02x08 - Henry and Togetherness

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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02x08 - Henry and Togetherness

Post by bunniefuu »

-Hi, Mom.

-Hello, dear.

-Dad, when do you smoke cigars?

-Well, when I smoke

them, I usually

smoke them after dinner.

-Is that the best time?

-I think so.

-OK, that's when

I'll smoke mine.

Let's eat.

-What?

-Where did you get that?

-Over at the McDonalds.

-I don't care if Mrs.

McDonald did have her baby,

Mr. McDonald shouldn't

give him a cigar.

-He didn't give it to me.

Mrs. McDonald had triplets,

and he went to bed.

Joey's passing them out for him.

[theme music]

[doorbell]

-Don't ask Mr. Wilson how many

fish he caught down at the lake

this morning, Tommy.

-Why not?

-Because he didn't catch any

again, and that's why we gotta

cheer him up.

-Oh, good gravy,

it starts again.

What do you want, boys?

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

You know what I'm gonna do?

-No, I don't know,

and I don't care,

and I'd be just as happy

if you didn't tell me.

-I'm going to sleep at

Tommy's house tonight.

Wow, am I excited.

-Oh, good.

-We're gonna sleep on the floor.

-Aha.

-There's gonna be eight of us.

-Eight?

Ugh.

-We're gonna tell ghost stories.

-And drink root beer.

So you wanna come over?

-No, I don't.

Now, will you boys please go

away and stop bothering me?

-I guess ghost

stories scare him.

-Mr. Wilson?

Heck, no.

Nothing scares Mr. Wilson.

-Then why'd he turn us down?

-Well, probably

Mrs. Wilson won't

let him stay out all night,

and he didn't want us to know.

-Let's ask him if he

can stay 'til o'clock.

-OK.

Anybody ought to be able

to stay 'til o'clock.

-Unless they're being

punished for something.

-All right, what now?

-You wanna come

over 'til o'clock?

-No.

-My dad can walk you home.

-Great Scott!

-Wanna go over to my

house and get a cookie?

-Sure.

Won't your mom care?

-Not unless she's

in the kitchen.

Come on.

-Well, that just about does it.

-Oh, the house looks

really nice, honey.

-Yes, thanks to you.

No thanks to Dennis.

-Oh, he didn't mean to

tip over that planter.

-Oh, I know, but it didn't

help the carpet any.

-Well, it's all cleaned up now,

and the house looks immaculate.

-Oh, I just hope we

can keep it this way

until the company comes.

[crash]

-Jeepers!

-I'm going to find out.

Oh, Henry, it's the cookie jar.

-I know who's

responsible for that.

Dennis?

Dennis?

Dennis?

-Were you calling me, Dad?

-You know very well

I was calling you.

-I'll bet you want to

ask me about that old,

worn out cookie jar, huh, Dad.

-I certainly do, and

it wasn't worn out.

-How did it happen?

-You mean, uh, how did

it get itself broken?

-I mean, how did you break it?

-Well, uh, I guess

it happened kind

of like when me and you

were playing catch, Dad.

You know how when you throw

me the ball and I drop it,

you laugh and laugh and then

you call me butterfingers?

-Don't tell me you were playing

catch with the cookie jar.

-Heck, no.

I was just getting it off

the shelf, and I dropped it.

I was just an old butterfingers.

Remember how you used

to laugh and laugh

when you'd call

me butterfingers?

-Uh, this isn't quite

the same thing, Dennis.

Uh, I realize that

accidents can happen,

but you've got to

be more careful.

-Especially after

your father just

washed and waxed the

kitchen floor for me.

-Oh, me and Tommy will

clean it up for you, Mom.

-Never mind, Dennis.

I'll clean it up myself.

But I warn you-- one

more mess like this,

and you can forget about staying

at Tommy's house tonight.

-But jeepers, Mom, I've

been looking forward to it

for a week.

-Well then, for the

rest of the day,

you'd better be very careful

that nothing else happens

like that planter

or this cookie jar.

-Oh, I'll be plenty

careful from now on, boy.

Have you got the

company towels out, Mom?

-Yes, I have.

-Well, I won't use them.

In fact, I won't use any towel.

-What?

-I'm going to keep

the bathroom clean.

I won't even wash.

-He's making a great

personal sacrifice.

-Oh, yes, and saving soap too.

-You're darn right.

Hey, Dad, you wanna go out

in front and play some catch?

-Not now, son.

I'm going in to take a little

rest, then I'm going out

and play some golf.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Aw, jeepers.

-Your father deserves the

afternoon off, Dennis.

He's been working

hard all morning.

You and Tommy go out and play.

-OK, Mom, we'll go

get my baseball stuff.

Come on, Tommy.

-Dennis, be sure to

keep your room neat.

That's where the

guests are going

to hang their

things this evening.

-OK, Mom.

-Are you sure you won't need me

anymore this afternoon, honey?

-Even if I did, I wouldn't

let you stay home.

You've done enough.

-You know, I must say

I'm looking forward

to getting out on the

golf course again.

It's been over two months.

-I know.

You keep planning to go, but

you always change your mind.

-Jeepers, I've never seen

it this clean before.

-Me neither.

It kinda makes feel like

I'm in Mom and Dad's room.

-How long are you gonna

have to keep it this way?

-Just 'til tomorrow.

The party'll be over, and

I'll be back from your house.

-Hey, how about letting

me have first steps once?

-Jeepers, Tommy, I'm

trying to help you.

Now, if you watch me,

you'll learn how to swing.

Whoops!

-Hey, look what happened.

You're making a mess.

-Catch the water in

your hands, Tommy!

-When your mom finds out

you made another mess,

you won't be able to

stay at my house tonight.

-I haven't made a mess so far.

-You're going to.

Those shoes won't hold much.

-You catch the water in

my shoe while I go down

and get some pots and pans.

-Well, hurry up.

I think it's starting

to come faster.

-Hi, Mom.

-Hi, Dennis.

Where are your shoes?

-Oh, did you notice I'm

not wearing my shoes, Mom?

-Yes, I did.

Where are they?

-Up in my room.

-Well, be sure to put them

on before you go outdoors.

-OK, Mom.

Hey look, Mom,

just like a helmet.

OK if I take one for

me and one for Tommy?

-No, Dennis, not today.

-But jeepers, Mom, I--

-Dennis, I need those things.

I have a lot to prepare

for the party tonight.

-OK, I'll find something else.

-Oh, Dennis, I want you to

take this egg beater back over

to Mrs. Wilson.

-You mean, like later, Mom?

-I mean, like right now.

-Well, maybe Dad

would like to do it.

Then, he can talk to

Mr. Wilson for a while.

-Your father is

in the living room

taking a rest before

his golf game.

Now, scoot.

-Jeepers.

-And be sure to

put on your shoes.

-Jeepers, Tommy, I gotta go over

to Mr. Wilson's for a minute.

-Well, hurry up.

I can hardly handle this.

-I'll be as fast as I can.

-You shouldn't leave the

fishhook on your line

here in the house, George.

It could hook onto something.

-Well, I'm just going to

take it off now, Martha.

I didn't bother to

remove it this morning,

because I was

anxious to get home

to your very fine breakfast.

[doorbell]

-Oh, I hope that's the

store delivering my new hat.

I want to wear it tonight.

-Over to the Mitchells?

But they're just next door.

-Well, you don't want me

catching a head cold, do you?

Besides, the clerk

said in a Homburg

I look just like Anthony Eden.

No, uh-uh.

You can't come in now, Dennis.

-I don't want to come in.

Mom asked me to return

this to Mrs. Wilson.

Goodbye.

-Dennis.

-Oh, Martha.

-I gotta go, Mrs. Wilson.

-I just want you to take

this book to your father.

-He hasn't got time to

read today, Mrs. Wilson.

He's gonna play golf.

-Dennis, I just want

to return it to him.

-Well, OK.

-Dennis, what in the world have

you got those things on for?

-Because my mom told me not

to come over here barefoot.

-Yes, but why-- oh, never mind.

-Here you are, dear.

Tell your father I enjoyed it

very much and thank him for me.

-You're welcome, Mrs. Wilson.

Bye.

-Goodbye, dear.

-Ah, ah, ah.

Be careful, Dennis.

-Goodbye, Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, great Scott!

He's got it caught in his pants!

Dennis!

Dennis, wait!

Dennis, be careful.

That's a fishhook.

-I got it.

Hey, Mom, where'd you

get that swell bowl?

-That's a punchbowl, dear.

I borrowed that

from Miss Cathcart.

It's very old.

It used to belong

to her grandmother.

-Does it leak?

-Of course not.

As a matter of fact,

it's very valuable.

-Do you want me to

keep it upstairs

so nothing will happen to it?

-No, Dennis.

I'm going to serve punch

from right here on the table.

-You know, that sure

would look nice.

-Would look nice?

-If it wasn't right in the

middle of those two vases

that don't match it.

-You know, Dennis, you're right.

You're becoming a very

discerning young man.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Thanks, Mom.

-Boy, I thought

you'd never get here.

-Me too.

You're doing a swell job, Tommy.

-I know it.

Hey, are we going to have to

keep this up all afternoon?

-Just 'til Dad goes

to play golf and I

figure how to get

Mom out of the house.

-What good will that do?

-Then, we can put the water

and the fish into the bathtub.

-Your mom would say that

was a mess, I bet you.

-Well, we'd just

leave them there

'til we figure some

way to fix the t*nk.

Now, if anybody was fixing

the street around here,

maybe we could get some tar.

-Well, I'll tell you

one thing, Martha.

I don't intend to let

Mitchell go golfing and leave

Dennis on my hands.

-George Wilson, you've

been tricking Mitchell

out of playing golf for

the last two months.

-Well, I know, and I

intend to do it again.

After all, Dennis

is Mitchell's child.

He can just stay home and

take the consequences.

-Oh, George.

-You know what I

feel like, Tommy?

I feel like we're

that kid in Holland

that stuck his

finger in the dike.

-I never could figure out

why he didn't use a cork.

-Yeah, I'll bet his

finger got all puckered.

[horn honks]

-Oh, boy, there's that

dumb old Margaret again.

Go on home, Margaret!

-I'll wait for you,

Dennis Mitchell!

-She's always wanting

to play house.

-I know it.

Every time she comes

over to my house,

I squirt her with the hose.

-You shouldn't do that, Tommy.

Your mother doesn't like

you playing with a hose.

[doorbell]

-Oh, hello, Mr. Wilson.

-Mitchell.

-Won't you come in?

-Oh.

Uh, can I interest you in a

game of chess this afternoon?

-Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

I've got a golf date.

Do you know I haven't

played in over two months?

-Oh, really?

-Something always

seems to come up.

-Well, now, you

shouldn't let it.

I mean, you work

hard during the week.

You deserve a little relaxation.

All work and no play, you know.

-Well, I'm getting

out there today,

and nothing's gonna stop me.

-That's the spirit.

Uh, taking Dennis along

as caddy, I suppose?

-Oh, no.

He's not big enough.

-Aw, now that's too bad.

But then, I suppose you

see Dennis in the evenings

during the week.

-Oh, yes, of course.

We have lots of fun together.

-Of course you do.

Well, it's just going

to be great out there

on that golf course

today, Mitchell.

-It sure is.

-It's good exercise.

You'll enjoy the green grass,

the trees, the fresh air,

the good fellowship.

-Yup.

-You know, my dad

never played golf.

He and I used to go to

the park on Saturdays,

just the two of us.

Together.

Pals.

We used to sail my

little boat on the pond,

feed the pigeons

and the squirrels,

ride the merry-go-round,

the roller

coaster, the miniature train.

-It sounds like fun.

-Oh, well, what we

did wasn't important.

What counted was being with Dad.

Oh, that means so much to a boy.

-Yes, I guess it does.

-Yes.

After I was grown,

Dad always used

to say that he

was glad that he'd

shared my growing years with me.

My years of discovery,

he used to call them.

Dad used to say that

a childhood was short.

It was precious.

And once it was gone,

it was gone forever.

Oh, dear old Dad, the

kindest, most unselfish man

that ever lived.

Well, I won't keep

you, Mitchell.

I know you're just dying to

get out there and tee off.

-I'm just going up

and change my clothes.

-That's that spirit.

You know, you need a

little variety, a chance

to get away from

the cares and, uh,

responsibilities of your family.

You have a good game.

-You know, I think

I'll stay home.

-Oh, really?

-I can get in a game some

morning before breakfast.

-Well, now, that's--

that's up to you, Mitchell.

Up to you.

I'll see you later.

-See you tonight, Mr. Wilson.

Dennis.

-Yes, Dad?

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): I've

decided not to play golf.

How about a game of catch?

-Take it.

Jeepers, Dad, wouldn't

you rather play golf?

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Oh, I'd

rather spend the day with you.

Come on down.

-I can't just this minute, Dad.

HENRY (OFFSCREEN):

OK, I'll come up.

-Never mind, Dad, I'm coming.

-Did I hear you right?

-You did.

I'm cancelling my golf date.

Mr. Wilson didn't

realize it, but he's

made me see that

I'm not spending

enough time with my son.

-Yeah, Dad?

-Ha!

Butterfingers!

-Yeah.

Do you want to stop now, Dad?

Is your arm getting tired?

-Not a bit.

Let's keep going.

-OK, here's a hard one.

Oops.

Sorry, Dad.

-That's OK.

I'll go get it.

-Here comes Mitchell with

his big feet again tramping

through my flower bed.

-He doesn't step on

the flowers, George.

Besides, it's your own fault.

He wouldn't be playing

catch with Dennis

if you hadn't talked him

out of his golf game.

-Hmph.

Well, with that family, I

lose no matter what I do.

You know, Martha,

there's one thing

I can't understand-- why Dennis

heads for the house every time

Mitchell comes after the ball.

-How are you doing, Tommy?

-You've gotta take

over for a while.

My arms are tired.

-Oh, I wish Dad's were.

He never gets tired.

He's got arms like an elephant.

HENRY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis!

Dennis!

Come on out, butterfingers.

Oh, Margaret, that's a beauty.

-Hi, Mr. Mitchell.

Is Dennis home?

-Yes, we've been playing catch.

-Can I play too?

-Well, Margaret, baseball is a--

-Nobody's wanted to

play with me all day.

-Of course you can

play with us, Margaret.

Come on.

We'll go in and see

what's holding Dennis up.

-OK.

And maybe afterwards,

he'll play house with me.

-Dennis, hurry up!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

I'll be right down, Dad.

-Hi, Margaret.

Come on in and tell me what

you think of my centerpiece.

-Gee, it's pretty,

Mrs. Mitchell.

-It's a lovely

arrangement, honey.

-Oh, just one of

my minor talents.

-We women have to know how

to do all kinds of things,

don't we, Mrs. Mitchell.

-We certainly do, Margaret.

-Yesterday, I learned

how to separate eggs.

-Well, good for you.

-Are you having fun, dear?

-Well, uh, to tell you the

truth, my arm is k*lling me.

But that's not important.

The important thing is that I'm

spending the day with my son,

sharing in all of

his activities.

-Sorry I kept you waiting, Dad.

Hey, what's she doing here?

-Dennis, that's no way

to talk to Margaret.

-You apologize, son.

-OK, I apologize.

But what are you doing

here anyway, Margaret?

-Dennis!

-That's OK, Mrs. Mitchell.

That's the way men are.

I guess I'll just go home

and separate some more eggs.

-Hey, Margaret, is that

bubblegum you're chewing?

-Sure, two pieces.

-You got any extra?

-No.

-Hey, Margaret, have you

ever seen my guppies?

-No.

-They've got babies.

-Babies?

-Fish babies.

-You better show them to me.

-I'll be back in a minute, Dad.

You know, Margaret,

you're a swell little kid.

-I'm a girl.

-Oh, that's OK.

I like you anyway.

Listen, Margaret, give it to me.

-I will not.

It's not sanitary.

-I don't want to chew it.

I want to fix the t*nk.

-If he makes a mess, he won't

be able to stay at my house

tonight.

-What'll you give me?

-Jeepers, I'll give

you my pea sh**t.

-That's not sanitary either.

-All right, what do you want?

-I want you to

play house with me.

-OK.

Someday, I'll play

house with you.

Give me the gum.

-It's got to be tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?

Jeepers.

-All day.

-All day?

-I'll fix lunch.

-Tommy, I just don't think

I'm coming over tonight.

-My mom baked a cake.

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

-Make up your mind.

-All right, gimme the gum.

I'll play house with you.

-You ruined your life, and it

may not even stop the leak.

-It's gotta work.

-It works!

-Yeah, isn't that swell?

And I didn't make a mess.

-Now, you can come over tonight.

-Sure.

And I've got a swell

ghost story to tell.

It's about a black

cat with red eyes.

What are you standing

there for, Margaret?

-I don't think it's gonna hold.

-Sure it'll hold.

Of course, it's gonna hold.

Bubblegum's tough.

It'll hold anything.

Don't you think so, Tommy?

Mom, I'm ready to go now.

-Oh, Dennis.

You didn't mess up your

room, did you, dear?

-Heck, no.

I checked it just

a little while ago.

It's perfect.

-Oh, fine.

Come on in and say good

night to the guests.

-Have a good time, son.

-I will, Dad.

[doorbell]

-The Wilsons.

Come on in.

-Good evening, Alice.

-Good evening.

Let me take your

things, Mrs. Wilson.

-Thank you, Henry.

-Mr. Wilson?

-Well, let's not rush it.

-George is wearing his new hat.

-Oh!

Oh, it's very

becoming, Mr. Wilson.

-It certainly is.

-But you forgot to

turn down the brim.

-Well, you don't turn down

the brim on a Homburg, Dennis.

-Is it supposed to have

that dent in the top?

-Well, of course.

-Why, I thought it was

supposed to look like a derby.

-Great Scott.

-Do you want me to

take the things up

to my room for you, Dad?

-Well, that would

be very nice, son.

-No, if you don't mind,

I'll take them up myself.

No offense, Mitchell, but

this is a brand-new hat,

and I don't want

anything to happen to it.

-It's almost o'clock, Dennis.

-Oh, I better hurry, or

they'll eat all the cake.

Oh, Mr. Wilson, I won't

see you 'til tomorrow.

So good night.

-Oh, good night, Dennis.

-Good night, dear.

-Good night, son.

-Good night, Mom.

Night, Dad.

-I can now look forward to

a very pleasant evening.

-It's Dennis' room, Mr. Wilson.

-Now, what in the world?

Great Scott!

Oh, all over their floor.

Oh, my new hat!

Martha!

Martha!

Martha!

Martha!

Oh!

[theme music]
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