[Crowd murmuring]
Okay, where the hell
is teddy?
I don't know.
Is teddy?
I don't know.
He was supposed to be here
I don't know.
He was supposed to be here
20 minutes ago.
He was supposed to be here
20 minutes ago.
I'm sure he has
20 Minutes ago.
I'm sure he has
a good excuse.
I'm sure he has
a good excuse.
Man: here he comes.
A good excuse.
Man: here he comes.
Here he comes.
Man: here he comes.
Here he comes.
Teddy, teddy,
Here he comes.
Teddy, teddy,
where have you been?
Teddy, teddy,
where have you been?
[Crowd applauds]
Go ahead,
where have you been?
[Stuttering] I'm not sure.
Where have you been?
[Stuttering] I'm not sure.
I-i was in the car...
[Stuttering] I'm not sure.
I-i was in the car...
Teddy, where's joan?
I-i was in the car...
Teddy, where's joan?
Uh, I'm not sure,
Teddy, where's joan?
Uh, I'm not sure,
we were in the, uh,
Uh, I'm not sure,
we were in the, uh,
car together and, uh...
We were in the, uh,
car together and, uh...
I, uh, managed to get
Car together and, uh...
I, uh, managed to get
outta the car and I think
I, uh, managed to get
outta the car and I think
that joan might, uh,
Outta the car and I think
that joan might, uh,
might still be in the car.
That joan might, uh,
might still be in the car.
Teddy, teddy listen to me.
Might still be in the car.
Teddy, teddy listen to me.
This is your mother.
Teddy, teddy listen to me.
This is your mother.
Do you know where you are?
This is your mother.
Do you know where you are?
In, uh, boston?
Do you know where you are?
In, uh, boston?
Yes, do you know
In, uh, boston?
Yes, do you know
why you're here?
Yes, do you know
why you're here?
Uh... Why?
Why you're here?
Uh... Why?
To announce that you're gonna
Uh... Why?
To announce that you're gonna
run for president of the
To announce that you're gonna
run for president of the
united states, that's why!
Run for president of the
united states, that's why!
Is that all right with you,
United states, that's why!
Is that all right with you,
uh, mother?
Is that all right with you,
uh, mother?
Yeah, son, it's all right.
Uh, mother?
Yeah, son, it's all right.
Was it, was it all right
Yeah, son, it's all right.
Was it, was it all right
with joan?
Was it, was it all right
with joan?
Yes, if we knew
With joan?
Yes, if we knew
where she was.
Yes, if we knew
where she was.
I think she's, uh,
Where she was.
I think she's, uh,
still in the car.
I think she's, uh,
still in the car.
Okay, I don't think you're
Still in the car.
Okay, I don't think you're
quite ready to go on.
Okay, I don't think you're
quite ready to go on.
Where's the car?
Quite ready to go on.
Where's the car?
Where's the car?
Where's the car?
Where's the car?
Excuse me, ladies and
Where's the car?
Excuse me, ladies and
gentlemen... We seem to have
Excuse me, ladies and
gentlemen... We seem to have
a few technical problems.
Gentlemen... We seem to have
a few technical problems.
If you'll just bear with us...
A few technical problems.
If you'll just bear with us...
In the meantime, uh,
If you'll just bear with us...
In the meantime, uh,
in the meantime I'd like
In the meantime, uh,
in the meantime I'd like
to introduce an old, close
In the meantime I'd like
to introduce an old, close
friend of the kennedy family,
To introduce an old, close
friend of the kennedy family,
mr. Dave powers will share
Friend of the kennedy family,
mr. Dave powers will share
with us a few reminiscences
Mr. Dave powers will share
with us a few reminiscences
of camelot.
With us a few reminiscences
of camelot.
[Applause]
Of camelot.
[Applause]
i... I, uh, I recall that
[Applause]
i... I, uh, I recall that
jack, he, he loved the sea.
I... I, uh, I recall that
jack, he, he loved the sea.
Jack and bobby and teddy,
Jack, he, he loved the sea.
Jack and bobby and teddy,
they... They love the sea...
Jack and bobby and teddy,
they... They love the sea...
Teddy, where is the car,
They... They love the sea...
Teddy, where is the car,
teddy, where is the car, teddy?
Teddy, where is the car,
teddy, where is the car, teddy?
I, uh, i-i-i don't know
Teddy, where is the car, teddy?
I, uh, i-i-i don't know
where the car is.
I, uh, i-i-i don't know
where the car is.
Teddy, listen to me.
Where the car is.
Teddy, listen to me.
Where is the car?
Teddy, listen to me.
Where is the car?
Try to remember where
Where is the car?
Try to remember where
you left joan.
Try to remember where
you left joan.
Joan, thank god
You left joan.
Joan, thank god
you're all right.
Joan, thank god
you're all right.
Well, of course I'm all right
You're all right.
Well, of course I'm all right
I was just parking the car.
Well, of course I'm all right
I was just parking the car.
[Laughter]
I was just parking the car.
[Laughter]
here are the keys, flipper.
[Laughter]
here are the keys, flipper.
[Laughter]
Here are the keys, flipper.
[Laughter]
why are you all wet, teddy?
[Laughter]
why are you all wet, teddy?
[Sighs] well, we were
Why are you all wet, teddy?
[Sighs] well, we were
late and stuck in traffic,
[Sighs] well, we were
late and stuck in traffic,
teddy panicked, jumped out
Late and stuck in traffic,
teddy panicked, jumped out
of the car, and swam across
Teddy panicked, jumped out
of the car, and swam across
boston harbor.
Of the car, and swam across
boston harbor.
[Laughter]
Boston harbor.
[Laughter]
that's, uh, that's right.
[Laughter]
that's, uh, that's right.
I, uh, I must've bumped my head
That's, uh, that's right.
I, uh, I must've bumped my head
when I dived into the river
I, uh, I must've bumped my head
when I dived into the river
and I was in shock so I guess
When I dived into the river
and I was in shock so I guess
that's why I couldn't
And I was in shock so I guess
that's why I couldn't
tell anyone sooner.
That's why I couldn't
tell anyone sooner.
You think you can make
Tell anyone sooner.
You think you can make
your announcement now, teddy?
You think you can make
your announcement now, teddy?
Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
Your announcement now, teddy?
Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
All right, all right,
Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.
All right, all right,
let's do it.
All right, all right,
let's do it.
Dave: I was there in the oval
Let's do it.
Dave: I was there in the oval
office when, uh, when caroline
Dave: I was there in the oval
office when, uh, when caroline
looked at jack, she said, uh,
Office when, uh, when caroline
looked at jack, she said, uh,
daddy, she said, let john-john
Looked at jack, she said, uh,
daddy, she said, let john-john
ride macaroni and...
Daddy, she said, let john-john
ride macaroni and...
Thank you,
Ride macaroni and...
Thank you,
thank you very much.
Thank you,
thank you very much.
Dave powers, thank you.
Thank you very much.
Dave powers, thank you.
[Applause]
Dave powers, thank you.
[Applause]
I will always remember this.
[Applause]
I will always remember this.
It's very touching,
I will always remember this.
It's very touching,
thank you very much.
It's very touching,
thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am honored to introduce
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am honored to introduce
the senator from the
I am honored to introduce
the senator from the
commonwealth of massachusetts
The senator from the
commonwealth of massachusetts
and the next president
Commonwealth of massachusetts
and the next president
of the united states,
And the next president
of the united states,
edward m. Kennedy!
Of the united states,
edward m. Kennedy!
[Applause]
[Cameras clicking]
[crowd laughs]
my fellow americans
[Crowd laughs]
my fellow americans
our nation is at a
My fellow americans
our nation is at a
crossroads of history.
Our nation is at a
crossroads of history.
When the cry for strong and
Crossroads of history.
When the cry for strong and
vigorous leadership is heard
When the cry for strong and
vigorous leadership is heard
throughout the land.
Now, there are some who would
look at my past and say why.
I choose to look at my past
Look at my past and say why.
I choose to look at my past
and say so what.
I choose to look at my past
and say so what.
[Laughter]
And that is why tonight
I'm honored and invigorated
to announce live from new york,
I'm honored and invigorated
to announce live from new york,
it's saturday night.
To announce live from new york,
it's saturday night.
[♪...]
Announcer: it's saturday
night live...
With bill russell!
Night live...
With bill russell!
[♪...]
Starring jane curtin,
garrett morris,
bill murray,
Garrett morris,
bill murray,
laraine newman,
Bill murray,
laraine newman,
and gilda radner.
With musical guest, chicago!
Ladies and gentlemen,
bill russell!
[Audience cheers and applauds]
Thank you.
You know, it's really a pleasure
me being here tonight because
I'm hosting my favorite show,
Me being here tonight because
I'm hosting my favorite show,
saturday night live.
I'm hosting my favorite show,
saturday night live.
[Crowd cheers]
And, you know,
I been here all week.
This may be live but
I been here all week.
This may be live but
it's not unrehearsed.
This may be live but
it's not unrehearsed.
Um, I've been here all week
It's not unrehearsed.
Um, I've been here all week
and I watched them put the show
Um, I've been here all week
and I watched them put the show
together and what it's all
And I watched them put the show
together and what it's all
about is teamwork.
Together and what it's all
about is teamwork.
In fact, a successful television
About is teamwork.
In fact, a successful television
show is not that different from
In fact, a successful television
show is not that different from
a successful basketball team.
Show is not that different from
a successful basketball team.
Everyone has to work together
A successful basketball team.
Everyone has to work together
to make the best show possible.
Everyone has to work together
to make the best show possible.
See, the writers bring up these
To make the best show possible.
See, the writers bring up these
ideas and they pass them to the
See, the writers bring up these
ideas and they pass them to the
producers, and they hand them
Ideas and they pass them to the
producers, and they hand them
off to the director, and then
Producers, and they hand them
off to the director, and then
they pass 'em back to the actors
Off to the director, and then
they pass 'em back to the actors
and they try to score points
They pass 'em back to the actors
and they try to score points
with them... But, like any team,
And they try to score points
with them... But, like any team,
you gotta have the guy in the
With them... But, like any team,
you gotta have the guy in the
middle, the big fella,
You gotta have the guy in the
middle, the big fella,
the money man...
Middle, the big fella,
the money man...
Well, see, on this show,
The money man...
Well, see, on this show,
that guy is the host.
Well, see, on this show,
that guy is the host.
[Applause]
That guy is the host.
[Applause]
if the host is on,
[Applause]
if the host is on,
then the show is dynamite.
If the host is on,
then the show is dynamite.
But if the host has a bad night,
Then the show is dynamite.
But if the host has a bad night,
this show goes in the toilet.
But if the host has a bad night,
this show goes in the toilet.
[Laughter]
This show goes in the toilet.
[Laughter]
well, I wanna tell you
[Laughter]
well, I wanna tell you
how I feel tonight.
Well, I wanna tell you
how I feel tonight.
This is going to be the best
How I feel tonight.
This is going to be the best
comedy show I've ever done.
This is going to be the best
comedy show I've ever done.
[Laughter and applause]
Comedy show I've ever done.
[Laughter and applause]
so, if you're into bettin',
[Laughter and applause]
so, if you're into bettin',
take this show and
So, if you're into bettin',
take this show and
give five points.
Take this show and
give five points.
And we'll be right back.
Give five points.
And we'll be right back.
[Applause]
Priest: so we thank you,
lord, for the life of
george manus.
Lord, for the life of
george manus.
For his abilities, for his...
George manus.
For his abilities, for his...
Announcer: someone has passed
For his abilities, for his...
Announcer: someone has passed
away... A sorrowful occasion.
Announcer: someone has passed
away... A sorrowful occasion.
A time for memories,
Away... A sorrowful occasion.
A time for memories,
a time for reflection.
A time for memories,
a time for reflection.
A time of incredible
A time for reflection.
A time of incredible
inconvenience.
A time of incredible
inconvenience.
How many times has the untimely
Inconvenience.
How many times has the untimely
death of a distant relative
How many times has the untimely
death of a distant relative
or someone you never really
Death of a distant relative
or someone you never really
liked interfered with
Or someone you never really
liked interfered with
your busy schedule?
Liked interfered with
your busy schedule?
Hi, I'm ed herlihy.
Your busy schedule?
Hi, I'm ed herlihy.
Now it is possible to miss these
Hi, I'm ed herlihy.
Now it is possible to miss these
sad occasions and not offend
Now it is possible to miss these
sad occasions and not offend
anyone by your absence
Sad occasions and not offend
anyone by your absence
with banshee...
Anyone by your absence
with banshee...
The mourner's companion.
With banshee...
The mourner's companion.
This compact, battery operated,
The mourner's companion.
This compact, battery operated,
solid state surrogate will
This compact, battery operated,
solid state surrogate will
represent you with dignity
Solid state surrogate will
represent you with dignity
and convey your condolences
Represent you with dignity
and convey your condolences
sincerely and effectively...
And convey your condolences
sincerely and effectively...
Man's voice: my god, why!
Sincerely and effectively...
Man's voice: my god, why!
[Laughter]
Man's voice: my god, why!
[Laughter]
ed: when you are unable
[Laughter]
ed: when you are unable
to attend the funeral itself.
Ed: when you are unable
to attend the funeral itself.
Complete with pre-recorded
To attend the funeral itself.
Complete with pre-recorded
lament and personalized name
Complete with pre-recorded
lament and personalized name
tags, banshee comes
Lament and personalized name
tags, banshee comes
in five models:
Tags, banshee comes
in five models:
irish.
In five models:
irish.
Man: oh, johnny, we miss you.
Irish.
Man: oh, johnny, we miss you.
[Laughter]
Man: oh, johnny, we miss you.
[Laughter]
[inaudible]
[Laughter]
[inaudible]
ed: protestant.
[Inaudible]
ed: protestant.
Woman: he looks so peaceful.
Ed: protestant.
Woman: he looks so peaceful.
Black.
Woman: he looks so peaceful.
Black.
Man: I'm gonna get the cop
Black.
Man: I'm gonna get the cop
that did this to my boy!
Man: I'm gonna get the cop
that did this to my boy!
Ed: and greek.
That did this to my boy!
Ed: and greek.
Woman: we always thought
Ed: and greek.
Woman: we always thought
papa would be the first to go.
Woman: we always thought
papa would be the first to go.
Your time is precious.
Papa would be the first to go.
Your time is precious.
His time is over.
Your time is precious.
His time is over.
Man: we meet here
His time is over.
Man: we meet here
to honor his memory.
Ed: banshee...
First in last respects.
First in last respects.
[Applause]
[Locker slams shut]
All right, all right,
you guys listen.
You fought hard...
You guys listen.
You fought hard...
You got nothing to be
You fought hard...
You got nothing to be
ashamed of.
You got nothing to be
ashamed of.
Come on, coach.
Ashamed of.
Come on, coach.
We were better than that team.
Come on, coach.
We were better than that team.
We would've won if you'd let us
We were better than that team.
We would've won if you'd let us
play five guys at a time.
We would've won if you'd let us
play five guys at a time.
Yeah, who ever heard of a
Play five guys at a time.
Yeah, who ever heard of a
team that played with only
Yeah, who ever heard of a
team that played with only
three guys?
Team that played with only
three guys?
Okay, okay, so it
Three guys?
Okay, okay, so it
didn't work, I thought
Okay, okay, so it
didn't work, I thought
I'd confuse 'em.
Didn't work, I thought
I'd confuse 'em.
You're betting on the
I'd confuse 'em.
You're betting on the
other team to support your drug
You're betting on the
other team to support your drug
habit, weren't you, coach?
Other team to support your drug
habit, weren't you, coach?
[Laughter]
Habit, weren't you, coach?
[Laughter]
you're just saying that
[Laughter]
you're just saying that
because I'm black.
You're just saying that
because I'm black.
That has nothing
Because I'm black.
That has nothing
to do with it.
That has nothing
to do with it.
We're saying it because
To do with it.
We're saying it because
we care about you.
We're saying it because
we care about you.
Oh, leave me alone.
We care about you.
Oh, leave me alone.
You guys don't ever get high?
Oh, leave me alone.
You guys don't ever get high?
What do you know?
You guys don't ever get high?
What do you know?
[Laughter]
What do you know?
[Laughter]
just go ahead, shower,
[Laughter]
just go ahead, shower,
get outta here.
Just go ahead, shower,
get outta here.
Hey, uh, you guys think
Get outta here.
Hey, uh, you guys think
we should take off our uniforms
Hey, uh, you guys think
we should take off our uniforms
before we shower?
We should take off our uniforms
before we shower?
All: nah.
Before we shower?
All: nah.
[Laughter]
[♪...]
Announcer: the black shadow.
Black coach, white team.
Announcer: the black shadow.
Black coach, white team.
He gets in trouble,
Black coach, white team.
He gets in trouble,
they bail him out.
He gets in trouble,
they bail him out.
And so I'm afraid I'm going
They bail him out.
And so I'm afraid I'm going
to have to fire coach lewis.
And so I'm afraid I'm going
to have to fire coach lewis.
Look, there is no way I can keep
To have to fire coach lewis.
Look, there is no way I can keep
a faculty member here at
Look, there is no way I can keep
a faculty member here at
john davidson high school who's
A faculty member here at
john davidson high school who's
been caught distributing
John davidson high school who's
been caught distributing
p*rn in the cafeteria and
Been caught distributing
p*rn in the cafeteria and
in the same week assaults a
p*rn in the cafeteria and
in the same week assaults a
student in the parking lot.
In the same week assaults a
student in the parking lot.
There's no excuse for
Student in the parking lot.
There's no excuse for
coach lewis' behavior,
There's no excuse for
coach lewis' behavior,
mrs. Crane, but f*ring him
Coach lewis' behavior,
mrs. Crane, but f*ring him
won't solve anything.
Mrs. Crane, but f*ring him
won't solve anything.
He'll just get another job at
Won't solve anything.
He'll just get another job at
another all white, suburban
He'll just get another job at
another all white, suburban
high school.
Another all white, suburban
high school.
There's something going on
High school.
There's something going on
inside him that's turning him
There's something going on
inside him that's turning him
inside out.
Inside him that's turning him
inside out.
If we just had enough time
Inside out.
If we just had enough time
we could maybe figure out what
If we just had enough time
we could maybe figure out what
it is and turn him around
We could maybe figure out what
it is and turn him around
so he could face himself.
It is and turn him around
so he could face himself.
I think I know what you mean,
So he could face himself.
I think I know what you mean,
but even if we turned him around
I think I know what you mean,
but even if we turned him around
I don't see how he could
But even if we turned him around
I don't see how he could
face himself.
I don't see how he could
face himself.
She's right.
Face himself.
She's right.
What we wanna do is turn him
She's right.
What we wanna do is turn him
right side out.
What we wanna do is turn him
right side out.
No, that's worse.
Right side out.
No, that's worse.
Leave him inside out,
No, that's worse.
Leave him inside out,
at least he could face himself.
Leave him inside out,
at least he could face himself.
Mrs. Crane, you ever
At least he could face himself.
Mrs. Crane, you ever
face yourself?
Mrs. Crane, you ever
face yourself?
Well, yes, I face myself
Face yourself?
Well, yes, I face myself
every morning.
Well, yes, I face myself
every morning.
Well, how?
Every morning.
Well, how?
By looking inside myself.
Well, how?
By looking inside myself.
Yeah, but you've never been
By looking inside myself.
Yeah, but you've never been
turned inside out.
Yeah, but you've never been
turned inside out.
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Turned inside out.
Oh, you'd be surprised.
[Laughter]
Oh, you'd be surprised.
[Laughter]
well, since you put it that way,
[Laughter]
well, since you put it that way,
I'll give him another chance.
Well, since you put it that way,
I'll give him another chance.
But I'm warning you, I'm warning
I'll give him another chance.
But I'm warning you, I'm warning
you, if he causes any more
But I'm warning you, I'm warning
you, if he causes any more
trouble I'm going to have to
You, if he causes any more
trouble I'm going to have to
fire him and make you boys
Trouble I'm going to have to
fire him and make you boys
wear normal clothes to class.
Fire him and make you boys
wear normal clothes to class.
[Boys groan]
Mr. Lewis, you don't love me,
you just think you do.
Nah, baby, I'm crazy
You just think you do.
Nah, baby, I'm crazy
about you, baby.
Nah, baby, I'm crazy
about you, baby.
Oh, god, I mean,
About you, baby.
Oh, god, I mean,
don't you see?
Oh, god, I mean,
don't you see?
I'm 15, you're 40.
Don't you see?
I'm 15, you're 40.
When you're 50, I'll be 25!
I'm 15, you're 40.
When you're 50, I'll be 25!
And I'll still love ya, baby.
When you're 50, I'll be 25!
And I'll still love ya, baby.
You should be seeing women
And I'll still love ya, baby.
You should be seeing women
your own age, going out,
You should be seeing women
your own age, going out,
having fun.
Your own age, going out,
having fun.
It's because I'm black,
Having fun.
It's because I'm black,
isn't it?
It's because I'm black,
isn't it?
Now you know that just
Isn't it?
Now you know that just
isn't true.
Now you know that just
isn't true.
[Bell rings]
Isn't true.
[Bell rings]
I gotta go to class.
Curtis, curtis.
Curtis, you're not still angry,
curtis, you're not still angry
Curtis, you're not still angry,
curtis, you're not still angry
at me, are ya?
Curtis, you're not still angry
at me, are ya?
Go away.
At me, are ya?
Go away.
I told you, stay outta my life!
Go away.
I told you, stay outta my life!
I'm too old for you.
I told you, stay outta my life!
I'm too old for you.
Yeah, but curtis, please,
I'm too old for you.
Yeah, but curtis, please,
please look it, I need to talk
Yeah, but curtis, please,
please look it, I need to talk
to ya, I mean, I need
Please look it, I need to talk
to ya, I mean, I need
some more heroin.
To ya, I mean, I need
some more heroin.
I mean, now with curtis jr.
Some more heroin.
I mean, now with curtis jr.
On the way, I got another
I mean, now with curtis jr.
On the way, I got another
habit to support.
On the way, I got another
habit to support.
Hey, listen, don't call him
Habit to support.
Hey, listen, don't call him
curtis jr. And get outta here!
Hey, listen, don't call him
curtis jr. And get outta here!
Okay!
Curtis jr. And get outta here!
Okay!
Who needs ya, b*at it.
Okay!
Who needs ya, b*at it.
Okay, okay.
Who needs ya, b*at it.
Okay, okay.
Here he is.
Okay, okay.
Here he is.
Oh, boy.
Here he is.
Oh, boy.
Coach, you missed practice
Oh, boy.
Coach, you missed practice
again today.
Coach, you missed practice
again today.
Now this is getting serious.
Again today.
Now this is getting serious.
It's pretty hard for a team
Now this is getting serious.
It's pretty hard for a team
to play without supervision.
It's pretty hard for a team
to play without supervision.
Listen, I had to take care
To play without supervision.
Listen, I had to take care
of my mom because she's sick.
Listen, I had to take care
of my mom because she's sick.
Yeah, that's it, she's sick.
Of my mom because she's sick.
Yeah, that's it, she's sick.
My mom's sick.
Yeah, that's it, she's sick.
My mom's sick.
Now get off my case
My mom's sick.
Now get off my case
and leave me alone!
Now get off my case
and leave me alone!
Hey, you wanna buy a joint,
And leave me alone!
Hey, you wanna buy a joint,
lsd, blue hash?
Hey, you wanna buy a joint,
lsd, blue hash?
Hey, I wonder if the coach
Lsd, blue hash?
Hey, I wonder if the coach
was telling the truth
Hey, I wonder if the coach
was telling the truth
about his mother.
Was telling the truth
about his mother.
There's only one way
About his mother.
There's only one way
to find out!
There's only one way
to find out!
Smell his sneakers?
To find out!
Smell his sneakers?
No!
Smell his sneakers?
No!
Visit his mother!
No!
Visit his mother!
Come on, let's go.
[Doorbell rings]
[laughter]
I wonder who it is.
Oh, what can I do for you?
Hi, we're the john davidson
high school basketball team.
Hi, we're the john davidson
high school basketball team.
We'd like to talk to you
High school basketball team.
We'd like to talk to you
about your son, mrs. Lewis.
We'd like to talk to you
about your son, mrs. Lewis.
Well, it's freezing outside.
About your son, mrs. Lewis.
Well, it's freezing outside.
You guys must be cold, come in.
Well, it's freezing outside.
You guys must be cold, come in.
Oh, we like it.
You guys must be cold, come in.
Oh, we like it.
Oh, you do?
Oh, we like it.
Oh, you do?
What, what, what...
Oh, you do?
What, what, what...
Is my son all right?
What, what, what...
Is my son all right?
Oh, yeah, he's
Is my son all right?
Oh, yeah, he's
all right, ma'am.
Oh, yeah, he's
all right, ma'am.
Oh, thank god.
All right, ma'am.
Oh, thank god.
But mrs. Lewis,
Oh, thank god.
But mrs. Lewis,
we think you should know
But mrs. Lewis,
we think you should know
your son's in some trouble.
We think you should know
your son's in some trouble.
Oh no, what's he done now?
Your son's in some trouble.
Oh no, what's he done now?
Well, I'm afraid he's been
Oh no, what's he done now?
Well, I'm afraid he's been
stealing, assaulting students,
Well, I'm afraid he's been
stealing, assaulting students,
lying, committing arson,
Stealing, assaulting students,
lying, committing arson,
hording weapons in his locker,
Lying, committing arson,
hording weapons in his locker,
shaking down freshmen
Hording weapons in his locker,
shaking down freshmen
for their lunch money,
Shaking down freshmen
for their lunch money,
encouraging truancy,
For their lunch money,
encouraging truancy,
torturing lab animals...
Encouraging truancy,
torturing lab animals...
Please, please!
Torturing lab animals...
Please, please!
I don't wanna hear any more!
Please, please!
I don't wanna hear any more!
I don't know what gets into him
I don't wanna hear any more!
I don't know what gets into him
to do all these things!
I don't know what gets into him
to do all these things!
I've tried so hard to teach him
To do all these things!
I've tried so hard to teach him
the right path!
I've tried so hard to teach him
the right path!
Now, it's come to this.
The right path!
Now, it's come to this.
I don't know what
Now, it's come to this.
I don't know what
I'm going to do!
I don't know what
I'm going to do!
What are you guys doing here?
I'm going to do!
What are you guys doing here?
We came because we care.
What are you guys doing here?
We came because we care.
They've been telling me
We came because we care.
They've been telling me
what you have been up to, son.
They've been telling me
what you have been up to, son.
Why is it that you always hurt
What you have been up to, son.
Why is it that you always hurt
everyone around you?
Why is it that you always hurt
everyone around you?
Sometimes I'm ashamed
Everyone around you?
Sometimes I'm ashamed
to be your mother.
Sometimes I'm ashamed
to be your mother.
Mom, is it because I'm black?
To be your mother.
Mom, is it because I'm black?
[Laughter]
Mom, is it because I'm black?
[Laughter]
now you know that has
[Laughter]
now you know that has
nothing to do with it.
Now you know that has
nothing to do with it.
It's because you're a bad boy,
Nothing to do with it.
It's because you're a bad boy,
that's why.
It's because you're a bad boy,
that's why.
[Sobbing] a bad boy.
That's why.
[Sobbing] a bad boy.
Really?
[Sobbing] a bad boy.
Really?
Gosh, all my life I've always
Really?
Gosh, all my life I've always
thought that everyone hated me
Gosh, all my life I've always
thought that everyone hated me
because I was black.
Thought that everyone hated me
because I was black.
Would we be here
Because I was black.
Would we be here
if we hated you?
Would we be here
if we hated you?
[Laughter]
If we hated you?
[Laughter]
yeah, we wanna win that
[Laughter]
yeah, we wanna win that
big game tomorrow night
Yeah, we wanna win that
big game tomorrow night
against the visitors.
Big game tomorrow night
against the visitors.
All: yeah!
Against the visitors.
All: yeah!
[Laughter]
All: yeah!
[Laughter]
this really turns
[Laughter]
this really turns
things around.
This really turns
things around.
I feel like a great chip has
Things around.
I feel like a great chip has
been lifted from my shoulder.
I feel like a great chip has
been lifted from my shoulder.
Oh, you got it son,
Been lifted from my shoulder.
Oh, you got it son,
now run with it.
Oh, you got it son,
now run with it.
Come on, you guys,
Now run with it.
Come on, you guys,
we haven't got much time.
Come on, you guys,
we haven't got much time.
We gotta practice dribbling and
We haven't got much time.
We gotta practice dribbling and
passing and staying in bounds.
We gotta practice dribbling and
passing and staying in bounds.
All: yeah, let's go.
Passing and staying in bounds.
All: yeah, let's go.
My son.
All: yeah, let's go.
My son.
Mom!
My son.
Mom!
My son.
Mom!
My son.
[Applause]
My son.
[Applause]
announcer: it's visitors 99,
[Applause]
announcer: it's visitors 99,
davidson 98.
Announcer: it's visitors 99,
davidson 98.
It looks like it's gonna
Davidson 98.
It looks like it's gonna
come down to one last sh*t.
It looks like it's gonna
come down to one last sh*t.
Davidson's working the ball
Come down to one last sh*t.
Davidson's working the ball
like a well-oiled machine.
Davidson's working the ball
like a well-oiled machine.
Coach lewis really deserves
Like a well-oiled machine.
Coach lewis really deserves
a lot of credit for turning
Coach lewis really deserves
a lot of credit for turning
this team around.
A lot of credit for turning
this team around.
Here's the sh*t, it's tipped up
This team around.
Here's the sh*t, it's tipped up
and in, he made it!
Here's the sh*t, it's tipped up
and in, he made it!
[Buzzing]
And in, he made it!
[Buzzing]
the game's over!
[Buzzing]
the game's over!
Davidson wins 100 to 99.
The game's over!
Davidson wins 100 to 99.
[All cheering and screaming]
This is the greatest day
of my life.
Nice game, team.
Of my life.
Nice game, team.
Thanks, mrs. Crane.
Nice game, team.
Thanks, mrs. Crane.
Hey, now what do you think
Thanks, mrs. Crane.
Hey, now what do you think
of coach lewis?
Hey, now what do you think
of coach lewis?
He's fired.
Of coach lewis?
He's fired.
Boy: fired, what for?
He's fired.
Boy: fired, what for?
What?
Boy: fired, what for?
What?
But I don't understand.
What?
But I don't understand.
I paid back all
But I don't understand.
I paid back all
the money I stole.
I paid back all
the money I stole.
I flushed a pound of heroin
The money I stole.
I flushed a pound of heroin
down the toilet and turned
I flushed a pound of heroin
down the toilet and turned
in my drug contacts.
Down the toilet and turned
in my drug contacts.
I won the respect of my team
In my drug contacts.
I won the respect of my team
and led them to victory.
I won the respect of my team
and led them to victory.
And now you tell me I'm fired.
And led them to victory.
And now you tell me I'm fired.
Why?
And now you tell me I'm fired.
Why?
Because you're black.
Why?
Because you're black.
[Laughter]
Because you're black.
[Laughter]
just kidding!
[Laughter]
just kidding!
[All laugh]
Just kidding!
[All laugh]
[♪...]
[All laugh]
[♪...]
♪ He fails
[♪...]
♪ He fails
not because he's colored ♪
♪ He fails
not because he's colored ♪
♪ but because he's troubled
Not because he's colored ♪
♪ but because he's troubled
and bewildered ♪
♪ But because he's troubled
and bewildered ♪
♪ the team cares about him
And bewildered ♪
♪ the team cares about him
because only they
♪ The team cares about him
because only they
know his background ♪
Because only they
know his background ♪
♪ he's the black shadow ♪
Know his background ♪
♪ he's the black shadow ♪
♪ he's a coach in trouble ♪
♪ He's the black shadow ♪
♪ he's a coach in trouble ♪
♪ he's the black shadow ♪
♪ He's a coach in trouble ♪
♪ he's the black shadow ♪
[applause]
♪ [Organ music plays] ♪
[With lisp] problems,
problems, and more problems.
Hi, I'm ann landers.
Problems, and more problems.
Hi, I'm ann landers.
If you're like me, you enjoy
Hi, I'm ann landers.
If you're like me, you enjoy
reading about other people's
If you're like me, you enjoy
reading about other people's
problems and feel satisfied
Reading about other people's
problems and feel satisfied
knowing they're not your own.
Problems and feel satisfied
knowing they're not your own.
But how much have you absorbed
Knowing they're not your own.
But how much have you absorbed
from years of reading my column?
But how much have you absorbed
from years of reading my column?
Why not take my simple test
From years of reading my column?
Why not take my simple test
and find out.
Why not take my simple test
and find out.
Get a pencil and pay attention
And find out.
Get a pencil and pay attention
as we begin tonight's letter
Get a pencil and pay attention
as we begin tonight's letter
from "widowed and wondering".
As we begin tonight's letter
from "widowed and wondering".
She writes, "dear ann landers,
From "widowed and wondering".
She writes, "dear ann landers,
I dare you to print this.
She writes, "dear ann landers,
I dare you to print this.
I had just returned from my
I dare you to print this.
I had just returned from my
husband's funeral when my
I had just returned from my
husband's funeral when my
brother-in-law, jack,
Husband's funeral when my
brother-in-law, jack,
dropped a real bombshell."
Brother-in-law, jack,
dropped a real bombshell."
[Sobbing]
Dropped a real bombshell."
[Sobbing]
come on, mom, be brave.
[Sobbing]
come on, mom, be brave.
Dad would've wanted it that way.
Come on, mom, be brave.
Dad would've wanted it that way.
I don't know what to do.
Dad would've wanted it that way.
I don't know what to do.
I loved him so.
I don't know what to do.
I loved him so.
But I suppose life must go on.
I loved him so.
But I suppose life must go on.
[Doorbell rings]
But I suppose life must go on.
[Doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
[Doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
Hi, uncle jack!
I'll get it.
Hi, uncle jack!
Oh, hi, jack.
Hi, uncle jack!
Oh, hi, jack.
Come in and sit down.
Oh, hi, jack.
Come in and sit down.
I can't stay, barbara.
Come in and sit down.
I can't stay, barbara.
I just dropped by to give you
I can't stay, barbara.
I just dropped by to give you
this casserole and to tell you
I just dropped by to give you
this casserole and to tell you
that everyone in the family
This casserole and to tell you
that everyone in the family
feels that it was your constant
That everyone in the family
feels that it was your constant
nagging that drove your husband
Feels that it was your constant
nagging that drove your husband
to an early grave.
Nagging that drove your husband
to an early grave.
[Laughter]
To an early grave.
[Laughter]
and frankly, I don't approve
[Laughter]
and frankly, I don't approve
of the way you've been bringing
And frankly, I don't approve
of the way you've been bringing
up my late brother's daughter.
Of the way you've been bringing
up my late brother's daughter.
Well, gotta go.
Up my late brother's daughter.
Well, gotta go.
[Laughter]
You know,
he seemed awfully rude.
He may be my brother-in-law
He seemed awfully rude.
He may be my brother-in-law
but does that give him any right
He may be my brother-in-law
but does that give him any right
to say those things?
But does that give him any right
to say those things?
Especially today.
Recognize the situation?
How would you deal with
relatives who would
How would you deal with
relatives who would
make such a comment?
(Would you, a) drop them like
a hot potato?
(A hot potato?
B) stand there with
(B) stand there with
egg on your face?
(Egg on your face?
C) wake up and smell the coffee?
(C) wake up and smell the coffee?
If you were ann landers,
If you were ann landers,
you'd choose a... Drop them like
You'd choose a... Drop them like
a hot potato and suggest they
A hot potato and suggest they
see a professional therapist.
See a professional therapist.
The letter continues...
"Ann, that was only
The letter continues...
"Ann, that was only
the beginning.
"Ann, that was only
the beginning.
You could imagine the look on my
The beginning.
You could imagine the look on my
face when the doorbell rang."
You could imagine the look on my
face when the doorbell rang."
[Doorbell rings]
Face when the doorbell rang."
[Doorbell rings]
I'll get it, mom.
[Doorbell rings]
I'll get it, mom.
It's probably my boyfriend.
I'll get it, mom.
It's probably my boyfriend.
He's coming to stay here
It's probably my boyfriend.
He's coming to stay here
indefinitely!
He's coming to stay here
indefinitely!
[Laughter]
Indefinitely!
[Laughter]
what?
[Laughter]
what?
Tonight?
What?
Tonight?
I mean, we just buried
Tonight?
I mean, we just buried
your father today!
[Laughter]
hi, jack!
Come on in.
Hi, jack!
Come on in.
Why don't we get your
Come on in.
Why don't we get your
luggage up to my room?
Why don't we get your
luggage up to my room?
You two aren't planning
Luggage up to my room?
You two aren't planning
to stay in the same bedroom,
You two aren't planning
to stay in the same bedroom,
are you?
To stay in the same bedroom,
are you?
Of course, mom.
Are you?
Of course, mom.
We sleep together at school.
Of course, mom.
We sleep together at school.
It'd be hypocritical and square
We sleep together at school.
It'd be hypocritical and square
to act differently now.
It'd be hypocritical and square
to act differently now.
Well, maybe I am just
To act differently now.
Well, maybe I am just
being old-fashioned, but I would
Well, maybe I am just
being old-fashioned, but I would
think a guest in my house should
Being old-fashioned, but I would
think a guest in my house should
respect my traditional
Think a guest in my house should
respect my traditional
standards of behavior.
Respect my traditional
standards of behavior.
Does that make me
Standards of behavior.
Does that make me
some kind of freak?
Does it?
What would you do if your
daughter dragged home
What would you do if your
daughter dragged home
a crumb like this?
(Would you, a) let them sleep
together, after all,
Together, after all,
it's the "in" thing to do.
(It's the "in" thing to do.
B) tell "dreamboat" to
(B) tell "dreamboat" to
shape up or ship out.
(Shape up or ship out.
C) wake up and smell the coffee.
(C) wake up and smell the coffee.
The answer is b...
The answer is b...
Tell "dreamboat" bon voyage
Tell "dreamboat" bon voyage
and suggest he sees a
And suggest he sees a
professional therapist.
Professional therapist.
But mrs. Andrews problems
But mrs. Andrews problems
didn't end there.
Hi, anybody home?
Hi, john!
Not his real name.
Hi, john!
Not his real name.
[Laughter]
Not his real name.
[Laughter]
I just thought I'd drop by
[Laughter]
I just thought I'd drop by
unexpectedly.
I just thought I'd drop by
unexpectedly.
Well, to be perfectly frank,
Unexpectedly.
Well, to be perfectly frank,
you picked a very bad time.
Well, to be perfectly frank,
you picked a very bad time.
I just got back from
You picked a very bad time.
I just got back from
my husband's funeral.
I just got back from
my husband's funeral.
Wow, that's too bad.
My husband's funeral.
Wow, that's too bad.
Would you like to go out
Wow, that's too bad.
Would you like to go out
on a date with me tonight?
Would you like to go out
on a date with me tonight?
Gee, I don't know.
On a date with me tonight?
Gee, I don't know.
Well, make up your mind,
Gee, I don't know.
Well, make up your mind,
suit yourself, because don't
Well, make up your mind,
suit yourself, because don't
expect me to wait around
Suit yourself, because don't
expect me to wait around
that long.
Expect me to wait around
that long.
Either go all the way with me
That long.
Either go all the way with me
now or maybe lose me forever.
Either go all the way with me
now or maybe lose me forever.
I really like you but...
Now or maybe lose me forever.
I really like you but...
Shouldn't I wait three
I really like you but...
Shouldn't I wait three
or four months before
Shouldn't I wait three
or four months before
I start dating again?
If you were ann landers,
would you say this
self-proclaimed don juan has
(A) a bee in the bonnet.
B) bats in the belfry.
(B) bats in the belfry.
Or c) a p*stol in his pocket.
(Or c) a p*stol in his pocket.
The correct answer is b...
The correct answer is b...
Bats in the belfry.
Bats in the belfry.
If she lets this creep
If she lets this creep
in the house, she deserves
In the house, she deserves
all she gets...
And she gets plenty.
All she gets...
And she gets plenty.
[Laughter]
And she gets plenty.
[Laughter]
say, you don't mind
[Laughter]
say, you don't mind
if I smoke, do you?
Say, you don't mind
if I smoke, do you?
I mean, it's not as if I'm
If I smoke, do you?
I mean, it's not as if I'm
infringing on your rights.
I mean, it's not as if I'm
infringing on your rights.
I mean, why should you care,
Infringing on your rights.
I mean, why should you care,
they're my lungs.
I mean, why should you care,
they're my lungs.
Well, they may be your lungs,
They're my lungs.
Well, they may be your lungs,
but it's our air.
Well, they may be your lungs,
but it's our air.
Why, take a look at this
But it's our air.
Why, take a look at this
newspaper clipping.
Why, take a look at this
newspaper clipping.
It's the non-smokers
Newspaper clipping.
It's the non-smokers
bill of rights.
It's the non-smokers
bill of rights.
Oh, look, it's all torn
Bill of rights.
Oh, look, it's all torn
and yellow from use.
Oh, look, it's all torn
and yellow from use.
You know, I wish I had
And yellow from use.
You know, I wish I had
a fresh copy for myself.
You know, I wish I had
a fresh copy for myself.
And I'm sure that there's
A fresh copy for myself.
And I'm sure that there's
hundreds of other women who
And I'm sure that there's
hundreds of other women who
would like to have a reprint.
Old ann is blushing.
People still applaud me for
sticking my neck out when I
People still applaud me for
sticking my neck out when I
wrote that article years ago.
Sticking my neck out when I
wrote that article years ago.
Thanks for asking.
Wrote that article years ago.
Thanks for asking.
I'll run the reprint
Thanks for asking.
I'll run the reprint
in tomorrow's column.
I'll run the reprint
in tomorrow's column.
That's all the time for tonight.
In tomorrow's column.
That's all the time for tonight.
I hope everyone's enjoyed
That's all the time for tonight.
I hope everyone's enjoyed
peeking at one woman's
I hope everyone's enjoyed
peeking at one woman's
private hell.
Peeking at one woman's
private hell.
And "confidential to confused"
Private hell.
And "confidential to confused"
in kansas, my column "ten ways
And "confidential to confused"
in kansas, my column "ten ways
to break up your son's marriage"
In kansas, my column "ten ways
to break up your son's marriage"
was not meant to be
To break up your son's marriage"
was not meant to be
taken literally.
Was not meant to be
taken literally.
If you did everything
Taken literally.
If you did everything
on that list,
If you did everything
on that list,
it's no wonder they
On that list,
it's no wonder they
filed for divorce.
It's no wonder they
filed for divorce.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Filed for divorce.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Goodnight.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Goodnight.
[Applause]
Ladies and gentlemen,
chicago!
[Applause]
Chicago!
[Applause]
[♪...]
♪ Well my daddy sent a message ♪
♪ 'bout the whiskers
on my chin ♪
♪ 'Bout the whiskers
on my chin ♪
♪ and I ain't had no problems ♪
On my chin ♪
♪ and I ain't had no problems ♪
♪ 'cause I've always
♪ And I ain't had no problems ♪
♪ 'cause I've always
paid the rent ♪
♪ 'Cause I've always
paid the rent ♪
♪ I ain't got no time
Paid the rent ♪
♪ I ain't got no time
for lovin' ♪
♪ I ain't got no time
for lovin' ♪
♪ my time is all used up ♪
For lovin' ♪
♪ my time is all used up ♪
♪ sittin' round creatin' ♪
♪ My time is all used up ♪
♪ sittin' round creatin' ♪
♪ for that groovy kind of love ♪
♪ Sittin' round creatin' ♪
♪ for that groovy kind of love ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ For that groovy kind of love ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ if I had my choice of matter ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ if I had my choice of matter ♪
♪ I rather be content ♪
♪ If I had my choice of matter ♪
♪ I rather be content ♪
♪ closer to the chatter
♪ I rather be content ♪
♪ closer to the chatter
than where your mind is at ♪
♪ Closer to the chatter
than where your mind is at ♪
♪ relatin' to each other ♪
Than where your mind is at ♪
♪ relatin' to each other ♪
♪ how strong your will can be ♪
♪ Relatin' to each other ♪
♪ how strong your will can be ♪
♪ resisting only sometimes ♪
♪ How strong your will can be ♪
♪ resisting only sometimes ♪
♪ with groovy chicks you see ♪
♪ Resisting only sometimes ♪
♪ with groovy chicks you see ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ With groovy chicks you see ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I've got to keep my image ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I've got to keep my image ♪
♪ while I'm standing
♪ I've got to keep my image ♪
♪ while I'm standing
on the floor ♪
♪ While I'm standing
on the floor ♪
♪ if I drop upon my knees
On the floor ♪
♪ if I drop upon my knees
it's to keep them on my nose ♪
♪ If I drop upon my knees
it's to keep them on my nose ♪
♪ you think that I'm not human ♪
It's to keep them on my nose ♪
♪ you think that I'm not human ♪
♪ and my heart
♪ You think that I'm not human ♪
♪ and my heart
is made of stone ♪
♪ And my heart
is made of stone ♪
♪ never have no problems ♪
Is made of stone ♪
♪ never have no problems ♪
♪ my body's pretty strong ♪
♪ Never have no problems ♪
♪ my body's pretty strong ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ My body's pretty strong ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ that's right, that's right ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ that's right, that's right ♪
♪ that's right, that's right ♪
♪ That's right, that's right ♪
♪ that's right, that's right ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ That's right, that's right ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
[♪...]
[♪...]
♪ If I had my choice of matter ♪
♪ I rather be content ♪
♪ closer to the chatter ♪
♪ I rather be content ♪
♪ closer to the chatter ♪
♪ knowin' where
♪ Closer to the chatter ♪
♪ knowin' where
your mind is at ♪
♪ Knowin' where
your mind is at ♪
♪ relating to each other ♪
Your mind is at ♪
♪ relating to each other ♪
♪ strong your will can be ♪
♪ Relating to each other ♪
♪ strong your will can be ♪
♪ resisting only sometimes ♪
♪ Strong your will can be ♪
♪ resisting only sometimes ♪
♪ with groovy chicks you see ♪
♪ Resisting only sometimes ♪
♪ with groovy chicks you see ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ With groovy chicks you see ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
But love you so ♪
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
♪ I'm a man, yes I am ♪
♪ and I can't help
but love you so ♪
♪ And I can't help
but love you so ♪
[♪...]
[Applause]
Miss lillian takes off
her makeup.
This story and more coming up
Her makeup.
This story and more coming up
on weekend update.
This story and more coming up
on weekend update.
[Laughter]
On weekend update.
[Laughter]
announcer: and now,
[Laughter]
announcer: and now,
weekend update with the
Announcer: and now,
weekend update with the
weekend update news team.
Weekend update with the
weekend update news team.
Brought to you by the
Weekend update news team.
Brought to you by the
estate of elvis presley...
Brought to you by the
estate of elvis presley...
The world's largest
Estate of elvis presley...
The world's largest
pharmaceutical concern
The world's largest
pharmaceutical concern
for over 18 months.
Pharmaceutical concern
for over 18 months.
Here are anchor persons
For over 18 months.
Here are anchor persons
bill murray and jane curtin.
Here are anchor persons
bill murray and jane curtin.
Good evening,
Bill murray and jane curtin.
Good evening,
I'm jane curtin.
Good evening,
I'm jane curtin.
Here now the news...
I'm jane curtin.
Here now the news...
Our top story tonight:
Here now the news...
Our top story tonight:
last week biographical materials
Our top story tonight:
last week biographical materials
in the form of personal
Last week biographical materials
in the form of personal
correspondence revealed an
In the form of personal
correspondence revealed an
alleged lesbian love affair
Correspondence revealed an
alleged lesbian love affair
between the late first lady,
Alleged lesbian love affair
between the late first lady,
eleanor roosevelt and a woman
Between the late first lady,
eleanor roosevelt and a woman
named lorena hickok.
Eleanor roosevelt and a woman
named lorena hickok.
The lovers had pet names
Named lorena hickok.
The lovers had pet names
for each other...
The lovers had pet names
for each other...
Mrs. Hickok calling
For each other...
Mrs. Hickok calling
mrs. Roosevelt "dave"
Mrs. Hickok calling
mrs. Roosevelt "dave"
and mrs. Roosevelt referring
Mrs. Roosevelt "dave"
and mrs. Roosevelt referring
to mrs. Hickok simply as
And mrs. Roosevelt referring
to mrs. Hickok simply as
"wild bill".
To mrs. Hickok simply as
"wild bill".
[Laughter]
"Wild bill".
[Laughter]
the ailing shah of iran who is
[Laughter]
the ailing shah of iran who is
still undergoing cancer therapy
The ailing shah of iran who is
still undergoing cancer therapy
at new york hospital...
Still undergoing cancer therapy
at new york hospital...
Last week, surgeons removed
At new york hospital...
Last week, surgeons removed
the shah's gall bladder.
Last week, surgeons removed
the shah's gall bladder.
However, weekend update has
The shah's gall bladder.
However, weekend update has
learned that in iran under
However, weekend update has
learned that in iran under
islamic law, gall bladder
Learned that in iran under
islamic law, gall bladder
removal is the penalty
Islamic law, gall bladder
removal is the penalty
for speeding.
Removal is the penalty
for speeding.
More on this story as
For speeding.
More on this story as
operations continue.
More on this story as
operations continue.
Mcdonald-douglas, makers of
Operations continue.
Mcdonald-douglas, makers of
the dc-10 that crashed in mexico
Mcdonald-douglas, makers of
the dc-10 that crashed in mexico
city, k*lling 69 people
The dc-10 that crashed in mexico
city, k*lling 69 people
wednesday night, announced that
City, k*lling 69 people
wednesday night, announced that
it hoped the public was aware
Wednesday night, announced that
it hoped the public was aware
that the dc-10 was not at fault
It hoped the public was aware
that the dc-10 was not at fault
in the accident.
That the dc-10 was not at fault
in the accident.
Quote: "the plane is still
In the accident.
Quote: "the plane is still
the best and safest way
Quote: "the plane is still
the best and safest way
to travel anywhere."
The best and safest way
to travel anywhere."
End quote.
To travel anywhere."
End quote.
Said a company spokesman
End quote.
Said a company spokesman
returning from the investigation
Said a company spokesman
returning from the investigation
onboard a mexican train.
Returning from the investigation
onboard a mexican train.
Bill?
Onboard a mexican train.
Bill?
Voters in birmingham, alabama
Bill?
Voters in birmingham, alabama
this week elected their
Voters in birmingham, alabama
this week elected their
first black mayor...
This week elected their
first black mayor...
Or so they thought!
First black mayor...
Or so they thought!
Mayor-elect, richard arrington,
Or so they thought!
Mayor-elect, richard arrington,
shown here starting to wipe off
Mayor-elect, richard arrington,
shown here starting to wipe off
his black makeup was actually
Shown here starting to wipe off
his black makeup was actually
a white man who reportedly
His black makeup was actually
a white man who reportedly
did it as a halloween prank.
A white man who reportedly
did it as a halloween prank.
The joyful city council
Did it as a halloween prank.
The joyful city council
immediately doubled his salary.
The joyful city council
immediately doubled his salary.
[Laughter]
Immediately doubled his salary.
[Laughter]
in a last ditch effort to solve
[Laughter]
in a last ditch effort to solve
one of canada's major problems
In a last ditch effort to solve
one of canada's major problems
this week, canadian prime
One of canada's major problems
this week, canadian prime
minister, rené lévesque,
This week, canadian prime
minister, rené lévesque,
threw a switch sending 300 volts
Minister, rené lévesque,
threw a switch sending 300 volts
of electricity through
Threw a switch sending 300 volts
of electricity through
maggie trudeau's brain.
Of electricity through
maggie trudeau's brain.
Good luck with that.
Maggie trudeau's brain.
Good luck with that.
Jane?
Good luck with that.
Jane?
And now a special remote
Jane?
And now a special remote
from our roving gourmet
And now a special remote
from our roving gourmet
reporter, laraine newman, with a
From our roving gourmet
reporter, laraine newman, with a
story on the latest rage...
Reporter, laraine newman, with a
story on the latest rage...
Korean surprise dinner parties.
Story on the latest rage...
Korean surprise dinner parties.
Laraine?
Korean surprise dinner parties.
Laraine?
Thank you jane.
Laraine?
Thank you jane.
I'm here at the new duck park
Thank you jane.
I'm here at the new duck park
korean restaurant with...
I'm here at the new duck park
korean restaurant with...
Oh, kim bak how.
Korean restaurant with...
Oh, kim bak how.
And...
Oh, kim bak how.
And...
Chow de wong.
And...
Chow de wong.
Uh, both are from south korea
Chow de wong.
Uh, both are from south korea
and are gonna tell us
Uh, both are from south korea
and are gonna tell us
about the new rage:
And are gonna tell us
about the new rage:
korean surprise dinner parties.
About the new rage:
korean surprise dinner parties.
What exactly is a korean
Korean surprise dinner parties.
What exactly is a korean
surprise dinner party, chow?
What exactly is a korean
surprise dinner party, chow?
A lot of fun.
Surprise dinner party, chow?
A lot of fun.
You got some sweet duck...
A lot of fun.
You got some sweet duck...
[Speaking korean]
You got some sweet duck...
[Speaking korean]
spare ribs, tea,
[Speaking korean]
spare ribs, tea,
about seven people,
Spare ribs, tea,
about seven people,
and small dining room.
About seven people,
and small dining room.
[Shouting in korean]
And small dining room.
[Shouting in korean]
then you get a special
[Shouting in korean]
then you get a special
surprise party noise maker,
Then you get a special
surprise party noise maker,
.38 revolver with only
Surprise party noise maker,
.38 revolver with only
six b*ll*ts... Very noisy.
.38 revolver with only
six b*ll*ts... Very noisy.
Just last saturday we give
Six b*ll*ts... Very noisy.
Just last saturday we give
surprise party for...
Just last saturday we give
surprise party for...
[Continues shouting]
Surprise party for...
[Continues shouting]
we give surprise party
[Continues shouting]
we give surprise party
for president park.
We give surprise party
for president park.
Surprise come right after
For president park.
Surprise come right after
appetizer and just before
Surprise come right after
appetizer and just before
duck ring.
Appetizer and just before
duck ring.
[g*nsh*t]
Duck ring.
[g*nsh*t]
[screams]
[g*nsh*t]
[screams]
surprise, surprise!
[Screams]
surprise, surprise!
Surprise, ha, ha, ha!
Surprise, surprise!
Surprise, ha, ha, ha!
This is... Laraine newman
Surprise, ha, ha, ha!
This is... Laraine newman
with another adventure in
This is... Laraine newman
with another adventure in
dining, back to you, jane.
With another adventure in
dining, back to you, jane.
[Applause]
Dining, back to you, jane.
[Applause]
the state department today
[Applause]
the state department today
rejected an emergency airlift
The state department today
rejected an emergency airlift
to feed the hungry in cambodia
Rejected an emergency airlift
to feed the hungry in cambodia
because of objections
To feed the hungry in cambodia
because of objections
by the phnom penh government.
Because of objections
by the phnom penh government.
However, the department did
By the phnom penh government.
However, the department did
reiterate its full commitment
However, the department did
reiterate its full commitment
to save the cambodian people
Reiterate its full commitment
to save the cambodian people
by at least keeping two
To save the cambodian people
by at least keeping two
cambodians alive...
By at least keeping two
cambodians alive...
One male and one female.
Cambodians alive...
One male and one female.
In a related story,
One male and one female.
In a related story,
mcdonald's has announced a new
In a related story,
mcdonald's has announced a new
promotional campaign.
Mcdonald's has announced a new
promotional campaign.
With every purchase you make of
Promotional campaign.
With every purchase you make of
a big mac, mcdonald's will send
With every purchase you make of
a big mac, mcdonald's will send
the children of cambodia a
A big mac, mcdonald's will send
the children of cambodia a
"goblin goodies" certificate
The children of cambodia a
"goblin goodies" certificate
good for one mcdonald's
"Goblin goodies" certificate
good for one mcdonald's
soft drink.
Good for one mcdonald's
soft drink.
Bill?
Soft drink.
Bill?
A blind horse entered the
Bill?
A blind horse entered the
garden state jumping event
A blind horse entered the
garden state jumping event
this week... And predictably
Garden state jumping event
this week... And predictably
made a complete fool of himself
This week... And predictably
made a complete fool of himself
in front of everybody.
Made a complete fool of himself
in front of everybody.
[Laughter]
In front of everybody.
[Laughter]
say, you ever wonder what that
[Laughter]
say, you ever wonder what that
other mailbox was for?
Say, you ever wonder what that
other mailbox was for?
The one without the slot?
Other mailbox was for?
The one without the slot?
Veteran postman, jeff tyler,
The one without the slot?
Veteran postman, jeff tyler,
let the cat out of the bag
Veteran postman, jeff tyler,
let the cat out of the bag
this week when he was caught
Let the cat out of the bag
this week when he was caught
using the facility while making
This week when he was caught
using the facility while making
his appointed rounds.
Using the facility while making
his appointed rounds.
Says tyler, if it weren't
His appointed rounds.
Says tyler, if it weren't
for this thing, I'd need
Says tyler, if it weren't
for this thing, I'd need
another sack.
For this thing, I'd need
another sack.
[Laughter and groans]
Another sack.
[Laughter and groans]
today in rome, the judges for
[Laughter and groans]
today in rome, the judges for
the "find the pope in the pizza"
Today in rome, the judges for
the "find the pope in the pizza"
contest signaled with a puff of
The "find the pope in the pizza"
contest signaled with a puff of
black smoke that they need more
Contest signaled with a puff of
black smoke that they need more
time to examine entries.
Black smoke that they need more
time to examine entries.
Witnesses said that the smoke
Time to examine entries.
Witnesses said that the smoke
smelled like a pepperoni pizza
Witnesses said that the smoke
smelled like a pepperoni pizza
covered with anchovies.
Smelled like a pepperoni pizza
covered with anchovies.
Last week marked the 100th
Covered with anchovies.
Last week marked the 100th
birthday of thomas edison's
Last week marked the 100th
birthday of thomas edison's
first practical electric
Birthday of thomas edison's
first practical electric
light bulb.
First practical electric
light bulb.
Edison invented many other
Light bulb.
Edison invented many other
modern conveniences:
Edison invented many other
modern conveniences:
the movie camera,
Modern conveniences:
the movie camera,
the phonograph and of course,
The movie camera,
the phonograph and of course,
the amazing edison hotel
The phonograph and of course,
the amazing edison hotel
which still stands in west 47th
The amazing edison hotel
which still stands in west 47th
street here in new york.
Which still stands in west 47th
street here in new york.
But this week it's the light
Street here in new york.
But this week it's the light
bulb's birthday so...
But this week it's the light
bulb's birthday so...
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Bulb's birthday so...
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
♪ happiest of birthdays ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ happiest of birthdays ♪
♪ you old, incandescent
♪ Happiest of birthdays ♪
♪ you old, incandescent
bulb head ♪
♪ You old, incandescent
bulb head ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
Bulb head ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
[applause]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[applause]
jane?
[Applause]
jane?
That's the news...
Jane?
That's the news...
Goodnight and have
That's the news...
Goodnight and have
a pleasant tomorrow.
Goodnight and have
a pleasant tomorrow.
[Cheering and applause]
♪ Hey all, prepare yourselves
for the rubber band ♪
♪ man ♪
For the rubber band ♪
♪ man ♪
♪ you've never heard a sound ♪
♪ Man ♪
♪ you've never heard a sound ♪
♪ like when the rubber
♪ You've never heard a sound ♪
♪ like when the rubber
band man ♪
♪ Like when the rubber
band man ♪
♪ he starts to jam ♪
Band man ♪
♪ he starts to jam ♪
♪ a rubber band man ♪
♪ He starts to jam ♪
♪ a rubber band man ♪
♪ rubber band man, yeah ♪
♪ A rubber band man ♪
♪ rubber band man, yeah ♪
♪ [scatting] ♪
♪ Rubber band man, yeah ♪
♪ [scatting] ♪
thank you...
♪ [Scatting] ♪
thank you...
Thank you very much
Thank you...
Thank you very much
for a far from cool reception.
Thank you very much
for a far from cool reception.
It means a lot to a guy
For a far from cool reception.
It means a lot to a guy
who's traveled so far
It means a lot to a guy
who's traveled so far
to entertain you.
Who's traveled so far
to entertain you.
I'm nick borealis and this is
To entertain you.
I'm nick borealis and this is
the final stop on my tour,
I'm nick borealis and this is
the final stop on my tour,
of my countries distant
The final stop on my tour,
of my countries distant
early warning bases.
Of my countries distant
early warning bases.
I just finished five days
Early warning bases.
I just finished five days
up in thule, greenland
I just finished five days
up in thule, greenland
and I must say view here at
Up in thule, greenland
and I must say view here at
cape farvel is a view that'll
And I must say view here at
cape farvel is a view that'll
be frozen in my memory forever.
Cape farvel is a view that'll
be frozen in my memory forever.
Ha, thought you'd like it.
Be frozen in my memory forever.
Ha, thought you'd like it.
Thank you for reminding me,
Ha, thought you'd like it.
Thank you for reminding me,
paul.
Thank you for reminding me,
paul.
The c.o.'S got a couple of
Paul.
The c.o.'S got a couple of
things he wants me to say
The c.o.'S got a couple of
things he wants me to say
while I'm up here.
Things he wants me to say
while I'm up here.
Say, when you're in town,
While I'm up here.
Say, when you're in town,
please don't litter.
Say, when you're in town,
please don't litter.
Even though we do control
Please don't litter.
Even though we do control
the airspace over greenland
Even though we do control
the airspace over greenland
we're guests here and
The airspace over greenland
we're guests here and
we always wanna be welcome.
We're guests here and
we always wanna be welcome.
And on kind of a down note,
We always wanna be welcome.
And on kind of a down note,
apparently there was an
And on kind of a down note,
apparently there was an
attempted as*ault near the base.
Apparently there was an
attempted as*ault near the base.
The locals are upset.
Attempted as*ault near the base.
The locals are upset.
Somebody chased a chinook woman
The locals are upset.
Somebody chased a chinook woman
out onto an ice flow and
Somebody chased a chinook woman
out onto an ice flow and
she just got back last night
Out onto an ice flow and
she just got back last night
but that was two days ago.
She just got back last night
but that was two days ago.
So, uh, she's okay,
But that was two days ago.
So, uh, she's okay,
but a little bit shaken up.
So, uh, she's okay,
but a little bit shaken up.
The assailant was described as
But a little bit shaken up.
The assailant was described as
tall, dark, and with an accent.
The assailant was described as
tall, dark, and with an accent.
Anybody with any info,
Tall, dark, and with an accent.
Anybody with any info,
contact captain williams.
Anybody with any info,
contact captain williams.
Everything, of course,
Contact captain williams.
Everything, of course,
will be confidential.
Everything, of course,
will be confidential.
[♪...]
Will be confidential.
[♪...]
♪ It was the third
[♪...]
♪ It was the third
of september ♪
♪ It was the third
of september ♪
♪ that day I'll always
Of september ♪
♪ that day I'll always
remember, yes I will ♪
♪ That day I'll always
remember, yes I will ♪
♪ 'cause that was the day
Remember, yes I will ♪
♪ 'cause that was the day
that my daddy d*ed ♪
♪ 'Cause that was the day
that my daddy d*ed ♪
♪ oh, paul do it to me ♪
That my daddy d*ed ♪
♪ oh, paul do it to me ♪
♪ papa was a rolling stone ♪
♪ Oh, paul do it to me ♪
♪ papa was a rolling stone ♪
mine was, anybody else?
♪ Papa was a rolling stone ♪
mine was, anybody else?
♪ Wherever the dude laid
Mine was, anybody else?
♪ Wherever the dude laid
his hat was his home ♪
♪ Wherever the dude laid
his hat was his home ♪
♪ and when he d*ed ♪
His hat was his home ♪
♪ and when he d*ed ♪
♪ all that he left us
♪ And when he d*ed ♪
♪ all that he left us
was alone ♪
♪ All that he left us
was alone ♪
thank you, thank you, hey,
Was alone ♪
thank you, thank you, hey,
let's see who's here
Thank you, thank you, hey,
let's see who's here
for the show tonight.
Let's see who's here
for the show tonight.
Hey, good guy, tell me what's
For the show tonight.
Hey, good guy, tell me what's
your name, what's your hitch?
Hey, good guy, tell me what's
your name, what's your hitch?
Preston freeston.
Your name, what's your hitch?
Preston freeston.
I may have another six
Preston freeston.
I may have another six
months here, man.
I may have another six
months here, man.
I'm appealing now.
Months here, man.
I'm appealing now.
What seems to be
I'm appealing now.
What seems to be
the problem?
What seems to be
the problem?
Well, you see, I enlisted
The problem?
Well, you see, I enlisted
and they have a guarantee
Well, you see, I enlisted
and they have a guarantee
program, you know, where you
And they have a guarantee
program, you know, where you
can apply to go anywhere you
Program, you know, where you
can apply to go anywhere you
want, anywhere you want,
Can apply to go anywhere you
want, anywhere you want,
and I wanted to be in hawaii,
Want, anywhere you want,
and I wanted to be in hawaii,
right, but they also got a rule
And I wanted to be in hawaii,
right, but they also got a rule
that if you make a mistake
Right, but they also got a rule
that if you make a mistake
on the forms, then they could
That if you make a mistake
on the forms, then they could
send you anywhere they want!
On the forms, then they could
send you anywhere they want!
So, that's how I ended up
Send you anywhere they want!
So, that's how I ended up
here in greenland, man.
So, that's how I ended up
here in greenland, man.
Nearly everybody here made
Here in greenland, man.
Nearly everybody here made
mistakes on their forms.
Nearly everybody here made
mistakes on their forms.
Wow, that, ouch.
Mistakes on their forms.
Wow, that, ouch.
Well, it's gonna be a tough
Wow, that, ouch.
Well, it's gonna be a tough
couple of months here perhaps
Well, it's gonna be a tough
couple of months here perhaps
but you're gonna gain something
Couple of months here perhaps
but you're gonna gain something
that you can't put a price on.
But you're gonna gain something
that you can't put a price on.
♪ Oh, we don't ask
That you can't put a price on.
♪ Oh, we don't ask
for experience ♪
♪ Oh, we don't ask
for experience ♪
♪ we give it ♪
For experience ♪
♪ we give it ♪
♪ you won't read it in a book ♪
♪ We give it ♪
♪ you won't read it in a book ♪
♪ uh-uh, you're gonna live it ♪
♪ You won't read it in a book ♪
♪ uh-uh, you're gonna live it ♪
♪ army, air force,
♪ Uh-uh, you're gonna live it ♪
♪ army, air force,
navy and marines ♪
♪ Army, air force,
navy and marines ♪
oh, the hell with all them.
Navy and marines ♪
oh, the hell with all them.
♪ Join the people
Oh, the hell with all them.
♪ Join the people
who join the army ♪
♪ Join the people
who join the army ♪
thank you, hey, I'm curious...
Who join the army ♪
thank you, hey, I'm curious...
How many people out there
Thank you, hey, I'm curious...
How many people out there
saw "blacula"?
How many people out there
saw "blacula"?
Anybody, "blacula"?
Saw "blacula"?
Anybody, "blacula"?
Scared the hell outta me.
Anybody, "blacula"?
Scared the hell outta me.
Let's see who else we
Scared the hell outta me.
Let's see who else we
got in this crowd tonight.
Let's see who else we
got in this crowd tonight.
Hey, dude, your name
Got in this crowd tonight.
Hey, dude, your name
and your hitch, come on back.
Hey, dude, your name
and your hitch, come on back.
Oh, I'm master sergeant
And your hitch, come on back.
Oh, I'm master sergeant
evander williams, I'm a lifer.
Oh, I'm master sergeant
evander williams, I'm a lifer.
Sucker.
Evander williams, I'm a lifer.
Sucker.
You's a fool!
Sucker.
You's a fool!
Where did it all start
You's a fool!
Where did it all start
for you, ev, korea?
Where did it all start
for you, ev, korea?
Yeah, that was my first tour.
For you, ev, korea?
Yeah, that was my first tour.
You might say I was the original
Yeah, that was my first tour.
You might say I was the original
"soul man".
You might say I was the original
"soul man".
He's one of the
"Soul man".
He's one of the
original dummies.
He's one of the
original dummies.
[Troops laugh]
Original dummies.
[Troops laugh]
dummies is mean, but soul man
[Troops laugh]
dummies is mean, but soul man
I like, I got that, by the way.
Dummies is mean, but soul man
I like, I got that, by the way.
Tell me, what do you think of
I like, I got that, by the way.
Tell me, what do you think of
this whole president park
Tell me, what do you think of
this whole president park
assassination business?
This whole president park
assassination business?
I think I'm speaking for
Assassination business?
I think I'm speaking for
everybody here at cape farvel
I think I'm speaking for
everybody here at cape farvel
when I say, we'd like nothing
Everybody here at cape farvel
when I say, we'd like nothing
more than a full and
When I say, we'd like nothing
more than a full and
complete investigation.
More than a full and
complete investigation.
Have you ever since anything
Complete investigation.
Have you ever since anything
as sick as that?
Have you ever since anything
as sick as that?
Oh, yeah.
As sick as that?
Oh, yeah.
Vietnam was sick.
Oh, yeah.
Vietnam was sick.
The dominican republic...
Vietnam was sick.
The dominican republic...
That was very, very weird.
The dominican republic...
That was very, very weird.
And the bay of pigs
That was very, very weird.
And the bay of pigs
was perverse.
And the bay of pigs
was perverse.
But jonestown, that was the
Was perverse.
But jonestown, that was the
all-time funkiest.
But jonestown, that was the
all-time funkiest.
I hate it when man
All-time funkiest.
I hate it when man
turns against man.
I hate it when man
turns against man.
You know what I think?
Turns against man.
You know what I think?
♪ w*r, huh ♪
You know what I think?
♪ w*r, huh ♪
♪ what is it good for? ♪
♪ w*r, huh ♪
♪ what is it good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
♪ What is it good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
say it again!
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
say it again!
♪ w*r, uh ♪
Say it again!
♪ w*r, uh ♪
♪ what is it good for? ♪
♪ w*r, uh ♪
♪ what is it good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
♪ What is it good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
[grunts]
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
[grunts]
♪ w*r is such a heartbreaker ♪
[Grunts]
♪ w*r is such a heartbreaker ♪
♪ it's good only for
♪ w*r is such a heartbreaker ♪
♪ it's good only for
the undertaker ♪
♪ It's good only for
the undertaker ♪
♪ w*r ♪
The undertaker ♪
♪ w*r ♪
♪ what is it good for? ♪
♪ w*r ♪
♪ what is it good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
♪ What is it good for? ♪
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
huh, w*r, forget it.
♪ Absolutely nothing ♪
huh, w*r, forget it.
[Troops applaud]
Huh, w*r, forget it.
[Troops applaud]
hey, question I'd like
[Troops applaud]
hey, question I'd like
to ask this crowd:
Hey, question I'd like
to ask this crowd:
was elvis and were the everly
To ask this crowd:
was elvis and were the everly
brothers treated just like
Was elvis and were the everly
brothers treated just like
anybody else?
Brothers treated just like
anybody else?
Interesting, good to know.
Anybody else?
Interesting, good to know.
I was curious about that.
Interesting, good to know.
I was curious about that.
Hey, that's a good idea, paul.
I was curious about that.
Hey, that's a good idea, paul.
Turn it up.
Hey, that's a good idea, paul.
Turn it up.
Is it gettin' any warmer
Turn it up.
Is it gettin' any warmer
out there?
Is it gettin' any warmer
out there?
You like to get
Out there?
You like to get
the good weather when you
You like to get
the good weather when you
travel, you know?
The good weather when you
travel, you know?
And the sad part is, we're up
Travel, you know?
And the sad part is, we're up
here in greenland, we get
And the sad part is, we're up
here in greenland, we get
five days of night.
Here in greenland, we get
five days of night.
[Chuckles]
Five days of night.
[Chuckles]
it's very disorienting.
[Chuckles]
it's very disorienting.
I wake up in the middle of
It's very disorienting.
I wake up in the middle of
the night and it's noon!
I wake up in the middle of
the night and it's noon!
That's right.
The night and it's noon!
That's right.
♪ Does anybody really know
That's right.
♪ Does anybody really know
what time it is? ♪
♪ Does anybody really know
what time it is? ♪
♪ Does any of you dudes care? ♪
What time it is? ♪
♪ Does any of you dudes care? ♪
What time is it anyway, paul?
♪ Does any of you dudes care? ♪
What time is it anyway, paul?
Uh-oh, I think I know
What time is it anyway, paul?
Uh-oh, I think I know
what time it is!
Uh-oh, I think I know
what time it is!
And I think you cats
What time it is!
And I think you cats
are gonna care...
And I think you cats
are gonna care...
About our next guests
Are gonna care...
About our next guests
who are here by the good graces
About our next guests
who are here by the good graces
of the ever so sweet people
Who are here by the good graces
of the ever so sweet people
over at swank magazine.
Of the ever so sweet people
over at swank magazine.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Over at swank magazine.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please join me in welcoming
Ladies and gentlemen,
please join me in welcoming
february's swank mate
Please join me in welcoming
february's swank mate
of the month, miss amber house.
[Troops cheer]
Nick: amber's favorite movies
are star wars and jaws ii
and she enjoys white wine
Are star wars and jaws ii
and she enjoys white wine
and a little bit of moonlight.
And she enjoys white wine
and a little bit of moonlight.
Hey, we're not finished.
And a little bit of moonlight.
Hey, we're not finished.
Let's see swank's july
Hey, we're not finished.
Let's see swank's july
blond bomber,
Let's see swank's july
blond bomber,
miss sigrid lindquist!
Blond bomber,
miss sigrid lindquist!
Bring that young thing in!
Sigrid's turn-offs:
red meat and people
who sleep too much.
Red meat and people
who sleep too much.
And now ladies and gentlemen,
Who sleep too much.
And now ladies and gentlemen,
a special guest, the swank
And now ladies and gentlemen,
a special guest, the swank
mate of the year 1974,
A special guest, the swank
mate of the year 1974,
miss peggy labeller.
Mate of the year 1974,
miss peggy labeller.
[Troops applaud]
Miss peggy labeller.
[Troops applaud]
peggy's turn-offs are
[Troops applaud]
peggy's turn-offs are
junk food and bigotry.
Peggy's turn-offs are
junk food and bigotry.
These girls are up here to keep
Junk food and bigotry.
These girls are up here to keep
your morale up, soldiers.
These girls are up here to keep
your morale up, soldiers.
Your morale up,
Your morale up, soldiers.
Your morale up,
swank you very much.
Your morale up,
swank you very much.
♪ Yeah, shake your booty ♪
Swank you very much.
♪ Yeah, shake your booty ♪
♪ shake, shake, shake ♪
♪ Yeah, shake your booty ♪
♪ shake, shake, shake ♪
♪ shake, shake, shake
♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪
♪ shake, shake, shake
your booty ♪
♪ Shake, shake, shake
your booty ♪
♪ shake your booty ♪
Your booty ♪
♪ shake your booty ♪
swank you very much, girls.
♪ Shake your booty ♪
swank you very much, girls.
[Nick blows kisses]
Swank you very much, girls.
[Nick blows kisses]
oh, you were hot tonight.
[Nick blows kisses]
oh, you were hot tonight.
Hey, I'll see you
Oh, you were hot tonight.
Hey, I'll see you
back in the room.
Hey, I'll see you
back in the room.
Hey, remember, don't open
Back in the room.
Hey, remember, don't open
the door unless it's
Hey, remember, don't open
the door unless it's
"ick-nay orealis-bay".
The door unless it's
"ick-nay orealis-bay".
You know, for the show we're
"Ick-nay orealis-bay".
You know, for the show we're
all putting our makeup on.
You know, for the show we're
all putting our makeup on.
We've done these shows
All putting our makeup on.
We've done these shows
all over the world:
We've done these shows
all over the world:
guam, florida, sitka, korea
All over the world:
guam, florida, sitka, korea
and... See if this makes
Guam, florida, sitka, korea
and... See if this makes
any sense to you...
And... See if this makes
any sense to you...
You're sitting there while I do
Any sense to you...
You're sitting there while I do
my thing to entertain you
You're sitting there while I do
my thing to entertain you
so you can do your thing
My thing to entertain you
so you can do your thing
protecting our way of life.
So you can do your thing
protecting our way of life.
And, we're gonna be back in l.a.
Protecting our way of life.
And, we're gonna be back in l.a.
And we're not gonna forget
And, we're gonna be back in l.a.
And we're not gonna forget
the friends that we made here
And we're not gonna forget
the friends that we made here
and we're not gonna forget that
The friends that we made here
and we're not gonna forget that
we're sleeping a lot sounder
And we're not gonna forget that
we're sleeping a lot sounder
somehow knowing that you're here
We're sleeping a lot sounder
somehow knowing that you're here
keeping america secure from,
Somehow knowing that you're here
keeping america secure from,
against our common ofay behind
Keeping america secure from,
against our common ofay behind
the soviet, you know,
Against our common ofay behind
the soviet, you know,
the iron curtain and so forth.
The soviet, you know,
the iron curtain and so forth.
On behalf of amber, sigrid,
The iron curtain and so forth.
On behalf of amber, sigrid,
peggy, I just wanna hope that...
On behalf of amber, sigrid,
peggy, I just wanna hope that...
Hell, let the song say it.
♪ Oh, happy day ♪
♪ oh, happy day ♪
♪ when jesus washed ♪
♪ Oh, happy day ♪
♪ when jesus washed ♪
♪ oh, when he washed ♪
♪ When jesus washed ♪
♪ oh, when he washed ♪
♪ when jesus washed ♪
♪ Oh, when he washed ♪
♪ when jesus washed ♪
maybe I'll see you at christmas
♪ When jesus washed ♪
maybe I'll see you at christmas
if I can get back.
Maybe I'll see you at christmas
if I can get back.
♪ To wash our sins away ♪
If I can get back.
♪ To wash our sins away ♪
♪ oh, happy day ♪
♪ To wash our sins away ♪
♪ oh, happy day ♪
[crowd applauds]
Announcer: and now it's time
for the continuing
For the continuing
correspondence of
Correspondence of
eleanor roosevelt.
My dearest b.,
Your note arrived this morning
sweet, simple, yet firm.
I like that in a woman.
Sweet, simple, yet firm.
I like that in a woman.
But my darling, you are asking
I like that in a woman.
But my darling, you are asking
for something which I am
But my darling, you are asking
for something which I am
not yet prepared to give.
For something which I am
not yet prepared to give.
I long to satisfy you but
Not yet prepared to give.
I long to satisfy you but
I fear I still must
I long to satisfy you but
I fear I still must
be persuaded.
I fear I still must
be persuaded.
All my love, ellie.
Dear mrs. Roosevelt,
Thank you for your letter
Dated november 12th.
I'm sorry to have to bother you,
the first lady, with such a
I'm sorry to have to bother you,
the first lady, with such a
trivial matter but the fact
The first lady, with such a
trivial matter but the fact
remains that you owe
Trivial matter but the fact
remains that you owe
b. Rothman and sons grocers
Remains that you owe
b. Rothman and sons grocers
a balance of $79.47
B. Rothman and sons grocers
a balance of $79.47
for a shipment of candles.
A balance of $79.47
for a shipment of candles.
We do appreciate your inspired
For a shipment of candles.
We do appreciate your inspired
letters and romantic poems.
We do appreciate your inspired
letters and romantic poems.
If you want to send us
Letters and romantic poems.
If you want to send us
the money and write, fine,
If you want to send us
the money and write, fine,
but we do need the money.
The money and write, fine,
but we do need the money.
Very truly yours,
But we do need the money.
Very truly yours,
miss maureen thompson,
Very truly yours,
miss maureen thompson,
collection department...
Miss maureen thompson,
collection department...
B. Rothman and sons.
My dearest b.,
You are angry, aren't you?
I also like that in a woman.
Dear one, you must know that
every time I use one of those
Dear one, you must know that
every time I use one of those
beautiful, long, tapered
Every time I use one of those
beautiful, long, tapered
hand-dipped candles I can't help
Beautiful, long, tapered
hand-dipped candles I can't help
but feel closer to you
Hand-dipped candles I can't help
but feel closer to you
and your store.
But feel closer to you
and your store.
I love you.
And your store.
I love you.
I want to shout it from the
I love you.
I want to shout it from the
mountains, scream it
I want to shout it from the
mountains, scream it
in the valleys and
Mountains, scream it
in the valleys and
yodel it in the canyons.
In the valleys and
yodel it in the canyons.
If you feel as I do,
Yodel it in the canyons.
If you feel as I do,
cross the first name
If you feel as I do,
cross the first name
off the top of this list
Cross the first name
off the top of this list
write your own name and address
Off the top of this list
write your own name and address
at the bottom and mail copies
Write your own name and address
at the bottom and mail copies
of this letter to six
At the bottom and mail copies
of this letter to six
girlfriends.
Of this letter to six
girlfriends.
Please do not break the chain.
Girlfriends.
Please do not break the chain.
My hot monkey love always,
Please do not break the chain.
My hot monkey love always,
eleanor.
My hot monkey love always,
eleanor.
P.s. Please send another
Eleanor.
P.s. Please send another
shipment of candles...
P.s. Please send another
shipment of candles...
I am beginning to curse
Shipment of candles...
I am beginning to curse
the darkness.
Dear mrs. Roosevelt,
Your letter of december 12th
Has been referred to me
by my assistant,
Miss maureen thompson.
A quick credit check shows
A quick credit check shows
you have ignored payments
and sent similar letters
You have ignored payments
and sent similar letters
to other small stores
And sent similar letters
to other small stores
in the washington area
To other small stores
in the washington area
including frank's hardware,
In the washington area
including frank's hardware,
and miss gigi's french
Including frank's hardware,
and miss gigi's french
lingerie salon.
And miss gigi's french
lingerie salon.
I am sorry but if you do not
Lingerie salon.
I am sorry but if you do not
immediately remit the $79.47,
I am sorry but if you do not
immediately remit the $79.47,
we at b. Rothman and sons
Immediately remit the $79.47,
we at b. Rothman and sons
will be forced to sell your
We at b. Rothman and sons
will be forced to sell your
perverted letters for
Will be forced to sell your
perverted letters for
the amount you owe us.
Perverted letters for
the amount you owe us.
Sincerely, mrs. Betty rothman.
The amount you owe us.
Sincerely, mrs. Betty rothman.
P.s. I did not break the chain,
Sincerely, mrs. Betty rothman.
P.s. I did not break the chain,
I swear.
My dear mrs. Rothman,
Enclosed is a check for $79.47.
I hope you'll accept my
I hope you'll accept my
apologies for the delay.
I assure you that eleanor
Apologies for the delay.
I assure you that eleanor
herself would have taken care
I assure you that eleanor
herself would have taken care
of this were she not at this
Herself would have taken care
of this were she not at this
moment in concord, maine
Of this were she not at this
moment in concord, maine
attending a girl scout
Moment in concord, maine
attending a girl scout
convention with 12,000 young
Attending a girl scout
convention with 12,000 young
girls who look up to her for
Convention with 12,000 young
girls who look up to her for
guidance and affection.
Girls who look up to her for
guidance and affection.
I just hope that our first lady
Guidance and affection.
I just hope that our first lady
and her confounded desire
I just hope that our first lady
and her confounded desire
to please everyone is not
And her confounded desire
to please everyone is not
spreading herself too thin.
To please everyone is not
spreading herself too thin.
Sincerely, franklin
Spreading herself too thin.
Sincerely, franklin
delano roosevelt.
Announcer: this has been
another episode of the
Another episode of the
continuing correspondence
Continuing correspondence
of eleanor roosevelt.
Of eleanor roosevelt.
[Applause]
Miss sally: uh kids,
you're a little early today.
Mr. Bill's not here.
You're a little early today.
Mr. Bill's not here.
He's upstairs.
Mr. Bill's not here.
He's upstairs.
Mr. Bill, will you come down?
He's upstairs.
Mr. Bill, will you come down?
The kids are here.
Mr. Bill, will you come down?
The kids are here.
Mr. Bill: ho ho kiddies, hey.
The kids are here.
Mr. Bill: ho ho kiddies, hey.
Oh boy, are we going to have fun
Mr. Bill: ho ho kiddies, hey.
Oh boy, are we going to have fun
today because we're all
Oh boy, are we going to have fun
today because we're all
gonna stay home.
Today because we're all
gonna stay home.
Yay!
Gonna stay home.
Yay!
Say, miss sally has milk and
Yay!
Say, miss sally has milk and
cookies and spot's gonna play
Say, miss sally has milk and
cookies and spot's gonna play
some records for us and oh!
Cookies and spot's gonna play
some records for us and oh!
[Doorbell rings]
Some records for us and oh!
[Doorbell rings]
uh, say kids, uh,
[Doorbell rings]
uh, say kids, uh,
that's probably mr. Hands.
Uh, say kids, uh,
that's probably mr. Hands.
Let's pretend like we're not
That's probably mr. Hands.
Let's pretend like we're not
here and he'll go away.
Let's pretend like we're not
here and he'll go away.
[Knocking]
Here and he'll go away.
[Knocking]
ohh, oh, miss sally!
[Knocking]
ohh, oh, miss sally!
Mr. Hands: oh, there you are,
Ohh, oh, miss sally!
Mr. Hands: oh, there you are,
mr. Bill.
Mr. Hands: oh, there you are,
mr. Bill.
Everybody's been waiting
Mr. Bill.
Everybody's been waiting
at the studio for you
Everybody's been waiting
at the studio for you
to start your show.
At the studio for you
to start your show.
Mr. Bill: oh well, I have
To start your show.
Mr. Bill: oh well, I have
a cold today... I'm not coming
Mr. Bill: oh well, I have
a cold today... I'm not coming
in so see you later.
A cold today... I'm not coming
in so see you later.
Mr. Hands: oh, you're sick?
In so see you later.
Mr. Hands: oh, you're sick?
Gee, I better stay and
Mr. Hands: oh, you're sick?
Gee, I better stay and
help you get better.
Gee, I better stay and
help you get better.
I know some great home remedies.
Help you get better.
I know some great home remedies.
Mr. Bill: oh no,
I know some great home remedies.
Mr. Bill: oh no,
that's okay, you can go now.
Mr. Bill: oh no,
that's okay, you can go now.
I'll be fine.
That's okay, you can go now.
I'll be fine.
Mr. Hands: first, doctors say
I'll be fine.
Mr. Hands: first, doctors say
you need plenty of aspirin.
Mr. Hands: first, doctors say
you need plenty of aspirin.
Mr. Bill: no, but I don't
You need plenty of aspirin.
Mr. Bill: no, but I don't
have a headache, no, wait, ohh!
Mr. Bill: no, but I don't
have a headache, no, wait, ohh!
Oh why, why!
Have a headache, no, wait, ohh!
Oh why, why!
Mr. Hands: also they say
Oh why, why!
Mr. Hands: also they say
you need lots of rest.
Mr. Hands: also they say
you need lots of rest.
Say, why don't you
You need lots of rest.
Say, why don't you
lie on the couch.
Say, why don't you
lie on the couch.
Mr. Bill: okay, mr. Hands,
Lie on the couch.
Mr. Bill: okay, mr. Hands,
but that's fine, you can go now.
Mr. Bill: okay, mr. Hands,
but that's fine, you can go now.
Thanks a lot, bye!
But that's fine, you can go now.
Thanks a lot, bye!
Mr. Hands: but you need
Thanks a lot, bye!
Mr. Hands: but you need
to keep warm.
Mr. Hands: but you need
to keep warm.
Hey, maybe this hot water
To keep warm.
Hey, maybe this hot water
bottle will help out.
Hey, maybe this hot water
bottle will help out.
Mr. Bill: oh, no wait,
Bottle will help out.
Mr. Bill: oh, no wait,
there's holes in it!
Mr. Bill: oh, no wait,
there's holes in it!
Oh wait, stop it, no wait, ohh!
There's holes in it!
Oh wait, stop it, no wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands: oh mr. Bill,
Oh wait, stop it, no wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands: oh mr. Bill,
you're all wet.
Mr. Hands: oh mr. Bill,
you're all wet.
We better cover up.
You're all wet.
We better cover up.
Mr. Bill: no, but that's
We better cover up.
Mr. Bill: no, but that's
my electric blanket!
Mr. Bill: no, but that's
my electric blanket!
Don't pull it, no, wait, ohh!
My electric blanket!
Don't pull it, no, wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands: you look mighty
Don't pull it, no, wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands: you look mighty
pale, mr. Bill.
Mr. Hands: you look mighty
pale, mr. Bill.
I better take your temperature.
Pale, mr. Bill.
I better take your temperature.
Mr. Bill: no, wait, don't...
I better take your temperature.
Mr. Bill: no, wait, don't...
Mmm, ohh!
Mr. Bill: no, wait, don't...
Mmm, ohh!
Mr. Hands: gee, 106 degrees!
Mmm, ohh!
Mr. Hands: gee, 106 degrees!
Oh gee, I better check
Mr. Hands: gee, 106 degrees!
Oh gee, I better check
your pulse.
Oh gee, I better check
your pulse.
Mr. Bill: oh, no,
Your pulse.
Mr. Bill: oh, no,
but I don't have a pulse,
Mr. Bill: oh, no,
but I don't have a pulse,
wait, no, wait, no, ohh!
But I don't have a pulse,
wait, no, wait, no, ohh!
Mr. Hands: it's really faint.
Wait, no, wait, no, ohh!
Mr. Hands: it's really faint.
I better get the doctor.
Mr. Hands: it's really faint.
I better get the doctor.
Mr. Bill: oh no!
I better get the doctor.
Mr. Bill: oh no!
He's no doctor,
Mr. Bill: oh no!
He's no doctor,
he just wants to be mean!
He's no doctor,
he just wants to be mean!
Mr. Hands: sure,
He just wants to be mean!
Mr. Hands: sure,
he's doctor sluggo.
Mr. Hands: sure,
he's doctor sluggo.
And he says there's
He's doctor sluggo.
And he says there's
a draft in here.
And he says there's
a draft in here.
We better build up the fire.
A draft in here.
We better build up the fire.
I'll make some firewood.
We better build up the fire.
I'll make some firewood.
Mr. Bill: no wait, spot!
I'll make some firewood.
Mr. Bill: no wait, spot!
[Laughter]
Mr. Bill: no wait, spot!
[Laughter]
mr. Hands: here,
[Laughter]
mr. Hands: here,
this'll help warm things up.
Mr. Hands: here,
this'll help warm things up.
Mr. Bill: oh wait,
This'll help warm things up.
Mr. Bill: oh wait,
the house is on fire!
Mr. Bill: oh wait,
the house is on fire!
Wait, help put me out,
The house is on fire!
Wait, help put me out,
mr. Hands, get me out of here!
Wait, help put me out,
mr. Hands, get me out of here!
Wait, wait, no, wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands, get me out of here!
Wait, wait, no, wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands: oh, no,
Wait, wait, no, wait, ohh!
Mr. Hands: oh, no,
the fire extinguisher's empty.
Mr. Hands: oh, no,
the fire extinguisher's empty.
We'll have to try to escape.
The fire extinguisher's empty.
We'll have to try to escape.
Out the window, mr. Bill!
We'll have to try to escape.
Out the window, mr. Bill!
[Glass shatters]
Out the window, mr. Bill!
[Glass shatters]
we'll see you next time
[Glass shatters]
we'll see you next time
when mr. Bill reads
We'll see you next time
when mr. Bill reads
his insurance policy.
When mr. Bill reads
his insurance policy.
Bye-bye!
His insurance policy.
Bye-bye!
[Audience applauds]
Bye-bye!
[Audience applauds]
this is sports hotline.
[Audience applauds]
this is sports hotline.
I'm eddie mcvay... If there's
This is sports hotline.
I'm eddie mcvay... If there's
anything you wanna know about
I'm eddie mcvay... If there's
anything you wanna know about
any kind of sports, let me know,
Anything you wanna know about
any kind of sports, let me know,
call me right now.
Any kind of sports, let me know,
call me right now.
Hello, you're on
Call me right now.
Hello, you're on
sports hotline.
Hello, you're on
sports hotline.
Man: yeah, eddie,
Sports hotline.
Man: yeah, eddie,
this is pete from el camino.
Man: yeah, eddie,
this is pete from el camino.
Yeah, pete,
This is pete from el camino.
Yeah, pete,
what's your question?
Yeah, pete,
what's your question?
Pete: yeah, I'd like to know
What's your question?
Pete: yeah, I'd like to know
if you think taking the hedge
Pete: yeah, I'd like to know
if you think taking the hedge
rack out of sackalo is gonna
If you think taking the hedge
rack out of sackalo is gonna
significantly change the game?
Rack out of sackalo is gonna
significantly change the game?
Well, you know, pete,
Significantly change the game?
Well, you know, pete,
I was against the change.
Well, you know, pete,
I was against the change.
The hedge rack makes
I was against the change.
The hedge rack makes
for a lot of action.
The hedge rack makes
for a lot of action.
A stamper has to jump
For a lot of action.
A stamper has to jump
to avoid the bricks.
A stamper has to jump
to avoid the bricks.
You lose the hedge rack,
To avoid the bricks.
You lose the hedge rack,
I think you lose a lot
You lose the hedge rack,
I think you lose a lot
of the beauty of the game.
I think you lose a lot
of the beauty of the game.
Sorry.
Of the beauty of the game.
Sorry.
Yes, you're on sports hotline.
Sorry.
Yes, you're on sports hotline.
Man: hi, eddie,
Yes, you're on sports hotline.
Man: hi, eddie,
this is sandy.
Man: hi, eddie,
this is sandy.
I want you to settle
This is sandy.
I want you to settle
an argument for me.
I want you to settle
an argument for me.
Two blade runners arrive
An argument for me.
Two blade runners arrive
at the disc at the same time.
Two blade runners arrive
at the disc at the same time.
The judge gives each a red tag.
At the disc at the same time.
The judge gives each a red tag.
Now, that's a point for every
The judge gives each a red tag.
Now, that's a point for every
minute they're on the field,
Now, that's a point for every
minute they're on the field,
right?
Minute they're on the field,
right?
That's right, go on.
Right?
That's right, go on.
Sandy: well, what I wanna
That's right, go on.
Sandy: well, what I wanna
know is who gets to use
Sandy: well, what I wanna
know is who gets to use
the glass bat first
Know is who gets to use
the glass bat first
if they've both been red tagged?
The glass bat first
if they've both been red tagged?
Well, it's really quite
If they've both been red tagged?
Well, it's really quite
simple, sandy.
Well, it's really quite
simple, sandy.
The first one off the field
Simple, sandy.
The first one off the field
is the last one to use
The first one off the field
is the last one to use
the glass bat.
Is the last one to use
the glass bat.
Does that answer your question?
The glass bat.
Does that answer your question?
Sandy: yeah, thanks.
Does that answer your question?
Sandy: yeah, thanks.
Sure...
Sandy: yeah, thanks.
Sure...
Stupid question, though.
Sure...
Stupid question, though.
Hello, sports hotline.
Stupid question, though.
Hello, sports hotline.
Man: eddie, what do you think
Hello, sports hotline.
Man: eddie, what do you think
of this kid, stevens?
Man: eddie, what do you think
of this kid, stevens?
You think he'll make it?
Of this kid, stevens?
You think he'll make it?
Well, I'll tell ya, he really
You think he'll make it?
Well, I'll tell ya, he really
showed me something last friday.
Well, I'll tell ya, he really
showed me something last friday.
That move he put on the tagger
Showed me something last friday.
That move he put on the tagger
twins was really something.
That move he put on the tagger
twins was really something.
They never even got close
Twins was really something.
They never even got close
to putting the hood
They never even got close
to putting the hood
over his head.
To putting the hood
over his head.
I like the way the kid plays.
Over his head.
I like the way the kid plays.
Man: I think he's too young.
I like the way the kid plays.
Man: I think he's too young.
I don't know what
Man: I think he's too young.
I don't know what
the hell you know.
I don't know what
the hell you know.
Thanks for calling though.
The hell you know.
Thanks for calling though.
I'm gonna stop for a minute here
Thanks for calling though.
I'm gonna stop for a minute here
and I'd like to introduce
I'm gonna stop for a minute here
and I'd like to introduce
somebody who's my
And I'd like to introduce
somebody who's my
special guest here.
Somebody who's my
special guest here.
His name is bill russell.
Special guest here.
His name is bill russell.
And he's a basketball player.
His name is bill russell.
And he's a basketball player.
Uh, did I pronounce that
And he's a basketball player.
Uh, did I pronounce that
correctly, mr. Russell?
Uh, did I pronounce that
correctly, mr. Russell?
Yeah, right, basketball.
Correctly, mr. Russell?
Yeah, right, basketball.
Yeah, well, most of my
Yeah, right, basketball.
Yeah, well, most of my
listeners are kind of new
Yeah, well, most of my
listeners are kind of new
to your game, mr. Russell.
Listeners are kind of new
to your game, mr. Russell.
I thought it'd be refreshing
To your game, mr. Russell.
I thought it'd be refreshing
to explain it to them.
I thought it'd be refreshing
to explain it to them.
Wait a minute.
To explain it to them.
Wait a minute.
You don't know about basketball?
Wait a minute.
You don't know about basketball?
You run a sports hotline show
You don't know about basketball?
You run a sports hotline show
and you never heard of
You run a sports hotline show
and you never heard of
basketball?
And you never heard of
basketball?
No, I've heard of basketball,
Basketball?
No, I've heard of basketball,
I just don't think a lot
No, I've heard of basketball,
I just don't think a lot
of the people out there at home
I just don't think a lot
of the people out there at home
have ever heard of the game.
Of the people out there at home
have ever heard of the game.
I mean, it's not like
Have ever heard of the game.
I mean, it's not like
sticks and melons or anything.
I mean, it's not like
sticks and melons or anything.
Sticks and melons...
Sticks and melons or anything.
Sticks and melons...
What's that?
Sticks and melons...
What's that?
Sticks and melons.
What's that?
Sticks and melons.
You don't remember when you were
Sticks and melons.
You don't remember when you were
a kid, sticks and melons, nobody
You don't remember when you were
a kid, sticks and melons, nobody
gets caught, oh, you don't
A kid, sticks and melons, nobody
gets caught, oh, you don't
wanna get caught holding melon.
Gets caught, oh, you don't
wanna get caught holding melon.
Oh, he's got the melon,
Wanna get caught holding melon.
Oh, he's got the melon,
you know?
Oh, he's got the melon,
you know?
Now we play trellis, of course,
You know?
Now we play trellis, of course,
but it's basically
Now we play trellis, of course,
but it's basically
the same game.
But it's basically
the same game.
Trellis?
The same game.
Trellis?
Melons?
Trellis?
Melons?
What are you talking about?
Melons?
What are you talking about?
This is supposed to be
What are you talking about?
This is supposed to be
a sports show?
This is supposed to be
a sports show?
Not only is this a sports
A sports show?
Not only is this a sports
show but I would be willing
Not only is this a sports
show but I would be willing
to bet that I have the most
Show but I would be willing
to bet that I have the most
knowledgeable sports listeners
To bet that I have the most
knowledgeable sports listeners
in all radio.
Knowledgeable sports listeners
in all radio.
Really?
In all radio.
Really?
Well, why don't we call some of
Really?
Well, why don't we call some of
these so-called sports fans
Well, why don't we call some of
these so-called sports fans
of yours?
These so-called sports fans
of yours?
You're gonna end up lookin'
Of yours?
You're gonna end up lookin'
like an idiot...
You're gonna end up lookin'
like an idiot...
It's a great idea.
Like an idiot...
It's a great idea.
All right, you wanna talk
It's a great idea.
All right, you wanna talk
to bill russell, former
All right, you wanna talk
to bill russell, former
hot basketball player?
To bill russell, former
hot basketball player?
Basketball, right?
Hot basketball player?
Basketball, right?
Throw it in the basket.
Basketball, right?
Throw it in the basket.
Dial, uh, around the basket,
Throw it in the basket.
Dial, uh, around the basket,
dial the sports hotline, yes.
Dial, uh, around the basket,
dial the sports hotline, yes.
Sports hotline, go ahead.
Dial the sports hotline, yes.
Sports hotline, go ahead.
Man: yeah, mr. Russell?
Sports hotline, go ahead.
Man: yeah, mr. Russell?
Yes?
Man: yeah, mr. Russell?
Yes?
Man: well, I've heard
Yes?
Man: well, I've heard
of basketball.
Man: well, I've heard
of basketball.
You see, bill?
Of basketball.
You see, bill?
You end up lookin' like a jerk.
You see, bill?
You end up lookin' like a jerk.
Go ahead.
You end up lookin' like a jerk.
Go ahead.
Man: yeah, and I just
Go ahead.
Man: yeah, and I just
wanted to know how many balls
Man: yeah, and I just
wanted to know how many balls
are used in a game?
Wanted to know how many balls
are used in a game?
I mean, it's not like
Are used in a game?
I mean, it's not like
rutterbat, is it?
I mean, it's not like
rutterbat, is it?
Rutterbat?
Rutterbat, is it?
Rutterbat?
This is your knowledgeable
Rutterbat?
This is your knowledgeable
audience?
This is your knowledgeable
audience?
Actually, I can understand
Audience?
Actually, I can understand
the confusion.
Actually, I can understand
the confusion.
See, in rutterbat every player
The confusion.
See, in rutterbat every player
has his own ball and I would
See, in rutterbat every player
has his own ball and I would
guess that in your game it's
Has his own ball and I would
guess that in your game it's
played with just one ball,
Guess that in your game it's
played with just one ball,
is that right?
Played with just one ball,
is that right?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Is that right?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
There's one ball and you sh**t
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
There's one ball and you sh**t
it through a hoop or a basket.
There's one ball and you sh**t
it through a hoop or a basket.
It's called basketball.
It through a hoop or a basket.
It's called basketball.
Now, I can't believe I have to
It's called basketball.
Now, I can't believe I have to
explain this but, uh...
Now, I can't believe I have to
explain this but, uh...
Have you ever seen
Explain this but, uh...
Have you ever seen
a basketball game?
Have you ever seen
a basketball game?
They do it in mexico.
A basketball game?
They do it in mexico.
The baskets are on the ground,
They do it in mexico.
The baskets are on the ground,
right?
The baskets are on the ground,
right?
No, no, it's not on the
Right?
No, no, it's not on the
ground, in fact, it's 10 feet
No, no, it's not on the
ground, in fact, it's 10 feet
up in the air.
Ground, in fact, it's 10 feet
up in the air.
And you have to put
Up in the air.
And you have to put
the ball through the basket
And you have to put
the ball through the basket
to score points, or whatever?
The ball through the basket
to score points, or whatever?
Exactly.
To score points, or whatever?
Exactly.
You put the ball through
Exactly.
You put the ball through
the basket to score points.
You put the ball through
the basket to score points.
Well, I wish we had more time
The basket to score points.
Well, I wish we had more time
'cause it sounds like a fun
Well, I wish we had more time
'cause it sounds like a fun
game, but there is one thing
'Cause it sounds like a fun
game, but there is one thing
I'd like to ask you, russell.
Game, but there is one thing
I'd like to ask you, russell.
You're a big, tall guy,
I'd like to ask you, russell.
You're a big, tall guy,
aren't ya?
You're a big, tall guy,
aren't ya?
You might say that.
Aren't ya?
You might say that.
You must have an incredible
You might say that.
You must have an incredible
advantage for you to push
You must have an incredible
advantage for you to push
the ball up through the basket.
Advantage for you to push
the ball up through the basket.
That's right,
The ball up through the basket.
That's right,
it's a big advantage.
That's right,
it's a big advantage.
By the way, what do you think
It's a big advantage.
By the way, what do you think
of this new kid, stevens?
By the way, what do you think
of this new kid, stevens?
Well, any kid who can handle
Of this new kid, stevens?
Well, any kid who can handle
those twins like that with
Well, any kid who can handle
those twins like that with
avoiding getting the hood put
Those twins like that with
avoiding getting the hood put
over his head, hey,
Avoiding getting the hood put
over his head, hey,
he gotta make it.
Over his head, hey,
he gotta make it.
Couldn't agree
He gotta make it.
Couldn't agree
with you more, bill.
Couldn't agree
with you more, bill.
Thanks for coming down.
With you more, bill.
Thanks for coming down.
This is eddie mcvay.
Thanks for coming down.
This is eddie mcvay.
I gotta go away.
This is eddie mcvay.
I gotta go away.
Tomorrow on sports hotline
I gotta go away.
Tomorrow on sports hotline
I'm gonna be talking with
Tomorrow on sports hotline
I'm gonna be talking with
babe tardish who's the
I'm gonna be talking with
babe tardish who's the
kullsweeper for topeka.
Babe tardish who's the
kullsweeper for topeka.
I know every blood racquet nut
Kullsweeper for topeka.
I know every blood racquet nut
fan aficionado is gonna
I know every blood racquet nut
fan aficionado is gonna
wanna tune in for that one.
Fan aficionado is gonna
wanna tune in for that one.
So, so long everybody.
Wanna tune in for that one.
So, so long everybody.
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
So, so long everybody.
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
Eddie mcvay, I gotta go.
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
Eddie mcvay, I gotta go.
[Applause]
I'm joe garagiola
with important news
for everybody who bought
With important news
for everybody who bought
a chrysler corporation car
For everybody who bought
a chrysler corporation car
during our big rebate offer
A chrysler corporation car
during our big rebate offer
last month.
During our big rebate offer
last month.
If you haven't gotten your
Last month.
If you haven't gotten your
rebate check yet,
If you haven't gotten your
rebate check yet,
please be patient.
Rebate check yet,
please be patient.
The cash to pay those checks
Please be patient.
The cash to pay those checks
will be in our account
The cash to pay those checks
will be in our account
just as soon as we sell a few
Will be in our account
just as soon as we sell a few
thousand more fine chrysler
Just as soon as we sell a few
thousand more fine chrysler
automobiles.
Thousand more fine chrysler
automobiles.
Hey, maybe you need
Automobiles.
Hey, maybe you need
a second car or
Hey, maybe you need
a second car or
a recreational vehicle.
A second car or
a recreational vehicle.
Well now's the time to deal
A recreational vehicle.
Well now's the time to deal
because the cash you pay
Well now's the time to deal
because the cash you pay
on the second car goes right
Because the cash you pay
on the second car goes right
into the fund to pay for
On the second car goes right
into the fund to pay for
the rebate on the first!
Into the fund to pay for
the rebate on the first!
Yep, the more chrysler
The rebate on the first!
Yep, the more chrysler
corporation cars you buy,
Yep, the more chrysler
corporation cars you buy,
the sooner you get your rebate.
Corporation cars you buy,
the sooner you get your rebate.
And to make the deal even
The sooner you get your rebate.
And to make the deal even
sweeter, chrysler corporation
And to make the deal even
sweeter, chrysler corporation
will give you a promissory note
Sweeter, chrysler corporation
will give you a promissory note
for a discount on the second car
Will give you a promissory note
for a discount on the second car
and that's as good as cash
For a discount on the second car
and that's as good as cash
as soon as we pay off
And that's as good as cash
as soon as we pay off
our back taxes.
As soon as we pay off
our back taxes.
So don't wait until you
Our back taxes.
So don't wait until you
may have to get your rebate
So don't wait until you
may have to get your rebate
from the bankruptcy referee.
May have to get your rebate
from the bankruptcy referee.
Get down to your dealer now
From the bankruptcy referee.
Get down to your dealer now
and check it out!
Just don't cash it.
[Applause]
[Applause]
once again, chicago!
Once again, chicago!
[Applause]
[♪...]
♪ I'll never forget
those aimless years ♪
♪ street sounds swirling
Those aimless years ♪
♪ street sounds swirling
through my mind ♪
♪ Street sounds swirling
through my mind ♪
♪ trouble was often in the air ♪
Through my mind ♪
♪ trouble was often in the air ♪
♪ so we fought to forget
♪ Trouble was often in the air ♪
♪ so we fought to forget
our despair ♪
♪ So we fought to forget
our despair ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
Our despair ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ and I'll play you a song ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ and I'll play you a song ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ And I'll play you a song ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ my heart & soul
♪ 'Cause you know ♪
♪ my heart & soul
will carry, carry on ♪
♪ My heart & soul
will carry, carry on ♪
♪ carry on ♪
Will carry, carry on ♪
♪ carry on ♪
♪ carry on ♪
♪ Carry on ♪
♪ carry on ♪
♪ carry on ♪
♪ City life's the only way ♪
♪ street corners
and billiard halls ♪
♪ Street corners
and billiard halls ♪
♪ was our home away ♪
And billiard halls ♪
♪ was our home away ♪
♪ lessons learned ♪
♪ Was our home away ♪
♪ lessons learned ♪
♪ still help me today ♪
♪ Lessons learned ♪
♪ still help me today ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ Still help me today ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ and I've seen it all ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ and I've seen it all ♪
♪ hitmen, thieves
♪ And I've seen it all ♪
♪ hitmen, thieves
and many a brawl ♪
♪ Hitmen, thieves
and many a brawl ♪
♪ but as you see ♪
And many a brawl ♪
♪ but as you see ♪
♪ I still stand tall ♪
♪ But as you see ♪
♪ I still stand tall ♪
[♪...]
♪ It was such a small
space in time ♪
♪ never knew that I would find ♪
Space in time ♪
♪ never knew that I would find ♪
♪ a musical path ♪
♪ Never knew that I would find ♪
♪ a musical path ♪
♪ for all to see ♪
♪ A musical path ♪
♪ for all to see ♪
♪ anxiety into ecstasy ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
[♪...]
[♪...]
♪ Street player ♪
♪ watch me move ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ Watch me move ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ Street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ gonna make you move ♪
♪ Watch me groove ♪
♪ gonna make you move ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ Gonna make you move ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ Street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ Watch me groove ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ woo ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ woo ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ watch me move ♪
♪ Street player ♪
♪ watch me move ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ Watch me move ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ Street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ gonna make you move ♪
♪ Watch me groove ♪
♪ gonna make you move ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ Gonna make you move ♪
♪ street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ Street player ♪
♪ watch me groove ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ Watch me groove ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm a street player ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
[♪...]
[Applause]
[♪...]
Hi, I'm barry white.
If you're a big man
or a tall man,
If you're a big man
or a tall man,
I have good news for you.
Or a tall man,
I have good news for you.
Your days of trying to find
I have good news for you.
Your days of trying to find
stylish clothes in your hard
Your days of trying to find
stylish clothes in your hard
to find size are over.
Stylish clothes in your hard
to find size are over.
One of my "barry white's big
To find size are over.
One of my "barry white's big
and tall that's all" stores
One of my "barry white's big
and tall that's all" stores
is now open in your area.
And tall that's all" stores
is now open in your area.
So remember:
Is now open in your area.
So remember:
♪ if you're big ♪
So remember:
♪ if you're big ♪
♪ if you're tall ♪
♪ If you're big ♪
♪ if you're tall ♪
♪ and you want style ♪
♪ If you're tall ♪
♪ and you want style ♪
♪ then don't you stall ♪
♪ And you want style ♪
♪ then don't you stall ♪
♪ come to big and tall ♪
♪ Then don't you stall ♪
♪ come to big and tall ♪
♪ that's all ♪
♪ Come to big and tall ♪
♪ that's all ♪
announcer: big and tall
♪ That's all ♪
announcer: big and tall
that's all at cedarcrest mall.
Announcer: big and tall
that's all at cedarcrest mall.
Where parking is never
That's all at cedarcrest mall.
Where parking is never
a problem.
Where parking is never
a problem.
[Applause]
You know, that commercial's
been running for a week now and
I hate to say it but I don't
Been running for a week now and
I hate to say it but I don't
think it's helped one bit.
I hate to say it but I don't
think it's helped one bit.
Oh, no, I think
Think it's helped one bit.
Oh, no, I think
it's working, man.
Oh, no, I think
it's working, man.
Not everybody knows that we only
It's working, man.
Not everybody knows that we only
sell for big and tall men only.
Not everybody knows that we only
sell for big and tall men only.
But we're not advertising
Sell for big and tall men only.
But we're not advertising
just so the regular size guys
But we're not advertising
just so the regular size guys
know not to come here.
Just so the regular size guys
know not to come here.
We're lookin' for big and tall
Know not to come here.
We're lookin' for big and tall
that's all!
We're lookin' for big and tall
that's all!
And where are they?
That's all!
And where are they?
I want to know.
And where are they?
I want to know.
Hey, man, look...
I want to know.
Hey, man, look...
It wasn't my idea to invest
Hey, man, look...
It wasn't my idea to invest
all our money in this
It wasn't my idea to invest
all our money in this
barry white franchise.
All our money in this
barry white franchise.
Now I wanted to buy that
Barry white franchise.
Now I wanted to buy that
arthur treachers over there
Now I wanted to buy that
arthur treachers over there
on the turnpike, you know that.
Arthur treachers over there
on the turnpike, you know that.
Yeah, but who insisted on
On the turnpike, you know that.
Yeah, but who insisted on
coming to this mall?
Yeah, but who insisted on
coming to this mall?
It's more like a coal mine
Coming to this mall?
It's more like a coal mine
than a mall!
It's more like a coal mine
than a mall!
Don't worry, duke, those
Than a mall!
Don't worry, duke, those
commercials will work, man.
Don't worry, duke, those
commercials will work, man.
I bet there are thousands of
Commercials will work, man.
I bet there are thousands of
big and tall men who have seen
I bet there are thousands of
big and tall men who have seen
our commercial, baby.
Big and tall men who have seen
our commercial, baby.
No, no.
Our commercial, baby.
No, no.
Probably a lot of tall guys
No, no.
Probably a lot of tall guys
saw it.
Probably a lot of tall guys
saw it.
But I don't know about
Saw it.
But I don't know about
the big ones.
But I don't know about
the big ones.
You see, one of those advertiser
The big ones.
You see, one of those advertiser
guys told me that a lot of
You see, one of those advertiser
guys told me that a lot of
fat people... I'm sorry, a lot
Guys told me that a lot of
fat people... I'm sorry, a lot
of big people, they never
Fat people... I'm sorry, a lot
of big people, they never
get to see commercials
Of big people, they never
get to see commercials
because that's when they
Get to see commercials
because that's when they
go to the refrigerator.
Because that's when they
go to the refrigerator.
And he says if we wanna
Go to the refrigerator.
And he says if we wanna
get to the big people
And he says if we wanna
get to the big people
we'll have to advertise
Get to the big people
we'll have to advertise
on milk cartons.
We'll have to advertise
on milk cartons.
And why didn't you tell me
On milk cartons.
And why didn't you tell me
that he said that?
And why didn't you tell me
that he said that?
Why didn't you tell me
That he said that?
Why didn't you tell me
he said that?
Why didn't you tell me
he said that?
Well, I didn't wanna tell you
He said that?
Well, I didn't wanna tell you
'cause didn't wanna hurt your
Well, I didn't wanna tell you
'cause didn't wanna hurt your
feelings 'cause I know how you,
'Cause didn't wanna hurt your
feelings 'cause I know how you,
how sensitive you are
Feelings 'cause I know how you,
how sensitive you are
about your size.
Hi, is this the store
for fat men?
We feature clothes
For fat men?
We feature clothes
for big and tall people.
We feature clothes
for big and tall people.
Yeah, well, we need a belt
For big and tall people.
Yeah, well, we need a belt
for a fat man, you know.
Yeah, well, we need a belt
for a fat man, you know.
I mean, do you have something...
For a fat man, you know.
I mean, do you have something...
For someone with a like about
I mean, do you have something...
For someone with a like about
a 44 inch stomach?
For someone with a like about
a 44 inch stomach?
Well, now I got a belt here
A 44 inch stomach?
Well, now I got a belt here
but it's a 48 but you could
Well, now I got a belt here
but it's a 48 but you could
put some more holes in it.
That looks like a belt
for a weather balloon!
[Laughter]
For a weather balloon!
[Laughter]
can you imagine the pork butt
[Laughter]
can you imagine the pork butt
that's gonna fit around?
Can you imagine the pork butt
that's gonna fit around?
It makes me sick
That's gonna fit around?
It makes me sick
just thinking about it.
It makes me sick
just thinking about it.
Listen, is there another
Just thinking about it.
Listen, is there another
men's store in this mall?
Listen, is there another
men's store in this mall?
Uh, there used to
Men's store in this mall?
Uh, there used to
be another one.
Uh, there used to
be another one.
This is the only one now
Be another one.
This is the only one now
because floyd unger had a men's
This is the only one now
because floyd unger had a men's
shop down there but they had
Because floyd unger had a men's
shop down there but they had
a fire about a month ago
Shop down there but they had
a fire about a month ago
and they're not open anymore.
A fire about a month ago
and they're not open anymore.
Why don't we just get him
And they're not open anymore.
Why don't we just get him
some aftershave, okay?
Why don't we just get him
some aftershave, okay?
Good idea.
Some aftershave, okay?
Good idea.
Why don't you try
Good idea.
Why don't you try
the thrifter?
Why don't you try
the thrifter?
There's a lot of nice skinny
The thrifter?
There's a lot of nice skinny
people working over there.
There's a lot of nice skinny
people working over there.
Hey, welcome to our store.
People working over there.
Hey, welcome to our store.
Come on in.
Hey, welcome to our store.
Come on in.
Do you have any size 54
Come on in.
Do you have any size 54
suits with vests?
Do you have any size 54
suits with vests?
We have a whole selection
Suits with vests?
We have a whole selection
of 54s, you have come
We have a whole selection
of 54s, you have come
to the right store.
Of 54s, you have come
to the right store.
Now, how did you hear about us?
To the right store.
Now, how did you hear about us?
Did you see our ad on t.v.?
Now, how did you hear about us?
Did you see our ad on t.v.?
No, I heard some people
Did you see our ad on t.v.?
No, I heard some people
talking about it.
No, I heard some people
talking about it.
But do you remember
Talking about it.
But do you remember
where it was?
But do you remember
where it was?
Was it on t.v.?
Where it was?
Was it on t.v.?
I don't remember exactly
Was it on t.v.?
I don't remember exactly
where it was...
I don't remember exactly
where it was...
I think maybe it was
Where it was...
I think maybe it was
at mr. Donut.
I think maybe it was
at mr. Donut.
No, no, I think it was
At mr. Donut.
No, no, I think it was
at dairy queen!
No, no, I think it was
at dairy queen!
Uh, dairy queen, uh-huh.
At dairy queen!
Uh, dairy queen, uh-huh.
Well, try this on, man.
Uh, dairy queen, uh-huh.
Well, try this on, man.
This is just the style for you.
Well, try this on, man.
This is just the style for you.
It isn't really
This is just the style for you.
It isn't really
what I had in mind.
It isn't really
what I had in mind.
You gotta try this on.
What I had in mind.
You gotta try this on.
Gotta try this.
You gotta try this on.
Gotta try this.
Look at that, it's perfect.
Gotta try this.
Look at that, it's perfect.
It's perfect.
Look at that, it's perfect.
It's perfect.
Looks like you lost
It's perfect.
Looks like you lost
30 pounds just putting it on.
Looks like you lost
30 pounds just putting it on.
Yeah, man, you oughta buy
30 Pounds just putting it on.
Yeah, man, you oughta buy
barry white all the time.
Yeah, man, you oughta buy
barry white all the time.
I like the fit but...
Barry white all the time.
I like the fit but...
I think the style
I like the fit but...
I think the style
just isn't right.
I think the style
just isn't right.
Why don't you try on
Just isn't right.
Why don't you try on
the pants?
Why don't you try on
the pants?
Try on the pants.
The pants?
Try on the pants.
Uh, I gotta, I gotta go.
Try on the pants.
Uh, I gotta, I gotta go.
I left my dog in the car.
Uh, I gotta, I gotta go.
I left my dog in the car.
Bring him in here.
I left my dog in the car.
Bring him in here.
We'll take care of him, man.
Bring him in here.
We'll take care of him, man.
We'll take care of him while
We'll take care of him, man.
We'll take care of him while
you try on the suit.
We'll take care of him while
you try on the suit.
Okay, I might do that.
You try on the suit.
Okay, I might do that.
I might come back if
Okay, I might do that.
I might come back if
he's not tired.
I might come back if
he's not tired.
He's not tired?
He's not tired.
He's not tired?
Well, I thought we
He's not tired?
Well, I thought we
had one there.
Well, I thought we
had one there.
He might be back, man,
Had one there.
He might be back, man,
if his dog's not tired.
He might be back, man,
if his dog's not tired.
Look, I'm sure he'll be back.
If his dog's not tired.
Look, I'm sure he'll be back.
Hi duke, hi lonny, hi.
Look, I'm sure he'll be back.
Hi duke, hi lonny, hi.
You just gettin' back?
Hi duke, hi lonny, hi.
You just gettin' back?
Oh, yeah, we had to wait
You just gettin' back?
Oh, yeah, we had to wait
a long time to see him.
Oh, yeah, we had to wait
a long time to see him.
Was the first time I ever
A long time to see him.
Was the first time I ever
gave a haircut in jail.
Was the first time I ever
gave a haircut in jail.
I've given 'em in hospitals,
Gave a haircut in jail.
I've given 'em in hospitals,
in mortuaries, offices.
I've given 'em in hospitals,
in mortuaries, offices.
Floyd was my first jail haircut.
In mortuaries, offices.
Floyd was my first jail haircut.
How are his spirits?
Floyd was my first jail haircut.
How are his spirits?
I can't believe it...
How are his spirits?
I can't believe it...
Floyd unger in the slammer.
I can't believe it...
Floyd unger in the slammer.
He's in pretty good shape
Floyd unger in the slammer.
He's in pretty good shape
considering the charges.
He's in pretty good shape
considering the charges.
You know, arson is not
Considering the charges.
You know, arson is not
a petty crime.
You know, arson is not
a petty crime.
You know I bet the styles are
A petty crime.
You know I bet the styles are
gonna be altogether different
You know I bet the styles are
gonna be altogether different
by the time he gets out
Gonna be altogether different
by the time he gets out
and starts selling suits again.
By the time he gets out
and starts selling suits again.
He wanted me to thank you
And starts selling suits again.
He wanted me to thank you
for the barry white poster.
He wanted me to thank you
for the barry white poster.
He said it was a big hit
For the barry white poster.
He said it was a big hit
down there.
He said it was a big hit
down there.
He wasn't mad at you, jenny?
Down there.
He wasn't mad at you, jenny?
Oh, no, he understood.
He wasn't mad at you, jenny?
Oh, no, he understood.
You know how wonderful floyd is.
Oh, no, he understood.
You know how wonderful floyd is.
I feel terrible.
You know how wonderful floyd is.
I feel terrible.
Come on, jenny,
I feel terrible.
Come on, jenny,
it wasn't your fault.
Come on, jenny,
it wasn't your fault.
If I were floyd's neighbor
It wasn't your fault.
If I were floyd's neighbor
and I saw his garage light on
If I were floyd's neighbor
and I saw his garage light on
at three in the morning,
And I saw his garage light on
at three in the morning,
I would've thought somebody
At three in the morning,
I would've thought somebody
broke in there and I probably
I would've thought somebody
broke in there and I probably
would've reported it
Broke in there and I probably
would've reported it
to the police too.
Would've reported it
to the police too.
Who ever thought they'd find
To the police too.
Who ever thought they'd find
floyd in there cuttin' the
Who ever thought they'd find
floyd in there cuttin' the
labels outta all those suits.
Floyd in there cuttin' the
labels outta all those suits.
Poor floyd.
Labels outta all those suits.
Poor floyd.
Say, did you tell him about
Poor floyd.
Say, did you tell him about
his wife running around with
Say, did you tell him about
his wife running around with
the guy that has the dress shop
His wife running around with
the guy that has the dress shop
in the new mall?
The guy that has the dress shop
in the new mall?
Oh, no.
In the new mall?
Oh, no.
We didn't wanna upset him.
Oh, no.
We didn't wanna upset him.
You know how mad floyd gets
We didn't wanna upset him.
You know how mad floyd gets
whenever anybody even mentions
You know how mad floyd gets
whenever anybody even mentions
the new mall.
Whenever anybody even mentions
the new mall.
I gotta get goin'.
The new mall.
I gotta get goin'.
Ooh, looks like you guys
I gotta get goin'.
Ooh, looks like you guys
got a customer.
Ooh, looks like you guys
got a customer.
Duke: can I help you?
Got a customer.
Duke: can I help you?
Do you know when the
Duke: can I help you?
Do you know when the
scotch tape store down there
Do you know when the
scotch tape store down there
is gonna open up?
Scotch tape store down there
is gonna open up?
[Laughter]
Is gonna open up?
[Laughter]
uh, that's the
[Laughter]
uh, that's the
proprietor there.
Uh, that's the
proprietor there.
Did you wanna buy some tape?
Proprietor there.
Did you wanna buy some tape?
Yeah, I've been waiting
Did you wanna buy some tape?
Yeah, I've been waiting
over there for 15 minutes.
Yeah, I've been waiting
over there for 15 minutes.
Oh, I was just going back
Over there for 15 minutes.
Oh, I was just going back
to the store.
Oh, I was just going back
to the store.
Now, did you want,
To the store.
Now, did you want,
did you want the 39 cent
Now, did you want,
did you want the 39 cent
or the 27 cent?
Did you want the 39 cent
or the 27 cent?
The 39 cent is a better deal.
[Applause]
Thank you, goodnight.
Enjoyed being here!
[Applause]
Enjoyed being here!
[Applause]
[♪...]
Announcer: next saturday
night our host will be buck
henry with musical guest
Night our host will be buck
henry with musical guest
tom petty and the heartbreakers.
Henry with musical guest
tom petty and the heartbreakers.
Wednesday night watch nbc's
Tom petty and the heartbreakers.
Wednesday night watch nbc's
best of saturday night live,
Wednesday night watch nbc's
best of saturday night live,
10 / 9 mountain and central.
Best of saturday night live,
10 / 9 mountain and central.
This is your old voice
10 / 9 Mountain and central.
This is your old voice
in the wilderness, don pardo,
This is your old voice
in the wilderness, don pardo,
saying goodbye.
In the wilderness, don pardo,
saying goodbye.
[♪...]
05x03 - Bill Russell/Chicago
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
The show's comedy sketches, which often parody contemporary American culture and politics, are performed by a large and varying cast of repertory and newer cast members.
The show's comedy sketches, which often parody contemporary American culture and politics, are performed by a large and varying cast of repertory and newer cast members.