Announcer: the "saturday
night" show which you are about
to see will go on as scheduled
Night" show which you are about
to see will go on as scheduled
despite certain technical
To see will go on as scheduled
despite certain technical
difficulties.
Despite certain technical
difficulties.
Unfortunately, a few minutes
Difficulties.
Unfortunately, a few minutes
ago, just after dress rehearsal,
Unfortunately, a few minutes
ago, just after dress rehearsal,
the director of the show, uh,
Ago, just after dress rehearsal,
the director of the show, uh,
died.
The director of the show, uh,
died.
Yeah.
Died.
Yeah.
Yeah? Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah? Okay.
Uh, hi, I'm captain rip rider.
Yeah? Okay.
Uh, hi, I'm captain rip rider.
Uh, no, I'm dan aykroyd.
Uh, hi, I'm captain rip rider.
Uh, no, I'm dan aykroyd.
Well, I'm... I'm kind of s...
Uh, no, I'm dan aykroyd.
Well, I'm... I'm kind of s...
I'm kind of afraid because, uh,
Well, I'm... I'm kind of s...
I'm kind of afraid because, uh,
well, this is live television,
I'm kind of afraid because, uh,
well, this is live television,
where the unexpected can happen,
Well, this is live television,
where the unexpected can happen,
and, well, the unexpected has
Where the unexpected can happen,
and, well, the unexpected has
happened.
And, well, the unexpected has
happened.
We're all quite saddened and
Happened.
We're all quite saddened and
disappointed, but, uh, in show
We're all quite saddened and
disappointed, but, uh, in show
business, we have an old
Disappointed, but, uh, in show
business, we have an old
saying... "The show must go on."
Business, we have an old
saying... "The show must go on."
And although we have this old
Saying... "The show must go on."
And although we have this old
saying, well, the show can't
And although we have this old
saying, well, the show can't
possibly go on without
Saying, well, the show can't
possibly go on without
davey wilson, our director,
Possibly go on without
davey wilson, our director,
who's apparently died.
Davey wilson, our director,
who's apparently died.
Davey is... Is, uh, was one of
Who's apparently died.
Davey is... Is, uh, was one of
the last of a dying breed of
Davey is... Is, uh, was one of
the last of a dying breed of
people who knew, who know how,
The last of a dying breed of
people who knew, who know how,
who knew how live television
People who knew, who know how,
who knew how live television
works.
Who knew how live television
works.
And, of course, the true
Works.
And, of course, the true
testament of a man is the words
And, of course, the true
testament of a man is the words
and thoughts about him spoken by
Testament of a man is the words
and thoughts about him spoken by
those who worked closest with
And thoughts about him spoken by
those who worked closest with
him.
Those who worked closest with
him.
Sir, you knew davey wilson.
Sir, you knew davey wilson.
Uh, yes, I did.
Uh, yes, I did.
What sort of man was he?
What sort of man was he?
Seemed like a nice guy, but
Seemed like a nice guy, but
he was hard to get to know, you
He was hard to get to know, you
know what I mean?
Know what I mean?
Yeah.
Uh, davey wilson, a marvelous
Yeah.
Uh, davey wilson, a marvelous
man and a guy who knew what live
Uh, davey wilson, a marvelous
man and a guy who knew what live
television was all a...
Man and a guy who knew what live
television was all a...
John! How are ya?
Television was all a...
John! How are ya?
What's happening out there?
John! How are ya?
What's happening out there?
What's happening?
What's happening out there?
What's happening?
I'm sitting in front of 350
What's happening?
I'm sitting in front of 350
people, ready to pull down the
I'm sitting in front of 350
people, ready to pull down the
temples of israel and say,
People, ready to pull down the
temples of israel and say,
"live from new york, it's
Temples of israel and say,
"live from new york, it's
'saturday night, '" and nobody
"Live from new york, it's
'saturday night, '" and nobody
knows what's going on.
'Saturday night, '" and nobody
knows what's going on.
Davey is dead.
Knows what's going on.
Davey is dead.
Who?
Davey is dead.
Who?
Davey wilson, our director...
Who?
Davey wilson, our director...
He just died before we went on
Davey wilson, our director...
He just died before we went on
the air.
He just died before we went on
the air.
Danny, what's going on?
The air.
Danny, what's going on?
The lights went out!
Danny, what's going on?
The lights went out!
Uh, yeah, well, davey's dead.
The lights went out!
Uh, yeah, well, davey's dead.
You see, he died before we went
Uh, yeah, well, davey's dead.
You see, he died before we went
on the air.
You see, he died before we went
on the air.
Oh, no, that means we can't
On the air.
Oh, no, that means we can't
do the "delilah" scene.
Oh, no, that means we can't
do the "delilah" scene.
Well, as it stands now, we
Do the "delilah" scene.
Well, as it stands now, we
can't really do anything except
Well, as it stands now, we
can't really do anything except
just sort of stand here and talk
Can't really do anything except
just sort of stand here and talk
to you at home and, uh, and hope
Just sort of stand here and talk
to you at home and, uh, and hope
things work out.
To you at home and, uh, and hope
things work out.
That's just great, you know?
Things work out.
That's just great, you know?
I mean, I research a role all
That's just great, you know?
I mean, I research a role all
week, I read books on delilah, I
I mean, I research a role all
week, I read books on delilah, I
get pictures of delilah, I was
Week, I read books on delilah, I
get pictures of delilah, I was
great as delilah!
Get pictures of delilah, I was
great as delilah!
I had them eating out of my
Great as delilah!
I had them eating out of my
hand in dress rehearsal!
I had them eating out of my
hand in dress rehearsal!
Laraine, please.
Hand in dress rehearsal!
Laraine, please.
Don't worry.
Laraine, please.
Don't worry.
I'll be all right.
Don't worry.
I'll be all right.
As you can see, ladies and
I'll be all right.
As you can see, ladies and
gentlemen, this is a shock to
As you can see, ladies and
gentlemen, this is a shock to
everyone.
Gentlemen, this is a shock to
everyone.
The fact that we're without a
Everyone.
The fact that we're without a
very...
The fact that we're without a
very...
What's going on here, man?
Very...
What's going on here, man?
Davey wilson died.
What's going on here, man?
Davey wilson died.
The director?
Davey wilson died.
The director?
That's right, garrett.
The director?
That's right, garrett.
You worked with davey wilson for
That's right, garrett.
You worked with davey wilson for
almost two years.
You worked with davey wilson for
almost two years.
Is there anything that stands
Almost two years.
Is there anything that stands
out in your memory about him?
Is there anything that stands
out in your memory about him?
He seemed like a nice guy to
Out in your memory about him?
He seemed like a nice guy to
me, man.
He seemed like a nice guy to
me, man.
He never hassled me at all.
Me, man.
He never hassled me at all.
Two years, and he never
He never hassled me at all.
Two years, and he never
hassled garrett... Quite a
Two years, and he never
hassled garrett... Quite a
tribute to the dead
Hassled garrett... Quite a
tribute to the dead
davey wilson.
Tribute to the dead
davey wilson.
Whether you were black or white
Davey wilson.
Whether you were black or white
or red or blue or green,
Whether you were black or white
or red or blue or green,
davey wilson just seemed to be a
Or red or blue or green,
davey wilson just seemed to be a
nice kind of guy.
Davey wilson just seemed to be a
nice kind of guy.
Uh, he was, uh, a nice guy.
Nice kind of guy.
Uh, he was, uh, a nice guy.
Very nice guy.
Uh, he was, uh, a nice guy.
Very nice guy.
Yeah.
Very nice guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right, he pretty
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right, he pretty
much kept to himself.
Yeah, that's right, he pretty
much kept to himself.
Uh-huh.
Much kept to himself.
Uh-huh.
He was a nice guy... Quiet guy,
Uh-huh.
He was a nice guy... Quiet guy,
everybody seems to agree.
He was a nice guy... Quiet guy,
everybody seems to agree.
Yeah.
Everybody seems to agree.
Yeah.
I understand we have a
Yeah.
I understand we have a
film... "Highlights of the
I understand we have a
film... "Highlights of the
career of davey wilson," which
Film... "Highlights of the
career of davey wilson," which
we're about to roll.
Career of davey wilson," which
we're about to roll.
Can you roll the film?
We're about to roll.
Can you roll the film?
Uh, no, because I run these.
Can you roll the film?
Uh, no, because I run these.
Okay, well, we're having some
Uh, no, because I run these.
Okay, well, we're having some
technical difficulties with that
Okay, well, we're having some
technical difficulties with that
film.
Technical difficulties with that
film.
That's easily explainable.
Film.
That's easily explainable.
The film is about the director,
That's easily explainable.
The film is about the director,
davey wilson, who just died, and
The film is about the director,
davey wilson, who just died, and
he's the only one who really
Davey wilson, who just died, and
he's the only one who really
knows how the technical end
He's the only one who really
knows how the technical end
works.
Knows how the technical end
works.
Say garrett or john or myself
Works.
Say garrett or john or myself
had died and we were rolling a
Say garrett or john or myself
had died and we were rolling a
film on us, well, we'd have no
Had died and we were rolling a
film on us, well, we'd have no
problem because we're on the
Film on us, well, we'd have no
problem because we're on the
acting end, as opposed to the,
Problem because we're on the
acting end, as opposed to the,
uh, technical end.
Acting end, as opposed to the,
uh, technical end.
And, well, film is technical,
Uh, technical end.
And, well, film is technical,
and davey knew that stuff, and
And, well, film is technical,
and davey knew that stuff, and
he's not here.
And davey knew that stuff, and
he's not here.
He's kind of gone.
He's not here.
He's kind of gone.
And that's the irony here, I
He's kind of gone.
And that's the irony here, I
think.
And that's the irony here, I
think.
It's a real ironic situation.
Think.
It's a real ironic situation.
Jane! Jane curtin is here.
It's a real ironic situation.
Jane! Jane curtin is here.
And, jane, you knew davey.
Jane! Jane curtin is here.
And, jane, you knew davey.
You must have something that you
And, jane, you knew davey.
You must have something that you
could share about him with us.
You must have something that you
could share about him with us.
Uh...
Could share about him with us.
Uh...
I once heard davey say he really
Uh...
I once heard davey say he really
liked the beatles.
I once heard davey say he really
liked the beatles.
Well, here's something about
Liked the beatles.
Well, here's something about
him... He liked the beatles.
Well, here's something about
him... He liked the beatles.
Yeah, a white man who liked
Him... He liked the beatles.
Yeah, a white man who liked
the beatles... Now, that's
Yeah, a white man who liked
the beatles... Now, that's
interesting, man.
The beatles... Now, that's
interesting, man.
And I think the beatles
Interesting, man.
And I think the beatles
summed it up best when they
And I think the beatles
summed it up best when they
said, "ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life
Summed it up best when they
said, "ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life
goes on, bra."
Said, "ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life
goes on, bra."
Ah, thank you, thank you,
Goes on, bra."
Ah, thank you, thank you,
jane.
Ah, thank you, thank you,
jane.
Thank you, dan, and thank
Jane.
Thank you, dan, and thank
you, dave.
Thank you, dan, and thank
you, dave.
All right.
You, dave.
All right.
Bill! Bill murray.
All right.
Bill! Bill murray.
Bill murray... The newest of
Bill! Bill murray.
Bill murray... The newest of
the not-ready-for-prime-time
Bill murray... The newest of
the not-ready-for-prime-time
players.
The not-ready-for-prime-time
players.
Yes, I am.
Players.
Yes, I am.
Perhaps you have a story
Yes, I am.
Perhaps you have a story
about dave wilson, our deceased
Perhaps you have a story
about dave wilson, our deceased
director, that you could tell
About dave wilson, our deceased
director, that you could tell
the folks.
Director, that you could tell
the folks.
Sure, uh, uh, davey and I
The folks.
Sure, uh, uh, davey and I
used to drink a lot of coffee
Sure, uh, uh, davey and I
used to drink a lot of coffee
together.
Used to drink a lot of coffee
together.
And, uh, one time, I was at the
Together.
And, uh, one time, I was at the
machine, and he said, "don't
And, uh, one time, I was at the
machine, and he said, "don't
drink the milk.
Machine, and he said, "don't
drink the milk.
It's sour."
Drink the milk.
It's sour."
And I drank it anyway, and it
It's sour."
And I drank it anyway, and it
was sour.
And I drank it anyway, and it
was sour.
But, uh, you know, it was nice
Was sour.
But, uh, you know, it was nice
of him to tell me that.
But, uh, you know, it was nice
of him to tell me that.
Thank you, bill, for that
Of him to tell me that.
Thank you, bill, for that
story about davey wilson.
Thank you, bill, for that
story about davey wilson.
If there's any one person who
Story about davey wilson.
If there's any one person who
relied on davey wilson more than
If there's any one person who
relied on davey wilson more than
anybody else, it would have to
Relied on davey wilson more than
anybody else, it would have to
be the host.
Anybody else, it would have to
be the host.
This is sissy spacek, the host
Be the host.
This is sissy spacek, the host
of this week's show, which isn't
This is sissy spacek, the host
of this week's show, which isn't
quite the show we or she thought
Of this week's show, which isn't
quite the show we or she thought
it would be.
Quite the show we or she thought
it would be.
Sissy, this is your first tv
It would be.
Sissy, this is your first tv
show.
Sissy, this is your first tv
show.
Yes, it is, danny.
Show.
Yes, it is, danny.
I usually work in movies, and if
Yes, it is, danny.
I usually work in movies, and if
someone dies in the movies, we
I usually work in movies, and if
someone dies in the movies, we
just stop filming.
Someone dies in the movies, we
just stop filming.
But here, everything just falls
Just stop filming.
But here, everything just falls
apart.
But here, everything just falls
apart.
I... I guess that's what makes
Apart.
I... I guess that's what makes
live tv so exciting.
I... I guess that's what makes
live tv so exciting.
Yes!
Live tv so exciting.
Yes!
The excitement of live
Yes!
The excitement of live
television.
The excitement of live
television.
Yes!
Television.
Yes!
Yeah!
Yes!
Yeah!
I just hope we get to do
Yeah!
I just hope we get to do
something that we rehearsed.
I just hope we get to do
something that we rehearsed.
Well, sissy, we're sorry that
Something that we rehearsed.
Well, sissy, we're sorry that
it happened this week.
Well, sissy, we're sorry that
it happened this week.
And, you know, I know that if
It happened this week.
And, you know, I know that if
davey...
And, you know, I know that if
davey...
Danny, they're getting ready
Davey...
Danny, they're getting ready
to run the film.
Danny, they're getting ready
to run the film.
Okay, I think they're ready
To run the film.
Okay, I think they're ready
to roll that obituary film, the
Okay, I think they're ready
to roll that obituary film, the
standard obituary film.
To roll that obituary film, the
standard obituary film.
Ready to roll the film now?
Standard obituary film.
Ready to roll the film now?
No.
Ready to roll the film now?
No.
Okay, fine.
No.
Okay, fine.
Gilda radner, you knew davey as
Okay, fine.
Gilda radner, you knew davey as
well as any one of the
Gilda radner, you knew davey as
well as any one of the
not-ready-for-prime-time
Well as any one of the
not-ready-for-prime-time
players.
Not-ready-for-prime-time
players.
Uh, yes, I did.
Players.
Uh, yes, I did.
He reminded me of my
Uh, yes, I did.
He reminded me of my
grandfather.
He reminded me of my
grandfather.
Oh, yeah?
Grandfather.
Oh, yeah?
What does your grandfather do?
Oh, yeah?
What does your grandfather do?
He died.
What does your grandfather do?
He died.
What did he do before that?
He died.
What did he do before that?
He was real sick.
What did he do before that?
He was real sick.
And, uh, before that?
He was real sick.
And, uh, before that?
Well, he had a lot of
And, uh, before that?
Well, he had a lot of
headaches.
Well, he had a lot of
headaches.
How about before that?
Headaches.
How about before that?
He used to yell at my
How about before that?
He used to yell at my
grandmother.
He used to yell at my
grandmother.
Okay, thank you, gilda, thank
Grandmother.
Okay, thank you, gilda, thank
you.
Okay, thank you, gilda, thank
you.
You know, there's an old saying
You.
You know, there's an old saying
that, well, "you can tell a lot
You know, there's an old saying
that, well, "you can tell a lot
about a man from the... Contents
That, well, "you can tell a lot
about a man from the... Contents
of his wallet."
About a man from the... Contents
of his wallet."
Let's see, uh, davey was, uh,
Of his wallet."
Let's see, uh, davey was, uh,
let's see.
Let's see, uh, davey was, uh,
let's see.
Our director, davey wilson, was
Let's see.
Our director, davey wilson, was
a member of the diner's club.
Our director, davey wilson, was
a member of the diner's club.
And...
A member of the diner's club.
And...
The film?
And...
The film?
The film is up!
The film?
The film is up!
The film is on.
The film is up!
The film is on.
The nbc obituary...
The film is on.
The nbc obituary...
No, it stopped.
The nbc obituary...
No, it stopped.
No, the film on davey wilson,
No, it stopped.
No, the film on davey wilson,
our late director, our very
No, the film on davey wilson,
our late director, our very
recently deceased director,
Our late director, our very
recently deceased director,
davey wilson... The standard nbc
Recently deceased director,
davey wilson... The standard nbc
obituary film.
Davey wilson... The standard nbc
obituary film.
Not on. It's not on.
Obituary film.
Not on. It's not on.
Ah, there it is!
Not on. It's not on.
Ah, there it is!
Announcer: davey wilson,
Ah, there it is!
Announcer: davey wilson,
winner of a 1976 emmy for
Announcer: davey wilson,
winner of a 1976 emmy for
directing the "saturday night"
Winner of a 1976 emmy for
directing the "saturday night"
show.
Directing the "saturday night"
show.
His untimely death brought to
Show.
His untimely death brought to
an end a career of directing
His untimely death brought to
an end a career of directing
that stretched over 20 years and
An end a career of directing
that stretched over 20 years and
included such hits as
That stretched over 20 years and
included such hits as
"the paul weesner story"...
Included such hits as
"the paul weesner story"...
"Mambo macambo"...
"The paul weesner story"...
"Mambo macambo"...
"Animal fun"...
"Mambo macambo"...
"Animal fun"...
"Hats off, ensign o'rourke"...
"Animal fun"...
"Hats off, ensign o'rourke"...
And "cincinnati midday."
Um, danny, danny?
Yeah?
We're on. We're on.
Yeah?
We're on. We're on.
Okay. All right.
We're on. We're on.
Okay. All right.
No, you can't take his money.
Okay. All right.
No, you can't take his money.
We found a card here, a
No, you can't take his money.
We found a card here, a
medic alert card.
We found a card here, a
medic alert card.
A medic alert card has been
Medic alert card.
A medic alert card has been
found.
A medic alert card has been
found.
Could somebody...
Found.
Could somebody...
A medic alert card has been
Could somebody...
A medic alert card has been
found.
A medic alert card has been
found.
It says, "in the event of loss
Found.
It says, "in the event of loss
of consciousness, say, "live
It says, "in the event of loss
of consciousness, say, "live
from new york, it's
Of consciousness, say, "live
from new york, it's
'saturday night.'"
From new york, it's
'saturday night.'"
All: live from new york, it's
'Saturday night.'"
All: live from new york, it's
"saturday night"!
All: live from new york, it's
"saturday night"!
Aah!
"Saturday night"!
Aah!
Ah!
Aah!
Ah!
Tape roll!
Ah!
Tape roll!
[Band plays]
Announcer: nbc's "saturday
night."
Starring...
With her special guest...
And...
Ladies and gentlemen,
sissy spacek!
Thank you, thank you.
It's really great to be here
tonight.
It's really great to be here
tonight.
God, I can hardly believe it.
Tonight.
God, I can hardly believe it.
I come from a really small town
God, I can hardly believe it.
I come from a really small town
in texas called quitman.
I come from a really small town
in texas called quitman.
Population... 1,237.
In texas called quitman.
Population... 1,237.
Oh, and my background didn't
Population... 1,237.
Oh, and my background didn't
prepare me for a night like
Oh, and my background didn't
prepare me for a night like
this.
Prepare me for a night like
this.
These past few months have been
This.
These past few months have been
incredible.
These past few months have been
incredible.
I'm doing my first live tv show.
Incredible.
I'm doing my first live tv show.
I got to be on the cover of
I'm doing my first live tv show.
I got to be on the cover of
newsweek magazine.
I got to be on the cover of
newsweek magazine.
And I've been nominated for an
Newsweek magazine.
And I've been nominated for an
academy award for my work in the
And I've been nominated for an
academy award for my work in the
film "carrie."
Academy award for my work in the
film "carrie."
[Applause]
Thank you.
When I found out about the
nomination, I called the academy
When I found out about the
nomination, I called the academy
to be sure there hadn't been a
Nomination, I called the academy
to be sure there hadn't been a
mistake, and they said, no,
To be sure there hadn't been a
mistake, and they said, no,
there hadn't been a mistake.
Mistake, and they said, no,
there hadn't been a mistake.
And the other nominees were
There hadn't been a mistake.
And the other nominees were
liv ullmann,
And the other nominees were
liv ullmann,
marie-christine barrault,
Liv ullmann,
marie-christine barrault,
talia shire, and faye dunaway.
Marie-christine barrault,
talia shire, and faye dunaway.
And I said, "if I come, can I
Talia shire, and faye dunaway.
And I said, "if I come, can I
keep the program?"
And I said, "if I come, can I
keep the program?"
But I do have a little speech.
Keep the program?"
But I do have a little speech.
And with things being the way
But I do have a little speech.
And with things being the way
they are, I might not get a
And with things being the way
they are, I might not get a
chance to deliver it on oscar
They are, I might not get a
chance to deliver it on oscar
night, so... I want to thank my
Chance to deliver it on oscar
night, so... I want to thank my
mother, my father, my brother,
Night, so... I want to thank my
mother, my father, my brother,
ed, my husband, jack, my
Mother, my father, my brother,
ed, my husband, jack, my
director, brian de palma, my
Ed, my husband, jack, my
director, brian de palma, my
yoga teacher, my dentist, and
Director, brian de palma, my
yoga teacher, my dentist, and
everyone else who helped me on
Yoga teacher, my dentist, and
everyone else who helped me on
my short climb to the top.
Everyone else who helped me on
my short climb to the top.
Oh, and before I forget, I
My short climb to the top.
Oh, and before I forget, I
want to say to the academy
Oh, and before I forget, I
want to say to the academy
members... Not to influence your
Want to say to the academy
members... Not to influence your
vote or anything, but when the
Members... Not to influence your
vote or anything, but when the
ballots go out on monday...
Vote or anything, but when the
ballots go out on monday...
Just remember, my best scene was
Ballots go out on monday...
Just remember, my best scene was
cut from "carrie."
Just remember, my best scene was
cut from "carrie."
And I'd like to, if I can,
Cut from "carrie."
And I'd like to, if I can,
re-create that scene for you now
And I'd like to, if I can,
re-create that scene for you now
to give you more of an idea of
Re-create that scene for you now
to give you more of an idea of
my full talent.
To give you more of an idea of
my full talent.
It's the day after the prom.
My full talent.
It's the day after the prom.
[Music plays]
It's the day after the prom.
[Music plays]
most of the kids aren't around
[Music plays]
most of the kids aren't around
anymore.
Most of the kids aren't around
anymore.
I'm alone on a field, a football
Anymore.
I'm alone on a field, a football
field.
I'm alone on a field, a football
field.
It's the day of the big game.
Field.
It's the day of the big game.
And I've elected myself...
It's the day of the big game.
And I've elected myself...
Oops!
And I've elected myself...
Oops!
Baton queen!
Oops!
Baton queen!
[Whistle blows]
Baton queen!
[Whistle blows]
[marching band plays]
[Rhythmic clapping]
[Music ends]
we'll be right back!
All: ♪ hmm ♪
♪ hold the lettuce,
hold the cheeses ♪
♪ Hold the lettuce,
hold the cheeses ♪
♪ special orders
Hold the cheeses ♪
♪ special orders
don't displease us ♪
♪ Special orders
don't displease us ♪
I'd like a burger,
Don't displease us ♪
I'd like a burger,
medium-rare.
I'd like a burger,
medium-rare.
Could you put grilled onions on
Medium-rare.
Could you put grilled onions on
that but no pickles?
Could you put grilled onions on
that but no pickles?
And if it's not too much
That but no pickles?
And if it's not too much
trouble, would you mind pouring
And if it's not too much
trouble, would you mind pouring
some colombian frog blood
Trouble, would you mind pouring
some colombian frog blood
all over it, please?
Some colombian frog blood
all over it, please?
No trouble at all!
All over it, please?
No trouble at all!
[Shrieking]
No trouble at all!
[Shrieking]
♪ hmm ♪
[Shrieking]
♪ hmm ♪
all: ♪ burgers any way
♪ Hmm ♪
all: ♪ burgers any way
you want 'em ♪
All: ♪ burgers any way
you want 'em ♪
♪ you tell us
You want 'em ♪
♪ you tell us
what's off or on 'em ♪
♪ You tell us
what's off or on 'em ♪
hi, I'd like a burger,
What's off or on 'em ♪
hi, I'd like a burger,
well-done, put a little relish
Hi, I'd like a burger,
well-done, put a little relish
on it, some cold-water
Well-done, put a little relish
on it, some cold-water
detergent, and if it's not too
On it, some cold-water
detergent, and if it's not too
much of a problem, would you
Detergent, and if it's not too
much of a problem, would you
mind blowing your nose on the
Much of a problem, would you
mind blowing your nose on the
bun?
Mind blowing your nose on the
bun?
Comin' up!
Bun?
Comin' up!
[Blows nose loudly]
Comin' up!
[Blows nose loudly]
♪ hmm ♪
[Blows nose loudly]
♪ hmm ♪
all: ♪ drive through
♪ Hmm ♪
all: ♪ drive through
burger master and see ♪
All: ♪ drive through
burger master and see ♪
♪ burgers plain
Burger master and see ♪
♪ burgers plain
and burgers fancy ♪
♪ Burgers plain
and burgers fancy ♪
hey, I'd like a burger.
And burgers fancy ♪
hey, I'd like a burger.
Hey, anything on that?
Hey, I'd like a burger.
Hey, anything on that?
Why, yes... A used hairnet,
Hey, anything on that?
Why, yes... A used hairnet,
moth crystals, old radio parts,
Why, yes... A used hairnet,
moth crystals, old radio parts,
confetti, cole slaw, a catnip
Moth crystals, old radio parts,
confetti, cole slaw, a catnip
mouse, and the entire contents
Confetti, cole slaw, a catnip
mouse, and the entire contents
of a lava lamp.
Mouse, and the entire contents
of a lava lamp.
You're the boss!
Of a lava lamp.
You're the boss!
Announcer: yes, at
You're the boss!
Announcer: yes, at
burger master, you're the boss.
Announcer: yes, at
burger master, you're the boss.
Burgers the way you like 'em at
Burger master, you're the boss.
Burgers the way you like 'em at
prices that'll make you wonder
Burgers the way you like 'em at
prices that'll make you wonder
where we get our meat.
Prices that'll make you wonder
where we get our meat.
So, why not drop down to
Where we get our meat.
So, why not drop down to
burger master today?
So, why not drop down to
burger master today?
Oh, right.
Burger master today?
Oh, right.
Here they are, sir... 50
Oh, right.
Here they are, sir... 50
Burgers, each prepared in their
Here they are, sir... 50
Burgers, each prepared in their
own special way.
Burgers, each prepared in their
own special way.
Oh, one more thing.
Own special way.
Oh, one more thing.
Would you mind jumping up and
Oh, one more thing.
Would you mind jumping up and
down on them until they're
Would you mind jumping up and
down on them until they're
mashed into a disgusting pulp?
Down on them until they're
mashed into a disgusting pulp?
No trouble at all!
Mashed into a disgusting pulp?
No trouble at all!
All: ♪ at burger master, you
No trouble at all!
All: ♪ at burger master, you
are the boss ♪
All: ♪ at burger master, you
are the boss ♪
♪ at burger master, you are the
Are the boss ♪
♪ at burger master, you are the
boss ♪
♪ At burger master, you are the
boss ♪
♪ at burger master, you are the
Boss ♪
♪ at burger master, you are the
boss ♪
♪ At burger master, you are the
boss ♪
♪ at burger master, you are the
Boss ♪
♪ at burger master, you are the
boss ♪
♪ At burger master, you are the
boss ♪
[band plays]
Announcer: and now, live from
the white house,
"ask president carter."
The white house,
"ask president carter."
[As walter cronkite]
"Ask president carter."
[As walter cronkite]
good evening and welcome to
[As walter cronkite]
good evening and welcome to
number 10 in the cbs radio
Good evening and welcome to
number 10 in the cbs radio
series "ask president carter," a
Number 10 in the cbs radio
series "ask president carter," a
continuing experiment in
Series "ask president carter," a
continuing experiment in
presidential communication with
Continuing experiment in
presidential communication with
the american people.
Presidential communication with
the american people.
Mr. President, our first call
The american people.
Mr. President, our first call
this week comes from
Mr. President, our first call
this week comes from
mrs. Edward hobret, or maybe
This week comes from
mrs. Edward hobret, or maybe
it's hobreet.
Mrs. Edward hobret, or maybe
it's hobreet.
[Echoing] that's horbet!
It's hobreet.
[Echoing] that's horbet!
Mrs. Edward horbet, excuse
[Echoing] that's horbet!
Mrs. Edward horbet, excuse
me, of kansas.
Mrs. Edward horbet, excuse
me, of kansas.
Hello, mrs. Horbet.
Me, of kansas.
Hello, mrs. Horbet.
Hello, mr. President.
Hello, mrs. Horbet.
Hello, mr. President.
How are you today?
Hello, mr. President.
How are you today?
Very fine.
How are you today?
Very fine.
Could you turn your radio down,
Very fine.
Could you turn your radio down,
please?
Could you turn your radio down,
please?
Oh, yes.
Please?
Oh, yes.
Mrs. Hoberth, do you have a
Oh, yes.
Mrs. Hoberth, do you have a
question for the president?
Mrs. Hoberth, do you have a
question for the president?
Yes, sir, I'm an employee of
Question for the president?
Yes, sir, I'm an employee of
the u.s. Postal service in
Yes, sir, I'm an employee of
the u.s. Postal service in
kansas.
The u.s. Postal service in
kansas.
Last year, they installed an
Kansas.
Last year, they installed an
automated letter-sorting system
Last year, they installed an
automated letter-sorting system
called the marvex 3000 here in
Automated letter-sorting system
called the marvex 3000 here in
our branch.
Called the marvex 3000 here in
our branch.
Yes.
Our branch.
Yes.
But the system doesn't work
Yes.
But the system doesn't work
too good.
But the system doesn't work
too good.
Letters keep getting clogged in
Too good.
Letters keep getting clogged in
the first-level sorting grid.
Letters keep getting clogged in
the first-level sorting grid.
Is there anything that can be
The first-level sorting grid.
Is there anything that can be
done about this?
Is there anything that can be
done about this?
Well, mrs. Horbet, vice
Done about this?
Well, mrs. Horbet, vice
president mondale and myself
Well, mrs. Horbet, vice
president mondale and myself
were just talking about the
President mondale and myself
were just talking about the
marvex 3000 this morning, as a
Were just talking about the
marvex 3000 this morning, as a
matter of fact.
Marvex 3000 this morning, as a
matter of fact.
I do have a suggestion.
Matter of fact.
I do have a suggestion.
You know the caliper post on the
I do have a suggestion.
You know the caliper post on the
first grid's sliding armature?
You know the caliper post on the
first grid's sliding armature?
Okay, there's a three-digit
First grid's sliding armature?
Okay, there's a three-digit
setting there where the post and
Okay, there's a three-digit
setting there where the post and
the armature meet.
Setting there where the post and
the armature meet.
When the system was installed,
The armature meet.
When the system was installed,
the angle of cross-slide was put
When the system was installed,
the angle of cross-slide was put
at a maximum setting of 1.
The angle of cross-slide was put
at a maximum setting of 1.
If you reset it at the 3 mark,
At a maximum setting of 1.
If you reset it at the 3 mark,
I think you'll solve any
If you reset it at the 3 mark,
I think you'll solve any
clogging problems in the
I think you'll solve any
clogging problems in the
machine.
Clogging problems in the
machine.
Oh! Thanks, mr. President.
Machine.
Oh! Thanks, mr. President.
By the way, I think you're doing
Oh! Thanks, mr. President.
By the way, I think you're doing
a great job.
By the way, I think you're doing
a great job.
Looks like you've been doing
A great job.
Looks like you've been doing
your homework, mr. President.
Looks like you've been doing
your homework, mr. President.
I'd like to take this
Your homework, mr. President.
I'd like to take this
opportunity to say that none of
I'd like to take this
opportunity to say that none of
these calls are screened, that
Opportunity to say that none of
these calls are screened, that
the people of america are
These calls are screened, that
the people of america are
talking directly with the
The people of america are
talking directly with the
president.
Talking directly with the
president.
Our next call comes from a man
President.
Our next call comes from a man
who calls himself dr. Midnight.
Our next call comes from a man
who calls himself dr. Midnight.
Hello, dr. Midnight.
Who calls himself dr. Midnight.
Hello, dr. Midnight.
[Shouting] is roselyn
Hello, dr. Midnight.
[Shouting] is roselyn
there?!
[Shouting] is roselyn
there?!
I really like her!
There?!
I really like her!
All right, sir, thank you
I really like her!
All right, sir, thank you
very much for calling.
All right, sir, thank you
very much for calling.
Hey, cronkite, you stupid
Very much for calling.
Hey, cronkite, you stupid
mother...
Hey, cronkite, you stupid
mother...
Nice one, mr. President.
Mother...
Nice one, mr. President.
Ha ha.
Nice one, mr. President.
Ha ha.
Our next call is peter elton
Ha ha.
Our next call is peter elton
of westburg, oregon, who I am
Our next call is peter elton
of westburg, oregon, who I am
told is 17 years of age.
Of westburg, oregon, who I am
told is 17 years of age.
Hello? Hello?
Told is 17 years of age.
Hello? Hello?
Hello, peter.
Hello? Hello?
Hello, peter.
Is this the president?
Hello, peter.
Is this the president?
Yes, it is.
Is this the president?
Yes, it is.
Do you have a question for
Yes, it is.
Do you have a question for
the president?
Do you have a question for
the president?
I, uh, I took some acid.
The president?
I, uh, I took some acid.
I'm afraid to leave my
I, uh, I took some acid.
I'm afraid to leave my
apartment, and I can't wear any
I'm afraid to leave my
apartment, and I can't wear any
clothes.
Apartment, and I can't wear any
clothes.
And the ceiling is dripping, and
Clothes.
And the ceiling is dripping, and
uh, i...
And the ceiling is dripping, and
uh, i...
Well, thank you very much for
Uh, i...
Well, thank you very much for
calling, sir.
Well, thank you very much for
calling, sir.
No, just a minute, walter.
Calling, sir.
No, just a minute, walter.
This guy's in trouble.
No, just a minute, walter.
This guy's in trouble.
I think I better try to talk him
This guy's in trouble.
I think I better try to talk him
down.
I think I better try to talk him
down.
Peter?
Down.
Peter?
Yeah?
Peter?
Yeah?
Peter, what did the acid look
Yeah?
Peter, what did the acid look
like?
Peter, what did the acid look
like?
Um, they were these little
Like?
Um, they were these little
orange pills.
Um, they were these little
orange pills.
Were they barrel-shaped?
Orange pills.
Were they barrel-shaped?
Uh, yes.
Were they barrel-shaped?
Uh, yes.
Okay, right, you did some
Uh, yes.
Okay, right, you did some
orange sunshine, peter.
Okay, right, you did some
orange sunshine, peter.
Very good of you to know
Orange sunshine, peter.
Very good of you to know
about this.
Very good of you to know
about this.
How long ago did you take it,
About this.
How long ago did you take it,
peter?
How long ago did you take it,
peter?
I don't know.
Peter?
I don't know.
I can't read my watch.
I don't know.
I can't read my watch.
All right, peter, just
I can't read my watch.
All right, peter, just
listen.
All right, peter, just
listen.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Listen.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're very high right now.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're very high right now.
You'll probably be that way for
You're very high right now.
You'll probably be that way for
about five more hours.
You'll probably be that way for
about five more hours.
Try taking some vitamin-b
About five more hours.
Try taking some vitamin-b
complex, vitamin-c complex.
Try taking some vitamin-b
complex, vitamin-c complex.
If you have a beer, go ahead and
Complex, vitamin-c complex.
If you have a beer, go ahead and
drink it.
If you have a beer, go ahead and
drink it.
Just remember, you're a living
Drink it.
Just remember, you're a living
organism on this planet, and
Just remember, you're a living
organism on this planet, and
you're very safe... You've just
Organism on this planet, and
you're very safe... You've just
taken a heavy drug.
You're very safe... You've just
taken a heavy drug.
Now, just relax, stay inside,
Taken a heavy drug.
Now, just relax, stay inside,
and listen to some music, okay?
Now, just relax, stay inside,
and listen to some music, okay?
Do you have any allman brothers?
And listen to some music, okay?
Do you have any allman brothers?
Yeah, yeah, I do, sir.
Do you have any allman brothers?
Yeah, yeah, I do, sir.
Everything's okay, huh, jimmy?
Yeah, yeah, I do, sir.
Everything's okay, huh, jimmy?
It sure is, peter.
Everything's okay, huh, jimmy?
It sure is, peter.
You know, I'm against drug use
It sure is, peter.
You know, I'm against drug use
myself, but I'm not gonna lay
You know, I'm against drug use
myself, but I'm not gonna lay
that on you right now.
Myself, but I'm not gonna lay
that on you right now.
Just mellow out the best you
That on you right now.
Just mellow out the best you
can, okay?
Just mellow out the best you
can, okay?
Okay.
Can, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Well done, mr. President.
Okay.
Well done, mr. President.
Bravo.
Well done, mr. President.
Bravo.
Walter, I'll call peter back
Bravo.
Walter, I'll call peter back
on monday to see if he got down
Walter, I'll call peter back
on monday to see if he got down
okay.
On monday to see if he got down
okay.
Well, we have one more phone
Okay.
Well, we have one more phone
call, the final phone call from
Well, we have one more phone
call, the final phone call from
mr. John smith of
Call, the final phone call from
mr. John smith of
san luis obispo, california.
Mr. John smith of
san luis obispo, california.
Hello, john.
San luis obispo, california.
Hello, john.
[As richard nixon]
Hello, john.
[As richard nixon]
hello, mr. President.
[As richard nixon]
hello, mr. President.
I just wanted to say that I
Hello, mr. President.
I just wanted to say that I
think you're doing a great job.
I just wanted to say that I
think you're doing a great job.
Thank you very much.
Think you're doing a great job.
Thank you very much.
I, myself, was employed at
Thank you very much.
I, myself, was employed at
the white house for several
I, myself, was employed at
the white house for several
years during the nixon
The white house for several
years during the nixon
administration.
Years during the nixon
administration.
And while I was working there, I
Administration.
And while I was working there, I
forgot something on the
And while I was working there, I
forgot something on the
premises.
Forgot something on the
premises.
Yes. What was it?
Premises.
Yes. What was it?
Well, you know the
Yes. What was it?
Well, you know the
franklin delano roosevelt chest
Well, you know the
franklin delano roosevelt chest
of drawers in your bedroom?
Franklin delano roosevelt chest
of drawers in your bedroom?
Yes, I do.
Of drawers in your bedroom?
Yes, I do.
Check the bottom drawer.
Yes, I do.
Check the bottom drawer.
You'll find an envelope taped to
Check the bottom drawer.
You'll find an envelope taped to
the bottom.
You'll find an envelope taped to
the bottom.
There's several thousand dollars
The bottom.
There's several thousand dollars
in small bills in it.
There's several thousand dollars
in small bills in it.
Please send it to me...
In small bills in it.
Please send it to me...
John smith, care of general
Please send it to me...
John smith, care of general
delivery, san clemente,
John smith, care of general
delivery, san clemente,
california.
Delivery, san clemente,
california.
I surely will. Thank you.
California.
I surely will. Thank you.
Well, thank you,
I surely will. Thank you.
Well, thank you,
mr. President.
Well, thank you,
mr. President.
Our time is up for this week.
Mr. President.
Our time is up for this week.
But let me remind you that it is
Our time is up for this week.
But let me remind you that it is
now time to buy your tickets for
But let me remind you that it is
now time to buy your tickets for
the first american "I slept at
Now time to buy your tickets for
the first american "I slept at
the white house" lottery on sale
The first american "I slept at
the white house" lottery on sale
at federal office buildings
The white house" lottery on sale
at federal office buildings
everywhere.
At federal office buildings
everywhere.
The tickets are only a $1,
Everywhere.
The tickets are only a $1,
and maybe somebody out there
The tickets are only a $1,
and maybe somebody out there
will win an all-expense-paid
And maybe somebody out there
will win an all-expense-paid
trip to spend the night with us
Will win an all-expense-paid
trip to spend the night with us
here in washington.
Trip to spend the night with us
here in washington.
Good night.
Here in washington.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, mr. President.
That's a wrap.
Well, that was okay, worked
That's a wrap.
Well, that was okay, worked
out okay.
Well, that was okay, worked
out okay.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Out okay.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Let's do that again sometime.
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Let's do that again sometime.
Hello, amy.
Let's do that again sometime.
Hello, amy.
Hi, daddy.
Hello, amy.
Hi, daddy.
Amy lynn, this is
Hi, daddy.
Amy lynn, this is
mr. Cronkite.
Amy lynn, this is
mr. Cronkite.
Hello, amy.
Mr. Cronkite.
Hello, amy.
Honey, I'm gonna walk
Hello, amy.
Honey, I'm gonna walk
uncle walter out to his car, and
Honey, I'm gonna walk
uncle walter out to his car, and
then I'll come back in.
Uncle walter out to his car, and
then I'll come back in.
We'll have some milk and cookies
Then I'll come back in.
We'll have some milk and cookies
in the kitchen, okay?
We'll have some milk and cookies
in the kitchen, okay?
Mary?
In the kitchen, okay?
Mary?
Yes, mr. President?
Mary, will you mind amy till I
get back?
This is mr. Cronkite.
Get back?
This is mr. Cronkite.
This is amy's nanny, mary.
This is mr. Cronkite.
This is amy's nanny, mary.
Ah, yes, the ex-convict from
This is amy's nanny, mary.
Ah, yes, the ex-convict from
georgia.
Ah, yes, the ex-convict from
georgia.
Hello. Pleased to meet you.
Georgia.
Hello. Pleased to meet you.
Okay, fine.
Hello. Pleased to meet you.
Okay, fine.
I'll be back in a couple of
Okay, fine.
I'll be back in a couple of
minutes.
I'll be back in a couple of
minutes.
Child, your father sure knows
Minutes.
Child, your father sure knows
how to use the media.
Child, your father sure knows
how to use the media.
Come on, let's go back and get
How to use the media.
Come on, let's go back and get
some milk and cookies, all
Come on, let's go back and get
some milk and cookies, all
right?
Some milk and cookies, all
right?
Nanny, is it true you lived
Right?
Nanny, is it true you lived
in the state prison?
Nanny, is it true you lived
in the state prison?
Yes, child, I made some
In the state prison?
Yes, child, I made some
mistakes, I had some bad breaks.
Yes, child, I made some
mistakes, I had some bad breaks.
Nanny, you're nice.
Mistakes, I had some bad breaks.
Nanny, you're nice.
So are you, sweetheart.
Nanny, you're nice.
So are you, sweetheart.
Nanny, can you tell me a
So are you, sweetheart.
Nanny, can you tell me a
bedtime story?
Nanny, can you tell me a
bedtime story?
Why, sure.
Bedtime story?
Why, sure.
Come on, sit on my knee.
Why, sure.
Come on, sit on my knee.
Ahh...
Come on, sit on my knee.
Ahh...
Okay, now, this is the story of
Ahh...
Okay, now, this is the story of
goldilocks and the three bears.
Okay, now, this is the story of
goldilocks and the three bears.
It was the summer of '70.
Goldilocks and the three bears.
It was the summer of '70.
And after just working a long
It was the summer of '70.
And after just working a long
time for the state department of
And after just working a long
time for the state department of
agriculture, goldilocks finally
Time for the state department of
agriculture, goldilocks finally
got her letters from the parole
Agriculture, goldilocks finally
got her letters from the parole
board.
Got her letters from the parole
board.
The parole board?
Board.
The parole board?
Yeah, you see, she just done
The parole board?
Yeah, you see, she just done
the big quince downstate for
Yeah, you see, she just done
the big quince downstate for
wasting some lowlife cat in
The big quince downstate for
wasting some lowlife cat in
gainesville, honey.
Wasting some lowlife cat in
gainesville, honey.
The big quince?
Gainesville, honey.
The big quince?
A quincy, five big ones, you
The big quince?
A quincy, five big ones, you
know, years.
A quincy, five big ones, you
know, years.
Oh, yeah, like you been
Know, years.
Oh, yeah, like you been
locked up?
Oh, yeah, like you been
locked up?
That's right. Yeah.
Locked up?
That's right. Yeah.
So, there she is, out of the
That's right. Yeah.
So, there she is, out of the
joint, right, back on the street
So, there she is, out of the
joint, right, back on the street
with nothing but a state-owned
Joint, right, back on the street
with nothing but a state-owned
pair of jeans.
With nothing but a state-owned
pair of jeans.
So, she takes a bus to tampa.
Pair of jeans.
So, she takes a bus to tampa.
She gets some heat from a
So, she takes a bus to tampa.
She gets some heat from a
friend, right.
She gets some heat from a
friend, right.
She steals a car, and then she
Friend, right.
She steals a car, and then she
pops a supermarket for some free
She steals a car, and then she
pops a supermarket for some free
eagles.
Pops a supermarket for some free
eagles.
She knocked off a store for
Eagles.
She knocked off a store for
some money?
She knocked off a store for
some money?
That's right, honey, yeah.
Some money?
That's right, honey, yeah.
Then, she drives north of town,
That's right, honey, yeah.
Then, she drives north of town,
right, into the dark, wet
Then, she drives north of town,
right, into the dark, wet
everglades.
Right, into the dark, wet
everglades.
Did she have her hip waders
Everglades.
Did she have her hip waders
on?
Did she have her hip waders
on?
Why, yes, she did.
On?
Why, yes, she did.
Are you sure I haven't told you
Why, yes, she did.
Are you sure I haven't told you
this one before, baby?
Are you sure I haven't told you
this one before, baby?
Hmm?
This one before, baby?
Hmm?
Well, anyway, pretty soon, she
Hmm?
Well, anyway, pretty soon, she
comes upon this shack sitting
Well, anyway, pretty soon, she
comes upon this shack sitting
on stilts, right.
Comes upon this shack sitting
on stilts, right.
Now, by now, little goldilocks
On stilts, right.
Now, by now, little goldilocks
is hungrier than a porpoise at
Now, by now, little goldilocks
is hungrier than a porpoise at
marineland, child.
Is hungrier than a porpoise at
marineland, child.
Marineland?
Marineland, child.
Marineland?
Yeah, it's like a fish zoo,
Marineland?
Yeah, it's like a fish zoo,
you know.
Yeah, it's like a fish zoo,
you know.
So, she pulls her piece, removes
You know.
So, she pulls her piece, removes
the lock on the door... Boom,
So, she pulls her piece, removes
the lock on the door... Boom,
boom.
The lock on the door... Boom,
boom.
And then, she goes in, and she
Boom.
And then, she goes in, and she
eats three bowls of hot gator
And then, she goes in, and she
eats three bowls of hot gator
soup.
Eats three bowls of hot gator
soup.
[Chomping]
Soup.
[Chomping]
right, and then she crashes for
[Chomping]
right, and then she crashes for
the night.
Right, and then she crashes for
the night.
When she finishes, she's
The night.
When she finishes, she's
looking...
When she finishes, she's
looking...
Rather, when she wakes up, she's
Looking...
Rather, when she wakes up, she's
looking right down there,
Rather, when she wakes up, she's
looking right down there,
straight into the twin barrels
Looking right down there,
straight into the twin barrels
of a 16-gauge shotgun, honey.
Straight into the twin barrels
of a 16-gauge shotgun, honey.
You see, what she done was she
Of a 16-gauge shotgun, honey.
You see, what she done was she
broke into the home of the
You see, what she done was she
broke into the home of the
three bears... Mama bear,
Broke into the home of the
three bears... Mama bear,
cleofus bear, and winston bear,
Three bears... Mama bear,
cleofus bear, and winston bear,
you know?
Cleofus bear, and winston bear,
you know?
But luckily, she had been in the
You know?
But luckily, she had been in the
joint with winston's old lady,
But luckily, she had been in the
joint with winston's old lady,
and cleofus got her a job as an
Joint with winston's old lady,
and cleofus got her a job as an
ambulance dispatcher in miami,
And cleofus got her a job as an
ambulance dispatcher in miami,
baby.
Ambulance dispatcher in miami,
baby.
[Imitating mary] don't you
Baby.
[Imitating mary] don't you
tell me none of that bullwash
[Imitating mary] don't you
tell me none of that bullwash
fairy-tale jive, honey.
Tell me none of that bullwash
fairy-tale jive, honey.
I know the goldilocks story
Fairy-tale jive, honey.
I know the goldilocks story
don't go no place like florida.
I know the goldilocks story
don't go no place like florida.
I know it go down some place
Don't go no place like florida.
I know it go down some place
like bavaria or germany or some
I know it go down some place
like bavaria or germany or some
place like that.
Like bavaria or germany or some
place like that.
No, honey, you thinkin' about
Place like that.
No, honey, you thinkin' about
"hansel & gretel."
No, honey, you thinkin' about
"hansel & gretel."
[Normal voice] oh, yeah, I
"Hansel & gretel."
[Normal voice] oh, yeah, I
forgot.
[Normal voice] oh, yeah, I
forgot.
Yeah.
Forgot.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
For a child your age, you're
I don't know.
For a child your age, you're
getting mighty streetwise.
For a child your age, you're
getting mighty streetwise.
Come on, let's go get some
Getting mighty streetwise.
Come on, let's go get some
cookies and milk.
Come on, let's go get some
cookies and milk.
Okay.
Good evening and welcome to
"how your children grow."
I'm jane curtin, and my guest
"How your children grow."
I'm jane curtin, and my guest
tonight is one of america's
I'm jane curtin, and my guest
tonight is one of america's
foremost authorities on learning
Tonight is one of america's
foremost authorities on learning
disabilities, dr. Alan ross.
Foremost authorities on learning
disabilities, dr. Alan ross.
For those of you who are not
Disabilities, dr. Alan ross.
For those of you who are not
familiar with dr. Ross' work, he
For those of you who are not
familiar with dr. Ross' work, he
has just been awarded a
Familiar with dr. Ross' work, he
has just been awarded a
$7 million grant, with which he
Has just been awarded a
$7 million grant, with which he
will open the ross foundation in
$7 Million grant, with which he
will open the ross foundation in
rochester, minnesota.
Will open the ross foundation in
rochester, minnesota.
Isn't that true, doctor?
Rochester, minnesota.
Isn't that true, doctor?
That's true.
Isn't that true, doctor?
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
In doing my own research on
You're absolutely right.
In doing my own research on
what you do, sir, I learned that
In doing my own research on
what you do, sir, I learned that
many people who work with
What you do, sir, I learned that
many people who work with
children possessing learning
Many people who work with
children possessing learning
difficulties at one time had
Children possessing learning
difficulties at one time had
such a condition.
Difficulties at one time had
such a condition.
That's true.
Such a condition.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
I guess that would make one
You're absolutely right.
I guess that would make one
more empathetic to the plights
I guess that would make one
more empathetic to the plights
of such a child.
More empathetic to the plights
of such a child.
That's true.
Of such a child.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
And I imagine that it doesn't
You're absolutely right.
And I imagine that it doesn't
matter how big you are in your
And I imagine that it doesn't
matter how big you are in your
field, no one's immune, as I
Matter how big you are in your
field, no one's immune, as I
discovered that you yourself,
Field, no one's immune, as I
discovered that you yourself,
dr. Ross, had, as a child, a
Discovered that you yourself,
dr. Ross, had, as a child, a
severe learning disability.
Dr. Ross, had, as a child, a
severe learning disability.
That's true.
Severe learning disability.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
And I guess we can speak
You're absolutely right.
And I guess we can speak
about it.
And I guess we can speak
about it.
It certainly is nothing to be
About it.
It certainly is nothing to be
ashamed of.
It certainly is nothing to be
ashamed of.
Your problem was called
Ashamed of.
Your problem was called
quintlexia.
Your problem was called
quintlexia.
That's true.
Quintlexia.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
For those of you who are not
You're absolutely right.
For those of you who are not
familiar with the term
For those of you who are not
familiar with the term
"quintlexia," it comes from
Familiar with the term
"quintlexia," it comes from
the prefix "quint," meaning
"Quintlexia," it comes from
the prefix "quint," meaning
"five," and "lexia" from the
The prefix "quint," meaning
"five," and "lexia" from the
greek root "lexus," which means
"Five," and "lexia" from the
greek root "lexus," which means
"words."
Greek root "lexus," which means
"words."
Therefore, anyone who is
"Words."
Therefore, anyone who is
afflicted with quintlexia has
Therefore, anyone who is
afflicted with quintlexia has
the ability to speak only five
Afflicted with quintlexia has
the ability to speak only five
words.
The ability to speak only five
words.
Did I describe it correctly?
Words.
Did I describe it correctly?
That's true.
Did I describe it correctly?
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Now, as I understand it,
You're absolutely right.
Now, as I understand it,
then, as a child, you only knew
Now, as I understand it,
then, as a child, you only knew
five words.
Then, as a child, you only knew
five words.
That's true.
Five words.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Which words were they?
You're absolutely right.
Which words were they?
That's, true, you're,
Which words were they?
That's, true, you're,
absolutely, right.
That's, true, you're,
absolutely, right.
I get the impression that you
Absolutely, right.
I get the impression that you
still have this condition.
I get the impression that you
still have this condition.
That's true.
Still have this condition.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Now, let me get this
You're absolutely right.
Now, let me get this
straight.
Now, let me get this
straight.
You went to harvard
Straight.
You went to harvard
undergraduate, got your phd
You went to harvard
undergraduate, got your phd
from dartmouth, you've been
Undergraduate, got your phd
from dartmouth, you've been
given a $7 million grant to
From dartmouth, you've been
given a $7 million grant to
build a foundation, and have
Given a $7 million grant to
build a foundation, and have
been teaching children for close
Build a foundation, and have
been teaching children for close
to 11 years.
Been teaching children for close
to 11 years.
And your entire vocabulary
To 11 years.
And your entire vocabulary
consists of five words.
And your entire vocabulary
consists of five words.
[Chuckling] that's true.
Consists of five words.
[Chuckling] that's true.
You're absolutely right.
[Chuckling] that's true.
You're absolutely right.
It is truly amazing that you
You're absolutely right.
It is truly amazing that you
have overcome such a handicap
It is truly amazing that you
have overcome such a handicap
and have accomplished so much.
Have overcome such a handicap
and have accomplished so much.
That's true.
And have accomplished so much.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
I guess it just goes to show
You're absolutely right.
I guess it just goes to show
what a land of opportunity
I guess it just goes to show
what a land of opportunity
america really is.
What a land of opportunity
america really is.
That's true.
America really is.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
You sleep in a wedding gown,
You're absolutely right.
You sleep in a wedding gown,
don't you?
You sleep in a wedding gown,
don't you?
That's true.
Don't you?
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Is it true that you're
You're absolutely right.
Is it true that you're
wearing underwear marked
Is it true that you're
wearing underwear marked
"january"?
Wearing underwear marked
"january"?
That's true.
"January"?
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Well, we could go on like
You're absolutely right.
Well, we could go on like
this all night.
Well, we could go on like
this all night.
That's true.
This all night.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Oh, shut the hell up!
You're absolutely right.
Oh, shut the hell up!
Thank you for joining us, and
Oh, shut the hell up!
Thank you for joining us, and
I urge all of you concerned
Thank you for joining us, and
I urge all of you concerned
parents to read dr. Ross' new
I urge all of you concerned
parents to read dr. Ross' new
book...
Parents to read dr. Ross' new
book...
"That's true... You're
Book...
"That's true... You're
absolutely right."
"That's true... You're
absolutely right."
It's fascinating reading.
Absolutely right."
It's fascinating reading.
That's true.
It's fascinating reading.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
That's true.
You're absolutely right.
Good night.
Hi, I'm john belushi.
I guess you've seen me on the
show here.
I guess you've seen me on the
show here.
I'm one of the actors.
Show here.
I'm one of the actors.
This is my office.
I'm one of the actors.
This is my office.
Well, nbc has allowed me this
This is my office.
Well, nbc has allowed me this
time to make a very personal
Well, nbc has allowed me this
time to make a very personal
announcement.
Time to make a very personal
announcement.
Ladies and gentlemen, fans,
Announcement.
Ladies and gentlemen, fans,
friends, I'm announcing at this
Ladies and gentlemen, fans,
friends, I'm announcing at this
time that I am retiring from
Friends, I'm announcing at this
time that I am retiring from
show business.
Time that I am retiring from
show business.
Now, this was not a sudden
Show business.
Now, this was not a sudden
decision on my part.
Now, this was not a sudden
decision on my part.
I feel that there are others who
Decision on my part.
I feel that there are others who
can make you laugh.
I feel that there are others who
can make you laugh.
I know that because I used to be
Can make you laugh.
I know that because I used to be
one of them.
I know that because I used to be
one of them.
I'm quitting the business
One of them.
I'm quitting the business
because I feel my contribution
I'm quitting the business
because I feel my contribution
is not acting.
Because I feel my contribution
is not acting.
My contribution to mankind is
Is not acting.
My contribution to mankind is
not to be an actor.
My contribution to mankind is
not to be an actor.
My true destiny is to win the
Not to be an actor.
My true destiny is to win the
olympic gold medal in the
My true destiny is to win the
olympic gold medal in the
decathlon at the moscow games in
Olympic gold medal in the
decathlon at the moscow games in
1980.
Decathlon at the moscow games in
1980.
The decathlon... 10 Grueling
1980.
The decathlon... 10 Grueling
events... From the 100 meters
The decathlon... 10 Grueling
events... From the 100 meters
to the 1,500-meter run... The
Events... From the 100 meters
to the 1,500-meter run... The
ultimate test.
To the 1,500-meter run... The
ultimate test.
And the winner can truly be
Ultimate test.
And the winner can truly be
called the world's greatest
And the winner can truly be
called the world's greatest
athlete.
Called the world's greatest
athlete.
That is my destiny.
Athlete.
That is my destiny.
Of course, I'll have to quit the
That is my destiny.
Of course, I'll have to quit the
show and devote all of my time
Of course, I'll have to quit the
show and devote all of my time
to training.
Show and devote all of my time
to training.
Unfortunately, I haven't saved
To training.
Unfortunately, I haven't saved
any money from this show to live
Unfortunately, I haven't saved
any money from this show to live
on until then.
Any money from this show to live
on until then.
That's why I'm selling these...
On until then.
That's why I'm selling these...
Olympic gold coins, with the
That's why I'm selling these...
Olympic gold coins, with the
mask of comedy and tragedy on
Olympic gold coins, with the
mask of comedy and tragedy on
one side and the likeness of
Mask of comedy and tragedy on
one side and the likeness of
myself clearing the height of
One side and the likeness of
myself clearing the height of
8'2" in the high jump on the
Myself clearing the height of
8'2" in the high jump on the
other.
8'2" In the high jump on the
other.
[Olympics theme plays]
Other.
[Olympics theme plays]
now, we all know that the
[Olympics theme plays]
now, we all know that the
russian athletes are supported
Now, we all know that the
russian athletes are supported
by communist money.
Russian athletes are supported
by communist money.
Olympians like myself are
By communist money.
Olympians like myself are
supported solely by
Olympians like myself are
supported solely by
free-enterprise money, your
Supported solely by
free-enterprise money, your
money.
Free-enterprise money, your
money.
Think of it as an investment, or
Money.
Think of it as an investment, or
a rip-off, I don't care.
Think of it as an investment, or
a rip-off, I don't care.
Because for once in my life, I'm
A rip-off, I don't care.
Because for once in my life, I'm
not going for the laugh.
Because for once in my life, I'm
not going for the laugh.
I'm going for the gold.
Not going for the laugh.
I'm going for the gold.
Announcer: send $5 to...
I'm going for the gold.
Announcer: send $5 to...
See you in moscow in 1980.
Announcer: send $5 to...
See you in moscow in 1980.
Be there.
See you in moscow in 1980.
Be there.
Two.
Announcer: and now
"weekend update" with
jane curtin.
"Weekend update" with
jane curtin.
Before I begin, let me just
Jane curtin.
Before I begin, let me just
say that many of you have
Before I begin, let me just
say that many of you have
written in, asking if that noise
Say that many of you have
written in, asking if that noise
you hear is a real teletype
Written in, asking if that noise
you hear is a real teletype
machine or just a sound effect.
You hear is a real teletype
machine or just a sound effect.
Thank you for asking.
Machine or just a sound effect.
Thank you for asking.
We appreciate your concern.
Thank you for asking.
We appreciate your concern.
Our top story tonight...
We appreciate your concern.
Our top story tonight...
Hustler magazine publisher
Our top story tonight...
Hustler magazine publisher
larry flynt, out of jail pending
Hustler magazine publisher
larry flynt, out of jail pending
his obscenity charge, this week
Larry flynt, out of jail pending
his obscenity charge, this week
hired the new york yankees for a
His obscenity charge, this week
hired the new york yankees for a
centerfold spread in his
Hired the new york yankees for a
centerfold spread in his
magazine.
Centerfold spread in his
magazine.
Members of the ball club shown
Magazine.
Members of the ball club shown
rehearsing for the upcoming
Members of the ball club shown
rehearsing for the upcoming
photo session say it's the
Rehearsing for the upcoming
photo session say it's the
biggest thing to hit baseball
Photo session say it's the
biggest thing to hit baseball
since the su1c1de squeeze
Biggest thing to hit baseball
since the su1c1de squeeze
demonstrated here.
Since the su1c1de squeeze
demonstrated here.
In a sudden policy shift, "the
Demonstrated here.
In a sudden policy shift, "the
tonight show starring
In a sudden policy shift, "the
tonight show starring
johnny carson" will not be
Tonight show starring
johnny carson" will not be
broadcast live starting next
Johnny carson" will not be
broadcast live starting next
week, as previously announced.
Broadcast live starting next
week, as previously announced.
The decision was based on
Week, as previously announced.
The decision was based on
california's new euthanasia law,
The decision was based on
california's new euthanasia law,
which states that a program does
California's new euthanasia law,
which states that a program does
not have to be kept alive by
Which states that a program does
not have to be kept alive by
artificial means and has the
Not have to be kept alive by
artificial means and has the
right to a dignified death.
Artificial means and has the
right to a dignified death.
In a surprise announcement this
Right to a dignified death.
In a surprise announcement this
week, lillian carter said she
In a surprise announcement this
week, lillian carter said she
will marry heavyweight wrestler
Week, lillian carter said she
will marry heavyweight wrestler
gorilla kowalski.
Will marry heavyweight wrestler
gorilla kowalski.
The 78-year-old presidential
Gorilla kowalski.
The 78-year-old presidential
mother said she and kowalski met
The 78-year-old presidential
mother said she and kowalski met
when she visited his training
Mother said she and kowalski met
when she visited his training
camp in georgia, where they
When she visited his training
camp in georgia, where they
wrestled for photographers.
Camp in georgia, where they
wrestled for photographers.
Said miss lillian, "I beat him
Wrestled for photographers.
Said miss lillian, "I beat him
two out of three falls, and he
Said miss lillian, "I beat him
two out of three falls, and he
proposed on the spot."
Two out of three falls, and he
proposed on the spot."
Kowalski, who was previously
Proposed on the spot."
Kowalski, who was previously
married to eleanor roosevelt,
Kowalski, who was previously
married to eleanor roosevelt,
bess truman, mamie eisenhower,
Married to eleanor roosevelt,
bess truman, mamie eisenhower,
and rose kennedy said, "I just
Bess truman, mamie eisenhower,
and rose kennedy said, "I just
can't stay away from very old
And rose kennedy said, "I just
can't stay away from very old
ladies who are related to
Can't stay away from very old
ladies who are related to
presidents."
Ladies who are related to
presidents."
"Weekend update" wishes the
Presidents."
"Weekend update" wishes the
couple all the best.
"Weekend update" wishes the
couple all the best.
French officials, still
Couple all the best.
French officials, still
concerned over recent airplane
French officials, still
concerned over recent airplane
hijackings, stepped up their
Concerned over recent airplane
hijackings, stepped up their
airport-surveillance procedures
Hijackings, stepped up their
airport-surveillance procedures
this week and converted
Airport-surveillance procedures
this week and converted
the arc de triomphe into a very
This week and converted
the arc de triomphe into a very
large metal detector.
The arc de triomphe into a very
large metal detector.
Passengers are shown here being
Large metal detector.
Passengers are shown here being
screened for a concorde flight
Passengers are shown here being
screened for a concorde flight
to rio de janeiro.
Screened for a concorde flight
to rio de janeiro.
[Alarm sounding]
To rio de janeiro.
[Alarm sounding]
[laughter]
[Alarm sounding]
[laughter]
the food and drug administration
[Laughter]
the food and drug administration
released a report this week that
The food and drug administration
released a report this week that
says that three out of four
Released a report this week that
says that three out of four
dentists recommend sugarcoated
Says that three out of four
dentists recommend sugarcoated
gum for their patients who fear
Dentists recommend sugarcoated
gum for their patients who fear
cancer.
Gum for their patients who fear
cancer.
And in a related story, the food
Cancer.
And in a related story, the food
and drug administration has
And in a related story, the food
and drug administration has
announced that in addition to
And drug administration has
announced that in addition to
saccharine, it is also placing a
Announced that in addition to
saccharine, it is also placing a
ban on florence henderson and
Saccharine, it is also placing a
ban on florence henderson and
david hartman, effective in
Ban on florence henderson and
david hartman, effective in
july.
David hartman, effective in
july.
And now with a special remote,
July.
And now with a special remote,
we take you live to
And now with a special remote,
we take you live to
correspondent laraine newman.
Jane, I'm standing here with
Muhammad ali, the heavyweight
Champ of the world.
Recently, he saw the movie
"Rocky," and the champ has some
Words about it.
Yeah, I am the champ of the
world.
To all, this is known.
World.
To all, this is known.
Now, let's talk about this
To all, this is known.
Now, let's talk about this
turkey sylvester stallone.
Now, let's talk about this
turkey sylvester stallone.
To go make a movie and call a
Turkey sylvester stallone.
To go make a movie and call a
champ "rocky"... Some call it
To go make a movie and call a
champ "rocky"... Some call it
genius, but I calls it cocky.
Champ "rocky"... Some call it
genius, but I calls it cocky.
So, I decided to mount a
Genius, but I calls it cocky.
So, I decided to mount a
counterattack.
So, I decided to mount a
counterattack.
I'm gonna write, produce,
Counterattack.
I'm gonna write, produce,
direct, and act in "on the
I'm gonna write, produce,
direct, and act in "on the
waterfront," but I'll remake it
Direct, and act in "on the
waterfront," but I'll remake it
in black, so even marlon brando
Waterfront," but I'll remake it
in black, so even marlon brando
better step back as I portray
In black, so even marlon brando
better step back as I portray
the young irish boy known to the
Better step back as I portray
the young irish boy known to the
world as terry malloy.
The young irish boy known to the
world as terry malloy.
Well, then, muhammad, I guess
World as terry malloy.
Well, then, muhammad, I guess
you might say that a black,
Well, then, muhammad, I guess
you might say that a black,
irish muslim is what you'll
You might say that a black,
irish muslim is what you'll
portray.
Irish muslim is what you'll
portray.
And as you're the champ at all
Portray.
And as you're the champ at all
you do, I know you'll be champ
And as you're the champ at all
you do, I know you'll be champ
at acting, too.
You do, I know you'll be champ
at acting, too.
Yeah, I've been training real
At acting, too.
Yeah, I've been training real
hard.
Yeah, I've been training real
hard.
And when my training is through,
Hard.
And when my training is through,
I tell you exactly what I'm
And when my training is through,
I tell you exactly what I'm
gonna do.
I tell you exactly what I'm
gonna do.
I'm gonna whop fred williamson.
Gonna do.
I'm gonna whop fred williamson.
Then I'm gonna whop
I'm gonna whop fred williamson.
Then I'm gonna whop
o.j. Simpson.
Then I'm gonna whop
o.j. Simpson.
Levar burton, he just came
O.j. Simpson.
Levar burton, he just came
out, gonna watch him, see what
Levar burton, he just came
out, gonna watch him, see what
he's about.
Out, gonna watch him, see what
he's about.
Then I'm gonna whop him, too,
He's about.
Then I'm gonna whop him, too,
before I'm through.
Then I'm gonna whop him, too,
before I'm through.
Yeah, but right now, I'm
Before I'm through.
Yeah, but right now, I'm
casting this movie because it's
Yeah, but right now, I'm
casting this movie because it's
close to my heart, and I need a
Casting this movie because it's
close to my heart, and I need a
woman to play a special part.
Close to my heart, and I need a
woman to play a special part.
She is gonna play the
Woman to play a special part.
She is gonna play the
girlfriend, so she's got to be
She is gonna play the
girlfriend, so she's got to be
right, 'cause as you remember,
Girlfriend, so she's got to be
right, 'cause as you remember,
the girlfriend was white.
Right, 'cause as you remember,
the girlfriend was white.
Well, I've always wondered
The girlfriend was white.
Well, I've always wondered
how it would be to be stung by
Well, I've always wondered
how it would be to be stung by
a butterfly who floats like a
How it would be to be stung by
a butterfly who floats like a
bee.
A butterfly who floats like a
bee.
This is laraine newman
Bee.
This is laraine newman
signing off.
This is laraine newman
signing off.
Back to you, jane.
Signing off.
Back to you, jane.
A correction to a story
Back to you, jane.
A correction to a story
recently reported on
A correction to a story
recently reported on
"weekend update"...
Recently reported on
"weekend update"...
Last week, we inadvertently
"Weekend update"...
Last week, we inadvertently
reported that the muslim prophet
Last week, we inadvertently
reported that the muslim prophet
muhammad is a brand of chocolate
Reported that the muslim prophet
muhammad is a brand of chocolate
pudding.
Muhammad is a brand of chocolate
pudding.
Well, we stand corrected.
Pudding.
Well, we stand corrected.
What we meant to say was that
Well, we stand corrected.
What we meant to say was that
the sound waves from the
What we meant to say was that
the sound waves from the
concorde sst cause children's
The sound waves from the
concorde sst cause children's
sex glands to mature at the age
Concorde sst cause children's
sex glands to mature at the age
of 3.
Sex glands to mature at the age
of 3.
Margaret trudeau, wife of
Of 3.
Margaret trudeau, wife of
canadian prime minister
Margaret trudeau, wife of
canadian prime minister
pierre elliott trudeau, this
Canadian prime minister
pierre elliott trudeau, this
week denied that she was having
Pierre elliott trudeau, this
week denied that she was having
an affair with mick jagger of
Week denied that she was having
an affair with mick jagger of
the rolling stones.
An affair with mick jagger of
the rolling stones.
Jagger also denied the rumor,
The rolling stones.
Jagger also denied the rumor,
reportedly saying he hasn't
Jagger also denied the rumor,
reportedly saying he hasn't
fooled around with a canadian
Reportedly saying he hasn't
fooled around with a canadian
since he played with
Fooled around with a canadian
since he played with
guy lombardo's horn some 15
Since he played with
guy lombardo's horn some 15
years ago.
Guy lombardo's horn some 15
years ago.
And now with tonight's
Years ago.
And now with tonight's
commentary is "update"
And now with tonight's
commentary is "update"
correspondent emily litella.
Commentary is "update"
correspondent emily litella.
Why, thank you, jane.
Correspondent emily litella.
Why, thank you, jane.
I can't wait to hear this
Why, thank you, jane.
I can't wait to hear this
gem.
I can't wait to hear this
gem.
What's all this fuss I keep
Gem.
What's all this fuss I keep
hearing about endangered feces?
[Laughter]
Now, that's outrageous.
Why are feces endangered?
How could you possibly run out
Of such a thing?
Why, just look around you.
You can see it all over the
place.
You can see it all over the
place.
And besides, who wants to save
Place.
And besides, who wants to save
that, anyway?
And besides, who wants to save
that, anyway?
My goodness, where would we keep
That, anyway?
My goodness, where would we keep
it?
My goodness, where would we keep
it?
It's dangerous, especially in
It?
It's dangerous, especially in
the summer.
It's dangerous, especially in
the summer.
Then it could really hit the
The summer.
Then it could really hit the
fan.
Then it could really hit the
fan.
[Laughing]
What's so funny?
Oh, my joke.
Oh, come on, miss curtin, didn't
Oh, my joke.
Oh, come on, miss curtin, didn't
you ever hear that one about
Oh, come on, miss curtin, didn't
you ever hear that one about
hitting the fan?
You ever hear that one about
hitting the fan?
Oh, come on, you old shiksa.
Hitting the fan?
Oh, come on, you old shiksa.
[Laughter]
Oh, come on, you old shiksa.
[Laughter]
where have you been?
[Laughter]
where have you been?
"Species."
Where have you been?
"Species."
What's that?
"Species."
What's that?
Species.
What's that?
Species.
The list of endangered species.
Species.
The list of endangered species.
Not feces.
The list of endangered species.
Not feces.
Species.
Not feces.
Species.
Ohh.
Species.
Ohh.
Oh, I must have gotten carried
Ohh.
Oh, I must have gotten carried
away.
Oh, I must have gotten carried
away.
Never mind.
Away.
Never mind.
[Applause]
Never mind.
[Applause]
it's wearing thin, emily.
[Applause]
it's wearing thin, emily.
What is?
It's wearing thin, emily.
What is?
The "never mind" thing.
What is?
The "never mind" thing.
You've been doing it for close
The "never mind" thing.
You've been doing it for close
to two years.
You've been doing it for close
to two years.
At first, it was cute, then it
To two years.
At first, it was cute, then it
was tolerable.
At first, it was cute, then it
was tolerable.
Now it's annoying.
Was tolerable.
Now it's annoying.
Well, I'm sorry that you feel
Now it's annoying.
Well, I'm sorry that you feel
that way.
Well, I'm sorry that you feel
that way.
You're ruining "update's"
That way.
You're ruining "update's"
credibility as a responsible
You're ruining "update's"
credibility as a responsible
journalist.
Credibility as a responsible
journalist.
Oh, my goodness, miss curtin,
Journalist.
Oh, my goodness, miss curtin,
I wouldn't want to do anything
Oh, my goodness, miss curtin,
I wouldn't want to do anything
like that.
I wouldn't want to do anything
like that.
I'm sure you wouldn't.
Like that.
I'm sure you wouldn't.
So, why don't you just quit
I'm sure you wouldn't.
So, why don't you just quit
"update" and try your hand at
So, why don't you just quit
"update" and try your hand at
something else?
"Update" and try your hand at
something else?
We can get along fine without
Something else?
We can get along fine without
you.
We can get along fine without
you.
Perhaps you could...
You.
Perhaps you could...
Bitch.
Perhaps you could...
Bitch.
[Laughter]
Bitch.
[Laughter]
that's our news for tonight.
[Laughter]
that's our news for tonight.
Good night and have a pleasant
That's our news for tonight.
Good night and have a pleasant
tomorrow.
And now I'd like to introduce
richard baskin, singing a song
he wrote from the movie
Richard baskin, singing a song
he wrote from the movie
"nashville."
He wrote from the movie
"nashville."
It's called "one, I love you."
"Nashville."
It's called "one, I love you."
[Applause]
It's called "one, I love you."
[Applause]
♪ when I feel my life
[Applause]
♪ when I feel my life
perishing ♪
♪ When I feel my life
perishing ♪
♪ I call you on the phone ♪
Perishing ♪
♪ I call you on the phone ♪
♪ you always fix me up when I
♪ I call you on the phone ♪
♪ you always fix me up when I
get broken ♪
♪ You always fix me up when I
get broken ♪
♪ 'cause every time that I got
Get broken ♪
♪ 'cause every time that I got
hurt and went out of control ♪
♪ 'Cause every time that I got
hurt and went out of control ♪
♪ you knew the fears I felt
Hurt and went out of control ♪
♪ you knew the fears I felt
before I spoke them ♪
♪ You knew the fears I felt
before I spoke them ♪
♪ you tell me one, I love you ♪
Before I spoke them ♪
♪ you tell me one, I love you ♪
♪ and two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ You tell me one, I love you ♪
♪ and two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ And two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ four, I miss you ♪
♪ Three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ four, I miss you ♪
♪ five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ Four, I miss you ♪
♪ five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ six, I won't leave you no
♪ Five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ six, I won't leave you no
more ♪
♪ Six, I won't leave you no
more ♪
♪ I feel my time here
More ♪
♪ I feel my time here
vanishing ♪
♪ I feel my time here
vanishing ♪
♪ like waves upon the sand ♪
Vanishing ♪
♪ like waves upon the sand ♪
♪ with nothin' to replace it but
♪ Like waves upon the sand ♪
♪ with nothin' to replace it but
invention ♪
♪ With nothin' to replace it but
invention ♪
♪ so, I make my rhymes, and I
Invention ♪
♪ so, I make my rhymes, and I
sing my tunes ♪
♪ So, I make my rhymes, and I
sing my tunes ♪
♪ still, they don't understand ♪
Sing my tunes ♪
♪ still, they don't understand ♪
♪ to make 'em dance was never my
♪ Still, they don't understand ♪
♪ to make 'em dance was never my
intention ♪
♪ To make 'em dance was never my
intention ♪
♪ and, darlin', one, I love
Intention ♪
♪ and, darlin', one, I love
you ♪
♪ And, darlin', one, I love
you ♪
♪ two, I'm thinking of you ♪
You ♪
♪ two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ Two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ four, I miss you ♪
♪ Three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ four, I miss you ♪
♪ five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ Four, I miss you ♪
♪ five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ six, I won't leave you no
♪ Five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ six, I won't leave you no
more ♪
♪ Six, I won't leave you no
more ♪
♪ and, darlin' ♪
More ♪
♪ and, darlin' ♪
♪ one, I love you ♪
♪ And, darlin' ♪
♪ one, I love you ♪
♪ two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ One, I love you ♪
♪ two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ Two, I'm thinking of you ♪
♪ three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ and four, I miss you ♪
♪ Three, I'll never let you go ♪
♪ and four, I miss you ♪
♪ five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ And four, I miss you ♪
♪ five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ six, I won't leave you no
♪ Five, I want to kiss you ♪
♪ six, I won't leave you no
more ♪
♪ Six, I won't leave you no
more ♪
♪ and, darlin', six, I won't
More ♪
♪ and, darlin', six, I won't
leave you no more ♪
♪ And, darlin', six, I won't
leave you no more ♪
♪ darlin', six, I won't leave
Leave you no more ♪
♪ darlin', six, I won't leave
you no more ♪
♪ Darlin', six, I won't leave
you no more ♪
[applause]
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, I'd like to introduce
two very funny men, the comedy
Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce
two very funny men, the comedy
team of franken and davis.
Two very funny men, the comedy
team of franken and davis.
[Applause]
Team of franken and davis.
[Applause]
thank you very much.
[Applause]
thank you very much.
Thank you, sissy.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, sissy.
I understand you're going to
Thank you, sissy.
I understand you're going to
improvise something for us
I understand you're going to
improvise something for us
tonight.
Improvise something for us
tonight.
Well, that's right, sissy.
Tonight.
Well, that's right, sissy.
We're going to take two
Well, that's right, sissy.
We're going to take two
suggestions from you, the
We're going to take two
suggestions from you, the
audience.
Suggestions from you, the
audience.
We're going to confer, or
Audience.
We're going to confer, or
huddle, for about 10 seconds,
We're going to confer, or
huddle, for about 10 seconds,
and then we're gonna perform a
Huddle, for about 10 seconds,
and then we're gonna perform a
scene based on those suggestions
And then we're gonna perform a
scene based on those suggestions
right off the top of our...
Scene based on those suggestions
right off the top of our...
Right off the top of our...
Right off the top of our...
Right off the top of our...
Heads.
Right off the top of our...
Heads.
It sounds really exciting.
Heads.
It sounds really exciting.
Take it away.
It sounds really exciting.
Take it away.
Thank you very much, sissy.
Take it away.
Thank you very much, sissy.
Okay, everyone, we need the
Thank you very much, sissy.
Okay, everyone, we need the
name of a place where people
Okay, everyone, we need the
name of a place where people
meet.
Name of a place where people
meet.
Pittsburgh!
Meet.
Pittsburgh!
[Audience shouting
Pittsburgh!
[Audience shouting
suggestions]
[Audience shouting
suggestions]
all right, uh...
[Suggestions]
all right, uh...
A doctor's office.
All right, uh...
A doctor's office.
I heard that.
A doctor's office.
I heard that.
And now we need a profession.
I heard that.
And now we need a profession.
[Audience shouting
And now we need a profession.
[Audience shouting
suggestions]
[Audience shouting
suggestions]
I heard meteorologist.
[Suggestions]
I heard meteorologist.
I heard meteorologist over here.
I heard meteorologist.
I heard meteorologist over here.
Okay, we got a meteorologist.
I heard meteorologist over here.
Okay, we got a meteorologist.
We've got a doctor's office.
Okay, we got a meteorologist.
We've got a doctor's office.
We'll see you in 10 seconds.
We've got a doctor's office.
We'll see you in 10 seconds.
Okay, look, look.
We'll see you in 10 seconds.
Okay, look, look.
Let's do the gynecologist
Okay, look, look.
Let's do the gynecologist
piece.
Let's do the gynecologist
piece.
No, we need a girl to do
Piece.
No, we need a girl to do
that.
No, we need a girl to do
that.
Oh, that's right.
That.
Oh, that's right.
Okay, okay.
Oh, that's right.
Okay, okay.
Maybe do the piece...
Okay, okay.
Maybe do the piece...
No, no, they might be
Maybe do the piece...
No, no, they might be
watching.
No, no, they might be
watching.
Okay.
Watching.
Okay.
Uh, we're sorry, ladies and
Okay.
Uh, we're sorry, ladies and
gentlemen, but we couldn't think
Uh, we're sorry, ladies and
gentlemen, but we couldn't think
of anything.
Gentlemen, but we couldn't think
of anything.
Maybe if you just... Some more
Of anything.
Maybe if you just... Some more
suggestions, just anything.
Maybe if you just... Some more
suggestions, just anything.
World w*r iii!
Suggestions, just anything.
World w*r iii!
World w*r iii.
World w*r iii!
World w*r iii.
World w*r iii.
World w*r iii.
World w*r iii.
Okay, how about a newscast on
World w*r iii.
Okay, how about a newscast on
the night of the day of
Okay, how about a newscast on
the night of the day of
world w*r iii?
The night of the day of
world w*r iii?
Yeah, we'll improvise it.
World w*r iii?
Yeah, we'll improvise it.
Good call.
Yeah, we'll improvise it.
Good call.
Okay.
Good call.
Okay.
Tragedy, death, catastrophe
Okay.
Tragedy, death, catastrophe
highlight tonight's news after
Tragedy, death, catastrophe
highlight tonight's news after
this message.
Highlight tonight's news after
this message.
Tonight's news is brought to
This message.
Tonight's news is brought to
you by the makers of jim crow
Tonight's news is brought to
you by the makers of jim crow
rice... Remember, every grain is
You by the makers of jim crow
rice... Remember, every grain is
separate but equal and, mmm, so
Rice... Remember, every grain is
separate but equal and, mmm, so
good.
Separate but equal and, mmm, so
good.
Good evening, this is
Good.
Good evening, this is
ronald brooks substituting for
Good evening, this is
ronald brooks substituting for
the deceased ray thompson.
Ronald brooks substituting for
the deceased ray thompson.
Yes, today, it happened...
The deceased ray thompson.
Yes, today, it happened...
World w*r iii.
Yes, today, it happened...
World w*r iii.
According to white house
World w*r iii.
According to white house
sources, the w*r was initiated
According to white house
sources, the w*r was initiated
by mistake.
Sources, the w*r was initiated
by mistake.
President carter said, "gee, I'm
By mistake.
President carter said, "gee, I'm
sorry.
President carter said, "gee, I'm
sorry.
I'm awfully sorry."
Sorry.
I'm awfully sorry."
And with 80% of the bombs in,
I'm awfully sorry."
And with 80% of the bombs in,
womv computer analysis shows
And with 80% of the bombs in,
womv computer analysis shows
that the united states has won
Womv computer analysis shows
that the united states has won
the w*r.
That the united states has won
the w*r.
Yes, according to our computers,
The w*r.
Yes, according to our computers,
only 85 million americans will
Yes, according to our computers,
only 85 million americans will
have died, as compared to over
Only 85 million americans will
have died, as compared to over
155 million russians and a
Have died, as compared to over
155 million russians and a
whopping 575 million chinese.
155 Million russians and a
whopping 575 million chinese.
And now, with the weather, our
Whopping 575 million chinese.
And now, with the weather, our
own bill corry.
And now, with the weather, our
own bill corry.
Bill?
Own bill corry.
Bill?
Well, hi.
Bill?
Well, hi.
Temperatures up to 8,000
Well, hi.
Temperatures up to 8,000
degrees in new york tonight.
Temperatures up to 8,000
degrees in new york tonight.
Cooling off tomorrow to an
Degrees in new york tonight.
Cooling off tomorrow to an
uninhabitable 450 degrees, so if
Cooling off tomorrow to an
uninhabitable 450 degrees, so if
you're still planning a weekend
Uninhabitable 450 degrees, so if
you're still planning a weekend
outing, you better wear an
You're still planning a weekend
outing, you better wear an
asbestos suit.
Outing, you better wear an
asbestos suit.
Well, the polar ice caps have
Asbestos suit.
Well, the polar ice caps have
melted, and both the east and
Well, the polar ice caps have
melted, and both the east and
the west coast should be
Melted, and both the east and
the west coast should be
consumed by tidal waves
The west coast should be
consumed by tidal waves
tomorrow.
Consumed by tidal waves
tomorrow.
So if there are any surfers on
Tomorrow.
So if there are any surfers on
long island, you can expect some
So if there are any surfers on
long island, you can expect some
swells of up to 800 feet.
Long island, you can expect some
swells of up to 800 feet.
Well, that's the weather outlook
Swells of up to 800 feet.
Well, that's the weather outlook
for today.
Well, that's the weather outlook
for today.
Ronald?
For today.
Ronald?
Why, thanks, bill.
Ronald?
Why, thanks, bill.
The stock market closed today...
Why, thanks, bill.
The stock market closed today...
For good.
The stock market closed today...
For good.
And now with the sports, our own
For good.
And now with the sports, our own
barney johnson.
And now with the sports, our own
barney johnson.
Barn?
Barney johnson.
Barn?
Thank you, ronald.
Barn?
Thank you, ronald.
Good evening, sports fans.
Thank you, ronald.
Good evening, sports fans.
Bobby orr fried today at his
Good evening, sports fans.
Bobby orr fried today at his
home in toronto.
Bobby orr fried today at his
home in toronto.
Well, the entire
Home in toronto.
Well, the entire
new york yankees baseball team
Well, the entire
new york yankees baseball team
perished in a firestorm during
New york yankees baseball team
perished in a firestorm during
practice at their ft. Lauderdale
Perished in a firestorm during
practice at their ft. Lauderdale
spring training camp... Bad news
Practice at their ft. Lauderdale
spring training camp... Bad news
for you season ticket holders.
Spring training camp... Bad news
for you season ticket holders.
That's the sports scene for
For you season ticket holders.
That's the sports scene for
tonight.
That's the sports scene for
tonight.
Ronald?
Tonight.
Ronald?
Why, thanks, barn.
Ronald?
Why, thanks, barn.
And that's the way the world
Why, thanks, barn.
And that's the way the world
was.
And that's the way the world
was.
And this is ronald brooks...
Was.
And this is ronald brooks...
And barney johnson...
And this is ronald brooks...
And barney johnson...
Saying that this is
And barney johnson...
Saying that this is
ronald brooks...
Saying that this is
ronald brooks...
And barney johnson...
Ronald brooks...
And barney johnson...
Saying good night.
And barney johnson...
Saying good night.
Good night.
Saying good night.
Good night.
Thank you.
Good night.
Thank you.
[Applause]
Bad dolly!
Bad dolly!
Don't hurt dolly!
Bad dolly!
Don't hurt dolly!
Don't hurt dolly.
Don't hurt dolly!
Don't hurt dolly.
She's so cute.
Don't hurt dolly.
She's so cute.
Bad dolly wee-wee all over
She's so cute.
Bad dolly wee-wee all over
pretty dress.
Bad dolly wee-wee all over
pretty dress.
Oh, bootsie, have to make
Pretty dress.
Oh, bootsie, have to make
tinkie, too, in pee-pee potty.
Oh, bootsie, have to make
tinkie, too, in pee-pee potty.
Hello, luffie.
Tinkie, too, in pee-pee potty.
Hello, luffie.
Hello, bootsie.
Hello, luffie.
Hello, bootsie.
Binkie needs to go to the
Hello, bootsie.
Binkie needs to go to the
little girls' room ever so
Binkie needs to go to the
little girls' room ever so
badly.
Little girls' room ever so
badly.
Play with your nose.
Badly.
Play with your nose.
What do these three
Play with your nose.
What do these three
extremely obnoxious grown women
What do these three
extremely obnoxious grown women
have in common?
Extremely obnoxious grown women
have in common?
They are all victims of gidget's
Have in common?
They are all victims of gidget's
disease.
They are all victims of gidget's
disease.
In other words, they are
Disease.
In other words, they are
terminally cute, too cute for
In other words, they are
terminally cute, too cute for
their own good.
Terminally cute, too cute for
their own good.
Let's take a closer look.
Their own good.
Let's take a closer look.
♪ I'm a little teapot, short
Let's take a closer look.
♪ I'm a little teapot, short
and stout ♪
♪ I'm a little teapot, short
and stout ♪
♪ here is my handle ♪
And stout ♪
♪ here is my handle ♪
♪ here is my... Handle ♪
♪ Here is my handle ♪
♪ here is my... Handle ♪
golly, I'm a sugar bowl.
♪ Here is my... Handle ♪
golly, I'm a sugar bowl.
Please, judge, don't send
Golly, I'm a sugar bowl.
Please, judge, don't send
gramps to jail, or I'll be ever
Please, judge, don't send
gramps to jail, or I'll be ever
so cross with you.
Gramps to jail, or I'll be ever
so cross with you.
I know! We're showfolk!
So cross with you.
I know! We're showfolk!
We'll put on a show for you.
I know! We're showfolk!
We'll put on a show for you.
We got costumes in the barn, and
We'll put on a show for you.
We got costumes in the barn, and
my dad knows music.
We got costumes in the barn, and
my dad knows music.
Mr. Animal slipper...
My dad knows music.
Mr. Animal slipper...
Guess who's coming to see you.
Mr. Animal slipper...
Guess who's coming to see you.
Mr. Teddy bear purse!
Guess who's coming to see you.
Mr. Teddy bear purse!
Hello, mr. Teddy bear purse.
Mr. Teddy bear purse!
Hello, mr. Teddy bear purse.
What are you doing here?
Hello, mr. Teddy bear purse.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I brought you some yum-yum
What are you doing here?
Oh, I brought you some yum-yum
for your tummy.
Oh, I brought you some yum-yum
for your tummy.
Oh! Nummy, nummy, nummy, nummy!
For your tummy.
Oh! Nummy, nummy, nummy, nummy!
[Smooches]
Oh! Nummy, nummy, nummy, nummy!
[Smooches]
really enough to make you
[Smooches]
really enough to make you
want to puke your guts out.
Really enough to make you
want to puke your guts out.
There is help for these women.
Want to puke your guts out.
There is help for these women.
They and others like them can be
There is help for these women.
They and others like them can be
cured of gidget's disease by
They and others like them can be
cured of gidget's disease by
being forced to undergo
Cured of gidget's disease by
being forced to undergo
pointless root-canal work in
Being forced to undergo
pointless root-canal work in
what we like to call the dental
Pointless root-canal work in
what we like to call the dental
theater of cruelty.
What we like to call the dental
theater of cruelty.
I know, because I was one of
Theater of cruelty.
I know, because I was one of
them.
I know, because I was one of
them.
But I was lucky.
Them.
But I was lucky.
These women might not be so
But I was lucky.
These women might not be so
lucky.
These women might not be so
lucky.
Here, mr. Teddy bear purse!
Lucky.
Here, mr. Teddy bear purse!
[Shouting indistinctly]
Here, mr. Teddy bear purse!
[Shouting indistinctly]
we need your help.
[Shouting indistinctly]
we need your help.
Send your dollars to...
We need your help.
Send your dollars to...
[Applause]
[Southern accent] well, how
do you think I feel?
Two whole weeks, we've been
Do you think I feel?
Two whole weeks, we've been
married... I'm still the same
Two whole weeks, we've been
married... I'm still the same
girl I was on my wedding night.
Married... I'm still the same
girl I was on my wedding night.
Where's my cherry slush?!
Girl I was on my wedding night.
Where's my cherry slush?!
And I was lying under you
Where's my cherry slush?!
And I was lying under you
tonight, never once thinking
And I was lying under you
tonight, never once thinking
you'd find your manly powers.
Tonight, never once thinking
you'd find your manly powers.
Not more than two hours ago,
You'd find your manly powers.
Not more than two hours ago,
I bought a cherry slush from
Not more than two hours ago,
I bought a cherry slush from
7-eleven.
I bought a cherry slush from
7-eleven.
Now, where is it?!
7-Eleven.
Now, where is it?!
Behind the velveeta.
Now, where is it?!
Behind the velveeta.
I was lying under you, thinking
Behind the velveeta.
I was lying under you, thinking
about something else, just like
I was lying under you, thinking
about something else, just like
you told me.
About something else, just like
you told me.
Now, where is the foam?
You told me.
Now, where is the foam?
Where's the damn foam?!
Now, where is the foam?
Where's the damn foam?!
I was thinking about the
Where's the damn foam?!
I was thinking about the
noise that washing machines
I was thinking about the
noise that washing machines
make.
Noise that washing machines
make.
Well, I didn't pay 45 cents
Make.
Well, I didn't pay 45 cents
for two hours of lousy foam!
Well, I didn't pay 45 cents
for two hours of lousy foam!
When that didn't work, that
For two hours of lousy foam!
When that didn't work, that
didn't help you find your manly
When that didn't work, that
didn't help you find your manly
powers, I started thinking about
Didn't help you find your manly
powers, I started thinking about
dead people and if dead people
Powers, I started thinking about
dead people and if dead people
secretly watch to see if you go
Dead people and if dead people
secretly watch to see if you go
to their funeral.
Secretly watch to see if you go
to their funeral.
You looking at certain
To their funeral.
You looking at certain
parts of my body and you
You looking at certain
parts of my body and you
thinking the word "dead"?
Parts of my body and you
thinking the word "dead"?
Well, no wonder.
Thinking the word "dead"?
Well, no wonder.
If you're wondering why there is
Well, no wonder.
If you're wondering why there is
no wonder, well, there is no
If you're wondering why there is
no wonder, well, there is no
wonder.
No wonder, well, there is no
wonder.
You know, I have been with, if
Wonder.
You know, I have been with, if
you know what I mean, a
You know, I have been with, if
you know what I mean, a
semiprofessional singer.
You know what I mean, a
semiprofessional singer.
I know.
Semiprofessional singer.
I know.
I have had adult relations
I know.
I have had adult relations
with a semiprofessional singer.
I have had adult relations
with a semiprofessional singer.
I know.
With a semiprofessional singer.
I know.
Not to mention many others,
I know.
Not to mention many others,
not to mention the rest.
Not to mention many others,
not to mention the rest.
Only to mention the one that
Not to mention the rest.
Only to mention the one that
proves to a man who has been to
Only to mention the one that
proves to a man who has been to
houston and left behind a
Proves to a man who has been to
houston and left behind a
satisfied semiprofessional
Houston and left behind a
satisfied semiprofessional
singer!
Satisfied semiprofessional
singer!
[Crying] I have worn every
Singer!
[Crying] I have worn every
piece of underwear you've sent
[Crying] I have worn every
piece of underwear you've sent
away for from the back of that
Piece of underwear you've sent
away for from the back of that
magazine!
Away for from the back of that
magazine!
It's not just a matter of
Magazine!
It's not just a matter of
wearing send-away underwear.
It's not just a matter of
wearing send-away underwear.
It has something to do with you
Wearing send-away underwear.
It has something to do with you
being 18 and me being 23,
It has something to do with you
being 18 and me being 23,
with you coming to see that
Being 18 and me being 23,
with you coming to see that
certain thrill to a man's body.
With you coming to see that
certain thrill to a man's body.
I see that certain thrill.
Certain thrill to a man's body.
I see that certain thrill.
You may not see I see it, but I
I see that certain thrill.
You may not see I see it, but I
see it.
You may not see I see it, but I
see it.
I see it.
See it.
I see it.
And I felt it two weeks ago,
I see it.
And I felt it two weeks ago,
standing in the fire hall,
And I felt it two weeks ago,
standing in the fire hall,
saying, "I do."
Standing in the fire hall,
saying, "I do."
I apologized to god under my
Saying, "I do."
I apologized to god under my
breath for seeing that certain
I apologized to god under my
breath for seeing that certain
thrill right there in front of
Breath for seeing that certain
thrill right there in front of
the preacher.
Thrill right there in front of
the preacher.
And speaking of the preacher,
The preacher.
And speaking of the preacher,
what's happened in those two
And speaking of the preacher,
what's happened in those two
weeks?
What's happened in those two
weeks?
Well, I'll tell you.
Weeks?
Well, I'll tell you.
And it starts with this being my
Well, I'll tell you.
And it starts with this being my
home, and it doesn't feel like
And it starts with this being my
home, and it doesn't feel like
it.
Home, and it doesn't feel like
it.
And it starts with you making
It.
And it starts with you making
that new vegetable.
And it starts with you making
that new vegetable.
Brussels sprouts?
That new vegetable.
Brussels sprouts?
A new vegetable!
Brussels sprouts?
A new vegetable!
I don't need a new vegetable.
A new vegetable!
I don't need a new vegetable.
I have trouble enough with the
I don't need a new vegetable.
I have trouble enough with the
old vegetables without you
I have trouble enough with the
old vegetables without you
bringing in a new vegetable.
Old vegetables without you
bringing in a new vegetable.
And you always ignoring me when
Bringing in a new vegetable.
And you always ignoring me when
I ask you to buy fruit slaw.
And you always ignoring me when
I ask you to buy fruit slaw.
You didn't explain it!
I ask you to buy fruit slaw.
You didn't explain it!
It's fruit slaw.
You didn't explain it!
It's fruit slaw.
You buy it at the dairy case.
It's fruit slaw.
You buy it at the dairy case.
It comes in the plastic thing.
You buy it at the dairy case.
It comes in the plastic thing.
It's like coleslaw, only it's
It comes in the plastic thing.
It's like coleslaw, only it's
made of fruit.
It's like coleslaw, only it's
made of fruit.
It's fruit slaw! Fruit slaw!
Made of fruit.
It's fruit slaw! Fruit slaw!
Now, how much more can a man say
It's fruit slaw! Fruit slaw!
Now, how much more can a man say
about fruit slaw?!
Now, how much more can a man say
about fruit slaw?!
[Crying] I'm sorry.
About fruit slaw?!
[Crying] I'm sorry.
And you always using the word
[Crying] I'm sorry.
And you always using the word
"casserole" to mean the food and
And you always using the word
"casserole" to mean the food and
the thing you put it in.
"Casserole" to mean the food and
the thing you put it in.
Not to mention you changing the
The thing you put it in.
Not to mention you changing the
channel every time I'm watching
Not to mention you changing the
channel every time I'm watching
my favorite program.
Channel every time I'm watching
my favorite program.
Not to mention the bathroom.
My favorite program.
Not to mention the bathroom.
No, all your things in the
Not to mention the bathroom.
No, all your things in the
bathroom.
No, all your things in the
bathroom.
It's been two weeks of me trying
Bathroom.
It's been two weeks of me trying
to take care of my business,
It's been two weeks of me trying
to take care of my business,
and every time I sit down to it,
To take care of my business,
and every time I sit down to it,
my eyes come smack against a
And every time I sit down to it,
my eyes come smack against a
bottle of miss clairol sparkling
My eyes come smack against a
bottle of miss clairol sparkling
cherry color-number 101 for a
Bottle of miss clairol sparkling
cherry color-number 101 for a
natural, lustrous sheen,
Cherry color-number 101 for a
natural, lustrous sheen,
full-bodied, glowing with
Natural, lustrous sheen,
full-bodied, glowing with
highlights... I know all this
Full-bodied, glowing with
highlights... I know all this
crap by heart from two weeks of
Highlights... I know all this
crap by heart from two weeks of
reading it.
Crap by heart from two weeks of
reading it.
Do you understand?
Reading it.
Do you understand?
And you want to know what else I
Do you understand?
And you want to know what else I
know?
And you want to know what else I
know?
Super tampons... You want to
Know?
Super tampons... You want to
hear that?
Super tampons... You want to
hear that?
You're just saying all these
Hear that?
You're just saying all these
things to hurt me.
You're just saying all these
things to hurt me.
No, I'm not.
Things to hurt me.
No, I'm not.
And what about you?!
No, I'm not.
And what about you?!
Hunkering around the house all
And what about you?!
Hunkering around the house all
the time, looking in all the
Hunkering around the house all
the time, looking in all the
candy jars like you're expecting
The time, looking in all the
candy jars like you're expecting
to find candy in there, except
Candy jars like you're expecting
to find candy in there, except
this your house, and you know
To find candy in there, except
this your house, and you know
there ain't nothing in there but
This your house, and you know
there ain't nothing in there but
safety pins and rubber bands.
There ain't nothing in there but
safety pins and rubber bands.
And you giving me dirty looks.
Safety pins and rubber bands.
And you giving me dirty looks.
And how about the other night
And you giving me dirty looks.
And how about the other night
when you shushed me?
And how about the other night
when you shushed me?
You shushed me three times when
When you shushed me?
You shushed me three times when
you was watching lucy arnaz on
You shushed me three times when
you was watching lucy arnaz on
"the $20,000 pyramid."
You was watching lucy arnaz on
"the $20,000 pyramid."
And every night at dinner,
"The $20,000 pyramid."
And every night at dinner,
you're asking me if I want my
And every night at dinner,
you're asking me if I want my
dessert, like we're back at the
You're asking me if I want my
dessert, like we're back at the
high-school cafeteria.
Dessert, like we're back at the
high-school cafeteria.
"Do you want your dessert?
High-school cafeteria.
"Do you want your dessert?
Do you want your dessert?"
"Do you want your dessert?
Do you want your dessert?"
Like we got married so you could
Do you want your dessert?"
Like we got married so you could
eat my apple brown betty!
Like we got married so you could
eat my apple brown betty!
Ohh! Ohh!
Eat my apple brown betty!
Ohh! Ohh!
Well, well, well.
Ohh! Ohh!
Well, well, well.
Maybe this just proves what I've
Well, well, well.
Maybe this just proves what I've
been meaning to say for two
Maybe this just proves what I've
been meaning to say for two
weeks... You should've married
Been meaning to say for two
weeks... You should've married
that handsome rick mooney.
Weeks... You should've married
that handsome rick mooney.
[Exhales deeply]
That handsome rick mooney.
[Exhales deeply]
well, if I had known...
[Exhales deeply]
well, if I had known...
If I would've known what I know
Well, if I had known...
If I would've known what I know
now last summer at cheerleader
If I would've known what I know
now last summer at cheerleader
camp when I was deciding between
Now last summer at cheerleader
camp when I was deciding between
you and rick mooney...
Camp when I was deciding between
you and rick mooney...
'Cause it all happened during
You and rick mooney...
'Cause it all happened during
cheerleader camp.
'Cause it all happened during
cheerleader camp.
In a moment of devotion, we were
Cheerleader camp.
In a moment of devotion, we were
all down on our knees around the
In a moment of devotion, we were
all down on our knees around the
flagpole in the driveway.
All down on our knees around the
flagpole in the driveway.
And you had to hold the jingle
Flagpole in the driveway.
And you had to hold the jingle
bells quiet on your tennis shoe
And you had to hold the jingle
bells quiet on your tennis shoe
laces.
Bells quiet on your tennis shoe
laces.
And I was holding my jingle
Laces.
And I was holding my jingle
bells and thinking, "god, give
And I was holding my jingle
bells and thinking, "god, give
me a sign.
Bells and thinking, "god, give
me a sign.
Henry or rick mooney?"
Me a sign.
Henry or rick mooney?"
And I said, "amen" and we all
Henry or rick mooney?"
And I said, "amen" and we all
stood up, and I let go of my
And I said, "amen" and we all
stood up, and I let go of my
jingle bells to brush off the
Stood up, and I let go of my
jingle bells to brush off the
cinders of my knees from the
Jingle bells to brush off the
cinders of my knees from the
driveway.
Cinders of my knees from the
driveway.
And the cinders were all mashed
Driveway.
And the cinders were all mashed
into my knee's skin, forming the
And the cinders were all mashed
into my knee's skin, forming the
shape of an "h" for henry, and
Into my knee's skin, forming the
shape of an "h" for henry, and
that's when I knew.
Shape of an "h" for henry, and
that's when I knew.
[Sobs]
That's when I knew.
[Sobs]
is that so?
[Sobs]
is that so?
I learned two things at
Is that so?
I learned two things at
majorette camp last summer...
I learned two things at
majorette camp last summer...
I love you...
Majorette camp last summer...
I love you...
And they give free nuts to
I love you...
And they give free nuts to
people on airplanes.
And they give free nuts to
people on airplanes.
Is that so?
People on airplanes.
Is that so?
No.
Is that so?
No.
It's not so.
No.
It's not so.
The truth is...
It's not so.
The truth is...
The cinders in my knee's skin
The truth is...
The cinders in my knee's skin
didn't form the shape of an "h."
The cinders in my knee's skin
didn't form the shape of an "h."
The cinders in my knee's skin
Didn't form the shape of an "h."
The cinders in my knee's skin
didn't form anything.
The cinders in my knee's skin
didn't form anything.
But I made up that story because
Didn't form anything.
But I made up that story because
I love you, and you never
But I made up that story because
I love you, and you never
believed I loved you more than
I love you, and you never
believed I loved you more than
rick mooney.
Believed I loved you more than
rick mooney.
And I still love you.
Rick mooney.
And I still love you.
I still love you.
And I still love you.
I still love you.
And I have seen your work pants
I still love you.
And I have seen your work pants
without you in them.
And I have seen your work pants
without you in them.
I've seen all those things, with
Without you in them.
I've seen all those things, with
the seat stuck out on its own
I've seen all those things, with
the seat stuck out on its own
and all, and I've seen all of
The seat stuck out on its own
and all, and I've seen all of
that, and I still love you.
And all, and I've seen all of
that, and I still love you.
So...
That, and I still love you.
So...
Now you know.
So...
Now you know.
[Sighs]
Now you know.
[Sighs]
now I know.
[Sighs]
now I know.
Hey, uh, put your clothes on.
Now I know.
Hey, uh, put your clothes on.
Go on.
Hey, uh, put your clothes on.
Go on.
What for?
Go on.
What for?
We'll go to the 7-eleven.
What for?
We'll go to the 7-eleven.
I'll buy you a cherry slush.
We'll go to the 7-eleven.
I'll buy you a cherry slush.
Cherry slush?
I'll buy you a cherry slush.
Cherry slush?
Oh, henry.
Cherry slush?
Oh, henry.
Oh, henry, henry.
In texas, where I come from,
everybody twirls a baton.
Yesterday, I got to twirl mine
Everybody twirls a baton.
Yesterday, I got to twirl mine
for gary weis.
Yesterday, I got to twirl mine
for gary weis.
Here's this week's film.
[David bowie's "fame" plays]
♪ Could it be the best? ♪
♪ Could it be? ♪
♪ Really be ♪
♪ Could it be? ♪
♪ Really be ♪
♪ really, babe ♪
♪ Really be ♪
♪ really, babe ♪
♪ could it be, my babe? ♪
♪ Really, babe ♪
♪ could it be, my babe? ♪
♪ Could it, babe? ♪
♪ Could it be, my babe? ♪
♪ Could it, babe? ♪
♪ Could it, babe? ♪
♪ Could it, babe? ♪
♪ Could it, babe? ♪
♪ Could it? ♪
♪ Could it, babe? ♪
♪ Could it? ♪
♪ It is any wonder ♪
♪ Could it? ♪
♪ It is any wonder ♪
♪ I reject you first? ♪
♪ It is any wonder ♪
♪ I reject you first? ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ I reject you first? ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ is it any wonder ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ is it any wonder ♪
♪ you're too cool to fool? ♪
♪ Is it any wonder ♪
♪ you're too cool to fool? ♪
♪ Fame, fame ♪
♪ You're too cool to fool? ♪
♪ Fame, fame ♪
♪ fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame ♪
♪ fame ♪
♪ bully for you, chilly for
♪ Fame ♪
♪ bully for you, chilly for
me ♪
♪ Bully for you, chilly for
me ♪
♪ got to get a rain check on ♪
Me ♪
♪ got to get a rain check on ♪
♪ pain ♪
♪ Got to get a rain check on ♪
♪ pain ♪
♪ fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame,
fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ fame, fame, fame, fame, fame,
Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ fame, fame, fame, fame, fame,
fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame,
fame, fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
♪ fame, fame, fame, fame ♪
Announcer: and now it's time
for "bad playhouse" with your
host, leonard pinth-garnell.
For "bad playhouse" with your
host, leonard pinth-garnell.
Hello, I'm
Host, leonard pinth-garnell.
Hello, I'm
leonard pinth-garnell, and
Hello, I'm
leonard pinth-garnell, and
welcome once again to
Leonard pinth-garnell, and
welcome once again to
"bad playhouse."
Welcome once again to
"bad playhouse."
Tonight, we feature a work by
"Bad playhouse."
Tonight, we feature a work by
jan vorstad, one of the worst of
Tonight, we feature a work by
jan vorstad, one of the worst of
the new breed of bad dutch
Jan vorstad, one of the worst of
the new breed of bad dutch
playwrights of the piet hein
The new breed of bad dutch
playwrights of the piet hein
school.
Playwrights of the piet hein
school.
His work has been reviled, not
School.
His work has been reviled, not
only in his native amsterdam but
His work has been reviled, not
only in his native amsterdam but
throughout europe.
Only in his native amsterdam but
throughout europe.
Vorstad's early plays dealt with
Throughout europe.
Vorstad's early plays dealt with
the existentialism of being...
Vorstad's early plays dealt with
the existentialism of being...
Difficult to understand because
The existentialism of being...
Difficult to understand because
they were so very poorly
Difficult to understand because
they were so very poorly
written.
They were so very poorly
written.
Tonight's play is entitled
Written.
Tonight's play is entitled
"the millkeeper," written by
Tonight's play is entitled
"the millkeeper," written by
jan vorstad in 1953 before he
"The millkeeper," written by
jan vorstad in 1953 before he
had even learned to form
Jan vorstad in 1953 before he
had even learned to form
sentences.
Had even learned to form
sentences.
The principal characters of the
Sentences.
The principal characters of the
play are the young millkeeper,
The principal characters of the
play are the young millkeeper,
nils, his new bride, pietre, his
Play are the young millkeeper,
nils, his new bride, pietre, his
sister, jann, death, and the
Nils, his new bride, pietre, his
sister, jann, death, and the
mill itself.
Sister, jann, death, and the
mill itself.
The interaction of the play
Mill itself.
The interaction of the play
deals with the torment of the
The interaction of the play
deals with the torment of the
young bride alone in the
Deals with the torment of the
young bride alone in the
windmill with her sister, who is
Young bride alone in the
windmill with her sister, who is
caught in the clutches of death.
Windmill with her sister, who is
caught in the clutches of death.
And nils is torn between the
Caught in the clutches of death.
And nils is torn between the
idea of loving them and his
And nils is torn between the
idea of loving them and his
endless need to work at the
Idea of loving them and his
endless need to work at the
milling of grains.
Endless need to work at the
milling of grains.
It is twilight as the play
Milling of grains.
It is twilight as the play
begins.
It is twilight as the play
begins.
[Creaking]
Aaaah!
Aaaaaah!
Aaaaah!
Aaaaaah!
Aaaaah!
Aaaaaaah!
Aaaaah!
Aaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Aaaaaaah!
Thank you.
Aaaaaaah!
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
There, now, that wasn't so good,
Thank you so much.
There, now, that wasn't so good,
was it?
There, now, that wasn't so good,
was it?
And now I'd like to introduce
Was it?
And now I'd like to introduce
the cast of tonight's
And now I'd like to introduce
the cast of tonight's
"bad playhouse."
The cast of tonight's
"bad playhouse."
The ardent, young millkeeper was
"Bad playhouse."
The ardent, young millkeeper was
played by mike mulay.
The ardent, young millkeeper was
played by mike mulay.
[Cheers and applause]
Played by mike mulay.
[Cheers and applause]
the young bride was portrayed by
[Cheers and applause]
the young bride was portrayed by
christina malfey.
The young bride was portrayed by
christina malfey.
[Cheers and applause]
Christina malfey.
[Cheers and applause]
and the sister was
[Cheers and applause]
and the sister was
geneveve venus.
And the sister was
geneveve venus.
[Cheers and applause]
Geneveve venus.
[Cheers and applause]
[laughs]
[Cheers and applause]
[laughs]
and death was ronnie bateman.
[Laughs]
and death was ronnie bateman.
[Cheers and applause]
Much...
[Cheers and applause
continues]
[Cheers and applause
continues]
terrible. Terrible.
[Continues]
terrible. Terrible.
Awful. Awful. Awful.
Terrible. Terrible.
Awful. Awful. Awful.
Couldn't be worse.
Awful. Awful. Awful.
Couldn't be worse.
Couldn't be worse.
Couldn't be worse.
Couldn't be worse.
Terrible. Simply awful.
Couldn't be worse.
Terrible. Simply awful.
Much of vorstad's work was much
Terrible. Simply awful.
Much of vorstad's work was much
worse in his later years.
Much of vorstad's work was much
worse in his later years.
Next week on "bad playhouse,"
Worse in his later years.
Next week on "bad playhouse,"
join me for an even worse play,
Next week on "bad playhouse,"
join me for an even worse play,
elmo simpson's
Join me for an even worse play,
elmo simpson's
"the hot carrier."
Elmo simpson's
"the hot carrier."
Until then, this is
"The hot carrier."
Until then, this is
leonard pinth-garnell saying
Until then, this is
leonard pinth-garnell saying
good night.
♪ Well, I've been looking for
somebody ♪
♪ got my mind made up ♪
Somebody ♪
♪ got my mind made up ♪
♪ who doesn't need a lot to
♪ Got my mind made up ♪
♪ who doesn't need a lot to
say ♪
♪ Who doesn't need a lot to
say ♪
♪ so that when we talk, at least
Say ♪
♪ so that when we talk, at least
we're not playing games ♪
♪ So that when we talk, at least
we're not playing games ♪
♪ I've been in love before, but
We're not playing games ♪
♪ I've been in love before, but
I got hurt so bad ♪
♪ I've been in love before, but
I got hurt so bad ♪
♪ that I still can't feel the
I got hurt so bad ♪
♪ that I still can't feel the
pain ♪
♪ That I still can't feel the
pain ♪
♪ I want to love again, but I
Pain ♪
♪ I want to love again, but I
still feel too afraid ♪
♪ I want to love again, but I
still feel too afraid ♪
♪ so I've been living in the
Still feel too afraid ♪
♪ so I've been living in the
city of the one-night stands ♪
♪ So I've been living in the
city of the one-night stands ♪
♪ and sleeping next to pity,
City of the one-night stands ♪
♪ and sleeping next to pity,
and it's crazy ♪
♪ And sleeping next to pity,
and it's crazy ♪
♪ the closer I get, well, the
And it's crazy ♪
♪ the closer I get, well, the
more she wants to take me ♪
♪ The closer I get, well, the
more she wants to take me ♪
♪ and when you're living in the
More she wants to take me ♪
♪ and when you're living in the
city of the one-night stands ♪
♪ And when you're living in the
city of the one-night stands ♪
♪ faces that never look too
City of the one-night stands ♪
♪ faces that never look too
pretty in the daylight ♪
♪ Faces that never look too
pretty in the daylight ♪
♪ begin to look fine when the
Pretty in the daylight ♪
♪ begin to look fine when the
nighttime gets you blind ♪
♪ Begin to look fine when the
nighttime gets you blind ♪
♪ living in the city of the
Nighttime gets you blind ♪
♪ living in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ Living in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ livin' in the city of the
One-night stands ♪
♪ livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ Livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ morning comes early in a
One-night stands ♪
♪ morning comes early in a
stranger's bed ♪
♪ Morning comes early in a
stranger's bed ♪
♪ it's never quite as easy when
Stranger's bed ♪
♪ it's never quite as easy when
you're astray ♪
♪ It's never quite as easy when
you're astray ♪
♪ I'd like to have a dime for
You're astray ♪
♪ I'd like to have a dime for
all the promises ♪
♪ I'd like to have a dime for
all the promises ♪
♪ that stony lovers make when it
All the promises ♪
♪ that stony lovers make when it
gets late ♪
♪ That stony lovers make when it
gets late ♪
♪ sure, it hurts ♪
Gets late ♪
♪ sure, it hurts ♪
♪ still, it feels pretty good to
♪ Sure, it hurts ♪
♪ still, it feels pretty good to
be livin' in the city of the
♪ Still, it feels pretty good to
be livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
Be livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ where the nighttime makes it
One-night stands ♪
♪ where the nighttime makes it
easy to feel crazy ♪
♪ Where the nighttime makes it
easy to feel crazy ♪
♪ and you want to get saved,
Easy to feel crazy ♪
♪ and you want to get saved,
but there's nothing there worth
♪ And you want to get saved,
but there's nothing there worth
saving ♪
But there's nothing there worth
saving ♪
♪ when you're livin' in the city
Saving ♪
♪ when you're livin' in the city
of the one-night stands ♪
♪ When you're livin' in the city
of the one-night stands ♪
♪ though you never see the
Of the one-night stands ♪
♪ though you never see the
beauty in the daylight ♪
♪ Though you never see the
beauty in the daylight ♪
♪ when day becomes night, it
Beauty in the daylight ♪
♪ when day becomes night, it
begins to feel all right ♪
♪ When day becomes night, it
begins to feel all right ♪
♪ livin' in the city of the
Begins to feel all right ♪
♪ livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ Livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
♪ livin' in the city of the
One-night stands ♪
♪ livin' in the city of the
one-night stands ♪
[Applause]
This week's home movie is
submitted by my friend
robert altman.
Submitted by my friend
robert altman.
Okay, here she goes.
Robert altman.
Okay, here she goes.
Action.
Okay, here she goes.
Action.
Hi.
Action.
Hi.
I'm anne good.
Hi.
I'm anne good.
What's your name?
I'm anne good.
What's your name?
Linda.
What's your name?
Linda.
What'd you say your name was?
Linda.
What'd you say your name was?
Vicki?
What'd you say your name was?
Vicki?
Yeah, that's my nickname.
Vicki?
Yeah, that's my nickname.
My real name's mildred.
Yeah, that's my nickname.
My real name's mildred.
I hate it.
My real name's mildred.
I hate it.
Mine's really... Virginia.
I hate it.
Mine's really... Virginia.
Your real name's virginia?
Mine's really... Virginia.
Your real name's virginia?
Linda, huh?
Your real name's virginia?
Linda, huh?
Yeah.
Linda, huh?
Yeah.
Can I use your phone sometime?
Yeah.
Can I use your phone sometime?
You can use my phone all the
Can I use your phone sometime?
You can use my phone all the
time.
You can use my phone all the
time.
[Telephone rings]
Time.
[Telephone rings]
hello?
[Telephone rings]
hello?
Hello.
Hello?
Hello.
[Blows]
Hello.
[Blows]
now, what'd you do that for?
[Blows]
now, what'd you do that for?
I saw somebody do it once.
Now, what'd you do that for?
I saw somebody do it once.
Are you okay?
I saw somebody do it once.
Are you okay?
Who's this?
Are you okay?
Who's this?
Who's this?
And this is the bedroom.
I knew it'd look like this.
And this is my closet, and
I knew it'd look like this.
And this is my closet, and
that's your closet.
And this is my closet, and
that's your closet.
Oh, it's big.
That's your closet.
Oh, it's big.
Carol, do you mind if I share
Oh, it's big.
Carol, do you mind if I share
your closet?
Carol, do you mind if I share
your closet?
My room doesn't have one.
♪ Shinin' over the sea ♪
♪ 'cause every time I catch you
lookin' over... ♪
♪ 'Cause every time I catch you
lookin' over... ♪
[Applause]
Lookin' over... ♪
[Applause]
I want to thank everybody for
[Applause]
I want to thank everybody for
coming tonight, and I want to
I want to thank everybody for
coming tonight, and I want to
tell you I had a great time.
Coming tonight, and I want to
tell you I had a great time.
And y'all come back, you hear?
Tell you I had a great time.
And y'all come back, you hear?
[Band plays]
Announcer: next saturday
Night, our host will be
Broderick crawford with
Musical guest the meters,
Levon helm, and dr. John.
People mistake me for
Broderick crawford, or is it
Joan crawford?
Who cares?
At least I look like a star!
This is don pardo saying good
Night.
02x16 - Sissy Spacek/Richard Baskin
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
The show's comedy sketches, which often parody contemporary American culture and politics, are performed by a large and varying cast of repertory and newer cast members.
The show's comedy sketches, which often parody contemporary American culture and politics, are performed by a large and varying cast of repertory and newer cast members.