02x23 - The Card Game

[bunniefuu]

"She Walks In Beauty
Like The Night

"Of Cloudless...

"She Walks In Beauty...

"Like The Night...

I'm So Embarrassed

To Stumble In Front Of
My Former Professor.

Heathcliff...

If You Can't Remember
Something So Elementary

Then All My Years
Of Teaching At Hillman

Will Have Been Wasted.

I Know It.

"She Walks...

"She Walks In Beauty...

"She Walks...

Cliff, Let The
Woman Sit Down.

She's Been Walking
A Long Time.

No, I Know The Poem.

What Time Is Your
Lecture At Rutgers?

Tomorrow Afternoon At : .

If You're Waiting For Cliff
To Remember This Poem

Call Them To Say
You'll Be Late.

"She Walks...

"In Beauty
Like The Night

"Of Cloudless Climes
And Starry Skies

"And Everywhere
That Mary Went

"The Lamb Was Sure...

I'm Sorry.

Wrong And
Pathetic.

Professor, Would You
Please Tell My Wife

What Grade

I Got
In Your Class?

If My Memory Serves Correctly

Heathcliff Received An "A".

Would You Please Tell
Everyone In This Room

What Grade Clair Olivia Hanks
Received?

A Student's Grade
Is Confidential.

It Was A "B"!

Well, Cliff, You May
Have Received An "A"

But...

"She Walks In Beauty
Like The Night

"Of Cloudless Climes
And Starry Skies

"Thus Mellowed
To That Tender Light

Which Heaven To
Gaudy Day Denies."

Beautiful.

Now...

Deal With That!

Don't Even
Think About It.

Hello?

Hey, Chuck.

You're Kidding?

Really Bad, Huh?

So You Won't Be Able
To Play Tonight?

No.

Stay Home And
Take It Easy.

We'll Play Cutthroat.

Bye-Bye.

What's Wrong?

Chuck Is Coming Down
With The Flu.

He Can't Play
Pinochle Tonight.

If It's Okay,
I'll Be Your Partner.

You Play Pinochle?
Yes.

I'm A Very Good Player.

Really?

It Was I Who Put
The "P" In Pinochle.

Dr. Foster

You've Never Seen
A Game Like This One.

Once A Month

Cliff's Father
And His Friend Homer

Come Over To Destroy
Cliff And Chuck.

In Five Years, They Have
Not Won A Single Game.

I'd Love To Play
Against These Men.

I Don't Think So.

I Would.

You Don't Understand.

For Instance, In Pinochle

When You Turn
All Of The Tricks, It's...

Called A "Head Rub."

Well, My Father And Homer

Don't Say,
"Consider Yourself Rubbed."

These Fellows
Actually Rub Your Head?

They Just Don't Rub,
Dr. Foster-

They Polish...

They Buff...

They Wax...

And They Cheat.

They Use Hand Signals?

They're Really Not
That Sophisticated.

They Say
Things Like:

"I Shouldn't Have
Eaten That Hot Dog

Because Now I Have
Heart-Burn."

Yes.

It's Even Worse Than That.

Things Like:

"You Know, Yesterday My Wife
Went Out Into The Garden

And Took Her Spade."

Ah...

And, "Later We Went
To The Night-Club."

Mail.

Anything For Me?

Nope.

Who's The Package For?

"Mr. Theodore Huxtable."

Open It.

Now, Rudy,
How Would You Like It

If Somebody Opened Your Mail?

I Never Get Any.

"Grandstone Merchandising."

Hmm...

Doesn't Make Any Noise.

Smell It.

It Just Smells Like Mail.

Drop It.

Now I Refuse
To Drop This Package.

I Will.

Freeze!

Is That My Package?

What Package?

It's Your
Package, Theo.

Thanks.
All Right!

What Is It?

It's Personal.

Who Is It?

Denise.

What Do You Want?

I'm Returning
Your Hat.

Okay, Come In.

Thank You For
Letting Me Wear It.

You're Welcome.

What's That?

Can You Keep
A Secret?

Sure.

Close The Door.

I Got Tanya Something.

Ooh, Tanya.

You Two Becoming A Thing?

I've Seen Her
For A While

And I Like Her.

Did You Buy Her A Ring?

You'll See.

You Bought Her
A Ring!

Keep It Down!

Let Me
See It.

All Right!

It's Beautiful, Isn't It?

Yeah, It's Something.

How Much Do You Think You Have
To Pay For A Ring Like This?

Uh...

Two Hundred Dollars?

Well...

Three Hundred.

Theo, I Have No Idea
What I'd Pay For That.

You'd Never Believe It.

I Got This Ring
For Only $ . .

It's From One Of
Those Tv Commercials?

Yup, And It Comes With
A Money-Back Guarantee

If I'm Not
Fully Delighted.

Theo...

These Aren't Even Real Diamonds.

The Commercial Calls Them
"Diamondnoids."

Yeah, But They're As Close
To Real Diamonds As You Can Get.

They've Been Popular
In Europe For Years

And Now They're Finally
Available In This Country.

Theo, There's No Way
Tanya Will Think These Are Real.

There Isn't?

No. They Don't Look It.

I Guess.

But It's The Thought
That Counts, Right?

Right.

Did It Come With
Anything Else

Like A Necklace
Or A Bracelet?

No, But They're Sending
A Bamboo Steamer.

Now, Dr. Foster

Before My Father
And Homer Arrive

We Should Work Out
Some Signals.

"Oh, What A Tangled Web
We Weave

When First We Practice
To Deceive."

Do You Want To Win?

Yes

But Fairly And Squarely.

You're Dealing With
The James Boys.

This Is Frank And Jesse.

In The Words Of Monty Hale:

"sh**t Low.
They Might Be Crawling."

Well, I'd Rather Lose
As A Gentleman

Than Win As A Scoundrel.

You'll Get The Rest
Of Your Hair Rubbed Off.

Hey, Dad.

How You
Doing?

Dr. Foster.

Could I
Talk To You?

Is It About Money?

No.

Let's Go.

I Want To Show You Something.

When You See It, I Want
Your Honest Reaction.

Just Tell Me
What You Think.

You Want My Reaction?

Yes.

$ . .

How Did You Know?

It's
"Diamondnoids."

I Saw It On Television.

When Do You Ever
Watch Wrestling?

It Wasn't Wrestling.

It Was : A.M.
I Was Watching An Old Movie.

Who Is
It For?

Tanya.

Tanya.

Is It Her Birthday?

No.

Christmas?

No, Just For Friendship.

You Don't Want Her
For A Friend Very Long, Do You?

Just Kidding.

I Shouldn't
Give Her The Ring?

You Should Bring Her In Here
During The Wrestling Match-

You Know, When They Put
The Commercial On?

And If
She Says

"Oh, That Looks Nice!"

Then You Go In Your Pocket
And Say, "Here You Go."

No, I'm
Serious.

Hey, Grandpa.

Theo!

Hey, Mr. Dobson.

You Look Sharp.

Thanks.
I've Got A Date.

Then You Want
To Take Off.

See You Later.

Wrestling At : !

Hey, Son.

Dad, How
Are You?

No, Don't Rub
My Hair Off Yet!

How You
Doing?

No!

Where's Chuck?

Chuck Has The Flu

And He Will Not
Be Coming Over.

Besides, He Didn't
Want To Play With Cheaters.

Who? Us?

We've Never Cheated
A Day In Our Lives.

What's The Matter?

Don't Want To Get Hit
By The Lightning.

I Guess It's Just
The Three Of Us.

We'll Play Cutthroat-

Every Man For Himself.

No. I Have
A Partner.

Really?

Did You Go To
"Rent-A-Loser"?

No.

No, I Have
A Partner.

It's Dr. Foster.

He's A Doctor?

No, He's Head Of The English
Department At Hillman.

A Hillman Man?

Ah, These Must Be
Our Worthy Opponents.

Dr. Foster,
Meet Frank And Jesse.

Dr. Foster, I'm Cliff's
Father, Russell Huxtable

And This Is My Friend,
Homer Dobson.

It's A Real
Pleasure.

Heathcliff Says You Fellows
Are Spirited Players.

We Like
A Good Game.

We Play
To Have Fun.

We Don't Care

Whether We
Win Or Lose.

Lightning.

Heathcliff And I
Will Not Be Easily Beaten.

That's Good.

That Makes The Game
That Much More Enjoyable.

Then Let The Games Begin.

Fresh Meat.

Oh, No.

He Looks Like He's Been
Rubbed To Death.

No Matter How Dumb
The Dealer Looks

Always Cut
The Cards.

Your Eyes May Shine,
Your Teeth May Grit

But The Cards You Want
You Will Not Get.

Watch It, Homer.

That Was Low.

Am I Missing Something?

They're Telling Us That
Since They're Playing Us

Vultures Are Circling Overhead.

Ahh.

Hello, Gentlemen.

Clair.

Please Sit Down.

I'm Taking The Girls
Out For Some Ice Cream.

Shall I Bring Home Some
For The Winners?

Good Idea.

What Kind, Homer?

I Could Go For
Some Pecan Praline.

Yeah, That Would Be Good
After The Victory.

I Got It.

Come On, Sweetheart.

Oh, No, Rudy,
You're Not Going Anywhere

Until You Give
Granddad A Kiss.

When Does Daddy
Get His Head Rubbed?

Later, Sweetheart.

Gentlemen, Before We Begin,
I Have A Question.

Do You Usually Play
Straight Partners

Cutthroat

Or Double-Deck Auction
With A Widow?

Straight Partners.

Standard Scoring Or
The Midwest Check System?

Just What Is
The Midwest Check System?

Theo, I'm So Glad You
Told Me About This Book.

It's Wonderful.

I Knew You'd Like It.

Listen To This:

"But In The Hereness Of Dusk

"I Am Moving Toward
The Doom-Like Bells

To The Flowered Air
Beneath The Rising Moon."

Ellison's Great, Isn't He?

He Sure Is.

Tanya?

Yes?

Can I Ask You A Question?

Sure.

Do You Watch Wrestling?

Wrestling?

No, I Don't Like
It That Much.

We've Been Seeing Each Other
For About Four Weeks.

Almost Five.

That Long?

Yeah, It's Been That Long.

I Haven't Seen Anyone Else
Since I Started Seeing You.

Me, Either.

All Right.

So What Did You
Want To Ask, Theo?

Well, This Isn't Easy For Me...

Wait.

Theo, Is It That You
Want To See Someone Else?

No, No, It's Not That.

Not At All.

It's Not Important.

Let's Read Some More.

Okay.

Cliff

You Study Long,
You Study Wrong.

You Studied Wrong.

I Think
I'll Need

A Little Help
On This One, Partner.

Pay Them No Mind, Heathcliff.

It's Merely Sound And Fury
Signifying Nothing

And Why Are You Wearing
That Silly Card?

Are You Going To
Play The Card?

Why Should I

When It Feels So Good
On My Forehead?

Come On.
Please, Play The Card.

Thank You,
Partner.

Nothing To It.

You Know, Russell

This Warm Weather Reminds Me
When I Was Young.

We Used To Take
The Ball And The Glove

And Go Down To
The Baseball Diamond.

You Know, Homer

Sometimes When I
Went Out To Play Baseball

It Would Rain.

And We Had To Go Sit
In The Clubhouse.

I Think I'm Going
To Lead With Clubs.

I Wonder Why.

Good Playing.

Your Turn, Son.

Is That The King Of Clubs?

Yes.

To Borrow From
The Great Duke Ellington

It Don't Mean A Thing
If I Beat Your King.

You Had The Ace?

Yes,
I Did.

Dr. Foster

If You'll Throw In,
I'll Collect This Trick.

That May Be Difficult To Do,
Mr. Huxtable, Senior.

Since You Threw
Your Ace In My Face

I'll Bump Your Rump
With My Trump.

Bam!

You've
Cheated

And You've Lied

And By The Turn Of This Trick,
The Score Is Now Tied.

Methinks

I Hear The Flapping Wings
Of The Birds Of Prey.

"I Wandered Down The
Subway Stairs Seeing Nothing

"My Mind Plunging.

"The Subway Was... "

Theo.

Yeah?

I Love The Way You Read.

Thanks.

Tanya, I'm Not Reading
Because I Want To Read.

I'm Reading Because
I Have Something

I Don't Want To Give You.

You Do? What Is It?

It's Just A Present.

It Doesn't
Mean Anything.

It Means Something, But It
Doesn't Mean What It Could Mean.

Here.

Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi, Theo.
Hi, Tanya.

Hi, Theo.
Hi, Tanya.

Hi, Theo.

Hi, Tanya.

Hi, Rudy.

Girl, Will You
Get In This House?

Anyway,
Like I Was Saying

I Have Something
To Give You

But It's
No Big Deal.

Theo, What Is It?

It's Beautiful.

I Love It.

It's Real Cheap.

It's So Beautiful.

It Will Probably
Turn Your Finger Green.

If It Does,
I'll Just Switch Fingers.

I'm Embarrassed To Say
How Much It Cost.

I'll Wear It Every Day.

You Really Like It?

Well, I Really Like You.

Hi.

Want Some
Ice Cream?

Mom!

Yes?

Excuse Us, Please.
Little Girl...

Oh, Mom, I Never
Get To Have Fun.

Jack Of Hearts.

It's To You.

King Of Hearts.

That's Your First
Good Card Tonight, Homer.

Me?

You Haven't Thrown
A Good Card All Night.

I've Been Trying To Set You Up.

Dissension In The Ranks?

Oh-Ho... And I Love It.

It's My Play,
I Believe.

Bap!

Do You Always
Have To Say "Bap"?

I'm Sorry, Dad.

Ka-Pow!

Nine.

Nine?!

The Trick Is Yours, Heathcliff.

Yes, Thank You.

* La Do-Do-Da-Do *

Is There Still In Pinochle
A Tradition In Which

The Taking Of Every Trick

Results In The Rubbing
Of The Opponents' Heads?

I Believe So.

First, You Have To
Win All The Tricks.

There's Only One Trick Left.

Dad, In All The Years,
I Have Never Rubbed Your Head.

You Realize That, Don't You?

And So

I Shall Lead With The Queen Of

Go-Into-The-Garden-
And-Get-The-Spade.

King Of Trump.

Now, Somewhere Is The Ace.

That's Right.

Now Surely, Sir,
You Have The Ace.

Put It On Your Forehead,
As You Have So Many Times.

No.

Come On, Dr. Foster,
We Know You've Got The Ace.

It's A Possibility.

Well, Before I Lay Down
My Final Card

I Am Reminded Of
The Immortal Words Of Hamlet:

"Aye, There's The Rub."

Ace.

Oooh, Bleedl-Deedl-Deedl-Deedl.

And
Now...

Dr. Foster, Since You Are
A Visitor Here

I Give You
The First Rub.

Thank You.

* The Rubbing Of The Head *

* The Rubbing Of The Head *

* Hi, Ho, The Dairy-O,
The Rubbing Of The Head *

A- Coochie-Coochie-Coo.

This Is A Stupid Tradition.

I Agree With You,
But It's Fun!

And Now...

You're Not Really Going
Through With This, Are You?

Wooaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Just Remember I'm Your Father.

Aaah!

Yee-Aaaaaaaa!

Are You Through?

No.

Yeee-Aaaaaaaa.

No, No!

You're Fortunate
To Have Me For A Son.

Am I?

I'm Letting You Eat
The Winner's Ice Cream With Me.

I Have To Admit, Son

You Played
A Very Good Game Tonight

But I Found It
A Little Strange

That Dr. Foster Just Happened
To Show Up Here

The Night We Were
Playing Pinochle.

I Did Not Know The Man
Could Play That Well.

It Is Awfully Coincidental

That Your Partner, Chuck,
Got Sick Tonight.

In Fact, The Next Time We Play

I Want A Note
From Chuck's Doctor.

Hey.

Now, Tell Me
How It Was.

It Was Nice.

Yeah?

Did You Give Her
The Present?

Yes, I Did.

- All Right.
- What Present?

I Gave Tanya A Ring.

I'm Very Happy You're Dating.

It's A Special Time
In A Young Man's Life.

But There Are Certain Things
You Should Know About.

Dad And I
Already Had A Talk.

You And Theo Had
The Talk?

The Talk.

Did He Mention The Part
About Being A Gentleman?

Several Times.

I Gave Him The Same Talk
That You Gave Me

And Your Father Gave You.

Did You Listen?

Yes, Grandpa.

Good.

I'll Be As Much Of A Gentleman
As Dad Was At My Age.

I Think I'd Better
Give Him The Talk Again.