05x06 & 05x07 - The Birth

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Theo, What's
Taking You So Long?

I Can't Follow Some
Of My Philosophy Notes.

Let Me See.

Theo, No Wonder You Can't
Follow Your Notes.

Your Handwriting Looks
Like Chicken Scratches.

Maybe To You,
But I Can Understand It.

What Does That Say?

Plate Of Meat.

Soccer Tuesday.

Is That Plato Meets Socrates?

Oh, I Guess It Is.

Why Did I Write Down Spumoni?

That's Probably Spinoza.

He's The Philosopher
We Studied Yesterday.

Oh, Right, Spinoza.

He's The Guy Who Said,
"Truth Can Only Be Proven

By A Series Of
Interrelated Propositions."

Very Good.

It's Not That You Don't
Understand This Stuff.

It's You Take Lousy Notes.

Look At Mine.

I Have Everything
Written In Columns.

Philosopher, Dates,
Books Written And Theories.

Sounds Like You're Pretty
Proud Of Yourself, Huh?

A Guy Like You
Needs Someone Like Me

To Help Him Reach
His Full Potential.

You Know,
I Think You're Right.

Ahem!

Umm...

Hey, Dad,
How You Doing?

We Were Just Getting
Ready For Our Study Group.

What, Linguistics?

Is It Okay If I Go
And Get A Snack?

Sure, Go Ahead.

Would You Bring
Some Ice Water Back For My Son?

I Meant To Put
A Stop Light There

So I Wouldn't Walk In
On Anything.

It's Not What You Think.

We're Having A Serious
Discussion Group Over.

In Fact, Howard's Coming.

Howard?

Howard Must Be
From Another Planet.

The Professors Don't Know
What To Do With Him.

He's Pulling Hard A-Pluses
In Every Subject.

I Love Howard.

Check Out How Howard Studies.

When He's Reading A Book

And There's A Footnote
That Mentions Another Book

Howard Reads The Other Book.

Ooh, Howard.

He Writes A Three-Page Summary
On That Book For Himself.

He Even Puts Footnotes On That.

The Man Is A Legend.

He Almost Has An Odor.

Whoo!

( Doorbell )

The Legend Arrives.

Hey, Howard.

Yo, Theo.

Have Any Problem
Getting Here?

I Got Lost.

But Some Of Our
Greatest Discoveries

Emerge From A State
Of Being Lost.

Theo:
Is Being Found A State

That Can Only Be Entered
By Those Who Are Lost?

Oh, Existential,
My Brother.

Not To Mention
Pragmatic.

I Want You To Meet
My Dad, Dr. Huxtable.

This Is Howard.

Nice To Meet You.

Yes, Sir,
My Pleasure.

Are You A Doctor
Of Medicine Or Philosophy?

Officially, Medicine.

But I'm Always Searching
For Truth And What Is Real.

Because The Real Is Rational
And What Is Rational Is Real.

George Wilhelm
Friedrich Hagel.

Ooh, The Boy Is Mean.

How Did You Know That, Dad?

I Think, Therefore I Am.

Descartes, Ontologist.

Deal With It.

Hi, Howard.

Hi, Justine.

I Thought You
Were Bring Julia.

You Said We'd
Finally Meet Her.

You Will.

I Asked Her To Be On Time.

A Stitch In Time Saves Nine.

Actually That Saying Is Derived
From The Roman Poet Ovid

Who Wrote,
"Venienti Occurrite Morbo."

Ooh...

Speak The Latin.

Speak The Latin, My Friend.

I Have To Go Downstairs

But I Will Be
Right Back

Which Is A Dimension Of Time,
As Opposed To Right Now.

( Doorbell )

I'll Get It.

Is This The Huxtable Residence?

Huxtable Residence?

Uh, Yeah... Huxtable Residence.

Hi, Julia.

Howard, I'm Sorry I'm Late.

Hey, No Problem.

I'm Very Glad
You Made It.

To Discuss Philosophy

Which Is Why We're
All Here, Right?

Let's Get Started.

We Can Go Upstairs
And Start Discussing Philosophy.

That Is Why
We're All Here.

Oh, Julia,
Have You Met Justine?

Hey, Hey, Where You Going?

We're Going To My Room
To Discuss Philosophy.

Well, Make Sure
Everybody's Vertical.

Hey, Dad.

Whoo, Look Out,
Big Train.

How Long Are You Going
To Carry This Around?

Give It Up,
Give It Up, I Said.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, What's
Happening?

Honey, Sit Down.

No, No.

Elvin, If I Sit Down There,
I'm Never Going To Get Up.

Do The Thing, Man.

There You Go.

All Right.

You See, Elvin

A Woman In That Situation--

They Sit On A Sofa Like This,
They Can't Get Out Of It.

Everybody's Left,
And They're Still Sitting There.

She's Going To Deliver
Any Second Now.

Elvin, I Am Not.

You Had A Contraction
In The Car.

It Was A Pre-Labor Contraction.

I've Had These
For The Last Two Days.

Elvin Has Rushed Me
To The Hospital Three Times.

I'm Timing It, Dad.

Since The Last One, It's Been
Eight Minutes And Seconds.

If The Next One
Comes In Below Minutes

Then You've Got
Something To Work With.

Eight Minutes, ... .

Is Mom Here?

In The Kitchen.

There You Go.

You Okay, Honey?

Yes, I'm Fine.

You All Right?

Put Your Arms Out.

Don't Open The Door
With It.

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Going
To Be Pregnant Forever.

Your First Child Always
Makes You Suffer The Most.

Hey, I Was Your Firstborn.

I Know.

All Right.

Hi, Mom.

I'm Sorry
I Left You Alone.

It Was Only
For Seconds.

Are You Okay?

Yes, I'm Fine.

Any Pains?

Yes, You.

Good, Good.

Ohh.

I Need To Lie Down.

Don't Let Her Lie Down!

Mom, Please.

Don't Let Her.

I Need To Lie Down.

Honey, Stay Up.

Do Your Job, Boy.

All Right, Hold Her.

I Think This...
What Time?

Minutes,
Seconds.

A Contraction?

It's Time!

The Car...

I'm A Father!

Elvin, Honey, Please!

One Step At A Time.

I Will Call Dr. Taylor
And Get Everything All Set Up.

Clair:
Yes, I Agree.

Now Remember,
You Promised Us

No Special Treatment
At The Hospital.

I'll Have Them Set Up A Tent
In The Parking Lot.

Uhh... I'll Get The Car!

Do You Have Your Bags Packed?

It's In The Trunk.

Elvin Packed It The Day
He Found Out I Was Pregnant.

Are You All Right?

Oh, Baby.

Oh, My Baby!

Come On!

( Car Pulling Away )

Wait A Minute...

Elvin!

Elvin!

Elvin, You Forgot Your Wife!

Mrs. Tibideaux, You'll Come
With Me To The Room.
@Uú @.U@&Amp;Bb U@B@L @@@@"@Júb@(@&Amp;@@ U

Mr. Tibideaux, You Can Fill Out
The Forms With The Nurse.

Mr. Tibideaux?

Mr. Tibideaux,
Will You Please Let Go?

Honey, It's Okay.

Yeah?

Okay.

Bye-Bye, Honey.

Bye.

Thank You.

Don't Start
Without Me.

Right.

Uh-Huh.

Hmm, I Know.

Okay, Bye.

Fill Out The Forms.

I Need To Fill Out
Some Forms.

I Have To Fill Out
Some Forms, Too.

I'm Sorry, Pal,
I'm Going First.

My Wife's Having A Baby.

My Wife's Having
A Baby, Too.

My Wife.

She's Still In The Car.

Can You Believe Some People?

Let Me Help You
Answer The Questions.

Name?

Tibideaux, Sondra.

Your First Name Is Sondra?

That's My Wife's Name.

What's Your Name?

Tibideaux, Elvin.

T-I-B-I-D-E-A-U-X.

Insurance?

Yes.

What's The Name

Of Your Insurance?

Ah... Medical.

What's The Name Of The Company
That Issues Your Insurance?

It's In My Wallet.

I Don't Have My Wallet.

Is It Blue Cross,
North West, Continental?

Yes.

Continental.

No.

Wait A Minute,
I Can't Remember.

It's The One With The Buffalo
On The Commercial.

Buffalo?

Yes.

No.

It's A... Moose.

Or... An Elk.

It Has Four Legs;
It's Dependable.

What's More Dependable--

A Moose
Or An Elk?

( Clock Ticking )

( Tapping Fingers
In Time With Clock )

( Tap, Tap, Tap )

Well, It's Working.

I'll Tell You.

This Is The First Time
I've Been On This Side

In A Long, Long Time.

We Just Have
To Sit Here And Wait.

And Wait.

Sondra And Elvin Don't
Want Us At The Hospital.

That's All Right.
I Can Understand That.

I Know How We Felt.

Remember?

Long Time Ago.

That's It.

Let's Hit It.

I Can't Breathe.

I Think My Heart
Has Stopped.

Try To Relax
And Breathe Slowly.

Elvin's Hyperventilating.

Mom, Dad,
I'm Glad You're Here.

I'm Sorry You Have
To See Me Like This.

Elvin, You'll Be Fine.

Do What The Nurse Says.

Why Did This Have To Happen?

I Wanted To Be Strong
For Sondra.

It's Okay, Elvin.

This Happens To
A Lot Of Fathers

Although I've Never Seen
A Case This Severe.

Dad, I Hope You're Not
Disappointed In Me.

Just Breathe In The Bag, Son.

Yes, Sir.

Thank You, Sir.

Dad, Elvin Will Be Fine, Really.

How Are You?

Good.

I'm A Little Nervous.

You Have Every
Right To Be.

But Your Doctor's Here,
And You're Ready For This.

You Know What I Said
About Not Wanting You Here?

Yes.

I'm Glad You
Didn't Listen.

Hey, Folks,
I Think I'm Okay Now.

Look, I'm Breathing.

Oh, God.

I've Never Breathed This Well
In All My Life.

It Feels Great To Be Alive.

Oooh!

Contraction!

Miss Mckechnie

Will You Please Call
For The Anesthesiologist?

I Think We're
Ready For Delivery.

Please Do Whatever
Dr. Taylor Says.

I'm Sorry.

Thank You.

Miss Mckechnie

Please Do Everything
The Good Doctor Said.

May I Say Something?

The Father Is A Wreck

And The Grandfather
Is A Nuisance.

I Think People Should
Go Into The Hall

So You Can Do Your Work.

Elvin, Cliff,
Get Out.

But We're
Having A Baby.

Elvin, Get Out.

Go Collect Yourself
So You Can Come Back.

Breathe In The Bag, Boy.

Okay, Howard,
Let Me Pose This Question.

If One Person
Breaks A Promise

Is It Okay For Everyone
To Break A Promise?

According To Kant's
Categorical Imperative

It Doesn't Matter What
The Circumstances Are.

A Moral Action Must
Hold True Universally.

That's Exactly What I Had
In My Notes.

Really?

Why Don't You Read To Us
What You Had In Your Notes?

Read To You?

( Doorbell )

I'll Get It.

I Tried To Read
Theo's Notes.

Forget About It.

Hey, Kenny.

Is Rudy Here?

She's At The Bronx Zoo
With Carolyn's Family.

Can I Wait?

Sure, Why Not?

Kara And Vanessa
Are Upstairs.

Hang Out With Them.

I'll Hang Out With You.

I Have Some Friends Over,
And We're Studying Philosophy.

I'll Sit There And Listen.

I'm Trained
To Be Seen And Not Heard.

All Right.

Come On.

What's The Gift?

A Christmas Present
For Rudy.

I Do My Shopping Early.

Theo, Do You Have
Any More Note Pads?

I'll Bring One
In With Me.

Thanks.

Who's That?

Julia.

Now That's A Woman.

This Is Kenny.

He's Going To
Hang Out With Us.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Rudy's Friend,
But We're Not Serious.

What Did I Miss?

We Were Discussing

The Tendencies
For All Civilizations

To Oppress Other Civilizations.

You Mean
"Man's Inhumanity To Man?"

Or Woman.

Why Do People
Always Say "Man?"

Why Can't It Be
People's Inhumanity To People?

It's A Given That Saying
"Man" Includes Woman.

Society Is Geared To Think
Of Men First And Then Women.

And All These Philosophers That
We're Talking About Are Men.

Until Recent History

All The Great Thinkers
Were Men.

That's Because Women
Weren't Seen As Equals.

I'm Sure There Were Women
Who Were Even More Brilliant

Than Those Men.

All We Have To Go By
Are These Brilliant Essays

Written By Men.

They Probably Had
Their Girlfriends Type Them.

We're Turning
This Whole Thing

Into A Man Versus Woman
Discussion.

Of Course We Are.

Sexism Has Been
Around Forever.

I Agree.

Take This
Little Boy Here.

He Probably Already Has Some
Preconceived Ideas About Women.

Kenny, You've
Heard Us Talking.

What's Your Opinion?

I'd Never Let A Woman
Type A Paper.

She Should Be Cooking My Dinner.

Scoop.

Make Sure The Legs
Are Over Here.

Keep The Head From
Falling All Over.

There's No Way I'll Learn This.

You're Being
Too Hard On Yourself.

Dad, All The Evidence Is There.

I Almost Fainted
In The Labor Room.

I Almost Fainted When
She Had A Contraction.

What Was Most Embarrassing...

On The Way Here In The Car

I Had To Pull Over
And Let Her Drive.

You Just Need Time.

That's Easy For You To Say
After Five Times.

You're The World's
Most Perfect Father.

Elvin, I Wouldn't Say That.

Not Perfect...
I Hear What Your Kids Say.

But Still...

You Hear My Kids Say What?

It's Little Things,
Nothing Big.

Little Things What?

Like You're Kind Of Stubborn
And Never Admit Your Mistakes.

You're Tight With Money.

You Always...

That's Enough.

But, Dad,
They Really Love You.

That's What I'm Saying.

Your Children
Will Love You, Too.

What If I Make Some
Horrible Mistake Raising It?

It's This Little
Defenseless Person.

What If I Do Something
That Makes It Sick?

Elvin, Don't Worry About It.

You Just Have To Realize That
This Is A Human Being.

Go With The Flow.

Elvin, The Doctor Says
It's Going To Be Soon.

Soon?

Yes, Soon.

Get In There.

Let's Hit It, My Man.

I Can't Believe It,
But I'm Ready.

We're Not Hitting It?

They're Going To Hit It.

But I'm A Doctor.

You Don't Understand.

They Can Do This By Themselves.

They Don't Want Dad In The Room?

Darlin', We'll Have To Sit Here
Like Everybody Else.

Scoop.

Do You Remember That?

Let Me See It Again.

Grab The Legs.

Wah, Wah.

And Scoop.

We'll Have To Do That,
I'll Bet You.

Yes, Indeed.

We'll Have
To Reach Down.

It Will Be
Our Grandchild.

It Will Be A Boy.

You're Sure?

Named After Me.

It Might Be A Girl
Named After Me.

Still Named After Me.

Heathcliff Female.

Reach Right On Down.

This Is Your Granddad.

Scoop.

Hello.

You're Going
To Hillman.

Put A Big H
On Your Forehead.