(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
JOAN: There's nothing
like seeing
a child on stage
for the first time.
They get up there, the lights hit,
and suddenly, the whole world opens up.
Theater for children,
it's unbelievable
what they learn.
They learn to improvise,
dance, sing, work with each other,
and some of them really
need it, they really do.
That's why I built this camp.
I wanted to make a place
where anyone is free
to be themselves.
But keeping the camp open
is a year-round job.
That's why we spend
the whole spring on the road,
raising money,
recruiting young talent.
And, you know, we're
theater people, so. (CHUCKLES)
We know how to work a crowd.
Being at camp
for a whole summer,
- what it can do for a child.
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
We don't have
that much room left.
We have not much room.
No, we have a little bit of
wiggle room at the camp.
Maybe four more kids?
- We're almost full...
- JOAN: We are.
...so I think you should
register early for your girl.
JOAN: For sure.
And Ronald, I'm so sorry
to hear about your divorce.
RITA: I know.
I mean,
she was just too young.
But if your son
needs a place to go,
AdirondACTS is the perfect
place for him to come.
We found a lot of star campers
at this school.
I know Willow was freaked out
by the bedbugs,
tell her they're gone.
Why are you smiling?
(GROANS) He drives me crazy.
He's practically drunk.
RITA: I know.
JOAN: But I think we got him
to sign up his kid.
(SIGHS) We're so behind
this year.
We need to raise more money.
I know. I was thinking
we could give Leo a lead.
Leo? No.
He's awful.
I know he's awful
and he's tone-deaf,
but his parents
are really rich.
Oh, come on. You know
we don't do things that way.
It's always gotta be
about the talent.
- How rich?
- So rich.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING)
If you're really sincere
If you're really sincere
If you feel it in here
Then it's gotta be right
Oh, baby
- Oh!
- Look at him.
- Sebastian?
- I know.
JOAN: He is giving 110%.
- Suffer
- (JOAN CHEERING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(SINGING)
Oh, oh, oh, you gotta be sincere
Oh, oh, oh, you gotta feel it in here
- RITA: Oh, my God! Joan!
- (SINGING) Oh, my baby
RITA: Joan!
This is... Somebody help me!
Somebody help me.
She's not breathing.
This is not part of the show.
I need help! (ECHOING)
(GASPS) It's beautiful.
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
What's up, Troy-jans?
It's your boy, Troy.
Just right off the bat, wanna
keep it real with you guys,
feeling a little naked
without my ring light.
But you know what?
We still out here.
As you guys know,
I don't usually like to talk
about my... (CLEARS THROAT)
To be honest,
I've been going through
some low-key
personal stuff lately
and I just feel obligated
to let you guys know that.
Long story short,
theater gave my mom a coma.
She's down for the count
for... (INHALES DEEPLY) we
really don't know how long.
Unfortunately, that's just
kinda how comas go.
But fear not, fam.
Even though I never really
vibed with my mom's camp
and spent my summers doing
dope sh*t with my friends,
I happen to be
a financial guru
and world-renowned
business mentor.
Yeah, I do that kind of stuff.
Your boy has the BDE.
That's right. The business
development expertise
- to hold down the fort.
- (GASPS)
Oh, my God, there's a person.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I was in here
fixing the blinds,
and then you came in
and I panicked and stayed.
(TROY EXHALES DEEPLY)
I'm Glenn.
I'm the technical director.
TROY: How you doing, man?
Over the next three weeks,
I'm gonna give you
an inside look
at how I can take a business
from lame... to lit.
Let's build.
(MAKES WHOOSHING SOUND)
The most pressing matters
are in the main stage.
Right now,
the cyclorama is buckling.
It needs to be re-anchored.
Uh, we're gonna
need to prioritize
the remaining equipment
for the musicals,
which means the straight plays
are gonna have to be acoustic.
Uh, which is actually
how they do it on Broadway.
Can I just (CLICKS TONGUE)
cut you off? Real quick.
- Um...
- It seems like you've got
a pretty good handle
on this...
- Yeah.
- ...so I'm just gonna take
"understanding a word
you're saying"
off my list
and let you take it
from here, brother.
Okay.
Quick question, though,
what's a straight play?
Well, there are musicals,
and then
there are straight plays.
So then what would be
a gay play?
I guess (STUTTERS) a musical.
- Oh, cool.
- (DRUMS b*ating)
RITA: This one.
Okay. Thanks. Okay.
BOY: Yes. Yes!
RITA: Oh, yes!
GIRL 1: Wait,
we have to bunk together.
We have to.
So, you're in bunk five, Ellen.
Okay, 'kay, 'kay.
That's good. That's good.
Great, great. Great.
What's he doing? Perfect.
Okay. Hi, everybody.
Welcome back.
Mickey, Nicky. Nicky, Mickey,
Mickey, Nicky. Who knows?
Don't switch shirts.
I'll get too confused.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(GIGGLING)
(BOTH LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
(HUMMING)
- AMOS: Beck, stop.
- (REBECCA-DIANE SCREAMS)
Beck, stop the car.
- Let me in.
- I am letting you in.
- It's not opening.
- I'm letting you in.
AMOS: Oh, God. (GROANS)
I've been here 10 minutes
and it's unbearable.
REBECCA-DIANE: Oh, my God!
(PERCUSSION MUSIC PLAYING)
He's, like, wandering about.
He has no idea where he is,
what he's doing.
He can't see?
No, he only talks
to his camera.
Oh, my God.
The least creative person
I've ever met,
and I've yet
to speak to the man.
TROY: Play ball.
She's hot.
And half the staff
has been cut.
They're not even coming back.
We need a coup.
Well, there's not even enough
of us to have a coup now.
- Oh, my God.
- AMOS: Jesus.
- She wouldn't even want it.
- No.
AMOS: We really have to hold
this place down artistically.
I can't believe
that Joan's not here.
I can't believe it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
All I was doing
was blowing the roof off
of Honestly, Sincere
in Bye Bye Birdie.
Then I look over
to my house seats
and there's Joan, convulsing.
CHRISTOPHER L: What?
SEBASTIAN: It was frightening.
I obviously
stayed in character.
CHRISTOPHER L:
That's not real.
(OVER MIC) All right.
Let's take a knee
with the talking, fam.
Listen up!
Keep it down.
Fam?
Squad? g*ng?
Maybe, uh, zip it?
Everybody.
Can we just get you guys to...
(SINGING) Oh, what a beautiful
CHILDREN: (SINGING) Morning
TROY: Dope.
That was dope.
Whaddup, AdirondACTS?
(IMITATES FANFARE)
Um...
You guys know Joan, right?
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
(CHANTING) Joan, Joan, Joan!
Joan, Joan, Joan!
Joan, Joan, Joan!
Yeah, um, so she's not here.
Um, you know, which
we're all very sad about.
But don't worry.
I'm her son.
Troy!
Um...
Don't worry, guys.
I just wanna reassure you
this will be a normal summer.
You can check out my website.
- Oh, yeah, go ahead. Yeah.
- We're good. Thanks so much.
Hi, guys.
(ALL CHEERING)
We love you, Gigi!
So a few reminders.
I just need to know
all of your updated sizes.
Also, sad news,
I will not be doing
piercings any more in the hut.
Yeah. Because there's
a narc amongst us.
Um, Cassie has narced.
It's totally fine. Uh, yeah.
Okay, I love you guys.
- Love you.
- (CHILDREN CHEERING)
(CHEERING INTENSIFIES)
As you all know,
I'm Amos Klobuchar,
head of drama.
Rebecca-Diane,
head of music theory.
We are now going to announce,
as we do every summer,
this session's productions.
Five, six, seven, eight.
(BOTH STOMPING RHYTHMICALLY)
(SINGING)
There once was a story
'Bout a girl named Lisa
She wanted to perform
But she didn't have her visa
BOTH: Sorry about your visa, Lisa
Five, six, seven, eight
Playing baseball
with the devil
in a baseball diamond.
BOTH: Damn Yankees
in the outdoor stage.
(WHINING
IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE)
- AMOS: Who goes there?
- (CONTINUES WHINING)
Is it a ghost?
Is it a witch?
BOTH: The Crucible junior
in the lobby.
(SINGING)
In the land of Andrew Lloyd
Where the felines sing and dance
Whisker faced in unitards
You can join their feral prance
Cats immersive.
Well, I guess
that's all, folks.
I gotta start walking home.
I'm taking a cab.
BOTH: Whoa!
(SINGING)
An original piece
And it's fully brand new
And it's fresh from our hearts
Written just for you
But you've gotta be good, yeah
You've gotta be great
You've gotta be the crme de la crme
Of the place
This summer it's a story...
About a woman in her glory.
The founding of a space...
That has become
our favorite place.
A woman who all in this room
deeply love.
And she's looking down,
not quite from above.
Joan can...
- Joan will...
- Joan here?
(SNAPPING FINGERS)
BOTH: Joan, Still!
(ALL CHEERING)
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
TROY: Your resume
is absolutely stacked.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
How did you learn
stage combat?
Oh! Oh, man.
It's hard to even say
'cause I've been doing it
for so long.
- Totally.
- Yeah.
How about accent work?
(IN AN ACCENT) Oh.
You no worry.
I can do it, don't worry.
That's really neat.
How about horseback riding?
- Jousting? Is that like with the...?
- (IN NORMAL VOICE) Yeah.
That is with those. Yeah.
And then when did you learn
how to juggle?
Well, um... Oh, there was
a fire at my house.
And that's sort of how I dealt
with the trauma.
Wow!
BOBBY: Wow!
Yes. Progressions
across the floor.
Very nice, both of you, yes.
Front.
Higher. Higher.
Ah! Ah!
Listen, these are some
Cassie battements.
You're doing
a little cheater flick.
(FAST TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)
I am running late
for my niece's christening.
I don't want to find another
therapist, David.
AMOS: Welcome,
group two of auditioners.
REBECCA-DIANE:
I know it's been a long day
for you guys, but...
AMOS: If you drop a line,
or a note
is a little off-key,
you cr*ck or something,
just, what does that
- say about you?
- Mmm-hmm.
Yo.
Sorry I'm late.
- I don't think you were... Oh.
- (TROY GRUNTS)
Emma, 10,
has a goldfish named Johnny.
And she's gonna kick us off
with I Dreamed a Dream
from Les Mis.
Oh, you know what?
That's a good song choice
for her.
I do believe her
as a French prost*tute.
REBECCA-DIANE: Amos.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Sex worker.
REBECCA-DIANE: Thank you.
(FRANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING)
There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit
And it's filled with people
Who are filled with sh*t
And the vermin in the world inhabit it
But not for long
Darla, 15, is 2,073
on the IMDb Star Meter.
(SINGING)
What if when he sees me
I like him and he knows it
(WHISPERS)
This is an example of a kid
who started working
way too young.
(SINGING)
And I can't close it?
- You got snacks?
- No, I don't have anything.
(SINGING)
And even if Karen were hotter than Sharon
I still would've filed for divorce
Um, that rhythm was wrong.
Can we do that again?
(SINGING)
That was the last time
I laid eyes on
(VOCALIZING)
Margaret Thatcher
(SINGING)
Though we all deserve to die
Even you, Mrs. Lovett
Even I
It says you're allergic
to polyester. Why?
Devon, 13. He has
a green belt in taekwondo.
(SINGING)
You know, I think that I'm better now
Better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around
Not around
You know I never meant to let you down
Let you down
Would've gave you anything
Would've gave you everything
You know, I think that I am better now
Better now
You only say that 'cause I'm not around
Not around
You know I never meant to let you down
Let you down
BOTH: (SINGING)
Would've gave you anything
Would've gave you everything
Whoa
That's what's up, dawg. Finally.
Can you clear now, please?
Thank you.
TROY: That was bussin'.
AMOS: Inappropriate to give
feedback during the audition.
REBECCA-DIANE: Yeah.
AMOS: Please don't
internalize that.
It's Devon?
- Yeah.
- Your first summer?
- Here?
- REBECCA-DIANE: Yeah.
- AMOS: Yes.
- Yeah.
Do you know
any other Post songs
that you could like,
rattle off the dome,
like maybe
Wow or Congratulations...
or the one from
the Spider-Verse soundtrack?
Abby, 11, chose this session
over sitting shiva
for her cousin.
CLIVE: Putting the work first.
WOMAN: Oh, uh, excuse me,
I just need a second.
RITA: Ma'am,
you can't be back here.
WOMAN: I'm sorry. Um...
Hi.
My name's Caroline Krauss.
I'm a rep from Camp Lakeside.
- (BUS HONKING)
- RITA: Shut up!
- (MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
- Turn down your music!
This is a bucolic setting!
Okay, well,
whatever it is you're selling,
we don't want any.
Oh, I was actually here
to introduce myself
to the, uh, new boss.
Is there... Is Troy here?
I am so sorry
to hear about your mom.
My entire team
at Barnswell Capital
is sending healing thoughts.
Wait, Barnswell Capital?
Like the Barnswell Capital?
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
Your work is so inspiring.
I mean,
the Gentri-vacation Project.
I have to say
Gentri-vacation
was my brainchild.
- Wow, you know, um...
- You know...
- I'm sorry.
- You go.
I was just gonna say that
you seem to know
a lot about business.
I'm a bit
of a money man myself.
You know, I've been trying
to bring some of my
en-Troy-preneurship
to the AdirondACTS.
That's funny.
That's catchy, en-Troy.
- My name's Troy.
- I know.
I understood it completely
the first time I heard it.
Yeah.
That's kind of what we're
doing with Lakeside.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, we recently acquired it
so I'm doing
kind of a complete overhaul
- of the management structure.
- Wow!
CAROLINE:
I think it's commendable
what you're doing here.
Taking on the burden
of your mother's condition.
- Yeah.
- And her struggling business.
That's gotta be so much weight
on your shoulders.
Yeah. It is.
Excuse me.
So sorry.
This is an active work zone.
I'm gonna need you
to vacate the area.
CAROLINE: Uh, just one moment.
Troy, I think this could be
an exciting opportunity
for the both of us.
- Wow. Yeah.
- GLENN: You know what?
I'm gonna need
this exact space
to get up
really high for some work.
Look, Troy,
I don't need to tell you
that the bank
has filed a notice of default.
What?
And it's not news to you,
of course,
that they're weeks away from
foreclosing on this place.
No, that's definitely
not news to me.
Listen, I think I can help you
get out of this jam.
I know I speak on behalf
of my entire
board of directors
when I say
that Barnswell Capital
would love to get into bed
with AdirondACTS.
(SINGING)
Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high defying gravity
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean
to interrupt
that conversation.
That was very
out of character for me.
- A little brazen...
- Hey, you can't tell anyone
about this
foreclosure thing, okay?
It's between me and you.
Uh, yeah.
Uh, our little secret.
But I do think
you should know,
Barnswell Capital,
they're not people
that we should be
getting into bed with.
Lakeside is the enemy.
They've been trying
to get this land
for a very long time,
and I think Joan's success is,
in large part,
due to the fact
that she has leaned on us,
AdirondACTS family,
and your mother used to say,
"We're theater people.
"We know how to turn
cardboard into gold."
(SINGING) Bring me down
(PIANO PLAYING)
- (POWER SHUTS DOWN)
- (PIANO STOPS)
CHRISTOPHER L: What?
REBECCA-DIANE: Oh, my God.
Troy.
Okay, you're not ruining
my final note. (CHUCKLES)
(VOCALIZING)
TROY: Yeah.
I really need to start
reading the mail.
(SINGING SOFTLY)
Peters, Foster, Streisand, LuPone
Give us a role we can make our own
Audra McDonald, Idina Menzel
We are gay witches, and this is our spell
- RITA: Move on. We're gonna move on.
- AMOS: Okay.
RITA: Okay. What about this?
The Crucible or Cats?
I think that she's
in the running for Tituba.
- No.
- In the running.
How are we gonna
talk about Tituba
when we haven't
picked a Proctor?
AMOS: Do you think
you could channel her for us?
Just try. I know you don't
like to do it on command,
but maybe Joan has some wisdom
to offer in this moment.
CLIVE: Here
in this situation room.
RITA: Oh, I would love to...
Oh, I wanna talk to her.
Please do it.
I have so many things
to tell her.
CLIVE: Joan!
RITA: Joan.
Joan, are you there?
- RITA: Are you here, Joan?
- Guys, real quick.
CLIVE: Joan, speak to us.
TROY: I'm gonna head out
just 'cause the candles
and kids thing
is making me
feel a little bit weird.
We don't have
that much time to begin with.
- Thank you.
- That's fine. Please.
AMOS: Oh, my God!
CLIVE: Can we get back
to the business at hand?
AMOS: Can we open up the
discussion in terms of Lolas?
I'm just gonna
throw a name out. Chantal.
CLIVE: Chantal. Yes, Chantal.
It's exactly what
I was thinking. Chantal.
- Chantal. Chantal.
- Chantal.
Which one... Okay. Chantal.
CLIVE: Yes, yes.
Okay, Chantal.
She's going where?
Damn Yankees.
REBECCA-DIANE: I'm just
worried she doesn't have...
No, don't place her there!
I'm worried she doesn't have
the sexuality to play it.
Obviously, everyone
on this board is a virgin,
but Chantal
seems like a virgin...
AMOS: I agree.
...the minute that she
steps into a room.
Her name. I don't wanna see
Chantal in a feather.
AMOS: I hate to admit
that it's a great point.
Okay, let's just
table the virgins.
CLIVE: Well,
can't we get her there?
GIGI: Get her there?
How do we get her there?
Get her there?
What do you want us to do?
I don't know
how you get a virgin there.
You get them there.
Okay. Where do you
think this one goes?
Well, it looks like it was
some kind of short.
- Did you check the...
- Breakers?
Yeah, I k*lled them already.
(ELECTRIC BEEPING)
(GLENN VOCALIZING)
Wow,
that's really pretty, Glenn.
Okay. Uh...
You want him
and Sebastian in Joan?
AMOS: Listen.
Hey, how about...
I have no one.
You take Sean,
we'll take Sebastian.
- Hmm?
- RITA: All right.
- GIGI: Now we have a deal.
- All right. All right.
- He can be Mr. Mistoffelees.
- Okay. Okay.
- CLIVE: Put him in there.
- Okay. Sean is Mistoffelees.
If we can have Darla
for Joan, Still.
CLIVE: You can have Darla.
I'm sorry.
For what in Joan, Still?
To play Joan. Old Joan.
AMOS: She's not
even on my list.
- She's obviously the best one.
- Joan is the most organic
and warm person that I know.
It emanates from her
and Darla, it's sort of like,
put on and then another layer,
put on and then another layer,
put on...
Like all of the work
she's done...
- I find her so free.
- All the sets
she's been on
just reek on her.
Just sit with it for a second.
(POWER SWITCHES ON)
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)
AMOS: Please
don't disappoint Joan.
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
(SIGHS)
Campers,
the cast lists are up.
(ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY)
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
SEBASTIAN: Out of the way!
(CHILDREN SQUEALING)
GIRL: Am I going to be a cat?
ALICE:
Little person coming through.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
(ALL CHEERING)
ALICE: I'm so proud of you.
(LAUGHS)
ALAN: You've got to hear
her sing, Marty.
She just booked the title role
in Joan, Still...
...and I'm this close
to signing her.
She's the whole package.
WOMAN: (ON PHONE)
My daughter is a genius.
I hear you loud and clear.
Believe me, you're not the
only one who's upset.
I've been getting a lot of calls.
How dare you do this
to my daughter?
I'm seriously
going to do something
if my daughter
is not the lead by tomorrow.
Ma'am, again,
I was not involved
in the casting decision.
I will be sure
to pass that on.
But in the meantime,
if you wanna bribe me,
- I am very open to...
- DARLA: Troy, right?
- Are you listening to me?
- Hold on one second.
Hi, yes.
- Hi. I'm Darla.
- Hi, Darla.
I just wanna thank you
for entrusting me
to inhabit your mother
in Joan, Still.
Wasn't me who made
the decision, but of course.
I'd love to have a sit-down.
Go over her mannerisms, tics,
favorite foods and traumas.
Right on. Um...
Do you happen
to have her dream journal?
Dream journal. Um,
you might have to come back.
Troy, all the freezers
were out last night,
so the meat turned.
So what do we serve for lunch?
- DARLA: I'll come back later.
- (FLAPPING LIPS)
Have a big breakfast.
(SIGHS) Rita.
CLIVE: Class,
to dance
is the highest expression
of human existence.
Acting is remembering
and then choosing to forget.
Music is the closest thing
we have to the other side.
(SYNTH MUSIC
PLAYING ON SPEAKER)
(MAKING SQUEAKING SOUND)
(FEET STOMPING)
Mask work.
Who's next?
So, I'm gonna be
teaching you guys
a little fashion history
and we're gonna
really look closely
at the period costuming.
I see...
clavicle realness.
Showing off the clav.
You need to know
when to use a clavicle.
- Right.
- It's once a week.
This is me at Coachella.
Kind of cross-faded. I'm
looking for my friend, Chad.
I was running.
"Chad!"
I'm hating everything
about this except for the
peekaboo vaginal sleeve.
Characterization.
Let's say it.
- Characterization.
- ALL: Characterization.
It's time to dive in
to our first exercise.
Somebody wants to maybe
give it a sh*t?
Anybody.
Nobody?
Darla, why don't you come up
here and demonstrate with me?
So Darla is going to say
just a basic fact about me,
anything that she observes.
Just anything that comes to
mind when you look at me.
No wrong answers.
Just throw something out.
You're an acting teacher.
Okay. I'm gonna stop you
right there.
So that's actually
wildly opinionated.
That was a really simplistic
way of looking at it.
I am a performer
who works full time
as an acting teacher, right?
(PLAYING PEACEFUL TUNE
ON FLUTE)
Sing that back to me.
(CHILDREN VOCALIZING TUNE)
Now we're gonna do
a little bit of an exercise
to just strengthen our mouths.
ALL: (SINGING)
I was with Al Gore
By the old cheese store
And he brought his own bag
From the ocean floor
ALL: Wolf Blitzer has
a blister on his upper lip.
You are a family...
of influencers.
The mom is the manager.
You're dating
a basketball player,
but he's constantly
cheating on you.
And if that isn't enough,
all your names
start with the same letter.
Oh, nice.
Your show's canceled!
Your show's canceled!
It's back.
Whoa.
Wanting to learn
about stagecraft
is an act of nobility.
You know, even if it's just
because dance was full.
Something that we like
to dig into here
is the art of the spotlight.
No offense,
but this is really easy.
Can you make it harder?
Okay.
(UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
(PANTING)
You know, if there was
a real dancer on stage,
that would be...
that would be different.
Better, probably.
Whoa, that was amazing.
GLENN: (STAMMERS)
Let's take a break.
- AMOS: So we have like...
- (PLAYING PIANO)
(SINGING) You never
- (SINGING) Listen to me
- Yeah.
And then...
- (SINGING) Daddy
- Yeah.
I want her to say that loudly.
- Write that down.
- Mmm-hmm. Like guttural.
- That's very Joan.
- A guttural "Daddy."
It would be great to go
into the first rehearsal
with like,
three or four songs.
For Joan's song at Studio 54,
I've been thinking...
(SCATTING)
AMOS: (SINGING) Lower now
(BOTH SCATTING)
AMOS: Okay. That's good.
What are we doing for,
in the Wall Street piece?
(SINGING) Selling the stock
Buying the stock
It's tap.
- It's tap.
- It's tap.
- Like, stocks and bonds.
- (SINGING) Stocks things
- Bonds and selling
- Stocks.
- I work on Wall Street
- Stocks.
I don't know
when I'm gonna be able
- to really get to the finale.
- Yeah, yeah, I got it.
- You can take that?
- Yeah, I got it.
So, I'm writing,
Rebecca-Diane...
finale.
It's for her.
It's all for her.
- It's for her.
- (TURNS PAGE)
DARLA: Well, it makes sense.
I've been taking tap
- since I was two.
- CHRISTOPHER L: Oh, my gosh.
DARLA: So, I'm like...
That's why I, like, have it.
Performers, attention.
Welcome to the first rehearsal
of Joan, Still.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
Emotionally,
physically and spiritually,
this is our most complicated
piece we've ever tried to do.
Most ambitious.
Now, we only have three weeks
to create a masterpiece.
It's on you now.
It's up to you.
So that's on your shoulders
as well as Joan's well-being
and her legacy. All on you.
But you so deserve it
on every level.
You guys are so talented,
so unbelievable.
This will break you.
This will fully destroy you.
Congratulations on being the
most talented kids at camp.
(JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE CONVERSATIONS)
On a "mi," go.
ALL: (SINGING) Mi, mi, mi
Um, I'm just gonna go
and see if there's
any alcohol
that's been confiscated.
I'll just grab it
and I'll meet you at the fire pit?
You know what? I just can't.
I can't come tonight.
I'm having insane
creative inspiration.
It's just coming out of me
at all ends.
No. Rebecca, Rebecca.
I'm not going
to the staff hang without you.
I'm gonna get stuck
listening to a story
about how Clive was nude
for the entire '80s.
And the dancers
start applauding for me.
And I had no idea why.
But, of course, I obliged
them with a deep curtsy.
And as I'm bowing,
I realize I'm still nude.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
CLIVE: Oh, still nude.
Um, let's do a toast.
- Shall we, a toast to Joan?
- CLIVE: Praise be.
Right? A little toast.
Let me top everyone off.
I can feel that her spirit
is with us right now.
GIGI: Yes.
- She's here.
- She's here. She's here.
I have a little story for us.
So I was a camper here
and Joan said to me,
she looked me in the eyes,
she said,
"You're untalented.
"You can't dance.
You can't sing.
"You can't act.
"You're very bad at this.
"But you look amazing.
"Your skin is glowing and
your outfit is unbelievable."
And she was right.
RITA: At camp,
we have a tradition.
Every night,
a staff member or counselor
is gonna come in here
and do a show for you.
Tonight was supposed to be
Joan's night,
but Joan isn't here.
So tonight, I am going
to take her place
and read you
a special bedtime story.
(SINGING)
My friends, by the fire with my friends
Having fun with my friends
(VOCALIZING)
Gorgeous. Thank you, Rebecca.
Sorry. Sorry.
I just feel like this mood
is getting kind of like, sad.
You know what I mean?
Let's get crunk a little.
Janet.
What are you doing here
at the camp?
Oh, I mean, like,
what are any of us doing here
- at the camp?
- No, no, no.
What are you doing?
I just wanna say your energy
is so chaotic.
I don't think so.
And I actually do
some energy healing
and any time
you wanna talk outside class,
I'm really happy
to sit down with you.
I'm chilling.
- You know what I mean?
- REBECCA-DIANE: Mmm-hmm.
I don't like this type of, um,
voice.
This is my voice.
No, I think it sounded
different three seconds ago.
No, that's how I talk.
"She was so excited to be
at this Equity open call.
"But she'd been waiting
for hours and hours.
"She could hear people singing
on the other side of the door.
"And then finally,
it was her turn.
"But when she walked
in the room,
"the men turned her away
"because she was non-union."
The end.
AMOS: We at one time
were going to pursue
an education in the theater
and we both actually
auditioned together
for a little-known institution
called Juilliard.
We were in
the waiting room, you know.
I had my monologue
all prepared.
I was doing
"Gallop Apace," Juliet.
She had Romeo in the tomb.
And then...
Gerald walked into
the waiting room. Gerald '08.
REBECCA-DIANE:
Gerald '08 walked in.
AMOS:
Just to catch you up, Janet,
we had a torrid affair.
Lot of, like,
will they, won't they.
The camp
was all abuzz about it.
We never really spoke or
touched or kissed, but it...
You know,
it was on everybody's lips.
And so he really threw
my pH balance, like, way off.
And Rebecca
could feel it, too,
because we kind
of share a soul.
And we are linked
artistically, emotionally...
- Completely. We are one.
- You're codependent?
Well, no, I would say that
we're dependent on each other.
So, anyways,
we were inches
from a callback,
slipped from our hands.
- It didn't happen.
- It didn't go our way.
- We both bombed.
- No.
Bombed.
REBECCA-DIANE: Yeah,
we've always wanted to do
a gender-reversed production
- of Romeo and Juliet.
- Mmm-hmm.
Why don't you do it?
Well, I would love to do it
with you.
And I've been working
really hard and taking...
I mean, you know, the absolute
goal at the end of the day
is, of course, to perform,
but I don't think
we're quite at that place.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
- TROY: Ay, yikes.
MAN: (ON PHONE)
Hi, Mr. Rubinsky,
this is Carl
from Warwick Bank.
If you do not make a payment
on your mortgage this week,
we will initiate
foreclosure proceedings.
Please take action to avoid
repossession of your camp.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
"Repossession" means
the action of retaking
possession of something.
In particular, when a buyer
defaults on payments.
Whoa.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC CONTINUES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, what a beautiful...
ALL: Morning!
(ON MIC) All right. First up,
minor housekeeping issue.
Whoever stole my CBD gummies,
please return them.
No questions asked.
I'm pretty sure
I know who it was,
so just go ahead
and cough that up.
I can't sleep without them.
GIRL: CisHet bitch.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
Okay. Thank you for that.
Thank you.
Food has been so good.
Keep it up.
(CHAIR SLIDES)
GLENN: Ow!
TROY: Oh.
- Hey, sorry. Are you...
- Sorry.
No, it was completely
my fault. You're fine.
Hey, uh, do you wanna
have lunch with me?
By the way,
thanks for not telling anyone
about the foreclosure.
I really appreciate that.
I don't know
if I can do this, man.
I have no idea how my mom
kept this place afloat.
I mean,
the bank's way up my ass.
Plus, Tim keeps complaining
about being woken up
by the kids' singing.
Who's Tim?
My Airbnb bunkie.
This guy named Tim. That guy.
- Hey!
- I really can't afford
a bad review right now.
I swear, dude, I can usually
get down with any vibe.
But these kids, man.
They just don't wanna
meet me halfway.
Every time I come up
with a plan,
they call me the Music Man .
I don't even know
what that is.
Well, it's a musical.
Everything's a g*dd*mn
musical here, man.
GLENN: Well, yeah, it is.
'Cause it's sort
of their entire lives.
Like those kids.
That's actually
last year's cast of Rent.
It was a very
formative production.
It's all about family.
It's all about community.
Okay, see, that's...
- that's helpful.
- Good.
What about them?
GLENN: Those are Fosse kids.
If they snap at you,
just know that they're not
trying to be demanding.
It's just part
of the vocabulary.
These kids are smart.
If you need their help,
you just have to
sort of meet them
on their level.
CLIVE: And starfish, starfish,
starfish, and starfish.
Jiggle like a jackal.
Jiggle like a jackal.
You need to know that only
3% of people make it.
The rest of them
end up in a mental facility
or on a go-go box
in Hell's Kitchen.
AMOS: Let's just get a few
more selections today
from my collected
original works,
as we do every year.
That's a low blow, Eileen.
And don't pretend my IBS
isn't part of
why you haven't wanted
to touch me
in almost a decade.
It's got nothing to do
with your IBS, Roger.
I want you
to live a little bit more
with the reality
of having IBS
and what that might do
to your character.
Because I'm not really feeling
the detail of the IBS.
I wanna live, Mother.
Let's just try to throw some
different spices in there.
A little bit of pain,
a little bit of stepfather.
Got it. So hand me
my g*dd*mn lipstick.
- And let me live.
- Good.
Mostly a lot better.
Thank you, Darla. Take a seat.
JANET: Okay.
Today's a new thing.
I'm teaching, um,
stage combat.
What is it?
What is it?
It's the art of surprise.
It pushes the envelope
of what theater can be.
Absolutely.
But also
what do we think it is?
It causes our heart to skip
a b*at, but safely.
Does anybody have an answer
that's like, not poetry?
Maybe? You know what I mean?
Like a legal definition
of what it is.
It's basically like
teaching us how to fight.
Oh.
We are starting
our past lives seminar.
(ALL HUMMING)
You were a nurse
in World w*r II.
You fell in love with
one of your fellow nurses
and you were
the first lesbian nurse couple
that had ever lived.
Let that inform your singing.
You were President William
Howard Taft.
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
You are the oldest soul
in this room.
This is your last life.
(CHIME DINGS)
Wow, thank you all.
Thank you all for that.
All right, artists.
Next, we're going
to be doing some...
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
Um... Uh...
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
I'm so sorry. (STUTTERS)
I'll be back.
I just have to take this.
It's all good.
Hello?
Hi. Yes, I can be
available tonight.
(MOUTHING)
(MOUTHING)
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE)
All right, all-stars.
Whoa!
Look at this turnout.
Um, yes?
Are we doing a cabaret?
A what?
I think
it's a night of scene work.
That's totally what this is.
It's a night of scene work.
And here's the scene.
You guys are the staff
of a fine
dining establishment.
So anything those guys
in there order,
you say, "Yes,"
and then you bring it to them.
Like an improv exercise.
Can we make up
our own characters?
- MACKENZIE: And do accents?
- Okay.
Let's just get together here, Rotarians...
...and kick Oklahoma City's
fundraising ass.
Should we do that?
Huh? Cheers!
ROTARIANS: Cheers!
MAN: Cheers, cheers!
We're here thanks
to Troy Rubinsky.
- We're happy to have you guys.
- BILL: Thanks so much.
Thank you. Good. And I guess
we're gonna get served
by the campers here,
which I was not aware of.
(BILL CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
BILL: Dressing?
No. Is there...
All right. Well...
(LAUGHTER)
Hey, just eat it dry,
I guess, huh.
It's crazy that this is their
first immersive
theater experience.
I know.
We have a big responsibility.
Can I offer you a roll?
Or the chilling tale
about how I lost my daughter?
- (COUGHS)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
(HUMMING)
(CLICKS TONGUE) Ooh.
Reminder. Pay rent to mom.
Remember to check in
with RD about the finale.
Papier-mch nose.
LAINY: Amos!
Amos!
Rebecca missed her
nighttime performance.
That doesn't
sound like Rebecca.
Okay, but I'm craving
a performance.
- (UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
- (ROTARIANS MURMURING)
I think it's going
pretty good.
The kids are getting
real into it.
GLENN: Your mom knows
what she's talking about.
We help our own.
Men!
There's been an att*ck.
BOY: This is how we go.
It's been a pleasure
serving with you.
My son! My son!
All of my children
are dying in this w*r.
Are they getting too into it?
- ALICE: Save yourselves!
- I just, um...
I just really wanna go home.
AMOS: Well,
as we all know by now,
our bedtime performer
is missing in action.
Uh, I really apologize.
Waiting for entertainment
that's expected
is a painful experience.
This is very impromptu,
so I didn't really
have anything prepared, but...
Peter Piper picked a peck
of pickled peppers. Wait.
The peppers were pickled
when he picked them?
Peter Piper picked a priority.
And what was that priority
that Peter Piper picked?
Family.
Friends. Connection.
He picked a life.
These were triggers.
This has lasting effects, okay?
One guy had sort of
a Vietnam flashback
and you had kids
serving liquor.
That's gotta be illegal.
It was interesting, but no.
It was a bit.
She was doing...
No. But let's settle
on 40 bucks.
- TROY: Mmm-hmm.
- Troy, please.
You let me down.
This did not work out.
Yeah. Okay. Um...
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SIGHS HEAVILY)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
(CHILDREN TALKING
INDISTINCTLY)
Mikey. I'm still this close
to signing Darla.
Alan?
I'm in a middle
of a conversation.
You're supposed to be at dance
class. Come on. Let's go.
Ugh, jeez. Fine.
(BUSY SIGNAL)
- ALAN: I even told her...
- Alan!
...that she would
get top billing.
RITA: Off the phone!
(SIGHS) Just one second.
RITA: No seconds. Let's go.
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
Um...
How much for three bags?
That was never the rate.
It has always been
five dollars.
These better be
genuine Throat Coat.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
That's genuine Throat Coat.
That's genuine.
I don't even recognize you.
Where is my little Joan gone?
I'm still me, Tata.
No, your face is a new face.
MACKENZIE:
It's called rouge, Tata.
DEVON: The cheeks of a hussy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Let's hold. Let's hold.
Devon, you are on the stage,
but your partner
is fully alone.
And I think
you really need to...
I think that ultimately,
Devon, you need to just
kind of let in the pain
of being a father.
Like we need
to feel that pain.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY, STUTTERS)
But I'm not a father.
I don't know how to do that.
Did Julianne Moore
really have dementia? (SCOFFS)
(WHISPERS) No. No. No.
AMOS: Do the
connection exercise.
And then we'll try it again.
REBECCA-DIANE: Deliver.
Thank you
for all you're doing.
Thank you.
Aren't you gonna
say something?
REBECCA-DIANE: Oh!
You missed
your bedtime performance.
That's so unlike you.
What happened?
I'm so sorry.
I was just finishing
the finale
and I got distracted...
Yeah, I'm sure... This finale,
it's like this is repeated.
It's like, I love you,
but, we're getting
towards crunch time, okay?
And you have
other responsibilities
- which I know you know.
- I'm just playing catch up.
Okay, but just I need
my gal with me, so...
- I got you.
- Okay.
I'm still me, Tata.
No. Using your little hands
to write letters to the devil
and never once
to shape pierogi.
Just because dumplings
aren't my priority
anymore doesn't mean any...
You never once sent a suitor
home to your dying Tata.
This is not the Joan
that I know.
You know what, Tata?
You're right.
I decide who Joan is,
and I may not be who Joan was,
but, Tata, I am Joan, still.
- That got better.
- Better.
BOTH: (CHANTING)
That got better.
Very good.
Devon, the accent's
all over the place,
but it's much better.
REBECCA-DIANE: Yeah.
Mackenzie, extraordinary.
Mac. That was so good.
- Thank you.
- SEBASTIAN: Amazing.
- CHRISTOPHER L: She k*lled it.
- Stop!
(WHISPERS) She's using.
(SIGHS) Lift up your hands.
(BOTH SNIFFING)
(WHISPERS) She wouldn't.
Tear stick.
It's just Chapstick, I swear.
Give it to me.
REBECCA-DIANE: Oh, my God.
Mackenzie, I'm not mad.
I'm just furious.
Your tears should come
from within, from the story,
from the words on the page,
not from some emotional
grenade that you smuggled in.
What's a tear stick?
AMOS: Insult to the material.
Okay?
It's a mentholated eyeliner
that helps you cry.
Joan is screaming
and furious at you.
Because tear sticks
are doping for actors.
Do you wanna be the
Lance Armstrong of theater?
- No.
- Get off the stick.
(SNIFFLES) Get off the stick.
- (SNIFFLES)
- (TEAR STICK CLATTERS)
One day it's tear stick.
The next
you're calling for line
and pretty soon
your understudy's
on eight times a week
in Weehawken
or God knows where. Okay?
It's a slip-ry, slip-ry slope.
Devon, I'm so sorry.
(DEVON CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
Really, it's fine.
Tell him you're sorry.
I'm sorry, Devon.
It's really fine.
I choose to forgive.
But we don't forget.
But until the end,
the law can forgive.
(WHISPERS)
But without ever forgetting.
(CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
BY LIL NAS X PLAYING)
Hi! Welcome to AdirondACTS.
You guys having fun?
Enjoying the party? Yeah.
- (FRANNY GRUNTS)
- (ALL GASP)
FRANNY: Oh, my God, Lainy,
why would you do that?
You piss me off, like, a lot.
JANET: (CLAPPING) Whoo!
Let's go.
Stage combat.
You think this is fun
and games? Hitting?
It's not funny.
You're right. It's art.
- WENDY: No. It's not.
- Grow up.
Excuse me.
Have you seen Rebecca-Diane?
Is she out there? No?
Enjoy.
Where is she?
TROY: (ON MIC)
Yo, what up, AdirondACTS?
Welcome, Lakeside.
Just want you to know this
is not a free event for you.
Okay? Unless you're verified.
Thanks for coming out.
Man, this is a dream show
for me.
I know this one's
a theater camp classic, so
thought I'd put
a little twist on it.
MALE SINGER: (ON SPEAKERS)
Give my regards to Broadway
Remember me to Herald Square
Send my regards
to Broadway, bitch!
MALE SINGER:
Whisper of how I'm yearning
To mingle
with the old-time throng
TROY: Put 'em up!
Put 'em up! Put 'em up!
(ALL CHEERING)
MALE SINGER:
Give my regards to Old Broadway
And say
I'll be there 'ere long
TROY: That's what's up!
TROY: I know you're busy,
so I don't wanna
take too much of your time,
but the vibes are pretty good
in there, huh?
- Uh, sure.
- That was me DJing.
But look.
So I know, you know,
the Rotary Club thing
didn't really go to plan.
You took a lot of my kids
out of rehearsal for that.
I get that and I'm sorry,
and I'm still perfecting
the formula here,
but I've recently had,
like, a surge of ideas,
you know, that would bring
some additional revenue.
You know, one of 'em is, like,
maybe we send the kids
into the city to do,
like, singing telegrams.
Okay. Incredibly dangerous.
Maybe we do
like remote students.
But, okay. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
TROY: Maybe, maybe...
We don't need any
of these ideas, okay, Troy?
We don't need
any of these ideas.
Yeah.
Your mother managed
to keep this place running
in the face
of a lot of financial trouble
and never once
did she compromise
the artistic vision
to save money. Okay?
Right. (STUTTERS) You know,
that's kind of what
I'm trying to get after.
Yes. No, no, no. I understand.
I understand that.
But what you don't understand
is the importance
of what we do here, okay?
This place is for people
who need it, okay?
People who aren't accepted
anywhere else.
You are not
one of those people, Troy.
You are not one of us.
- (SIGHS)
- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Becks-Di?
Rebecca...
Oh. Not her.
Be sure to cherish
these relationships, okay?
'Cause they're gone
in a flash.
Just wanted you to know that.
CAROLINE: Of course,
she's gonna cry.
I'm laying her off
'cause she cries too much.
- TROY: Mrs. Krauss.
- Oh. Hi.
Dope that you made it.
(CHUCKLES, STAMMERS)
I'm happy to be here.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
So, um, things have taken
a bit of a turn here
and I've been thinking
about the offer.
Me too.
A lot.
Yeah. Um...
I just feel like
it would be a,
you know, lucrative
and mutually beneficial partnership.
Like for the both of us though.
Wow. Well, that's great.
(CHUCKLES)
So, like,
does the offer still stand?
Yes, Troy.
Barnswell would love
to work with you.
Wow!
- Yeah.
- Nice.
I have to say I'm super
excited to work with someone
who knows the TUVs
of deal making.
Did you just say the TUVs?
Trust. You won't regret it.
And vibes.
Trust. Won't regret it. Vibes.
You've been watching my vlogs?
(CHUCKLES) Religiously.
Stop.
The GoPro loves you.
- Don't understand.
- SEBASTIAN: I'm here
- having a wonderful time.
- CHRISTOPHER L: Devon!
SEBASTIAN: Where?
(CHRISTOPHER L
AND SEBASTIAN GASP)
(STUTTERS) It's not
what it looks like.
SEBASTIAN:
What the hell is this?
We were supposed to be
manifesting. It's a full moon.
They were saying no one
at theater camp
could play football.
I'm just proving to them
that I could.
(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(REBECCA-DIANE GROANS)
Oh, my God.
Good morning, girlboss.
Coffee. You've gone crazy.
TROY: I'm wild.
- Oh, man.
- CAROLINE: Mmm.
Wow.
Thank you.
So, last night
was pretty hot, huh?
(CHUCKLES) It was really hot.
You were so bussin'.
I came here just to do work
and I ended up
meeting someone
- who took my breath away.
- Same.
Then, like,
shoved it back in my mouth.
God, I just feel like
I can really, like,
reach my full potential here.
You know.
Yeah. Me too.
With Barnswell's backing,
like, I can finally,
you know, start to implement
some real change
around this place.
Troy, don't you remember
the agreement
that you signed last night?
Yeah, it was to get us out
of the foreclosure.
(FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome to Tech Week, campers.
(ON SPEAKERS) Performances
are just a few days away,
so let's stay focused on
bringing those shows to life.
And if you have any issues,
you look for Glenn.
I'm sure he'll have time
to help you.
- MAN 1: (ON RADIO) Glenn.
- Go for Glenn.
LAINY: Glenn,
we need you in props.
MAN 1: Glenn,
where's our bush?
MAN 2: Glenn, where's my damn
wagon wheel?
MAN 1: Glenn?
WOMAN: Glenn,
what's your 20?
There's a leak in the lobby.
MAN 1: Glenn, we're missing
the king's cane.
(MUSIC STOPS)
(MUSIC RESUMES)
Oh, my God, Gigi,
move it along.
- I'm trying.
- This is not giving.
I'm trying, okay?
My nails are gonna break.
RITA: (ON RADIO) Glenn, Glenn,
the smoke machine
is out of control.
GLENN: Zeroing in
on the source.
(CHILDREN COUGHING)
Oh, God, I'm dodging pilgrims
left and right.
Nice.
- Thank you.
- MAN 1: Glenn?
Go for Glenn.
AMOS: (ON MIC)
Darla, can you just move
a little bit to your right?
Just scooch the... Yes, bring
the bassinet. That's right.
REBECCA-DIANE: See?
And I think it should just
be a little bit to the left.
I think it just
doesn't make sense.
Darla, step to the right.
REBECCA-DIANE: No,
I think we had discussed
that everything
would be on the left
for this number,
so let's just...
We're gonna go ahead
and put it where we...
Darla, this is your
director speaking.
You're gonna go ahead
and move to the right
- with the bassinet.
- Co-director here as well.
And just move on
over to the left
and get too far on that side
so we can't quite
bring you back.
Joan's whole world has been
established stage right.
So you're gonna take
two steps to the right.
That's where we always
play her hero moments.
Now cheat out. Cheat out.
REBECCA-DIANE: (WHISPERING)
Why are you acting like this?
I'm just a little bit tired
of co-directing with a ghost.
Well, I'm not a ghost.
I am a human person
that is alive. I am here.
I care about this show.
Do you?
I wouldn't have any idea.
You've been completely absent
since the beginning
of the session, okay?
And I need to run
my rehearsal now.
So, thank you.
Darla, let's just
run the song, okay?
You're fine right there.
Music, please.
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
(SINGING)
Thought my dreaming was done
All I needed was one
Revelation to show me my boy
That my life had truly begun
So I offer the sun
Salutation Hello to my Troy
I will build this theatrical place
Giving children a safe, loving space
It will grow from the magic and grace
That I see in your face
Rebecca-Diane.
Rebecca-Diane,
can I talk to you?
No, I'm in the middle of tech.
Just...
- Troy.
- Real quick. Real quick.
DARLA: (SINGING)
Know your dream's never done
You're my moon and my sun
My foundation, my beautiful Troy
TROY: Hey. Look.
I'm sorry for even asking.
I feel really weird
even bringing this up.
I don't have time. We're
in the middle of tech week.
- TROY: No, I get that.
- So just tell me what's up.
I get that. I just...
Do you think you could give my
mom a message for me?
Yeah, for sure.
I'll give your mom a message.
TROY: No, no, no.
Please. It's really important.
Troy.
- I hear that.
- TROY: It's really important.
REBECCA-DIANE:
I just don't have time.
Just tell her I need her help.
Say, "Troy needs your help."
Five, six, seven, eight.
We're going towards the nose.
Live it up and step.
Step towards the nose.
Head to the nose.
I don't choose
when she comes inside of me.
Okay, but can you just try?
Mom, please!
- What are you doing?
- You said she was in you.
She's not in my breasts.
I'm not that...
I'm not... That's not...
Tell her it's important.
Just tell her...
Please tell her
it's important.
Tell her
it's really important.
Okay. Okay, I'm gonna...
All right.
I just need to talk to her.
- Okay.
- Okay.
(IMITATES JOAN) Troy.
Mom?
It's your mom.
Mom.
Thank God. It's so good
to hear your voice.
I know it's been a minute
since we've chatted.
Um...
I miss you.
Kind of a lot.
You know, I'm sorry
for not trying harder
to understand
what you were doing here
with this place and this camp.
I was a kid, you know.
I just wanted to
go to sleepovers
at Dakota's house
and set cool away messages
and make my Sims
have sex and...
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Troy,
you said there was something
that you actually needed.
- You're right. I always do this.
- And it was urgent.
Look,
I should have tried harder
to understand
what you were doing here.
Because, you know, I get it.
These people are really weird.
Especially Rebecca-Diane.
But they're wonderful.
Look, I messed up, Mom. Okay?
And I'm really sorry,
and I hope you forgive me.
And I really need
your advice right now,
but I'm sorry I sold the camp.
Hey.
AMOS: (ON MIC) Rebecca-Diane?
What'd my mom say?
What the...
(TROY SIGHS)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Rebecca-Diane,
we are at a standstill.
Good work, you guys.
REBECCA-DIANE: Yes?
Welcome back.
Uh, we need to see
the finale now.
- Yeah.
- We are out of time.
- So we need to hear it.
- Let's do the finale tomorrow.
REBECCA-DIANE: Sounds good?
Okay, well,
tomorrow's our only chance
to run the entire show.
So I at least
need to hear it musically,
so I can block something,
and these kids
can start to learn it.
- (GROANS)
- Because tomorrow they have
to run it top to bottom
and then perform it.
So let's hear
the finale song, please.
It's just so unfortunate,
because we do not
have the track,
so that we don't have any way
to play the song.
So you can just
sing it for us.
I've lost my voice.
Okay, well... You're gonna
have to find it again.
And we have this.
So you can just
play it yourself for us. Okay?
You love this.
There you go.
Who's excited
to hear the finale?
(ALL CHEERING)
(AMOS CLEARS THROAT)
And what is it called?
It's called...
"Camp."
That's original.
(PLAYING ZITHER)
(SINGING)
Girl with an open Snapple
A boy who's looking down
We all come here for
Summertime
Camp
Isn't home
But isn't it?
In a way
It kind of is
Oh, it
Kind of is
Let's raise a toast
But in the glass isn't alcohol
It's something more profound than alcohol
It's truth
Drums, boom, boom, boom.
(IMITATES DRUMS PLAYING)
Flute.
(IMITATES FLUTE PLAYING)
Sustained.
(RESUMES FLUTE PLAYING)
(SINGING)
All coming together for
Boom.
What the f*ck was that?
It was the finale.
You're telling me
that's something
that you wrote
before just now?
That's the song
that you needed time away
from meaningful traditions,
missing time with the kids,
ruining the process of
creating this piece together
because you've been running
off working on the finale.
It was that?
Rebecca,
I'm not an idiot, okay?
You made that up.
So I'm just
trying to understand
what you thought
we were gonna do today.
You were just gonna
have these kids
have no ending to the show?
You said, "I got the finale.
I can do it."
So I trusted you
like I always do.
What have you been doing
all this time?
I got a job, okay?
What, like you're tutoring
kids in singing?
What are you talking about?
I just signed a two-year
contract with Duchess Cruises.
I'm a featured soloist in
Cole Porter on the Waves.
So yeah,
I've been a little distracted.
AMOS: Sorry, you're taking
a performance job?
Since when are you
taking performance jobs?
Because I wanna be
a performer!
Okay, I thought we were both
full-time teachers
aspiring to be performers.
When is that gonna happen?
I wanna perform.
Well, that's great. I just
wish maybe you'd told me.
I always thought maybe we'd
make that decision together
- like we do most things.
- It's impossible
to tell you anything
because you interrupt
- everything that I say.
- That's not true.
I do not interrupt everything
that you say, Rebecca.
I'm just trying to share
my feelings with you...
Every single thing that I...
...the way
that I have for 15 years.
- Every single thing that I...
- That's not true, Rebecca.
Everything that I say.
I am unable to...
That's not true, Rebecca.
That is not true.
How could you do this to me?
You?
This has nothing
to do with you.
Exactly.
Why would you do something
that has nothing
to do with me?
Let that statement
just sit in the space.
It looks great. I stand by it.
I mean... (STUTTERS) What?
I don't understand
what you're getting at.
I just want something else.
That should be okay.
That's really nice for you,
Rebecca, but you shouldn't
leave the best kids
in the camp in the lurch
with no show to perform.
- Okay, I've...
- That was selfish.
I make sacrifices for them.
Because they're talented
and they deserve it.
I sacrifice
everything else in my life
for this job and for them.
What do you sacrifice?
I got a callback
for Juilliard.
And I didn't go because
I wanted to be here with you.
You've just kinda been lying
to me for like, 10 years.
I'm happy for you, Rebecca.
I'm thrilled for you.
I think it's great that
you've left these kids
with no show
and all for a cruise.
A non-narrative piece
on a cruise.
(DOOR OPENS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
- Excuse me.
- Hi.
Um... Guys,
this is a teardown.
Um, can we get this up?
Can we see what's under here?
Yeah, we're gonna tear the...
- TROY: Maybe don't. Maybe...
- ...the place down.
- Let's see what's under here.
- TROY: Do we need to do this?
Let's talk this out first.
I don't think
we need to do that.
Sorry, we're in the middle
of rehearsal.
Hi. We're in the middle
of something too. Hi.
Troy, what's going on?
No, it...
Everything's fine, guys.
Everything is gonna be okay.
- It doesn't look okay.
- ALICE: No, it's not.
No, it's not.
What are they doing?
Listen, I know this place
meant a lot to you.
But I do hope you'll consider
joining the Lakeside family
next summer.
ALICE: No.
- What does that mean?
- Not happening, lady.
Troy, you sold the camp
to Lakeside?
It's more of a partnership.
- Demolition is next week.
- Just stop. Please, stop.
Next week? Tell them...
CHRISTOPHER L:
Can she be gone now?
Please.
Nobody wants you here.
CHRISTOPHER S: Get her and her
knockoff Chanel bag
out of here.
TROY: It will be okay.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
CLIVE: Cheer up, kids.
(JAZZ MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
MACKENZIE: This is like,
my first time sneaking out.
SEBASTIAN: Shh! Guys.
ALICE: Shush!
DARLA: I know
we're all scared right now
and we don't know
if the show's happening.
I heard that the Lakeside kids
get to be
in all the shows now, too.
Lainy told me
that Troy smokes dr*gs.
I heard, that they're cutting
all of the tone-deaf kids.
SEBASTIAN: Hey, guys.
Rumors are rumors.
This could be our
last week here. Maybe ever.
So let's make our mark
while we can.
We don't know
what's gonna happen.
But as Joan always says,
summers come and go.
But what happens
on this stage,
that's eternal.
AMOS: Jesus.
Hey, sorry to bother you,
but are we planning
on rehearsing later?
Let's see. Our composer
has deserted us
and I refuse to tell
a slapdash,
trainwreck version
of Joan's story,
so, no.
The show is dead in the water.
Okay, well, I have this
Zoom director's session
for a movie
about a pregnant gymnast.
They're already filming,
and someone dropped out.
And I was wondering
if you could help me?
I...
I can't stomach industry sides
right now.
So just let me
hang my shirts in peace.
I could really use your help
with the characterization.
What are the character's
allergies?
What?
Oh, God,
we have a lot of work to do.
Let's get a notebook,
and let's start taking some notes.
Wow, "one of,"
I'd love to know
who these other teachers are.
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
DEVON'S DAD: Here he comes.
Hi, baby!
(DEVON'S DAD CHUCKLES)
DEVON: Hey, Dads.
DEVON'S DAD:
Oh, God, I missed you.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- TROY: My guy, massive news.
I think I figured out
how to save the camp.
How?
So I was going over the
Barnswell deal that I signed,
like all last night
and this morning
and I noticed they only take
possession of the camp
if the bank forecloses.
Caroline just assumed that we
would fail. But the truth is
we still can come up with the
money to hold off the bank.
And how do you expect us
to find this money, Troy?
That is where the
en-Troy-preneurship comes in.
- Right.
- I sent out an email blast
to my ride or dies,
the Founding Ballers,
and I invited them
to the show.
Right? These guys are like
primo business influencers, Glenn.
So if they come here,
and they see
our little freaky-deakies
in action,
crushing Joan, Still,
they'll have to invest.
They'll be
emptying their pockets.
Yeah, no, they sound,
uh, extremely legit.
Yeah.
Um, and I think it's nice that
you wanna do this for the camp
and for your mom,
but we don't have any creative
visionaries left. Okay?
What are you talking about?
Yes, we do.
We have you, Glenn.
Show everyone how much
they've been
underestimating you.
Finish the job.
CHILDREN: Yes!
SEBASTIAN: Totally, Glenn. Come on, Glenn.
Glenn, you got this.
Come on, Glenn.
TROY: What do you say, man?
(LIVELY MUSIC CONTINUES)
What's up,
my little dollar ballers?
It's your boy Salem here
with my other
Founding Ballers out here.
And we're out here checking
on a potential
investment opportunity.
Things are a little crazy,
and your boy, Salem...
I'm feeling a little volatile.
So I'm gonna take a chance,
- and we're gonna see some little kids...
- Ballers. Wow.
Given the current ecosystem
of the crypto...
The whole squad. What's up, Salem?
Yeah, give me a second here. Yeah,
I'm just gonna finish this one quick.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
What's bussin'?
What's bussin'?
Hey. What's bussin', guys?
I can't believe you guys came.
Yeah, man.
Thanks for having us.
- I've seen like every vlog.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah.
I got your merch.
I have that shirt.
Heard she's the lead in this one.
TROY: I just wanna say thank
you all for all your hard work
in the last 24 hours.
I look around and I see
a lot of prepared faces.
I'd say no pressure, but...
it's a little bit of pressure.
You know?
Gigi, you got anything?
Um, I would like to say
that I was very angry
with you guys
a couple hours ago.
Uh, but I'm over it.
All right, guys.
Put your hands in. Come on.
- One, two, three!
- ALL: Joan, Still!
(ALL CHEERING)
BOY: Let's do this!
Sorry. Uh, can someone
just tell me
like, the status
on this woman?
Is she alive or dead?
You're a liar.
Excuse me?
A very good one.
I think you'd make
a fantastic agent.
I'm trying to get my company
off the ground.
Think about it.
I'm always here.
Excuse me.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING)
(FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
AMOS: Kids. Kids, have you
seen Darla? Darla anywhere?
Darla!
Darla!
Darla, you have to go on.
(PANTING) You see
what they're doing?
They're ruining our show.
Why are you leaving?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Amos, okay?
You must be Amos.
Oh, my granddaughter has had
the best time with you
this summer.
We have got
the most gushing letters.
Well, she said you were
a little tough on her, but...
her craft
has never been better.
Oh, um...
Hurry up and say
your goodbyes, honey.
Quickly, because we don't
wanna catch traffic. (KISSES)
You always told me
that I needed
to open myself up
to character roles,
that ingnue isn't everything.
I listened,
and I booked the job.
Maybe I'll see you
next summer.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Good evening, AdirondACTS.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Special shout-out to my crew,
Founding Ballers.
Thanks for coming out.
As most of you know,
my name is Troy,
and I've been blessed
with having an amazing mother.
- A woman...
- Oh, my God.
...all of you know and love.
Unfortunately, she is unable
to be with us tonight.
So we've decided
to bring the show
to her via a live feed.
Give it up for Joan!
She really looks good.
I think she's lost weight.
I think so, too.
Our kids have worked their
little butts off all summer
to do my mom's story justice
and to hopefully bring you
the best night of your lives.
Are you ready?
(ALL CHEERING)
This one's for you, Mom.
Let's blow the roof off
that ICU!
CHORUS: (SINGING) Joan then
Joan now
Joan does
Somehow
Troy, it's me. Troy, it's me.
You know, I don't think
this show is gonna work out.
- Shh.
- Joan will
Shh. Are you playing a game?
Joan can
Joan still
Tonight we take you
to the start
of our great founder's
b*ating heart.
Our tale begins in '63.
A young girl
and her father flee.
Though planes could fly
and girls could vote,
for some reason,
they took a boat.
CHORUS: (SINGING) America
America
We're sailing to America
In 1963
Oh, my little Joan, come.
Look at the horizon.
Think of all the possibilities
that await you.
(SINGING) In America
Enlightened nation
Where even women get education
From clean to cook, every skill you need
Don't fret, I'll tell the recipes
'Cause women cannot read
Hey! Women cannot read
Women cannot read
A, B, C, D, she don't know
'Cause women cannot read
MACKENZIE: Okay, I know
there's something better
DEVON: America
MACKENZIE:
Than to cook and do the cleaning
DEVON: Enlightened nation
- But I look at every letter
- Where even women
- And I wanna know its meaning
- Get education
I'm wrestling with these words
DEVON: From clean to cook
That I'm an inch away
from knowing
DEVON: Every skill you need
My eyes are moving
back and forth
The sense of it is growing
(STUTTERS)
- Jifka was sh*t!
- (CHORUS GASP)
CHORUS: (SINGING)
Maybe she can read
- No way!
- Maybe she can read
DEVON: That's luck
A, B, C, D, she can't know!
CHORUS: Or maybe she can read!
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING
IN DISTANCE)
So Joan ended the affair
with her
astrology professor
and she used her diploma
to get a job
as a mailroom clerk
at the New York
Stock Exchange.
(INDISTINCT,
OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
SEBASTIAN: If I'm not making money,
then I'm losing money.
If I'm losing money,
you're losing your job
and you're all fired!
(SINGING)
From my corner in the mailroom
Under the ground I hear
CHORUS: The Wall Street noise!
It's a beautiful sound
Sorting letters, getting older
Makin' minimum pay
While the brokers get richer
I could listen all day
When you buy, it's the feeling
Of a-jumpin' to the ceiling
CHORUS: Buy the stock
Buy the stock
Buy the stock
Then martini time, boys.
(SINGING) Will I ever be part
of the Wall Street noise?
(BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING)
It's a shimmy in the shoulders
When you talk to the shareholders
Guiltless greed
is one of life's great joys
Maybe someday I'll stomp
In the Wall Street
Noise
They messed up one
little turn, but it's okay.
I didn't see it.
I think we should
just move forward.
(SINGING)
Sell the stocks shareholders buy
Sell the stocks shareholders buy
Sell the stocks, shareholders!
And as Joan rose through
the ranks of the company
and her profits
grew and grew,
so did she!
(SCATTERED CLAPPING)
Is that the tech guy?
Somebody get me portfolios
on line four.
I'll be in my corner office.
- Sure thing, boss.
- Let's do this.
(SINGING) You do this
You do that
Fix that graph and get me stats
CHORUS: She's a stock broker
Deep down and dirty dealing
Got the checks
Got the cash
And I'm smashing that glass ceiling
CHORUS:
Now she's part of this sound
And I found my voice
CHORUS: As she's making people millions
Screwing innocent civilians
With her fab flap and brilliance
In the Wall Street
Noise!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
CHORUS: Studio 54!
Dark room
Bright lights
Debbie Harry wearing tights
CHORUS: Stiff drink
High heels
David Geffen doing deals
CHORUS:
Lovers and strangers and big chandeliers
Got no home to go to
So I'm staying here
- CHORUS: Live it up
- Like there's no tomorrow
CHORUS: Tomorrow, give it up
GLENN: To the groovy
- CHORUS: Disco glittery light
- Disco glittery light
CHORUS: Live it up
'Cause if there's no tomorrow
Nothing matters to me
So get lost inside the boogie tonight
And cue cocaine.
CHORUS: (SINGING)
Live it up
Don't you have school tomorrow?
CHORUS: Give it up
Suddenly, the disco doesn't feel right
CHORUS: Give away
The troubles and the sorrow
Someone's gotta save ya
From degenerate behavior tonight
Quick. Give me
your hand, little girl.
I'll save you.
I'm an artiste,
and artistes
don't need saving.
Sometimes they do!
Wow, Joan. You were right.
I guess I did need your help.
Have you ever
considered becoming...
a teacher?
GLENN: (SINGING)
I'll make it through tomorrow
Only gonna have three cocktails a week
I'll quit my job tomorrow
These children matter to me
So I'll apply to SUNY
Tonight
Jesus, he's good.
(SINGING)
Thought my dreaming was done
All I needed was one
Revelation to show me my boy
(WHISPERING) That kid's good.
I'm gonna make him a star.
I was actually
just thinking the same thing.
GLENN: Now I offer this sun Salutation
Hello to my Troy
I will build this theatrical place
Hey.
Hey, do you like this?
I'm over here, I'm like...
(SNORES, CHUCKLES)
CHRISTOPHER S: And finally,
after selling her father's
beloved pierogi recipe
for a small fortune,
Joan purchased
a beautiful plot of land
located right in the middle
of the Adirondack Mountains.
This land is beautiful.
And the stage could go here.
And all the children looking
for somewhere to belong.
I can almost see them.
(SINGING)
A girl with an open Snapple
A boy who's looking down
The faces and the memories
That we have from right now
Raise a glass for everyone
That will come through these halls
But in the glass isn't alcohol
It's something more profound
And the halls aren't halls at all
Of course, they're trees
And lakes
And birds
CHORUS: We all fly
To find a place we can belong
We all fly
To find a place we can call home
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
Kind of it is
I think it kind of is
BOTH: Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
I think it kind of is
Where every kid picked last in gym
Finally makes the team
BOTH:
Where square pegs find their holes
And outcasts find their dreams
BOTH:
It's a melting pot where belting girls
And boys in tiny shorts
CHORUS:
Come to find forever friendships
Just four hours from New York
We all fly
To find a place we can belong
We all fly
To find a place we can call home
A place we can call Joan
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
Kind of it is
I think it kind of is
It kind of is
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
I think it kind of is
We all fly
Camp taught me
that my words are powerful.
Without camp,
I would've never known
I could sing a high F
above middle C.
At camp, I learned that
you don't have to be pretty
to be talented.
It's just a bonus.
(WHISPERING) I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- You finished the song.
It's so beautiful.
I did it for you.
You should do whatever
you wanna do
and pursue your dreams, okay?
I'm going to stay here.
If there is a here,
I belong here.
Well, I'll come back
all the time.
- Promise?
- I promise.
You're not getting rid of me.
At camp,
I learned to live in my truth
as a heterosexual man.
We knew. (SOBBING)
We always knew, buddy.
Good job.
Glenn is amazing.
Glenn is so good,
it makes me upset.
- It's insane.
- It makes me upset.
(VOCALIZING)
CHORUS: (SINGING) We all fly
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
Kind of it is
I think it kind of is
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
I think it kind of is
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
Kind of it is
I think it kind of is
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
I think it kind of is
I hope I see you next summer.
Thanks for being
so hard on me.
I know it was
for a good reason.
Harness this pain and use it
in the future, okay?
CHORUS: (SINGING)
Camp isn't home
But is it kind of?
I think it kind of is
Joan, Still
- (MUSIC ENDS)
- (ALL CHEERING)
TROY: Yeah.
AMOS: That's lit!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
- WOMAN: Bravo! Bravo!
- She's awake!
I have no idea what this was,
who set this up,
why I'm watching this,
but what a pleasure!
What a thrill! What talent!
Uh, must have set it up
in the wrong room.
You lifted my spirits, kids.
Yeah, that was my bad.
And Joan, what a woman she is.
But Joan, Still, right?
That is something
to celebrate.
I can't wait to see you
on Broadway.
You kids are wonderful.
You're all going to be big,
big stars!
(BETTER NOW
BY POST MALONE PLAYING)
(GASPS)
Don't let Troy run the camp!
Oh, you're up, huh?
I just saw a whole show
about your life.
The kids did an amazing job.
(SINGING) Camp isn't home
Oh, what a song.
You slept through it.
I watched it.
Well, um, do you know
why I'm here?
No.
( BETTER NOW CONTINUES)
(FRANTIC JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
REBECCA-DIANE:
(SINGING) Bye class
We're done
The ghosts of our past selves are done
We are gone, we are gone
We are now new people
We are now new people
We are now the children of the plants
REBECCA-DIANE:
Thank you guys so much.
I'll see you next week.
Or tomorrow. I don't remember.
Theater Camp (2023)
Moderator: Maskath3