01x24 - Family Lies

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- I am thirty seconds away from saving us!

- I hate you, Schwoz!

[ tube alert ]

- Bills... bills...

- What is this thing doing to me?

- fan mail... ooh, from a mom, gonna save that one.

- No, save us! - What are you doing?

- It was Schwoz's turn to make dinner

and he accidentally science-ed up a giant squid

and when it found out we were going to eat it,

it got real mad and-- - Hang on hang on

I gotta take this... - No, please!

- You got Ray Manchester.

- You got Sharona Shapen -- Swellview City School inspector.

- What do you want, Sharona?

- Well I want a lot of things, but I can't say 'em

because I'm pretty sure there's kids listening.

[ groaning ]

- But what I need from you is a Parents' Night.

- A Parents' Night?

[ Miles screams and groans ]

- Yeah! Every school has a Parents' Night.

Y'know, you bring 'em in, you tell 'em

what you've been teaching their precious lil' miracles,

they smile, and boom -- they can't sue the city.

- Yeah, yeah that sounds great.

Uh, we'll just have a Parents' Night tomorrow night.

[ whispers ] We're not gonna have

a Parents' Night tomorrow night.

- Did you just cover the phone

and mouth that you're not having a Parents' Night?

- No... [ whispers ] Help me!

[ in unison ] - Help us!

- I'm on the phone! - Help!

- I'm gonna need proof that you actually had

this Parents' Night.

[ Miles screams ]

- You need to send me a picture

of the kids and their parents in the school.

And somebody better be holding up a copy

of that day's newspaper so I know you're not fakin' it.

And if I don't get that picture by tomorrow night...

- I'm shuttin' it down! [ mouths "shuttin' it down" ]

- Yeah, we'll just have the Parents' Night.

Byeeeeee. Alright, we got a big problem.

- Yeah. No kidding! - Schwozzzzzzzz!

- I think the squid ate him!

- Well spit him out!

[ the squid groans ]

- Hey pal, I need you to clone some parents

that look like these kids. - No...

- Oh and someone's gotta go get us a newspaper, too.

- I said no! - And I says yes!

I don't want these kids' real parents pokin' around,

askin' questions, and figurin' out how fake this school is.

Now go on, get clonin'.

- No can do, big dog. - And why not small dog?!

- I am starting a thirty-day science cleanse.

- What?

- Yeah, what?

- Yeah, what?

- Just now, when my dinner was eating me,

I realized that I have been science-ing way too much lately.

- Oh come on... - Noooo!

- So I decided to go a whole month without doing any science.

I need a break.

- This is so typical of you, Schwoz. This is just great.

RAY: You know what, I just gotta do

everything myself aren't I-- per yuuuuge.

- Miles? You good?

MIKA: The squid just grabbed a laser!

- Ah!

- You know what, I'm just gonna photoshop

this stupid picture myself and then it'll be so awesome

we won't even need to do a Parents' Night.

- Guys, I just had a vision.

We're definitely having a Parents' Night.

Also, Ray's P-shop skills are trash.

- Uh, no we're not. And my P-shop skills are primo.

You'll see. Stupid visions.

Tellin' me what I can and cannot do.

Your visions are trash.

Let's see.

Tutorial?

Skiiiiip.

[ music - theme from "Psycho" ]

- Ahhh, looks like SW.A.G.'s havin'

a Parents' Night tomorrow night.

- You're gonna start puttin' some respect on my visions. Hmm.

- C'mon, let's go tell Mom and Dad.

- No! You don't need to do that!

We've got Ray's photoshop!

We're Gucci. - We're not Gucci.

- Even I wouldn't believe that's real.

And I'm the second-dumbest member of Danger Force.

- I'm gonna give you a ride home.

- Thank you... - No -- don't!

- I gotta bounce, too.

- Heyyyyyyy! I've got Miss Shapen's home address...

what if she had an "accident?"

Then all our problems would be solved!

- Okay, I love that.

But the Man Freezer's full of squid now

so I think we gotta just bite the bologna on this one.

- I'll go tell my mom. - Ooooh, your mom?!

Scooch over, I'll tell her with you.

- You said you'd answer that call that came in

about Cavekid going crazy at Hey Foods.

- Yeah, but that was before I heard about Bose's mom.

- Pretty sure I can tell her myself.

- And yet, you won't. Down the tube!

- What's on your mind, bebe girl?

- If I tell you, you promise not to razz me?

I don't really have a family.

When that boy stole my cell phone, I left home

and since I still haven't found it, I...

I just never went back.

- So where do you live?

- I live at Dinnyland.

- [ gasps ] You live in an amusement park?!

- Yes, Schwoz! I wait 'til it closes

and I go under a fence and live in the Spooky Condo ride!

And is it fun? Of course it is.

Do I get to eat all the leftover churros and candy I want?

Until my tummy hurts. Is it amazing to have

an entire amusement park to myself every single night?!

I think that question answers itself!

But I don't have any parents for Parents' Night.

- Does anyone else know?

- No -- and don't tell 'em.

I don't want everyone razzing me about not having parents.

- I don't think any of us would razz you

for not having parents.

- Are you kidding me?

Remember how much we razzed Tiny Ray

for having such a high-pitched voice?

[ laughter ]

- Leave me alone, you guys!

- Hey, does anyone else hear a cartoon mouse?

- Shut up!

- Hold up. Whatever you say, James Van Der Squeak.

- Ha ha ha. So funny.

- I'm laughing because you talk funny!

- Well, I'm outta here!

- Hey, you gonna move from Swellview to Squeak-view?

- Yeah yeah. Maybe I will!

Okay. Come on, babe!

CHEST MONSTER: Get wrecked, Tiny Ray.

Get absolutely wrecked.

- That was not our best moment...

- You sure you can't science up a fake dad for me

by tomorrow night? - I took a Vow of Science.

Absolutely no science for Schwozie for thirty days.

- Then I guess I'm gonna get razzed...

- Hey, what if I hired an amazing actor

who could pretend to be your dad during Parents' Night?

That way, no one would have to know that you don't have parents.

- [ scoffs ] You'd have to find an actor who's willing to do it

on short notice and for no money.

Where are you going to find someone like that?

- Hello, I'm Jake Hart.

I am a recent graduate of Juilliard... dot com

and I'll be reading for the role of "Chapa's Father."

Hello there, Chapa.

You are my daughter.

- It all just kinda happened.

[ kids all talking at once ]

- Stop talking!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!

[ kids in unison ] - Emergency!

- That's just the doorbell. - I know.

[ music ]

- Schwoz!

Schwoz! Schwoz!

- Oh, Mika?! - Have you seen Schwoz?!

- Do you know how to tie a tie?! - Yes!

Schwoz?!

- Ray?!

Have you seen Ray?! - No! Can you tie a tie?!

- Yes!!! Ray!

- Schwoz! Parents' Night is starting,

I really need to talk to you.

- Can someone please help me tie this tie?!

- Mika knows how. She's probably downstairs.

See ya at Parents' Night. Okay, okay, bye.

- Weeeee! - Okay, little problem here.

- Yeah Parents' Night is about to start

and Ray ran off to Hey Foods to capture Cavekid!

- No, bigger little problem. My parent isn't here yet!

- Relaxies. The actor I hired to play your father

just textied me that he's here.

- [ sighs ] Okay.

Thank god for actors. - Yes.

They're always on time and they never complain about anything.

Okay, now go!

Your fake dad is waiting for you downstairs.

- This guy any good? - He went to Juilliard!

- Oh. Impressive.

- Dot com. - What?!

- Now since I'm all alone...

Maybe just one little science.

Nobody needs to kn--

[ tube alert ]

- Ahhhhhhh!

- Aiiiieeee!

- Hi-yah!

[ tube alert ]

- Where is that little animal?!

- She's right there smashing some science stuff

that I was just holding for a friend.

[ growls ]

- I caught her trying to steal radishes from Hey Foods.

- Radishes!!!

- Hokay, but if you don't send Miss Shapen a picture

of all the kids and their parents tonight--

- Yeah yeah, I know, she's shuttin' us down.

I don't have time to take this one to prison now.

She's your problem. - Mine?!

- Don't worry. She's not gonna smash stuff

as long as she's eating radishes.

- Radishes!!!

- That's why I stole a bunch-- er, bought a bunch of these

from the supermarket.

I'll take her to prison as soon as Parents' Night's over.

- Radishes!!!

- Be careful with her, she's a runner!

[ Cavekid hisses ]

[ music ]

- There she is. Mika fixed my tie!

- Yeah, looks great. Anybody see my dad?

- There's a dude out front talking to himself,

but he looks nothing like you. - That's probably my dad!

Where's your parents?

- Outside, parking my dad's horse.

- Your dad drives a horse?!

- Yeah, he's in this group called the Swellview Saddlers.

- Whatever you do, do NOT ask him about his saddle.

- Did someone say saddle?!

- Ohhh! - Here we go.

- Okay, who said the word "saddle"?

- My goodness is this a nubuck sueded grain leather?

- Finally. A kid who respects a saddle.

- Wow. It's still warm.

[ Mika and Miles in unison ] - Ew!

- Heyyyy! Welcome to Parents' Night!

I'm Headmaster Ray Manchester.

Your kids call me Mister Manchester

but you can just call me Sir.

- Yeah, I'm not doin' that.

[ vocalizing ]

- Umm. - Hello young girl.

I am the father of someone who attends this school.

- Yeah. That's me.

- Then allow me to introduce myself.

I am actor Jake Hart, but you may call me daddy.

- Yeah, I'm not doin' that.

- As soon as I walk through that door, Jake Hart will die.

But from his ashes shall rise Enzo Lula Elena Chapa Da Silva.

- Okay here's some things you might need to know about me.

I don't have a cell phone - No, no, no!

Don't tell me anything else about yourself.

- Why not? - Because I just became

a certified "improv actor." - Oh no.

- They don't just hand these out, you know.

You have to pay four-thousand dollars.

- Okay great, but we hired you to pretend to be my dad

so you're gonna need to know some things about me.

- Uh-uh-uh! This credential means I can

just "improvise" everything or "make it up as I go along."

- No no no no no no--

- The trick is to start almost every sentence

with "Yes, and..." then say the whatever comes to mind,

whether it makes sense or not. - This is a terrible plan.

- Yes, and it's what we're going to do.

RAY: Chapa?! Get in here! - That's my cue!

JAKE: Greetings!

RAY: You're Chapa's dad?

JAKE: Yes, and I love that saddle.

[ music ]

SCIENTIST ON VIDEO: You know what I like the most?

Science-ing...

- Yaaaaaasss.

SCIENTIST: So today we're going to combine

potassium chloride with molybdenum.

- Uh-oh, that's gonna get messy...

SCIENTIST: Let's get this done--

- Radishessss.

[ Cavekid growls ]

- Oh.

- Errrrrr!!!

- Oh crud. Nice Cavekid.

Who's a good cavekid?

[ music ]

- Weeeeee! - That's really your dad?

- Yah!

- Yeah. That's my dad.

- Okay that's enough.

- Yes, and now it's my daughter's turn.

Go on, honey. It's still warm.

- I'm good. And don't call me honey.

- You look really familiar to me.

- Yes, and that's because my daughter and I

were once in a cereal commercial.

- You were?! - No--

- Yes, and we still remember the jingle.

- Do we though?

- Yes, and we'll sing it for you now.

Five, six, seven, eight...

♪ When you're feeling hungry, hungry in your tummy, ♪

♪ reach for a bowl -- a bowl of Yummies! ♪

Yummies! - Yummies!

- I remember that commercial! - You do?

- Okay! What do you say we kick off this Parents' Night

by taking a big ol' picture!

- My parents aren't here yet.

- Alright, well let's just get in position

so that when they do get here, we can snap that sucker.

Alright, let's everybody get together.

You're in the back, Cowboy. - Yeeee-haw!

- He is not what I pictured when I thought of your dad.

- Me, neither. But honestly,

I didn't even think you had parents.

- Yeah! In my mind,

you were this cool kid who lives by herself.

- In an amusement park or something.

- Yesssss!

- But I guess that dude's your dad.

- Kind of a let down...

- Yes, and I'm not just Chapa's dad.

I have ten other children and a jet.

- You have a jet?

- It's a rental. - Oh.

- Ahhhhh!

- AHHHHHHHH!!!

- No no no!

[ screams ]

- I think that was Cavekid.

- She was so cute...

- Yes, and... she's our school mascot.

- Then why did she hit you and run away?

- It's a little game we play --

hey who wants to take a tour, huh!

Yeah, great idea! Okay, you wanna take a tour?

Yeah, what a great idea!

Yeah, tour! Let's go on a little tour of the school. Not you.

Alright, right through this door there's a bunch of cool stuff

that you guys will find super interesting. Alright.

Alright, then.

We got problems.

- When did we get a mascot?

- That's not our mascot, that was Cavekid!

- Has anyone seen Cavekid?

- Yeah! You were supposed to be watching her!

- I ran out of radishes! That's all that happened!

I was not breaking my vow of no science!

Byeeee!

- News alert: Noted radish thief, Cavekid,

on the loose and smashing.

- Kid's faster than she looks. - Yeah.

- We got problems.

- Hey, a video call!

- No, no, no, wait, wait, wait--

- It's seven-oh-six and I ain't got no pics.

What gives over there? - Uhhhhh...

[ banging on the door ]

HERMAN: Hey! Let me out!

Nobody better touch my saddle!

- We got problems.

[ music ]

- Anyone lays a hand on my saddle,

they're gonna feel the Herman paddle!

- You're not gonna paddle anyone.

- Yeah, but when you rhyme

people think you mean business.

- He's rhyming -- sounds like your dad means business.

- It's seven-oh-eight and that pic is late!

- [ gasps ] She means business, too!

- We're working on it! - Well work faster, handsome!

You don't wanna hear my rhyme for seven-twenty.

- Bad-- Wi-Fi--

lagging-- Eeeeeeee!

- I can see everyone else moving!

- Byeeeee! - It's--

- Okay this is gonna sound crazy but do you guys want to

just, like, chuck everything and go to Vegas?

- That Cavekid just made it to Farmer Nate's radish fields.

- Oh good, well that solves that problem!

- Not if you're Farmer Nate.

- Gaaaahhh! - Bose's parents aren't here yet

so maybe he can go and deal with Cavekid.

- Okay, but how am I supposed to get there?

- I'll drop you off. - S'go, S'go, S'go, S'go!

RAY: Much faster.

Come on, come on, come on.

- Let's get rid, of this cavekid.

- Ooooh, okay! Now you mean business.

- Okay, we're here. Let's get this Parents' Night over with.

- Oh, come on!

- Where's Bose?

- Heeeeee's in the bathroom?

- Oh, great. See you in forty-five minutes.

- No, no, no... he went in forty minutes ago.

- Yeah. - Okay.

So what do we got here, a school?

- Yep. - Thought so.

- Look at this. This is a good lookin' saddle.

This yours?

- Nope. It's mine.

Keep your butt away from it.

- I thought you were locked in there.

- Yes, and we found an air duct.

Tight squeeze but we made it work.

- Great -- you're all here! Let's get that picture, huh.

- What picture?

- The one I'm about to take.

- Where's Miles? - Good question.

I think he went to look for you guys

right... through... here...

- Hey, what's up, Ray?

- All the parents are finally here! Hurry up and get back here

so we can take this picture! - Cool cool.

We just gotta wrap a few things up over here.

HOLOGRAM BRAINSTORM: I'm taking a stand, quit biting my hand!

HOLOGRAM CAVEKID: Radishes!

- She doesn't understand rhymes, Bose!

- Just quit screwing around and get back here!

♪ ...reach for a bowl -- a bowl of Yummies! ♪

- Yummies!

- Okay, I am outta here.

- Yeah. Me, too. Let's go, Mika.

- What about Miles? - He'll turn up.

He's been disappearing a lot lately.

- No, no, no! You guys can't leave just yet!

I gotta get a photo with everybody.

- I charge ten bucks per photo. - Fine.

- I charge a hundred. - Me, too.

- Our rate just went up, it's two hundred for the both of us.

- Guess I got a room full of models here.

- Hey, mom. Hey, Vice-Dad.

- Honey, what happened?

- Oh I hurt my leg wherever they told you I was.

- In the bathroom?

- Yeah yeah yeah it gets real slippery in there.

Hey what do you say we take that photo

so none of us have to see each other again!

- Huh? - Amen.

- Get your butts in the picture.

Schwooooz, get down here!

- I was just washing my hair!

- We all know you were science-ing, you make me sick!

Now hurry up and take this photo!

- Okay how about we do a zany one first?

- Just push the button!

- And now simply to push the but--

- Chapa? - Nooo!

- Sorry we're late honey

but you never told us it was Parents' Night.

- Aw, don't call me honey.

- These your real parents? - No?

- Of course we are.

- And we only found out about Parents' Night

because we were snooping through your stuff.

- You were snooping through my stuff?!

- Because we care! - All parents do it!

- That's true. - I do it.

- Not cool! Not cool! Why would you think--

- Alright! You all can have a family therapy session later

but right now we gotta get this picture!

- I'd like to have family therapy now

because this is the tenth time you've pretended we don't exist.

- Your fourth birthday, your fifth birthday--

- Okay, we get it, you can count.

- And you can count. On our love.

- Ew. - Bring it in Da Silvas...

- Noooo! - Wait, wait, wait,

wait a second. If these are your real parents...

then who is this guy?

- Yeah. Some actor you hired to pretend to be your dad?

- Yes and... I do my own stunts byeee!

JAKE: I will no longer be doing my own stunts.

- Okaayyyy he's gone let's get that picture!

- Chapa, what is going on?

- I can explain.

- Great, I would love to hear it.

Right after the picture. Schwoz, push the button.

- Dude, I just had another vision of the lights going out

and all of our knees hurtin'. - Keep 'em to yourself.

Your visions are trash. - You better start putting

some respect on my visions or else I'm gonna really--

ANGELA: Who turned out the lights?!

CAVEKID: Radishhhhessssss.

MILES: Everyone protect your knees!

[ banging sounds ]

RAY: Schwoz, take pics!

[ everyone screaming ]

- Well it's nine-oh-nine and this pic is fine!

- Great. Please leave us alone.

- Looks like it was a wild ride to get it

but all that matters is you're a legitimate school.

For now. - I'm hanging up.

Aw...

To the first, and hopefully last Parents' Night.

- Cheers. - Oh yeah.

- So you gonna tell us why you hired an actor to play your dad?

- Wasn't plannin' on it. - Cool cool...

but real talk though that man jumped out a window.

- Yeah do we know if he's okay?

- He said he did his own stunts but it sure didn't look like it.

- Can we not talk about this? - But why?

- Because I'm embarrassed of my parents!

Okay, they dress like dorks and they're really happy...

- They are really happy. It's kinda cute though.

- You know sometimes happiness skips a generation.

- Yeah, that happens. - That's true.

- I don't want you guys to razz me about 'em.

- Chapa, we're all ashamed of our parents.

- Really? - Yeah dude.

My dad drives a horse.

- My mom still holds my hand when we cross the street.

- My father was an irresponsible scientist.

- So you guys are all ashamed of your parents?

- Yeah. - Could not be more ashamed.

- Super ashamed. - So ashamed.

- So we shouldn't razz on each other about it.

- No, we're a team. We should act like one.

- Mmm-mm. - At least not about family,

everything else is open season. Can we start with Bose's shirt!

- Yeah. - What's with your shirt, dude?

Is it made out of a-- - It's cool.

- Is that your mom's? BOSE: My mom got it for me.

With my dad's money. - Hey, we have a little problem.

I was out science-ing with some friends

and I lost Cavekid again.

- Aww, it's okay.

I'm sure she's on her way back to Cavetown

and we've probably seen the last of her--

- Yeah.

CAVEKID: Radishessssss....

[ everyone screams ]

♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪

♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪

♪ I'm okay

♪ I'm okaaaay!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!