02x23 - The Going Away Gift

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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02x23 - The Going Away Gift

Post by bunniefuu »

-And while Mom was in the
supermarket doing her shopping,

a lady came out
and I said, lady,

would you like me to carry your
packages to your car for you?

-I don't see why
that made her cry.

-It wasn't then, it was later.

She smiles and she
says, why thank you.

Aren't you a little gentleman?

And I said, yes, I am.

So she handed me her packages,
and I dropped her eggs.

-Is that when she cried?

-Nope, later.

So then I bent down
to pick up her eggs

and I tipped over
the bag of oranges.

That sure is a steep hill.

-They get away from you?

-Not all of them.

I dropped the rest of her
packages on the cement

and ran after them.

-How many did you catch?

-Four.
-Is that when she--

-Nope.

So then I picked up her
packages from the cement

and all the containers
of milk were leaking.

-Is that when she--
-Nope.

So finally, we got all
her stuff in the car,

and she got in and
started the motor.

And I said, hey lady, aren't
you going to give me a tip?

-How much did she give you?

-She didn't give me anything.

She just snorted and
then she started to cry.

-Guess she was just nervous.

-When Mom heard what happened
she told me from now on I

can't ask for rewards when I
do something nice for somebody.

[theme music]

-Dennis, this is long distance.

Yes, Dad.

Yes, everything's all set.

I'm packing now and Henry's
going to drive me up tonight.

-Tell him Grandma's
coming to take care of Dad

and me while you're gone.

-Yes, Henry's mother's
flying in this afternoon.

-In an airplane tell him.

-He knows that dear.

No, no, Dad, I'm going to stay
just as long as you need me,

until you're back
on your feet again.

-Oh, tell him I'm sorry
he broke his foot.

-You told him that
yesterday dear.

-Yeah, but I'm still
sorry today though.

-No, Dad, it's no
trouble at all.

And I can run the business for
you just fine, you know that.

-Tell him I broke a leg one
time on the coffee table.

-Just a minute, Dad.

-Dennis, you're going to
have to stop interrupting.

-Don't bother your
mother, Dennis.

Come away from there.

-Yes, he's full of conversation.

-Is everything OK?

Is he still getting out
of the hospital tomorrow?

-Yes, tomorrow morning.

-Does he need anything?

Ask him if we can
bring him anything.

-I did dear.

No, Dad, that was Henry.

-Come on, Dennis, let's
go in the front room.

Long distance calls cost money.

-Ask Grandpa if he'll
call us next time, Mom.

Dad lets me talk as long as I
want when it's Grandpa's call.

-Come on, Dennis.

Son, Mom and I are going
to be kind of business

today getting ready to
leave and all and well,

you're just going to have to
sort of stay out of the way,

OK?

-Oh, I will.

Because I'm going to
have a busy day too.

You know what I
have to do today.

-No, what do you have to do?

-Jeepers, don't
you remember, Dad?

You said I could.

You said I could open
my piggy banks and--

-Oh yeah, the present
for your mother.

-Her going away present from me.

She'll sure be surprised
I bet, real surprised.

-Uh, Dennis, what is
this big surprise?

-It's a secret.

They got them down at
Finch's Drug Store.

I'm going to get my money
right now and go down there.

My dad's going to leave
Mom and Granddad's house

because Granddad is Mom's dad.

And one of his feet's
broken, you see.

-Mm-hm.

-And while Mom is
taken care of Mom's dad

Dad's mom is going to
take care of Dad and me.

She's my Grandma.

-All right, Dennis.

Is that all?

-That's all I can
think of, Mr. Finch.

Unless you'd like to hear
more about my grandma.

She's coming on an airplane.

-No, no, no no.

I mean do you want
to buy anything else?

-No, sir.

Boy, my mom is sure going to
like those earrings I bet.

She loves gold earrings.

-That's $ . including tax.

-So if you'll just get it.

Oh, hello, George.

-Oh, hello, there Lawrence.

Well, Dennis, what
are you doing here?

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

You ought to see
the swell earrings

I bought my mom for
a going away present.

-Well, you haven't exactly
bought them yet, Dennis.

Have you got $ . ?
-Oh, sure.

I've got lots of
money, Mr. Finch.

Wait til I show Mr.
Wilson the present.

-Oh.

-Look, aren't they beautiful?

-Yes indeed.

Those are very nice, Dennis.

-$ . Dennis.

-OK.

I'll get it out while
you're wrapping it up again.

-Oh, no, no I've
wrapped it once.

If you want it wrapped
again, you do it yourself.

-Oh boy, swell.

Hand me that gold paper
and some red ribbon

with some sticky tape and--

-Oh, for heaven's sakes.

Never mind, I'll wrap it myself.

-Oh, come now
Lawrence, let's have

a little smiling service here.

Wrap it nicely for the customer.

-Wilson, did you come
in here to buy anything

or just to make trouble?

-Why, I just made a large
purchase here, Lawrence.

And I must say when I pay a dime
for $ . worth of stamps that

leaves you a mighty
handsome profit.

-I know I get rich off of
you, you and this kid here.

All right Dennis, that's it.

-Here's the money for it.

You just take out
whatever it costs

and give me back the rest.

I trust you Mr. Finch.

-Hey, hi Dennis.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Hi, Tommy.

You know what I got
in this package?

-What?

-I just bought my Mom
the prettiest earrings

in this whole town.

-Heck, my mom's got lots
of pretty earrings gold

and everything.

-She hasn't got any as
pretty as these, boy.

-Bet she has.

-I bet she hasn't.

-I bet she has.

-All right, I'll
just prove it to you.

Wait until you see these, Tommy.

-Now, before I
finish tying this,

are you sure you don't want
to show these to someone else?

-Well, I wanted to show
them to Mrs. Wilson,

but she's not home, is she?

-No, she's over at your
place helping you mother.

But if she were here, she could
do a much better wrapping job.

-Well, I bet nobody
could wrap it

any sweller than
that, Mr. Wilson.

Tie it up.
-All right.

-And would you write
the card for me too?

I write pretty big, and this
is kind of a little card.

-All right.

Ah, let's see, I think we ought
to sign it something nice.

How about lots of love?

-Yeah, that's good.

Uh, from your son Dennis, huh?

-Oh, no, I think we can
do better than that.

I think we ought to sign
with a pet name of some kind.

-A pet name?

You mean like Rover or Fido/

-No, Dennis.

Uh, what does your mother
call you besides, uh, Dennis.

-Well, sometimes she
calls me her big boy.

-Oh, that's fine.

That's good.

Lots of love from your big boy.

Ah.
Uh-huh.

There you go.

-Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

I'm not going to give it to Mom
until just before she leaves.

-Fine.

Now, I've got some
work to do here,

Dennis, so you just run along.

-I'll have to find
a real good hiding

place so Mom don't discover it.

Where do you think I ought
to hide this, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, that shouldn't be any
particular problem, Dennis.

If I were you I hide
it on my closet shelf.

Now run along now.

-Hey, that's a good idea.

-All right.
Goodbye.

-I wish you'd let
me do that ironing.

You must have lots of
packing and things.

-No, I'm in fine shape really.

You just sit there and visit.

I have everything I'm going
to take all laid out upstairs.

-Well, if there's
anything I can do

to help Mrs. Mitchell
while you're gone.

-Hi, Mom.

Boy, I sure am going to miss
you while you're at Grandpa's.

-Oh, honey, I'm going to
miss you too like everything.

-You'll be glad you're
going away though

when it's time to go away I bet.

-Glad?

Well, I'm never glad
to leave you and Dad.

Why would I be glad to go away?

-Can't you even guess why?

-No, I can't even guess.

-Good, because it's a secret.

And you're not
supposed to guess it.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hi.

Hello, dear.

Working hard?

-Oh, no, I'm just going over
some of the monthly statements.

Oh, say, hand me the paid
bill file out of the closet

while you're there,
will you dear?

-George, what a nice surprise.

Hand me the bills file
out of the closet.

Aren't you the sly one?

-Sly one?

Me?

-I had no idea you remembered.
-Remember?

-I wonder what it is.

I love small boxes.

-Oh, well, it's really
nothing, Martha.

I mean, well you see, uh--

-Lots of love from your big boy.

George, you haven't signed
a card that way in years.

-Oh, well, you see, what I
mean, is I'm not a boy anymore.

-Yes, you are.
You're my big boy.

You always be.

And you're just as
sentimental as ever.

Oh my, aren't they pretty?

And such good taste.

-Oh well, they're not
expensive, Martha, just a token.

-They're just lovely.

And anyway, it's the
thought that counts.

I'll never accuse you of
being forgetful again.

-Oh, well, I may forget the
little things sometimes.

-Just the little things.

-Just just the little things.

Well, you didn't
expect me to forget

a day like today did you?

-I didn't know.

-Oh, well, I didn't expect
to forget a day like today.

No sir, not for a minute.

-They'll go with
almost everything.

-Well, no, a day like
today, even though it's not

our wedding anniversary
or your birthday even,

it's important that--

-Mr. Wilson, are you home?

-Uh, Dennis, stay out there.

-I want to get my present
and show it to Dad.

-You and your confounded
present got me in a fine mess.

-Huh?

I didn't do anything.

I just got here.
-Come over here by the fence.

I've got to talk to you.

So you see, Dennis, there's
only one thing to do.

-Sure, we'll just have to tell
Mrs. Wilson it's a mistake

and get Mom's earrings back.

-Dennis, no, we can do that.

-Why not?

They're Mom's.

-Yes, I know.

I know, but it's
too late for that.

Now, we'll just have to
let Mrs. Wilson keep them.

Then you and I will go get your
mother an even better pair,

right?

-Well, I'd sure like
to help you out,

but I don't think
we could find any as

pretty as those for my mom.

-Oh, of course, we can.

We can get her some that
are twice as pretty.

-Well, we can go look I guess.

But why does Mrs. Wilson think
you're giving her a present?

Is it her birthday?

-No, no, it isn't her birthday.

I don't know what
the occasion is.

Our first date?

No, that was in September.

Let's see, uh, the
first day we met?

No.

-Why don't you ask her?

-Dennis, I can't ask her.

Don't you understand?

I don't want Mrs.
Wilson To know I forgot.

Oh, good heavens this
stupid memory of mine.

-Hey, here she comes.

-Maybe I can find out for you.

-Dennis, don't you say anything.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Gee, those are sure the
prettiest earrings I ever saw.

-Well, thank you, dear.

I'm glad you like them.

-I sure do like them.
-Dennis.

-I've been crazy about them
ever since I first saw them.

Haven't I, Mr. Wilson?

-Since you first saw them?

-Oh well, he means he
saw them the minute

you came out the door, Martha.

You know, young eyes never
miss a thing see a mile.

-I'm crazy about
them too, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson gave them to me.

-Oh I almost forgot.

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Wilson.

-Well, that's a nice wish dear.

It's not my birthday,
but thanks anyway.

-Well, gee, if it isn't your
birthday what day is it?

When you get presents they
have to be for something.

-Oh, it's for
something, all right.

Mr. Wilson and I have lots of
special little anniversaries,

haven't we, dear?

-Oh, oh, yes indeed.

We have lots of special
little anniversaries.

-Well, I have to go downtown.

And I'm going to stop
by and see your mother

to see if there's anything
else I can do to help.

See you later.
-Bye dear.

-Boy, she sure is happy.

-Special, little anniversaries
special, little ann--

Confound it, why
can't I remember?

-I hope we can find
some earrings as pretty

as those for my mom.

-Oh, we will, we will.

-Because I'd kind of hate to
take them back from Mrs. Wilson

now.

-Well, oh, for, Dennis, don't
even talk of taking them back.

-Well, I'll have to
If we can't find any.

-Oh, come on, come on.

Let me get my coat, let's
get down to that drug store

right now.

-I don't see anything
here that's as pretty

as those other earrings.

-Well, you've been over this
$ . tray twice so far.

-I know I bought the prettiest
earrings in the whole store

the first time.

And now Mrs. Wilson
thinks they're

hers so I'll just
have to take them.

-Now, Dennis, you
just keep on looking.

Now, Mr. Finch has all kinds
of pretty jewelry here.

So you keep looking some more.

-Well, now, let's see.

You know the really
good stuff, Dennis,

is down on this lower shelf.

Now, these $ .
items are very nice.

-$ . ?

-Well, leave them there.

What are you trying
to do, Finch, rob me?

-Oh, no, George, you're one
of my most valued customers.

I don't know what I'd do without
your postage stamp business.

You see anything
down there you'd

like me to pull out
for you, Dennis?

-No, thanks.

I don't even like those $ .
earrings as good as the ones I

bought.

-Well now, I guess
we'll have to decide

on some other kind
of a present, say

a nice bottle of, uh,
cologne or perfume maybe.

-Why that's a good idea, Dennis.

Your mother loves perfume.

-Well, she does like to
smell good all right.

-Well, that's fine.

Make a perfect
going away present.

All right, give us a nice
$ . bottle of perfume.

Wrap it up prettily.

-Oh, I wouldn't sell this boy
a cheap bottle of perfume,

not for his mother, no sir.

-Huh?

-No, your mother wouldn't
like $ . perfume, Dennis.

That's no present for a
boy to give his mother.

-It isn't?

-Now, now, look here, Finch.

-However, I have got a very
nice bottle of cologne.

I'm sure she'd love it.

$ . a bottle.
-$ . ?

Oh, no sir.

No you don't, Finch.

No, indeed.

-Boy, it sure must smell swell.

But I guess that's too
much money Mr. Finch.

I don't want you to
spend that much money.

-Well, don't you worry, Dennis.

I'm not going to.

-So I think the
best thing to do is

what I started to do
in the first place.

I'll just tell Mrs.
Wilson that she's

wearing my mother's
earrings because you

forgot what day this is.

She'll give them back to me.

She's a real nice lady.

-Dennis.

Wait.

Oh, Lawrence $ ?

-Plus tax.

-Oh, they're lovely.

And they'll go perfectly
with your new dress.

-You have the best
dressed ears in town.

-Oh, they're just little,
inexpensive things, Alice.

But it always pleases
me when George

remembers an anniversary
or something.

-Of course, we women do
love a sentimental husband.

-Well, while you two
are being sentimental,

I'll go do something practical.

-Hm?

-I'll write you a check.

You may need some money
while you're away.

-Well, that's a nice
sentimental gesture too.

-Dad!

Dad!

I was just coming in and look
who got out of a taxi cab

out in front.
-Mother.

It's good to see you.

-It's good to be here, Henry.

-Alice, Mother's here.

I'll go get your bags.

-Oh, thank you dear.

-Wow, I better hide
my Mom's present.

-Oh, Mother Mitchell.

-Oh, good to see you again.

-Why didn't you call
from the airport?

-Oh, I just jumped in a cab.

Alice, you look wonderful.

-Hello, Mrs. Mitchell.

Did you have a good trip?

-Mrs. Wilson, how are you?

Yes, the trip was fine.

-OK, son, here, help take
Grandma's bags up to her room.

-OK.

Boy, this suitcase feels
like it's got presents in it.

And we have to be careful,
don't we, Grandma?

-Is it time to go, Dad?

Is Mom ready?

-Just about.

She's upstairs
talking to Grandma.

-Boy, I think it's
about time for me

to give her her going
away present finally.

-Yes, and I want to
see that present.

We've been so busy.

[doorbell]
-I'll get it.

Hi.

-The Wilson's.

You look like New Year's Eve.

-I want you to know my husband
is taking me in town tonight

to dinner and a theater.

-Wonderful.

Alice is upstairs with Mother.

-Yes, sir, Mitchell,
we're certainly

going to do the town tonight.

I had to move heaven
and Earth to do it.

And it cost me $
besides, but look at that.

Two on the aisle for that big
musical, right from New York,

you know.

-You are a sport.
Come on in and sit down.

-Yes, be right there.

Ah.

-Here it is, Dad.

Come look.

-Gee, that's swell, son.

Dennis opened his
piggy bank this morning

and bought his mother
a going away present.

It with his own idea.

-Yes, I know about it.

-Boy, does he ever
know about it.

He knows all about it, Dad.

Isn't this swell?

-It's terrific, son.

-I'm going to write
this card myself.

Love Dennis, I'll say.

-Good.

-Say Mrs. Wilson showed us
those earrings you bought her.

And now you're taking her out
to dinner and to the theater,

what's the occasion?

-I haven't the slightest idea.

I just don't know
what the occasion is.

-But you bought her a gift.

-That's just the point.

I didn't buy her a gift.

I haven't the slightest
idea what today is.

-I bought those earrings that
Mrs. Wilson's wearing myself

for Mom with my own money.
-You bought them?

But why?

-Mr. Wilson signed
the card for me.

And it said, lots of
love from your big boy.

-Dennis, uh.

-And I hid it in
Mr. Wilson's closet,

and Mrs. Wilson
thought it was for her.

Because today is some kind
of a special anniversary.

Never mind Dennis.

-And Mr. Wilson can't
remember what it's all about.

And I promised I wouldn't
tell Mrs. Wilson.

Boy, am I in trouble now.

-You're not in any
trouble, Dennis.

I'm very glad to hear this.

So you don't know
what day it is?

-Now, Martha, please don't
make it any worse for me.

-Well, I don't know
what day it is either.

-You what?

-Well, at first I thought I did.

I thought it was the
date of our senior prom.

And then I realized it wasn't.

-But you said it was
a special occasion.

Martha, you are the
one who started it.

-Well, I found that
gift, and the card

was in your handwriting.

-Lots of love from
your big boy, it said.

-So I thought I'd forgotten
a special occasion.

-Well, I'll be darned.

If this isn't the
silliest thing.

By golly, this is marvellous.

You know, I don't take
you out often enough.

It's about time we had a
night on the town together.

-It's been quite a
mix up, hasn't it?

-Hasn't it, though.
-It sure has.

And I'm going to give
Mom her present right

now before anything
else gets mixed up.

-I don't blame you.

-Oh, that smells just lovely.

Isn't that beautiful?

-Mm, that is good.

-I picked it out.

You'll be the best smelling
mom in the whole world I bet.

-I bet I will.

And every time I smell
it, I'll think of you.

It's a wonderful present, dear.

-Well, I guess we
better get going.

-Oh, I'll help you load the car.

-Me too, Dad, I'll help you.

-I got your heavy
coat out, dear.

-Oh, thank you, Mother Mitchell.

You know, I just don't know what
I would have done without her.

-Well, I'm glad to be here.

Now, you go look after your dad.

Don't worry about the boys.

I'll take good care of them.

-And I'm right next door
if she needs anything.

-OK.

Is there anything else?

I'll see if you've
forgot anything.

-I don't think so, dear.

-Be careful on the backsteps,
it's dark out there.

Boy, it's a good thing
I came back all right.

-Oh, I hope they
have a fine trip.

Why don't you sit down
and visit for a while?

-Oh, thank you, Mrs.
Mitchell, but we

have a dinner reservation.

-I think we better be going.

My husband's taking me
to a big New York show.

-Oh, how nice.

-You've had a pretty
exciting day today,

haven't you, Mrs. Wilson?

-I certainly have, Dennis.

-It's almost like a
birthday with a present,

going out tonight,
and everything.

-And she owes it
all to you, Dennis.

If you hadn't put your mother's
present on my closet shelf,

none of this would
have happened.

-That's OK, Mr. Wilson.

I'm glad to do it.

-Now, do you have your wallet?

-Oh, of course.

-And the car keys?

-Oh, yes.

-And you do have the
theater tickets, don't you?

-Well, of course I have the
theater tick, wait a minute.

This isn't my coat.

-Where'd you get this
overcoat from the chair there?

-No, from the newel post.

-Jeepers, was that your overcoat
on the chair, Mr. Wilson?

I thought it was Dad's.

-What?

-I gave it to Mom
just before they left.

-Oh, $ . worth of
theater tickets great Scott.

-Now, don't fret, dear.

-Dennis, how in the
world did you do that?

-It was easy, Grandma.

I just came in the door
here and I went to the chair

and I pick up the coat.

Oh, hi, Dad.

-I got halfway down
the block before I

realized I had on your coat.

-Mitchell, am I glad to see you.

Oh, there.

-Oh, boy.

This is sure one special day
you'll remember next time,

won't you Mr. Wilson?

-You said it.

[theme music]
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