01x26 - Alice's Birthday

[bunniefuu]

-Boy, I sure do
wish I could shave.

-You will one day.

-Really?

-Of course.

-Can I start today?

-No.

-Tomorrow?

-No.

-The next day?

-No.
-The next day?

-Dennis, no.

-Then when?

-Oh, when you get some whiskers.

-Will I have some
whiskers the next week?

-No.

-The next week?

-No.

-The next, next week?

-Dennis, no.

-Well when?

-Oh, about years.

-By that time I probably
won't even be interested.

[theme song]

-Tell Dennis I'll bring
him a present from Chicago.

-He'll be so
disappointed he didn't

get a chance to say good bye.

-I hate it--

-What on Earth?

-Dennis.

-Boy, it worked!

-Dennis, why on Earth did
you do a thing like that?

-It's a burglar alarm for
while Dad's away on his trip.

All I do is tie the string--

-I see.

But I don't think you have
to worry about burglars.

Besides, I'll only be gone
for two or three days.

-Yeah, but Mom gets
scared at night.

It'll be OK, Mom. 'Cause if
any crooks run into my burglar

alarm, I'll come downstairs
and hit them with something.

And you won't even
have to get up.

-That's very nice of you, dear.

But we'll talk about it later.

Right now your father
has to get to the office.

I thought he was
going on a trip?

-I am, son.

But I'll spend most of
the day in the office.

Then I'll take the
train right from there.

-You got a train that
goes from your office?

-Well, I'll let
your mother answer

that question after I'm gone.
[horn honks]

-Taxi's here, honey.

-Good bye.

-Bye, darling.

Bye son, you take good
care of your mother, now.

-I sure will, Dad.

-Good.

Gee, honey, I'd
give anything if I

could be here for your
birthday tomorrow.

-Oh, as I said before,
dear, don't worry about it.

These things can't be helped.

-Yeah, but you shouldn't
be alone on your birthday.

-And this darn trip
came up in such a hurry,

I didn't have a chance
to buy you a gift.

-You just take care of yourself.

That's the only gift I need.

-It is?

-Ah, honey, you know, I
almost forgot my overcoat.

-Oh, I'll get it.

-Son, I'll send your mother
some flowers from the office.

And you take this,
and-- and you go down

and buy her a little
present from you.

-Gee whiz, Dad,
that's only going

to be two presents for her.

-I know, but I'll bring
her a present from Chicago.

Now you see that she
has a nice birthday.

You know what I mean.

-Sure, Dad.

This'll be the neatest
birthday good ole Mom ever had.

-Good boy.

Thank you, darling.
[horn honks]

-I guess I'd better run.

-Bye, then.
-Bye, dear.

-Bye, dear.
-Bye, Dad.

-Good bye, dear.

-Ugh, see ya.

-There, I've got it.

There's your gum, Tommy.

-How much money is that?

-Well, this is the
dollar my Dad gave me,

and this is the dollar
my Grandpa sent me

for having the chicken pox.

And this nickel, and these
two pennies, I saved myself.

-Boy, that sure
is a lot of money.

-Yeah.

how many presents
do you think I could

buy my Mom with all
of this money, Tommy?

-You gonna spend it all on her?
-Yeah.

I wanna get a whole
bunch of presents,

on account of it's no
fun just opening one.

-What's your dad gonna get her?

-Flowers.

-Flowers are no
good for a present.

-I know, I was just
going to tell him,

but just then he had
to get in a taxi.

-Well how many presents
you gonna buy her, Dennis?

-I don't know.

Maybe .

-Boy, sure is
a lot of presents.

-Yeah.

-I bet you she wouldn't care
if you got a water p*stol

or something for you,
and presents for her.

-Yeah, well-- nope.

I'm gonna get
presents, all for her.

-Gee whiz, Dennis, how come?

-Well, maybe because I like her.

-Yeah, me too.

You think she'd like it if I got
her a candy bar for a present?

-Sure.

You got a nickel?
-Uh uh.

But I know where
there's a pop bottle.

-Come on, Tommy.

-(SINGING) When Johnny
comes marching home again.

True-la, True-la.

When Johnny comes marching
home again-- who's there?

-It's us, Mr. Wilson.

-My only hope is some day he'll
grow up and go away to college.

-What?

-Nothing.

Now, you may not watch me paint,
you may not help me paint,

you may not stir the paint
with a stick, and most of all,

you may not test the
paint to see if it's wet.

-Gee, why'd Mr.
Wilson say all that?

-Sometimes he answers your
stuff before you even ask him.

-Oh.

-All right boys, I'm busy.

Now what do you want?

-We want to ask you how
we can get to some place.

-Some place away from here?
-Uh-huh.

-Well fine, I'm all ears.

-Gee, no you're not Mr. Wilson.

-If you were all ears,
you couldn't smell stuff.

-Yeah.

-Heh, yes, well-- well
where'd you want to go?

-Well, tomorrow's
my mom's birthday.

And my Dad went on a trip.

-So Dennis is going to give her
the best birthday she ever had.

Boy.
-Hmm.

-But we don't know where
there's a good department

store so we can
buy the presents.

-Well, there are lots of them.

There's uh Dennison's, Lacy's.

-Yeah, except we're not
allowed to cross the street.

-Hmm.

Well that is a
problem, isn't it?

How about Finch's?

-Is that a good one?

-Well, actually
it's a drug store,

but they have all
kinds of gifts,

and you don't have to cross
any streets to get there.

Uh, I'll tell you
how to get there,

you just go right down to the
next corner, turned right,

go down another block,
turn right again.

-Gee, that sure sounds
a long ways off.

-Yeah.

My Mom cries if I get lost.

-And if I get lost, my Mom
won't have any birthday at all.

-All you do is turn two
corners, how in the world

could you possibly get lost?

-Real easy.

-It's up to you, Dennis.

Although it seems to me I've
seen you at Finch's many times

with your mother.

-Hey, is that the one with the
yellow front to it, Mr. Wilson?

-Yes, that's the one.

-Oh, sure.

I know how to get there.

All you do is climb
over Mr. Wilson's fence.

Then you go down the alley, then
you go through Margaret's yard.

-Yeah, and then you go
through that lady's yard

that has all them goofy cats.

-Yeah.

And then you go through
that man's driveway

that always yells at kids.

Then you go through
the vacant lot,

and that's where the store is.

Gee, thanks Mr. Wilson.

-Well, now that you've
simplified the trip,

you better get started.

-OK.

Oh, can Tommy have that pop
bottle that's in your garage?

-Oh, yes I suppose so.

-Gee, thanks Mr. Wilson.

-Mm-hm.

Oh uh, Dennis, when
you get to the store,

you ask for Mr.
Finch personally.

He's a friend of mine, and
I'm sure he'll see to it

you get your money's worth.

-Gee, thanks Mr. Wilson.

-It's all right.

-Hey guys, I got it.

-Oh, Tommy you ought to
wash that bottle out.

-Nah, it's OK, it's only
got a couple ants in it.

-Bye, Mr. Wilson.

-Good bye.
-Thanks.

-Williams, I don't think
I have to remind you

about this birthday sale.

Here comes trouble.

-Oh, aren't they cute?

-Two small boys alone,
without their mother,

at a drug store are not cute.

Get rid of them.

-Maybe they want
to buy something.

-They never want
to buy anything.

They come here for
the express purpose

of reading comics,
breaking toys, and putting

their sticky fingers
on the merchandise.

Don't touch that.

Do something about those
youngsters, Williams.

-I wouldn't touch the
dummy if I were you boys.

-Oh, we wouldn't have lady.

Only we thought her arm was
going to fall off pretty soon.

-It kinda swings
when people go by.

-It is a little loose.

It makes her look
alive, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

-Now, what can I do for you?

-Well, tomorrow's
my Mom's birthday.

And I want to get
about presents.

-My goodness.

-And Dennis has to buy
them all by himself,

'cause his Dad gypped her
by going away on a trip.

-I see.

-But we gotta get 'em from
a man named Mr. Finch,

'cause he's a friend
of Mr. Wilson's.

-Well Mr. Finch is
right over there.

Oh, and Dennis?

-Yes?

-If he's too busy, you
come right back here to me.

-OK.

Hey uh, Mr. Finch--

-You might as well know that
you can't take the comic books

to the soda fountain
unless you pay for them.

-I don't wanna look
at comics, Mr. I

wanna buy about
presents for my Mother.

-I don't care what-- ?

-Yes, sir.

-Have you got any money?

-I got so much
money, sometimes I

think my pocket's
going to bust loose.

-We got it out of
his piggy bank.

Dollar bills and everything.

-I see.

Well, exactly what have
you got in mind, my boy?

-I don't kind of know yet.

Can we look around?

-Of course.

-Hey Dennis, there's some
neat stuff over there.

-Boy, yeah.

-Uh, may I suggest, young
man, that you get rid

of that filthy bottle somewhere.

-OK, Mr.

-Holy bologna, what a
bunch of swell junk.

-Which one you gonna get
for your mom, Dennis?

-I don't know.

I think I'll buy her
a pair of swim fins.

And a wading pool.

-Boy, she'll sure like that.

-Your mother likes
the water, does she?

-Boy, I'll say.

She takes a bath every day.

-What else you gonna
get her, Dennis?

-I don't know.

-What's that sign say?

-Self-inflating life raft,
birthday sale special.

-Hey, do you think she'd like
a raft for floating around

in for when we go
up to the lake?

-Sure.

-Oh now, just a minute, you're
talking about a lot of money

there.

That-- that-- that
raft's rather expensive.

-But Mr. Wilson
said you'd help us

get whatever our
money was worth.

-Wilson?
George Wilson?

-Uh huh.
-Oh, well that's different.

He's a lodge brother of mine.

If Mr. Wilson sent
you over here,

I know everything's all right.

Now let me see.

Swim fins, Rubber
Dandy Wading pool.

[tapping sound]

-Oh good morning, Mrs. Pompton.

I'll see somebody waits
on you immediately.

-I'll be right back.

-This thing doesn't even
look like it would float.

-Gee, yeah.

Maybe you put air in
this thing like a tire.

-What's this?

Hey, it's moving.

-Yeah, look at it swell up.

-Now about the
inflatable rubber raft.

-I don't think we
want it anymore, Mr.

-Why not?

-It's getting too fat.

-Good heavens, somebody stop it.

-Maybe it would go down if
you stuck a pin in it, Mr.

-Keep your idiotic
ideas to yourself.

Williams' come here quick.

-(SINGING) Oh when he comes
marching home again, tra la,

de de ah.

Ya da-- who's there?

Oh.

-Hello, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh.

-Have you seen Dennis?

-Why, yes Alice.

Just a little while ago.

Uh, anything wrong?

-Oh no, no.

It's only that when things
too quiet around the house,

I automatically go
looking for him.

-Get me out of here, get me out
of here, get me out of here.

Let me out of here.

-Mr. Finch?

I think that man wants you.

-Why you!

-Well, heh, I
happen to know where

he is, and you
don't have to worry.

-Oh, well where is he?

-Oh, I'm afraid he
can't tell you that,

but let's just say,
at this very moment

he's doing something very
nice for somebody I know.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

Da da, dee dee.

Ya da da--

-Let me out of here.

Please let me out of here.

Williams' you get this
boy away from me or--

-Come on, boys.

-I hope you've got
insurance, buster.

-Don't you think we
oughta stay and help

Mr. Finch get that
man out of there?

-I think you'd both be
smarter to stay here.

By the way, you weren't
thinking of buying

that raft for your
mother, were you?

-Uh huh.

-Mother's don't like that
sort of thing, honey.

You stay here with
me, and we'll see

if we can find her something
she really will like.

-Oh!

Get them off, get them
off, get them off!

-Mrs. Pompton, what is it?

-Ants.

-Whose?

-Oh.

-What is it?

-Mrs. Pompton has ants.

-There, all gone.

-Uh.

Woo.

Is this your idea of a
practical joke, Mr. Finch?

-No, Mrs. Pompton, I--

-I am waiting for
your explanation.

-Mister?

-I'm busy.

This bottle must have left--

-I am a very highly
strung woman, Mr. Finch.

-I'm sure of that.

-I am also one of your
very best customers.

-Indeed you are.

-Mister?

-Can't you see that I'm busy?

What is it you want?

-That lady's arm
finally fell off.

-Hello, Mr. Wilson?

This is Alice Mitchell.

I hate to keep
bothering you, but I

wonder if you've
seen Dennis lately?

-Well I imagine he's still
doing that nice thing we

were discussing
a little earlier.

-Well I think I know what
you mean, Mr. Wilson.

But just in case you do see
him, would you send him home?

It's getting late.

-Oh, all right.

Oh, in fact I have to go to
the store for Mrs. Wilson,

so I'll keep my
eye open for him.

And uh, Alice?

-ALICE (OFF SCREEN): Yes?

-I don't think I'm
giving away any secrets

by saying a certain
mother I know

is due for a very
nice little surprise.

-Here you, Dennis.

I'm sure your mother will
like that lovely cologne.

And here's your change.

-How many more presents can I
buy for this much money, lady?

-Well, one little one maybe.

-Only one?

-Gee whiz.

A birthday's no good
with only two presents.

-I want my Mom to
get so many presents,

she'll be sore when she sees
how much of wrapping paper

she has to clean up.

-You must remember,
Dennis, other people

will be buying your mother
birthday presents, too.

-No they won't, because
nobody else knows about it.

Except Mr. Wilson.

-Boy, my Mom sure is gonna
have a dumb birthday.

-Hey Dennis, look.

-Hey, did he get his
head stuck in those two

little doors, lady?

-No.

He's advertising our birthday.

The store's birthday, that is.

-Advatizing?

-I think that's something
like a commercial, Tommy.

-Oh.

-What does the sign say?

-Don't forget Finch's birthday.

-What does that part say?

-We are years old.

-Why is he doing it?

-Well, he walks up and
down in front of the store,

and people see the sign, and
they know it's our birthday,

and they come in.

-Just because they
read the sign?

-That's right.

-I think I know how my Mom can
get more presents than she ever

got in her whole life.

Get my Mom a present.

Her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

Get my Mom a present, her
name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

[bell ringing]

-Give me the police.

-Get my Mom a present.

Her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

-I want to report a violation
of our child labor laws.

The address is Finch's
Drug Store on Main Street.

-Get my Mom a present,
her name is Mrs. Mit--

-Great Scott.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Dennis, what in the world
do you think you're doing?

-Advertising.

-Advertising?

Dennis, that's ridiculous.

-Are you connected
with this boy, sir?

-Boy, I'll say.

If it wasn't for
him, my Mom wouldn't

have any birthday at all.

-In other words, he's
your grandfather.

You ought to be ashamed.

-Madam, will you please
stay out of this.

Now Dennis, I--

-Well, we'll see
what the police have

to say about a
grandfather who indentures

his grandson to a drug store.

-Police?

-They'll be here any minute.

-Get my Mom a present.

Her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

-Some of your work, Mr. Finch?

-No, I don't
understand-- Wilson?

-Listen, Lawrence.

This woman has
called the police.

I don't think there--

-Don't try to pass the beck to
somebody else, George Wilson.

Did you or did you not send this
little blonde demon over here,

all day to punish me just
because I won $ . from you

playing poker.

-Poker?

-Now listen, Lawrence.

-Get my Mom a present.

Get it right here.

-You put him up to that.

-His own grandfather, too.

-Will you stay out of this?

-Oh, stop ringing
that stupid bell.

[police siren]

-Here's what I'm going to
do with you, George Wilson.

I'm going to get up at the
next meeting of the brotherhood

and expose you for what you are.

Now what?

-This is what I've been
trying to tell you, Lawrence.

-You who, officer,
right over here.

-Alice?

Alice?
-Henry!

-Hi, darling.

-Oh, what on Earth
are you doing home?

-Just as I was
leaving the office

I got a long distance call.

The man I was going to see
is coming here instead.

-Oh, darling, that's wonderful.

-Now we can all celebrate
your birthday together.

Where's Dennis?

-He's out planning a surprise.

-Oh.

For you.

-Oh, Henry.

You remembered how
I love yellow roses.

-[phone rings]

-Hello?

-To the one and only
girl in the world.

-Alice, it's Sergeant Mooney.

He's got Dennis down
at Finch's jail.

-What?

-Nev-- Finch's drugstore.

Come on.

-So then I made the sign and
started walking up and down

in front of the store
like that other man did

so my Mom'll get a lot of
presents on her birthday.

-But the sign, Dennis.

How did you paint that?

You can't write yet.
-I know.

So I got a great
big boy to help me.

He's in the th grade.

-I'm sorry I said all those
things to you, George.

-No, forget it Lawrence.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

-My fault for
calling the police.

-Oh, that's all right.

It's spiced up the day a little.

But uh, I still don't get
the part about the ants.

-Well I think he said this
other boy had them in a bottle,

and that caused the
raft to blow up.

-He said no such thing.

-But he said the ants
were in a candy bar?

-This scared the
first lady, she jumped

and knocked the
other lady's arm off.

-The dummy, not the other lady.

-Watch your tone to me, Mr.

-Oh, now Mooney, he
was only trying--

-I own this store.

[chattering]

-Well I heard--

-Just a minute or
I'll haul you all in.

-Dennis!

-Gee whiz, Mom.

This was supposed
to be a surprise.

Hey Mom, there's Dad.

-Yes, I know dear.

He came home unexpectedly.

-Dennis, what is this?

-I can explain, Mr. Mitchell.

Dennis wanted his Mother
to have a big birthday.

-Start at the beginning, Mooney.

Now, Dennis came to
me this morning--

[chattering]

-The boy came into
the store, you see--

-One at a time, one at a
time, how can he understand?

-Well, Mr. Wilson said
it would be a surprise.

He certainly was right.

-I bet you get
presents from people

you've never even heard of.

-Well that's beside
the point, dear.

Dennis!

-What is it?

-I think she got stuck
with a pin, or something.

-Dennis, where in
the world did you

get the idea that your
mother's years old?

-Well, I asked Mr. Wilson
how old he thought Mom was,

and he said, "No woman
is ever over ."

-What a birthday.
-Yeah.

When it's your birthday Dad,
I'm gonna get a bigger sign--

-No you're not.

I know you meant to do
the right thing, Dennis.

But that's not the way to get
presents for your parents.

-Your father's right, dear.

Now let's see.

Why, it's a lead pencil.

-Happy birthday, Tommy.

-Yeah.

Tommy bought you
a candy bar first,

but it melted in his pocket
and he had to eat it.

-Well you tell him how
much I appreciate it, dear.

-Oh, this must be
another present.

-Don't pull it, Dad!

-What in the world?

-I told you not to pull it, Dad.

Wasn't it swell of Mr. Finch
to give you this nice raft?

Oh, and the paddles
come with it.

Oh Mom, I forgot to
tell you happy birthday.