02x13 - Marcy's Wedding

[bunniefuu]

[OPENING THEME PLAYING]

[SINGING WEDDING MARCH]

Kraus, Kraus, Kraus, could you stop that infernal racket?

I'm trying to work over here.

I'm sorry, Benson, I can't help it. I'm so excited.

This is the first wedding in the mansion since I have been here.

[LAUGHING] And when Marcy asked me to be her maid of honor,

I almost died.

Almost doesn't count.

Oh, Lord, I forgot to call the photographer.

No, I called him yesterday.

Oh, Gretchen, that coffee smells wonderful.

How was Dan's bachelor party last night, Benson?

I left early to come to work.

Oh, how nice. Oops, these are for you.

No, they're not.

Gretchen, I thought you might want to pick out the color of the bridesmaid's dresses.

Oh. Oh, just think of it.

In less than a week, I'm gonna be Dan's bride.

You know, I think all this has been part of a greater plan.

If all those guys hadn't ditched me, I wouldn't be here for Dan.

That is a beautiful way of looking at it, Marcy.

That is the only way of looking at it, Gretchen.

Have you arranged for the music, Benson?

Ja,how about some music?

It's all taken care of.

What about getting people from the airport?

Ja,what about the drivers? Did you call for them?

Yes, I did.

Did you call the florist?

Out with it, Benson.

Yes, I called the florist.

Then where are the flowers? Ja,where are they?

Waiting to be picked!

The wedding's next week, what do you want, flowers or compost?

Marcy, I've arranged banquets for people.

This is a small wedding.

I've got everything under control, what are you worrying about?

She wouldn't have to worry if somebody else were running things.

Like who?

Can't you guess who?

I'm still trying to guess what.

Hi, everybody. MARCY: Hi, doll.

KRAUS: Hello, Liebling.

Only seven more days. If you wanna back out, I'll take him.

Fat chance, shorty.

I guess I have to settle for flower girl.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Dan's little girl, Sally, is going to be the flower girl

'cause his son's going to be the ring bearer.

Oh.

So, I guess there's nothing left for you to be...

Except a bridesmaid.

Oh, wow, a bridesmaid? [GASPS]

Now, you got some heavy responsibilities there, Katie.

If Dan panics and tries to escape, you've gotta tackle him and hold him down.

I'm gonna go call Debbie Falkenberg.

When she hears I'm gonna be a bridesmaid, she'll waste away.

Oh, dear.

Oh, Lord, I almost forgot why I came in here.

Uh, Benson, how far have you gotten with the arrangements

for the reception supper? It's all done.

Menu, seating, place cards, everything.

Oh, good.

Except that I'm having second thoughts.

Well, marry him anyway. I already ordered the cake.

No, I'm not having second thoughts about that.

It's just that a formal dinner is so...

Formal.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you're saying buffet.

Well, now, see, a buffet is more in keeping with the informality of the wedding.

Is it too late to change? Yeah.

You'll do it anyway?

Yeah.

But, this is it, okay? Okay, I promise, no more changes, thanks.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Marcy, oh, Marcy, guess what?

Dan asked me to be his best man.

Well, I'm delighted, sir.

Well, actually, I wasn't his first choice.

He wanted one of the fellas who worked with him at the TV station.

But he was up in Canada making a documentary on Tundra.

He didn't say what night it'd be on.

It's too bad 'cause I'd hate to run across it accidentally.

[GIGGLES] I've never been a best man before.

I came that close one time.

It turned out the groom was pointing to the fellow right next to me.

Well, you made it this time.

Yeah, I couldn't miss.

I was the only guy in the room.

When are your parents arriving, Marcy?

Well, my mother's coming in from St. Paul on Friday.

I sent Daddy a cable in New Zealand. I'm not quite sure when he'll get here.

Why is your father in New Zealand?

Because Mother's in St. Paul.

My mother's a little overbearing.

My parents seem to get along better in different hemispheres.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Just a moment, please.

It's your mother. Mmm.

Maybe she's heard from Daddy.

Hi, Mom.

What do you mean "surprise"?

You're at the airport here?

Inconvenient? No, no, not at all.

No, I'll pick you up right away.

[SCOFFS] I can't do that, Mother.

Because the Governor's limousine is used for state business only.

Right. Yeah, I love you, too.

Okay, bye-bye.

Ah, she's four days early.

Isn't that nice? Your mother came early.

She must be looking forward to seeing you.

I'm looking forward to seeing her, too.

Just not that much of her.

Well, I better get to the airport to pick her up.

Gee, I hope I didn't give you guys the wrong impression.

My mother really is a remarkable woman.

She's strong and determined and positive and aggressive.

They're all very admirable qualities. Yeah.

If you're a linebacker.

Marcy, I don't have anything against a short veil.

If you want everybody in the room watching your chin come down the aisle.

Benson, dear, this will never do.

It's a wedding, not an auction.

I thought we'd see how much we could get for her. [CHUCKLES]

I think you did a wonderful job, Benson. Well, I don't.

Mother didn't mean that. Yes, I did.

I won't have you mumbling "I do" into the chimney.

Oh, I'm sure Benson did the best job he could.

Perhaps you don't understand the problem, Benson.

I'm beginning to.

I want Marcy to make an entrance

and walk down the longest aisle we can squeeze into this room.

Do you have any ideas, Benson?

Well, I've got one.

I'm sure you do. And I don't blame you.

Now, Marcy, never mind. Mother to the rescue.

I made out a floor plan of my own.

I left it on your desk. I'll be right back.

Oh, Marcy, dear. Yeah?

This might be a very good time to speak to Benson about the buffet.

What about the buffet?

Oh, well, you know how a girl is, just before her wedding.

A little giddy, a little silly, a little scatter-brained.

Changing her mind times a minute. Exactly.

Knowing her friends will understand.

The buffet, Marcy.

What about it?

It's been changed to a sit-down dinner, hasn't it?

I think so.

When did your mother give you that idea?

Right after she decided we wouldn't be having an informal wedding.

Why didn't you just say no?

Because she's my mother.

Oh, saying no won't change that.

Benson, you've gotta understand,

my mother wants this to be the perfect wedding.

Then why is she here?

Darling, I found this letter on your desk.

It's from your father.

I would've read it but I'm sure I've heard it all before.

This is the floor plan. Thank you so very much.

Daddy never got my cable.

He left New Zealand the day before I sent it.

He's somewhere in the Fiji Islands.

What's he doing there?

Oh, Marcy's father's still trying to prove his idiotic theory

that the Fiji Islands were once part of Santa Barbara.

Well, who'd believe something like that?

He got a government grant.

Even if I could reach him, there's no way he could get here in time for the wedding.

Well, that's just gonna break his heart.

And who's gonna give me away?

Don't worry, dear, everything will work out.

There's always Uncle Henry.

The one who does the seal imitation?

Oh, no, dear, that's your Uncle Lou.

Uncle Henry is a stockbroker from Akron.

Good old Uncle Henry.

As you can see, I want the minster at the far end of the room.

And the aisle on a diagonal from that door

and all the guests facing this way.

Is that clear? Yeah.

You want me to turn the chairs around.

Yeah?

Yes.

Mother, I hardly know Uncle Henry.

Don't worry, dear, we'll find somebody suitable.

If worse comes to worse, I'll give you away myself.

I don't wanna come down the aisle with my mother on my arm.

That's better than having her on your back.

Jeanine, I am not trying to marry you off.

I like paying you alimony.

All we have left in common is my money.

But I know how much you wanna see the ice show

and I just happen to have two tickets. He's a real nice guy.

Works out of his home. You've met him, Jeanine.

Yeah, I know for a fact, you've been to his house.

When your great Aunt Hester was laid out, remember?

Well, yeah, but he prefers to be called a mortician.

Hello?

It's too bad. He could've helped her with her makeup.

Hey, do you wanna buy two tickets to the ice show tonight?

Pete, I'm getting married tomorrow.

You'll be out by :.

The Governor wants to see you.

♪♪ Someday, you and I... ♪♪

[HUMMING]

Excuse me, miss.

Well, yes, may I help you?

Does Marcy Hill work here? Well, I believe she does, why?

Do you know if she fools around?

I'm afraid you'll have to marry her first.

Mmm, terrible price to pay, but, I'm desperate.

[GIGGLES] Hi.

Oh, hello, Dan.

I'm very sorry but you'll have to leave us alone now. [DAN GROANS]

The day before a girl's wedding is the busiest day of her life.

Mother, he just got here.

Oh, Marcy, you'll have all your lives to be together.

Besides, Dan has to get a haircut.

Don't you, Dan? I do whatever I'm told.

The most important quality in a husband.

I will call you later.

Oh, tell the barber, nothing fancy.

We don't want you looking prettier than Marcy.

Now, Marcy, dear.

Is there any way I can help you on your wedding night?

Take the night off, Mom.

I meant, hotel reservation, plane tickets.

Yes, I know, dear. Dan's taken care of all that.

You don't need to worry.

Oh, Benson. Hi, there.

Would you please arrange to have a security guard

posted at the gift table tomorrow?

Why?

Aren't you concerned with someone making off with the gifts?

Oh, no, we didn't invite any congressmen.

Benson, I want a security guard.

We don't need one. But I want one.

I'm afraid not. Mother.

Never mind, I'll talk to the Governor.

Mother, you can't just barge in there.

Wanna bet?

When they made Mother, they broke the mold.

Good, she's the last of her kind.

John said you wanted to see me about something.

Yeah, I have a favor I wanna ask you.

Come on, Marcy, if it's about changing back to the buffet, forget it.

Elope. I'll send a pizza to your motel.

It's not that. Something else. Sit down. I wanna ask you something.

No, your mother cannot perform the ceremony.

[CHUCKLES]

I would like you to give me away at my wedding.

Why me?

Because I love you.

Thank you.

But you must have a relative you can ask.

Well, I've got lots of relatives,

it's just that I don't know any of them.

I don't want a stranger to give me away.

I want it to be a friend. Somebody I care about.

I want it to be you.

Well? Okay, what do I have to do?

Nothing, all you have to do is walk me down the aisle and make sure I don't trip.

Okay, I'll give you away. It'll be my pleasure.

Oh, thanks, Benson. I'll give you away on one condition.

What's that? That Dan doesn't give you back.

[LAUGHS] Oh, thank you.

Well, Marcy, having a last fling?

Benson's agreed to stand in for my father

and give me away at my wedding.

Aha!

You think anybody will notice?

Well, I suppose I should say something nice. [LAUGHS]

I'm thinking.

By the time he comes up with something,

you'll be on your honeymoon. I'll see you later.

Well, well, well. This wedding becomes more fascinating

with every passing moment.

Fear not. The security is all arranged.

Oh, Clayton.

Don't forget the rehearsal this afternoon, at :.

I'll be there, Louise.

And may I congratulate you

on your meticulous organization of this most happy event.

Thank you.

It is pleasure to have you in the wedding party.

No, no, no, the pleasure is mine.

Believe me, I'm looking forward to tomorrow afternoon.

Are you?

Yes, I look fabulous in a tuxedo.

What a charmer.

Oh, yes.

Mother, sit down for a minute.

Oh, yes, there's still a lot to do.

Mom. Hmm?

I finally decided who's going to give me away.

Oh, good, dear, who is it?

Benson.

[LAUGHS] I didn't hear that.

I said Benson.

What an interesting idea.

That thought never crossed my mind.

Uh, but, really, dear,

how will it look in the Saint Paul Dispatch? A picture of you

coming down the aisle with a man who isn't even a relative?

You mean a black man?

Color has nothing to do with it.

Oh, Mother, come on.

I'm talking about position.

It would be a different story if he were Jesse Jackson.

Or even Reggie Jackson.

Marcy, dear, I don't object of Benson being black.

It's just that he is not a member of the family

and he's not prominent, so we'll just have to find someone else.

Fine.

While you are coming up with one of our prominent black relatives,

I'll be coming down the aisle with Benson.

Marcy, I'm warning you...

If you substitute Benson for the father of the bride,

you better get a substitute for the mother of the bride,

because I'm not coming to the wedding.

You are doing that all wrong.

You want to iron it?

Only if you're in it.

With so many wrinkles,

they will think a prune is marching down the aisle.

Not if you get your beauty sleep.

Oh, ja?

Well, when I make my entrance as a maid of honor tomorrow,

all heads will turn.

Yeah, toward the wall.

That's not bad.

Looks like an unmade bed.

Well, time to hit the road to dreamland...

First a hot bath, then brush the teeth, then the floss.

Kraus, I don't need a countdown. Just blast off.

Guten Abend, father of the bride.

Good night, maid of honor.

Hi. Oh, hi, Marcy.

I thought you'd be at home in front of a mirror, practicing, "I do."

I've been practicing that since I was six.

I've got it down cold.

I need to talk to you again.

You got jitters? It's normal.

It's my mother. That's not normal.

She says if you give me away, she won't come to the wedding.

She's called my Uncle Henry in Akron. He's flying in tomorrow.

He's her brother. She wants to keep it in the family.

Well, what's the big deal? There's no problem.

The problem is me. Why can't I stand up to her?

Well, look, I hate to admit it, but for once, she's right.

It should be family.

No, Benson, it should be who I want.

It should be you.

Marcy, what difference does it make who gives you away

as long as we get rid of you?

I feel awful. Sorry.

It's okay, it's okay. I know.

You just got caught in the middle. That's all.

Why don't you just get home, get some sleep?

You don't want your eyes red

on the happiest day of your life.

I'll see you on the receiving line.

Thanks for being so understanding.

Well, it could have been worse.

She could've changed it back to a buffet.

[CHUCKLES]

See you tomorrow. Okay.

Well, I must say, it's a beautiful day for a wedding, huh, Dan?

Dan? Dan?

Hmm? Oh, I'm fine.

Have some water. You'll feel better.

No, thank you.

Rarely have I seen such a complete state of withdrawal.

When are you gonna get dressed, Clayton?

Oh, not until the very last moment, sir.

I don't like to sit down in the pants.

It makes the back of my knees all wrinkly.

I'm fine.

Governor, the minister's here.

Oh, good.

I'm getting married today.

He's very nervous. You think he's all right?

Say, "I do." I do.

He's fine. Told you.

[TELEPHONE BUZZES]

Hello?

Oh, yes, Marcy, Benson's here. It's for you.

Yes, Marcy?

Okay, I'll be right out.

Marcy wants to see me in her office.

Why didn't she just stick her head in? We're all decent.

No, sir, it's bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the ceremony.

I've never understood the reason for that custom until now.

DAN: Oh, Benson? I know, you're fine.

Benson, I'd like you to meet my Uncle Henry.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Nice to meet you.

You know, I'm sorry for the part I played in all this.

I had no idea what was going on when Louise called me.

I've told him everything.

My sister takes a little getting used to.

Of course, most people don't bother.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what happened.

Oh, it's all right, nothing to apologize for.

Besides, you look better in a tuxedo than I do.

Benson, you don't understand.

Marcy! What are you doing here?

The guests have started to arrive.

You go upstairs this very minute and start getting ready.

No.

Did you say "no"?

It sounded like "no" to me.

I heard "no."

Mother, I'm not going anywhere till this gets straightened out.

Now, I didn't sleep at all last night,

thinking about how badly I treated Benson.

I should have stopped all this right at the beginning.

Now, just a minute, young lady. Look, Mother.

This is my wedding.

And Benson's going to give me away.

Now, if you can't handle that, I'm sorry.

Very well, but I'm going home.

Have a safe trip, Mother.

Come off it, Louise.

You know damn well you're not going to miss the wedding.

You are gonna give me away, aren't you?

Whatever you say. I'm not gonna cross you.

Smart man.

Gee, Clayton, you're right, you do look fabulous in a tux.

I like the way that it shows off your socks.

Sir, the dry cleaner sent the wrong one.

[LAUGHS]

Well, there's a bright side,

think how silly Mickey Rooney's gonna look in yours.

Peter, a short joke from you is redundant.

What does that mean? You are a short joke.

Well, let's go, positions.

We're ready.

Where's the groom?

Oh!

I'm fine.

[BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYS]

I can't believe this is really happening.

Believe it.

A very pale man down there intends to marry you.

Oh!

Get up, Mother, or you'll miss it.

We're gathered together on this happy occasion

to join you in marriage, an honorable institution

which is entered into by an exchange of vows.

Who gives this woman in marriage?

I do, and her mother.

Do you, Daniel, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife,

to love, honor, and respect, in sickness and in health,

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Do you, Marcia, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband,

to love, honor, and respect, in sickness and in health,

as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Ring, please.

For as you both have consented in matrimony

and acknowledge the same before this company,

I, by virtue of the authority vested in me,

do hereby pronounce you husband and wife.

Yay!

Well, Mother, our little girl is all grown up.

Ah, Marcy and Dan looked so happy at the reception last night.

The part I liked best was when Marcy threw the bouquet.

Yeah, sure, you caught it.

Yeah, you're getting pretty slow there, Kraus.

How did I know Marcy would throw a grounder?

Does that really mean I'll be the next one married?

You'll be way ahead of anybody in this room.

I'm gonna go call Debbie Falkenberg and tell her

I'm the next one getting married!

Well, maybe she will be and maybe she won't be.

What is that supposed to mean?

Uncle Henry is a widower.

And at the reception, he was very sweet to me.

That's the champagne.

Oh, Ja?Well, not only was he sweet,

he made an advance.

Well, I certainly hope you had the decency to give him his money back.