03x05 - Mother, May I?

[bunniefuu]

Hi, Rudy.

Hi, Mommy.

I Didn't Do It.

Are You Telling Me The Truth?

Rudy, Why Did
You Do This?

I Wanted To See If Daddy
Could Look Like A Woman.

Well, He Doesn't Look Too Bad.

Cliff?

Cliff...

Hey. How You Doing?

Oh, Fine.

What You Laughing At?

Cliff, You Are So Beautiful.

And You're Beautiful, Too.

You Are Really Beautiful.

Go To The Mirror And Look.

Why?

Just... Go Look.

I Don't Have To.

!I Want You To See
The New And Improved You.

And Who Do I Have
To Thank For This?

Me. Are You Mad?

No. Why Did You Choose My Face
To Express Yourself?

I'm Sorry.

Where Did You Get
This Makeup, Rudy?

It's Vanessa's.

This Is Vanessa's Makeup?

Yes. I Got It Out
Of Her School Bag.

I Think I'll Have
A Talk With Vanessa.

I'll Join You.

No, This Isn't The Right Time

For Vanessa To See
The New And Improved You.

Daddy?

Yes.

You Look Good.

(Knocking)

Come In.

Hello, Vanessa.

Hi, Mom.

How Are You?

Great.
How Are You?

Oh, I'm Fine.

Rudy Found This
In Your Book Bag.

She Did?

Mm-Hmm.

Mom, Talk To Her.

She Always Goes
Through My Things.

It's An Invasion Of Privacy.

Do You Know What's In Here?

Well...

Vanessa?

It's Makeup.

The Rule In This House Is
No Makeup Until You're .

Fifteen?!

Vanessa, You Knew That.

But You Never Said It To Me.

I Am Now.
You Don't Need Makeup.

You're Putting It On
So You Can Look Older.

Why Are You Trying
To Grow Up So Fast?

Mom, I'm Not.

I'm Years Old.

I'm Practically A Woman.

You Are Not A Woman.
You Are A Child.

I'm A Young Woman.

You Are An Old Child.

Aren't I At Least
A Beginning Woman?

Okay, Vanessa,
You Are A Beginning Woman.

I Need Practice.

And At You Will Get
All The Practice You Need.

That Was The Rule
For Sondra, Denise

And Now
For You.

When Denise And Sondra Were ,
Things Were Different.

The "Earthy" Look Was In--

Sloppy Clothes, No Makeup.

But Now Everybody
Wears Makeup.

I Don't Care.

Mother, All Of My Friends Are Wearing Makeup.

Rebecca's Mother
Let's Her Wear Makeup.

I Am Not
Rebecca's Mother.

If You Want To Live
With Her Rules

Go Live In Her House.

No Makeup.
Is That Clear?

Yes, Mom.

Good.

Life Is So Hard!

I Know.

And You're Just
A Beginning Woman.

Ah, Smells Good!

Thank You.

Vegetable Stock.

I'm Going To Poach
The Fish In It.

You Need Something With
A Little Zest In There.

No, Cliff.

It Needs Cliff's Down-Home,
Good-Enough-To-Eat-By-Itself

But-Tastes-Even-Better-With
The Lemon Fish Sauce.

Are You Putting
Anything Weird In This?

No.
Just Some Lemon And Sawdust.

Cliff...

I'm Just Kidding.

What Happened With You
And Miss Vanessa?

At , I Was Just Like That.

Really?

Drove My
Mother Crazy.

I Wanted To Wear Makeup.

Why Is It Always Like That?

When We're ,
We Want To Be .

When We're ,
We Want To Be .

When We're ,
We Can't Wait Until We're .

Never Had That Problem.

All I Wanted To Do
Was Just Enjoy The Age I Was.

You Never Wanted To Be Older?

No, Indeed.

Then Why Is It That
When You Were Years Old

You Dressed In One Of
Your Father's Suits

With A Hat Pulled Down
Over One Eye

And A Sad Little Mustache Penciled In?

That Had Nothing To Do
With Looking Old.

I Wanted To Look Like
Duke Ellington.

You Were Cute.

Really?

Oh, Yes.

I Still Have That Hat
Upstairs In The Room.

You Should Wear It Later.

I Think I Can Find
The Suit, Too.

You Won't Need The Suit.

I Said, "Later."

Daddy, Can I
Have A Lemon?

Why?

I Want To Eat It.

Really?
This Is A Lemon.

I Know That.

Aren't You Thinking
About Oranges?

No, I'm Thinking Of Lemons.

Okay.

Mmm, Refreshing.

Rudy, Go Upstairs
And Wash Up For Dinner.

All Right.

That's Your Child.

I Know.

Have You Seen
The Fire Extinguishers?

Why, Son, Is There A Fire?

No, I Need To Find
The Extinguishers.

In Our Health Class,
We're Studying Fire Prevention.

I Have To Draw
A Plan Of The House

Showing Where We Keep The Fire
Extinguishers And Smoke Alarms.

That's A Good Assignment.

I Found The Smoke Alarms,
But No Fire Extinguishers.

Well, They're In The House.

I Bought Them.

Where Are They?

Well... Um...

There's One In Each Car.

And Then, Uh...

In A Fire, You Would Not
Have Time To Stop And Think.

You Should Know Exactly Where
The Fire Extinguishers Are.

Yeah, Well,
I Know Where They Are

Because I Move Them Around

So That The Fire
Doesn't Know Where They Are.

Dad, This Is Serious.

As An Authority Figure
Of This House

You Should Make Every Effort
To Understand Fire Safety.

Theo Is Right.
We Should Know More About This.

I Know Fire Safety.

That's What A Lot
Of People Think.

Let Me Ask You This.

"True Or False:

"If A Grease Fire Breaks Out

You Should Throw Water
On It Immediately."

True.

Wrong, Dad.

Water Will Spread A Grease Fire.

I Knew That.

You Knew That?

I Did Know That.
You Use Baking Soda.

That's Good, Mom.

Or You Can Use

A Chemical-Based
Fire Extinguisher.

Okay, Ask Me Another Question.

"On Electrical Fires

You Should Always Use
A Fire Extinguisher."

There You Go. Always Use
A Fire Extinguisher.

Wrong, Dad.

Wrong, What?

Some Fire Extinguishers
Are Water-Based.

I Knew That, Too.

You Can Know Everything
After The Answer Has Been Given.

Give Me This.

I'll Ask You
A Question, Okay?

Okay.

"What Are The Three
Most Important Things

You Should Do To Maintain
Your Smoke Alarm?"

One: Test It.

Okay.

Two: Charge The Batteries
At Least Every Year.

And Three: Vacuum The Alarm
Every Three Months

To Make Sure It's Free
From Dust Particles.

Wrong!

No, Dad.

It's Wrong!
It's Wrong!

Sounded Right To Me.

Oh, Sure.
It Sounded Right To You.

It Would Be
A Good Idea

If This Family Had A Fire Drill.

I Agree.

Just Have It After Dinner.

It Has To Be A Surprise.

No, Son.

There's An Old Roman Saying:

"By Age, Not By Knowledge,
Do You Acquire Wisdom."

Cliff?

Yes, Dear.

Wrong!

Wrong Again?

Wrong Again.

The Saying Is:

"Not By Age, But By Knowledge
Is Wisdom Acquired."

Thanks, Mom.

Why Do You Always Pick On Me?

I'm Sorry.

Sorry?

I'm Going To Move Someplace

Where People Won't
Make Fun Of Me.

You Better Go Alone.

What About Eye Shadow?

Nope.

How About Blush?

Uh-Uh.

Not Even Blush?

She Said I Can't Wear
Any Makeup.

It's The Worst Day Of Your Life.

Rebecca, This Isn't The End.
It's A New Beginning.

For What?

My Earthy Look.

Vanessa, You Can't
Walk Around Like That.

Like What?

With Your Face Naked.

We Did It Last Year.

We Were Only .

We Didn't Have
Our Look Together Yet.

My Mom Was Serious.

She Said She Doesn't Want
To See Me In Makeup.

She Doesn't Want To See You,
And She Won't.

You're Here.

That Is Not What She Meant.

That's What She Said.

Technically,
You're Doing What She Said.

I Don't Think So, Rebecca.

Look At This--
"Ravishing Raspberry."

I Don't Know, Rebecca.

It's Made By
An Italian Princess

Who Has A Famous
Dermatology Firm

In New Jersey.

Really?

This Has Dehydrated Raspberries
And Real Italian Mud.

And Since It's Made
With Raspberries

It Doesn't Really
Count As Makeup, Right?

Right.

Okay, I'll Try
A Little.

You'll Feel
Much Better.

What You Doing, Theo?

I'm Cleaning The Smoke Alarm.

How Come?

Well, It's Because...

What's Wrong?

Your Face.

What About It?

You've Got Junk
Around Your Eyes.

I Do?

Yeah.

Oh, No!

Vanessa,
Are You Wearing Makeup?

I Thought I Got It Off.

Vanessa, You Know You're Not
Supposed To Wear Makeup.

I'll Get Some Cream.
Mom Will k*ll Me.

You Can't.
Mom's Up There.

Use The Sink.

I Can't. It's Waterproof.

I Could Vacuum It Off.

You've Got To Help Me.

Go Upstairs
And Get Some Cold Cream.

For $ . .

This Is No Time
To Play Around.

Okay,
I'll Do It.

Thank You.

Vanessa?

Vanessa, Come Here.

Hi, Mom.

You Know I Don't Like You
Wearing Sunglasses In The House.

Okay.

Vanessa?

Vanessa,
Come Down Here, Please.

Look At Me.

Mm-Mm-Mmm.

When A Person
Takes Off Her Sunglasses

It's Amazing What You Can See
Around Her Eyes.

Mom, Could I Say One Thing?

Mm-Hmm.

I Didn't Plan To Put Makeup On.

I Was Talking To Rebecca,
And Suddenly I Was Wearing It.

It's Like Temporary Insanity.

If You Look
At My Record

You'll See I've Never
Done Anything Like This

And I'll Never Do This Again.

Finished?

If You Think Of What
I Could Have Been Doing

Vanessa.
This Is
Nothing...

Mom...

You Should Know
That Every Word You Say

Is Only Going To
Make Me Angrier.

Go Upstairs.

Don't Come Down
Until You're Called.

Yes, Mom.

One Hundred...

Ninety-Nine...

Ninety-Eight...

Ninety-Seven...

You're Counting.
Ninety-Six...

Yes, I Am. Ninety-Five...

Who Did It?

Vanessa. Ninety-Four...

What?

After All We
Went Through Yesterday

She Showed Up Today
Wearing Makeup.

No, She Didn't.

Yes, She Did.

I'm So Angry

I Told Her To Go Upstairs
Until She's Called.

Good Idea.

Why Is It Always Like This
When They're ?!

I've Been Through
Three Girls

And It's Always The Same Thing--
... Makeup.

I Have Good News For You.

You Only Have
One More To Go-- Rudy.

When Rudy Turns ,
We Should Run Away From Home

Because I'll Be Too Old
To Live Through This.

Let's Bring Rudy Down Here Now,
Put Makeup On Her

And Start Yelling At Her.

(Knocking)

(Sigh)

Come In.

What Happened?

Nothing.

She Let You Off?

No, She Said To Wait Here
Until I'm Called.

Whoa!

What?

She's So Mad
She Needs Time To Cool Off.

She Is?

Yup. She Did It With Me Once.

It Was After I Put Her Watch
In The Dishwasher.

I Wanted To See If It Was
Waterproof Like The Commercial.

When Did You Do That?

When I Was .

I Don't Think What I Did
Is That Bad.

She Told You Not To Wear Makeup,
And You Did.

She Never Told Me

I Couldn't Put Her Watch
In The Dishwasher.

(Knocking)

(♪Humming The Theme
From "Dragnet"♪)

What's Going On?

Nothing, Rudy.
I Think You Should Leave.

Why?

Mom Caught Vanessa
With Makeup.

She's On Her Way Up.

You're Not Supposed
To Wear Makeup.

Rudy, Get Out, Okay?

Rudy, You'd Better Go.

When Are We Having
The Fire Drill?

Fire Drill--
Great Idea!

Let's Have It Now.

A Fire Drill Would Only Postpone
Your Date With Doom.

(Authoritative Knocking)

Rudy: Hi.

Vanessa, We'd Like
To Speak With You.

Good Luck.

Rudy, Please Leave.

Aw, Mom, You Always Say That.

We Always Mean It.

Could I Say One Thing?

One Short Thing.

I Did It, I'm Sorry...
And I Should Be Punished.

We Know It, We Accept,
And You Will Be.

I Just Have To Say This--
It Wasn't My Fault.

It Wasn't Your Fault?
No.

I Went To School Saying,
"I Won't Wear Makeup."

Then Rebecca Says
I Really Need It.

We're Not Here
To Talk About Makeup.

You're Not?

We're Here To Talk About Rules.

Your Father And I Expect You
To Follow The Rules We Make.

We're Not Trying
To Spoil Your Fun.

We Make Rules Because We Think
They're Good For You.

Whether You Agree
With Them Or Not

A Rule Is A Rule.

You Were Told
Not To Do Something

And You Did It Anyway.

Don't Do That Again.

I Won't, Mom.

Cliff, Anything To Add?

Yeah.

See, I Think...

I'm Sorry, Mom.

I'm Sorry.

I Know...

See...

Clair: And I Love You...

But You're Grounded
For A Year.

A Year?

I'll Settle
For A Week.

And That's All I Have To Say.

Well, I Said Good Night
To Vanessa.

How Is She?

Pitiful.

I Don't Know
Who Made Up Grounding

But I'm Sure
They Didn't Have Children.

The Next Time
You And I Ground A Child

We Do It
At Somebody Else's House

And Leave The Child There.

We've Survived Other Groundings.
We'll Survive This One.

I Hope So.

(Theo Imitating
Alarm Bell)

Theo:
Fire Drill!

If You Hear
The Alarm, Yell!

I Hear It!

Rudy And Vanessa:I Hear It!

Mom, Let's Go!

Okay, Okay.

Where's Dad?

He's In The Bathroom.

Dad, Come On.

Let's Go. Fire Drill.

Dad! Let's Go!

(Imitating Alarm Bell)

Cliff:
What?

Come On.
Fire Drill.

So What?

Dad, You've Got To
Leave The House.

I'm Busy.

Dad, Come On.
I'm Timing This.

Is The House
On Fire?

When It Is,
Let Me Know.

Come On, Dad, I'm Serious.

How Come When Your Mother's
In Here, No One Bothers Her?

Every Time I'm In This Place,There's A Parade.

Please Get Downstairs
As Soon As You Can.

Go Ahead.
I Do Not Care.

What Are
You Doing?

If There Was A Fire,
You Wouldn't Be Inside.

It's Cold Outside.

Can We Just Stand
On The Stoop?

Sure. Let's Go.

Where's Daddy?

We Can't Wait For Him.

Come On.

Theo: Fifty-Four Seconds--
Not Bad For The First Try.

Vanessa:
I'm Cold.

Clair: Theo, Open The
Door.

Okay. The Fire Drill
Is Now Over.

Thank You.

Theo,
Use Your Key.

My Key?
Yes.

You Did Bring
Your Key?

You Brought Us Out Here
In The Cold

And You Don't
Have A Key?!

Quit Complaining.
I Saved Your Life.

Let's Not Fight
About This.

Ring The Doorbell.

Your Father Will Come
And Open This Door.

(Doorbell)

Cliff!

Dad!

Come On,
Dad!

Dad,We'reCold!

Come On!

Wait A Minute.

Let's Not Disturb
The Entire Neighborhood.

Vanessa, Check
The Back Door.

Theo, Check
The Basement Windows.

You And I Will
Check The Windows
On This Floor.

Okay...

I'll Make The Fire Drill
Complete.

Okay, I'm Here.

Clair: Cliff,
Don't...

(Slam)

Oh, Cliff...

(Knocking)