01x17 - Dennis and the Open House

[bunniefuu]

-Dad?

-Hm?

-Let's turn the page.

I'm getting tired of looking at
that girl in the bathing suit.

[theme music]

-Hiya Mr. Wilson!

Here from the grocery store?

-Dennis, does your
mother approve

of your leaving your toys all
over the sidewalk like that?

-Heck no, Mr. wilson.

-Well, then, why don't
you do something about it?

-Because they're not mine.

-Well, who do they belong
to, for heaven's sakes?

-That's Eric's, and that's
Tommy's, and that's Joey's, and

that's Stewart's.

-Oh, never mind.

-Don't you want to know
who they belong to?

-No.

-Then how come you asked?

-I should've known better.

-Ah!

Excuse me for talking with my
mouth full, but in a minute,

I think you're gonna
step on Stewart's skate.

-Well, then, move it!
-There.

Did I save your life or
something, Mr. Wilson?

-Dennis, your parents are
giving a big open house party

tomorrow afternoon.

Now, if it were I,
I'd move those toys

so the guests wouldn't
fall over them.

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilson.

When I come back from the
store, I'm gonna help you.

-Oh, hi, honey.

I've just been talking
to one of the boys

at the office about Mr. Purdy.

He said that he went to
a business luncheon forum

about two years ago--

-Dear, I know how
important this is to you,

but you mustn't get
yourself so upset about it.

-I'm not, I'm not.

Oh, honey, when Mr.
Purdy gets here tomorrow,

try and make up
some conversation

about the construction business.

How much you like
the smell of lumber.

-And how thrilled
I am that he'll

be opening a factory here?

-You know, honey,
I'm afraid we should

have made this a formal
reception instead

of an open house.

-We didn't have time
to out invitations

and get back answers.

-I know, I know.

Where's Dennis?

-I sent him to the store to
get some things for the party.

-Honey, do you think you
should have trusted him

with a thing like that?

-Hiya, mister.

-Hello.

-Hey, you got a bee
on your umbrella.

-Good for me.

-We've got one
like that, only we

use it when we go to the beach.

-Good for you.

-Mister, if a swell little
kid came by and asked you

for one of those flags,
would you give it to him?

-No.

-If a swell little kid came
by and gave you a nickel

for one of those flags,
would you give it to him?

-If a swell little kid
came by with a dime--

-No.

-Mister?

-Hm?

-Is it your job to sit
there and tell people

that you won't sell them flags?

-My job is to sell this house.

The flags are to
attract attention,

and the sign is to
let everybody know

that the house is
open to everybody.

Now, will you please
stop asking me questions?

-What does the sign say?

-Open house.

-Gee, are you
having a party, too?

-Oh, sure.

Sure!

I'm just sitting here waiting
for the guests to show up.

Please run along, sonny.

-OK, good bye.

-Good bye.

-Hey, mister?

-No.

-Still up there.

-Who?

-The bee.

You want me to smack
him with something

so you won't get stung?

-Yeah, smack him.

Go ahead.

-Hey, mister, your
umbrella fell down!

-Well, bye, mister!

-Punch bowl.

-Mr. Purdy and Mrs. Purdy.

-White bread, brown bread,
pumpernickel, green tea, nuts.

-Honey, who's Janey Moore?

-Oh, you don't know her, dear.

She's president of
the Garden Club.

I invited her and her husband.

-Oh.

-Well, you said you wanted
a lot of important people.

-I know, honey, but
I'm afraid there

are gonna be too many here.

I've asked some of the
boys from the office.

-The ones I know?

-Well, you know some of them.

I also told Mr. Purdy he
could bring a few friends.

I'm afraid there's gonna
be an awful mob here,

and you know how
I am with names.

-Oh, half the people who
are invited to an open house

never show up, so
I don't think you

have anything to worry about.

-Supposing nobody comes?

-Won't do any good to worry.

[ringing]

-Must have been for Dennis.

I think you should be
very proud that of all

the boys at your
office, your boss picked

you to entertain Mr. Purdy.

-He also picked a fine
time to go on vacation.

This, this Purdy should be
his responsibility, not mine.

-Oh, let's forget about the
whole thing until tomorrow.

I have a feeling everything
is going to turn out fine.

-Well, I mostly just play.

Except tomorrow I can't
on account of we're

gonna have a big party so
we can show off for a man.

-Dennis, tell your
little friend good bye.

It's bed time.

-Well if you wanna
know how to get here,

first you've got to find
Mr. Quigley's store.

Then you go around the corner.

That's our street.

And then you go past a man
that won't sell you any flags.

Then you go past
Margaret's house.

She's a girl.

Pretty soon you see
this real pretty house.

That's Mr. Wilson's.

Ours is right next door.

-Dennis, who are you talking to?

-You're welcome, mister.

-Who was that, Dennis?

-A man.

He wanted to know how
to get here tomorrow.

After I told him, he said he
would ask at a gas station.

-Well, did he say
what his name was?

-Sure.
Mr. Pretty.

-Mr. Purdy?

-Sure, that's the one.

Has Dad got a headache?

-Yes, he has, Dennis, and I'm
gonna put it to bed right now.

-Having a big party so we
can show off for a man?

-Boy, Mom sure is nervous
out there in the kitchen.

-She is?
-Sure.

You ask her things,
and she answers

stuff you didn't even ask her.

-It's a big day, Dennis.

Where's the sandwich
I sent you for?

-Here it is.

-What's the big idea of
eating three quarters of it?

-I don't know.
I didn't eat it.

It's brand new.

-It is?

-Sure.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
You in there, Mitchell?

-In here, Mr. Wilson.

-My, such industry in that
Kitchen Martha and Alice are--

-Oh, I see they put
you to work, too.

-The least I could do
is help Alice a little.

-Oh, nothing to be
ashamed about, Mitchell.

When Martha gives a
party, she wraps me

around her little finger.

Well, here it is.

-Oh, I certainly appreciate your
bringing that over, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, as you say, if this Mr.
Purdy's interested in coins,

it might make a good
conversation piece

for all of us.

Where shall I put it?

-Right over here, I
think, Mr. Wilson.

This ought to be fine.

-Ah.

-What is it, Dad?

-Well, you can see
for yourself, Dennis.

-Boy, what a piggy bank.

-Dennis these points
are quite old and rare.

-Is it any good for
spending, Mr. Wilson?

-Why, of course.

-Dennis, you wouldn't borrow
any without asking, would you?

-Heck no, Mr. Wilson.

Dad even has to ask when he
takes money from Mom's purse.

-It isn't that I
have to ask, Dennis.

it's just a matter of--

-Honey.

Honey, our guests will be
here in less than two hours.

-Already?

-Come along, George.

We'd better let these
folks get dressed.

-Oh.

-Mrs. Wilson?

-Yes, dear?

-Can I feel your muscles?

-What on Earth for?

-Well, Mr. Wilson said
she could wrap him

around her little finger.

So I bet Mrs. Wilson's got
muscles like a wrestler.

-Get up those stairs and
get in the tub, young man.

-In the bath tub?

-In the bath tub.

-And put some water in it!
-Yes, sir.

-Ah, is, uh, is Dennis going
to be at the open house?

-Yes.

We couldn't get a sitter.

-Oh, we've had lots of
long talks with him.

-I'm sure Dennis realizes
how important this

is to his father and me.

-Of course he does.

-Oh, sure he does.

-I wonder where they are?

-Can't imagine.

Thought I heard a car.

-As long as nobody's coming, you
want me to get some of the kids

and help you eat
up all this stuff?

-They'll be here.

It's just that
they're a little late.

-I wonder if people
are having trouble

finding the place, Henry?

-It isn't that hard to find.

-Maybe everybody's
going around asking

each other how to get here.

-I'll bet that's it.

I bet nobody can
locate the house.

[doorbell]

-Just a minute, Dennis.

-We'll all get it.

Now, mind your manners.

-Now?

-Can Dennis come out and play?

-No, I'm afraid not, dear.

-OK.

Oh, my mommy's all
ready to come over,

buy my father won't shave,
so they're having a fight.

Bye!

-Mr. Purdy!

-Hello, Mitchell.

How are you?

I bet this is your Alice.

How are you?

-How are you, Mr. Purdy?

-And this must be
your little boy.

-That's our Dennis.

-Hi, Dennis.

-Hi, Mr. Purdy.

-Hey, that's quite a grip.

-Thank you!

My dad gets sore if I
shake hands like a fish.

-Bright boy.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

This is Mrs. Purdy.

Mitchell.

-I'm delighted to
meet you, Mrs. Purdy.

Won't you come into the
living room, please?

-Ah, you have a
charming home here.

-Thank you.

-I've really been looking
forward to meeting you.

-I had no idea we'd be
the first ones here.

-Especially as we had a little
trouble finding the place.

-Gee, that's funny.

I got a friend that finds it all
the time, and he's only three.

[doorbell]

-Excuse me.

-Oh, Mr. Wilson.

-Alice.
-Mrs. Wilson.

-We found this gentleman
outside looking for your house.

-I don't believe we've met.

I'm Frank Tedly,
from Henry's office.

-Oh, of course.

How do you do?

Please come in.

Let me take your hat.

-Oh, thank you.

-Would you show them
the living room?

-Oh, right this way, Mr. Tedly.

-Mom?

You want to stand
out front and holler

that this is where we live?

-No, dear.

But I do wish people didn't
have so much trouble finding

the place.

-Yeah.

-Would you put this in
the coffee please, dear?

-Sure.

-This is an excellent
collection, Henry.

-Mr. Wilson brought it over,
thinking you might enjoy it.

-Oh, is that so?

I'd give anything
for an dollar

in this kind of condition.

-Yes, that's my pet, too.

-Hey Dad, if people could
find our house better,

would you be glad?

-Oh, I sure would.

Now, you run along, son.

-The only trouble is
I need some money.

-Who doesn't?

-Mr. Purdy and I have often been
told we're missing something

by not having children, but
we manage beautiful with just

our two parakeets.

We keep them in cages.

-Would you like some
punch, Mrs. Purdy?

-Well, how nice.

Of course.

-Mrs. Wilson?

-Yes, dear?

-If a kid knew how to do
something real good for his mom

and dad, should he
go ahead and do it?

-Well, if it was something good,
I'm sure it would be all right.

-Supposing a kid had
to have some money,

would it be OK to borrow it?

-From whom, dear?

-From Mr. Wilson.

-Of course, Dennis.

Go right ahead.

-Gee, thanks.

-Lunch, gentlemen?

-Oh, yes.

[chatter]

-Well, you have my card.

Whenever you're ready,
please give me a call.

And thank you for dropping in.

Good bye.

-Good bye.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi, mister!

-Oh, no.

Listen, kid, I'm too tired
to go through another one

of your quiz programs.

What do you want?

-I wanna buy that sign.

We need it at our house.

-If I give it to you, will
you go home and stay there?

-Sure.
-Take it.

Now go on home.

[chatter]

-Honey, who's that
couple over there?

-Oh, that's Janey Moore.

Her husband's name is Bob.

And who are they?

-Well, those are the Bartons.

He works in the office with me.

His name is Jack.

I think her name is Anne.

I've never met her before.

-Opie, there's
another open house.

-Yeah.

Look a little like the
one over on rd St.

-Yeah.

-You want to go
through it, kitten?

-Well, don't cost
anything to look.

-Honey, I think the
party's going awfully well.

Most of the people are here.

[doorbell]
-Oh.

I'll get it.
Here, you take this.

[chatter]

-Well, come in.

I'm Alice Mitchell.

-Oh, uh, I'm Opie Swanson.

This is Olivia.

-Oh, how do you do, Opie?

I'm so glad you could come.

Olivia, may I take your sweater?

-Yes, yes, it is a little hot.

Thank you, dearie.

There we are.

-They'll do anything to
sell a house these days.

-I think it's a cute idea.

-Well, shall we go in
and meet the others?

-Oh, that sounds swell, dearie.

[chatter]

-Ladies, I'd like you to
meet Olivia and Opie Swanson.

-Howdy.

-This is Mrs. Moore, Mrs. Purdy,
Mrs. Murphy, and Mrs. Wilson.

-How do you do?

-Purdy.

Wasn't that the
name of those people

who used to live next door
to the Anderson in Sheboygan?

-Sure.
Yes.

Well, you haven't ever been in
the junk business, Mrs. Purdy?

-Not to my knowledge,
Mr. Swanson.

-Gentlemen, I'd like you to
meet Olivia and Opie Swanson.

I'd like you to
meet Mr. Wilson, Mr.

Moore, Mr. Purdy, and Mr. Tedly.

-No, I'm Tedly, and he's Moore.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

And of course you know Henry.

-Hi, Henry.

You better get lost, kitten.

I got a story I want
to tell the fella.

-You better get out
of here too, dearie.

Opie used to be in the Navy.

[doorbell]

-Oh, I'll get it.

-Hi, Dan.

-Here's the open house, folks!

Everybody's welcome!

Come on in, everybody!

Here's the open house!

Everybody's welcome!

-You want to watch this
cheap hardware, young woman?

-Cheap hardware?

-Oh, there isn't a lock in the
whole house that's worth more

than $ . .

-What are you doing?

-Just checking.

You wired for ?

-I don't think so.

-Oh, you see, lambchop?

You're not the only
bride who doesn't

know anything about electricity.

Much obliged.

-Wall's faded.

[doorbell]

-I still say that you have
to strike while the iron is--

-Right this way to the
swell open house, folks!

Come on in, everybody!

Right to this way to
the swell open house!

Come on in!

-Oh, thank you, Margaret.

Here.

-Alice, who are all
those people out there?

-I don't know, Henry,
and I've given up

trying to remember names.

-I know you and I
didn't invite that many.

-All I can say is Mr. Purdy has
some awfully strange friends.

-Takes all kinds in the
construction business.

-Dad, what are termites?
-Termites?

Why?

-A man's up in our attic
and says we got 'em.

-Up in our attic?

-We're out of
punch again, Alice.

-Oh, dear.

-Oh, now I'll make it.

You go out there and take
care of the customers.

-People are sure finding our
house real good, huh, Mom?

-Now, Dennis, your
mother is busy.

Run along, Alice.

You too, Henry.

Run on.

Wait, wait, you stay
here Help your Aunt

Olivia wash the punch cups.

-Huh?
-No nonsense.

[doorbell]

-Pick it up, darling.

That's a good boy.
Follow me.

That's it.
Right over here.

-Henry, you'd better take these
sandwiches over to Mr. Purdy.

I don't think he's had
a thing to eat all day.

[chatter]

-Mr. Purdy, would
you like a sandwich?

-Tough luck, Dan.

-I'll go get some more.

-I must say that
Mitchell certainly

has some weird friends.

It takes all kinds.

-What's this thing?

-Well, this thing
happens to be one

of the finest coin
collections in the state.

-What are you asking?

-It's not for sale.

-What do you mean,
it's not for sale?

Of course it's for sale.

-I suppose the gentleman means
everything has its price.

-You're darn right, sonny.

You own it?

-I do.

-Well, I'll give you $ for it.

-$ ?

Why, it's worth
times that much.

-Now, let's not be silly.

.

That's my top price.

-You're right, sir.

Let's not be silly.

-Well, [inaudible], then.

Termites and all!

-Termites!

Why, this is the
finest teak wood.

-You know you have
termites in your attic?

-Pardon?

I'm afraid I don't know
you quite that well, sir.

-Easy.

-Why, this coin alone
is worth-- it's gone.

-What's gone?

-That dollar you said you'd give
anything in the world to get.

-Surely you're not accusing me?
-Of course not.

I'm simply identifying
the coin that's missing.

-Everything all right, men?

-Oh, yes, of course.

-I want to tell you
something, mister.

I wouldn't have this place
if it were the Taj Mahal.

-Well, here it is, folks.

Come get it!

-Boy, Aunt Olivia
sure is a nice lady.

She's got five cats
at home, and she's

gonna give me three of 'em.

[gasp]

-Dennis, you can't--

-Ain't that a hot one, honey?

-Honey, you're going to
have to get Olivia away

from Mrs. Purdy.

She can't stand
the sight of her.

-I don't even know
whose friend Olivia is.

-Are you leaving?

Well, I'm so glad
you could come.

Do come again soon, and Jack.

-See you at the office, Jack.

-After all, honey, it's
nothing to be ashamed of.

-My good woman, my husband has
never been in the junk business

in Sheboygan or anywhere else.

-Well, maybe it was
before you met him.

-It was not before I met him.

-Then when was it?

-Why don't you mind your
own stupid business?

-Ladies, please.

-I did not accuse
you, Mr. Purdy.

I simply said--

-You simply said I had my
eye on your miserable dollar.

That's what you
simply said, Wilson.

-No wonder you're a
success in business.

You're as stubborn as a mule.

-Hey, fellas, I got an idea
solve the whole problem.

-What?
-Let him search you.

-I've had enough of this!

-You know what I
oughtta do, sister?

I oughtta belt you one!

-You've s got the
build for it, dear.

-Come, Catherine.

-Now just a minute, Malcolm.

I'm just getting warmed up.

-We're leading now.

-You and your old
man hurry back!

-Leaving, Mr. Purdy?

-Mitchell, I want to
tell you something.

I've never in all my born
days met such a conglomeration

of g*ons as you
invited here today.

If it's a practical joke, I hope
you enjoy your little laugh.

If it's stupidity, I
feel sorry for your boss.

And if it's, if it's--

-Now, I want to say something.

-Not in front of the
child, Catherine!

-Mr. Purdy!
Please!

-Mr. Purdy!

-Mr. Purdy, please.

Just listen to me for a moment.

We really don't know where
most of these people came from.

-I do.

The zoo.

-Really, Alice and
I only invited--

-Henry, look.
-Well?

Aren't you selling your house?

-No!

Somebody must have-- Dennis!

-The man gave me
the sign so people

could find our house better.

And he didn't
charge me anything.

So I didn't even have
to borrow the dollar.

-That's the dollar that Wilson--
you mean most of those people

came in to buy the house?

-Oh, for heaven's sake!

-That's where they came from.

-Open house!

-Well, it turned out
all right after all.

-When we get this
next mess cleaned up,

I'm going to sleep for a week.

-Hard to believe it's all over.

-Right this way, mister.

-Crazy party, man.

-Dennis, who was that?

-He fell asleep on my
bed during the party.

Night mom, night dad.