Are we sure he's the ideal intern
for primate research?
He comes highly recommended.
His grades are incredible,
and his essay on the innate
connection between men and chimpanzees
is not only articulate,
but quite impassioned.
On paper, he is very impressive.
But he's not quite what we had in mind.
But he is the most qualified.
Congratulations, T.J., you've compiled
an impressive body of work,
that indicates an intellect and maturity
well beyond your years.
When do I get to play with the chimp?
It's not really playing.
Our primary goal here
is to determine the linguistic potential
of higher primates.
Our first pupil is Socrates.
Even though he's only two,
he's demonstrated definite progress
in syntactic comprehension.
This fellow is Plato.
He's shown a keen talent for a multitude
of arithmetic computations.
[chimp hoots]
And who's this guy?
Oh, that's Homer, very outgoing,
but a bit of a handful.
[chimp hoots]
And here's Homer with a rebuttal.
I want to work with him.
♪ Another slice of the life
Of master T.J. Henderson ♪
♪ Super intelligent,
A fine young gentleman ♪
♪ A -year-old whiz kid
Bustin' high school ♪
♪ A pugnacious little shorty
With a thousand I.Q. ♪
♪ He's got a way with the ladies ♪
♪ And he's keepin' it real ♪
♪ Your favorite little study buddy
He knows the deal ♪
♪ That he's still just a kid
On the ball, very clever ♪
♪ You can say that he's bright
Brainy, gifted, whatever ♪
♪ Your brother is smart ♪
♪ He's a smart guy ♪
♪ Smart guy ♪
♪ Smart guy ♪
♪ He's a smart guy ♪
Yo, yo, Joe, ooh!
Ooh-whee!
Are those the new Jordans?
And you know this.
Worship me. worship my...
Gear.
We are not worthy.
Man, those kicks cost like $ .
Yeah, yeah. Pocket change for the kid.
Yo, dude, the only cats I know
with that type of loot
are pro ballplayers and guys named silky
who hang out at bars all night.
Now, you are too short to be a ballplayer,
and I know your mama got you on a curfew,
So how are you gettin' all this kiz-ash?
Ahem.
Alpha-boost .
What are you talking about?
Hey, wait a minute, man.
Ain't those those $ candy bars?
Now, see, that's where you're wrong.
It's not a candy bar.
it's a nutritional energy supplement.
Man, it's a snicker bar
that's gettin' all uppity.
Now, I was gonna let you all in
on this moneymaking bonanza,
but I can see you guys
have all the scrilla you need.
So, I'll just take my happy air-Jordan
wearing behind to class.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Now, hold up, playboy.
Now, I don't have all the scrilla I need.
Okay, then... ahem...
Y'all are gonna become distributors
for alpha-boost .
Okay, and because you're my boys,
I'm willing to extend credit
on your first $ , worth of merchandise.
Okay, now, when you sell it,
you'll make , ,
Minus my small % commission.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.
%?
Standard alpha-boost commission.
But just imagine,
you guys recruit troops to sell for you.
Then you turn around
and take % from them.
The more troops you recruit,
the less you have to work.
And the more commissions we make.
Yeah. That's the alpha-boost way.
The man who started it made millions
from his tiny one-bedroom apartment.
Oh, wait! We got a three-bedroom home, so
that means I'll make three times as much.
So, what happened then?
So, Homer and I spent
the whole time together.
The first hour,
I taught him protogrammar
through lexigrams.
and the second hour, he taught me how
to do this...
Well, it's nice to see that everybody's
getting something out of it.
You want to see a picture of him?
You got pictures already.
you must be a proud papa.
Oh...
What a cute little monkey.
Chimp.
Monkeys and apes are an entirely
different genera.
Well, is it okay to say he's cute?
Isn't he?
And he's smart as a whip.
[knock on door]
Hi. Packages for Momar Enterprises.
-Momar Enterprises?
-Yeah.
You've got the wrong address, dude.
[Marcus] No, no, no, no!
No, no, no... He doesn't.
We got this, Pop.
You can bring that on in, brother.
Hey, man. Wait. Whoa, whoa.
Don't be wheelin' that up in here.
Pop, we are sales reps
for alpha-boost .
We're involved in a multilevel
marketing venture
with unlimited growth potential.
Yeah.
These nutritional and good-tasting bars
will virtually sell themselves.
Then what happens if they can't?
Pop, the word "can't" isn't even
in my vocabulary.
Along with most of the other words
in the English language.
Look, pop, T.J. and Yvette,
well, they're smart.
Now, see, me...
-I'm more of a free spirit.
-Mm-hmm.
And, as you know,
free spirits are very entrepreneurial.
So, look, why don't you show a little
bit more faith in your oldest son
and stop being so critical?
Now, are you gonna clip my wings
or help me to spread 'em?
Oh, you're spreadin' something, alright.
Come on, Pop.
Well, okay, then.
Bring 'em in.
Thanks, Pop. You won't be sorry.
Good morning, Linda, Socrates.
How are you today?
Can you show me apple?
Good boy.
You can do that.
[chimp hoots]
Isn't this a nice bird?
No?
Well, what is it, then?
It is an orange?
[chimp hoots]
Very impressive.
[chimp cries]
Homer, take your finger out of your nose.
Hello, T.J.,
Nostril. Yes.
Very good, Homer.
Alright, Homer, I'm hungry.
Can you show me apple?
Go ahead, Homer.
Show her the apple.
Concentrate.
That's it. That's it.
That's...
not it.
He had it a minute ago,
didn't you, big guy?
[chimp cries]
Well, he is certainly not making the kind
of progress we'd hoped for, is he?
He's just a slow starter.
Einstein didn't do all that well
in school, either.
I'm willing to bet that Einstein
knew the difference
between an apple and an aeroplane,
right, Plato?
I don't care what they say about you.
I know you're smart.
Right, buddy?
You're getting there.
I think I see a recruit right there.
Yo, Mackey.
Hey, Mo.
Man, where'd you get that button?
Came in my alpha-boost kit.
Would you guys like to buy some
alpha-boost bars?
-They're an incredible source of--
-Energy and nutrition.
I'm wearin' the button.
Oh, I didn't see that.
You didn't see this
flying saucer on my chest?
Who gave you that?
Deion. He's only letting a few choice guys
in on the action.
You?
I'm down with Deion.
You?
Don't worry. There's a lot of future
recruits in this school.
Say, Leslie...
Listen, baby, I know
you don't need the money
because you are already rich
in the looks department,
But, uh...
Where did you get that button?
Deion.
Thought so.
Do you still think I look good?
You alright.
Marcus, man, are you
seein' what I'm seein'?
Then if everybody is workin' for Deion,
Then there's nobody to work for us,
Which means we're gonna make %
of nothin'.
Well, at least that's somethin'.
Plato has increased his
noun recognition by %.
That's over words.
Absolutely incredible.
Apple.
Apple.
You eat one every day.
You threw one at Socrates.
No!
I've had days like that.
I know he can do this.
He's really smart.
He's just distracted by everything that's
going on around here.
Hey, they were pretty loud earlier.
Unfortunately, his test scores
are just too low.
He's bringing down
the entire performance curve,
and that could effect our grant money.
Well, what does that mean?
It means we may have to
drop him from the program.
You can't do that.
He's not dumb. He's just not
being challenged.
It's like me in the fourth grade.
They thought I was a discipline problem,
but I was just bored.
Look, failing the program's
not the worst thing in the world.
He'll go to jungle town animal park,
and spend his days swinging on a tire
and doing somersaults for peanuts.
[chimp cries]
Homer's better than that.
Look, I just need more time with him.
That's all.
I can get his scores up.
I think he'd be happier
at the animal park.
That's not what I want for him.
Look, if you let me work with him at home,
I'll have him right up with
the rest of the class,
Maybe even better...
Right, Homer?
See how smart he is?
He's giving me the business.
T.J.?
Is there something you forgot to tell me?
Oh, sorry, Dad. I was in the bathroom.
I'll get him back upstairs.
No, no, no, no, no.
You are missing the bigger picture.
Why is there a monkey in my house?
I have to teach him words by Monday,
or else he's gonna get dropped
from the program,
and they're gonna send him away.
And you wouldn't want that.
No. I also don't want him in my house.
Dad, please...
Not in front of Homer.
He's very sensitive.
Could we talk in the kitchen?
Okay.
By the way,
this sofa's not scotch guarded, so...
We're going in the kitchen to talk, Homer.
Here. I've rented
Gorillas in the Mist for you.
Watch it. Maybe you'll
see somebody you know.
Alright, T.J.,
Now, I never thought I'd
have to make this rule,
but no chimpanzees in the house.
Okay, but Homer gets
grandfathered in, right?
I mean, now that you've seen how sweet
and lovable he is,
You'll have to let him stay, huh?
Look, Teej, I am serious.
He's smelly, he's messy,
I don't have any confidence
he can learn words,
and he got to go!
We're finally getting rid of Marcus?
We're talking about T.J.'s monkey.
You know he brought that thing
home for the weekend?
He did?
Yeah, and now Dad wants to send him back.
Oh, no, Dad. You can't. You can't,
Not until we get a chance
to play with him.
He's not a doll.
He's a living, breathing animal
who's going through
a tough time academically,
And he needs our support.
Well, I'll help you because I am very good
with animals.
Dad, he's counting on me.
He doesn't have anybody else.
He's your child.
You gotta take care of him,
and come Monday morning,
he got to go, okay?
-Aah!
-Thank you, Dad!
-Thank you. Thank you.
-Thank you.
Alright, Homer. Everything's cool now.
Oh...
Isn't he the cutest thing?
Can I pick him up?
Oh, yeah. He's very friendly.
Just be gentle with him.
Oh, don't worry, T.J.
Animals love me.
They instinctively know
that I am their friend.
Excuse me.
[sweetly] Hi, Homer.
I'm Yvette.
[chimp hoots]
[chimp screaming]
Obviously, he has issues with women.
[chimp screaming]
Alpha-boost is the answer
to everyone's future.
Now, frankly, I don't know
why everyone in America
isn't taking advantage of
this incredible opportunity.
Because you've got most of America
already working for you.
May we please speak to you?
Here's two of my happy sales force.
They started with just
a dollar and a dream.
My, you guys are strong.
They been eating them
alpha-boost bars, y'all.
Haven't been eatin' them,
haven't been sellin' them,
but I know where I want to put 'em.
Yeah, shrimp scampi.
We're hip to your little scam.
We've got $ , worth of inventory
on our hands,
and you're gonna take it back.
What am I gonna do with it?
Eat 'em. Get strong.
That way you can survive the whoopin'
we gonna lay on you.
No, no, no. Now, gentlemen.
The last thing I want is
a dissatisfied sales force.
I will gladly take back any unused product
as long as it's in its original boxes.
Straight up?
Have I ever lied to you?
-Mm-hmm.
-Mm-hmm.
This week?
-[Mo] I don't remember.
-[Marcus] Not this week.
Maybe last week.
-[Marcus] Where'd he go?
-[Mo] There he is.
-[Mo] Where you goin'?
-[Marcus] Get him!
The color red means stop.
The color green means go.
Now, if I say the word "go,"
What color do you hold up?
Now you give me an apple?
Now?
-[chimp cries]
-What's the matter with you?
If you don't start concentrating,
they're gonna send you
to some animal park,
and Socrates will get all
the attention in the program
and become this big celebrity
and sit on the couch with Jay Leno
and do videos with Puff Daddy.
Is that what you want?
You better be worried. Now, let's do this.
T.J., can I have a word with you?
In private?
Oh, it's okay, Dad.
You can talk in front of him.
He doesn't understand anything.
Well, maybe he just doesn't
understand yelling.
I have to be tough on him, Dad.
Look, you guys have been at it for hours.
Now, why don't you give him a break?
A break?
Dad, there are no breaks
in the real world,
and no chimp of mine
is going to be a slacker.
Listen, kid, I know you want him to
be the T.J. of chimps,
but maybe he's not.
Maybe this is the best he can do.
I don't believe that.
He's got a lot of potential,
and he's just not living up to it.
If he doesn't achieve more,
I'm going to be very angry.
Well, speaking as a fellow parent
and having tried that before,
I can tell you that sometimes those kind
of threats don't really work on kids.
Sometimes your child just needs to know
that you love him just the way he is.
If I don't push him,
he'll never do better.
Well, as one parent to another,
May I suggest to you that you at least
take a -minute study break,
Maybe even a nap.
Well, I'm sure he can sleep now,
But I certainly can't.
Oh, just lay down awhile.
Close your eyes. Give 'em a rest.
Hey, uh, come here. Have a snack. Come on.
[chimp hoots]
There you go. See? I got the old man
off your back.
That's what a grandparent does.
Hey, T.J., I'll check on you in...
[sighs]
Two hours?
Somebody was supposed to wake me.
Okay, come on, Homer.
Homer, quit hiding.
We've got a lot of work to do.
Homer...
Oh, no.
Homer!
Dad!
Well, I wouldn't take it so hard.
I'm sure he likes you.
I mean you're smart and you're pretty
and you've got a great personality.
Most chimps would be lucky
to get a hug from you.
Dad, Homer's gone. Homer's gone.
I woke up, and the window was open, and--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Homer's gone?
Yes. You were right, Dad.
I pushed him too hard.
I didn't give him enough support and love,
and now he's out there wandering
the lonely streets
with low self-esteem and
no education to speak of.
Look, he can't have gone far.
You and I will go out front
and look in the trees.
Yvette, you stay here
in case he comes back.
But he won't come back
if Yvette stays here.
I don't think he likes her too much.
He likes me just fine.
He's just been hurt by women,
and so he's pushing me away.
Can you believe that guy, man,
tryin' to rip us off like that?
Well, look, we're just gonna give Deion
these bars back
and get off the hook.
Whoa! Monkey.
Yo, man, Deion is not gonna take these
bars back with monkey butt all over them.
Get your stinkin' paws off our candy bars,
you dirty rotten ape!
[chimp screams]
[chimp hoots]
He ain't one of them
old flyin' monkeys, is he?
-[chimp screams]
-Homer
Homer!
Whew! There's that monkey.
Thank goodness you're alright.
I was worried sick about you.
Forget about him. What about us?
Yeah. All our merchandise
just got monkeyfied.
He ate 'em all?
No. He just opened up
each one, took a bite, and threw it back.
You think he would have figured
he didn't like them by the th one.
Stupid monkey.
Don't call him stupid!
Even if he isn't all that smart.
He's a good chimp.
He's my chimp, no matter what he does.
I'll never push you that hard again
and don't worry about the test on Monday.
As long as you do your best,
that's all I care about.
[chimp hoots]
Aw, that is so sweet.
Can I have a hug, too?
Clearly, he was taken from
his mother too young.
So is Deion giving you your money back?
Oh, no need.
We put our entrepreneurial skills to work,
and we found a buyer
for our entire inventory.
Who'd want $ , worth of half-eaten
health bars?
The zoo.
Say hello to Momar's
mouthwatering monkey chow,
For the health-conscious chimp.
Nothing worse than a chimp
with love handles.
I'm sure he did fine.
Yeah. He finished before the other chimps.
I hope he went back
and double-checked his answers.
Well, how did he do?
Better than we expected, but...
Not good enough?
A .
A "C".
A "C". well, that's great. He's average.
He's an average chimp. Average is good.
But we need better than average chimps
for this program.
Oh, yeah. That's okay.
I'm sure he did his best.
You did your best, right?
He did his best.
I'm sorry, but, uh...
I'm afraid we're gonna have to send him
to the, uh...
You know.
Oh, I know.
Can I tell him?
Good news, Homer.
You don't have to stay in
this boring place anymore.
You get to go to a big park with big trees
and waterfalls and girl chimps.
It'll be a lot of fun.
[chimp cries]
I know. I know.
I'm gonna miss you, too.
But at some point,
you're gonna have to make it on your own.
Just remember...
I love you.
Hey, I think he understood that.
Yeah. I think he did, too.
Hey, guys.
Hey, so how did Homer do?
Well, he's going to an animal park,
but it's only an hour away,
so we can visit him any time we want.
Yeah. I'm still gonna miss him.
Aw... Come here, T.J.
Aah!
That's cold.
-Dad--
-Aah! Ooh ooh!
[clapper] I'm never working
for this guy again.
02x17 - Goodbye, Mr. Chimps
Watch/Buy Amazon
T.J. Henderson, who moves from being an elementary school student in the fourth grade to a high school student in the tenth grade, attending the same school as his two elder siblings.
T.J. Henderson, who moves from being an elementary school student in the fourth grade to a high school student in the tenth grade, attending the same school as his two elder siblings.