01x12 - The Big Baby Contest

[bunniefuu]

[humming]

♪ Wyatt Earp, Wyatt Earp

♪ Brave, courageous,

and bold ♪

♪ Long live his fame

and long live his glory ♪

♪ And long may

his story be told ♪

[humming]

Howdy, Wyatt.

Thank you, Mr. Earp.

Thank you.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Bieler.

Won't you sit down?

Good afternoon.

Mrs. Pelby.

I'm holding the edition

Thank you.

for your

acceptance speech, Wyatt.

You better keep on holding it

because I'm not accepting it.

What?

Whoever heard of a marshal

as chairman

of a baby contest?

But, Marshal,

you must accept.

Those dreadful gamblers

are even making book

on the babies.

Well, that's legal, ma'am.

The gossip

is simply dreadful.

Some people

are actually hinting

that our Ladies Aid Society

approves of the gamblers.

Well, let's look at what

the facts are, Mrs. Bieler.

You set up a contest,

and you asked everybody in town

to vote for their favorite baby

at cents a vote.

Is that right?

That's right.

Now, you asked everybody,

and the gamblers all pitched in

cutting into their own

poker pots for vote money,

and you ladies were very happy

to get the contributions.

And why not? The money's for

the best of purposes, Mr. Earp.

But we need you, Mr. Earp,

or this honest charity may

break up in a scandalous mess.

What the ladies mean

is this, Wyatt.

With you chairman

of the contest,

the gamblers wouldn't dare

try anything crooked.

No.

And that'll give

the people in town

the confidence

to go on voting.

Isn't that so?

Yes. Yes.

And we could award

the $ prize

to Wichita's prize baby

knowing it had been

elected honestly.

But, look,

Mrs. Bieler, uh,

I mean, the chairman

of a baby contest, uh...

Well, what if a big cowhand

should dare me to, uh, change

one of the babies or something?

But you could do it, Mr. Earp.

You're such a resourceful man.

[chuckles]

Mr. Earp! Mr. Earp!

Oh, no.

Excuse me, ladies,

but Denver Jones wants

the marshal right away.

There's trouble

over at the Wichita Saloon.

What kind of trouble?

Well, Denver's been taking

ten percent of all the money

and putting it

into the baby contest.

Yes, I know that.

This young fella

got cleaned out.

Now he wants

his kitty money back.

You see, Marshal,

these things

put our contest

in such a bad light.

What did I tell you?

Uh, yes, ladies, but...

You go tell Denver

I got twice as much trouble

as he'll ever have.

But this young fella's

gone for his g*ns.

[sighs]

Well, that makes it

a little different.

Excuse me, ladies,

and Mr. Murdock.

Marshal, that's him.

There he goes

into the Texas Hotel,

where he checked his g*ns.

Joe, that young fella

looked mad enough

to make

a real roughhouse.

So we better

get out of sight.

But, Marshal...

Where's that boss dealer

with the slick tongue?

You're a little overdressed,

aren't you, stranger?

No scrub cow town marshal

is going to tell me whether

I can wear a g*n or not.

Where's Denver Jones?

Well, I'm sitting in

for him right now.

Oh, yeah? Who are you?

Name's Earp.

I never heard of ya.

Since you're feeding

on his range,

you can hand over

that bucks

he held out on me.

See that sign?

There's a sign like that

in every card room in town,

and every one is buying votes

for his favorite baby.

I never saw the babies.

I've never been

in this town before,

and I'm cleaned out.

I want that cut he took

off my lucky pot,

so go on playing.

Seeing as you're

a stranger here,

I guess I better

introduce myself properly.

I'm that scrub

cow town marshal.

You must want that money

awful bad to want

to k*ll a man for it.

Yeah, I need it,

and I'll get it.

You want to work for it?

You don't look like

the gunfighter type to me.

A lot of jobs around.

I can't wait that long!

You're going to have to wait

in jail overnight.

Since you bought

dollars' worth,

I'll give you a ballot

so you can vote

for one of the babies.

[grunts]

Well, let's check this for you

so it doesn't get you

in any more trouble.

[men laughing]

We want the same

old rooms, Sam.

On the double.

A key,

firewater and tobacco.

Oh, go stab yourself

with it.

You boys are a little bit

behind the times, aren't you?

What did you say?

First, I want you

to check your g*ns.

Second, I want you to pay

for the hole in the carpet.

And third, I want you

to behave yourself while

you're here in Wichita.

Who says?

I do.

Well, who are you?

I'm the marshal here.

The name is Earp.

Wyatt Earp?

This is Marshal Earp, men.

We, uh--

We heard about you.

[nervous chuckle]

Well, go on.

Check your g*ns

like the man said.

What do you suppose

it would cost to knit

that hole in the carpet?

Hold it!

Come on!

Hyah! Hyah!

[shouts]

I'm all right!

See, I've given you ladies

a big spread here on page one.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Good gracious,

what's happened to you?

Any real trouble, Wyatt?

I won one and lost one.

I met a young fella

with a very fast horse.

Ladies, your contest

is causing more ruckus

than I realized.

I'll take that chairmanship.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Bless you.

Come on.

Let's spread the good news.

That's just marvelous.

We'll go tell everybody.

After letting some saddle tr*mp

run over me like that,

I guess babies are about

all I can handle.

Come on, Wyatt.

Tell me all about it.

Well, I...

Say, those nice ladies

aren't afraid

someone would rig

their play, are they?

Well, not now they're not.

Joe, here's a list

of the official rules.

Will you post them for me

so everybody can read them?

Sure.

If anybody

gives you any trouble,

why, you just give me

a call, huh?

Sure will, Marshal.

There you are.

A good haul.

Good night.

Good night, Marshal.

[baby crying]

You all right, ma'am?

Is there a doctor--

one who knows something

about babies?

Well, there's

Dr. Fabrique, ma'am.

He treats all ages.

I'm afraid

she's pretty sick.

His office is just

down the street. Here.

Let me help you.

[baby fussing]

You look all

tuckered out, ma'am.

Where did you

come from?

We were on our way here

from Dodge City,

but my husband was k*lled

on the trail.

Well, now,

don't you worry.

Doc'll take good care

of both of you.

It's a good thing the Lord

makes babies extra tough.

How long you been jostling

this kid around in the hot sun?

Is she very sick?

Exhaustion,

hunger and wind colic.

The smartest thing

I can do for her now

is do nothing.

Let her rest.

Hi. I brought you

a sandwich and some milk.

Thank you, Mr. Earp.

Will Susie

be all right, Doctor?

Well,

imagine as a baby specialist,

I wouldn't give her much chance.

But I ain't

no baby specialist.

Go on.

Eat something.

Oh, sit here, Jenny.

Thank you.

Can I give her

some of this milk,

if I warm it?

No! Who's handling this case?

Uh, Doc is an expert

on babies.

Do you have any

friends here in town?

No. No, I don't.

Then I'll have to get Susie

and you a room at the hotel.

Well, I-- I can't pay

for it, Marshal.

If they'll let me

work it out.

I haven't much money left.

I haven't any.

But I'll get a job,

and I'll pay you, Doctor.

Wait till you

earn some money.

And don't gobble so fast.

Wyatt, you and I

better have a consultation.

You just take it easy.

If the doc acts mean,

it's a sure sign

the patient's gonna recover.

She sure is a cute kid.

Will she be all right?

I got the big baby

on my mind now.

Suppose you get her

a job slinging hash

in one of the hotels.

I don't know.

She doesn't look that strong.

She's just the kind of mother

to have a kid

in the baby contest.

Hey...

She's broke. She's hungry.

Hey, that's a wonderful idea.

But do you think you can

get Susie well quick enough?

With $ prize money

at stake?

[laughs]

I'm entering Susie

in the contest right away.

Those pie-eyed cowhands

will make her the favorite.

Let's drink to that.

This is going

to be wonderful.

Say, uh, what's

the baby's full name?

Susie.

No, no. The full name.

I forgot to ask.

But that don't matter.

Now, Wyatt,

the important thing is

as boss

of the baby contest,

where do you stand?

Oh, come on, Doc.

You know I can't favor

one child above the other.

You know that.

Yeah.

Poor little fatherless kid

with a mother that

could wring the heart

of a cattle auctioneer.

Doc...

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh.

I'll tell you

what I will do.

I'll see to it

that Susie's votes

are counted honestly.

[groans]

I guess I'll have

to be satisfied

with an honest count.

[Susie crying]

Aw.

Just listen to that.

Wyatt, if she's got a smile

to match those tears, we're in!

And I don't want you

to go bragging on Susie.

She's a dark horse,

and I want to get a few

side bets down on her.

[laughs]

Coming, Susie!

[hammering]

[yelps]

Are you sure you don't

want us to help you?

No. I'm a doctor.

[laughs]

Wyatt, here comes

the enemy.

Cheap publicity.

[laughter]

Mr. Earp, I see no call

for you to be ridiculing

a leading candidate

in the baby contest.

Me ridicule

Neddy Morris, ma'am?

Why, he's one of

my favorite youngsters.

Hmm. Some folks say

you and Doc Fabrique

have only one

favorite youngster

since that Smith girl

came to town.

Doc's the one that made

the entry, Mrs. Pelby.

All fair and square.

But our contest was meant

for the hometown babies,

not just any stray

that comes in off the trail.

Well, that baby

was born in Kansas, ma'am.

And the Ladies Aid is the one

that made up the rules, not me.

As long as you ask me

to enforce them, why,

that's what I intend to do,

for every baby in the contest.

But how do you know

that child was born in Kansas?

From the birth certificate,

Mrs. Pelby.

Doc brought

the birth certificate

over to my office.

Mrs. Bieler's due down there

to check it any moment.

Won't you join me?

Thank you.

I think I will.

It's a perfectly legal

birth certificate,

and it seems

quite in order.

Stamped.

Thanks, ma'am.

I'll just take it back

to the baby's mother

if you ladies

are satisfied.

Jenny Smith's

a little worried about it.

Why, return it to her,

of course,

and set her mind at rest,

poor child.

[chuckles]

Really, Edna.

You're not lining up with

this girl from nowhere, too?

Jenny Smith and her baby

have given this contest

exactly what it needed, Ruth--

a sporting interest.

Why, it means

hundreds of dollars

for the missionary fund.

But her child will win,

hands down.

Haven't you got

any local pride?

Now, don't worry.

I am worried.

Neddy Morris is my nephew.

Edna, you wrote

the contest rules.

Now, there must be

some technicality

on which we can

disqualify that--

that little Miss Nobody.

Let me read them.

Why, my copy of the rules

is at home under lock and key.

Our square-sh**ting marshal

took a second copy,

and I doubt if he's even

looked at it himself.

Everything

will be all right.

Now, just don't worry, dear.

[telegraph ticking]

We'd better

get out of here.

Hey, Doc, how are you?

How's Susie?

Strong as a heifer.

Well, that's good,

because half the votes

in the contest

are being cast for her.

Ah.

[clicks tongue]

What's worrying you?

Well, that's just it.

Susie's the favorite

all over town,

but not in

Denver Jones's place.

You know, he's been making

book on the baby contest.

Got a big odds board.

And he's giving -

against Susie's winning it.

I wonder why Denver

doesn't think Susie

can win it.

Well, he never did take

active interest in charity.

He's got something

up his sleeve.

You can bet your

bottom dollar on that.

Let's go down and have

a little look at those odds.

$ on little Susie.

Morning, Marshal.

Morning, Doc.

Howdy.

Morning, Denver.

Your, uh, odds are a little

out of line, aren't they?

What's wrong

with those odds?

Take Neddy Morris there.

Willing colt,

nice confirmation,

biggest lungs in town.

- .

Abbie Biffle. Now, there's

a sweet little filly.

Only strawberry roan

in the race.

- .

What about that -

against Susie Smith?

She's the favorite

all over town.

Now, she might be

your favorite, Doc,

but being she's a dark horse--

strange filly in town--

folks don't know

how fast she'll finish.

You, uh, have any reason

to think she won't finish?

Me?

Of course not.

But since you question

my odds, Marshal--

you collect the votes

every night--

care to back your judgment

with a little wager?

Well, I won't play favorites

in this contest,

and I can't bet on it.

You know that.

But I can,

and I'm betting...

one hun-- $

on Susie Smith to win.

You got yourself

a bet, Doctor.

Here's another hundred

on Neddy Morris.

Clem Bieler

just sent it in.

Clem Bieler?

Even Clem Bieler's

betting against Susie.

That proves that Mrs. Bieler

doesn't think Susie can win.

She pulls the purse strings

in that family.

Yeah.

She also wrote the rules.

Hey. Joe.

Yeah?

Let me see that, uh,

official list of rules.

Thank you.

[muttering]

Well, that's clear and simple.

There's no tax there.

Well...

Hey, wait a minute.

There's supposed

to be two pages.

Maybe there's another rule

nobody's read.

[Doc]

Number seven.

"All babies'

mothers and fathers

"will bring the candidates

to steps of the church

"at : the night

the contest closes

"or the prize

will be presented

to the winner's parents."

Mothers and fathers.

But Susie hasn't

got a father.

No. And Denver knew it.

He tried to cover up that rule

so nobody could read it.

Look, he even shaved

the edges of the paper

so it wouldn't be seen.

Denver...

[Joe]

He went out the back.

Let's get him.

He's been giving us

a dry shave.

Could be he's cut

his own chin.

Gonna go over

and see Susie's mother.

Does this number seven rule

mean that maybe Susie--

Scratched. That's

exactly what it means.

But that isn't fair!

It isn't her fault.

And Mr. Earp, we just

got to have that $ .

Huh. Well, how bad

have you got to have it?

Well, you know we're down

on hard pan, Marshal.

And I owe the doctor.

Especially for Susie's life.

Gotta have it bad enough

to tell me where

Susie's father is?

Well, I-I told you, Marshal.

He was k*lled!

Well, what was he doing

in the Wichita Saloon

the afternoon before

you rode into town?

Why, he wasn't!

He couldn't have been.

Since he was k*lled.

Like I told you.

Pat was k*lled.

Pat?

Do you realize that's

the first time you

spoke his name?

But you didn't have to.

I got it off Susie's

birth certificate.

Patrick Smith.

It was also on

the trigger guard of a g*n

I have over in my office.

The one he checked

at the Wichita Hotel

before he rode me down.

Then you've known

all along I was his wife.

Pretty near.

And you were figuring

to follow Susie and me

out of town and take him.

No.

I knew a husband

of a girl like you

couldn't very well

be a gunslinger.

But I've got to try

and bring him in now, Jenny.

No, please don't.

Pat's hot-tempered

and he's outlawed.

He'll fight it out,

and he's a dead shot, Marshal.

Well, just gonna have

to take that chance.

Half the town bought votes

for Susie to win

the baby contest,

and the other half didn't

even want her to enter.

I'm the chairman.

I said she qualified.

They bet on my word.

So I gotta qualify her.

By going off

and k*lling Pat?

Is that how?

Well, I won't tell you

where he is.

Yes, you will, Jenny.

Because according to the way

I read these rules,

they want the live father

on the church steps tonight.

Pat!

Pat Smith!

I wanna talk to you.

I'm alone, Pat.

I got something to tell you

about your wife and daughter.

Jenny got Susie

to the doctor in time.

She's gonna be well.

I got something

to tell you, Marshal.

Just keep your hands

above the saddle,

where I can see them.

You got the drop

on me, Pat.

All you gotta do

is pull the trigger.

So go ahead.

Unless you want to talk

things over sensibly.

What's the matter, Pat?

You afraid to talk?

No.

What is it, then?

Afraid to give me

an even break with a draw?

Now that's better.

Let's start with that money

you came to town to win.

Jenny and Susie

have got it made.

That's a lie.

Not a very

smart one, either.

Where would they get

that kind of money

in such a short time?

It sounds crazy,

but if I wanted to lie,

I couldn't make up

one like this.

You remember that

baby contest in town?

Well, your wife

entered Susie,

and she's winning it

hands down.

Think I'll fall for

a crazy yarn like that?

Tell me something.

How did you know

where I was at?

Jenny told me.

I know you're lyin' now.

She'd die before

she'd turn me in.

Use your head, Pat.

She had to tell me.

Nobody else knew

where you were.

She had good reasons.

She doesn't want

Susie's father to be

an outlaw and a gunfighter.

She wants to homestead,

like you planned.

I know why you went for

your g*n that day in town.

Your baby was hungry,

and you were half-crazy

because of it.

Yeah.

Now tell me something

else, Marshal.

Who's gonna feed her

while I'm breakin'

rock in jail?

We got no rock piles

in Wichita, Pat.

You only got one night

to spend in jail

for breaking

the no-g*n law.

How about riding down

the Marshal?

Well, I'll tell ya.

That cow town Marshal

won't admit that

he couldn't dodge

out of the way of a horse.

Not and keep

his self-respect.

Get on your horse.

We'll head back to town.

Stay where you are.

You gotta be back

in town by :

in order for Susie

to win that contest, Pat.

I only got one

persuader left.

Reach for your g*ns

and you're a dead man, Earp.

You wouldn't want Susie

showing up for that contest

without her shoes.

Thank you for the blanket,

Dr. Fabrique.

Well, that's all right.

Now don't you go

worrying about the baby.

If she doesn't win

the contest by herself,

the blanket will.

Have you ever seen

anything prettier?

There they are now!

Hey, Mr. McDonald!

Come here and hold these

horses for us, will you?

Is everything

all right?

Yeah, the Marshal--

Hey, we make it in time?

You'll cut it too close!

We're in a hurry, you know?

You want me to drive?

Why, sure!

You're Susie's papa!

Get on the wagon there!

I'll hold the baby.

Go on, now.

Get in! Up!

Aren't you precious.

Okay, Susie.

There we go.

Here we are, now.

Up to your mother.

Ah, well, that takes care

of paragraph seven.

Now get on over

to those courthouse steps!

I got a lot of money

ridin' on that baby!

Ha ha! Come on, boy!

Too bad you didn't get

a bet down on her, Wyatt.

Don't forget

to put shoes on her!

Never did meet a filly yet

that could win a race

without shoes.

[laughs]

Let's get on those horses

and ride over there!

♪ Well, he cleaned up

the country ♪

♪ The old Wild West country

♪ He made law

and order prevail ♪

♪ And none can deny it

♪ The legend of Wyatt

♪ Forever will live

on the trail ♪

♪ Wyatt Earp,

Wyatt Earp ♪

♪ Brave, courageous

and bold ♪

♪ Long live his fame

and long live his glory ♪

♪ And long may

his story be told ♪

♪ Long may his story

♪ Be

♪ Told