02x10 - Student Becomes the Teacher

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: Oh, gotta get this place cleaned up!

Gotta tidy, gotta tidy, gotta tidey.

Yeeee.

(Hisses) Ahhhh!

- Gotta clean gotta tidy.

Gotta make you neat and tidy too!

(Dryer whirs) - (Angry growls)

- My shirt sure is wrinkly!

(Steam hisses) (All gasps)

- Mmmm!

It's just like the warmth of a mother's love...

or so I've heard.

- Ew! What are you doing?!

- Just cleanin' you up, Courtney!

- But how is this any different from spitting in my face?

(Rocket whooshing sounds)

- Duncan! For the last time!

Get rid of your fireworks!

What fireworks?

Fine.

- Oh! Are we trying to trick somebody

into thinking this place isn't a disaster?

- (Sigh) Yes.

Somebody from the school board

is coming to renew my teacher's license.

- Whoa. Sounds really important.

I sure hope we can behaaaave.

(Maniacal laugh)

- Sweet Carolina, I gotta take drastic action!

My whole future hinges on these little monsters behaving!

- Whoa, "monsters"?

Enh... okay, that's fair.

- Okay, here's the deal.

If you guys don't mess this up for me,

you all get an extra cookie at snack time.

- Uh, Owen just finished the cookies?

- (Chewing, gulp) (Burps)

- Okay then... extra juice boxes?

(Slurp) Mmm!

- Oh, come on! W-w-w-what about pudding?!

- (Burp) Think you better up your game, Chef.

- Luckily... I'm a master negotiator!

- (Defeated sigh)

Izzy: So! Mr. Chef...

after consulting with my partners,

I think you'll find this offer more than fair.

I am not getting you elephants,

a pool full of ice cream,

and a jet fighter that runs on glitter glue.

(Inaudible whisper) - You drive a hard bargain.

We'll settle for...

one pony.

- One pony, huh?

(Groans) Okay deal.

- Pleasure doing business.

Chef: Duncan, did you safely remove all the fireworks?

- Almost! There!

That's the last of 'em.

- Well behaved children and fireworks

being disposed of safely?

(Chuckles) I should have offered a pony a long time ago-

(Skateboard scrapes) Hey!!

- I don't think Jude got the pony memo.

(Dialing beeps) - Yeah, Margot?

Jude never got the memo. Pack your things. You're fired.

- Margot?

- She's just my ex... secretary.

- C'mon, Jude! You know there's no skateboarding inside!

Especially not today.

Let's go get your clothes back on... whoa!

(Grunt) Oof!

(Gasps)

(Thud, woozy moan)

(All gasp) (Birds chirp)

- Knocked unconscious by a helmet.

(Chuckle) That's good irony.

- Should we call an ambulance?

No way!

That school board person's gonna be here any minute

and if we don't get Chef's license renewed,

we can say ola to our pony!

- I think you mean adios.

- (Mocking) "Ooh, I'm Noah; I speak Dutch!"

But let's focus on the pony, 'kay?

Now hurry up and drag Chef into his office!

We've got work to do!

(Saw whirs)

(Crackling) (Jackhammer pounds)

(Hammering)

There! We're ready. (Doorbell rings)

And just in time, too!

- Hello. You must be mister. Chef?

- Chefff? (Laughs)

You're funny!

Chef's a teacher. My name is--Ow!

- You are Chef, remember?!

- Oooh, right.

Hi, I'm Chef.

Large. Adult. Chef.

- Yes. Right. And I'm... medium adult, Sheila Emerson,

from the school board.

Can we speak in your office?

- Nooo! I...

farted in there recently

and it's hanging around like, like...

my mom at a birthday party.

Just go already, mom! Hahaha-ow!

Can I interest you in a tour?

Please follow me.

(Chef groans) - Oh good! He's waking up.

(As three-year-old) - Wah-wah-wah!

I'm hungry. And thirsty.

I want my mommy.

- That... doesn't sound good.

- Oh no! I've heard of this!

People who've been knocked out by child-sized items

often revert to childlike behaviour.

- That is not a thing.

But either way, Chef's apparently a toddler now,

so we're gonna handle it, right?

- I gotta go boom boom.

(Screaming)

- That's a baaaallll.

And there's a chaaair.

And here's a sink!

Sinks are for holding water!

- Yes, that is how sinks work.

- Hi clipboard lady!

- Oh my! - (Whispers)

- What?!

I see you've met... Junior!

Too young for the adult rides,

too big for the kiddie discount.

- Oooh, oooh! I wanna a dwink!

(Sinks shatters) (Water rushes)

- Whao! - Ooooooh.

That's not good.

- Okay, I'm not sure what's going on here

but the school is flooding and--

- Well, of course it is! And that's becauuuse...

Thursday is swimming lessons!

- Today is Tuesday.

- (Nervous giggle)

Who wants to go swimming?!

- I do! I do! (Splash)

- (Gasp) (Spits)

This very unorthodox.

How do you get the water out?

- Why, with Chef's tsunami drill, of course!

Ready everybody?!

(siren) Weee oooh weee oooh!

Look out! Tsunami!

- (Gasp)

(All cheering) Yay! Woo-hoo!

- Of course.

- Yay! Richard Swimmins survived the flood!

- Richard Swimmins is our fish.

Feeding him teaches us about... uh...

(Noah whispers) Responsibility.

- Responsibility! - Wait where did that voice--

- Who wants to feed the fish!

- Me! Me! Me! I do!!!

- Isn't that the nuclear waste

Gwen brought to show and tell last week?

- Yum yum yum! Eat up so you can get big and stwong, fishy.

(Water burbles, glass cracks)

(Ferocious growl)

- I think we might wanna run outside. Now!

- Run? Why?

(Screaming)

(Ferocious roar)

(Smash) - (Laughs)

Big fishy wrecked-ed a zoom zoom car!

- And for once it wasn't Chef's!

- Mr. Fish, let me go or...

you're getting an 'F'!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

(Muffled screams) - Should we continue our tour?

- What we should do is call in the military!

- This really isn't a big deal,

but if you're gonna get all worked up about it.

(Line rings) Hi! It's me.

We've got another code black.

(Beeps call off) There. It's handled.

(Rotors beat)

(Rapid sh**ting)

- Ahhhh!

(Plane rattles)

(Whooshing, crash expl*si*n)

(Ferocious roar, stomping)

- And I suppose that isn't a 'big deal' either?!

- Oh! (Nervous giggle) Not at all!

The kids love helicopter cookouts! Right, guys?

- Yayyyyyyyyyyy! - Yup. - You betcha.

- So? I think that's about it for the tour.

Can I get Chef's... I mean, my license now?

- You can not be serious!

This is, without fear of hyperbole, the worst--

- Wait! Ms. Emerson.

There's one thing that i just know will change your mind!

Ta-da!!!

- A cupcake?

You kids thought a cupcake would make me change my mind

about the worst teacher and worst school, I've ever seen!

- Y-yes?

- (Sigh) No. Not even close.

- Two cupcakes?

- (Angry) Agh!

Honestly. I've had some rough assignments,

but a tidal wave? A giant, mutant fish?

A military helicopter crash?!

- Um, you told me to call them?

- No! I've had enough!

Sugar is bad for you! Sparklers are dangerous!

And there is no way Chef will be getting

his teaching license renewed!

Ever! Again! (Throw grunt)

- Ooooooooh!

Prettyyyy sparkle--

(Fireworks pop)

(Whooshing)

(Boings)

Ouchie.

- (Coughs) (Gasp)

- What did you do?!

- That wasn't my...

I mean, I didn't mean to... - Yeah!

What kind of a monster blows up a school

just because she doesn't like the teacher?

- Now come on.

That clearly wasn't my intention. And who said that?

- So you just like blowing stuff up?

- No but-but I but, I didn't--

- Seems like an odd habit for a school board employee.

- Yes but I... - Does your boss know?

- Okay, you know what?

(Nervous giggle) I think that cupcake

changed my mind after all.

Mr. Chef? (Nervous giggle)

Enjoy your new license.

I'm getting as far away from this place as possible.

Huh. Odd lady. Pretty fast though

Emerson: Aahhhh!!!

- Well, it was a crazy day,

but everything worked out in the end.

(Moans) What happened?

- Ah, we got your certificate, that's what happened!?

- That's amazing! But you destroyed the school!

(Loud crash)

Aaannd myyy caaaaarrr!!!!

- Oh yeah. But a deal is a deal.

You owe us a pony! - (Defeated sigh)

Good morning, kids. And good morning, pony.

What? My certificate! You can't eat that!

(Hard kick, landing thud)

(Birds chirp)

I gotta go boom boom.

All: (Screaming)

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