05x09 - How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall?

[bunniefuu]

Bobby Joe Bails Off That Bull.

He's Up And Over The Fence.

We're Seeing Some
Great Rodeo Action Today.

Next Up,
Hailing From Waco, Texas

Buck Mcpherson.

All Right, Buck.

Go Ahead And Ride That Bull.

That Is One Angry Brahma Bull.

Hi, Cliff.

Hey, Hon.

You Remember Barbara,
The Dressmaker.

Hello, Cliff.

Hello, My Lady.

Oh, Sir Clifford.

Could You Watch
Downstairs?

I Want To Try
On My Dress.

I Want To Watch
Buck Ride The Bull.

By The Time I Get It On,
He'll Be Gone.

Why Can't I
See Your Dress?

I Want
To Surprise You

At The Hospital
Benefit Saturday Night.

But I've Seen It.

You Think So.

I've Just Covered It
In Smashing Gold Beads.

Listen To Clair.

Hit The Road.

And Buck Is Down.

Good-Bye, Cliff.

That Was
A Dandy Ride.

Let's Watch It
In Slow Motion.

I Have Always Wondered
About The Fascination

American Men Have
With Riding Bulls.

Very Curious.

You Wouldn't Understand
Because You're From England.

You All Chase After The Foxes.

I'm Going Downstairs

To Have A Spot Of Tea

And Kippered Herring...

On Chitlings.

All Right, Darling.

You Can Come Out Now.

I Can't Get It To Zip Up.

When I Put It On Four Months Ago

It Fit Just Fine.

The Dress
Is The Same Size.

Perhaps You're Not.

Please.

I Couldn't Have
Gained That Much.

The Zipper
Probably Needs Wax.

Help Me, Please.

Exhale.

Could You Exhale
A Little Further?

Barbara:
Darling.

Clair:
Oh!

It Won't Go
Any Further.

How Much Do I Have To Lose?

If You Lost Three Pounds,
You Could Get Into It.

If You Lost Five Pounds

You Could Get
Into It More.

When Is This Hospital Benefit?

Next Saturday.

You Can Lose
Five Pounds In Six Days?

Yeah, If I Diet
And Exercise, I Can

And Cliff
Will Never Know.

Barbara:
Why?

He'd Be Very Supportive AboutYou Trying To Lose ThisWeight.

That's What You Think.

I've Been After Him
About His Weight For Years.

I Finally Get Him
To Where He Looks Good

And I Can't Get
Into This Dress.

So This Is Staying
Within These Walls.

Mum's The Word.

Thank You.

Hello.

Haven't Seen You
In This Class Before.

Never Came Before.

I'm Going To Get
Myself In Shape.

You'll Like This Class.

We Have Some Nice Teachers.

Good.

But Watch Out For Emma Newhouse.

She Wears This Leopard Headband.

Emma Is The Meanest Thing
On Two Feet.

The Woman Gets Pleasure
Out Of Making You Suffer.

We Have
A Nickname For Her...

Captain Bonecrusher.

Hello, Kay.

I'm Glad
You're Here Today.

Come On, Baby.

Stretch, Stretch.

There We Go.

Good Afternoon

All You Sagging
Hunks Of Flesh.

I Can See You've Been Munching
Those Chocolate Bon Bons

And Licking
That Gourmet Ice Cream

And Some Of Y'all
Been Going Back For Seconds.

Remember How
You Been Saying

"I'll Enjoy It Now
And Pay Later"?

Let Me
Introduce Myself.

I'm Later.

Up On Your Feet, Ladies.

Breath In.

And Stretch.

And Stretch.

And Down.

And Lunge.

Come On, Kay.

Work It.

And Up.

Again.

Come On.

Stretch It.

And Down.

And Lunge.

Work That Thigh.

Down And Up.

Contract, Release.

Contract, Release.

Come On, Ladies.

You Paid
To Be Here.

Let's Work It.

You've Got To Burn It

To Earn It.

You've Got To Sweat It

To Get It.

You've Got To Shake It

To Make It.

Knees Up.

Come On.

Come On, Honey.

You In That Deco Leotard.

Who, Me?

Yeah, Baby.

Knees Up.

I Saw That.

Don't Roll
Your Eyes At Me.

I'm Not The One

Whose Thighs
Got A Mind Of Their Own.

All Those Potato Chips
Around Your Waist.

Oh, You Didn't
Like That.

Come On.

Show Me.

Take Me
To The River.

Yeah.

Ha.

Can You Feel It?

(Mumbling)

I Didn't Hear Everybody.

You Need An Extra Five Minutes.

We Can Feel It.

Too Late.

We're Doing The Extra Five.

Now Jump.

Hop.

Come On.

Hop.

Flap.

Where Did That Deco Leotard Go?

Betty, Three Feet

To Your Left.

Everybody, Keep Going.

Oh, I Found
A Special Friend.

You're Going To Be

One Of My Special
Students.

Everybody.

I Want Y'all To Watch
Fantasia Jump.

Come On.

Knees.

Faster, Faster,
Faster, Faster.

Pump It.

Yeah.

This Is The Gold.

Go For The Gold.

Anyone Left In This Room

Automatically Has
To Take My Next Class.

I Knew That Would Get You.

I Would Love To Stay
For Your Next Class.

Unfortunately,
I Have An Appointment.

An Appointment Where?

At The Dairy Queen?

Excuse Me.

I Paid For The Exercise
But Not For The Abuse.

The Abuse Is Free.

You're One Of Those Rich Ladies
That Comes Here To Lose Weight

To Fit Into
Some Fancy New Dress.

Shows How Much You Know.

The Dress Is Old.

Well, How Much Weight
Do You Need To Lose?

Five Pounds In Six Days.

Honey, Those Are
The Miracles You Pray For.

Get Down On Your Knees Now.

Now You Wait A Minute.

It Is Very Important
That I Get Into This Dress.

Whatever It Takes,
I'll Do It.

I Might Need Personal Help.

Would You Be My Trainer?

I'm Not Getting Involved With
A Woman With No Self-Control.

I Have Self-Control.

You'd Have To Exercise
Four Hours A Day.

I'll Exercise Five Hours A Day.

You'll Have A Very Strict Diet.

The Stricter The Better.

You'll Eat / Ounces Of
Protein

/ Cups Of Fresh Vegetables

No Salt, No Sugar

And Ten Glasses
Of Distilled Water.

That's Pretty Strict.

You Got A Problem
With That?

No, Because
I'm A Good Dieter

As Long As
I Can Splurge Once.

I Got A Weakness
For Mexican Food--

Quesadillas, Guacamole.

You See,
Guacamole Butt.

No Self-Control.

Forget About The Mexican Food.

Whatever The Diet And Exercise
Just Bring It On

Because I Am
Here To Work.

I'm Going To Look So Good
When We're Finished

I'll Make My Own Video--

The Clair Huxtable
Workout.

I'm Not Giving You A Copy.

You'll Have To Buy Your Own.

Hold On Now.

Take That Jacket Off.

My Next Class Is About To Start.

Now You're Talking.

Okay.

So Where Is Everybody?

You're It.

Come On.

Come On, Honey.

Show Me Something.

And Work It.

And Knees Up.

Up.

Hey, Hey, Hey,
Come On, Now.

Dinner Smells Delicious.

Thank You Very Much.

Yeah, Dad.

This Will Be Even Better
Than What We Get

At El Grande Restaurant.

Might.

You Even Made

Guacamole And Quesadillas--
Mom's Favorite.

She's Going
To Love You For This.

I Had Your Mother In Mind
When I Made This Decision.

Buenos Dias.

My Little Flower.

Gr-R-R-Ung, Gr-R-Rung,
Gr-Rung, Gung Gung.

Gr-R-R-Ung, Gr-R-Rung,
Gung Gung.

What Do You Smell

Coming From
The Kitchen?

Huh?

What Is It?

Mexican Food.

Si.

I Want You To Know

That In Honor
Of Being Your Husband...

I Love You So Much

I Decided To Recreate
The Entire Menu

Of El Grande Restaurante.

I Am Making Conchitos Los Vitos
El Grande Meal For You.

I Am Taking The Pork
From The Pig

That Was k*lled
While It Was Alive.

I Have Diced It
So Fine

Put It On The Skillet
With The Butter.

Two, Three Pounds
Of Butter.

You Could Hear...

(Sizzling Sounds)

And Then Took
A Jalapeno Pepper...

Threw It Into The Grease
And Pulled It Out Right Away.

Two-Second Jalapeno Pepper
In The Butter

With The Oink Flesh
Sizzling And Crackling.

"Oh, My Goodness,"
I Said.

"My Wife
Loves This Meal."

She Says

"Oh, Cliff, This Restaurant
Is Out Of This World."

I Have It For You,
My Dear.

What Do You Say?

I'm Not Hungry.

What?

But Listen.

I Made Guacamole.

I Made With My Own Hands.

From The Same Recipe Of The Man
Who Gave It To Me.

This Man
Who Made The Tortillas...

Years Old.

Ground The Corn
With His Own Knuckles.

He Ground The Corn So Fine
To Make The Tortilla.

Then To Put On The Tortilla,
Some Double Monterey Jack

Cheese...

To Melt Over Them.

What Say You,
My Love?

I'm Not Hungry.

You Say... What?

I Have Made Guacamole Sauce
For You.

Guacamole.

The Avocados Were Hand-Held
On The Plane

By Mrs. Mole Herself
Who Brought The Guacas And Said

"Please, Dr. Huxtable

Make These For
Your Beautiful Wife."

What Say You?

What Say You?

What Say You?

I'm Going To My Room
And Have A Carrot.

What?!

Say You
A Carrot?

Well, Okay.

Hey, Kids.

Get Ready For
Some Mexican Food.

Yeah!!

(Humming Fandango Music)

(Gasp Of Pain)

Push, Push.

It's All Right, Cliff.

It's Okay.

It's Just A Little
Leg Cramp.

It's Okay Now.

I Didn't Know
What That Was.

(Scream Of Pain)

What's Going On?

What's The Matter, Dear?

Let Me Straighten It Out.

I've Got
To Straighten It Out.

That Should
Feel Better.

Don't Touch It.

I'm Fine.

I Haven't
Done A Thing.

I'm Fine.

I'm Okay.

Just Lay There.

I'm Fine.

You're Okay.

Let Me Rub It...

No, No, Don't Touch It.

You've Never
Had This Before.

It's All Right.

You All Right?

Where You Going?

Bathroom.

See.

I Just Have To Walk On It.

You're All Right.

You All Right?

Please Don't
Touch It.

Let's Get Up.

I Think I'm Going To Sleep
Right Here.

You Just Throw
Some Covers On Me.

I'll Be Fine.

We'll Do That.

Just Throw Some Covers
Over You.

This Will Be Fun.

Just Like Camping Out.

Just Don't Touch Me.

I Won't.

Just Like
We're Camping Out.

Come On, Clair,
Come On.

One More Lap
Around The Counter.

Go For The Gold, Girl.

Push It.

All Right,
Take A Break.

It's Lunch Time.

Food!

We Have These Beautiful
Salads I Prepared.

Clair, You're Doing
So Beautifully.

By Tomorrow, You'll Be Able
To Jog That Last Mile.

Before You Know It

That Weight's Going
To Come Flying Off.

I Have A Special Treat
For Both Of Us Today.

Croutons.

Croutons.

Yes, Croutons.

Some For You
And The Rest For Me.

Bon Appetit.

Don't Touch
That Salad.

What's The Matter?

I Have Five Croutons
And You Have Seven.

Dear, I'm Not The One That
Has To Lose Three More Pounds.

I Want My Crouton.

I'm Serious.

All Right,
All Right.

I'll Take Two
Out Of My Salad.

I'll Throw Them Away.

Then We'll
Both Be Even.

You're Not Throwing Away
My Croutons.

What Are You Doing?

Look What You Did.

Now Neither One Of Us
Gets To Eat Them.

Want To Bet?

What Are You Doing Up?

It's : In The Morning.

You're Supposed To Be
At The Hospital

Delivering Twins.

I Delivered Them Already.

Go Back And Get Some More.

You're Thinking
I Came Down Here

To Eat All This.

Well, You're Wrong.

Really?

I Didn't Want It To Spoil,
So I'm Cooking It.

(Humming
Fandango Music)

Shut Up!

I Had One Bite,
That's All.

How Do You Know
It's Not For You?

Because...

Shut Up!

You Don't Have
To Worry About Me.

It's You
I Worry About.

Don't You Be Down Here
Eating Up This Food.

There.

I've Cooked It Up,
I've Turned It Off

And I've Put It Back.

I'm Going To Bed Hungry.

I Do Hope
You're Satisfied.

Shut Up!

♪ Dum, Da-Da-Dum, Da-Da-Dum ♪

Clair.

Yes?

We'll Be Late For The Benefit.

No, We're Not,
Because I'm Not Going.

What Do You Mean
You're Not Going?

I Have Nothing
To Wear.

I Understand
What This Is All About.

You Gained Some Weight.

Don't Ask Me How I Found Out.

I Know You Can't Fit Into
That Dress Barbara Made.

It's Not The End Of The World.

What Do You Know
About Anything?

I Know
You Have

Many Dresses In That Closet
That You Can Get Into.

You Look Beautiful
In All Of Them.

Put On The Pink Chiffon
Strapless Thing.

No.

What About The Green Thing
With The Little Bow In Back?

You See?

I Don't Even Have
A Dress Like That.

That's Your Mother's Dress.

Go Get It From Her!

Cliff,
I'm Not Going.

Look, You Are Going!

I'm Sick Of This.

Just Because
You're A Grandmother

And You're Uptight About
Fitting Into Some Dress...

I'm Telling You I'm Tired.

You're Going To Put On Something
Or I'm Tearing This Door Down.

Are You Ordering Me
To Do Something?

If You See This Door Fall Down,
You'll Know.

All Right,
Let's Not Get Vicious.

Come On.

Why, Don't You...

Look At You.

Look Carefully, Dear.

Notice I'm Not Wearing
Artificial Supports

And I Can Breathe.

You're Kidding?

And I Can Move.

And I Can Do Any Dance
You Fling At Me.

I Want To Kiss You.

You'll Mess Up
My Makeup.

I'll Just Do It
With My Lips.

No, You're Not.

You'll Need Me.

You Might
Cramp Up Tonight.

"Oh, Cliff, Cliff!"