06x04 - Yes, We Have No Bonanza

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

WOMEN: ♪ From this valley
They say you are going ♪

♪ I shall miss your sweet face
And your smiles ♪

♪ Just because
You are weary and tired ♪

♪ You are changing
Your range for a while ♪

♪ Then come sit here a while
Ere you leave us ♪

♪ Do not hasten to bid us
Adieu ♪

♪ Just remember
The Red River Valley ♪

♪ And the cowboy
Who loves you so true ♪

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Whoa, Silver.

Hiya, babe.

Hiya, partner.

[HUMMING]

One beer--?

Hiya, boss. Late again, huh?

I couldn't help it.
Silver had a flat tire.

I'll give you a flat tire.
Go on, get busy.

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be comin'
Round the mountain ♪

♪ She'll be comin'
Round the mountain ♪

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be ridin' six
White horses when she comes ♪

One, two, three, four, five.
Half a dozen.

♪ She'll be ridin'
Six white horses ♪

♪ She'll be ridin'
Six white horses ♪

Say, that's the slowest
six white horses I ever saw.

We'll speed 'em up for you. Oh!

♪ She'll be ridin' six
White horses when she comes ♪

♪ Oh, we'll all go down
To meet her when she comes ♪

♪ Oh, we'll all go down
To meet her when she comes ♪

♪ Oh, I'll go right out
To meet her ♪

♪ With a poesy
I will greet her ♪

♪ And she'll think
That I'm the sweetest-- ♪

What's the matter?
Don't you--? No!

Oh!

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain she'll be comin ♪

♪ She'll be comin' round
The mountain when she comes ♪

Oy, oy, oy, oy.
Hey, take it easy.

That was awful.

You sound like
three sick heifers.

Well, we're doing our best.

You'll have to better,
or I'll put you to work

in the kitchen, get it?
ALL: Yes, sir.

Oh, boy. Boy, boy.

Don't let him talk
to you like that girls.

Why don't you quit?
We can't quit.

Father is indebted to him,
and if we don't

work it out,
he'll put Father in jail.

Now, now, don't let
that get you down.

Certainly, we still love you.

Soon as you make enough money
to pay off the debt,

we'll get you out of this joint.

Come on, break it up,
get busy. Here, you.

He can't talk to us like that,
the big bully.

I don't care if he is the boss.
He can't bluff me.

One of these days
I'll just break--

Here, hold this.

I'll just break him in two,
in pieces, that's what I'll--

[YELLS]

Now, one more crack out of you,

and I'll break you in two.
Come on, get busy!

You too!

One beer.

One beer, coming up.

Forty-two, , . Hike!

Hiya, Bill.

Draw one. Draw one.

Hike! On the way.

Aw, gee, Moe, I'm--
I know, I know.

Don't worry about it, kid.
It was only an accident.

Ah, now, that's nice.

That was no accident.

Who did you think I was,
a customer?

Come on, sit down.

Hiya, boss.

Hiya. Did you knock
off that bank?

Did I? I got grand.

Good.

Now listen.

[HUMMING]

Hey, what kind
of a drink is that?

That's my own brand:
a Western surprise.

There's no liquor in that.

That's the surprise.
Nyuk, nyuk--

You just try that again.

That settles that.

You mix that man
a Lay Me Low. Hurry up.

Get it? All right.
Yeah, I get it.

We'll take the dough up to the
little lake and bury it later.

In the meantime,
make like nothing happened.

Go over to the bar
and buy yourself a drink.

Right.

One straight.

One straight. One straight.

One straight.

Recede.

A $ gold piece?

Where'd you get that, partner?

Why, I just dug it up.

Thought it was a quarter.

Dug it up?

He must have found a gold mine.

Charge it.

If a dumb guy like
that can dig up gold,

so can we. Come on.

Ooh,
we're gonna be gold diggers.

Gosh, we'll be rich overnight.

Yeah, then we can pay
the girls' debts and marry them.

Oh, boy, I can see it now.

Me coming home
from a hard day's work.

I whistle for the dog,
and my wife comes out.

Me with my own wife
and children. Dozens of them.

Dozens of 'em? Yeah.

How many is that?

Two.

Do you know what you did?
Yeah, I do.

Two more.

Grab him.

The stuff ought to
be safe here, all right.

Yeah, we can remember where
we buried it by this stump here.

Ooh-- Ouch! What's the matter?

I lost a gold filling
out of my tooth.

We ain't got time
to look for it now.

Let's get back to town
before we're missed. Come on.

Whoa, Yorick.

This looks like a pretty good
place to camp for the night.

Yeah. I'll chop some wood
and get a fire going.

I'll cook the supper.

How about some scrambled eggs
smothered in steak?

Sounds swell to me.
Where's the eggs?

On top of the burro, so they'll
be nice and fresh in the sun.

Yeah we--

Get going before
we starve here, come on.

Hm, fresh hen fruit.
Handle with care.

Sack of flour coming down.

You pudding head,
now you broke the eggs.

So what? We'll have steaks
smothered in lamb chops.

And maybe chicken
on the side. Nyuk, nyuk.

You fix it. I've got
some prospecting to do.

Hand me down the dynamite,
and be careful.

I'll handle it
as if it were eggs.

I mean, I'll be careful.

Hm.

Why, you dumbbell!

Oh!

Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry!
I'm in the dark.

Turn on the lights.

Is that you? Yeah, yeah!

Oh! Oh, there you are.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

[PLAYS LIKE A XYLOPHONE]

These steaks are the tenderest.

Oh! Ooh, mm.

Oh, you, eh?

See how you like it.

Oh, a wise guy, huh?

Stop, now, cut it out.

That was dynamite.

Quick! Yorick, run for your
life. It's dynamite!

Whew!

We've got to get
some water, quick.

We gotta put it out
before it explodes.

Where's the bucket?

Oh, here it is.

Get out of here!

[CURLY WHOOPING]

Look, the dynamite's gone.

Yorick must have eaten it.

Do you hear what I hear?

He must have
swallowed it, all right.

I can hear it sizzling.
Quick, the water!

Here.

Don't be a stubborn mule,
you jackass.

Drink it, or you'll blow up.
I've got an idea.

I'll hold his mouth open
and you pour it in.

Go ahead. I'll take dead aim!

Easy, Yorick. Easy.
Take it, Yorick.

I'll m*rder you!
I'll m*rder you!

CURLY: Look out! Look out.

What happened? Nothing yet.

Alas, poor Yorick.
I knew him well.

Poor Yorick.

Gone with the wind. Pfft!
It's all your fault.

If you hadn't thrown the rock,
I wouldn't have thrown

the dynamite, and we'd
still have poor Yorick.

I had a dream last night.

Yorick told me he liked me,
and every time anybody likes me,

something always happens.
You're right.

[YELLING]

Oh, look, a gold nugget
shaped like a tooth.

Oh, boy, solid gold.

And karats. Carrots?

That don't look
like a vegetable to me.

I'll give you a cauliflower ear.

Oh! Come on, get busy.

You go get the tools.

Come on, pudding head,
start digging.

Nothing!

Here's the tools. Drop 'em.

Oh!

Go get a screen
and don't drop it.

Yeah. Here!

Ow! What's the matter?

Nothing.

[YELLS]

What have you got,
an iron plate on your head?

Give me that pick.

We're rich. We struck pay dirt.

Pay dirt, nothing.
We struck a mint.

One, two, three-- Ouch!

Why you--

Ouch!

Hurry up and dig some more.
I'll screen it.

Oh, screeno!

LARRY: Look, gold coins.

We hit a jackpot.

Oh, sacks of it.

Hey, look at the pretty papers.

Those ain't papers,
you sap. Them is bonds.

Bonds? Who ever heard of getting
bonds out of the ground.

Why not? Them is gold bonds.

Gee, ain't nature wonderful?

Come on, we gotta get back
to town and stake our claim.

Let's go.

We can't stay here all day.

Honey!

Darling! Sweetheart!

Look, we did it! We're rich.

You go change your clothes,

we'll pay off
your father's debts.

Then we'll get married.

[CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

Get away! [GROWLS]

Come on, we got work to do.

Hey, what's going on in here?

I told you we'd make good.

We dug up , bucks.

So you dug up stocks
and bonds too, eh?

Certainly.

Stand back from that table,
you crooks.

That's our dough! Ooh!

[g*nshots]

Come on!

Say, keep your weight
on that. Come on.

Give me that.

Come on, the car's downstairs.

Hey, wait for me!

Let's go! Come on.

Giddap!

Get going!

Hey, hey! We're standing still!

You would have
to pick a cigar-store horse.

Come on, hurry up!
Get out of here, Pete.

Come on.

Hey, look, there they go.

Hold on, boys.

They're following us
on horseback.

[g*nsh*t]

I think I'm shot.

Come on, step on it.

Hold on. We're going
around a curve.

Moe! Larry!

Grab a hold of him, quick!

[BUZZING]

Bees!

Give. Hike!

Hey, bees!

ALL: Whoa!

MAN: What's going on here?

What is this, anyway?

These dirty crooks
stole our dough!

Forty thousand bucks!

Why, this money was stolen
from the First National Bank!

And all the time
I thought we had a bonanza.

Yes, we have no bonanzas.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

But we got plenty of bricks!

[YELLS]

Say something, kid.
Say something.

Bonanza! Ah!

[♪]