lotion sure smells good!
-Thank you, Dennis.
Wait a minute-- I didn't
use any this morning.
-I know.
I smelled it up in the bathroom.
-What's the dustpan for?
-Well, gee, dad-- we
wouldn't want good old mom
to step on all
that broken glass.
[theme music]
-Shh!
Gotta keep watchin'
all the time, Joey.
Africa's full of lions and
tigers-- fierce giraffes.
Don't be scared,
Joey, but a native
is watching us from
behind that tree.
Hello there, native!
Oomba, oomba, oomba!
-Oomba, oomba, oomba.
-He's friendly I'll
ask him if he's
seen the nest of the
Great White Eagle.
Oomba, oomba, oomba?
-Oomba, oomba, oomba.
-He says it's out there
by the water hole.
We'll sneak up on him.
Now, we gotta sh**t fast,
so get your sling sh*t out.
Shh!
Don't make any noise.
If that old eagle hears us
comin', he'll fly down and bite
us.
Load up and take aim.
He's due any second.
And this time, we've
got to get him.
[cuckoo]
-There goes the fastest
bird in the jungle, Joey.
We won't see that old
eagle again for an hour.
-One o'clock, Joey.
Time for you to go home.
-But he can't go home, mom!
We're playing something
very important.
-Oh, I'm sure you are, dear.
But Joey's mother wants
to take him downtown
and buy him some new shoes.
-You don't need new
shoes, do ya, Joey?
See, mom?
So it's OK.
Can he stay?
-No, he can't.
His mommy said he had to
be home by one o'clock.
Come on, Joey.
-But what'll I do?
-Well, why don't you go out and
find someone else to play with?
-I'll look.
But i probably
won't find anybody.
-Ah.
Oh, boy.
I hope this doesn't develop
into one of those days.
-What's a 'those' day?
-That's a day when
Dennis has nothing to do.
The last time it happened,
he oiled all the hinges
in the house.
Remember?
-Oh, yeah!
With peanut butter!
Ooh, you could smell
it all over the house.
-Well, I guess I'd
better get back
to making sandwiches
for the bridge club.
Oh, by the way--
I thought you were
going to fix the
bread board for me.
-Oh, I was, honey.
But I-I went to get the can of
wood cement, and it was empty.
I would have sworn it
was a new can, too.
-Well, you'd better
get another can.
Dennis probably got into it.
-The only thing Dennis
doesn't get into
is his bed when
it's his bedtime.
-Dennis, we're not deaf in here.
One ring is enough.
I was!
doing, "Shave and a
Haircut, Six Bits."
-Yes, I know you were.
Don't do it again.
-Wanna come out and play?
-No, I don't.
Go play with your friends.
-Nobody's home.
I haven't anything to do.
-Well, uh, go home and
play with your father.
-He's gonna play golf.
-Well, I'm sorry,
Dennis, but Mrs. Wilson
wants me to wash the windows.
And then I'm going bowling.
Now, good-bye.
[doorbell]
-I said, good-bye.
-Does Mrs. Wilson wanna
come out and play?
-No!
That kid drives me crazy!
-Oh, forget about little Dennis.
Think about your
bowling tournament.
-I am.
I'm going to lose.
-Well, a few minutes ago, you
said you were going to win.
-Well, I've changed my mind.
My arm is in the best
shape of my bowling career,
and my average is at
a new, all time high.
But I'm going to lose.
-Well, why do you say that?
-Well, Martha, this
may sound crazy,
but I've had a premonition.
It came to me when Dennis said,
'I haven't anything to do.'
-Hey, dad?
Why don't me and you
go out on the patio
and do some putting wile
you're waiting for you ride?
-OK, son.
I think that's a keen idea.
-Me, too!
I think that's a--
[honking]
-Oh, I'm sorry, son.
That's my ride.
-OK.
-We'll practice later, son.
Bye, honey!
-Bye!
Good luck!
-Bye, son.
[sighs]
-Tell me about
grandpa's letter again.
-Well, he said he was
getting over his cold,
and, um, well, let's see.
Tell Dennis that I walked
by the pond yesterday,
and his raft was still floating.
Some boys were using
it to get cattails.
-That was a swell raft.
-I certainly do
miss little Dennis.
Tell him I had the sofa
cleaned, and the stain came out.
Love, Grandpa.
-Is that all about me?
-That's all.
-What'll I do now?
-Well, why don't you
run outside and play?
-There's nobody to play with.
This is the worst Saturday
I can ever remember.
Nothing to do.
Everybody else has
something to do.
Eric Randall's
getting vaccinated.
Joey's getting new shoes.
You're playing bridge.
Daddy's playing golf.
Mr. Wilson's going bowling.
Mrs. Wilson let me play with
his bowling ball yesterday.
They're no fun.
I could hardly lift it.
I'm probably the only
kid in the whole world
that has nothing to do.
-Poor Dennis.
-Poor Dennis!
-Nothing to do.
-Nothing to do!
-I think the Wilsons
have their sprinkler on.
-What?
-Why don't you put
on your swim trunks
and go over and ask Mrs. Wilson
if you can run through it?
-Say, that's a good idea!
And maybe before Mr.
Wilson goes bowling,
he'll have time enough to
run through it with me!
-Oh, no!
I wouldn't count
on that, Dennis!
And don't you bother Mr. Wilson.
You know he gets
upset sometimes.
-Good old Mr. Wilson is
one of my best friends!
And I wouldn't do
anything to upset him!
[laughing]
-Hi, Mr. Wilson!
-He's still out there!
-He isn't hurting
anything, George.
-He-he's taken the
sprinkler off the hose.
-Well, the lawn's
still getting water.
-I know, but I'm nervous enough
about this bowling tournament,
and he just makes it worse!
[telephone ringing]
-Hello?
-George, this is Foster.
How's the world's worst bowler?
-Well, how would I know?
The world's worst bowler
wears a police uniform.
-Well, we'll settle
that this afternoon.
Want me to pick
you up around
-OK.
Ah, just don't forget
to bring that trophy.
This year, you're
going to lose it!
Bye!
Oh, boy, am I lying.
Martha, I-I still
have that premonition.
-Oh, now don't worry, dear.
Of course you're going to win.
-Yeah?
I hope you're right.
[splattering]
Dennis!
What do you think you're doing?
-I washed your window for you!
Do you want me to
do another one?
MALE SPEAKER
-Boy, am I glad to see you!
You're my best friend!
You know that?
Well, you are!
Boy, now we're
gonna have some fun!
Wanna play cowboy?
I'll be Jesse James!
-No, thanks.
-Where you goin'?
-My grandpa's house!
-Oh, I don't like to
play with you, anyway.
And you're not my
best friend anymore!
Can I come with ya?
Can I?
I'm gonna give good ol'
mom just one more chance.
-Oh mom!
I'm home!
-I'm in here, Dennis.
-Poor Grandpa.
-What?
-Poor Grandpa, way out there
in the country with a bad cold,
and he hasn't seen me
for a long, long, time.
-Well, I'm sure he misses
you very much, dear.
-Well, then why don't we just
say phooey to that old bridge
game and go to Grandpa's house
right now and cheer him up?
-Well, Dennis, you know
we can't possibly do that.
He lives much too far away.
And then we'd have to take
a bag and stay overnight.
And that would leave your
father here all alone.
Now, you wouldn't
want that, would you?
-Sure!
He'd like it!
He's always saying, "Can we
please have a little peace
and quiet around here?"
With you and me
away, he'd get it!
-I'm sorry, dear.
Really, I am.
Why don't you go upstairs and
sail your boat in the bathtub.
GLADYS (OFFSCREEN):
Yoo hoo, Alice?
-Coming, Gladys!
Come on.
You remember Mrs. Armstrong.
Come say hello to her.
-Oh, no!
She kisses!
-Hi, Alice!
-Hello, Gladys.
-How are you?
-Fine.
-How's the family?
-Oh, we're all fine, except
that Dennis is upstairs
being s little
unhappy at the moment.
-Oh, well is there, uh, anything
I can do to-to cheer him up?
-No, no, no, I don't think so.
You see, he's-he's fretting
because I wouldn't pack a bag
and take him to his grandpa's.
-Hey, kid!
You lost?
-No, sir!
I only get lost in
department stores!
-Where you going?
-I'm walking to my grandpa's.
He's lonesome.
Where are you goin'?
-Well, not to our grandpa's.
Where's your grandpa live?
-Just outside Emerson City.
-You're going the wrong way.
-Gee, it's lucky you told me.
I'll turn around.
-Wait a minute!
You know it's miles?
How do you expect
to walk that far?
You'd better get in the car.
-You gonna take me
to my grandpa's?
-I think we better
take you home.
Where do you live?
-What if I told you I live
just outside Emerson City?
-It wouldn't work.
What's your name?
-Jesse James.
-Oh, I see.
I'll show you how this
works-- psychology.
You know, we could have
a swell g*ng together.
-Really?
-Uh-huh.
Now, you'll We Jesse James, see?
-OK.
-And I'll be the sheriff
that captures you.
-Hey!
I captured you instead!
-Now look here!
-Take it easy, Oscar.
Psychology, remember?
Hmm.
You know, I have a little boy
at home just about your age.
Where was he trying to get to?
-No, he's mine.
I'm his daddy.
And do you know
what his name is?
It's Freddie.
-Freddie?
I used to have a
rabbit named Freddie.
It's a pretty good name.
-Well, sure.
What's your name?
-Jesse James.
-OK, OK!
Say, how would you like
to take a ride down
to the police station?
-Why don't we plan
it someday when
I'm not going to my grandpa's?
-Well, there might be an
ice cream cone down there.
-Really?
-And I might even run the
siren for you a little bit.
-Wow!
I've never heard a
siren from the inside!
[siren]
-Where are the ice cream cones?
-Well, who are you?
-All right, kid!
Now gimme back my hat!
-And I want my badge!
-Hey, hold it.
Hold it.
What's the matter
with you two, shoutin'
at a little kid like this?
-Yeah, what's the matter?
-Sarge, this kid
is hard to handle.
-What did you bring him in for?
-Ice cream cones.
-Sarge, he was starting
out on a mile walk.
We just wanted to make
sure he didn't get lost.
-And he won't tell us his name!
-Well, I imagine
he'll talk to me.
-Watch yourself, Sarge.
-This kid is greased lightning!
-Look, I've been on
the force years.
I've handled more runaway
little boys than you
two have given out
parking tickets.
Now, aheh, watch this.
Maybe you can learn something.
-OK.
We warned ya.
-Hello, there!
-Hi!
-Running away, huh?
-No, sir.
I was going to my grandpa's
just outside Emerson City.
-Oh, and that's when these two
nice officers picked you up
when you got lost, eh?
-I wasn't lost.
-How would you like for
us to take you home?
-No, I don't so.
-What's your name?
-Jesse James.
-Oh, right out of
the wild west, huh?
-Sure.
-How would you like
to play a little game?
-All eight.
-Now, you be Jesse James, huh?
-OK!
-You know who I'll be?
-Who?
-Don't say it, Sarge.
-I'll be the sheriff!
-There!
Gladys, would you
mind carrying this in,
and I'll bring the
coffee and cups.
-Aren't you gonna give
little Dennis any cake?
-Oh, Gladys, the
times Dennis plays
quietly upstairs is so
few and far between,
I wouldn't disturb
him for anything.
If he wants something,
he'll let us know.
-Billy?
Bobby?
Peter?
Henry?
Jackie?
George?
Rumpelstiltskin?
-You're not even warm!
-Oh, I should have
been a plumber.
-Don't give up so easy!
If you guess mine,
I'll guess yours!
-Well, Mooney, wish me luck.
I'm off to win that
cup for the third time.
-Good luck, Chief!
-Gee!
You're the Chief of Police?
-I sure am.
And who are you?
-That's what we've been trying
to find out all afternoon.
-Oh.
A runaway, huh?
-Yeah, something like that.
-Well, make friends
with the boy.
Play with him.
He'll tell us his name.
-I been playing with him.
-He wouldn't let me play
with his handcuffs, though.
-Oh, come on now, Sergeant.
Let him have your handcuffs.
How could he hurt them?
-Yes, sir.
-Oh, boy!
OK if I handcuff
your ankles together?
-What?
You-you've got the key,
haven't you, Mooney?
-Yes sir, but I
don't think, uh--
-All right, go ahead, son.
Where was he found?
-Uh, the boys in Car
found him with his suitcase
on the corner of
th and Elm Street.
-Any identification
in the suitcase?
-Pair of pajamas, some
underwear, and a toothbrush.
-Now, let's see you chase me!
-Why, I-- oh!
I-I can't!
You've got me handcuffed.
-Sure, I have!
Anybody ever escape from them?
-Nope.
Not in years.
-Well, I guess you're
my prisoner, then.
-I guess I am, too.
And we're going to be good
friends, too, aren't we?
-Sure!
-You see?
This is the way to handle them.
Now, are you going to
unlock your friend?
-I haven't got the key.
-Give him the key, Mooney.
-Oops!
I dropped it!
-Yes, you get their confidence
and they'll tell you anything.
Won't you, little boy?
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Sure!
-You know, I've
always prided myself
on my ability to
handle children.
-Uh-huh.
-Now, what do you
want to tell me?
-I dropped the key to the
handcuffs down the grating.
-What?
Oh!
Can you see it, Sergeant?
-It's straight
down about feet.
-Oh, my-- now see
what you've done?
-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
I didn't mean to.
-Wait a minute, Chief.
I'll go get the master key.
-Yes, well hurry up, Sergeant.
I've got to pick up a friend
o mine, and I'm late already.
-What time is it?
-It's almost :.
-Gee, I guess I won't be able
to play with you anymore.
-What do you mean?
-Well, my mother's probably
through playing bridge.
And my dad's back from golf.
And good ol' Joey's back
from getting new shoes.
I'm going home and
play with them.
-Wait a minute!
How are you going to get home?
-I'm gonna walk!
It's only - / blocks.
Bye!
-I got it, Chief!
-Well, it's about time!
Get me out of these things!
-Here, hold the tool.
-Wha--?
-Where's the kid?
-Oh, I-I found out where he
lived and I sent him home.
Hurry up, Mooney!
I'll miss that tournament!
-Yes, sir, I'm hurrying!
-Well?
-Oh.
This is going to hand
you a real laugh, Chief.
-Yeah?
-Remember when I said the
handcuffs were years old?
Well, the master key only
unlocks the new handcuffs.
-Hand you a laugh, huh?
Well, Mooney, that laugh is
apt to land you back on a b*at!
Now have the maintenance man
get the key out of those pipes
right away!
-Today is Saturday--
he's got the weekend off.
-He's what?
[telephone ringing]
-Well, answer the phone!
Sergeant Mooney.
Just a second.
It's for you, Chief.
A Mr. Wilson.
-Oh.
Hello?
Yes, yes, I know I'm late.
And I'm apt to be
a whole lot later.
I probably won't
get there at all.
-W-w-what happened?
-Oh, some kid handcuffed
my ankles together.
-A-a-and lost the key?
Oh.
that's too bad.
I-- I guess I'll just have
to run along without you.
Well, you'll have a chance
at the trophy next year.
Uh, good-bye.
Yeow!
Hey!
Hey, Martha!
Martha!
Martha, come in here!
-For Heaven's sakes, what is it?
-Clean off the mantelpiece,
make room for the trophy.
The only person who
could possibly b*at me
won't be there!
-Oh!
-Isn't that wonderful?
Premonitions!
Phooey!
I'll see you later, honey!
-Good luck!
-Oh, thank you!
-Hi, honey!
How was the bridge game?
-Very exciting.
You talk about slams?
Gladys slammed everybody
in the neighborhood.
How was the golf game?
-Well, at least I
got some exercise.
-Oh?
-Hi, mom!
Oh, hi, dad!
Can I have some cake?
-Well, yes, you can.
After dinner.
-Dennis, did you use up
that can of wood cement
I had in the basement?
-Sure!
I found thee holes
I had to plug up.
[telephone ringing]
-Oh, I'll get it.
Next time, ask me first.
-Yes, sir.
-Well, young man.
What have you been doing
upstairs all this time?
-I haven't been upstairs!
I've been riding in a
police car with a siren,
and playing Jesse James
with the sergeant.
And for the most fun
of all, I handcuffed
the Chief of Police's
ankles together.
-Oh, Dennis, what
an imagination!
-No, I really did!
-That's the darnedest thing.
Wilson just called me
from the bowling alley.
I-I could hardly understand him.
-Well, dear, they're
very noisy places.
-No, it wasn't that.
He sounded like he was crying.
-Crying?
-Yeah, he said something
about a b-- wait a minute.
Dennis, what were the
three holes you plugged up?
-In Mr. Wilson's bowling ball.
I knew he couldn't win
with a ball full of holes.
[theme music]