Paper Heart (2009)

[bunniefuu]

Has anyone been in love?

Have you ever been in love?

There's not a soul in the world

that wants to talk to me.

Whoo!

Viva Las Vegas! Whoo!

That's funny.

- What you got there, honey?

- It's a microphone.

Is it?

What do you want me to say?

- You look good.

- Oh, thank you.

You don't know what love is?

No.

Oh, well, that's a shame.

Are you looking for love?

No, not really.

I'm kind of content.

I like all these backup people

you got here.

Thanks.

There's tons of guys out here.

If you go out here,

you can find your soulmate.

I just think

love is a hard thing to find.

When you find it, keep it.

Hold on to it.

- Love?

- Love?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I love LA.

Is love a good thing?

Yeah, a very good thing.

Cool.

Cool. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Charlyne Yi!

Argh!

Argh! Argh!

Charlyne Yi!

Charlyne Yi!

Charlyne Yi!

I do.

So you say you don't believe

in love now,

but have you always

felt that way?

I believed in it

when I was a kid,

but again, all my ideas

about love

kind of came from movies

and fairy tales.

And as I grew up I realized

that life is nothing like that.

Was that 'cause you had

your heart broken?

No.

I've only ever had one boyfriend.

I thought I really liked him.

I thought he was all dark and mysterious

and he had shadows

under his eyes.

But then I realized that was only

because he was on drugs.

Hey, Gill, this is Nick.

We're making a documentary

about Charlyne and love.

We were wondering if we could

ask you some questions.

Awesome.

Do you think

I'll learn something?

Do you think

it's possible?

Why?

You're probably thinking,

"Is this how Charlyne really is?"

This hair... it's a wig.

It's not my hair.

Made you think it was a wig.

Made you think it wasn't my hair.

Looks nothing like that.

So you don't know what love is.

You've never felt it, so you claim.

And you also know for sure

that you will never be in love.

- Yeah.

- I'm dumbfounded.

I've never been in love, ever,

so I'm not sure

if I'm capable of it.

Well, why do you think

that you would be someone

who wasn't capable of it?

You're a very loving person.

That's what you think.

You're dedicated to creative things.

There's passion inside you.

Your love glass is half full.

You're very optimistic.

- You've never been in love?

- No.

And it's...

This is gonna come out,

probably, wrong,

but is it because

you're not lovable?

You think I'm not lovable,

Demetri?

No, I'm asking, do you feel not loveable?

Do you feel not valuable?

'Cause I think

you're potentially valuable.

I think if Charlyne ever falls in love

- she'll keep it very close to herself.

- Yeah, private.

I don't think she's gonna make it

public to anybody.

Do you think that Charlyne

believes in love

even though she says she doesn't?

You think Charlyne will ever

find love?

I hope so too.

Bye, Gill.

So why do you want to make

a documentary about love then?

Well, I think everyone means

something to someone.

And we're all a bit skeptical,

but I don't want to end up

a lonely old spinster.

I don't think anyone wants to.

So we're gonna go on the road

and talk to people and hear their stories

and see if that changes

the way you think about love.

- Yep, we'll see.

- That's right. We will see.

Have you ever

been married?

Yes, I was married for 11 years.

And then I got divorced.

And it was the first time

I was married too.

I didn't get married

till I was 43 years old.

I met this young lady

and we got married.

And then, eh,

she just didn't want

to be married anymore.

I don't understand it,

but, you know, she had to do

what was best for her.

And why wouldn't you

get married again?

Because I don't want

to go through the hurt again.

When I took those vows,

for me it was for life,

you know, as far as I was concerned.

But it wasn't.

People fall out of love.

People change.

And what they want

and what the other person wants...

it's just different.

Rack 'em up.

We're tied.

When you get older,

you have all this experience

and then you start thinking about,

you know, your past loves.

And true love is

a whole different thing.

That only comes once in a while...

once in a lifetime, I think.

- Have you had that?

- Yes, I have.

Was that with your ex-wife?

No, as a matter of fact.

It was... God, it must be,

like, 20 years ago,

but every time I hear her name

immediately the image of her

pops in my head

and I get those little butterflies

and everything like that.

Why didn't it work out?

She was dating somebody else

at the time

and she just...

she was, like, this close

to giving it up

and being with me,

and she just couldn't do it.

And did you know she was

dating someone at the time?

Yeah, but what does that matter?

If they're not married or engaged,

they're fair game.

- You think so?

- You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, it's just a boyfriend.

'Cause, I mean, you could be

the one she's really looking for, right?

But I think the problem

with true love is

that it has to be

on both sides.

That's what makes it

so difficult.

Like she might have been

my true love,

but maybe I wasn't her true love.

See, you got me talking about love

and I can't even sh**t pool anymore.

While we're talking about love

and true love,

how do you know

if you ever found love?

Well, I'll tell you

a little story.

Last May I took a trip up to Alaska

to go grizzly hunting.

And I was 130 miles north

of the Arctic Circle

on horseback for two weeks.

And it was just me, my guide

and my wrangler.

So we were riding along

and we had to cross this river.

And it was late spring,

so the water was very very high

and very very cold.

There were big chunks of ice

in the river

and it was freezing.

So anyway, we were crossing

this river

and I almost made it

to the other side

when my horse lost its footing

and rolled,

and me and the horse

went down the river.

The water was moving

really really fast.

It overtook me

and it held me under the water

for a good 30 seconds...

And I remember it being

very serene,

a very pretty color.

And I was just floating there,

like in space.

And I was saying to myself,

"I can't die like this.

This isn't the way to go."

And then all of a sudden

I saw Sarah's face...

my ex-wife.

And she didn't say anything to me.

She didn't look at me.

And that's when I started

reaching for it

and I power-swam to the top

and popped out of the top

of the river,

grabbed onto a little branch

and got out.

And my guide had

a big bonfire going.

And I'm here to tell the story,

so obviously I survived.

But the point of the story is

that the love from that marriage

was still there.

And when I came home

I told Sarah the story

and she said that she was

sitting there

working on her computer,

and that's the profile

I would have seen

of her just sitting there

at her desk.

And like I was saying before

about the one true love

that might have been,

I didn't see her face

when I was almost dying,

but it was Sarah's face

that I saw.

So going back and looking at that,

maybe she was

the true one love.

And I guess

I'll just never know.

So what's gonna be

your opening question?

"What's your name?"

Hello, Charlyne. I'm Professor Bill Hase

of Texas Tech University.

Hi.

Let's talk about

what love is first.

Love is, I guess,

an affection towards somebody

and it's a feeling

that's a pleasant feeling.

And chemists would say

that something's being triggered

in terms of molecules interacting.

- In my brain?

- In the brain.

Yeah, love is not here,

even though we have it there... the heart.

It's actually going on

right up here.

The biochemist, or the anatomist

and physiologist

would say things like,

"Well, as we fall in love, we know,

we've recorded

that there's additional serotonin release

in neurons in the brain.

We know that there's endorphins

that help us to feel better."

And we feel this euphoria

when we're falling in love.

In fact, sometimes so much so,

it's almost similar

to a drug-induced sort of state

where we may not even be using

rational behaviors

and things like that.

Do you think some people

can be born without those chemicals?

I think, not the chemicals

but the processing of them...

that's exactly right.

But I think it would not be unusual

or abnormal to think

that there are some people...

the chemistry is such

that it's difficult for them

to love someone else.

I wonder if that's

what's wrong with me.

Oh, I don't think so.

You seem like a very

pleasant person, right?

If love is such a strong emotion...

probably because it provides us

with something good.

How does that benefit us

evolutionarily?

Offspring.

It's kind of hard to tell...

do we really perceive

that what we're trying to do

is to successfully rear offspring,

or do we view love

as the end-all and be-all?

There are plenty of couples

who love each other

very much

who don't have

kids of their own.

- Yeah.

- And they stay married

even though they know forthem

there's no reproductive benefit.

You know, I'd also want

to be careful

not to get so scientific

that we forget about just the pure joy

and maybe the mystical

aspects of love.

There's something...

there is something there.

There may be evolutionary

mechanisms

and there are certainly

biochemical mechanisms,

but somehow

there's a little bit of magic to it too.

- Hey.

- Nice to see you.

I always think that if I was in love

I would be married by now.

But I'm not.

Well, have you ever said

"I love you" to somebody?

I'm pretty quick to say "I love you"

just 'cause I feel like

I don't want them to run away.

Really?

- Yeah, I fell like...

- Does it work or does it scare them?

Well, I'm single, so I don't know.

What are you guys filming?

A documentary.

What is it about?

It's about me.

Your life?

No, it's about

how I don't believe in love.

Cool. Awesome.

Are you interviewing people

tonight for it?

- Or what are you filming tonight?

- Some people.

Oh, nice.

Do you want to be

interviewed, Mike?

No. Will this be in the movie...

this scene?

- Probably not.

- Yeah.

How long have you played

guitar for?

How do you know I play guitar?

You don't play?

I do.

I thought you did.

Well, how have you been, man?

Good. I'm glad you're here.

It's good to see you.

- It's really good seeing you.

- Yeah, I haven't seen you

since probably when we were

playing Frisbee.

I don't think I've played

since we played.

Yeah, this is cool.

How do you guys know each other?

I saw her do a show about,

probably, a year ago,

- and we just started hanging out.

- Started talking? Cool.

She's cool, man.

How do you know Chuck?

I don't... I've never...

I only met her just now, tonight, yeah.

- Do I have any advice for you?

- Yeah.

Yes. Every time you meet a boy

look him in the eyes.

- Okay.

- Because when you meet the guy,

when you meet

the love of your life,

you look him in the eyes,

you'll know right away.

I don't know.

I don't know if I can like anyone.

Really?

I mean, I've had crushes, but I don't

know if I can genuinely like someone.

I think first I have to like someone

and then see if I could fall in love.

- Do you like spooning?

- What's that?

# Waiting for you #

# I'll always be your friend. #

Hey, Charlyne.

Hey, Charlyne.

- Do you want to play guitar?

- Uh...

Play one song.

Come on, don't be shy.

I'm not. I'm scared.

What's the movie gonna be like,

funny?

- Well, we'll see, man.

- Romantic?

- Yeah, we'll see. It's basically...

- Quirky?

- Yeah.

- A quirky comedy?

Yeah, it's like...

it's a really quirky comedy,

- a real quirky comedy, man.

- That's perfect.

- I mean, the whole idea...

- That's just what America needs.

The whole idea is she said

that she doesn't believe that love exists.

- Yeah. I like your coat.

- And so...

Thanks, man.

I got it at Burlington Coat Factory.

It's nice. That's the kind of coat

that will last you, like, 50 years.

You know what I'm actually gonna do

with this, man? I'm gonna dry-clean it.

Yeah, you need to respect

your clothes.

That's a nice pair.

Thanks, man. You got a nice pair on too.

I was noticing the pattern.

So Charlyne... I'm pretty interested

in Charlyne.

She's pretty fascinating.

- Do you know her very well?

- I don't think so.

I think I know her more

than most people know her, but...

She's pretty mysterious.

Yeah, she's pretty mysterious.

You guys are similar like that.

- You guys are a pretty good match.

- I really like her.

I told you he likes you.

But he didn't even talk to me. He doesn't

even know me. How could he like me?

You guys talked a little bit. I mean,

he just said you seemed really cool.

He could just be a friend,

but if he calls I'd say give the guy a shot.

Well, if I see a number I don't recognize

I'm not gonna answer it.

I'll tell him to call back.

I'll just turn off my phone.

Well, he's a very nice guy.

And that's true.

And you guys are a good match.

- Hey, how are you? I'm Nick.

- How's it going?

- Nick, Brendan. Nice to meet you.

- This is Charlyne; Charlyne, Brendan.

Nice to meet you.

So what up, man? What are we doing?

So here's what we're thinking.

We would love to get inside,

kind of get set up

and then she'll ask you some questions

- and whatever comes out, comes out.

- Okay, cool. Come on in.

Perfect. Thank you.

What's happening, Jack?

How are you?

- How's it going?

- Good good.

- We put it up there just as a joke.

- That's your forehead.

They superimposed it. I know.

There was a guest...

they go, "Can you hold my baby?"

So I held the baby

and our photographer superimposed

my glasses and my head.

It looks sick.

It looks like some weird doll.

- Yeah, I was like...

- If the family ever saw it

they'd be like, "What did you do

to my daughter?"

Valentine's Day,

New Year's Eve, Christmas,

Thanksgiving, Fourth of July...

all the time people come here

to get married...

sometimes 10 a day,

sometimes five a day,

at least 300 a month.

Do you have any favorite stories

from working here?

I've been here 491/2 years

at the Little White Chapel

and do I have favorite stories?

Every one of them is a favorite story to me.

Everybody that gets married here

is very very special.

We had this guy,

and what he did was

when he was asked "Do you take

this bride to be your lawful wedded wife?"

He took this coin out

and he flicked this coin

and he went..."I do."

- Wasn't that funny?

- Yeah, that was funny.

And I thought,

"You're in so much trouble."

He is still suffering

to this day for that one, you know.

But he thought it was funny.

Two weeks ago a guy comes in.

He goes, "Elvis, come here."

He calls me up to the front.

He goes...

I go, "Where's your bride?"

He goes, "In the bathroom.

But come here, I got a problem."

I go, "What's the problem?"

He goes, "I don't know her last name."

I said, "You don't know whose last name?"

He's like, "My bride."

I said, "You don't know her last name?

How long have you been together?"

When I saw him look at his watch

I thought, "Here we go."

He goes, "About 21/2 hours."

I said, "Sir, that's a minor detail.

You learn that on the honeymoon.

Right now you get married

and you'll deal with the small stuff

like the last name later."

As long as the check clears...

hey hey!

Thank you very much. No.

So when you get married

would you like to come here?

If I get married.

If I find somebody.

What would you like?

Just pretend you're getting married.

Just pretend

I'm getting married?

- I like that one that you pulled out.

- This one?

- Yeah.

- Are you gonna try that one on?

- Okay.

- Come on.

Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Nice to see you.

All you have to remember

is "I do,"

and then "Yes, dear,"

for the rest of your life, okay?

All rise for the bride.

Thank you.

You can be seated.

By the powers vested in me

by the State of Nevada,

and as minister of the

Wee Kirk o' the Heather Wedding Chapel,

I now pronounce you and present you

as husband and wife.

And, Chuck, here's the best part...

you may kiss your bride.

Love is 30 minutes

in bed with a Harley.

Hey, you ever drink a Jgerbomb?

You drink enough of these...

you'll wake up with an ugly girl

and be happy.

They come here every day.

It's a love of friendship.

These people will

go out of their way.

If you need a motorcycle part

and I got it, I'm gonna give it to you.

I'm gonna go in my tool bag

and I'm gonna give you the tool.

I'll give you what I got.

I'm not asking nothing for it,

but next time you see me messed up

you're gonna help me.

It's a love

that's better than family,

'cause most of my family's here.

Thanksgiving dinner is here.

Christmas dinner is here.

And that's true love right there.

- That's what love is here.

- We love each other.

Sometimes we can't stand each other,

but we love each other.

We fight and cuss one another,

but we all love

one another here.

Yeah, I love you too.

So that's the kind of love

you need to know.

Love to other people

that don't know bikers

is different.

I love my wife, but if you ask

anybody around here,

I treat her like sh*t.

Yeah, he does.

When I stop picking on her,

she gets worried.

I don't know nothing

about relationships.

I know I love my wife.

We have a love-hate relationship...

I love to beat her;

she hates the beatings.

That's a joke.

So do you believe in love now?

- Uh, no no.

- No?

Are you ready to go

for that motorcycle ride?

Really?

- Let's go.

- Okay.

You might accidentally get out

there and fall in love with old Jester.

Okay.

- No.

- Chuck, hold on tight.

Please, God, let me live.

- I lived.

- You probably have bugs in your...

I've never seen her smile so big.

You just made her world.

What do you think?

You want to ride a Harley now?

- Yeah, I want to get one.

- Tattoos and sh*t too?

Yeah.

Come on.

Who are you instant-messaging with?

Michael.

Michael Cera?

Yep.

What are you and Michael Cera

instant-messaging about?

He says... I don't know,

he's being annoying.

He said if I wanted to elope

and I said...

He asked if you wanted to elope?

"No, I don't know you."

That's pretty cool.

Why is it pretty cool?

I didn't know you and Mike

were kind of like that.

I thought you guys were more

just friends.

What?

I didn't do anything.

I didn't ask him to get married.

I just said...

Easy easy.

I'll drop it. I'll drop it.

- Well, we're here at the Los Angeles Zoo...

- Zoo.

Because Charlyne...

...had a brilliant idea to come here

and hopefully capture

how animals express

their version of love.

How do you think we're gonna

go about doing that?

Do you have any ideas

what the scenes are gonna be?

Yeah, I'm gonna stay far

and watch from a distance

so I don't interrupt.

So we're at the zoo observing Charlyne

observing the animals, right?

Yes.

Wow, they're so in love.

I see movement.

They're breathing.

All right, Chuck,

you want to wrap it up, dude?

Now I'm not sure exactly

what they're talking about.

- Hey, there's Mike.

- One can...

Hey, Ben, you want to grab Mike

coming up too?

Hey.

- Hey, man.

- Hey, man.

- What's up?

- Good seeing you.

- How's it going?

- Everybody remembers Mike?

- Hey.

- You remember Charlyne, of course.

- How's it going?

- Good, man. Thanks for making it out.

You guys have been getting

some lion footage?

Yeah, I'm just looking at them.

He's being trying to make love to Cookie,

and she's not that interested.

Oh, yeah? That's too bad.

I know how that goes.

Um, I don't want to interrupt.

- Well, hang back.

- Yeah, keep going.

Do you want to just do one more

and we'll go see the chimps?

Uh, well, where were we, guys?

So you guys have been looking

at these lions for a while?

Yeah, about 45 minutes.

- They've just been lying there?

- Yeah.

- So this is a deleted scene.

- Yeah.

- This will never be in the movie.

- Yeah, right.

I see why people put chimps

on gift cards and things.

And I want to think of, like,

a clever thing to say

about how his legs are crossed,

like, "Working on my novel."

I want to put that on a gift card.

We're not

doing anything, are we?

No, I think we're just

getting a B-roll.

Cool. Do you mind

if we just take a snack break?

No, take your time.

- Are you getting food?

- A snack break.

- Yeah, I'll go.

- Okay.

I'm gonna get some food too.

I haven't eaten.

Anything all day?

No, just this water.

Is it delicious?

Yeah, just not as filling

as one might hope.

What if you moved

a little bit more that way,

so everything she says you get

the giraffes in the background too?

Guys, sorry, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna take off.

- You're taking off?

- Yeah yeah, bye, guys.

- Thanks for coming by, man.

- Yeah, no problem. Bye.

I'll call you tomorrow

about the weekend.

Okay.

What's going on this weekend?

We're gonna go eat

and watch a movie.

You and Mike are gonna

go eat and watch a movie?

- Yeah.

- Just the two of you?

- Yeah.

- For real?

What?

That's awesome.

You guys are going on a date.

No, It's not a date.

We're just gonna hang out and eat.

You guys are gonna go eat,

the two of you, and go see a movie,

just the two of you,

and that's not a date?

No. We eat and watch movies

all the time.

That's different.

Jay, a guy and a girl decide to go out

and get dinner and see a movie?

What would you call that?

- That would be a date, sir.

- That'd be a date.

Let's try to get that date out of your head

and just sh**t this scene.

- Can I have this?

- Yeah.

You can have as many

as you want, incidentally.

- Do you want this one?

- No.

- You can have it.

- No, your finger's been...

Here.

No, don't.

So are you from LA?

No.

I'm from Fontana.

It's an hour and a half

away from here.

You from LA?

No, I'm from Toronto.

Cool.

Do you live around here?

I don't want to tell you where I live.

I don't trust you.

Oh, okay. You don't have to.

I can look it up.

Look it up?

Is it on the internet?

I can ask someone.

- You would do that?

- Probably.

How did you know my name

when I met you?

I had seen your show.

And then when I saw you at Evan's

I knew your name.

Yeah, I was really scared.

I thought maybe...

I was like, "Do I know this guy?"

I'm, like, the worst at names.

You were like, "Hey, Charlyne,

come here."

- I normally wouldn't...

- I'm like, "I don't know you.

- Okay, I must know you maybe.

- Normally I wouldn't have even said hello.

Why?

'Cause, you know,

it's difficult to.

Yeah, but anyway,

that's how I knew your name

and I was excited to see you.

So you're leaving in a few days?

In two days.

I'll be gone for, like, four and a half.

- I'll call you tomorrow.

- Okay.

Talk on the phone,

have a phone chat.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Are you okay to drive?

- Do I...?

- You're not high?

- Do I look high?

- No.

Do you need to take

my microphone?

Yeah, thanks, Mike.

- You want me to turn around?

- All right, this is kind of awkward.

- Is it in your shirt?

- Just slip it off.

Okay.

It's caught.

It's caught. It's caught.

I'll call you. I'll call you.

Okay. Bye.

Do you remember

your first date?

Yes. I invited him

to my birthday party at 14.

What began as an infatuation

bloomed into full love.

And he proposed our junior year

in high school.

Do you remember

how you proposed to her?

- No, do you?

- No.

I'm sure I wasn't on my knees.

No.

My mom and dad were not

for me marrying that early,

but they knew that I loved him

and that we wanted to be together.

And they had to sign for me

to be married

because I was only 17.

- Oh, yeah?

- So they did.

I think the young love

can sometimes be

the most important.

I know that many...

people now are waiting

until later to get married,

but I think you lose something.

We could have chosen

not to marry before he went to college,

but waiting five years

would have lost

much of the magnetism

that we had for each other.

I'm not advising everyone

to get married at 17,

but it can work.

It sure is not for everybody.

We had a lot of friends

who got married young,

and it didn't work out for them.

But it did for us.

How did you guys know

that you were in love

if you've never been

in love before?

Wait for the lightning bolt.

I've been saying that

all of our lives.

Sometimes it's slow

and it grows

and all of a sudden

you realize it's there.

Many times it happens

in the beginning

like it did with us.

Yeah.

We'd like to share one thing

in asking what events

might have stuck out

in our mind through the years.

I was ready to deliver

our second son

when he had to go

to the reserve camp.

I was in the reserves

and I'd spent two weeks

at Fort Polk.

And even though we knew

our son was coming,

I still had to go to camp.

But they did send me back

when our child was born.

We had

a pretty dramatic birth

with several dangers involved

with myself and my son,

so I was especially excited

to hear the clomp

of his army boots

running down the hall.

I knew he was there.

We were all okay.

He runs into the room,

saw that we were okay,

and immediately passed out

on the floor.

And we will always remember

that birth.

We got laundry on the third floor.

That doesn't interest me.

You all ready

for the interviews today?

Uh, yeah.

You have a few basic

kind of questions?

Yeah, I have some

really good questions.

I was thinking about asking...

- I can't hear you, Chuck.

- What?

I couldn't hear you.

Oh, I just said...

Charlyne, Chuck,

you gotta turn it off.

What are you thinking?

I just want to know what you're asking.

I'm sorry. What?

You have a few basic...?

Do you have a few...?

Okay.

So are you all set

for the interviews?

Yeah, I have everything set, boss.

- Great.

- Thanks.

Good.

What are you gonna ask?

Romance is written for women,

mostly by women,

although we have male readers

and I have fan mail from guys.

But romance is really targeted

for women.

And it's the emotional bonding

that goes on

that women tend to enjoy

discussing

and hearing about and reading

and watching on TV

and in the movies.

And that's what romance is.

People think there's a formula

to romance novels and there's not.

The only thing

that romance has to have is,

they have to have a relationship

between two people

and they have to have

some kind of conflict or struggle

that they overcome and then they live

happily ever after, we call it.

It's an "HEA ending"...

happily ever after.

There's always something where

the characters are sacrificing...

one is sacrificing for the other

and that's their sign that they're

really in love with that person.

So at some point the character

has to make

some kind of a personal sacrifice

for the other character.

And that's the sign.

That's the sign that they're in love.

Hey, Charlyne,

will you tell the camera

what you told me

last night on the phone?

What did I tell you last night?

When we were on the phone,

talking about the sh**t,

and then you said...

I don't know.

Remind me.

You don't remember what we were

talking about last night?

- No, remind me.

- We were talking about the sh**t.

And we were both getting excited

and then Charlyne says,

"You know, Nick,

I'm starting to really like Michael."

- Did I say that?

- You did.

I did say it.

And I said, "Really?"

And she goes, "Yeah."

And I was like, "Like a boyfriend?"

And she goes, "Yeah."

And so we've made an agreement

that we're gonna have to start

filming everything

so we don't miss that,

because their relationship is definitely

part of the movie now.

Greetings, ladies.

What are you gonna get?

I think I'm gonna get the BLT,

minus the B, plus the PC.

Plus the PC?

Pickles and cheese.

- What?

- That's not a BLT.

It's BLT, minus the bacon,

plus pickles and cheese.

I think the whole fun

of ordering the BL

is saying, "I'll have a BLT,"

and the simplicity of it,

- and they know what you want.

- Well, mine is pretty simple.

It just doesn't have the bacon.

It has cheese and pickles.

The sandwich is simple,

but ordering it isn't simple, I mean.

So just order your weird

pickle cheese sandwich...

Whatever.

...and say, "Can you bring me

all the fixings?"

What are you gonna get?

I think I'm gonna get

the Mexican beach salad.

I want to say that to the waiter.

Yeah, sounds very exotic.

A Mexican beach salad, yeah.

He'll look at me and think,

"Oh, this guy gets around."

Pretend I'm the waiter.

Hi, can I take your order, please?

- A Mexican beach salad.

- You got it.

Now.

I really didn't like you

when I first met you.

Yeah, I know.

How could you tell?

Well, it was pretty obvious.

Yeah?

You were pretty hasty

with your judgment.

- Was I?

- Little did you know

that I would be someone

that would be taking you out to lunch.

And you kept avoiding me.

And you kept

walking away from me.

You really didn't like me.

Yes.

Okay, I won't waste your time.

Hey.

Sorry that took so long.

That didn't go as I planned.

- You're a jerk. You're awful.

- I didn't think it would take that long.

I had to walk

all the way around.

I just thought

it would be a quick thing.

Sorry. Did you think

I really left?

Yeah.

Funny, though, right?

I'll pay for your lunch.

You're bribing me?

You're bribing my heart?

Yeah.

That's right.

Oh.

- Turn turn turn!

- Wow.

Argh!

Whoa.

Give it a throw.

There it is.

Oh.

Hey, guys,

you guys want to do

anything like...

anything like an arm around each other

or a kiss or anything?

This is fine.

- Forget it then.

- Thanks for the tip.

Keep going, whatever you guys

wanna do.

They weren't into it.

How did you guys meet?

First time we didn't meet, actually.

- First time we didn't meet.

- He stood me up.

- Really? Why?

- I didn't.

I was supposed to meet him

at a restaurant.

Go ahead and tell the story,

or the lie.

- You tell the lie.

- Yeah, go for it.

He never lets me forget this.

We set out to meet.

I had just moved to town.

He said, "Do you know this place?"

I said, "Yeah."

I didn't know the place.

I went to the wrong restaurant

and I'm like, "That's not the restaurant

I thought it was."

And so I had to think

quick on my feet.

I just like called, "Uh, I had to take

my nephew to the hospital.

Sorry." So I lied.

So I meet him a week later and I was like,

"Oh, so how is your nephew doing?"

He's like, "What do you mean?"

- Busted.

- I'm a really bad liar.

Your second date, when you actually met,

what happened there?

I think we had sex.

- Second date... yeah, I think, yeah.

- Oh.

- We're g*y. That's what you do.

- Yeah, no.

- Really?

- Not really. I don't know, maybe.

Not all g*y guys, but we do.

I think it was something

really charming

- like a parking lot.

- No, it wasn't.

- Yeah, it was.

- Not me.

You guys met at a parking lot

and you guys did it?

No, not in the parking lot, no.

We went back to his house

and watched a movie, I think.

Check this out...

when I'm in his house...

- I forgot how much dirt he has on me.

...you're looking at the sh*t

people have on their

mantel and stuff,

and like, "Oh, books books,

tchotchke,

dead boyfriend,

books, books, tchotchke."

- He had his dead boyfriend cremated...

- His ashes.

- Oh, man.

- So I almost flipped out.

I was like, "That's a little creepy."

It was really creepy.

Do you guys want

to get married?

He proposed.

I said no.

People that I know are married

aren't happy,

most of them,

the straight ones.

And the g*y ones

aren't really happy either.

It's like, what's the point?

And for us it's not real.

And you believe in marriage?

Basically if a piece of paper says

that he can be covered

by my insurance...

- that's a good thing.

- Yeah.

And we've been together 10 years.

He doesn't have insurance.

Have you guys ever had

your heart broken?

Um, a lot, actually.

When you're g*y and, like, you...

I'm not really attracted

to effeminate dudes,

so when you're in high school,

you're growing up,

you're in college or whatever,

you tend to fall for the straight guy.

And that doesn't tend

to work out.

What about you?

I didn't have my heart broken

so much.

You know, I had an ex in a box.

It wasn't like he broke my heart...

- Yeah.

...did anything to me,

but, you know, he died on me,

the b*stard.

It's like, you could have just said,

"I don't like you anymore," and left.

But no, he had to die.

I can't with my left hand.

Jab jab, boom!

Good, come at me now.

One, two, strike!

The other night I had this dream.

And I was onstage

and a spotlight hit me,

and when I looked down

I was wearing this beautiful pink dress

and my hair was

all blonde and curly.

I tried to do magic

before my song,

but it didn't work.

It was like...

it was like I'd lost my zing.

Do you think it's 'cause

you're with Mike

and you're afraid you're becoming,

like, all girlie and stuff?

I don't know.

I've never been one of the girls, you know?

- Yeah.

- I want to be his girlfriend,

but I don't want to be

"the girlfriend."

I mean, no one ever

remembers "the girlfriend."

Sure. You want to be

one of the dudes.

I am one of the dudes.

Well...

How would you define

a divorce?

I think probably the best

definition of divorce

is the taking of two people

who once proclaimed

their love for each other

and separating them

as far as you can apart.

Why is there so many divorces?

Well, one thing is they're not

getting to know each other enough

before they decide to get married,

and they get married too quick.

That could be one thing.

And another thing is, you know,

we're not a very patient society.

And so I think that maybe people

get into relationships,

and if they're not exactly

the way they want them

and there's no quick fix,

they just give up.

Do you think that this job

has given you perspective on love

or changed it at all?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, the people I see in here...

makes me realize

that there are many many people

more dysfunctional than I.

That's nice.

That's reassuring.

When we go home at night,

we've spent all day

hearing clients,

or people in his court,

you know, say terrible things

about each other

and talk about the terrible ways

they're treated each other.

We both go home at night and think,

"Whew, aren't we lucky?

We don't have all those problems."

And it really gives you

a different perspective, I think.

If you can hang in there

and you really love 'em,

it gets better all the time.

Well, that, and the learning to overlook

other people's shortcomings.

We all have bad breath

when we wake up in the morning.

That's true.

Accepting the fact

that just because he says,

"Pull this finger," and giggles...

you can get along with that.

Sally and I met in Houston in,

oh, I guess, 1980.

I was working as an associate judge

down there

in one of the family law courts

in Houston, in Harris County,

and she was practicing law

in that court.

And I thought that I would

really like to go out with her,

not to mess up

our professional relationship.

And I hinted to her boss

that I would like to do so,

and I think she put pressure on Sally

to do that,

to go out with me.

- True?

- Yes, she did.

She threatened to fire me

if I didn't go out with him.

And I did not want

to go out with him at all.

I had another boyfriend at the time.

I was not interested

in dating, but...

The other boyfriend

never talked, though.

Well, that is true.

But in order to keep my job,

yes, I did go out with him.

And I had a fairly decent time.

But what really convinced me

that I wanted to go out with him again

was a little later.

Maybe a week or two later

after our date

it was a downpour in Houston.

And I was at the courthouse.

I was wearing

a pair of Gucci loafers

that I had just purchased

the weekend before.

And I spent more money

on those Gucci loafers

than I had ever spent

in my life on a pair of shoes.

I think they might have been $154.

I was just devastated

because I had parked

several blocks away from the courthouse

and I had to leave

and it was pouring down rain.

And as I left his court,

I think I probably said

something like,

"Well, I sure don't want to ruin

my new shoes,

but I guess

it's pouring down rain."

And it was just a gullywasher.

And I remember Don saying,

"Don't worry about it.

I'll take care of it."

He goes,

"You just wait right here."

And he said, "I'll be right back."

He went and got in his car,

which was a Jeep,

and he drove it up

onto the plaza

in front of the family law courts

building in Houston

and drove up under the porch.

And so he opened the door

and said, "Hop in."

And I just walked dry,

under the porch,

got in his Jeep and we drove off.

And he took me to my car.

And I thought, "Now that's cool.

Who would drive up

on downtown Houston

up onto the plaza

of the family law courts building?"

And I thought, "You know what?

I think I'd better stick with him."

Then I had to move to Amarillo

because I lost my job over that.

No, he did not.

That is not true.

We moved to Amarillo

because we wanted to.

True enough.

You want me to make you dinner,

Charlyne?

Really?

Yeah.

Do you have any food?

I know how to make a few things.

What do you feel like?

Um, I don't know.

That's enough. Thank you.

- We can go grocery shopping together.

- Okay.

- Want to go right now?

- Okay.

- Let's not make any plans.

- Be spontaneous.

- Yeah.

- Real wild.

Let's finish this real quick.

I feel awful now.

You didn't have to do that.

- Do you want to go right now?

- Yeah.

- Are they gonna come?

- Um...

- It might be a little embarrassing.

- We'll catch up.

- You want to come?

- Yeah.

Sorry.

It's okay.

We'll be quick.

- You guys want to catch up?

- Just go.

Okay.

- What do you want to get?

- I don't know.

Maybe when we look around

it will give us some ideas.

Yeah.

I don't know what to make you

since you don't eat meat.

We can make grilled cheese,

quesadillas.

This is all dog food.

Not true... puppy.

Puppy food, dog food

and nylon stockings.

Yeah, we're not gonna find

our dinner in this aisle.

I think I'm so hungry

that I don't know what I feel like.

- Same here.

- Nothing sounds good enough.

We've been here

a half-hour now

I'm not even

hungry anymore.

We should be

eating by now.

Let's look in the frozen food section.

That might be our best bet.

There... cheese.

"Crisp Crust."

Party pizza?

We can order a pizza

faster than that.

I think we should order one.

Hey, Charlyne.

How's it going?

How are you doing?

Did you enjoy

the pizza

that we got?

Should we kiss?

Okay.

Seems appropriate.

- What are you laughing at?

- Nothing.

- Why are you laughing?

- I'm just laughing.

It's out of the way now.

Now what should we do?

Ooh, this is pretty fun, man.

Yeah.

Uh, I was wondering...

if we always have to sh**t

me and Michael.

We haven't had any privacy,

you know, since the moment we've met.

Everything's under

a magnifying glass...

me, you and all of them.

Charlyne, I mean, we did

agree to do this.

We said we were gonna make

a documentary

and we were gonna film everything,

and that's where the story's going now.

Yeah.

Let's say you and Mike went on a date

and we decided not to film you

and you guys had an amazing night

and it was the first time you ever

told each other you loved each other

- and we didn't get it.

- Don't worry, that's not gonna happen.

Okay, but just like the principle of it...

we need to.

I feel awkward about it.

I know Mike does.

But I honestly don't know

what else to do.

We're making a movie.

Yeah.

If we're sh**ting everything,

how come we're not sh**ting

me, you know, sleeping?

We'll sh**t you sleeping.

We'll do a night of it. Could be fun.

- Serious?

- Seriously.

Awesome.

- We got a deal, Chuck Yi.

- My life just got a lot more interesting.

I do two general readings

and I'll tell you what's going on with you

and kind of where you're headed.

Okay.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, emotion, breakup...

love, difficulty.

Separation from someone you love.

And to me this is romantic.

Highs and lows, so good and bad.

So it's almost like your life

is a rollercoaster.

Okay, are you seeing

somebody right now?

Yeah.

Okay, all I need is just

his first name.

- Michael.

- Michael, okay.

Okay, Mike.

Romantic... definitely romantic,

absolutely.

He's got a big heart.

He's very sensitive.

A nice guy.

I get a really good energy for him.

Well, he does love you,

that's for sure, so I do get that.

But he's kind of interested in you

for money reasons, okay?

'Cause of all the money

that comes up here.

But I have no money.

I keep getting financial,

so business,

financial, career.

You have a key to him

building his career, okay?

But he is more successful than me.

That's what I'm telling you.

I'm saying, what does he think of you?

He does love you,

he does care for you,

but there's still some

business connection,

or that he can succeed

or you can succeed

or he can help you.

That's fine.

I'm gonna just leave that out there.

You think about it, okay?

You know what?

It's a good chemistry,

it really is, between you and him,

but it's not gonna work.

I have to tell you that.

Do you know why?

Oh, that's a good question.

Let me see why.

It will end, but, okay,

let me see.

Okay.

It's just you're each gonna

go down your own roads.

You will outgrow each other

and have different philosophies

and go down different roads

eventually.

You're meant to be together now

and it's great.

It works now, so good.

Okay? Anything else?

Do you think it was real?

No. And I apologize

for saying

I wanted you to go

to a con artist.

I thought it was going to be

a lot more fun and funny

and I think seeing

what a clear scam it was,

it was just kind of dirty.

It kind of made me

really upset.

It made me upset too...

not about you and Mike,

but just about humanity.

Yeah.

It's like you're sitting

in this dump on the side of a highway

lying to people.

It's a load of crap.

That's all it was.

Ugh, man.

I'm sorry, Chuck. Tomorrow's all yours.

We can do whatever you want.

Fireworks, Chuck!

Fireworks!

- Fireworks!

- Fireworks!

Fireworks!

Get ready to run, Chuck.

Okay.

Go!

Go, Chuck, go!

Love in some cases

is almost overrated.

Totally.

I think it gets too hung up

on heat and passion

and I think that "like"

is really

the most important thing

for the longevity of a relationship.

It's all about the "like."

You have to really enjoy

being around somebody.

'Cause there's people

that can't stand each other

that love each other

on certain levels.

How did you guys know

that you loved each other?

I just felt like I...

I don't know if I can see myself

in my life without Bill.

I think that a relationship

just has to evolve naturally too.

- I don't think anything can be forced.

- No.

It just has to unfold.

And I think too,

like with your boyfriend,

you know, there's things

about him you really like,

and probably if you didn't see him

for a long time

you would really miss it. And if you

thought you were gonna lose him

you might go, "Wait a minute,

I don't think I want to live

without this person."

It's weird 'cause I think

everyone's definition of love

is so different.

And, like, what you're saying...

I'm like, "I don't think I'm in love,"

'cause I do miss him

and I miss certain things.

Yeah, you know, you might be.

It might just hit you one day.

You might just wake up one day

and go,

"I don't know, I think

I really love this guy."

When you meet somebody

and you just get that feeling

like you'd known them forever

and they're definitely

a part of your life

and you can't imagine life

without them

and you want to be with them

every minute of every day

and share everything with them,

that's love.

I remember asking my mom,

"When do you know you're in love?"

And she said, "It's when you can't stand

to not be with that person."

We just got engaged

a few months ago.

I mean, I've never felt this way

about anybody

and it's just like... it felt right

and I think we're happy with it.

Yeah, I really think it will work out,

even though we're young.

- I think we'll be good together.

- We will.

The world just looked better.

I remember leaves looked brighter.

I was driving back to college

and I thought,

"Oh my God, the world

just looks wonderful."

It just hit me when I talked to him.

When I first saw him even,

you know, I thought, "Wow."

And then when I talked to him,

I knew right away

that that was the one.

As far as, like, knowing it for sure,

no one ever really knows

anything about love,

but you just gotta go

with what feels right.

When you've been married

for a long time

you have this history.

Nobody can replace that.

You know, you've got all these

memories that you share together.

It's worth really fighting for

and working for.

You can't replace that person.

You can't.

Well, it was 50 years ago,

a little more than...

when I first saw Bob

at the airport.

He parked his motorcycle

right outside of my office window.

He had these tight Levi's on.

And I said, "Oh my God,

I gotta meet this guy,"

because I was the only young,

single female

in this whole cargo area.

I thought I was the star

of the whole area.

I'd take a cigarette out

and 15 guys would run over to light it.

I didn't know that he was there

until he bought that Harley.

And it was the purr of the Harley

that got me.

Yeah, I was there for six months

before that

with an old English bike...

never saw her,

never heard anything.

So you guys out there, get a Harley.

It's got a special sound to it

that gets right

to the heart of the matter.

And then we courted

on the motorcycle.

And I lured him

to a deserted beach

on our first date.

It was dark. It was quiet.

The moon was out.

The tide was coming in.

You could hear the water

lapping against the shore.

It was really nice.

And we sat on the beach

and kissed for the first time.

And it worked out

to be a nice, happy ending.

and it seems

like it's only been

a couple of years.

It just goes by so fast.

What do you got to say

about that?

You've covered everything.

I wrote a song for Michael.

One day I was hanging out

with him

and it wasn't even close

to Christmas,

but I was like, "Wow, I'm really happy

hanging out with him.

It's kind of like Christmas."

And so I said

he smells like Christmas in this song.

But I don't really think

he smells like Christmas.

He just makes me happy.

That's it.

I'm so embarrassed right now.

You guys are filming.

I'm gonna record it

and give it to him one day.

# What's that smell

I smell on you? #

# Is it magic perfume? #

# 'Cause I swearto God #

# You smell just like Christmas #

# To me #

# Yeah, well, you #

# Are my Christmas tree #

# You mean everything to me #

# You mean everything

to me #

# And you #

# Are my sh**ting star #

# If you sh**t me

in my heart #

# Then I'll fall apart #

# You lift me up

when I'm down #

# Ooh ooh ooh #

# You pick me up

off the ground #

# Ahh ahh ahh #

# And I don't know

if it's such a good idea #

# 'Cause you're way down now #

# And I'm way up here #

# Yeah, you have

really long arms #

# So why don't you use them

to hold me tight? #

This is great, Charlyne.

I can show my family now

what you look like.

Or you can just come over

and they can see your face.

You should come to Toronto.

I don't know if I can.

I have to ask Nick.

Don't look at me. We gotta

finish sh**ting this movie, Chuck.

- When you're done.

- Yeah, when we're done.

Yeah, that'd be cool.

Yeah.

You want to do that thing?

Oh, you mean the thing.

Mm-hmm.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Ready?

Go! Go get 'em!

- Guys!

- Too fast.

- Don't fall.

- Okay.

Go as fast as you can, Jay.

I'm gonna get them when they stop.

Guys, guys, guys!

Don't look back.

- Guys!

- Don't stop.

Guys, guys.

- Are they following?

- Come on.

- Are they following?

- I don't know.

So we're here with...

Caitlyn Felder.

...and we're talking

about love.

Do you believe

in true love, Caitlyn?

Yes.

And what do you think

true love is?

When they hug and kiss

and be happy together.

What's love?

How do you spell it?

L-O-V-E!

Do you guys believe in true love?

Yes!

- Do you guys believe in true love?

- Yes.

Why?

- Because I have a boyfriend.

- No, you don't.

- Do you guys say, "I love you"?

- Yeah.

What is true love?

True love is when you love

somebody so-o-o much,

like us girls love Chris Brown.

You don't know him.

What's a perfect date?

You need to take somebody to Applebee's

and get them hot wings.

- Are you picking your nose?

- Eww!

Give me that. Give me that.

That's gross. Give me that.

A dinner and a movie.

But before that

you'll watch the sunset

on the beach.

And the restaurant

that you will go to

is a French Riviera restaurant

that only sells seafood.

That's a good date.

On the count of three

you gotta act like a chicken.

One, two, three!

- Do you have a boyfriend?

- No, ma'am.

- Have you had a boyfriend?

- No, ma'am.

You like Tory?

Yow!

What's your ideal husband?

Masculine and cute.

- Do you want to get married?

- No.

- Why not?

- Because.

- It's gross?

- Yes.

Do you want to get married?

- Say yes.

- Say no.

- To me?

- No.

Why don't you guys ask her

about her boyfriend Mike?

What?

You had a boyfriend all this time

and you didn't tell us?

How cruel.

Have you ever smooched

at the movies?

Not at the movies

'cause it's gross.

Okay, where have you?

Argh!

Sit in the tickle chair,

young lady.

All right, so you're in love.

I'm not in love.

You're in love

with Chris Brown.

At least I admitted it.

She got you on that one, Chuck.

What would your advice be

for someone who isn't sure

if they're in love

and will find love?

Well, I would say

take a minute

and look at your life.

Look at the person

that you think likes you.

Find out for yourself.

All right.

I think we're like

an hour away now.

Do you want me to drive

the rest of the way?

No, it's okay.

I can drive.

- Are you sure?

- Mm-hmm.

- You look tired.

- No, I'm not tired.

It's gonna be fun.

I'm excited.

I've never been to a drive-in before.

What should we talk about?

What do you mean?

I never know what to say

when the cameras are here.

You don't have to say anything.

I just feel more comfortable

when they're not around.

It's a given.

I think everyone feels that way.

Well, I mean, why are we

being taped then?

You knew from the beginning, like,

everywhere I go the cameras go too.

That's the way it's been

since we met.

I mean, I don't mean

to make you uncomfortable,

but that's just

the situation right now.

I know.

I just, you know...

it might have been more fun

if we could just go together.

Yeah, it would have been,

but I don't really have a choice,

at least right now.

Mm-hmm.

Try to have fun?

Yeah.

- What's with the globe?

- Well, it's for my announcement.

First of all, thank you guys

for coming over.

And the production has decided

to pay for a trip to...

France.

Paris.

We're going to Paris

in four and a half weeks.

We leave on a Thursday night.

We come back on a Sunday night.

So we have a whole weekend in Paris

to do whatever we want.

- So it's gonna be filmed?

- Yeah, well, the whole crew's coming.

- What are we doing?

- Whatever you guys want.

I think we could get, like,

for the end of the documentary...

that we can get a nice shot

of you two guys in Paris

just doing whatever

you guys are gonna do.

It's like you guys

in this magical city of love.

So why am I going?

It's kind of just...

Well, 'cause you guys

are dating.

So it's kind of me and Charlyne

hanging out in Paris?

- That's exactly what it is.

- That's all...

That's all it is.

That's the only plan.

I think it's a real great,

natural end

of, like, you guys

just exactly where you guys are at

in your relationship...

nothing's forced...

but just in Paris.

- And that's the ending?

- Yeah.

I mean, what do you think

people will get from that?

What are you trying to show?

L...

If we're being sent there, it's

different than ifjust the two of us went

and you guys filmed it.

You know, it seems like

we're being sent there

so that you can get some kind of footage.

I don't think I thought

about it that much.

I just kind of thought it would be

a nice location to end it...

you guys kind of walking around

in what I consider

the most beautiful city in the world.

I just... I don't understand

what the point of us

going there is.

It's just kind of like a sweet,

hopeful ending to the movie.

Hoping that...

Just that you have

what you have in real life,

that you're happy...

that, like, you found love.

But I didn't.

A free trip?

- I've never been to Paris.

- Yeah, me neither.

Me either.

So let's go to Paris.

Charlyne called saying to come by,

so we'll see what it is.

Well, we're here.

I brought the crew.

All right.

Well, you got us out here, Chuck.

What's up?

Uh, so...

Michael called me afterwards

and we talked for a long time

and he basically said

that he didn't want

to do this anymore.

He didn't want to do what anymore?

This?

We already kind of shot so much.

He didn't want to be with me anymore.

What did he say?

I don't know.

He didn't give a reason?

No, he gave reasons,

but I just don't understand.

I'm sorry to hear that, Charlyne.

I mean it.

Yeah, me too.

You know, let's have fun.

You want to order a pizza

and hang out, make a night of it?

Okay. Play video games?

Let's play every video game

and every instrument you have.

You don't know

how to play anything.

I will just strum on anything

and make an a*s of myself.

Okay.

# See, it's real love #

# Real love #

# If I knew what I know now #

# Back then. #

I mainly write about love

and I've been in a long-distance

relationship

for the last two years.

My girlfriend lives in Taiwan, in Taipei.

And she came here

for three weeks

and, I don't know,

I guess I thought

that she was gonna come here

and stay here.

I thought that

up until she was gone.

And I don't think

I'm ever gonna see her again.

If you knew that by her leaving...

you loved her.

If you knew it before she left,

what would you have done

differently?

I would have asked her to stay.

I would have, you know.

I would have, you know,

stopped thinking

about all the details of it,

you know.

Why can't you just go after her

if you still feel as passionate

as you did then?

I don't know, you know.

Maybe because I'm still

the same person that let her go then.

And that song is about

how I totally blew it, you know.

Chuck. Hey, Chuck.

Hey, Charlyne

we've got work to do.

We got hot chocolate for you.

It's a nice enough room.

All right, Chuck,

check this out.

Wow.

It's gorgeous.

Wow.

Man, that is incredible.

Unbelievable.

Dude, I could live here.

This is amazing.

You should.

I'd consider it...

hang out in cafs all the time,

drink cappuccinos, work on my novel.

You're stupid.

Are you feeling okay, Chuck?

Eh...

I mean, it's not ideal, but I figure

we'll just go around,

sh**t some footage.

We're in Paris.

You know, it is gorgeous.

Let's get to it, Chuck.

What do you say?

I would say "Shower up" and stuff,

but I know you.

Maybe throw some pants on.

Trois.

Interview that guy.

Merci.

Nick, can we just go to the hotel?

Please just keep walking, Chuck,

and we can cut this together.

I don't feel good.

I feel sick.

Okay, I'm actually begging you

just to keep going.

No no, we have to go now.

I'm cold. I'm tired.

We've been doing this

for 12 hours.

It's not about cold and tired. I understand...

I know what's kind of happening here.

This is about your breakup.

And you're freaking out.

- You're stressed out.

- No, this has nothing to do with Mike.

- I'm not sad about Mike.

- Okay, I know that you're sad

about Mike, Charlyne.

And I just need you to do this once

and just really help me

finish this.

And we're both gonna be so happy.

I promise you.

I'm not sad about Mike.

I'm not sad about anything.

I'm just sad

that he wants me to love him

and I can't.

I can't.

I can't just lie and pretend I love him.

All right.

You want to go back to the hotel?

Let's go back to the hotel.

I think we're good.

Hey, Chuck.

What's going on?

I just woke up.

How did you sleep?

Are you okay?

Eh, so-so.

So-so? Yeah, me too.

Sorry if I was mean

to you yesterday.

I apologize.

It's okay.

It's not your fault.

I'm just really overwhelmed

right now.

Yeah, I hear you.

Everything okay?

I don't know.

I mean, I know I'm not in love right now,

but that doesn't mean

I'll never fall in love.

I just know that I don't want

to lose Michael.

We should probably get going.

All right, it's coming up.

Yeah, this is it.

Okay, are you ready?

Watch out. It's slippery.

Well, we're here.

This is it.

Okay.

Good luck, amiga.

Don't slip.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Mike.

- Hey. How is it going?

- Hey.

It's going okay.

How are you doing?

I'm pretty good.

Are you busy?

No, just hanging out.

What are you doing?

Just hanging out.

Yeah.

So you guys are in Brampton?

Yeah. It's kind of cold.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

You want to come inside?

It's warmer.

Okay.

Um, you guys should probably

stay out here.

You want us to stay out here?

Okay. Cool.

Okay.

- You want to take off your shoes?

- Yeah.

How long are you

gonna be in Brampton?

Just today.

Charlyne's mike's still on, Nick,

if you want me to keep rolling.

- I can hear both of them.

- You want a warm drink?

Um, I really missed you.

Yeah. Me too.

She just told Mike

she missed him.

Cut the tape, Jay.

There I was,

on the road again.

I was holding tight

to my motorcycle

and Michael was holding tight

to my muscles.

This wasn't the end

of our journey.

We still had a long long way

back to sunny California,

just me and my man.

And being the wild horse

that I was,

I couldn't help but drive

really fast...

so fast, in fact...

That the cops began to chase us.

I didn't know what to do,

but I knew I couldn't have

let them stop me.

I'd come too far.

I zigzagged,

spelled my name in cursive,

I went up on one wheel,

then I went up on no wheels...

nothing.

b*ll*ts whizzed by

on both sides.

I turned to Michael and said,

"If you want to turn back now, baby,

I'll understand.

You've gotten yourself involved

with a very dangerous broad."

"No, I don't want to turn back now.

I kind of like danger."

Perfect.

They fired off one last shot

and this time

it didn't miss.

With fire behind me,

I got up,

bruised and battered

from the horrible crash.

The cops pointed their g*ns at me.

I looked at Michael.

He was hurt. He was hurt bad.

The captain yelled

through his megaphone,

threatening to sh**t,

but I didn't care.

And I told them that too.

I told them,

"I don't care!

Life is too short to be wondering what if!

Sometimes you just gotta live

and see what happens,

even if you get hurt.

Sometimes you can only feel something

if you take a risk.

And I, Charlyne Yi,

am taking that risk.

Arghh-hh-hh!"

And with that,

the captain took off his sunglasses

to reveal a single tear.

I looked around

and all the cops were crying.

The captain looked at me and said,

"Go on, get the hell out of here,

you crazy kid."

And so I threw Michael

over my shoulder

and walked off into the distance,

never looking back.

And, um, that's pretty much

what happened. Right?

Yeah, that's exactly

what happened.

# What's that smell

I smell on you? #

# Is it magic perfume? #

# 'Cause I swearto God #

# You smell just like Christmas #

# To me #

# Yeah, well, you #

# Are my Christmas tree #

# You mean everything to me #

# You mean everything

to me #

# And you #

# Are my sh**ting star #

# If you sh**t me

in my heart #

# Then I'll fall apart #

# You lift me up

when I'm down #

# Ooh ooh ooh #

# You pick me up

off the ground #

# Ahh ahh ahh #

# And I don't know

if it's such a good idea #

# 'Cause you're way down now #

# And I'm way up here #

# Yeah, you have

really long arms #

# So why don't you use them

to hold me tight? #

Thank you very much.