02x13 - Dennis' Allowance

[bunniefuu]

-And please keep Mom

well, and Dad well,

and Mr. and Mrs.

Wilson, and Tommy

eat well, and Freddie well.

Amen.

-Good night, Dear.

-Good night, Mom.

-Dennis, who's Freddie?

-He's my new frog, Mom.

[theme music]

-Hi, Mom.

-Hello, Dear.

-Mom, what can ya buy

with $. these days?

-Very little, I'm afraid.

-It isn't worth

very much, is it?

-No, it isn't.

-That's just what I thought.

Hi, Dad.

You reading?

-No, I'm not.

-What can you buy with

$. these days, Dad?

-Not very much.

-Isn't worth very much, is it?

-No, it isn't.

-That's just what good

old Mom was saying.

So how about giving me an

allowance of $. a week?

-Dennis, I don't

think you're old

enough for an allowance yet.

Your mother and I will

give you the spending

money we think you need.

-OK, Dad.

-Mom, remember you

said little kids

like me need more

educational toys?

-Yes, I remember.

-Well, for only $., I could

buy Tommy's educational death

ray g*n.

-Dennis, I've told

you many times,

when it comes to money matters,

you're to speak to your father.

-Hi, Dad.

You asleep in there?

-Yes, I am.

-Mom says I'm supposed

to talk to you.

-What about?

-About Tommy's death ray g*n.

Tommy found out it doesn't

really make you dead.

-Well, I'm glad to hear that.

-Dad?

-Yeah?

-Remember how when

I was a little kid,

you used to surprise me

with some little gift

for hardly any reason at all?

-Son, come here a minute.

Ah.

Dennis, you're

getting old enough

to realize that money

doesn't grow on trees.

Now, when I was your age, and

I wanted something special,

I was willing to work for it.

-Sure, Dad.

That's just what I'm doing now.

-I don't mean asking for money.

I mean earning it myself.

-I made $. selling

lemonade last week.

-Well, that's a good start.

-And I would've made even more

if that dumb old fly hadn't

fallen in and drowned

in front of everybody.

[chuckle]

-Well, now if you

could just figure out

a way to earn that

quarter that you want,

I think you'd learn to

appreciate the value of money

more, take better care of it.

-Yes, Sir.

-Tell you what I'm gonna do.

When I feel that you've

learned that money doesn't grow

on trees, I'm gonna start you

out on an allowance of $.

a week.

-Oh, boy!

I'll start learning right away!

-Darling, your new

outfit is just handsome.

And I love that sport coat.

-Oh, heh.

Oh, you don't

think the new suede

shoes are a little

too, uh, well,

daring for a man of my age?

-On the contrary, Dear.

You look both

distinguished and dashing.

-Dashing?

Oh, well, really, Martha?

[chuckling]

Yes.

Well, I suppose you could go

so far as to call me dashing.

-You'll be the best-dressed

man there this afternoon.

-Oh, that would be nice.

After all, there isn't a

reunion of my old college

fraternity every day.

And if I do say so myself, I had

quite a reputation as a campus

Beau Brummell in my time.

-You're still my Beau Brummell.

-Why, thank you, my dear.

And, you know,

you're still my Lady

of the Lake, my Maid Marian,

and my Queen of Sheba.

-Oh, George.

[chuckling]

[doorbell]

-Oh, fiddle faddle.

I knew the day was

going too well.

Martha, If that's

Dennis, you tell that boy

that I'm not home.

And maybe he'll go away.

-Now, Dear.

-I just know that

boy's going to do

something awful to my new shoes.

-Oh, what could he possibly

do to a pair of shoes?

-Well, you said the same

thing about my new hat,

and Dennis turned it into a

swimming pool for his guppies.

-But that wasn't his fault,

and you know it, George.

Dennis means well.

-Well, Great Scott, Martha.

A herd of wild

elephants means well.

[doorbell]

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson!

-Good morning, Dennis.

What are you doing with that?

-Is Mr. Wilson home?

-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Are you playing hide and

seek with Mrs. Wilson?

-Oh, good grief.

No, I'm not playing hide

and seek with Mrs. Wilson.

What do you want Dennis?

-Jeepers.

Why are you all

dressed up, Mr. Wilson?

Is Mrs. Wilson taking

you along shopping

to carry packages again today?

-No, I'm about to take a

walk, a long walk, alone.

Is that why you're wearing

these old, scuffed up shoes?

-Why, these are not

old scuffed up shoes.

They happen to be

brand new shoes.

-They are?

Then how come all the leather

is scraped off of them?

They're-- they're

suede shoes, Dear.

They're supposed to look

rather rough and dull.

-They are?

Jeepers, it takes my

new shoes a couple

of days to look

b*at up like that.

-Oh, all right, Dennis.

Did you have anything

particular in mind this morning,

or is this visit merely

part of your w*r of nerves?

-Well, I've come over

to wash your windows.

-Oh, for Pete's sake.

-I've just gotta make some money

that doesn't grow on trees.

-Well, I'm sorry, Dear.

Our windows were washed

only two days ago.

-They were?

Then how about hiring me to keep

little kids with sticky fingers

away from them?

-Oh, Dennis, go home.

-George, I'm sure we can

find a little job for Dennis

if we just try.

Martha, I know if you give

that boy five minutes,

he'll have this place, ready

to qualify as a disaster area.

-But George--

-You just leave

everything to me, my dear.

[clearing throat]

-Dennis?

-Yes, Mr. Wilson?

-There is a quarter.

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilson!

What do you want

me to do for it?

-Just go home.

-Have a good time

spending it, Dear.

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilson!

Thanks, Mrs. Wilson!

Oh, boy!

[door slams]

-Well, there, hah, he's happy.

We're happy.

And my shoes are still like new.

-George, really?

-Well, I think I'll go up and

take off these new clothes

so they'll be nice and

fresh for this afternoon.

Hah!

Martha, imagine, all this

peace of mind for a quarter.

Now why in the world haven't

I thought of this before?

Oh!

Oh, Great Scott!

He did it again!

[pop-popping of g*n]

-Take that!

And this!

And this!

Gee, this sure is

a swell g*n, Tommy.

-Yeah.

It's too bad your folks made

you give Mr. Wilson his quarter

back, or you could've

made a down payment on it.

-I gotta find some way

to learn about money.

Dad says when I learn it

doesn't grow on trees,

he'll give me a

weekly allowance.

I gotta go in business.

-What kind of

business you going in?

-I gotta think, Tommy.

-We could catch grasshoppers

and sell them as pets.

-Nah, they wear out too easy.

My last one stopped hopping

the first day I had him.

-Dennis, if I let you

use the g*n /,

can I be partners with

you in your business?

-OK!.

-What kind of business

we going in first?

-I'm still thinking.

Do you suppose we could find

good, strong grasshoppers?

-Hi, Dennis.

-That dumb old Margaret.

-Hello.

What are you doing?

-We're partners,

looking for a business.

-Can I be a partner, too?

-You're a girl.

-I've got a dime.

-She could be a silent partner.

-What's a silent partner?

-Yeah.

What's a silent partner?

-That's where you gotta

give us your dime,

but ya can't tell anybody.

-All right.

Here is my dime.

Now, how about let's starting

a paper doll business?

-Paper dolls?

-And then we could sell

them on street corners.

-I'm going home.

-I'll go with ya.

-All right.

Then what about a

baby washing service?

-Tommy.

Here's your old

dime back, Margaret.

-All right for you.

You'll be sorry.

-And take your dumb doll, too!

-That isn't nice

to talk to babies

like that, Dennis Mitchell!

-There goes the first

dime we ever made.

-Girls.

-Tommy, I'd rather starve

to death than wash a baby.

-Me, too.

-Maybe there's something

else we can wash.

Hey!

How about dogs?

-Dogs?

-Sure, you ever met a dog

that didn't need a bath?

-Sure.

But where are we gonna

find a dog with money?

-We'll get the money from

the person who owns the dog.

Come on, Tommy.

-Where we going?

-To get our first customer.

-Hold still, Fremont.

Sure was swell of

good old Mrs. Wilson

to let Fremont be

our first customer.

-And it was even sweller of Mr.

Wilson to be upstairs shaving.

-Oh, boy, $..

Don't rub too hard, Tommy.

We don't want to make him fade.

This back brush sure

works swell, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

Nothing smells like

a wet dog, does it?

-Well, my Sleeping

Beauty is awake.

-Where's the Mitchell's

secret w*apon?

-While I was in the

kitchen, I thought

I heard him go

upstairs with Tommy.

-Well, they're playing

quietly for a change.

[chuckle]

-I guess Dennis has given

up the idea of learning

about the value of

money for one day.

-Are you a little sorry

you didn't give him

the quarter when he

asked you for it?

-No, I'm not.

You know, Honey,

there comes a time

in the life of every

boy when he's got to--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Here, Fremont!

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Here, boy!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Here, Fremont!

[barking]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Here, Fremont!

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Here, boy!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Here, Fremont!

[barking]

-Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

-Hi, Mr. Mitchell

and Mrs. Mitchell.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Here, Fremont!

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Here, boy.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Here, Fremont!

-You think that shoe's

dry enough to wear, Dear?

-Oh, yes, Martha.

It's fine.

Now, if I can only

get out of here

before Dennis comes over again.

[barking]

-Oh, Fremont!

[barking]

-Oh Fremont!

Oh.

[barking]

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):

I'm a mess!

[barking]

MARTHA (OFFSCREEN): Oh, Fremont!

-Oh.

Oh, Fremont, for Heaven's sake!

Martha, just look at me.

-Oh dear.

-Great Scott!

Now he's even turned

my own dog against me.

Oh.

-$., $., $.--

-Hey, Dennis, why'd you let

Harold's' little brother

play for half price?

-Because he only had a penny.

BOY (OUTSIDE): Four!

-Four?

BOY (OUTSIDE): Four!

-Hey, Dennis, Richard

keeps swinging at the ball

and missing it.

-That's OK, Tommy.

My Dad does it all the time.

Those are called

practice swings.

-Dennis, what's

going on out here?

-Hi, Dad.

Tommy and me found another

way of making money.

-So, I see.

Where'd you get

those golf clubs?

-You want to play, Dad?

-No, thank you.

Dennis, those clubs

look very my like--

-You sure you don't

want to play golf, Dad?

-Dennis, if I'm not mistaken--

-It's only $., Mr. Mitchell.

-But you could play

for half price.

-Dennis, are those my c--

-Jeepers, Tommy.

You should see my

dad hit a golf ball.

-Dennis, I'm asking

you a question.

-I bet my dad could

hit a golf ball farther

than anyone in the whole--

-Dennis!

-world?

-You took my golf clubs

without asking, didn't you?

-I asked you, but

you were asleep.

-Well, I want you to collect

those clubs right now.

-How about the balls?

-The balls, too.

When you get through, you

can fill in the holes.

-But jeepers, Dad, most of

those holes belong to gophers.

-Well, I don't appreciate either

you or the gophers digging

the holes.

Now, you can just fill them in.

And I would suggest you

give your customers back

their money.

-Here we go again.

-Jeepers, Tommy.

Money doesn't last

long, does it?

-There's nothing like a

nice quiet Saturday at home.

-Are you still glad you

didn't give your offspring

a quarter when he

asked you for it?

-Yes, I am.

Dennis is learning a very

important lesson about money.

I just wish he could

change his teacher.

-Tommy, I've been thinking.

Since we have to fill up

those old holes anyhow,

why not put something in them.

-Like what?

-We'll start a pet cemetery.

-Sure.

Hey, aren't those

holes kind of little?

-We'll only bury little

pets like frogs or spiders.

-Yeah, that'd work.

-Now all we need is a customer.

-Yeah.

-Tommy, how's your pet

turtle been feeling?

-Uh, boys, don't forget

to fill in those holes.

That's next, Mr. Mitchell.

-Dad, can I bring our

record player out here?

-Out on the front porch?

What for?

-We need it for a funeral.

-Oh.

A what?

-A funeral.

We're gonna rent the holes to

other kids for a pet cemetery.

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Since the holes

are already turned inside

out and everything.

-You got anything you

want buried, Mr. Mitchell?

-Well, not at the moment.

Thank you.

And fellas, I hate

to keep putting

a damper on your various

business ventures,

but I'm afraid the pet

cemetery is out, too.

-You mean we can't

bury anything at all?

-Well, um, I think

your mom would probably

frown on the whole,

uh, business.

[chuckle]

-A pet cemetery, with music?

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): There

goes another big money-maker

down the drain.

-Yeah.

And so far, we've had to

give all the money back.

-If I don't make

some money, I'll

never learn how to handle it.

-And then you'll never get your

dad to give you an allowance.

-Dennis?

-Yes, Mom?

-Dear, I was wondering

if you and Tommy would

care to carry some things

down from the attic

to be put in the trash can.

-Me, too, Mrs. Mitchell?

-Yeah, Mom, why pick

on good old Tommy?

He isn't even a relative.

-Well, I was thinking of

paying you each $..

-$.?

Come on, Tommy.

We're in the moving business.

[chuckle]

[groan]

-Look at here, Tommy, two left

shoes of mine, better than new.

-And here's a swell old vase.

-Sure.

All it needs is a little gluing.

-Will gluing fix it?

-Sure it will.

I glued it once before

right after I dropped it.

-Here's a swell whatever

it's supposed to be.

-Boy, isn't it?

Jeepers, Tommy, junk like

this is the same as money.

-It is?

-Sure.

How do you suppose Mr.

Anacaster, the junkman,

got that big house,

and those big cars,

and the big dog that bites?

-Well, heck, let's go

in the junk business.

-Sure.

And I bet everybody's got good

throwing out stuff like this.

There's Miss

Cathcart, Mrs. Elkins.

-We know lots of people .

Now all we gotta

do is collect it.

-Sure.

Look, this lampshade's

almost new.

Hey, I got another idea.

First, we'll hold an auction.

And then we'll sell the

leftovers to the junk man.

-Oh, boy!

What's an auction?

-You mean you've

never been to one?

-How do I know until I

know what an auction is?

-It's a place parents go

to buy used stuff that they

fight about the next day.

Come on.

Let's go collect stuff.

[dong]

-Now, what am I bid for

this super deluxe one-owner

tackling dummy?

-I bid $. for this

swell tackling dummy.

-$..

-I bid $..

[laughing]

-Martha, I'm home.

-Hello, Dear.

Did you have a nice

time at the reunion?

-Oh, it was fine.

And you know, I was

the best dressed there.

-Good.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Sold for $..

-Oh, you know what that boy

is doing out there, Martha?

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Now--

-He's holding an auction.

-I know, Dear.

I gave Dennis a few old things

that I wanted to get rid of.

-Well, I hope you didn't

give away anything of mine.

-Of course not, Dear.

[squeaking]

-Hear that?

[squeaking]

-Doesn't this sound like a bird?

Now, what am I offered for

this peachy bird caller?

[squeaking]

-That sounds like my

Audobon Bird Caller.

-Oh, George.

You have a half a

dozen of those things,

and you haven't

used one in months.

-Oh, Martha, how could you?

Stop the auction!

-I bid $..

-I bid $..

-$..

[barking]

-See, you can even

call dogs with it.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Just

a minute, stop the auction.

Dennis, that's my bird caller.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

Mrs. Wilson gave it to us.

-Well, that makes no difference.

Mrs. Wilson doesn't

know that I--

-I bid $..

-Oh, for Heaven sakes.

Uh, $..

-$..

-$..

-$..

-$..

-$..

[little boy crying]

-Oh, all right, little boy.

Here's a dime.

-$..

-Now Tommy, you stop that.

All right, Dennis.

Here's your $..

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilson.

[squeaking]

-And sold to good old

Mr. Wilson for $..

[dong]

-Oh!

[laughter]

-Any trouble, Mr. Wilson?

-Uh, oh no, Mitchell.

Everything is under control.

[squeaking]

-Next is this keen

muscle-building machine.

-Hahaha.

That's my old rowing machine.

[squeaking]

[ruff]

[squeaking]

-Oh, for Heaven sakes.

Where did you come from?

Get off my sport coat, darn you.

[ruff]

-Go away!

Go on, go on, go on!

This is for calling birds,

not dogs, crazy mutt!

-Just look what it did

for my poor old dad.

He used to be nothing

but skin and bones.

-Dennis.

-Of course, you can't tell

nothing with clothes on.

Hey, Dad, would you take your--

-I would not.

-How about rolling

up you sleeves?

-Dennis,I think the auction's

gone on long enough now.

It's getting on

towards dinnertime.

-OK, Dad.

Kids, the auction's over.

[dong]

-Boy, we must've

collected over $..

-Well, that's fine.

Son, I guess you're

learning that money

doesn't grow on trees.

-I sure am, Dad.

-I'm glad to see

you boys finally got

into a profitable

business venture.

-Heck, this is nothing.

Wait until we sell the stuff

in the garage to a junk man.

-What stuff in the garage?

-Move the bed, Tommy.

-I don't believe it.

-We're good

collectors, huh, Dad?

-Well, you certainly are.

-Maybe even the best

darn junk collectors

in the whole world, huh, Dad?

-Or maybe even in

the whole city.

-I-- I've never seen

anything like it.

-Do you really think all

that trash is worth anything?

-Alice, there's enough junk out

there to start two junkyards.

Ought to be worth a

few dollars anyway.

-Well, those boys have

worked so hard collecting it.

I'm glad they'll be getting

something for their labors.

-The important

thing about today,

Honey, is that

Dennis has finally

learned how hard

money is to come by.

-Well, then you're

glad you didn't

get him the $.

in the first place

and save all this trouble?

-You bet I am.

-Dennis has learned a lot.

In fact, he's

learned so much, I've

decided to give him a

$. a week allowance.

-Oh, good.

-Well, they ought to

be here pretty soon.

They said they'd

come right over.

-How did you happen to

call two junk dealers?

[chuckle]

-So they'd bid

against each other.

That way the boys

get the best price.

-Mr. Mitchell.

Hey, Mr. Mitchell!

-My public is calling.

-They're here, Mr. Mitchell.

-Good, Tom.

[chuckle]

-Pretty good junk, huh?

I bet you don't see junk

like this every day.

Hey, Mr.--

HENRY MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN):

Dennis, don't bother the man.

My name is Mitchell.

-How long you been

collecting this stuff,

since the turn of the century?

-Three hours.

-Three hours?

-See, Tommy, I told you

we were the best darn junk

collectors in the whole world.

-Uh, that car go along

with the other junk?

-Uh, it does not.

-Hi, Mom.

I bet ya we make

a million dollars.

-Maybe two million.

-Or three million.

-I figure about $.

-$?

Jeepers, Tommy.

It's even better

than we thought.

-I'll handle it for,

uh, oh, say $.

-$.

-$.

-It's all yours, Joe.

-$?

Did ya hear that, Tommy?

-I always thought $

was less than $.

-I'm a little confused.

Uh,

[clearing throat]

-We're interested

in the highest bid.

-Mister, we aren't buying

this stuff from you.

Our price is what we'll

charge for hauling it away.

-Charge us?

-Hey, trash like this is of

no use to us or anybody else.

It's a drug on the market.

-Can't even melt it down.

-But $?

-All right.

You might as well haul it away.

-Good.

-Well, Professor?

-$ all because I wouldn't give

Dennis a quarter in the first

place.

-Dad, you can have my half

of our $. if it'll help.

-Oh, thank you, Son.

But you keep it.

You worked hard for it.

-I should say he did.

-Boy, just wait until tomorrow.

I bet I think of a hundred

ways to make money.

-Uh, well that won't-- that

won't be necessary, Dennis.

Uh, your mother and I

have talked this over.

And-- and we've

decided that we're

going to give you a

$. a week allowance.

-Oh, boy!

-Starting right now.

-Gee, thanks!

We sure learned a

lot today about money

not growing on tress, didn't we?

Huh, Dad?

[laughing]

We sure did.

[laughing]

[theme music]