Love Me If You Dare (2003)

[bunniefuu]

Child's Play

I like jacks, Monopoly,

but only when I'm banker.

I love marbles. I always win.

Snakes and ladders is dumb.

But less than checkers,
Rubik's cube and puzzle blocks.

Riddles aren't my thing.

Yam's, patience,
hopscotch, they're okay.

Tag's alright,
but that's about it.

Yet there's one game
you must never play.

And I mean never!

Even if your
best buddy wants you to.

And that's burying yourself
in a block of cement!

This game started
with a pretty house.

A pretty bus with no driver.

A pretty box...

and a pretty girlfriend.

No, in fact, I'm wrong.

It began a little earlier

with a disgusting,
meaningless word, like...

Metastasis!

Sure! Why not "mammoth"
while you're at it?

And, it made Mommy cry.

Anyway, doctors suck.

Their words suck.

Their trousers suck.

So what could
they know about moms?

And then,
there are other nasty words.

Like, "Kowalsky".

Don't ask.
It means nothing either.

Kowalsky and also... Polack!

And... Dirty Polack!

Not forgetting... Polack!
Brassneck!

But all that means
pretty much the same:

It means:
"I hurt, like nothing on Earth,

Mars, or even Altair IV!"

You like it, eh?

Me too, I find it pretty.

Let me see.

It's a treasure? A real one?

I've never seen such
a pretty merry-go-round, ever!

Maybe on Altair IV,
but not on Earth.

I have.

Where? A real
merry-go-round? It really exists?

Yes, my angel, here...

and here.

And here too!

Julien, take the bus today,
I've to stay with your mom.

Off you go, my Ju-Ju...

Mom, Mom...

Your treasure!

Keep it.
My only treasure is you.

Dirty Polack!

Sophie?

Must be mistaken,
I'm Dirty Polack.

Sophie had nothing
precious that day either.

So, I had to share.

You'll lend it sometimes?

Give and take back.

You really want it, prove it.

Game or not?

That was it!

I think that's
how it all really began.

My bus!

My bus!

Game!

What did you do?

What did you do?
Answer me!

Nothing!
Don't let him hit me!

He won't! Stop!

You've no right!

You shut up!

Answer me!

Don't let him hit me!

He won't! Game!

Don't, you've no right!

Stop! Be quiet!

Thinking about it,
Dad never did like Sophie much,

right from the start.

The game just fell into place.

If Sophie had the box

I'd do her every dare.

Then I'd get the box back,

and give her a dare.

Dead simple.

And great fun, no?

A game for morons?

Maybe so,

but it was our game.

One times seven!

Two times seven!

Three times seven!
21.

Four times seven!
28.

Five times seven!
Thirty-five!

Six times seven!
Forty-two!

Seven times seven!
Forty-nine!

With the letter "A",

common nouns
beginning with "A"?

An animals.

Animals!

An animal, two animals!

Anybody else? Sylvie?

Apricot!

Very good, apricots!

Now, "B"...

Nouns beginning with "B"?

Yes, Sophie?

"B" for...

"Big-d*ck", "bonk"...

Sophie!

"B" for "beat the beaver",
"bordello"...

"ba*ls"..."blow-job"...

Enough!

"Bug-eyed baboon"...

"Bitchbag"...

"Beat it bitchbag!"

Think you're funny, miss?
What language!

I'm giving you zero,
"Z" for "zero"!

We'll see if the principal

thinks it's funny.

Julien! What's going on?

To the principal's
with Sophie!

"b*ner".

What?

"B" for "b*ner".

Didn't have time!

Discipline!

Discipline is the mother
of respect.

Without respect,
it's the end of civilization.

The decay of the
fundaments of the city.

Loutocracy!

And all thanks to who?

Miss Kowalsky and
Mr. Janvier, eh?

Game.

Sorry, Mr. Janvier?

If it's of interest,
pray tell me.

What half-baked idea
crossed your sickly brain

to dare interrupt me?

You surely imagine,
Mr. Janvier...

It was a great game,

only no one found it funny.

Separate them!

Separate them, Miss!

Separate us?

They were never
game for that!

Mr. Janvier...

Come join your comrade,
Miss Kowalsky.

Great minds think alike, no?

Know the meaning of the
word punishment?

What future will
she have if you don't

inculcate a minimum of
education?

Hey, I'm not her mother!

Vulgarity is not
on the curriculum

of the Academy,
Miss Kowalsky.

So I must, once again,
summon your parents.

Our parents don't
speak French.

For them, "d*ck" means
"hammer".

Anything else?

And you won't know
what's hit you!

You're deprived of dessert,
outings, TV...

No more sweets,

no more comics,

and no more light
in the corridor!

Now, go get your coat.

That's enough!

Cool, you too!

Straight to your room!
Julien, don't wake your mom!

Mom!

We ate this neat thing
n the canteen!

You stayed in bed all day?
Lucky you!

No!

I had dictation!

Listen, Julien...

A doctor came today.

I'd five mistakes.
And guess what?

Ju-Ju, be nice, I...

I got 10 in recitation.
Wanna hear it?

And I did something
really silly.

Friends are like specs.

They make you look clever,
but get scratched,

and you tire.

Luckily, sometimes,
you hit on far-out specs.

Me...

I've got Sophie.

Now, words beginning
with "A".

Aardvark...
Good.

Austria.
Very good.

a*s... Altair IV.

Continue.

Game or not?

Game!

I'm giving you a zero,
you hear?

To the principal!

Discipline!

Forever discipline!

Don't say I didn't tell you!

This time
you're being warned!

You can kiss Eden goodbye!
Now sparks will really fly!

You, my dear,

in pain hall you bring forth
children, wear high heels,

undergo diets, exfoliation,
face-lifts,

and what's more,

you'll have to cook!

And that's not all!

For you, my boy,

I've reserved the worst,

scourges and torments,
dinosaurs and volcanoes!

Godzilla, the A-b*mb,
Liz Taylor, Hitler, dead Indians,

noisy washing machines,
oil-slicks,

but above all...

moms, pretty and ill.

...And that way,
lives a March Hare.

Visit either you like,
they're both mad.

But I don't want to go
among the mad, Alice remarked.

Oh you can't help that,
said the cat,

we're all mad here.

I'm mad, you're mad.

Mom...

you going to die?

I don't read well?

Are you going to die?

Yes. Like everybody.

Is it because of me?

'Cos I do silly things?

Here, ask me to do
something intelligent,

I swear I will.

I'm game.

Be quiet.

Not for that.

Block your ears.
Hard, harder.

Hear how I love you?

Nothing else matters.

Where were we?

Sophie can write with
her teeth, that matters!

It seems neither Alice,
nor your mother

interest you
as much as Sophie.

So... With her teeth. Easy!

And how about
with her ears?

Can you? And flick spiders
into the mashed-potato?

And rope-climb,
blind-folded?

A glass on your head?

Don't believe you!

Think you're
the first to play dares?

Good night.

Mom!

What's the
craziest thing you ever did?

Flew.

Flew?

Flew where?

Across the sky.

Show me, come on, Fly, fly!

Game!

Later.

When?

Soon.

I promise.

The idea of reading
him a story!

In your condition!
It's you who should be in bed.

Mom!

Am I still real punished?

Or just a little?

It's just that...

Sophie invited me
to her sister's wedding.

Don't go!

Shh...

Her dress is awful!

So is her guy!

Anyway, if I wed one day...

You'll say no on the altar?

Game!

What'll you be
when you grow up?

A tyrant!

A tyrant!
Your people subjugated?

Totally!

With a harem,
sl*ves and t*rture every Thursday!

Cool!

And you?

Well, I... No, it's too silly.

Tell me!

You won't like it.

I told you. Tell me!

I'd like to be a flan.

A flan with apricots,
or even plain.

Lukewarm, at the baker's.
In the window.

A flan?

As in cake?

Of course! What else?

A flan is a flan!

A flan...

Yeah, of course, a flan!

That's brilliant!

Game or not?

Game...

Not bad.

Not bad?

That's why men
earn more than women?

Good workers
have good tools.

My turn.
Show me your fanny.

No, that was my dare,

you're not allowed copy.

Game or not?

Game!

That's it?

Can't see a thing!

See, women are
smarter than men.

It's easier to just be friends.

Pull the cloth.
Game!

Now you. Harder!
Game!

Julien,
I looked all over for you.

My teacher was ill...

Tell me later, come on.

Mom!

My Julien...
My brave boy.

You'll get better!

You'll get better?

Game or not?

You don't have the box,
darling. It's not your turn to dare.

I'll go get it!

Stay, Julien.

Kiss your mother.

I'll go later, then you'll
show me how you fly.

What're you doing here?

Me?

Leave me,
you can't understand.

Sure...
I'm only good for playing.

Hop for the next hour!
Game or not?

I hope two and
Mom gets better.

I hope three, and she
comes home for my birthday.

Four, and she's home
tonight, totally better.

Mom!

Hello,

I'm Julien's dad.

Are you Sophie's mom?

Her sister...

I'd like to... Could...

Sophie sleep over... tonight?

You asleep?

Officially, yes.

It's rumored that you let on.

Yes, so I read in Paris Match.
Pure gossip.

Now, goodnight.

Tomorrow,
can I sleep over at your place?

Can I?

No, never!

You must never
come to my place, promise!

Why not? It'd be...

Promise!

Okay, then.

Goodnight.

That's how you
get bad habits.

I don't mean breaking cups.

That's kinda fun!

I mean sleeping.

Sophie and me,
we slept ten years that night.

And in the morning,
the serious stuff began.

And in the morning,
the serious stuff began.

sh*t and damn!

What's the time? Exam time!

What exam?

Math.

You'll fail.

I told you, I hate that!

Hey, watch it!

You're sick!

The feathers...

Julien...

What's all that noise?

Open up!

sh*t and double damn...

Open, or I'll come in!

Gimme that.

Game or not?

No, not this morning.

I've butterflies as it is.

What if this morning,

Sophie were to wear the bra?

Miss Kawasaky?

Kowalsky,
Sophie Kowalsky.

The rules of
the game hadn't changed.

What was called
teasing as kids

might now be
called perversion.

Perversion?

It's a matter of taste,
like Chinese food.

You like it, or don't.

Only if you're Chinese,
you've no choice.

I'm Julien.
And I'm take a hike!

Life for me was like

playing Beethoven's 5th

with fingernails
on a blackboard.

Miss Kavasky!

Vectorial functions?

So, V1 by V2 is equal to
the product of their modules

multiplied by the cosine of
the angle of their two bodies.

You seem well up
on vectorial functions.

Tell me if I'm wrong

Miss Kavasky!

Your vector is defined
by an origin,

but above all by size
in vectorial space.

Some vectorial spaces
are hotter than others.

Care to develop
your theory with me?

It could be exponential.

You usually revise alone?

Can go deaf, you know.

The solution of
sub-function delta

if you please, Miss Kavasky.

Kowalsky!

Minus 3m squared,
minus 2m, plus 1.

Miss Kavasky...

I didn't authorize you
to leave!

Fx with two distinct roots
if m is between -1 and 1/3.

Gotta go, that's my sister.

You jerk.
Louder, I'm deaf.

It worked, no? I did it!

What's with you?

Did what?
Except suck up to that chick!

Don't you see?
The examiner had the wrong name.

I fiddled the roll.

For her you're Kawasaky.

Super, Einstein!

But try fiddling the results.

Kowalsky's absent,
I get zero!

But it was fun, no?

A gas!

A 20-minute firing squad,

all eyes on my bra!

But what do you care!

Your sugar-lumps.

Don't even know the chick!

I was just passing time.

She's lousy in math.

Aur? lie Miller, a total bimbo!

Her twin claim to fame:

she laid Igor, the gym coach

and she's got
really wild earrings.

Now you know all.

Jealous?

Me?

Yeah, you!

Lay all the sluts you like!

I just wanna pass,
despite this!

Hey! You are jealous.

Just drop it!

As for Aur? lie Miller,
you have my blessing.

Hear she f*ck great.

Not much she hasn't.

Stop, Sophie.

I mean,
why deprive yourself?

Just bring me
back her earrings. Game?

Miss Miller! Aur? lie Miller?

Got a boyfriend?

Yeah.

Now you have two!

And is she really your sister?

She sent me.

Well, beat it!
Or I'll scream the place down.

Yes, what is it?

Cute place you got.

I've shitty taste,
that's why I like you.

Miller Aur? lie?
Still no sign?

Wait.

I gotta go!

When do we meet again?

Last term.

Aur? lie, I beg you.
Give me your earrings.

They reflect
your golden hair,

yet pale before your breasts.

Abandon your numbed
sl*ve to their contemplation.

You're weird!

Really crazy.

Now be nice, let me go.

We've revised our functions,

let's not get linear.

That's not like us.

Believe in love at first sight?

Yeah...

Naive!

Aur? lie Miller: "Failed".

That's docked from my pay!

So? I don't like blondes.

You did it! You b*stard!

Tyrant.

Now Aur?
lie Miller has nothing.

Except Igor,

the gym coach,
biceps bigger than his brain.

I already f*cked him.

So how big is his biceps?

As big as your IQ.

You're into that yeti?

As second choice, yeah!

What do you mean,
second choice?

Who's first choice?

Your turn.

Your turn, quick!

Beat it, twerp!

Easy, Igor.

Heard of crazy wagers?
Blaise Pascal?

Seems not.

You're nuts!

Game!

Beat it!

Maybe that's enough.

Go kick him in the ba*ls.

Say you're sorry!

Come on, it was fun!

Say you're sorry!

Not game, don't do!

Look, I'm in this state

'cos I'm game for anything!

Now apologize!

Go whistle for it, if you can.

Gimme the box!

Kiss me.

Game?

Game!

I said kiss me.

Are you off your rockers?

Get off my car!

Get down, I said!

They're totally mad!

Get down! You hear?

Bloody idiots!

Hold me.

Love me.

Game!

For you this is a game?

No, a wager...
You threw it out.

Well if I did,
you didn't catch it.

Poor jerk,
you'll miss your bus.

It was time to grow up.

As a kid
you think it happens gently.

My eye!

It whips you,

like a branch on the rebound,

or when your father says:
"It's over, Julien!"

Playtime's over.

You've an exam in two
months. Remember? An exam!

So don't mess up,
or you'll mess with me.

Hey, Dad!
It's no big deal. Be Zen!

Zen!

You little sh*t!
Think I'm not Zen enough?

Your games k*lled
the woman I loved

who you may recall
was your mother!

That's gross!
I didn't k*ll Mom.

Indeed.

We agree,
a guy not Zen is pretty gross,

to the point of
rearing you alone!

You b*stard, I didn't k*ll her!

Yes, a b*stard,

"game" to break
his son's face,

but not to accept
that Miss Polack Kowalsky

poison the life out of him.

To the point
that we never talk

unless your girlfriend
has a wager on me.

You choose.

It's her or me, so...

Game... or not?

Hi, Julien.

Looking for Sophie?
She's not in.

What do you want?

I told you never
to come here.

Happy now, you've seen?

Brought the peanuts?

You promised, we wagered.

Who cares? Listen...

I care!

I'm packing it in.

Sorry, I didn't know.

"Sorry",
that changes everything.

Listen, let's just up and go.

Go where?

Daddy's house?

Stuff your pity,

Prince Charming! You go!

Sophie, forgive me.

Beat it!

Game or not?

Beat it!

To forgive me.

One of the toughest dares
I'd ever given Sophie.

But she never liked things
easy, it took her time,

maybe a whit too much.

Meanwhile my dad's
bluntness had gotten to me.

Hello...

Is Julien in?

Please, Mr. Janvier...

I've come to see Julien.

Is he there?

Julien? Can you hear me?

Not a word,
it's for me to speak.

You missed me?
'Cos I missed you.

You're a real tyrant.
It's so hard to be mad at you.

But don't kid yourself,
I still am.

I wanted to talk,
forgetting the game,

just for once.

Like my dress?

I hesitated.
Nabbed it off my sister.

She has another red one,
like a thermonuclear warhead...

That's the
one should've worn.

I must've spent, I dunno,
3 hours before the mirror.

But I got there, see?
I'm pretty.

So, like it or I'll k*ll you!

No, wait...

Where was I?

The problem is, that...

even if you said
"I love it" 'd not believe you.

Julien, I no longer know
hen you're playing or not.

I'm lost.

Wait, I'm not finished.

Tell me you love me.

Tell me, because if I tell you first

I'm afraid
you'll think it's a game.

Save me, I beg of you...

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

Come to revise?

You got it!

Not now, please

When, then? Tomorrow?

In a year. I'm sorry.

Spare me your "sorrys"!

Urbanism!

So you're big into it?

Just remember,

low-cost housing,
that's my thing.

We never did
speak bout the future.

I mean, both our futures.

"Both our futures"?

Funny,
I'd have said "our future".

But then I only live for now.

I guess...

I saw us going on
like this years.

What a fool!

Off you go! Pass your exam.

Game or not?

I'm sorry...

"I'm sorry, Sophie"...Sure.

In fact,
we did talk about the future

once...

and weren't too far wrong:

You're becoming a tyrant,
and me a flan.

Stay.

No, don't want to delay you.

Stop your nonsense.

Go work, it's no problem.
I've exams to pass too.

I'm studying men.

So you're taking sociology!
Neat!

Not humans, men.

Males, guys.
I've a lot of catching up to do.

Well, this is a library

no better place to learn.

Game?
Game!

Stop! It's not on.

Quit it!

Why? It was just a dare.

I'll go study.
See you in a year.

Yes?

You know what I wanna say...

No, I don't. Say it!

It's not easy.

Can't it wait a year?

Here! Study with care.

Trying to hurt me?

Don't be a fool,
you never could.

You'll wait for me?

Is that a dare?

No.

Then, you'll see.

Sophie, I love you!

I love you! Get off!

What an idiot!

Look at him on his bench,

wheezing as
an excuse or grimacing!

Excuses!

Wouldn't it be easier
to go take her in your arms,

whisper words of love,
words of every day?

While at the very sight
of her, your heart misses a beat.

Hey, I'm talking to you!
You hear me?

Of course you do.
That's just it.

What a total idiot!

And his troubles
have only begun.

Yes?

Got an evening dress?

Not even an evening.

They're on me.

I've something
important to ask you.

What'll it be?

A coffee and...

And that's it.

Can we talk?

No.

Sorry, but we never
hit it off n certain things.

Silly little things...

Like your shoes.

My shoes?

Yeah... You look a right prat
in your Doc's and pressed pants.

It's such an eyeful,
I can't even listen.

Here, it's on the house.

I can't just take them off.

Up to you.
You wanted to talk.

On Mondays I finish at 7.

Come by later.

Okay. No.

In fact,
I've got my singing lesson.

You sing?

This isn't my life,

it's just a job.

I guess it doesn't
fit our saving hero image,

but these past years,
I have lived!

I'd no idea.

Glad to hear
you're taking lessons.

Want to be a singer?

That's you all over,
profitability!

Lessons equals
singing career!

Like giving $10 to the
starving means you're Mother Theresa!

I said I wouldn't talk
and here I am bullshitting!

Your shoes,
your pants, they put me off.

Now let me work.

Hi.

Hello.

Okay?

Fine, and you?

Fine.

So, can I ask you
to dinner now?

No.

Where are you going?

Ask less, get more answers.

You said you finish
at 7 on Mondays!

Today's Tuesday.

Wait...

Never seen such a jam!

A truck doing a U-turn...

Got someone?

What?

In your life?

In my bed, you mean.

Why do you ask that?

No reason.

Just head-on dialectic
on the state of the heart.

Head-on dialectic!

Don't we say "conversation"?

So, you're in love?

You don't have to
answer that.

I've no one in my bed,

if you're wondering.

No one I can't change
with the sheets.

He's a footballer,

his name's
Sergei Nimov-Nemovich.

Or was,
ditched him this morning.

How could you
date a name like that?

I was sick of naming dates.

And since this morning?

Apart from Sergei?

Greg, his buddy,
Jerome, his father,

a Fran? ois,
a couple of Kevins,

Cinderella's prince,

the robots from Star Wars,

nothing too serious,
a heart up for grabs!

Chic restaurant, champagne!

You do things well,
swear you were coming on to me.

Seems so unlikely?

See that girl?

She's wearing
the same dress I did last time.

How long ago was that?
Four years?

I saw.

Doesn't suit her.
A real blob!

Did I look that dumb in it?

Don't say that,
you don't know her.

You neither, so what matter?

What brings you?
Got your diploma?

No, my diploma was
pure chronology...

To us... to the present,

to what I have to say.

I've been waiting for years.

To talk about what?

Me!

You?

That's all you ever did.

Then, let's say...
about my heart.

Sophie, I'm in love.

In love? Just like that?

No, not like that.

It's been years.

Years of silence.

I want to get married.

Do you agree?

What are you asking?
Am I game?

Remember
at my sister's wedding,

when I asked you
to say "no",

you said "game".

What do you say today?

You really want to?

For that, I need you.

Sure, can't marry by yourself.

I'm entrusting
them to you until the ceremony.

Listen...

Do you agree?

She agrees. She agrees!

She agrees!

You'll be my witness.

Thanks, Sophie.

Meet my fianc?e,

Christelle. Pretty, no?

No!

That same dress,

I bought it for her.

Remember?

You said
I could never hurt you.

I can!

It's yours. Now we're quits.

Introduce us.

Christelle, Sophie...

My future, my past.

Rise, my children.

You will
now exchange your vows.

Christelle, my child...
Christelle Louise Bouchard,

you wished to
exchange vows

in the house of the Lord...

Christelle,

do you take as
husband Julien Antoine Janvier,

to love and to cherish,
till death you do part?

Yes, I do.

And you, my boy,
Julien Antoine Janvier,

do you take as wife
Christelle Louise Bouchard,

to love and to cherish,
till death you do part?

Wake up, my boy,
your fianc?e is waiting.

Do you take
Christelle Louise Bouchard as...

Yes.

I take Christelle as wife.

Good, so my children,

if any know of a reason...

I do! I oppose this marriage.

Julien is engaged to me.

When will
she leave us in peace!

Get her out of here!

Julien, tell them!
Game or not?

Just go!

Julien!

You've got a real problem.

Your mother died

and left you in Oedipus.

You never f*cked mom,
never k*lled dad.

And now at 25
you're begging instead of living.

Stop, Dad, stop!

Yes, I'll stop!

The whole damn lot!

Look at me,
Julien. And look well.

It's the last time
you'll see me.

You pissed me about
once too often, now it's over.

Over! The game,
the humiliation.

From now on,
you don't exist!

You're out of my life.

Don't mind her,
it's a childish game.

What a b*tch!

What a prize b*tch!

A first rate soul mate.

Isn't she just superb?

Ever ready to
get splattered by a train.

It was just a joke!
A kids' dare!

Julien!

I mean, what's a wedding?
But fancy suits and champagne.

Just freeze the petit-fours
and foil-wrap the foie gras.

I already did.
You can eat it next week.

You love each other,
that's what matters.

Julien, you hear me?

Next time I can be
a real witness.

I'll behave, I swear.

I won't spit, honest.

What's that?

Can I move?

Say "stop"!
Don't mess around!

Go to hell!

Okay. But you come with me.

We don't meet for ten years.

Game!

Not a word, Sergei.

Game...

What?

Nothing

So, how's that
First Division offer shaping up?

Dunno, didn't call yet.

Okay, then we'd better stop
getting back together again.

Ditch me every week,

and I give a discount.

I'm sick of living cheap.

It's your ball.

I won't spend my life
with a foot-dragger.

Think you'll keep me with

your crap apartment
and two-bit wages?

I'll make money.

No, you don't get it.

Not just money,
I want the jackpot, the bonanza!

The Friday
the 13th super sweepstake!

I'm at least worth that?

You sure are.

Game,
set and match, Sophie.

Nothing could've been worse.

Nothing...

Nothing for 10 years.

Nothing for
3652 days and 3653 nights.

The match was over,
the games, the spice of my life.

I wandered through it
like in a Racine tragedy.

Hermione, for guys:

Where am I, what done,

and my future hours?

What transport grips me,
what woe devours?

May I not know
if I do love or hate?

Sophie me did bait,
flay me and slay me,

f*ck me, chuck me,
and other silly rhymes...

And I ended up thinking
in the past,

resigning myself
to a bland existence...

Love, family, work,

the satellite dish.

Pure Racine!

Julien! The bin!

Julien! The garbage!

Julien! A kiss!

Julien... Children!

There you go.

What's the present for?

Not a word.

It's for
Mommy's wedding anniversary.

Can you keep a secret?

A dinosaur secret.

A spy secret. Or how about...

Ectoplasm!

Right! An ectoplasm secret!

Here. Hide that for Mom,

we'll surprise her tonight.

Mommy, don't look at
what we're hiding for you.

I won't, I promise.

Meet my life at 35.
I had everything!

1 wife, 2 kids, 3 buddies,

4 loans, 5 weeks' vacation,

6 years, same company,

7 times my weight in hi-fi,

8 coitions per quarter,

9 times the earth in plastic, polystyrene,
and other non-biodegradables.

10 years not seeing my father.

Bliss!

The tyrant outfit
I'd dreamt of as a kid.

Having a speedo up to 210

and never doing
more than 60.

That was being adult.

About 40 such
botch-ups with my dad.

96 fibs to my boss.

Yes, Dorzac.

I'm on my way.

Be there in 10 years,
I mean, 10 minutes!

Start without me.

Monday morning traffic...

Now 97.

Hi, Sophie? Game!

123 nightmares
in which I was a tyrant at last.

Yeah, I'm listening...

Be right there.

The city had changed.

Death too.

489 hours in the cemetery

hoping she'd return to
sing me "La vie en rose".

Seems I don't need her.

That Mom
flew thanks to the game...

I was way off the mark.

Sorry about this.

Got the plans?

Gimme two seconds.

The clients are here!

Hello, sorry I'm late.

Let me show you the plans.

It's a 10-year study...

6 months. Just divide by 20!

What did I say?

10 years!

So, it's a 10-month study,

I mean 6 months...

And the idea is... sh*t!

I was doing fine.

Hadn't
heard from Sophie for 10 years.

The wager ended today
with metronomic urgency,

and no news, no sign of her.

Seems she'd forgotten me.
Not I, her. How could I?

When I saw
her husband all over.

He'd become a national hero.

Adulated by men,
dreamt of by their wives.

"Sexy Sergei"
of the women's press,

top goal-scorer of the year.

How I hated football.

I'm on my way.
Take a right, please.

Hi, it's Sergei.
I'm running late.

What a day!

Sorry, but that's
my private life.

Well?

Well...

I really can't say...

Is that the final cut?

I dunno...

Like it?

Yes.

As for Sophie's life,
I could just picture it:

It's just not...

It sucked.

Right, it sucks.

Yeah, the spot sucks.

Sophie, we're working here.

It was hell
dealing that contract.

So "sucks" may not wash.

Do you know
who directed it?

Steph and Daniel.

But even if it was
Daffy Duck, Gandhi and the Pope,

it'd still suck.

This isn't a game.

Sergei?
Yeah?

I can refuse it, no?

No?

Yes.

So? What do I decide?

You decide this spot sucks.

Wait, something's
digging into my back.

What's your
teddy doing here?

Teddies aren't
usually made of tin.

Tell me
Mr. Sergei Nimov-Nemovich,

said hello to
your wife recently?

No, not since yesterday,

and have you
Mrs. Nimov-Nemovich,

said you love your husband?

No, not for a 100 years.

Nor have I
ever said ornithorhynchus.

And I think it's high time
I did: Ornithorhynchus.

No doubt about it,
she'd forgotten me.

You have to go out tonight?

I hate football!

Dad, can you do this?

And this, and this...

Can you make a girl
cry on her wedding day?

Laugh when you're sad?

Keep silent 10 years!

Madness!

Just been on to
Margaret about her insurance.

I mean,

I only did it as a favor.

Just because I head the agency
doesn't mean I'm the Salvation Army.

You're not even listening!

No more than
in the past ten years, no.

So, it's no.

Life after work does exist.

Got problems with Dorzac?

Look at me!

Hell,
you should've married him.

Look what he sent you over,
by courier.

The samples?
Why here and not the office?

I'd held my breath 10 years.

I felt like a dog
who'd pissed on the rug,

awaiting a thrashing.

And one Monday evening,
the blow fell.

What a relief!

What a surprise!

How is going recent?

Let me give you a hug.
Come meet Julien...

So great to see you!

And on our 10th anniversary!

Julien and the kids?

They're here.

Look who's here!

Sophie!

Hi, Julien!

Hi, Clo...

Delighted...

Be right back.

(Game or not?)

Can't you
send a mail from home?

Clo is here,
why won't you stay?

Can't you stay!

Sophie?

You okay?

Police?

Mrs. Nimov-Nemovich here

Come quick,
the maniac is back!

I already timed them.
Takes a minute.

Not that!
It was my grandmother's!

Please!

10 years is long.

That way!

Good old Sophie!
We were back in the game!

Pure, raw,

expl*sive pleasure!

Better than drugs,
better than smack!

Better than a
dope-coke-crack-fix sh*t-sh**t-sniff!

A ganja-marijuana-blotter
acid-ecstasy!

Better than sex, head,
sixty-nine, orgies, masturbation,

tantrism, Kama-Sutra
or Thai doggy-style!

Better than banana
milk-shakes!

Better that
the George Lucas box-set,

the Muppets and 2001!

Better than Emma Peel, Marilyn,
and Cindy Crawford's beauty spot!

The B-side of Abbey Road,
Hendrix,

the first man on the moon!
Space-mountain, Santa Claus,

Bill Gates' fortune,

the Dalai Lama,
Lazarus raised from the dead!

Schwarzenegger's testosterone
shots, Pam Anderson's lips!

Woodstock, rave parties,

Sade, Rimbaud,
Morrison and Castaneda!

Better than freedom,

better than life!

Hello.

Yes? This is the hospital,

may I speak to Mrs. Janvier?

Speaking.

Your husband's
had a car crash.

Listen, I told you!

He's my oldest friend,

we go way back.

Oldest friend?
And you never introduced me?

And your team?

You see them every day.

You mean,
you see this guy every day?

Sophie, who is this?

If it's who I think,
I'll k*ll him!

Too late for that.

You'll be alright,
Mrs. Janvier?

To be honest,
I was real mad at Sophie for that one.

I swore that once up and
about I'd knock her for six!

And over time, you forgive,

laugh about it, even.

After all, it's only a game!

Julien, where were you?

Looking for the john.

You okay?

It's okay.

A night in casualty,

for our 10th anniversary!

Does that hurt?

No, that's nothing.

What did you give him?

Sorry for earlier on,
I don't know why I...

Everything'll be fine.

I'm here...

I don't care about
the break-in.

I just feel for you.

What a f*cking day!

Prepare me some Atarax.

Don't worry,
these things happen.

The after-shock.

What have I done?

Julien?

Sophie, forgive me.

Julien...

What a fool!

Go back to the hospital.

What?

Back to the hospital!

Sophie... Sophie...

Take your umbrella!

You'll be soaked.

Game!

Look at me!

Please say it.

Hold me close and
hold me fast

the magic spell you cast

this is la vie en rose...

When you speak...

everyday words seem...

Will you shut f*cking up!

...to turn into love...

Problem was,
I couldn't quite remember the words.

But my heart was in it.

All that could stop me

was a fist in the face!

You're sick!

f*cking sick!

Julien...

Please wake up.

Don't leave me alone.

Wake up, wake up!

I beg you!

Don't leave me all alone.

No, that's too easy.

You don't deserve it.

Come.

Come and get it.

Don't leave me.
Game or not?

Game or not?

Julien,
I know you can hear me!

Come back! Game or not?

Julien, game!

We'll never leave each other.

Never.

To win this game,

you need a pretty box,
a pretty girlfriend,

and to hell with the rest!

There were a few things
I was game for you never asked.

Like?

Eating ants.

Insulting the unemployed...

Loving you like crazy.

And that's how we won...

Together... happy for
a long time, a very long time.

And deep in concrete.

We shared one last dream,
a childhood dream,

the dream of an endless love.

"Bollocks" or "Bonk"...

but they're not worth much.

"Blow-job"...

How's it spelt?

Never wrote it.

What else could there be?

"b*ner" won't work?

Does yours?

I'm sure you have demands.

And your children,

have you thought of them?

What'll they say when...

An orange one for you...

and one for me.

Like blue ones?

There's only one.

I'll give you the blue,
as you're nice

and me the purple.

Okay?

I love you.

Sophie, is my best buddy.