04x13 - The Show Must Go On

[bunniefuu]

Rudy, Come On.

Everybody!

We Got Minutes
To Get Down To The Show.

We're Going
To Be Late.

That's It. Here We Go.

We Can't Leave Yet.

Peter And His Brother
Aren't Here Yet.

We Can Wait A Minute
For Them, Okay?

Will We Like The Show?

Of Course You'll Like It.

And They Have Clowns,
Comics...

Do They Have A Blues Band?

I Dig
The Blues.

I Don't Think So.

(Doorbell)

There They Are.

Hah, All Right, On Time.

How Are You,
Mr. Chiara?

Hi.

And My Friend.

How Are You, Peter?

And Look At
Your Brother Paul.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Good To See You.

What's New?

Everything's All Right.

What's With You?

Same Old Thing.

Life Goes On.

You Know How It Is.

Yes, I Certainly Do.

I'll Bring Them Home
In Time For Dinner.

Thanks.

Okay, You Guys

Line Up According To Size.

Line Up According To Size.

All Right

We're Going To See
"A Salute To Vaudeville."

Everybody Understand The Rules?

Yes.

This Is My Team.

You're All Going
To Be Well Behaved.

We Will Be Well Behaved.

You Will Keep Your Hands
To Yourselves.

We'll Keep Our Hands
To Ourselves.

No Taking Anybody's
Scarf Or Hat

Rolling Down The Window,
Putting Your Arm Out

And Using It As A Flag.

No Taking Anybody's
Hat Or Scarf

And Rolling Down The Window
And Waving A Flag.

No Putting Your Finger
In Your Nose.

No Putting Your Finger
In Your Nose.

And Pulling Out Something.

And Pulling Out Something.

Or Flicking It.

Or Flicking It.

And Hitting Me In The Head.

And Hitting You In The Head.

What Do You Say?

I Don't Know.

Let The Show Begin.

Let The Show Begin.

Forward!

Hup, Toop, Tipop,
Tilip Top Hipop

Tilip Top Hipop...

Just A Little Toward
The Light, Please.

I Am Really Happy

That You're Helping Me

With My Election Campaign.

Hi.

Hi, Robert.

What Are You
Doing Here?

I Wanted To See Your Father,
But He Had To Leave

So I'm
Waiting.

Excuse Me.

I Don't Believe We've Met.

At Least,
Not In This Lifetime.

My Name Is Morgan.

Morgan's A Pretty Name.

It Fits You.

Thanks.

You Have An Aura About You--

A Glow.

I Must Admit I'm Drawn To It.

Why Don't We Go To The Store

And Pick Up Some More Supplies
For The Campaign?

Let Me Come Along.

No, You Stay Here.

Yeah, Robert,
You Better Stay Here.

Think Of Some More Campaign
Slogans For My Election.

Okay, I'll Think Of Slogans
That Make People Aware

Of The Cosmic
Essence.

Mrs. Huxtable, Fate
Works In Strange Ways.

I Realize Why I Was
Brought Over Here Today.

To Meet And Marry Morgan.

I Feel Our Destinies
Are Undeniably Intertwined.

Robert.

Would You Mind
If I Took A Nap?

You Don't Have To Entertain Me.

I Feel At Home Here--
Like I've Been Here Forever.

I Feel The Same Way, Robert.

Are You Sure
This Is The Right Place?

Well, This Is The Address
In The Paper.

You Promised Us
A Fancy Theater

With Chandeliers
And Velvet Seats.

This Place Is
Nothing Like That.

Yeah, This Is A Dump.

Oh, Hi.

I'm Pamela.

You Can Sit Down
Wherever You Like.

Rudy:
Front Row!

Where's The Popcorn?

We Don't Have Popcorn.

What Is There?

Just Coffee.

Do You Have
Coffee Ice Cream?

No, Just
Coffee.

I'm Glad Someone Showed Up.

We Haven't Had This Many
People In Weeks.

You Mean We're The Only Ones
Who Will Be Here?

Looks That Way.

We Can Start The Show
Immediately.

Okay, Just One Second.

Um...

Okay, They're Going
To Start The Show Now.

Does Anyone Here
Have To Go To The Bathroom?

Is There Anyone Here Who
Wants A Drink Of Water?

Can I Have A Milkshake?

No, Dear, They Just Have Coffee.

I'll Have
A Cup Of Coffee.

Nobody's Going To Have
Any Coffee.

All Right, Now Have We
Got That Straight?

Straight?

Straight.

All Right.

Thank You.

Okay.

Jeff, We're Ready.

(Drum Roll)

Good Afternoon,
Ladies And Gentlemen.

Welcome To The Performance.

(Cymbals Crashing)

Good Afternoon,
Ladies And Gentlemen.

We're Boys And Girls.

Well, Welcome To
"A Salute To Vaudeville."

It's A Thrilling, Scintillating
Afternoon Of Entertainment

Guaranteed To Keep You
Glued To Your Seats.

I Have To Go
To The Bathroom.

Me, Too.

Didn't I Ask If Anybody
Had To Go To The Bathroom?

Yes.

I Didn't Have To Go Then.

Me, Neither.

I'm Sorry.

Oh, It's No Problem.

Where Is It?

It Is...

Okay, Come On, Let's Go.

(Drum Roll)

I'm Sorry.

There Shouldn't Be
Any More Interruptions.

Thank You.

And Now, Pamela, The Lights.

Uh, Ladies
And Gentlemen

And Boys And Girls

And Daddies
And Mommies Who Are Home

I'd Like To Introduce
Our First Performer.

He Is The Great Ballantine.

(♪ Vaudeville Fanfare ♪)

Take Your Time.

Always A Few Slow Readers.

Name Dropper.

What Do You Say
We Get On With The Show?

Best Crowd We've Had In Years.

Pamela, The Garbage.

All w*r Surplus,
Every Piece Of It.

Thank You, Dear.

No Trick, Just Keeping The Dust
Off The Basket.

Here We Go.

Up!

Not Bad For The First, Huh?

Only The Beginning.

(Cliff
Laughing)

Don't Laugh.

You May Have Bags
In Your Pants.

This Is My Best Trick.

From An Empty Paper Bag
I Produce A -Pound Pigeon.

That's The Small One.

Here We Go.

That's All.

At The Count Of Three,
The Pigeon.

One, Two...

You Know.

Come Out Flying.

They're Waiting.

Let's Go.

Up.

Fly, Boy, Fly.

Here's The One
You've All Been Waiting For.

Not That One.

The Rabbit From The Top Hat.

All Magicians Do It.

Why Shouldn't I?

A Few Passes
With The Old Duster-Oo.

Inside The Hat...

Where's The Duster?

Inside The Hat...

If You're Going
To Watch That Close

The Trick Is Off.

Here's The Big One.

I'll Make The Whole Audience
Disappear.

I Don't Kid Around.

Way To Go,
Kimosabe.

And Now,
Tense Moment In The Act.

Not For You. Me.

I Pluck , Cards
One At A Time

With My Fingertips.

, .

I've Got To See That Myself.

(♪ Vaudeville Fanfare ♪)

Wake 'Em Up.

(Crash!)

Wasn't That Funny, Huh?

It Was?

It Was Hilarious, Honey.

It Might Be Funny
If We Were Old.

Can We Get Ice Cream
On The Way Home?

Sure We Can.

Can We Go Home Now?

No, Give It A Chance.

The Great Ballantine.

Wasn't He Something?

Yes, He Was.

Before I Introduce This Next Act

Which I'm Sure You'll Enjoy

Does Anybody Have To
Go To The Bathroom?

I Do.

But You Just Went.

That Time I Only
Washed My Hands.

I'm Sorry.

Pamela,
The Lights.

Does Anybody Else
Have To Go?

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!

Hi.

Hi, Robert.

The Girls Went
For Another Walk.

They've Taken Three Walks
In The Last Hour.

Yeah.

This Is Causing Problems

In My Relationship With Morgan.

You Have
A "Relationship" With Morgan?

Oh, Definitely.

That Woman Will Be My Wife.

Does She Know This, Robert?

She Has A Sense Of It.

Before They Left,
I Told Her:

"We Are Like Two st*lks Of Corn

"Planted In The Field
Of Spiritual Oneness

Waiting For The Harvest
Of Love."

I'm Going For A Walk.

What's So Funny?

Two st*lks Of What

Waiting Where For Which?

Robert, You're One Of A Kind.

I Know.

I Guess I'm Just
On A Higher Plane.

You Got That Right.

Think That's Why Some Girls
Don't Like Me?

That's Not For Me To Say.

No, Please.

I'd Like Your Opinion.

What Am I Doing Wrong?

When You Meet A Girl,
You Want To Marry Her

And You Know
Nothing About Her.

That's Not True.

What's Morgan's Last Name?

Um...

I Don't Know.

But It Doesn't Matter

Because I Want Her
To Have My Last Name.

Robert, Don't Rush Things
With Morgan.

Just Let Everything
Evolve Naturally.

Life Is Funny.

I Thought My Purpose
In Coming Here

Was To Meet And Marry Morgan.

Now I Realize
My True Reason--

To Partake Of The Wisdom
Of Mrs. Clair Huxtable.

Last Name, Robert.

Get The Girl's Last Name.

All Right.

I'm Sorry.

Her Comb Went Further
Down The Drain Than I Thought.

All Right.

There We Go.

Easy, Fella.

Shall We Begin The Show Again?

Yes, Sir.

Uh, Pamela.

The Lights.
The Lights.

Well, Ladies And Gentlemen,
Our Next Performer

Has Been Seen In All
The Top Eastern Comedy Clubs.

Give A Rousing
Vaudeville Welcome

To The Wall Street Comic,
Andy Witherspoon Iii.

(Rim Shot)

Thank You.

Thank You.

As You Can Tell

I'm A Business School Graduate.

Are There Any Other Business
School Graduates Here Today?

Uh, You, Sir?

I'm A Doctor.

Well, It Doesn't Matter.

Anyway, At My Business School,
The Dorm Rules Were Very Strict.

No Corporate Raiding
After Midnight.

Uh... Moving Right Along...

After Business School

I Got A Job With
A Major Investment Firm.

They Started Me At The Bottom.

I Cleaned Up After
The Bull Every Morning.

Which Wasn't Too Bad

Because He Only Left Blue Chips.

Uh...

Would It Help If I Said

I Knew The "Smurfs" Personally?

I Guess Not.

I Read Recently
Where A University

Was Using Stockbrokers And
Rats For Medical Experiments

But They Had To Stop Because
People Felt Sorry For The Rats.

Kids, Kids, Kids...

My Nephew Told Me Some Jokes
I'm Sure You've Never Heard.

What Did The Pen
Say To The Paper?

I Dot My "Is" On You.

(Rim Shot)

Well, I Bet You
Don't Know This One.

What Did The Rug
Say To The Floor?

Hands Up, I Got You Covered.

Good Night.

You've Been
A Wonderful Audience.

Eddie!!

That Was Andy Witherspoon Iii.

Come On Out Here, Andy,
For Another Bow.

Forget It!

Ladies And Gentlemen

I Think I See What May Be
Called For Here.

We Will Need Just A Few Moments
While The Next Act Gets Ready.

So If Anybody Has To Go
To The Bathroom

This Would Be A Good Time.

Dr. Huxtable,
He's Gone.

Let's Sneak Out.

No, We Can't Sneak Out.

It Would Be Impolite.

Hope It Gets Better.

Cliff:
Hi.

Hi. Are You Guys
Enjoying The Show?

Uh...

Yes, Uh...

We're Having A Little
Trouble Over Here

And I Was Just Wondering
About The Next Act.

Who Is It?

Eddie, The M.C.

What Does He Do?

That's Hard
To Describe.

He Does This
Combination

Physical, Musical
Comedy Dance Thing

With Contemporary,
Traditional Clown Themes.

Ah, A Clown!

Yeah.

Aha!

Now Comes The Clown!

♪ Ta Da! ♪

In A Clown Suit?

He Doesn't Do That Anymore.

What About
A Red Nose?

Sorry, He Sold His Nose.

What Kind Of Clown
Doesn't Have A Red Nose?

It Doesn't Matter
If He Doesn't Have A Red Nose.

He's Going To Be Funny.

You Say That Every Day,
And Nothing's Been Funny!

Eddie:
And Now, Without Further Ado,
The Dancer Extraordinaire

Eddie Bartholomew
And His Trunk.

(Drum Roll)

Huh?

Was It?

(Drum Roll)

All Right.

(Drum Roll)

(Vacuum Cleaner Whirring)

(♪ Swing Music ♪)

It's A Blues Band.

I'll Get It.

(♪ Swing Music ♪)

Yea!

Bravo!

Yea!

All Right, You All
Know Your Cues.

We'll Show Dr. Huxtable
What Vaudeville's All About.

This Will
Be Good.

Oh!

Phew!

Sorry.

All Right, g*ng.

Come On, That's It.

We've All Had
A Wonderful Time.

Dr. Huxtable,
The Show Isn't Over Yet.

In The Great
Vaudevillian Tradition

We Have An Encore.

(Drum Roll)

(Drum Roll)

(Drum Cadence)

(Drum Cadence)

(Cymbal Bang)

(♪ Swing Music ♪)

In You Go.

Yeah... In.

Ready?

Okay.

Bravo!

Bravo!

What A Great,Great Ending!

And Now...

Lock 'Em In.

I'm Going For Some Ice Cream!

No-O-O!