Crooked Web, The (1955)

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hello, Angelo, Stan Fabian.

Yeah, look, I want 50 across
on Lady Gentry in the third,

and I want $100 to show on
Speedy Kid in the fifth.

Okay, I'll call you later, right.

Hey, Ed, what's holding up that stack?

I only got two hands, you know.

Well, shake it up.

Some horn-happy creep just pulled in.

Let him honk.

If it isn't Long Shot Stan.

How come you're not at the track

on a nice quiet day like
this playing a favorite?

Why should I be?

I got a sure thing right here.

Ugh, Why don't you...?

Hi, Joanie!

What are you doing here?

On my way to Chicago.

Pick up a stack!

Well, don't let me keep you.

Hey, wait a minute, I'm thirsty!

Stan, hand me the waffles, will ya?

Sure.

Something I can do for you?

I just dropped in to see my sister.

She work here?

Yeah, Joan Daniel.

You're not Frank, are ya?

That's right.

Why didn't you say so?

I'm Stan Fabian.

- Well, glad to know ya!
- I'm glad to know you, too.

Heard all about you.

Oh, from Joanie?

Yeah, she told us she was
working for a very nice guy.

Order, Stan.

Okay

Some surprise, huh, honey?

Yeah, Frank is full of surprises.

Always kidding, that kid.

When'd you get in town?

Just now.

I feel like I'm still riding.

Like something to drink?

Okay, root beer'd be fine.

Right.

How about something to eat?

I had lunch in Santa Barbara.

Tell me, how are all
the folks up in Portland?

Okay

Sounds like Joanie told you all about us.

She gave me the whole rundown.

$1.28 out of five.

Here you are, honey.

Plan on staying awhile?

Oh, I'm going on to Chicago.

That is, if...

"If" is right!

If you think I'm gonna give you any money

for this crazy deal of yours,
you're wasting your time.

You talk too much, big mouth!

What the...?

It's all right, Stan.

I just want him to know how things stand.

Well, just don't pop
off in front of strangers.

It's none of their business.

I'm not exactly a stranger.

Joanie and I are pretty good friends.

That's nice work if you can get it.

And it looks like you are.

You...

Don't you think you're
getting a little out of line?

Okay, so I'm sorry, I
shouldn't have said it.

Why don't you give that
mind of yours an airing?

Ah, that's all right, honey.

I guess a brother's got a right
to worry about his sister.

Who cares, I can take care of myself.

What do you say we all have dinner

down at the barn tonight, okay?

Aw, I don't wanna barge in.

You're not barging in.

Be my guest.

Aw, come on, honey, you know
the slogan of this place,

"Service with a smile".

Let me see a smile on that
pretty little kisser of yours.

Atta girl.

Just a natural-born umpire.

Come on, Frank, we'll get you cleaned up.

So, by the time that I got out of the Army

I was a pretty good cook.

Had a couple thousand dollars saved up,

and I put it in the Beehive.

Kinda tough at first...

Listen, Stan, can't we
talk about something else

besides the drive-in?

I get enough of that place
wrassling trays all day.

You wouldn't have to wrassle trays

if you'd listen to reason.

I mean the kind of reason

that goes on the third
finger of the left hand.

Doesn't sound like a bad
proposition to me, Joanie.

Not if I don't mind
placing second to a horse.

Meet Long Shot Stan.

On top of the world
today, in hock tomorrow.

No sir.

When I get married, I
wanna have some security.

I want a home and a family.

The only ponies I wanna hear about

are the Shetlands for the kids.

I'll quit tomorrow.

I'll put it in writing.

Where, on the back of a scratch sheet?

Hey, Joanie, better
take it a little easy.

Who sent for you?

Oh, come on, honey, come on now.

Frank, tell me, this deal in Chicago

takes a little capital, hmm?

Well, yeah.

How much?

3000.

A mere bag of shells.

3000, huh?

Well, don't look at me.

If you wanna loan him the
money, it's your funeral.

Just don't blame me.

Tell him what it's about.

The big goose chase.

All right, all right, there
you go spouting off again!

Some umpire, huh?

Oh, I'm sorry, Stan.

I'm sorry I loused up your evening.

You couldn't louse up our evening.

Could he, honey?

Like to finish this dance?

That's the best idea I've heard tonight.

[Frank} Whoa, Whoa!

Here all of a sudden, hey?

Oh, that's a Daniel for you.

Baseball drinkers.

Three drinks and they're out.

I think I better take her home.

I wanna go to the Rainbow Room.

There you go.

I'm okay.

I'll wait here.

See you tomorrow, Joanie.

Who cares?

Come on, Stan, let's
go to the Rainbow Room.

Okay, sweetheart.

We'll go to the Rainbow Room.

Come on.

I guess you can tell I'm pretty
nuts about that kid, huh?

Well, all I can say
is keep punching, pal.

Punching?

I've been knocking myself out.

I got a rule, you know.

Never fool around with any of the carhops.

It's a business.

And along comes Joanie
and out goes the rule.

Oh boy, she's a real doll.

All she ever wanted was
work and nothing else.

She's all work and no play,
always has been, that kid.

She's out for one thing, security.

Security?

For some girls, that's a mink
coat and a million dollars,

and with others it's three squares a day

and a roof over your head.

You figure it.

Joanie told me about your deal.

What deal?

All right, don't get sore.

Maybe she was loaded.

Maybe she was making the whole thing up.

Yeah, maybe she was.

What did she tell you?

Oh, I don't know, something about

some gold knickknacks that you
liberated from some chateau

while you were in the Army.

Oh, brother, what a few drinks will do.

They're worth about $200,000.

What else did she tell you?

Well, that you had a partner,

a buddy in Chicago that you
were meeting on the first.

Some imagination.

And that's why you needed the dough,

because you and this partner

were supposed to each put up
$3000 to finance the trip.

That Joanie should be a writer.

You know it's still there?

I don't know anything!

Suppose I'm willing to
invest $3000 to find out.

Look, save your dough,

that won't help you any with Joanie.

She'll wind up marrying you, all right.

She may not show it,
but she likes you a lot.

She's not the only
reason that I'm interested.

$200,000 is a lot of scratch.

Even half of it isn't bad.

Look, the deal is between
the other guy and me,

just the two of us.

So forget it, huh?

Sleep on it, will ya, Frank?

I'll see ya in the morning.

'Night.

All right.

Who is it?

Joanie?

Darling!

How long has it been?

A million years.

Seems longer to me.

Thank heaven you're here.

The coffee.

You do a mighty cute drunk.

That was practically no act.

How are we doing?

I think we've got him hooked.

I hope so.

I don't how much longer
I can hold him off.

Yeah, he certainly took his time

saying goodnight to you tonight, huh?

Takes his free time every night.

That's the trouble.

You just keep sparring him, honey.

He may be bigger than you
are, but you've got the speed.

Just thought I'd stop by

and let you know how things were going

'cause tomorrow's our big day.

It's gonna be a busy little beehive.

Thought any more

about what we were
talking about last night?

Yeah, I have.

You look at a calendar lately?

Haven't got much time left, have you?

What's with Joanie this morning?

It's half past nine already.

Oh, she'll be here.

Good old Ed.

He's the best short order man there is.

I had to give him a piece
of the joint to keep him.

Yeah?

I'm sorry I'm late, Stan.

Aw, that's all right, honey.

How do you feel?

Like my head's stuck
on with scotch tape.

Why don't you take the day off?

I'll be all right after
I have a cup of coffee.

Sure, okay.

She works real hard, that kid.

Always has all her life.

Maybe she deserves a break.

Stan, how would you like
to take Joanie to Europe

on your honeymoon?

Are you kidding?

No.

She's always dreamed about
traveling and seeing the world.

She used to flip every time I'd tell her

about some of the places
I'd seen overseas.

Well, I think she might
go for the European trip,

but the honeymoon, I don't know.

Well, you can sell her once she knows

you're in on the deal.

What about your partner?

Well, if he won't cut you in,
I'll split my half with you.

Tell you what I'll do.

If Joanie goes for it, you got a deal.

But you gotta sell her.

Well, if it ain't the queen bee.

What brings you to the hive this morning?

It's a great day for
making honey, honey.

Well, here I am.

Where is everybody?

Aw, they'll be back.

Maybe I oughta take off the slacks

and put on a bikini bathing suit.

Yeah, if you did that, honey,

we'd have to beat 'em off with a stick.

Joanie, how'd you like to
take a little trip to Europe?

With you?

And Stan.

I told you Frankie
was full of surprises.

What's the angle this time?

Stan's in on the deal.

You just can't resist
a long shot, can you?

Honey, I haven't said yes yet.

Well, go ahead, Frankie,
tell us all about it.

Well, you and Stan
could make it a honeymoon.

A honeymoon?

Me and Stan?

Listen, Cupid, what
makes you think I'm ready

for a honeymoon?

You're always talking about security.

$100,000 is a lot of security.

How do you feel about it, Stan?

You know the way I feel about you.

You just say the word and we go.

I tell you what.

Suppose we start the honeymoon
after we have the money.

Miss Daniel, turn in your uniform.

But what about the
place, who's gonna run it?

Ed can run it with his brother Andy

and a couple of carhops.

I still don't know.

Come on.

What do you say, honey,

shall I go down and get us our passports?

I don't know, you're
coming at me awful fast.

What do you say, honey?

Stan.

Here they come, sweetheart.

Come on, wake up.

Gotta make a good impression
on your brother's buddy.

Okay?

Ray, my kid sister Joanie

and her husband-to-be Stan Fabian.

Ray Torres.

I don't get this.

Well, I'll explain everything.

Come on, get in.

I think we oughta have
a little talk first.

Oh, we'll talk on the way.

Come on, let's go.

Where to?

Tell him, Ray.

Straight ahead to the autodrome.

So, Stan here offered to
put up my end of the dough

and make it a honeymoon
for him and Joanie.

That wasn't our deal, you know that.

Yeah, but I figured,

you know, if something should could up

that we needed more dough,

Stan could put it up for both of us.

It's worth it just for the insurance.

I don't need insurance!

Okay, so I'll cut him
in for half of mine.

You ain't cutting him on nothing!

Where do you get off
telling him about this

in the first place?

This was a two-way deal,
just between you and me.

You've got a lot of guts
trying to cut your family in.

Now, wait a minute.

If I'm willing to split my half with Stan,

that's no skin off you.

It's gonna be the way
we set it up, or nothing!

What do you mean, "Or nothing?"

I go single-o.

That isn't very practical
under the circumstances.

Under what circumstances?

Well, you see, there's several of us

that know about this now.

Yeah, I can take care of that, too.

All right, chum, take
me back to the hotel.

What was that?

My sil*ncer.

Keep driving!

Are you nuts?

All right, pull over to the side!

- Frank, what have you done?
- Slow down.

Shut it!

Slow down, do you want a cop on our tail?

I didn't figure on anything like this.

You k*lled him.

You k*lled him!

Now, pull yourself together!

He didn't give me any choice.

Now, all in the family.

Where are we?

Ohio someplace.

Looks like a town up there ahead.

Why don't we stop?

Joanie's all knocked out.

The further we get
from Chicago, the better.

Here's
an early morning bulletin.

The body of Ramon Torres, a
Chicago used car salesman,

was found floating in Lake
Michigan outside of Chicago

early this morning.

Police are looking for two men and a girl

in a light-colored convertible,

which is believed to be the k*ller's car.

Police ruled out robbery
as the motive for the crime

when they discovered $3200
in the victim's wallet.

Lionel Boyd, clerk of the Monarch Hotel...

What are we gonna do?

Just take it easy

One thing, they haven't
got the make of the car.

I don't like that two
men and a girl business.

Maybe we oughta split up.

Yeah, you take a plane to New York.

Joanie and I'll meet you there.

Good idea, only we do it the other way.

You take the plane.

Joanie goes with me.

I wanna go with Stan.

We do it my way.

If we're picked up, we're
brother and sister, legit.

I wanna go home.

Nobody's going back home.

We're all in this together.

We'd be suckers not to
go through with it now.

It's over $100,000 apiece.

Frankie's right.

Honey, we'd be suckers to quit now.

Everything's gonna be all right.

There's a gas station,
why don't you pull up?

I'll take a cab to the airport.

Here.

I'll bring the rest of the stuff with us.

Better give me some dough for expenses.

When you get to New York,

check into the Claxton
Hotel and wait for us.

We'll get there as fast as we can.

That's $200.

That'll do it.

Remember, the Claxton
Hotel on West 39th Street.

Bye, darling.

Please wait for us, Stan.

Bye.

Wait for us, Stan!

Take it easy, darling, don't overdo it.

That was quite a shock to Stan.

Wait till he gets the big shock.

Two boat tickets.

Bill from the Monarch Hotel paid in full.

Passport.

And 3200 smackeroos.

Sure hate to part with all
that scratch, Mr. Jackson.

It felt kinda good just
carrying it around, you know.

Well, you keep it then, Ray.

Mr. Atherton would want you
to for doing such a good job.

Oh, well thank him for
me, that's wonderful!

You can send them in now, Miss Swanson.

Before you go, there's a
good friend of yours here

who would like to say hello.

Frank!

Hiya, Ray, how do you feel?

Well, if you'd waited
till we got a few yards

down the road, I wouldn't
have had to take that bath.

I couldn't see the water.

Oh, sure!

Anyway,
it was Saturday night.

At these prices, I'd get waterlogged!

Don't forget now, for the time being,

stay out of New York
and Frankfurt, Germany.

Don't worry about it.

I'm going to Vegas!

By the way, how'd our
short-wave broadcast come through?

Oh, he got the message.

He couldn't wait to take off for New York.

So far, everything's
going right on schedule.

Well, let's hope it continues.

We're close to the end now,

and Mr. Atherton's getting very anxious.

How about you, Miss Marlowe?

Everything all right?

Now that Frank's into
it, I feel much safer.

This past year hasn't been too easy.

I can imagine.

Yeah, without her, we
never would've made it.

She's got him to a point now

where he'll do almost
anything she asks him to.

That remains to be seen, Frank.

Yes, Jackson?

We're ready now, Mr. Atherton.

Fine.

Bring him in.

Mr. Durling will be along
any moment now, gentlemen.

I'll have him fill you
in on the background.

Durling's been on this
case for a long time.

He knows every aspect of it.

Joanie, wonderful!

Frank.

RV, good to see you again.

Frank, you know the boys.

Hi, boys.

This is Herr Koenig, Frank.

Just arrived from Berlin.

Herr Koenig.

Miss Marlowe, and my
attorney, Tom Jackson.

Herr Koenig of the German Police.

Now I want you to tell them the story.

Mr. Durling here, gentlemen,
was an eyewitness.

The whole picture, sir?

From beginning to end.

I want all of you men to
have every single detail

on this case.

If the boys here know
what we're working for,

it'll help them do a better job.

Yes, sir.

Well, gentlemen, our story
goes back to November 6, 1945,

after the occupation of Berlin.

The division quartermaster received a tip

that there was a quantity
of stolen supplies

in a bombed out bakery near Neustadt.

He notified battalion headquarters,

and they sent an MP lieutenant,

Mr. Atherton's son,

with a detail of us to investigate.

It didn't look like anything
was alive in the whole town.

MP's!

All right, get moving.

Get everything you can hold onto.

Go out the back way, I'll keep them off.

Get moving, I told ya!

We'll never make it,
we'll never make it!

Cover me.

Tear gas, throw the tear gas!

Give up, sarge, we'll never make it!

You'll never make it.

To all appearances,

it was a one-man operation.

Colonel Rigel had been
assigned to the case.

He established that the
b*llet had been fired

from an M1 r*fle.

But more important, when
Rigel discovered powder burns

around the wound, he
concluded that the dead GI

had been shot from behind,
and at close range.

A thorough investigation was ordered.

Several arrests were made,

but all suspects were finally released.

Apparently, up a blind alley,

a new strategy was decided
upon to uncover the k*ller,

the man they called Packrat.

All weapons in the outfit
were ordered to be turned in

for survey and new ones issued.

Then each of these weapons

were fired into a ballistics recovery box.

Each b*llet was carefully
retrieved from the cotton

and tagged with the number of
the weapon that had fired it.

The slugs were flown to the
states for ballistics tests.

It was a long, painstaking operation.

They hoped to find the
b*llet of k*ller Packrat

among the first tests.

Finally, after two weeks,
Operation Haystack was over.

r*fle number M1-26891 was
issued to Fabian, Stanley E.,

sergeant, cook, 189th, 4th Battalion.

They were all set to lower the boom

when they got a bad break.

Packrat Stan had been
returned to the states

and honorably discharged.

The Army was powerless to
prosecute him for his crime.

That's the story, gentlemen.

For 10 years, we've been
planning and waiting

for the right moment to move.

Now it's here.

Last year, Miss Marlowe
succeeded in getting a job

working for this Fabian fellow.

She has his complete confidence.

Now Frank, who has been planning
everything, has moved in.

The rest is up to you.

Each one of you will be thoroughly briefed

on the part that you're going to play.

Any questions, gentlemen?

Herr Koenig?

You got any problems?

Problem?

No problem.

All you got to do is bring
this fellow Fabian to Germany

and give us the proof we must have.

The Deutsche Polizei will do the rest.

No problems.

All right, then.

Let's get to work.

Mr. Jackson.

This way, gentlemen.

And good luck to you all.

Joanie, you've done a remarkable job.

Won't be long now.

You too, Frank.

You know, after this is over with,

I have some plans for you two

that I think you're going to like.

We have a few plans of our own.

Well, that's fine, but don't forget,

the honeymoon's on me.

Frank, I've arranged to take
over the von Reimer estate

in Frankfurt on the 18th of this month.

We'll have a 90-day lease.

Oh, that'll be plenty.

I've also arranged with my bank

for you to have unlimited funds.

Anything you need will
be at your disposal.

Oh, thank you!

Well...

That's it, I guess.

But you know, after
we've finished with this,

it still won't bring back
my son to me, will it?

He meant a great deal to me.

All this, everything I
own, everything I possess,

was for my son.

Well, godspeed, both of you.

We'll do our best, RV.

Come in.

Stan!

Stan.

Joanie!

Oh, Joanie.

How'd you get here so fast?

We left the car in
Akron and took a plane.

You did what?

We got stopped in Toledo
and again in Cleveland.

Yeah, I figured the
crate was getting too hot.

I was sure the cop could
hear my heart pounding

I was so scared.

- I never shoulda let you out of my sight.
- I'm all right now.

And look how much sooner we're together.

That's the best reason for my money.

Come on, come on,
let's get squared away.

You've got plenty of time for that.

Oh, Frank, relax.

Look, there's a freighter
leaving Thursday for England.

We can get on it.

A freighter?

I thought we were going on
something like the Queen Mary

or the Ile de France.

Aw, honey, I don't
like it too much, either,

but you just wait until we get
our hands on that big dough.

I promise you we'll come back
on the biggest tub afloat.

And first class.

Not bad for a freighter, huh?

Yeah, I had pictured
freight all over the place.

And I pictured myself rooming
with a tractor or something.

I never knew an ocean
voyage could be so relaxing.

Hey, Slim Durling!

You've got me mixed
up with somebody else.

Always the clown, huh?

Say, who do you think's
meeting me over in England?

Doc Mason and Charlie Holt.

Boy, what a small boat!

Look, fella, you've got
me mixed up with somebody.

Aw, come off the rib, Slim Durling,

I'd know that face of yours
if I saw it in a bear cave.

Well, maybe so, but I don't know yours.

What's the matter with ya, Slim?

We spent two years together
in the same outfit.

Anzio, Salerno.

Hey, remember Maria?

Salerno, huh?

Look, fella, I'm Frank Daniel
and you're becoming a pest!

Well, if you're not Slim Durling...

I'll take one of those.

Oh, the wife, huh?

This happens to be my sister.

And if you ever run
into that friend of yours,

tell him I'm sorry for him
if he looks like Frank.

Well, I guess I could be wrong,

but I never saw anything like it.

This happens to me all the time.

I've been taken for everybody
from Cary Grant to Gandhi.

You should only look like Cary Grant.

And I don't see why you got so annoyed.

You practically insulted the man.

What am I supposed to do?

Stand here and start yakking with the guy?

This is no time to start conversation.

How about a turn around the deck?

I wanna stay here and get some sun.

Stan?

Uh-uh, no, I wanna stay right here.

See ya later.

You better stay there.

Toot your horn, Stan.

I could use some curb service.

Good idea, baby, I
wanna see 'em wait on you.

Hi.

Where is he?

He's in some penny ante poker game.

Hey, Slim!

Slim, look, at least you
remember Maria, Salerno?

Stay away from me, will you?

Oh, I hate to do that to the poor guy,

he's going out of his mind.

Every time he sees me he makes
a beeline for the bar again.

Hey, Slim!

What about Maria?

What about Salerno?

That was another case.

A case of what?

Battle fatigue.

Tell me about it.

You leave me alone!

I got a right to talk to
anybody I want to, see?

I always said you talk too much.

The next time you open your yap, I'll...

Keep your hands off her.

She's gonna jam us up
with that mouth of hers.

Coming out of the bar

and here she is yakking with some old dame

telling her we're going
to Frankfurt, Germany

to pick up an inheritance.

Naming places, putting on the dog.

You just keep your hands
off her, you understand?

Honey, you gotta be careful
about talking to people, huh?

Come on, I'll take you down to your cabin.

I'll be all right.

Why don't you go back to your game?

Aw, that game is all over.

I didn't wanna play anymore

so he cut high card for the whole works.

60 cents.

Come on.

Take care of your jaw, Frankie.

Yeah.

Hey, there he is!

Old Don Gillen.

Hey, Don, down here!

Come on!

Hi, old boy!

What's keeping her?

Take it easy, take it easy.

You know girls and their makeup and stuff.

Yeah.

Hey, how are ya?

Good to see ya!

What happened to your hair?

Never mind, no cracks, huh?

Hey, boy, you got fat.

Well, what are you gonna do, you know?

Let's go, huh?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I wanted you fellas to
see who's on this boat.

Someone we know?

Someone we know, Slim Durling!

- No kidding!
- You're kidding!

It's the doggone-est thing I ever saw.

He insists he isn't Slim.

I tell you, the guy drove me crazy!

Maybe he just looks like Slim.

Oh, no, it is Slim.

He's traveling with his
sister and her boyfriend.

He doesn't have a sister.

I spent a weekend with his family

just before we went overseas.

Okay, okay, okay, well
wait till he gets off

and then you tell me if it's Slim or not.

Why do we have to be the last ones off?

She'll be here.

Well, where is he?

He'll be down in a minute.

Pardon me.

Don Gillen?

Yeah, I'm Gillen.

Scotland Yard.

Scotland Yard, what is it?

If you'll come with me to
the customs office, please.

Customs?

The port officer wants
to question you, sir.

Can you gentlemen identify Mr. Gillen?

Well, sure we can.

Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do.

Oh, don't worry about it Don,

we'll find out what this is all about.

I left my robe out and I
had to repack everything.

Well, let's go, shall we?

Thank you, will you
have the bags taken up

as soon as they come in, please?

All right, what's the next move?

First thing we oughta do is buy a car.

What do you mean buy a car?

Getting pretty sporty with my dough,

what's the matter with a rented one?

Why rent when we can buy one so cheap?

Besides, we're gonna need it.

Come on, I'll show ya.

Wait a minute.

Are we going upstairs first?

I'd like to freshen up.

We can freshen up later.

There's a car lot right down the street.

They have all kinds of 'em cheap.

Come on.

Aren't you going to send a cable to Ed

and let him know where you're staying?

Sure, sure, just as
soon as we see the sights.

Many's the time I
drove over this old road.

Can you speed it up a little?

You got the whole highway to yourself.

Going slow on this
baby's a habit with me.

I can still remember during the w*r,

you mind every inch of the
way, you had to go slow.

Cut out the w*r stories, will ya?

How far is it to this von Reimer estate?

Relax, we're almost there.

Did you ever see any action, Stan?

Yeah, I saw a lot of
action, I'm a big hero.

Now will you get us to this
place and stop the talking?

And I second the motion.

We oughta be there by now, shouldn't we?

We're here.

Let me have the flashlight.

Johann von Goekler.

Here, hold it steady.

I don't like this.

It's like robbing a grave.

But this is a special kind of a grave.

Hear that?

Okay, hold this.

Wow!

The end of the goose chase.

Look at this, honey.

Quiet, will you?

Somebody's coming.

Help me, help me.

- Come on, come on!
- Help me.

Cover it up, cover it up!

Put that away.

Put it away!

Help me!

What are you doing here?

Oh, we're tourists, Amerikanisch.

Meine Frau is interested
in writings on tombstones.

It's a hobby.

Verboten.

The von Reimer estate is open
to the public only in the day.

I'm sorry, we didn't know.

I guess we'd better go, huh?

Well, good night.

Boy, that was close.

Well, at least we got a piece of it.

Is this really gold?

Solid.

Say, you came up with a little
surprise yourself tonight,

Stan, with that g*n.

I don't like g*ns.

How do we get that box?

Don't worry, we'll get it.

This is just a preview.

I'm for going in and
letting those guys have it.

We knock off one of those guys

and we never would make the frontier.

Just let me handle this,
we've got plenty of time.

Besides, we gotta have
this stuff melted down yet.

We got a man to do the casting?

Yeah, an old guy named Schmitt,

he's got a little foundry
over on the Boehmerstrasse.

Used to cast gold monkey
wrenches for refugees.

We'll take a run out there tomorrow.

Looks good, eh?

Perfect.

Solid gold.

If some of the paint chips off this,

won't the gold show through?

No, not paint.

Lead.

Makes it look like steel, no?

How much?

200 marks.

No, no, I mean for the whole thing.

200 pounds, maybe more.

5000 marks.

5000?

We'll give you 750.

750?

750 American dollars.

800 for no questions.

It's a deal.

When will you bring it?

Couple of days.

- Thank you very...
- Oh, no, no, no.

Not finished yet.

Und now I must age it.

"Und now I age it".

Where did you dig him up?

Oh, I go way back with him.

Besides casting gold monkey
wrenches for refugees,

he used to have another racket.

Casting phony medals for Gls.

Anything from a Purple Heart to a DSC.

He helped many a guy click with a dame.

He used to turn out a pretty
good half-buck piece, too,

until they finally put the heat on him.

We gonna take another
crack at that box tonight?

Aw, I think we better
give it a breather.

If those guards spot us again,

they might get a little suspicious.

I still think we oughta barge right in.

Wait a minute, I've got it!

Those guards must have a night off.

We can find out when.

Then we go out there
and tell the new guards

that we're a couple of
occupation authorities

on security checkup, give
them some official fast lip,

then they give us the run of the place.

Mm-hm.

It'll work.

Frank, will you step on it?

I promised Joanie I'd take
her to Bad Nauheim for a swim.

Aw, she'll like it out there.

It's pretty nice.

As a matter of fact,

I think I'd like to go for a swim myself.

Hey, Frankie!

Come on in!

I'll be right with you.

Hi, Joanie.

Hi, Stan, I've been looking for you.

How'd things go today?

Oh, fine, fine.

You know, after this,

I never could go back
to the Beehive again.

Is something wrong, Stan, what is it?

I don't know, I don't know.

I can't figure Frank.

What's to figure?

We coulda gotten that
box last night easy.

Sure, until those men came along.

Lucky they didn't find
out what we were after.

You've just got to have patience.

I got all the patience in the world.

Then what's bothering you?

It doesn't add up.

Frank's the guy that, he dives
in and he gets things done.

Remember Chicago?

Wish I could forget it.

Well, last night when I
wanted to handle those guys,

suddenly he chickened out.

I still don't know
what you're driving at.

Well, I'll tell you.

I don't think he wanted to
get that box last night.

' Why, Why not?

I'm thinking that he's got an idea

that he can get it without us.

Maybe we'll beat him to it.

Oh, boy, is that ever terrific!

How 'bout a dip, Joanie?

Oh, that's cold!

Be my guest to a case of pneumonia!

It'll be warm as soon as you get in.

You go on, darling, I'll sit this out.

Okay

Careful!

Aw.

Now he'd need a periscope to see us.

I've got a flash for you.

Our boy's getting ready to
throw you a sharp curve.

Oh?

I wondered when he'd get around to that.

He thinks you might be
figuring on the same thing.

Did he say when he plans to pull this?

You came up before he had a chance to.

One if by land, two if by sea.

How'd it go at the foundry?

That stuff in the box
certainly looked real.

Is it?

Courtesy of Richard V. Atherton.

Listen, I've gotta go see Koenig.

Can you take care of Stan
for the rest of the day?

I don't know, it was
quite a tussle last night.

He's practically at the
knocking me in the head stage.

Remember what I told
you, just keep sparring.

He may be bigger, but
you've got the speed.

He's either getting faster,
or I'm getting slower.

One of these nights I may
have to hang up my gloves.

Hey, don't talk like
that, not even kidding.

What's going on here?

Couple of beach athletes
kicked sand in her eye.

Jerks.

How's it now?

All right.

Guess your eyes are
just too big, doll face.

Don't you
say the sweetest things?

How about getting
dressed and starting back?

Oh, not yet.

Well, we've gotta find out
what night those guys are off.

I don't wanna go now, Stan.

Gee, I'm just beginning to enjoy it here.

Can't Frankie go by himself?

Maybe it'd be better if
you went on alone, Frankie.

Joanie and I'll join you later.

Well, all right.

I'll grab the autorail back to Frankfurt.

I'll meet you tonight, and
we'll all have dinner together.

Why don't you make it after dinner?

Joanie and I'll eat on the way in.

Wanna try one of those
biergartens we passed.

They're so picturesque.

Okay, have fun.

Now, you be sure and
wait for us, Frankie.

This is the life, uh-huh?

Sure beats carhopping by a long shot.

Eh, no more pounding the
hot pavements for my girl.

Makes me warm just thinking about it.

Think I'll take that swim now.

That can't be, Herr Koenig.

Everything depends on it, the
success of our whole plan.

How's about, uh?

Sure, sure, help yourself.

But it's true what I told you,

and nothing we can do about it.

Already the American Air Force

has taken over the von Reimer estate,

and tomorrow, there will be
guards all around the place.

You know, alle ist verboten.

There must be a way,
some way to beat this.

Remember, "The best
laid plans of mice and men

"go away sometimes".

BY Whom?

The poet Robert Burns, English.

Scotch.

Oh, jah, grossartig!

But there's also some good news, too.

I have the badge for you.

See?

Deutsche Geheimlich Kriminalpolizei.

Secret Police of Germany.

Wunderbar, was?

That will get you in where
you are not supposed to be,

and out, too.

Thanks, Herr Koenig.

Oh, don't take it so hard.

Everything will be fine.

You will think of something.

Here.

No thanks.

On.

Prost!

Mm, it's gonna be a great night.

A great night.

Sure, great.

Why are we driving so slow?

We'll be late to meet Frank.

Well, that's kinda the idea.

It's gonna be a great
night for grave robbing.

What do you mean?

Oh, baby, it's all
there, just waiting for us.

I could never help you lift that box.

Baby, you don't have to lift a finger.

And another thing.

Like you said, Frank
could have the same idea.

Maybe I oughta phone him and
make sure he's at the hotel.

Good girl.

Hotel Frederich?

Herr Daniel, please, 402.

This is his sister, it's very important.

You've got to connect me, please!

Please, I don't understand.

Please speak English.

I think he said Frank isn't in.

Let me try.

Hello.

I wanna speak to Herr Daniel.

Is he in?

Okay, thank you.

Well, he says he doesn't
wanna be disturbed,

and orders are orders.

I guess maybe he's doing
a little entertaining.

Come on.

At least we know where he is.

I'm scared to death, Stan.

Oh, come on, honey, settle down.

This is perfect timing, I tell ya.

What if those men out there see us?

They're sure to find out what we're after.

I got the answer to that one, too.

Such a gamble.

Like you always say,
meet Long Shot Stan.

Quiet, shh!

Hold this, will ya?

Treasure hunt, Stan?

Nice night for it, isn't it?

Frank, please.

Shut up, Joanie, and put out that light!

Now just go right ahead
with what you were doing.

You keep on digging, and
Joanie keeps holding the bag.

Kind of funny, isn't it?

Joanie holding the bag.

That's it, just keep on digging.

Someone's coming.

Don't give me that.

Look!

Come on, let's get out of here!

Back to the car, quick!

Come on.

Hold it, Stan, you drive.

I'll get in the back.

It looks like some of them

have been turning around
in their graves, huh?

Come on.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Why don't you get it over with?

Don't give me any ideas.

Look, coming out here
tonight was my idea.

Stan didn't want any part of it.

I made him do it.

Oh, don't be so noble.

Nobody's being noble.

And while we're on it, what
were you doing out there,

taking the air?

I was just playing a hunch.

You never had a right
hunch in your life.

Just don't take it out on Stan.

He's been on the level all the way.

Is she telling the truth, Stan?

You heard her.

Ah, I get it.

Changes the picture.

Now don't blame Joanie, Frank.

She's a kid that never had anything,

you know that better than anybody else.

She saw that stuff in
the box and it threw her.

You don't have to alibi for me.

I'm not alibiing for you, honey,

I'm just trying to make Frank see

how a thing like that could happen.

Okay, okay, if that's
the way it is, I'll buy it.

But no more funny stuff, understand?

Okay, Frank.

We'll all forget it ever happened, huh?

You wanna know something, Joanie?

You were right, I did have the same idea.

Guess it runs in the family.

Now that's the way it oughta
be with a brother and sister.

Joanie?

Yes?

About ready to go?

In a minute.

Okay, I'll meet you down in the lobby.

All right.

Frank?

Frank?

Hey, Frank!

Oh, hi, Stan, how do you feel?

Oh, pretty good.

Think I'll be a little better
after I get something to eat.

What about you?

Great.

Be with you in a minute.

Okay

You're telling me that those guards

are gonna be off on Friday night?

Yeah, two other guys are replacing them.

Joanie about ready?

Hey, wait till you see what I got!

Take a look at my wallet.

I think it's there on the dresser.

Got it?

Look real?

I went over to Schmitt's

to have him make up some
phony official badge,

and he had that.

He's making one up for you, too.

I don't know if it looks
like the McCoy or not,

but it'll do to flash on those guards.

Now look, when we get
out there Friday night,

we just tell the new guys
we're on a security check, see?

And if they hang around,
we just tell 'em to blow.

Simple?

That sounds all right.

We can take the stuff out

right in front of them if we have to.

Brother, we're home.

That might work.

And if they do give us any trouble,

we just let 'em have it.

Okay

I gotta go, I told Joanie
I'd meet her downstairs.

Wait for me, I won't be long.

# Hold on to your heart my love #

# When we're far apart my love #

# Don't listen to anyone #

# Who'd kiss and run away #

She's good.

Well, if you can hear her from here,

you got better ears than I have.

You know, this
place hasn't changed a bit,

same smoke, same noise, same
people, only different faces.

Whoa!

Did I say faces?

I'm smogged,
let's get out of here, huh?

Let's not go now.

It's so colorful.

Yeah, it's sickly yellow.

Wait till she finishes her song.

# A love you can call your own #

# Will carry you through #

# Will watch over you #

# And our lives will entwine #

# My love #

Excuse me.

Be right back, honey.

# So whatever you do my love #

Don't look now, Frank,

but there's a soldier sitting behind us

that's been staring at
you ever since we came in.

# Hold on to your heart #

Polock.

Janc.

Wait a minute.

Hey, Janc!

Frankie!

Well, I'm a son of a
g*n, you're still here?

You know, I thought
this joint felt haunted.

What are you doing in Frankfurt?

Oh, strictly a tourist this time.

Still living off the taxpayers, huh?

What else?

Come on, I want you to meet the family.

Family?

You didn't take the dive, did you?

No, no, no.

Joanie, I want you to
meet a page out of my past.

Mike Jancoweizc.

My kid sister Joanie, you
remember me telling you about her.

Well, 10 years is a long time ago.

How are you, Miss, uh...

Daniel.

Well, sit down, you big lug.

Say, you must be pretty handy
with the German now, huh?

Ja wohl.

Oh, this is Stan Fabian.

Stan, shake hands with Janc.

Hi, Stan.

Sit down, sit down.

Well, tell me, Janc,
what are you doing now?

Well, I've got the Rhein-Main

reenlistment office at headquarters.

Reenlistment?

Oh, leave it to that boy
Janc to get a soft touch.

You look like you're
doing all right yourself.

Taking in Europe as a tourist.

No, strictly as a guest.

You see, Stan and Joanie
are getting married,

and I'm a witness, all expenses paid.

Ham sandwich at the banquet, huh?

That's right.

Well, listen,
what does a guy do

for excitement around here, huh?

Well, you've certainly
come to the right party.

Young man, let me point out

a few of the benefits of reenlisting...

Ah, ah, strictly as a civilian, bud.

And there goes my commission.

Well, I better be
getting back to the table

before the Fraeulein thinks
I'm sticking her with the tab.

See you later.

Good night.

And you, you Big Apple knocker.

Miss.

Plenty of good old touches to cop, huh?

Oh, a million of 'em.

See you later?

Right, right.

Oh, what a character, that guy.

You know, if we'd have had a
couple thousand more like him,

we'd have lost the w*r.

Honestly, that guy has more
angles for turning a fast buck.

Uh-huh, fine.

Can we go?

Yeah.

It is a perfect duplication.

You will notice I polished the edges

to take off the newness.

Herr Schmitt, you are a real artist.

Yeah, that looks real, all right.

How much?

Oh, it is very risky.

Oh, never mind the buildup.

How much?

400 marks.

Okay

Danke schoen.

Now, these are the tools
from the car we bought.

Simke, eh?

I will have the mold
ready when you get here.

We may bring it late
tonight, is that all right?

Oh, at night is better.

- Auf wiedersehen.
- Auf wiedersehen.

Now the guards hang
out in this tech room

in the stable back at the chateau.

We just walk in, flash our badges,

and tell 'em we're investigating
a black market operation.

Suppose they follow us to the cemetery.

We'll just tell 'em to scram.

And suppose they don't?

Then I follow your suggestion.

What's with this fence?

Are we on the right road?

Sure we are.

Wait a minute.

I don't get it.

This can't be the right road.

There's only the one road.

What do you suppose it means?

Maybe it's just temporary.

Sit tight and I'll find out.

Hi.

Isn't this the von Reimer estate?

Yes, sir.

This fence is something new, isn't it?

Yes, sir, the Air Force
has taken the place over

as an experimental base.

Oh, when did that happen?

Since last Wednesday, sir.

Any chance of, you know,
going through the place?

We're Americans.

Sorry, sir, not unless you get a permit

signed by the commanding
officer in Frankfurt.

But I doubt if you'll get one, sir.

Well, thanks, thanks very much.

All right, genius, got
an answer for that one?

Don't worry, we'll
get in there some way.

What, and get our brains

splattered all over the graveyard?

A lot of good that's gonna do us.

Look, I know we're in a tight squeeze,

but I'm not giving up, not by a long shot.

I've got too much invested.

10 long years I've been
sweating this thing out.

I'm going to get that stuff,

and nothing's going to stop me, nothing.

How about Joanie?

How's she gonna take this?

We just don't tell her.

Say we went out there and
the same guys were on duty,

they never changed the guards.

We'll go out there tomorrow
and take a look at the layout.

I'll come up with some idea.

I'm sick of your ideas.

I gotta get my hands on that box.

Everything depends on it.

Everything.

What's the matter, Stan?

The way you're acting,

you'd think the whole thing was a flop.

If the guards aren't off this
week, they'll be off next.

Frank'll have the information.

Yeah, I'm just a little
anxious, honey, that's all.

It isn't as if we didn't
know the gold was there.

We saw it.

What a lovely place for a honeymoon.

Look.

Picturesque.

Badgastein.

What a name.

Yeah.

Here's Frank, honey.

Well, good news,

but I'm afraid it's
gonna take a little time.

First of all, you couldn't
get into that place

if you were Eisenhower.

What do you mean?

Honey, I didn't want to tell you,

but the Air Force has taken
over the von Reimer estate.

They've put a wire fence around there

like it was a POW camp.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

They're putting up a
lot of barracks and stuff,

but so far, they haven't gotten
into the cemetery at all.

All right, now what's the good news?

Well, I got an idea on the way back.

Remember my friend Jancoweizc,

the sergeant we met at Putzi's?

You mean you let him in on it?

I let him in on nothing.

Remember he was kidding us
about that reenlistment pitch.

Well, I found out they're
doing some ground experiments

on saber jet turbines out there.

Well, I worked on turbines

at North American in LA last year.

Now with Janc being in recruiting

and with him knowing that I
wanna stay over here for awhile

it wouldn't throw him too much

if I told him I wanted to
enlist in the Air Force again.

You think he could get you
assigned to this new base?

Well, with my experience
on the saber and Jane's drag,

I think I'm a cinch.

How you gonna get the stuff out?

We'll smuggle it out a
couple of pieces at at time.

Shouldn't take too long.

Frank, maybe you got something.

What'll you do, Frank,
you stay in the Army?

Are you kidding?

Once I've liberated this stuff,

it's over the hill and onto the Riviera.

That's desertion!

Oh, isn't that terrible?

And after what happened in Chicago.

You don't have to
worry about Frank, baby.

I'll go up and see Janc this afternoon.

You better go with me, Stan,

I might need a witness for
identification or something.

Why should we wait till this afternoon,

why don't we go now?

Right.

Bye, honey.

Isn't this a little
beyond the call of duty?

Don't worry, I've
got it all figured out.

You know, this is sure
one for the books, Frank.

Well, Joanie decided
she wanted to go home

after the wedding,

and Stan here with the ring
in his nose says, "Okay".

So I figured what's wrong
with signing for a hitch

and letting Uncle Sam pay the freight?

They still give guys leave, don't they?

Why, sure.

And having connections
with the right people,

you can always wrangle a little extra.

That's what I figured, Sarge.

Sign right there, Frank.

Okay

Well, Stan, see you in three years.

All you gotta do now is take a physical,

raise your right hand, and you're in.

Come on.

Well, strip down to the waist.

Doc'll be back in a few minutes.

I noticed they made an experimental base

out of the old von
Reimer estate out there.

Yeah, they just set
it up a few days ago.

You know, Janc, that'd be
a pretty good duty out there.

I don't claim to be an
aeronautical engineer,

but I do know what makes
the little wheels go around,

and I've had some
experience on turbos, too.

They probably could use a guy like you.

Might even get your rating.

Yeah.

Well, Doc, I got a live one for ya.

- Oh, hiya, Doc.
- Hiya.

Well, Janc, you got your
quota for the week, I see.

No trouble at all, sir,
he just walked in here

all by himself.

Doesn't look as though
there's anything wrong with you.

Have a chair.

Kinda brings back memories.

You know, if I wasn't
getting married, I'd...

Oh, we've got married
men in the service, too.

Blood pressure normal.

He doesn't know Joanie.

She'd wrap a
propeller around his skull.

Take a deep breath.

Let it out.

Once again.

Anything wrong, Doc?

I'm afraid you're not
going to make it, young man.

What do you mean?

Hey, go easy, Doc, as long
as they can walk, you know.

You've got a pronounced heart murmur.

Doc, I've never had anything
wrong with me in my life.

Have you had a
cardiogram taken recently?

No, but...

It's nothing to worry about.

There's lots of people walking
around with heart murmurs.

But as for getting in the armed services,

no medical examiner will ever pass you.

I'm sorry, Mr. Daniel.

What about all the
dough you've got invested?

You wanna protect it, don't you?

Not the money I spent, forget it.

I'm not enlisting.

Oh, it's all right if
I go ahead and enlist,

but with you it's different, huh?

I said forget it.

Is that you, Frankie?

Don't you suggest it in front of Joanie.

Wait till you see what I bought.

Is there something wrong?

I didn't pass the physical.

You didn't what?

He's got a bad heart.

But you never told us about it.

I never knew it myself.

Looks like the show is over, Joanie.

It can't be.

I'm afraid it is.

But it doesn't have to be.

What's the matter with you enlisting?

Well, why not?

Is there something wrong with you, too?

It wouldn't work out, honey.

Even if I signed up, I couldn't
get stationed out there.

I don't know anything
about jets and turbines.

But you were a cook in the Army.

They still eat, don't they?

It wouldn't work.

But you could try, Stan, couldn't you?

Joanie, Stan just
doesn't want to enlist.

He doesn't want to?

Why not, Stan?

Don't press me, honey,
will ya, I got reasons.

You've got reasons?

What kind of reasons?

Joanie, there's no sense arguing.

Oh, yes there is!

He's got reasons not to do it.

What's the matter with
the reason to do it?

Me!

Honey, we better call it a day.

We've hit too many rocks.

The whole deal is jinxed.

It just isn't supposed to be.

Oh, it isn't, huh?

I told you from the start

this was nothing but a goose chase,

and I didn't want any part of it.

You're the jinx, Frank.

You've always been the jinx,

and now it's caught up with you.

Aw, Joanie, please!

You and your honeymoon!

We were going back on the best tub afloat.

Well, I've got plans now,

and all I want from you
is my ticket back home.

And I'm sailing alone!

Joanie!

Joanie!

Joanie, I wanna talk to you.

I don't wanna talk to you.

Just give me my ticket, I wanna go home.

Honey, you'll get home
all right, and with me.

Things are gonna be all right.

And you'll have your
security, I promise you.

You promise.

You promise what?

A life is that hash house?

Jumping at auto horns?

Hearing you say everything's
gonna be all right, baby?

What about my honeymoon?

What about my security?

Shut up, Joanie!

No matter how you talk,
I'm not gonna enlist.

Honey, you know that I'm nuts about you,

I'd do anything for you,

anything in the world, you know that.

If you really loved me...

Aw, Joanie.

Don't touch me!

I thought you had class.

Why, you're nothing!

You're wrong.

You're wrong, baby.

I'm something.

I'm gonna tell you something.

Nobody knows this.

When I was in that Army,
I k*lled a couple of guys.

One of them was an MP officer.

That's why I can't enlist.

If I go back in, they'll have me for good.

We've waited 10 years to
hear you say that, Stan.

10 long years.

All right, Herr Koenig,
you can take him now.

Confession is good for
the soul, Herr Fabian, huh?

Deutsche Kriminalpolizei!

You're under arrest for the
m*rder of Lieutenant Atherton.

You know something?

If you had enlisted, they
couldn't have touched you.

I guess I had it coming.

This is a beautiful tray, Mr. Atherton.

Looks like steel, no?

Solid gold.

It's a souvenir wedding
present to both of you.

Joanie's my wedding present.

Isn't she beautiful?

Ja, like the Lady of the Lake,

by the writer Walter Scott.

English.

- Scotch.
- Scotch.

Wunderbar!

To the bride und to the groom.

Och, sollen sie leben!