[RIK HOWARD & BOB WIRTH'S
"TOGETHER" PLAYING]
♪ Here we are, face to face ♪
♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hopin' to find ♪
♪ We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Makin' a go ♪
♪ Makin' it grow ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Takin' the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about ♪
♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons together ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
What happened to
the hors d'oeuvres?
I ate them.
Even the smoked eel?
It's Evelyn.
The thought of
your ex-wife visiting
makes me very nervous.
If she moved here,
I'd gain pounds.
Honey, I know
she got under your skin,
but that was before
we were married.
She's bound to be
a lot more mellow now.
You're probably right.
Do we have any peanut butter
in the kitchen?
Okay, that's done.
Chopping wood really
clears your mind.
I made a career decision.
Oh, yeah, what?
I'm definitely not
gonna be a lumberjack.
That'll definitely make
your mother happy.
I can't wait to see her.
Maybe this time
she'll stay for a month or two.
You'd better hurry
and get changed.
You know your mom, she probably
has a busy day planned.
Yeah. Fancy lunch,
top Broadway show...
You know, she really spoils me.
I love it.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Yeah, I'll get that.
Richard!
Mom!
Let me look at you.
Seeing how tall you're getting
makes me feel so...
old.
Mom, you're not that old.
You're only--
Ah! That'll be enough, Richard.
I'll be right back.
Edward.
Evelyn.
[CLEARS THROAT]
And Kate.
Or should I say Mrs. Stratton?
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
I think it's just wonderful.
A real rags-to-riches story.
We're so sorry you couldn't
come to the wedding,
but we only had room for .
Psst! Hey, you, tootsie.
I got living to make.
I just flew in from London,
and I only have a few pounds.
But they all in good places.
Oh, isn't he adorable?
Could you pay the man, please?
Sure. How much?
Twenty-seven bucks.
Okay.
There's .
Come on,
I tip better than that.
Everybody tip better than that.
Give him another five.
[SIGHS]
Thank you.
I gave you the five.
Thank you.
Never mind.
Goodbye, material girl.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Okay, I'm ready to go.
We're not going, dear.
I thought we'd just stay here
and hang out.
Hang out?
Here?
It occurs to me that
we always do what I wanna do.
That's how I remember it.
Tell me, dear, what would you
be doing if I weren't here?
Uh, this.
Then what?
There is a movie
I'd like to see.
All my friends say
it really makes a statement.
Oh?
It's called
Vampire Cheerleaders.
That's number one
on my must-see list.
Do you mean it?
Let's go.
Here you go, Dad.
I don't need this.
Okay.
Oh, Edward, between
the cab driver and now,
I haven't had a chance
to get to the bank.
Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah.
Here you go. And...
Thank you.
You're gonna love
this movie, Mom.
It's about cheerleaders
who suck the blood
out of everybody
in their neighborhood.
Sort of like
your circle of friends.
Maybe money can buy wit.
So how did
the old Mrs. Stratton
and the new Mrs. Stratton
hit it off?
It was sort of
a love-hate relationship.
They both love
to hate each other.
Hey, son. How was
Vampire Cheerleaders?
Not nearly as good
as Werewolf Stewardesses.
Dad, Mom needs some cash
for the taxi.
Again? I'm running
out of pocket money.
How much does she need
to get to the Plaza?
She's not staying
at the Plaza.
I think Mom may be
hurting for money.
Why do you say that?
At the movie, she told me
to stoop down
and tell them
I was under .
I'm sure there's a logical
explanation for that...
somewhere.
That's strange.
What's the matter?
I thought I saw Evelyn
sneak apples into her purse.
I knew it. She's broke!
That's impossible.
She's inherited millions.
There's no way
she could spend that much.
You've never seen her shop.
What if it's really true?
Oh, come on, Rick.
Your mom's business manager
keeps her
on a sensible budget.
What's his name?
Clarence Birmingham.
Oh, no!
Oh, no?
I hate to be
the bearer of bad tidings,
but Evelyn's money's
gone south.
What?
Birmingham was last seen
in Rio de Janeiro,
dancing in the streets,
and it wasn't even
carnival time.
I think we'd better
talk to Evelyn
and find out
what's going on.
Yeah.
Dex, it might be
more comfortable for her
if it's just us.
That's a good idea.
Anyway, poverty makes me queasy.
Hello. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
Mmm. Something
smells delicious.
What is it?
Pot roast.
Is that meat?
Would you like
to stay for dinner?
Well, this is
awfully short notice,
and the Vanocurs did
invite me for croquet,
but who could say no
to meat in a pot?
[GASPS]
Kate, is this your idea
of a practical joke?
Evelyn, we know about
Clarence Birmingham.
You do?
I'm afraid so.
You've lost everything, Mom?
Not everything.
I still have my shoes,
one Louis Vuitton bag,
a can of hair spray...
a little cake of soap
I stole from my motel.
Oh, Richard, I'm a bag lady.
[SOBBING]
Just take it easy, Mom.
Listen.
I've saved $ .
I want you to have it. Okay?
I can give you enough
to get you back on your feet.
I refuse
to be a charity case.
I'm not going to become
one of those poor souls
I used to throw
fundraisers for.
I'll never
throw a benefit again!
[SOBBING]
I'll try to comfort her.
It's kind of scary, isn't it?
I mean, just last month,
she was tooling around
London with that royal dude.
It's duke, not dude.
Poor mom.
She had all that money,
now it's all gone.
That's why
I always told you, son,
money isn't everything,
you know?
The most important things
in life
are your family and friends.
We've got to help her.
You heard, I tried.
She doesn't want charity.
Well, then give her a job.
A job?
The only opening I have
is a receptionist.
That's perfect!
Mom's best thing is
talking on the phone!
Rick, making your mother
a receptionist
would be like making
Queen Elizabeth
a supermarket checker.
[IMITATES QUEEN]
"Harold, price check
on the potatoes."
She'd never accept it.
She might. She's down
to swiping fruit.
Rick, there's
another drawback.
Hiring your ex-wife creates
a whole raft of problems.
Especially when
your present wife
is vice president
of your company.
Oh, Kate will understand.
Didn't you just say
the most important things
are your friends and family?
As a general principle, yeah.
Well, Mom is my family, and
she was a part of yours once.
For seven days!
Haven't you always taught me
it's better to give
than receive?
And that the gift of love
is the most--
All right, I'll offer her a job.
Great, Dad!
You're not gonna be sorry.
She's an awfully lucky woman.
Lucky?
Yeah. To have a son like you.
Let's go.
Wait a minute.
Wouldn't it be easier
to convince her
I owe years back alimony?
You find out who your friends
are when the money goes.
You don't need
friends like that.
I even lost my duke.
Oh, you'll get another dog.
I was referring
to the Duke of Braxton.
Oh. That duke. Heh.
We were about to be engaged
when word of
my misfortune hit the fan.
So he dumped you?
Like an old sock.
I'm sorry.
Oh, how could you
possibly understand?
You know, Evelyn, you're a very
difficult person to console.
Thank you.
Mom, how would you like
a job at Eddie Toys?
A job? You're kidding.
He is kidding, isn't he?
Honey, Rick begged me
to offer her a job.
Would it do any good
if I begged you not to?
Don't worry, honey.
She'll never take it.
Mom thinks you offered the job
because you feel sorry for her,
but she'd earn her money, right?
Well, don't
pressure her, Rick.
Your mother may
not even want a job.
Wait a minute. I'm not above
working for a living.
You're not?
I've read several novels
about women executives
and fantasized myself ensconced
in a powerful corner office.
Well, the job is
a receptionist.
Receptionist?
It's grueling work.
You have to answer the phone.
And type.
And greet visitors with a smile.
And type.
But you'd work
your way up in no time.
Naturally.
How much does it pay?
Three hundred a week.
Oh.
I used to spend
more than that on Perrier.
Well, it was just a thought.
Yeah, we understand.
It's not something you'd like.
Probably not.
KATE: Yeah.
But I'll take it.
Yes!
[PHONE RINGS]
Eddie Toys.
Leo Patterson? I'll see
if he works here. Hold on.
Good news, he's vice president
of Marketing.
Phone call for you,
Mr. Patterson.
Well, I don't know who it is.
All right, I'll find out.
Excuse me,
but who is this?
[RINGS]
Hold, please.
Eddie Toys.
[RINGS]
Hold, please.
Oh, darn.
[RINGING]
What's going on? The phone's
lit up like a Christmas tree.
I broke a nail.
[RINGING]
Well, can you fix it
after you answer the phone?
Typical industrial thinking.
No problem.
They hung up.
Evelyn, let me explain
something to you.
Incoming calls are the life's
blood of this organization.
Your position here
is very important.
Don't patronize me, Edward.
A chimp could do this job.
Maybe. But we have you.
Oh, nuts.
Excuse me, Evelyn.
A messenger will be
coming to pick this up.
You just love to rub my face
in it, don't you?
Are you sure you haven't been
a receptionist before?
Evelyn, would you confirm
this reservation for lunch?
There will be four of us.
Wonderful, I'm famished.
I'm sorry, but you
won't be going. It's business.
Fine. Be like that.
Kate and I were just
discussing a strategy
for our lunch
with Mr. Yamaguchi.
If we pull this off,
we'll have a cr*ck
at the Japanese market.
Mm-hm. Finally a balance
of trade. They send us cars,
we send them googly eyes.
Show me the pitch in
my office. Want some coffee?
Oh, yes, thank you.
Love some.
Evelyn, would you please
make a fresh pot of coffee?
Don't you have people for that?
Yes. You.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[CHUCKLES]
Hi, Mom. How's it going?
I am bored to death.
The most important question
I've been asked is,
"Where is the bathroom?"
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
[SIGHS]
That may not seem like
an important question to you,
but to the person who's asking,
that can be critical.
What now?
EDWARD:
Let me know the minute
Mr. Yamaguchi gets here.
Don't worry about it.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'll be with you in a minute.
You're supposed to take out
the old grounds first.
Well, sure,
if you want weak coffee.
[PHONE RINGING]
Don't they know I'm busy?
Eddie Toys.
[RINGING]
Hold, please.
Excuse me, I have a meeting.
I will be with you in a minute.
Eddie Toys. Hold, please.
Eddie Toys...
Mom!
Oh, stupid--!
No, not you. Look, call back.
Oh, I need the thingy.
[INTERCOM BUZZING]
Hello.
EDWARD:
Rick, is that you?
Oh, yeah, Dad.
I'm just filling in.
Mom's getting the coffee.
Oh, look out!
EVELYN:
Oh, no!
What button do I push?
Override, enter,
stop print, then execute.
What?
Just pull the plug.
Mom, the one to the printer!
Oh!
EVELYN:
Oh, nuts.
RICKY:
It's not your fault, Mom.
You're just overqualified.
EDWARD:
What happened?
Where?
[YAMAGUCHI CLEARS THROAT]
EDWARD:
Oh, good lord!
Mr. Yamaguchi?
You guys better
have great toys.
After you left this afternoon,
we were offered the rights
to the Madonna doll.
Really? Oh!
Yeah.
Evelyn told them Eddie Toys
doesn't handle religious items.
Why doesn't that surprise me?
She's already
cost me thousands
in foul-ups,
bleeps and blunders.
[SIGHS]
I'm gonna have to fire her.
Just throw her out
into the street?
I was only gonna fire her.
I like your idea better.
What are you gonna tell Rick?
"Sorry, son, but your mother
is getting the a*"?
Well, maybe I don't
have to fire her.
Maybe I could open
an office in Nairobi.
Africa has enough problems.
I've gotta get rid of her.
Going out?
Yeah.
Mom's taking me out to dinner
to celebrate
her first day on the job.
She loves working
for Eddie Toys, Dad.
Yeah, well...
You've given
back the self-respect
and courage
to rebuild her life.
What a guy.
Son, listen, I have to talk
to you about your mother.
Did I mention
self-respect and courage?
There's no easy way to say this.
I have to fire your mother.
We'll give her
six months' severance pay.
Can't you give her
another chance?
All she did was
spill a little water,
short out the electricity
and knock out the computer.
Well, she only had
eight hours.
Thanks for giving her
the chance.
Hi, boss.
Rick said it would be all right
to bring my laundry over.
Yeah. Use all the soap you want.
We better hurry, Rick.
We don't wanna miss out
on the two-for-one corn dogs.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get that.
There's something I want
to say to both of you.
What's that?
Thank you for the job.
Evelyn, has anybody told you
about Eddie Toys'
early retirement plan?
Hello. Can I help you?
Yes. I'm trying
to ascertain the whereabouts
of a Miss Evelyn Bradford.
Evelyn?
Well, who may I say
is ascertaining?
Lowell Whiting III,
the Duke of Braxton.
You're the duke?
Well, what do you want
with my mom?
I'm here to beg her forgiveness.
You are? Well, great!
Come on in.
I'll get her and tell her.
Just sit. Heh-heh.
Don't move.
Stay, duke.
Mom! It's your duke.
Lowell, here?
In our living room.
He's looking for you.
Well, you'd better get
out there, Evelyn.
I can't go out there like this.
I look like a hausfrau.
Kate. Give me your dress.
What?
I know, it wouldn't be
my first choice either,
but I'm desperate.
I don't know...
Give her the dress!
We'll stall the duke.
Come on, Dad.
[WHIMPERS]
Oh.
Mom will be right out.
Uh, Dad, this is
Lowell Whiting III.
Well, hi.
I'm Edward Stratton III.
I'm the Duke of Braxton.
I've got a lot of credit cards.
Evelyn told me about you.
Oh? Well, none of it true.
Let's hope not. Heh-heh-heh.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, well, Evelyn is helping
my wife in the kitchen.
Once you get my mom near a
stove, you can't pull her away.
Evelyn?
Oh, yeah.
Get her in a home environment...
Or a castle environment...
Yeah, brings out the domestic
side in her like that.
Evelyn Bradford?
RICKY: Yep.
Evelyn, darling!
So you've come
crawling back, have you?
A Braxton never crawls.
Oh, you don't understand--
You see, "crawling"
is American slang
for "glad to see you."
Right, Mom?
He knows exactly what I mean.
This is the welcome I get?
After I made a grueling journey
across the Atlantic?
Three hours on a Concorde.
Goodbye, Evelyn.
No, wait a minute, duke.
Wait a minute.
You're never gonna find
another woman quite like Evelyn.
She's one of a kind. Oh...
Believe me.
Give him a chance, Mom.
He was telling us
how much he missed you.
Is that true?
Did you say that?
No.
Oh!
Oh, come on, duke.
You know you missed her.
Well, maybe a little.
Actually, rather a lot.
Evelyn, I've made
a terrible mistake.
I had no idea
how much I'd miss you
until you were gone.
Hey, Mom.
That's from the heart.
Well, I missed you too.
You hear that?
She missed you too.
Evelyn, if you can find it
within yourself to forgive me,
would you do me the honor
of becoming my wife?
Yes!
Well, if my mom says
it's okay, heh.
I don't know.
I'm working for Edward now.
It wouldn't be fair
to leave him in the lurch.
I love to be left in lurches.
I have two tickets
to London leaving tonight.
Let me see. My choices are...
a : to : job
on Long Island
or becoming a duchess.
Huh. Oh, all right.
[LAUGHS]
Congratulations!
And thank you.
Really, thank you.
I can hardly wait
to redecorate the castle.
Maybe you can put a Jacuzzi
in the t*rture chamber, huh?
This is fantastic.
My mom will be
the duchess of Braxton.
I wonder what that makes me?
Nothing.
Thank you.
Oh, goodbye.
We'll see you at the wedding.
You know I love you, don't you?
I love you too.
I hope you've learned
a lesson from this.
Work hard, and good things
will come your way.
[LAUGHING]
Whew, ha!
Kate, my mom went off
to marry the duke.
Oh! Well, that's par
for the course.
She's got my nice dress
and I've got
her dirty laundry.
She's lucky she's got
the duke to take care of her.
She's lucky the duke
tracked her down.
We're lucky
I called him in London.
[♪♪♪]
04x03 - Poor Evelyn
Watch/Buy Amazon
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.