02x13 - Julie Smokes

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Oh, gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Hey, gimme a break!


Nell?


Huh?


Want to listen to my essay?


Yeah.


Okay, hit me with it.


"The carl kanisky story.


"Glen lawn, california,


Is one town where crime does not pay."


Yeah, you have to move to washington d.c. For that.


"Even the dreaded mafia fears to raise its ugly tentacles


"Within sh**ting distance of my dad, carl kanisky,


Renowned police chief known far and wide."


Yeah, even from afar, he looks wide.


"They can run but they can't hide


"Because he searches them out and destroys them


From his helicopter in the sky."


[ Gasps ] look! Up in the sky!


It's a bird! It's a plane!


No, it's the polish pac-man.


"He sky-dives straight at them


"With his p*stol in one hand,


"His r*fle in the other hand,


And his machine g*n in the other hand."


Samantha, that's three hands.


It's m*rder when he spanks you.


Sam, listen.


Police work is dull,


Ordinary, boring,


Stupid.


That's why your father is so good at it.


Now, look.


How would you like to go down to the police station today?


Why?


Well, I think it's time you learn the difference


Between the stupid things you see cops do on television


And the stupid things your father does at the station.


Come on.


[ Hispanic accent ] I want to see the man!


Let me go! Let me go!


Ow!


This is a false arrest,


With also police brutality!


Halt!


Also, you are breaking the fifth amendment!


And you are breaking my arm, josie.


Jose!


You got to learn to speak better english.


All right, just take it easy, will you?


Calm-o down-o.


What's all the fuss?


I'm arresting this guy


For destroying private property.


He tore the plumbing out of a domicile


Of one irwin j. Swackhammer.


The customer didn't pay my bill!


We seized the evidence, chief.


Hey, bring that in here, huh?


That's just we needed, simpson --


A little touch of home.


Don't touch the seat. There could be prints on it.


Come on, josie. You sit down right here.


And try to get a choke hold on your emotions, huh?


Simpson, what are you doing?


Can't you see there's an innocent kid here?


Samantha, do your homework in my office.


Get off that.


Oh! I'm sorry, chief.


I didn't mean to sit on the evidence.


Get that thing out of sight.


Get that out of sight!


Uh, let's see what we got here.


"Nature of stolen article."


Potty.


P...


O...


T...


Hey, could you move it, huh?


I mean, I'm not here on a life sentence.


What's your name?


Jose reginaldo echevaria.


Do you type?



No, man, I got a secretary.


Well, I guess it's up to me.


Oh, they always get stuck, these things.


Hey, wait a minute. Take it easy, huh?


Let me do that for you.


You're gonna mess up your little blue suit.


Thanks.


Hey, how come you perpetrated the alleged crime, anyhow?


Well, you see, it's like this.


This man, he calls me up on the phone.


He wants me to install a toilet.


So I put in a top-of-the-line comfort commode


With a non-stick seat.


The kind that doesn't leave a ring around you.


But then he wouldn't pay me,


So I took back my merchandise.


Am I right?


I don't know, josie.


Better leave that up to the judge.


I mean, you took the law into your own hands,


Not to mention the toilet.


Ma'am, please. Just take it easy.


We're going to have men over there on the double.


Chief, listen, we got trouble at burkhardt's supermarket.


There's a missing child, a -year-old little girl,


From a shopping cart.


All right, dispatch all cars in the area to the market


And get out a description of the kid in a hurry.


Looks like a snatch, dad. Better put out an a.p.b.


Thank you for your help, samantha.


You better go back in the office and finish your essay, huh?


And put out an a.p.b.


Sure, chief.


All cars in vicinity proceed to burkhardt's market.


We got a .


We'll get you a description as soon as we can.


I demand to see the captain or the colonel or whoever.


I'm the whoever. What's your problem?


I want to file a complaint against my dentist.


What for?


He took advantage of me


When I didn't know he was taking advantage of me.


And now I'm pregnant.


Well, how could that happen?


I take it you don't have any children.


Yes, he does.


Don't listen, samantha!


Okay.


I'll just keep on believing that the stork brought me.


Good girl.


Now stay in there.


Stay.


Look, I'm a little puzzled.


How could that happen in a dentist's office?


I was under the anesthetic,


What they call "laughing gas"?


You mean you slept through the whole thing?


Yeah, except when I woke up,


He was the one who was smiling.


Aprua, would you take down this lady's complaint?


This officer will take care of you.


Have a seat.


Say, chief. Chief.


This is mrs. Brandt, the missing child's mother.


[ Crying ] who'd do this? Who'd take my baby?


Come on in my office, will you, mrs. Brandt?


Samantha, out.


But you told me to stay.


I meant "stay out."


What are we going to do?


We'll find your baby, mrs. Brandt.


Why don't you sit down, huh?


Have you notified the father?


Yeah, he's on the way.


Where did you last see the child?


She was sitting in my shopping cart,


And I went to weigh some potatoes.


I turned my back for maybe a minute,


And I come back and she's gone!


Who'd do this? Why?


You got a picture of the baby?


Yeah, she had this one in her purse.


It was taken last february.


Now I'll probably never see her again.


Oh, mrs. Brandt, don't talk like that.


We've got people questioning the personnel


In the supermarket,


We've got cars scouring the neighborhood --


You'll find my baby.


We'll do our best, absolutely.


Here, you better get this on the telex,


And notify all the radio and tv stations.


Yes, sir.


Mr. Simpson?


I am irwin swackhammer --


A citizen, a taxpayer, and toilet-owner.


I'm here to demand the return of my property.


Not till you pay your bill, mr. Sockhammer!


That's "swackhammer."


I'm really sorry, mr. Jackhammer.



Your throne is exhibit "a."


Let that be a lesson to you, mr. Hamsucker.


Imagine a plumber who installs your commode


So instead of flushing down, it flushes up.


So?


Now you got the only fountain in the neighborhood, bubbellah.


Samantha, what did I tell you, huh?


Now, get your ears back to my office.


[ Both talking at once ]


What's the problem, huh?


Chief, this citizen has a complaint.


Well, take down his complaint. Gee.


More typing.


Park it.


Can you describe the missing item?


I don't have to describe it.


It is sitting right out there in the hall.


Oh, yeah.


Round with a hole in it.


Just like your head.


I'm leonard brandt. It's my kid that's missing.


I'm chief kanisky. Your wife is in my office.


Thank you.


Oh, len, it was awful!


Samantha.


I know, out.


How did this happen? Weren't you watching her?


I left her for a minute, one minute!


One minute?


That's plenty of time for some nut to grab a kid.


The kid was conceived in one minute.


Would you quit yelling? I can't watch her every second.


You've got to!


There's nuts all over the place --


Freaks everywhere.


I saw one on my way over here -- a cop carrying a toilet.


[ Intercom buzzes ]


Maybe that's about the baby.


Yeah?


Hilda chief, I've got an armed robbery in progress


At the speedy shoe repair, but all the cars are tied up.


Who's closest?


Well, you got four black-and-whites


At the supermarket looking for the little girl.


You better pull one off.


Yes, sir.


Wait a minute.


You're taking a car off the search


For my little girl because of a lousy shoe-repair shop?


Mr. Brandt, I have to.


But that's crazy.


Look, I've got a whole city to take care of.


Too bad -- that's not my problem.


Look, we're doing all we can to find your little girl,


But I've got a job to do and I'm going to do it.


I'm warning you, chief.


If anything happens to my little girl,


I'll see that you fry in hell.


What's going on, chief? I mean, no leads?


Hasn't anybody seen anything?


What are you people doing, anyway?


The best we can.


Okay, how pregnant are you?


About three months.


Well, how come you waited so long to report it?


Well, the rabbit just died now.


What from, old age?


Maybe he was sick for a long time.


Come on in my office a minute.


It's a little more private in here.


I thought it might be a little easier for you to open up.


You're not a dentist, are you?


No, I'm an animal lover,


And I happen to know that it's been years


Since they used rabbits for pregnancy tests.


So it was a mouse or a goat. Who cares?


Are you trying to tell me I'm not pregnant?


You're just like my boyfriend.


Boyfriend?


For two months he's been trying to tell me


It's only gas.


Well, you know, I feel sorry for that dentist.


When he gets to jail and they find out he's a r*pist,


They'll take his eyeteeth out...


Through his ear.


I don't even want to think about that.


Well, that's what's going to happen


If you press that phony complaint of yours.


What do you mean, phony? I-i swear --


I wouldn't if I were you.


You know, it's a very serious offense


To file a false claim.


You know what I see here?


A scared little girl gets pregnant,


Terrified of her parents, makes up some cockamamie story


So she and her boyfriend won't get blamed.


[ Intercom buzzes ]


Yeah, hilda?


Chief, car just reported in from speedy shoe repair.


The holdup man got away, the owner's in shock,



And they can't stop the burglar alarm.


The good news is your shoes will be ready tuesday.


Thank you, hilda.


Well?


Look, you don't know my father.


He'll k*ll me if he finds out. He's tough.


Yeah? Really tough, huh?


Well, take a look at this face.


You think he's a tougher nut than me?


It's kind of hard to say.


He sort of looks like a buffalo,


And you sort of look like a rhinoceros.


Thank you.


You see, I got a daughter about your age,


And I know that if she ever got in trouble,


I'd want her to tell me.


I can't tell him. I just can't tell him.


I'd like to, but I can't.


Want me to tell him for you?


Would you?


He wouldn't spank a cop.


All right.


Hey, watch that stuff now.


You know, police officers


Are not supposed to accept gratuities.


Thanks again, chief.


Oh, chief, have you heard anything about my baby yet?


Nothing new, mr. Brandt, I'm sorry.


Sergeant!


I want to talk to you.


What's your problem now?


I've consulted a lawyer,


And he advises me that you are holding


My sanitary facility illegally.


If you don't give it back, I can sue for personal injury.


What injury?


A dog bit me when I was using his tree.


All right, the coffee machine is now working.


You can put in the quarter now.


Go on.


Yeah.


Aah!


Free coffee!


Will somebody get something to catch the coffee in?!


I'll do it, chief.


Get away.


Mrs. Brandt I'm just gonna wipe it off.


Len, it's all right.


Good work, simpson.


You call this a police station? It's a joke!


It's a damn joke!


And this damn machine is worse than all of you!


You can't do anything, anything!


Mr. Brandt, mr. Brandt.


Listen, don't -- you're taking this out on yourself,


For god's sake.


I mean, you've done all you can.


You just got to hang in there.


We'll find your little girl.


[ Sobbing ] I'm sorry. I'm sorry.


I don't know what I'm doing anymore.


It's all right. It's all right.


Excuse me?


I think you're looking for this baby?


Oh, it's my baby!


Oh, my god, alicia, sweetheart! Is she all right?


All right, sweetie. All right, baby.


She hasn't been harmed. She's been fed.


She's really all right.


Where did you find the baby?


Uh, this is sharon, my daughter.


Sh-she found the baby.


In the market?


In the shopping cart?


Uh, i-i have to explain to you.


See, sharon isn't -- sh-she's not like most girls.


Since the auto accident, she's a little strange.


Did she take the baby?


Yes.


You little monster!


Do you know what you've done to me and my wife?


Want me to book her, chief?


No, no, no, no. Take them into my office.


[ Alicia crying ]


You're not going to arrest her?


She's a kidnapper. She ought to get life.


[ Crying stops ]


Hi, everybody.


Oh, nell! You should have been here!


Dad was great!


What'd he do, pin the tail on simpson?


No, see, first he helped this girl get pregnant.


Well, that's what I call serving the public.


Sharon?


I want to ask you a question.


Why did you take that baby?


'Cause she was beautiful.


She's always playing with dolls and things.


See, she doesn't have a lot of friends.


But, sharon, that baby doesn't belong to you.



You can't go around taking other people's babies.


She knows that now, don't you, honey?


She was so pretty.


She was so pretty.


Mom, I'm scared!


What's going on in here, chief? Come on.


Chief, look, just get the papers.


I want to press charges, take my wife and kid, and go home.


Look, mr. Brandt, you heard that woman.


The girl is strange. She's -- she's had an accident.


Don't you understand?


So what?


Does that give her the right to take the kid?


She ought to be put in jail.


Jail's not going to do anything for that girl, mr. Brandt.


I'm going to turn her over to the juvenile authorities.


They'll get a psychiatrist so she'll get some help.


Oh, yeah, brilliant, sure. Take a psychiatric exam, right.


Five minutes later,


She'll be back on the street again doing the same thing.


You know what, mister? You stink.


You stink, with that little pea brain


In that balloon head.


You're lucky your ears don't deflate.


Put a plug in it, gas bag.


This here is a good man.


Don't nobody talk to him that way.


Nobody!


Nell, nell. What?


Let me handle this.


Oh, jump back, jack, I'm talking.


Hey, wait a second. Wait a minute here.


Just who the hell are you, anyway?


Loni anderson.


Who the hell do you think you are?


You come in here moaning and groaning


About losing your kid, then get your kid,


Now you want to take somebody else's kid.


Hey, people are treating me like I'm the criminal.


All right, quiet! Everybody!


Now, mr. Brandt, in this country,


Every day kids are missing and never found again.


Now, you got yours back. Go home and enjoy her.


Come on, honey. Come on. Let's get out of here.


Thank you.


Dad? Are you okay?


Yeah, it's been a long day.


What do you say I finish up here


And we go buy you a malted, huh?


Well, if you really need one.


But I'd just as soon get home.


I've got a lot of rewriting to do on my essay.


Okay, professor.


Hey, chief?


We still got this commode full of coffee.


Well, what do you suggest we do with it?


Why don't you dunk your doughnuts in it?