03x23 - Bald and Beautiful

[bunniefuu]

Tv Announcer:
Once The Chest Wall Is Opened,
The Heart Is In Full View.

The Aorta And Atrium
Are Connected

To The Heart-Lung Machine
With Tubes.

After The Heart
Has Been Stopped

It Is Packed In Ice...

Do You Have To Watch This?

The Surgeon Finds
The Coronary Arteries

Which Need To Be Bypassed
With New Blood Vessels.

Cliff...

I'm A Doctor, Dear.

Can You Watch This
Another Time?

I Have Something
To Tell You.

What?

Here's A Hint.

Go Ahead.

It's Your Oldest Friend

From The Navy

And You Are His
Daughter's Godfather.

Scott Kelly!

Give Me The Phone Number.

He's On His Way Here.

He's Coming Here?!

He And Jill Are Coming Here

For A
Few Days.

Scottster And Jillster.

They Want To Take Us To Dinner
To The Golden Palm.

Mucho Dinero.

Ooh!

I'm Looking Forward
To Seeing My Man.

Now Look...

Jill And I Are Not Going To Be
Embarrassed This Evening.

But, Dear...

When You Two Get Together,
You Act So Silly.

Naboo, Naboo.

When We Get Together,
We Are Just Clever And Witty.

No.

You're A Couple
Of Goofballs.

You Married Us.

The Heart Is Then Restarted

And Taken Off
The Heart-Lung Machine.

( Doorbell )

Hi, Walter.

Dr. Huxtable.

Is Theo In?

He's Upstairs
Studying.

Ho!

Where Are You Going?

I Wouldn't Interrupt Him,
But This Can't Wait.

It Can't?
What Is It?

A Career Opportunity

That Will Make Me And Theo
Rich And Famous.

Is This Career Opportunity
Legal?

Yes.

Will This Career Opportunity

Cause Any Trauma
To Anyone's Face Or Lips?

No.

Then Go Ahead, My Boy,
And Find Him.

Thanks.

Theo, Close Your Book.

I Have Seen The Future,
And We Are Famous.

What?

How Would You Like To Be In

"The Mannequins'"
Next Rock Video?

"The Mannequins" Are
My Favorite Group!

Then You'll Love This.

I Was In The Brill Building--

Where The Music People
Have Their Offices.

Yeah?

I Met This Assistant

To Bertha Barrington.

She's The Hottest
Casting Director

In The Video Business.

She Is?

The Assistant Said

They Want High School Guys
For Their Video--

No Experience Or Talent Needed.

That's Us.

There Are Two
Requirements.

One:
You Have To Be Good-Looking.

Well, Hey, That's Us, Too.

And Two:
You Got To Shave Your Head.

You Mean Bald?

I Mean Bald.

No Hair At All.

Cockroach, I'm Not Sure
I Want To Do That.

I Like My Hair.

The Job Pays $ .

A Hundred Dollars?

Not To Mention

All The Gorgeous Women
That Will Be On The Set.

It Would Be Fun
To Be In A Video.

Our Hair Would Grow Back.

We Might Look So Good,
The Girls Might Not Let Us.

So Do We Do It?

Maybe I Should Talk
To My Parents About This.

Aren't Parents
Always Saying:

"Get A Job,
Get A Haircut"?

We'll Be
Doing Both.

Okay. I'll Do It
If You Do It.

Meet Me Tonight At :
At The Tornado Club.

I'll Be There...

With No Hair!

Now I Have To
Finish Studying.

You're Studying
On Saturday?

Lana's Coming Over Soon
To Do Homework.

I Study The Material

So I Can Impress Her
With How Much I Know.

I Never Thought Of Doing That.

And It Helps Get Good Grades.

I'd Settle For
Impressing A Woman.

See You
Later.
All Right.

Hi.

Hi.

Any Calls For Me?

Yes.

Who?

Some Boy.

What Boy?

I Forgot.

Didn't You Write It Down?

No.

Why Not?

I Was Going To Remember.

Rudy, How Could
You Do This?

My Calls Are Important.

I'm Sorry.

Can You Remember
What The Boy Wanted?

He Asked You To Some Dance.

The Eighth-Grade Dance?

Yeah, That's It.

See, I Remember.

What Else?

Uh...

Okay, Let's Take This
Nice And Slow.

You Answered And Said,
"Huxtable Residence."

He Said, "Is Vanessa There?"

You Said,
"No. May I Take A Message?"

Yes.

He Said, "I'd Like To Ask
Vanessa To The Dance.

My Name Is..."

I Have No Idea.

The Eighth-Grade Dance

Is The Most Important
Dance Of The Year.

You've Got To Remember
The Boy's Name.

Was It John?

Teddy? Eddie?

Lyle? Bob?

That's It-- Bob!

Great. I Know A Bob.

Wait A Minute.

It Sounded Like Bob.

Rob?

Yeah, That's It-- Rob.

Great. I Like Rob.

Or Was It Todd?

I Know Three Todds.

This Is Terrible.

Romance Is Waiting For Me,
And I Don't Know Its Name.

Hi.
Hi.

There Was A Call
For You And Daddy.

Who Was It?

Mr. Scott Kelly.

He And His Wife Are Staying
At The Madison Plaza Hotel.

Oh, Thanks.

They'll Meet You At The
Golden Palm Restaurant At : .

He Said,
"Be There Or Be Square."

That's Very Good, Rudy.

Anytime, Mom.

Your Table
Is Ready, Sir.

It's So Good
To See You.

It's Been
A Long Time.

Cliff:
How's Everything?

Scott:
Let's Get To The
Important Stuff.

How Are
The Children?

Well, Everybody's Getting
Straight A's.

That's Very Good.

Ours Get All A-Plusses.

How Old
Is Rudy, Dear?

Seven.

She's Been Accepted
To Med School.

By The Time She's ,
She'll Be A Physician

Unless She Wants To Specialize.

You Must Be Very Proud Of Her.

I Am.

I'm Very Proud Of Tammy.

She Just Won The Nobel Prize

For Her Doctoral
Dissertation

On How She Spent
Her Summer Vacation.

Don't They Give That In Sweden?

Yes.

Vanessa Was Just Named

The Ambassador To Sweden.

You Must Have
Tammy Call Sometime.

And Come Over
For A Spot Of Tea.

Name Two Achievements
Of Charlemagne

During His Reign.

He Ordered That All
Nations Under His Domain

Be Committed To Writing

And He Began
A Grammar Of Frankish.

How Did You Know That?

Learning Fascinates Me.

I Have A Real Thirst
For Knowledge.

I'm Glad I Have You
To Study With.

Let's Keep Going.

Lana, Could We
Knock Off Early?

Oh, Sure.

I Need To Ask
You Something.

What?

We Have A Good Relationship.

Would It Change
If I Shaved My Head?

What?

I'll Shave It Once
And Let It Grow Back.

Why Would You Do That?

So I Could Be In
"The Mannequins'" Rock Video.

That English Group
With No Hair?

Yeah.

They're Weird.

Their Videos Are Great,
And I Can Be In One.

You Have Beautiful Hair.

It Was One Of The First Things
I Noticed About You.

Really?

Yeah.

It Will Grow Back.

But You Don't Know

What Your Head
Looks Like.

It Looks Like A Regular Head.

Come Over Here.

You Have
A Dent Here.

I Do?

Yeah, And A Bump
Right Next To It.

I Knew About That.

It Will Look Bigger
Next To The Dent.

Maybe Shaving My Head
Isn't Such A Good Idea.

It's Up To You.

But I Promised Cockroach
We'd Do This Together.

This Video Means A Lot To Us.

You Understand?

Would You Still Date Me?

Of Course.

Probably.

Well, I Guess

I Better Go Up
And Do It Now.

I'm Meeting Cockroach At
The Tornado Club In An Hour.

You Want To Watch Me Shave?

No, I'll Stay
Right Here.

Okay, Well...
This Is It.

Well, Good Luck.

Here I Go.

Okay.

I'm Really Going
To Do It, Lana.

All Right.

Bye.

Good-Bye.

See You.

( Doorbell )

Hi, Cockroach.

Where's Theo?

He's Upstairs
Shaving His Head.

Excuse Me.

Theo! Theo!

Theo?

In Here.

Don't Do It!
Stop!

What?

Don't Shave Your Head.
We're Not In The Video.

What?!

I've Been Calling

But It's Been Busy.

That Was Vanessa.

What's Wrong?

I'm Beat.

I Ran Over Here.

Let's Sit Down.

This Is Terrible.

What Happened?

I Went Down
Early

And I Couldn't Even
Get On The Set.

You're Kidding.

There Were Guys Already.

Every One Had A Shaved Head.

Whoa!

They Took The First
And Sent The Rest Home.

I Told The Assistant,
"You Said I Was In."

He Gave Me $
For Showing Up.

Fifty Bucks? That's Great!

Yeah, But Look At This.

All Right.
Dinner!

Yes, Yes, Yes.

One, Two, Three...

Voila.

This Is It.

Uh... Sir?

There's Been A
Little Mistake.

I Ordered
The Salmon.

I Have You Down
For Trout.

You Have Me Down Wrong.

You Did This, Didn't You?

No, I Didn't.

If You'd Like
To Order Salmon...

I Did
Order Salmon.

I'll Get
Your Salmon.

I'm Proud Of You.

You Stayed Calm.

Yes.
What's Wrong With You?

Nothing. I'm Always Calm.

Really?

Scott Really Has Learned
To Control His Temper.

He Had To.

How Did You Do That?

Easy.
I Had A Heart Attack.

When Did This Happen?

Six Months Ago.

I Saw
The Guys.

They Came To Get Me.

Who?

The Four Horsemen.

Come Over The Hill,
Right To My Door.

Said, "Saddle Up, Buckaroo.
You're Riding With Us."

I Said, "Is Where We're Going
Hot Or Cold?"

They Said, "Dress Light."

I Said, "Come Back
And Get Me Another Time."

So They Gave Me The Zipper
Instead.

Two Weeks In
The Hospital.

You're Kidding.

Quadruple Bypass.

You Should Have Told Me.

I Could Have Done That For You

At Half Price.

( Loud Television Audio
And Stereo Audio )

Okay.

Make Yourself At Home.

I Was Home

Till You Turned The Noise Off.

Vanessa,
Turn That Back On.

Vanessa...

Oh, You're Back.

Son, You Remember
Mr. And Mrs. Kelly?

Yes. Hi.

Theo, You
Got Big.

We Could Hear The Noise
All The Way Out On The Street.

I'm Sorry.

Cockroach And I Are
In The Kitchen Eating Pizza.

I Wanted To Hear The Stereo

And He Wanted
To Hear The Tv.

Did You Understand
What My Son Just Said?

Perfectly.

I Put The
Leftover Pizza...

How Are You, Walter?

Fine.

Good.

Aren't You Going To
Say Something About My Head?

What Is There To Say?

It's Already
Out There.

Walter, These Are
Our Good Friends

Mr. And Mrs. Kelly.

Hello, Walter.

Hello.

Why Did You Do That?

To Get Into
Show Business.

Was This The Career Opportunity
You Were Talking About?

Yes, And It
Didn't Work.

Theo:
Excuse Us.

We're Going Upstairs.

I Promised Cockroach
We'd Go Through My Hats.

Get A Big One.

Jill, Let's Go
Get Some Tea?

That's A Good Idea.

No, Allow Us.

Sit Back Down.

Yes.

We'll Give You
Our Special Brew.

What Is It?

Whatever You Have
In The Little Bags.

With The Strings That
Always Fall In The Cup...

It's Good To See Scotty
Back To His Old Self.

I Hadn't Noticed
Any Change.

When He Came Home
From The Hospital

He Sat On The Couch,
Holding His Cocker Spaniel

And All
He Could Say Was

"Yes, Dear."

"I Know, Dear."

"I'll Try, Dear."

"You're Right,
Dear."

Cliff Does That Already.

Oh, Yes.

The Whole Thing Was Very Scary.

Not That He
Just Could Have Died

But I Was So Unprepared.

Who Is Ever Prepared For That?

I'm Talking About
Something Else.

I Didn't Know Anything.

Scotty Managed
All Our Finances.

I Didn't Know Where He Kept
The Insurance Policies

The Bank Statements

The Deed To The House...

If You Ever Need
Legal Advice, I'm Here.

Thank You.

But I'm Okay.

I've Learned
In A Very Short Time

That I'm A Pretty Good
Financial Manager.

Scott And I
Have An Agreement:

I Promise To Pay The Bills
And Handle The Insurance

And He Promises Never To Have
Another Heart Attack.

That's Good.

So Denise Still Doesn't
Have A Major.

I Said,
"All Right, Dear.

"Just Go
To Your Final Year.

I Hope You Have
A Major By Then."

My Beloved Son, Mark

Just Transferred To The Fourth
College Of His Choice.

I Believe He's Majoring
In Interstate Transportation.

I Used To thr*aten His Life...

On A Regular Basis.

After The Zipper, I Perceived
That Was A Threat To My Own.

Now, I Don't
Care Anymore.

I Just Throw Him Out
On A Regular Basis.

I Don't Want The Zipper.

How Do You Keep From Getting It?

When You Really Get Steamed

Wait Until You Can Hear This...

( Hoofbeats )

( Hoofbeats )

Then You Know My Four Friends
Are Riding Right Beside You

And You Let It All Out.

( Hoofbeats )

And No Zipper.

There Are
Other Things, Too.

You Have To
Exercise.

I Do That.

And Eat The Right Stuff.

Clair's Always On Me
About That.

Jill, Too.

I've Got To Eat
Carrot Sticks And Celery Sticks

And Broccoli Clumps...

You Eat That Stuff?

When She's Around.

Get The Skim Milk
From The Refrigerator.

Yes, Sir.

Hey.

Huh?

There's Pizza In Here.

It's With Pepperoni

And Anchovies

And Extra Cheese

And Everything.

Is Broccoli On It?

No.

Good.

You Know What Would Go
Absolutely Great With This?

Potato Chips.

Clair Lets You
Eat Potato Chips?

"Lets Me Eat Potato Chips"?

sh**t, I'm A Man.

I Eat What I Want.

That Is
Outstanding.

Dump Those Right
On Top Of The Pizza.

There You Go.
That's It.

Now, We Need Something
To Wash This Down.

A Beer.

Certainly.

I'll Get Beer.

But What Would
The Horsemen Say?

I Can't Hear Them.

I'm Just Not Listening
Right Now.

But I'm Not Eating
Any Of This.

I Don't Care
What You Do To Me.

You Know,
People Drink This Stuff, And...

Now, What Should We Do?

I Say Ignore Them.

They Are Beyond Hope.

You're Right.

Let's Take Our Tea
Into The Living Room.

You Really Let Your
Children Eat This...

That's Exactly
What I Was Telling You.

That's How They Eat It.

It's Terrible.

You Touch That Pizza,
And You're Dead.

One Little Piece
Isn't Going To...

I'll k*ll You.

Okay?

Come On.

Good-Bye, Guys.

And Cliff?

Yes, Dear.

When You're Done

Stick Those Potato Chips
Hidden Under The Table

Back Up In The Chimney.