03x04 - Joey: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Where's the darn "down"?!



Where's the darn "down"?!


Samantha, take up basketball.


You're not supposed to slam-dunk a piano.


I've got to learn how to play this dumb thing


So I can accompany nell and daddy at the charity show.


I just finished working out my jazz routine.


See what you think of it, okay?


No, katie. Come on! Please!


Come on! You guys, come on.


Okay.


[ Michael sembello's "maniac" plays ]


Whoo-hoo!


Whoo!


Whoo! Sexy!


Really?


Hey, thanks, you guys.


Whoo! Oh, way to go!


Nell!


All right. Come on. Go!


Come on. Let's dance.


, , , .


Hey!


♪ She's a maniac, maniac...


What are you doing downstairs in your underwear?


Dad, this is the outfit I'm wearing


For your vfw charity show.


When I had pants like that, they had a trapdoor.


Licorice drops.


Leave some for me this time, will you?


What a day.


Since this morning,


I've had four auto thefts, three assaults.


Some bunco artist is cleaning up with a door-to-door scam.


Half an hour ago, three guys held up the -eleven


And stole a donkey kong.


I'm gonna fix myself some iced coffee.


And if you think you're wearing that to the vfw,


You're vfw -- very far wrong.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Yes?


Well, hello down there.


Hi!


What can I do for you?


I'm collecting for jerry's kids.


Oh, girls -- come in -- I think I'm in love.


Oh, isn't he adorable?


Anything you can give -- a dime, quarter -- anything.


I'll go see what I have. I have money in my room.


I'll get my purse out the kitchen.


Here you go, cutie.


Here. This is all I could find.


Nell just wait till you see this angel, chief.


Take a look at that. He's cute.


Yeah, I see him.


Kid...


Aren't you a little young


To be out collecting money by yourself?


Couldn't you leave me at least one licorice drop?


Where do you live?


On the other side of town.


Honey, you walked all the way over here


From the other side of town by yourself?


Yes, ma'am.


You see...


Well, what -- hey, come on. Sit down.


What is it, honey?


Nah, it's nothing.


You can tell your aunt nell.


Well, my little -year-old brother...


Mm-hmm.


...he's really one of jerry's kids.


Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.


And it's like I'm collecting for him.


[ Gasps ] oh, yeah.


And I was only gonna give you a dollar.


Here, baby, make it, uh -- make it $ . Here.


He's really sick.


Okay.


Make it $ .


Gee, thanks.


Here's a ,


Just so you know the police chief isn't cheap.


I got to go!


Hey! What's your hurry?!


My kid brother's waiting for me,


And I want to be there if he suddenly...you know.


Ohh.


I'm moved.


Oh, my god. That poor kid.


You know, chief...


This just makes you realize how lucky we are, you know?


Look, everybody...


I'm sorry if I was a little rough on you


When I came home.


That's okay, daddy.


I love you, katie.


I love you, nell.


I love you, samantha.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Look, I'm going to get rid of whoever that is at the door



So we can go back to loving each other, okay?


I-i caught the bunco artist, chief.


He's been using some phony story about jerry's kids.


You dirty crook.


Come on. This -- this runt?


Nell I don't believe that.


Honest. The kid's a real pro.


You know how many jerks in this neighborhood


Are giving him a lot of money?


♪ Gimme a break, now I know what it takes ♪


♪ I'm putting a new face on the old one ♪


♪ Ready for anything


♪ Playing with fate, not a moment too late ♪


♪ I'm showing the whole world nothing can get me down ♪


♪ O-o-o-oh


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ gimme a break


♪ 'Cause I sure need one ♪ gimme a break


♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ I finally know where I belong ♪


♪ Gimme a break!


, , , . ♪ Me and my shadow


Turn!


♪ Strolling down the aven--


Hold it, hold it. Hold it.


Chief, if you keep strolling like that,


You won't be doing it for the vfw.


You'll be doing it for the odd fellows.


This is what I do.


You want me to do it, then this is what I do.


Daddy...


You're not good.


I'm going upstairs and study.


Studying sounds like fun!


You see that?


I'm so bad, I'm driving my daughters to homework.


I'm not doing the show.


[ Doorbell rings ]


You're backing out?


All right.


If you're backing out, then I'm backing out, too.


Let's forget the whole thing.


Right. Let's forget it.


You ol' softy, you.


[ Doorbell rings ] I'm coming!


What, simpson?


Yeah, hiya, nell. Come on, kid.


What are you doing here with the kid?


You were supposed to turn him into the county juvenile office.


Well, the county juvenile office and mrs. Grossman


Is gonna be delayed a few hours.


She'll pick the kid up here.


Hey, it's jerry's kid.


Yeah, what are we gonna do with him?


You can't leave him locked up with hardened criminals.


Come here, kid. How old are you?


/ .


Oh.


Here's his personal belongings, chief.


One jackknife -- swiss.


Three marbles -- german.


And a whole pocketful of licorice drops.


I don't know where they came from.


I do.


You know, the chief is brilliant.


He could take one look at licorice drops


And right away tell you what country they came from.


Simpson?


Uh-huh?


Is there anything else?


$ In cash.


$ ?


Are you single, kid?


What's your name, kid?


He wouldn't tell me, either.


You can't get the name out of a -year-old?


What kind of cop are you?


Average.


I don't know why he wouldn't tell me his name.


I told him mine right away.


Well, look who's back.


I guess his lawyer must have sprung him.


No, he's just going to be here


Till the social worker picks him up.


Kid, now, tell me your name.


You can tell your aunt nell.


If you're my aunt, you know my name.


Look, kid. I'm the chief of police.


This is serious business. Now, what's your name?


Luke skywalker!


Now we're getting someplace.


What's so funny?


Oh, daddy. He gave you a phony name.


Now, you listen to me, you little punk.


I want your real name,


And I want it now, or I'll beat it out of you.


Maybe I should try a different tactic.



Uh, chief...


I think I understand this kid.


I'll get it out of him.


Let's go in the kitchen. Get in here!


Nell! Nell!


Stay out of this! Get in there, kid!


No! Get in here!


Just stay out of this!


What does it take to bribe you?


Got any ice cream?


I need a spoon.


Joey.


Joey what?


Got any chocolate syrup?


Joey donovan.


Hello, joey donovan. I'm nell harper.


Hi, aunt nell.


Aunt nell. [ Chuckles ]


Well, joey donovan,


Are you going to tell your aunt nell


Everything about yourself?


Got any pecans?


How can a little kid like that


Be so cute and still be so tough?


He reminds me of me when I was a kid.


I was adorable.


Hey, that must be where you get your looks, katie.


Your legs, too.


Well, I told you I could handle him.


All it took was a little love and a lot of ice cream.


What did you find out?


Well, his name is joey donovan, he's an orphan,


And he's been traveling around with his uncle,


A con man named jerry.


Jerry's kids. Jerry's kids.


Anyway, jerry left him stranded here in town.


Louse.


Chief, he didn't want to talk about it,


But he started this door-to-door thing


To get up enough money to go find this uncle.


[ Deep voice ] oh, yes.


Hello, bus station?


I'm sending my / -year-old son to chicago.


How much will that ticket be, please?


[ Normal voice ] wow! That much?!


[ Sighs ]


You got all that out of him? Nell, you're sensational.


I am, aren't i?


[ Doorbell rings ]


You know, chief,


I don't want to try to tell you how to run your job,


But I'm an expert.


You know, you just have to be open with kids


And honest, you know?


Which is a good way to get your purse stolen.


Hi, aunt nell.


I hope they throw the book at you.


Somebody give me a book.


Can I go to the kitchen?


No. Sit down and be quiet.


But I just want a glass of water.


You heard the chief. No water.


A crust of bread?


I'll get it for him.


Can't you see what the kid's doing?


He's playing on your sympathy.


He's got mine.


He's only years old.


/ !


Hey, chief, why don't you call the social worker?


That's it.


That's what?


That's why I was coming back towards here.


I got a call on the radio.


Mrs. Grossman, the social worker, can't make it.


Why not?


She's got the measles.


You're kidding.


Mrs. Grossman is very susceptible


To childhood diseases.


Last year she had the mumps.


The year before that, it was the whooping cough.


And the year before that -- simpson!


Can I have a piece of your licorice, chief?


No.


I just thought of something.


I've been around this kid a lot.


Joey, have you ever had the mumps?


Not yet.


Mumps can make an adult person sterile.


Not that it makes any difference.


I'm gonna call judge harrison at juvenile court.


Can I go to the bathroom? No.


But I got to go!


You heard the chief -- no.


Judge harrison, this is chief kanisky.


I'm sorry to bother you at home,


But I have a homeless juvenile here,


And mrs. Grossman is sick.


No, this time it's the measles.



I know a kid they wouldn't let go to the bathroom,


And he blew up like a balloon.


Okay, go upstairs. And make it quick.


All right, your honor. I'll take care of it.


Where's he going?


To let some air out of his balloon.


What did the judge say, dad?


I'm responsible for that kid until monday morning.


He's staying here all weekend?


Yeah, until the new social worker shows up.


Great. He can take over my room.


Yeah, we'll take him to the movies.


He's not leaving this house.


Uh, chief,


Maybe you're forgetting that he is just a little boy.


And maybe you're forgetting that he stole your purse,


My licorice, the money.


The money -- it's gone!


And you wanted to give him licorice.


Samantha, get that kid down here!


You're not gonna be rough on him, dad.


Yeah, he's innocent until proven guilty.


Maybe he didn't steal the money, chief.


It could have accidentally got stuck to the bottom


[Fading] of the licorice.


And he ate $ ?


Joey's not in the bathroom.


He can't have gotten far.


Will somebody get rid of these towels hanging from the --


...upstairs bathroom?


Nell, this is all your fault.


My fault?


You're the one who said we should have guest towels


In the bathroom.


[ Sighs ]


Hey, I got an idea. You stay here by the phone.


Listen --


Contrary to what your father says, joey did not lie.


He did say, "I got to go."


And when you got to go, you've got to go.


Man on p.a. ...now boarding at gate .


[ Indistinct conversations ]


San francisco arrival at gate .


All right, joey. You're coming with me.


My name's sidney!


Oh, I'm sorry.


You see, I have a friend who has a jacket like that.


Some kid traded me this jacket for my cowboy hat.


A cowboy hat?


Thank you, honey. Go play.


[ Clears throat ]


All right, cowboy.


It's time for the last roundup.


My name's sidney.


Sidney, come here.


Give me this jacket, honey.


Here's your hat. Go find your mama.


All right, mister.


Just where do you think you're going?


Chicago to see my uncle.


Everybody needs somebody.


I sure don't need you.


Well, three days with you


Ain't exactly happy days in dixieland, either.


You don't have to get mad.


Well, I don't want to get mad.


I want to help you, but you won't let me.


I tried to be nice to you, and you stole my purse.


You took $ -- give me that money.


Get up! Where's that money?


This lady's trying to rob me!


Get out of my face.


All right, let's go home. Get down.


I'll scream, and I'll tell everybody you kidnapped me.


Go right ahead.


I work for the chief of police,


And just who do you think they're gonna call, huh?


Go ahead! Put the cuffs on me!


Put me away!


Cut it out, joey! Let's go, joey.


Get off the floor!


Aunt nell!


Shh! What'd you say?


Aunt nell?


What?


Nah, you'd only get mad.


Joey...


Aunt nell won't get mad.


Aunt nell promises.


Before we leave, can I go to the bathroom?


Okay, but hurry back.


The bathroom?


So what?


What am I gonna do with this kid?


Next week on "gimme a break"... Be a good boy. Eat your chicken.


No! Please?


I'm on a hunger strike,


And I'm not going to an orphanage.


Honey, you haven't eaten all weekend.


Come on. Take one teeny-weeny bite.



Come on. Take a bite for nell, aunt nell.


Take -- aah!


You bit me,


And you drew blood, you little vampire.


♪ Gimme a break