Kiss and Make-up (1934)

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, Dr. Lamar.

MAURICE: Good morning, Pierre.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE: Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE: Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE: Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE: Good morning, Greta.

(CLACKING)

Good morning, Doctor.

Good morning, Annie.

(CONSUELO CLEARING THROAT)

Dr. Lamar?

Yes, I am Dr. Lamar.

I'm Consuelo Claghorne. Mother sent me

to see you about an operation.

Oh, yes.

Take your clothes off, please.

- Oh, must I?

- Yes, please.

Here are some telegrams.

What kind of operation

do you want?

Oh, I don't want

an operation.

It's for Mother. She'd like her hips

cut down before she sails.

Oh, I see.

Then why did you...

I thought you were interested in how

I looked without it, but you're not.

How do you know I'm not?

Suppose we take that up at luncheon?

(EXCLAIMING)

Suppose we do.

1:00? Here?

(CLEARING THROAT)

Make a note.

Luncheon at 1:00.

(INTERCOM BUZZING)

WOMAN: Dr. Lamar goes

on the air in 10 minutes.

MAURICE:

I'm starting right away.

We're starting right away.

INSTRUCTOR: One, two.

One, two. One, two. One, two.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- MAURICE: Good morning.

One, two. One, two.

- ALL: Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, girls.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

Thank you, Annie.

And now, dear distant worshippers

of the Temple of Beauty,

I present your high priest,

Dr. Maurice Lamar.

Ladies, my dear disciples,

once more it is my privilege

to speak to you on that subject

so dear to every

woman's heart, beauty.

Yesterday I covered

the abdomen.

Today I shall

take up the throat,

the connecting link between

a lovely head and a lovely body.

MAURICE ON RADIO: How can you

obtain true throat appeal?

By the use of

my Creme Supreme,

which I trust all of you

now have beside you.

First, take a generous quantity

of Creme Supreme on the fingertips

and work it into the throat tissues

with a gentle rotary movement,

alternating with rhythmic patting

by the back of the fingers.

Do you fear the scorching rays

of the midday sun? You need not.

Creme Supreme will protect you

from it on the hottest summer day.

No longer need any woman

suffer from sunburn.

Creme Supreme will give you

that pink and white complexion,

which is lovely

woman's birthright.

Should your beauty needs be greater

than can be met by these broadcasts,

I would suggest

a personal diagnosis.

Every day hundreds of beauty seekers

from all over the world

are coming to me here in Paris

for an answer to their problems.

He must be a great man,

that Dr. Lamar.

He could've been. He was the brightest

student in our class in medical school.

Now he advertises

face cream.

MAURICE ON RADIO: Have you

a glowing, gleaming body?

So, he's a friend of yours,

is he?

We were great pals in college,

but then we sort of drifted apart.

Well, you'd better drift together again

and see if he won't lend you some money,

or out you go

at the end of the week.

(CLANKING)

Doctor, what is

that terrible noise?

Please have it stopped.

I'll see to it at once.

(CLANKING CONTINUES)

Do you...

Do you have to make all that noise?

No.

- No, I can stop now.

- Good.

Now that you're here.

I've been trying to see you.

See me?

Yes, about my wife.

I want you to let her alone.

But I don't know your wife.

You don't know Eve Caron?

Eve Caron!

How can you

be her husband?

That's what I often wonder myself,

ever since she started

being your patient.

Eve Caron's husband is a motorbus

manufacturer, not a plumber.

This is the only way that

I could get in to see you.

That feminine individual, that large girl

in your outer office, kept stopping me.

Mmm. Greta?

Well, the one with the extra-long wheel

base and the streamlined superstructure.

Oh, yes, that's Greta.

Pardon me.

And you're Madame Caron's

husband, huh?

I am, yes. On those rare occasions

when you're not messing around with her.

Messing around?

I'll have you understand that my...

My contact with your wife

is purely professional.

- That's what I resent.

- What do you mean?

What right have you

to make my wife over?

You've enlarged her here

and reduced her there

and you've even done something to

her knees, and I liked them as they were.

I married those knees

for better or for worse.

Madam Caron merely asked me

to add a couple of dimples.

And I contend, and every

right-thinking husband will back me up,

that dimples give a distinctly

gaga expression to the kneecap.

Quite unsuited to my wife.

Listen, when you make

motorbuses for the public,

you improve their lines,

don't you?

Have you...

What right have you to classify

my wife as a public conveyance, huh?

Where is she? Now, you've got her

around here somewhere.

You can't go in there.

Oh. Why not?

She might not be dressed.

- I'll see.

- Well, you tell her that...

Oh, you'll see,

but I can't.

Doctor, the Countess says

that she must see you.

Rita? Oh, no, she mustn't.

Get rid of her.

She won't go.

Oh, all right, I'll see her.

And show this gentleman out.

Doctor, put my wife back the way she was

when I married her or I'll take steps.

I don't know in what direction,

but I'll take steps.

(SCREAMING)

Perhaps I'd better

precede you.

I am the Mirwalk of Sogron.

I want all my wives done over.

GRETA: Yes, yes, of course!

Just wait here a minute, please.

MIRWALK: Thank you.

So, you finally

decided to see me.

Rita, please.

Send her out.

Annie, stay right there.

(STAMMERING) Rita, I'm very busy

this morning.

I thought it was understood that

we had finished with your treatments.

Oh, no, we haven't. You can't

cast me aside like a... Like a...

A worn-out glove?

Yes, a worn-out glove.

Oh, I know you're tired of me.

I know why you always say you're busy

when I suggest going to your apartment.

Yet other women go there,

dozens of them!

I won't stand for such

treatment any longer.

You act as if I were

no better than the... The...

The dirt under his feet?

Yes, the dirt

under your feet.

I ought to sh**t you down like...

Like...

Like a dog?

Like a dog.

How did you know?

Oh, I just thought

it might be.

Hmm.

If only I had something

to sh**t you with.

- Thank you.

- Annie!

(CLICKING)

Why doesn't it sh**t?

No b*ll*ts.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

What's this?

The first chapter

of your new book.

I typed it at home.

Mmm. Very nice. Very neat.

When will you dictate

the second chapter?

Oh, I don't know, Annie. I never

get any time. Perhaps this afternoon.

Oh, any time at all.

- Annie!

- Yes?

Your nose is shiny.

Why can't you use a little powder?

It's bad for business.

Not necessarily. Why not point me out

as a horrible example?

If my patients were like you,

I'd starve to death.

And if I were like your patients,

I'd want to.

Everything all right?

Very successful,

monsieur, very.

And here's

100 francs for you.

Good day, monsieur.

Excuse me.

Could you direct me

to Dr. Lamar's Temple of Beauty?

- Right there.

- Thank you.

But you can't get in.

Oh, yes, I can.

I'm an old friend of the doctor's.

Oh, you could be his Siamese twin

and still not get in without these.

But I don't need...

It'll only cost you 100 francs, and

you'll never get more for your money.

Thank you.

Did you have

any definite ideas?

Yes.

I went to the Folies Bergre

last night.

There was an act called

"A Night in the Orient."

If this is a night in the Orient,

I'm being gypped.

I want them all done over

to look like this. Will it take long?

Oh, yes. Several days.

Please call me

when they are finished.

You can get me at the...

At the Claridge.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

(WOMEN CHATTERING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

There he is, under here,

girls. Get him out.

A man in here.

Hurry up, get him out!

It's a mistake, ladies.

I know the doctor well.

Dr. Lamar is a friend of mine.

Please, ladies!

Please now, ladies,

Dr. Lamar is a friend of mine,

if you'll just give me

a chance to explain, I...

What's this?

We found this man

molesting the patients.

Why, I wasn't

molesting anybody.

I was looking for you,

Maurice.

Why, Max! Is that you?

Max, I haven't seen you in years.

What are you doing with those on?

Why, I had to see you,

and they told me that this was

the only way I could get in.

Oh. Well, come on, sit down.

Tell me about yourself.

Remember when we were going to

set the world on fire

- with our scientific discoveries?

- Yes.

Say, Max, whatever happened to that serum

you were working on last time I saw you?

That's what I came

to see you about.

Another two months

and victory will be mine.

Of course

in the meantime, I...

In the meantime, you want me

to lend you some money.

Yes. Will you?

I will not!

Max, you've got to stop wasting

your life on a lot of guinea pigs.

I've got something better

for you to work on.

- What?

- Women.

Women?

Yes, yes, you've heard

of them, haven't you?

I want you to move in here

and work with me.

Thanks, Maurice,

but I'm afraid I can't.

Why not? In the old days

we always planned to work together.

I know, but

that was to be

scientific.

Oh, and this isn't,

I suppose.

Let me tell you, the work I'm doing today

is just as important as the work I did

after I graduated

from medical school.

Don't you realize that ugliness is

a disease, and that in curing it,

I'm bringing beauty and joy

into hundreds of lives?

- Oh, Doctor.

- Yes?

That new patient

is prepared.

Right. Come on, Max.

- Me?

- Yes, you.

Ah, Madame Severac?

Yes.

I'm Dr. Lamar and

this is Dr. Pascal.

Now, my dear, just relax.

Just relax.

Now, what can I

do for you?

I want to be beautiful.

I see.

This will have to

be lifted.

Yes, Doctor.

This will have

to be lifted.

Yes, Doctor.

Yes, Doctor.

Did you make

a mask of madame?

Oh, yes, Doctor.

Now, what do you wish

to look like, madame?

Why, just beautiful.

MAURICE: I see.

Like this, perhaps?

There!

You mean I can

look like that?

Yes, indeed,

Madame Severac.

Your first treatment

will be Tuesday at 4:30.

My secretary will speak

to you about the fee.

In the meantime, have no fears.

You shall be beautiful.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Thank you so much.

Don't mention it. I shall see you

on Tuesday. Come, Max.

Well, what do you say now?

Isn't she more beautiful already?

She certainly seemed to be.

Is she going to get her

husband back, or isn't she?

You saw the tragic state

she was in.

I'll make her

the happiest woman in the world.

Once more, Max,

a doctor has saved a life.

Well, what do you say

about our proposition?

You can name your

own salary to start

and later work up to

an interest in the business.

I don't want to seem

ungrateful, Maurice,

but I don't think I'd

fit into a place like this.

- Just as you like.

- I'm sorry.

Goodbye, Maurice.

Goodbye, Max.

Oh, Doctor. Madame Caron is

waiting to have the bandages removed.

Madame Caron, waiting?

How long?

Oh, about an hour.

You've kept Madame Caron waiting an hour?

Why didn't you tell me?

You were busy.

Don't tell me there's still

something you don't like?

It suddenly occurred to me

I won't be seeing you anymore.

Why not?

Because my work is done.

You are perfect.

Really?

Well, of course we ought to

have a complete check-up.

Vilma, get ready

for a check-up.

No. I'll check Madame Caron.

The weight first.

Your husband was

here this morning.

Oh, can't we talk about

something pleasant?

You know, we won't get

the proper result if you do that.

How do you know we won't?

It disturbs the balance.

Whose?

- The scale's.

- Oh.

Perfect! I couldn't

ask for more.

No, I suppose not.

Now over here, please.

Are you so strictly professional

with all your patients?

No.

Well, then why

am I so honored?

Because I'm afraid.

Of me?

No, of myself.

You see, I might

fall in love with you.

And would that be

such a calamity?

Yes, it would.

There is only one way

I can afford to love you.

How?

In the way that

Pygmalion loved Galatea.

In the way that every artist

loves the masterpiece he has created.

You are my creation,

you know.

When you first came to me,

you were merely pretty.

Little by little, I molded you,

as Pygmalion molded his statue,

until you became

my most beautiful achievement.

It all sounds very poetic,

but not terribly thrilling.

It could be

terribly thrilling if...

If what?

It's just as well

you're going out of my life.

Must I?

Why?

Because...

Because what?

Because there's nothing more

I can do for you.

Are you sure?

Will you do me

a great favor?

What?

Put this on.

I'll mail you the measurements.

Goodbye.

Has the doctor finished

with madame?

He only thinks he has.

Anything wrong?

No, I got away.

Was she difficult?

Very difficult.

Oh, why can't

women be sensible?

Probably because

you won't let them.

What do you mean?

I mean that you've built yourself up

into such a glamorous figure

that all these women are dazzled

into thinking they're in love with you.

But it isn't you they fall for,

it's just the trimmings.

Yes, I suppose you're right.

It's just a little hard on

one's self-esteem to have to admit it.

It's nothing to feel

badly about.

These aren't the kind of women

who can appreciate your real qualities.

And you have them, you know, even

if they are being wasted around here.

Why, Annie, I didn't know you were

so interested in my welfare.

Well, who said I was?

- Here. You better look at these.

- Must I?

Well, this one, anyway.

It's an invitation to speak

at the International Beauty Congress.

Oh, yes. Tell them I'll be there.

And you handle the others.

- Annie!

- Yes?

- You've powdered your nose.

- Yes.

Well, it seemed

the simplest way.

I think some air

will do me good.

- When will you be back?

- Oh, I don't know.

Annie, are you

busy tonight?

Why, no.

I can come back here

any time you like.

No, no, I didn't mean that.

How about coming up

to my apartment?

Your apartment?

Yes, yes. I thought I might

get in some good work.

- On the book.

- Oh.

We'll have plenty of time

and won't be disturbed.

You don't have to,

you know.

Oh, I don't mind

in the least.

Is the doctor at home?

Yes, mademoiselle,

he's expecting you.

I shall tell the doctor

mademoiselle is here.

Thank you.

JEAN: The doctor will be

here immediately.

Thank you.

MAURICE: Good evening, Annie.

You don't mind if I'm not dressed?

I say, you don't mind

if I'm not dressed?

Oh, no, not at all.

You see, I do like

to be comfortable.

Of course.

Well, do you like it?

Oh, it's beautiful.

And so are the pictures.

Are they patients?

No, Annie, not patients,

episodes. Lovely episodes.

Oh, I see.

"Lovely episodes."

- You look very lovely yourself, Annie.

- Do I?

You certainly do.

That's a charming dress.

You know, at the office one is apt

to forget that an efficient secretary

can also be

a very pretty girl.

Thank you.

Well, shall we begin?

Begin?

(JEAN CLEARING THROAT)

What is it, Jean?

Is there anything you want,

sir, before I go out?

No, I don't think so.

Good night.

Good night, sir.

I'm sure we won't need

all these lights.

There.

That's better, isn't it?

Is it?

Now, before we go any further,

won't you have some wine?

It probably will help.

Fine.

Now, sit right down here

and I'll get it for you.

(CORK POPPING)

Here you are.

Here's to... What?

To what?

To lovely episodes?

Splendid!

To lovely episodes.

Now, shall we get started?

Why not?

Well, where's your book?

Book?

Certainly. You can't start

dictation without a book.

Oh! No, no,

of course not.

Now, let me see,

where did we stop?

"Every woman wants love."

Oh, yes, yes. "Every woman wants love."

Mmm-hmm.

To deprive a woman of love

is to deprive her of life itself. Yeah.

But, unfortunately,

men are selfish brutes and they...

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Oh, what was that last?

"Men are selfish brutes."

Oh, yeah, yeah. Men are selfish brutes

and they demand beauty.

Beauty at any price.

(PLAYING PIANO)

Annie, I'm afraid I'm not in the mood

for dictating tonight. Do you mind?

Would you get us some wine

like a good girl?

I'll get it, but I'm not sure

it'll be like a good girl.

(PLAYING ALONG WITH ACCORDION)

(HUMMING)

(SINGING) There never was

a night like this

There never was

a girl like you

Each moment of delight

like this

Is love divided by two

Your loveliness will glorify

That happiness

I have in view

And I'll have

even more if I

Divide the glory with you

Do I hit the ceiling

Whenever you're near?

I don't hit the ceiling

I hit the stratosphere

My heart is at

the height of joy

No beauty can compare

with you

This night will be

a night of joy

And love divided by two

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. What?

I simply must

see you at once.

No, I can't explain

over the telephone.

178 Avenue Wagram.

Yes, as soon as I get

some clothes on. Goodbye.

That was Madame Caron.

I'm sorry we didn't get any farther,

but it was nice of you

to have come, anyway.

If you'll tell me where you live,

I'll drop you off.

No, thank you.

That won't be necessary.

You mustn't keep Madame Caron waiting.

Good night.

(CRYING)

You must always remain as beautiful

as you are at this moment.

But how can I?

Continue the treatments

I've given you,

keep out of the sun,

wind and rain.

Care for your face morning,

noon and night.

Continue your diet

and electrical massage.

Bandage your ankles.

Wear gloves to bed.

Exercise daily and most important of all,

no excitement.

No emotional strain.

Does that include love?

Oh, absolutely.

Love causes more wrinkles

than anything else in the world.

Oh, but what if I

can't help myself?

What if I'm already in love

with the most wonderful...

But you cannot afford

to love.

A less perfect woman, perhaps,

but not you. You are too beautiful.

MARCEL: Is that so?

Even you'll admit

she's too beautiful.

You, the wrecker of my home.

- Are you mad?

- Yes, good and mad.

You get that way

when somebody steals your wife.

Now, Marcel, whatever you think,

you are mistaken.

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

A typical wifely remark.

Oh, you beast!

Now, now, no excitement.

Excitement sags the face muscles.

I can't think of my face

at a time like this.

Oh, I don't mean your face,

I mean your wife's.

Now just try to relax.

Splendid.

But he accused me

of being faithless.

Not of being faithless.

Of desertion.

For the past year you've been so busy

with his treatments

you've had no time for me.

Your wife wanted to be beautiful

so that she could appeal to you.

That is a lie.

I hate thin women, she reduces.

I hate red fingernails. Every man does.

So she paints hers every day.

She's not a wife to me,

she's an advertisement for you.

I'm surprised at you, sir. You should be

proud to have a wife so lovely.

Why, did you ever see

such classical features?

Perfect.

Such flawless skin?

Marvelous.

Such a superb figure?

Magnificent.

Well, then you do approve.

Certainly not.

She won't do at all.

What did you say?

I said she won't

do at all.

The woman I married was

just pretty enough.

In warm climates, men would occasionally

turn to look at her.

You've turned her into something

to attract the American tourist.

I have turned her into

a masterpiece of loveliness.

I don't want a masterpiece

of loveliness.

Do you realize what the husband

of a woman like that is up against?

There'll be lovers

in the shrubbery.

Lovers on the balcony.

Only today, I found a dark Spanish fellow

lurking in my vestibule.

Oh, my nerves are

absolutely wrecked.

Have you quite finished

insulting me?

Yes, I believe I have.

And tomorrow,

I'm suing you for divorce.

How dare you!

Now, remember,

no excitement.

Smile, if possible.

And in the name

of the husbands of the world,

I'm naming you

as co-respondent.

Smile, if possible.

Doctor, you've sinned with your scissors

and other surgical instruments.

You've lured her with lotions,

corrupted her with...

What was the name of that goo?

Creme Supreme.

Fortunately, I've been getting used to

doing without your company.

All these treatments have

kept us apart so much,

it's like saying goodbye

to a lovely stranger.

Goodbye, madame.

And may heaven help your next husband.

In India, when a husband

is about to divorce his wife,

he puts a betel nut

under her pillow.

Therefore I say, madame,

betel nuts to you.

How can you smile

at a time like this?

Because you told me to.

And because now you need

never lose your masterpiece.

My beautiful Eve,

I must have loved you all the time.

Oh, my darling, as soon as I'm free

we can be married.

Who said anything

about marriage?

Very well.

I know what I shall do.

It's desperate, but so am I.

- You're not going to sue me?

- No.

- sh**t me?

- No.

Not sh**t yourself?

You're getting warmer.

Eve, tell me, please.

I shall get fat.

No!

I shall get fat in

all the wrong places.

Eve, you couldn't

do that to me.

Why not?

What can life mean to me without you?

From this moment I shall let myself go.

I shall neglect my skin.

I shall give up dieting and massage.

I'll never exercise and live only

for excitement.

In other words,

I shall destroy your masterpiece.

You would destroy

your beauty for my sake?

Why not?

I've no desire to be beautiful

in the eyes of other men,

if you don't want me.

Oh, Eve. I do, I do.

Beauty at any price.

Sweetheart.

(MAURICE AND EVE MOANING)

EVE: Now you must go.

Go? Why?

Because we mustn't spoil it.

It's all so beautiful.

I can't imagine why you didn't want

to come to this convention.

- But, darling, on our honeymoon?

- Why not?

You'll be very proud of me

in front of all those other doctors

and I'll be proud

of you, too.

All right, sweet,

anything you say.

(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, darling, not here.

It's too public.

But, sweet, this is

our honeymoon.

Yes, honey, but let's

wait for the moon.

(LAUGHING)

Ah, look at that sea,

that limitless expanse of blue.

Come on. Come on,

let's go for a swim.

- But darling, have you lost your mind?

- I hope so.

One should on a honeymoon.

Come on.

But how many times have you

told me yourself

that there's nothing worse for the skin

and hair than bathing in salt water?

Oh, that's true.

I forgot.

Yes, I'd be a fine

advertisement for you

at the convention tonight,

wouldn't I?

Yeah, I suppose you're right, dear.

I didn't think of the convention.

- What time is the dinner?

- Oh, about 8:00.

8:00? But darling, it's nearly 5:00 now,

I must start dressing at once.

You'll just about

be able to make it.

MAURICE: Well, what am I

going to do for three hours?

Why don't you dictate

to that stenographer

you insisted on bringing along?

That's a good idea.

She went swimming.

She'll look terrible tonight.

There she is now. Annie!

Annie, wait!

Hello.

Hello.

(HUMMING)

(EVE SCREAMING)

Oh, Rolando!

What are you doing here?

You promised not to follow me.

I told you,

I cannot live without you.

Do you want me

to call my husband?

No, it is you I want.

- Go away. You are mad.

- Yes, I am mad.

Mad with this love

of you in my soul.

Shh!

- You don't understand.

- Yes, I understand.

You are here with another man,

but he shall not have you.

Did you ever see

so many freckles?

I never did.

They're fascinating.

You've no idea how long

it's been since I've run into

anything as natural

as freckles.

Hang on to yours,

won't you?

I don't see

how I can help it.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Have you been here long?

No, just a few days.

I came to the Riviera

right after my divorce.

Sort of a honeymoon,

you might say.

- Honeymoon?

- Yes.

My last marriage taught me

that the right time for a honeymoon

is just after the divorce.

And alone.

Then you're

sort of celebrating.

Indeed I am.

This is the happiest moment

of my entire married life.

Why did you leave Paris

without telling me?

Well, I... I left very suddenly.

Of course!

With this other man, huh?

It wasn't a man.

It was my husband!

You have no husband.

Oh, yes, I have.

I was married this morning.

- A new husband?

- Yes.

Oh.

Why did you not say so?

I cannot be jealous

of a husband.

No.

- Kiss me, my love.

- Oh, no, no, no!

EVE: No, no, no, please.

No, no, please. No, no!

(MOANING)

- The husband?

- Yes.

Who are you?

My name is Rolando Manuel Cristobal

Martinez Correro Fernandez Corragio...

Never mind, that's enough.

What are you doing here?

I love your wife.

So...

Darling, whatever you think,

you are mistaken.

How long have you loved her,

if I'm not too inquisitive?

For two whole weeks

I have been her sl*ve.

Is that all?

Is that all, two weeks

or is that all, her sl*ve?

Is that all, her sl*ve.

That is all, so far.

Yes. Well, so far, so good.

(ROLANDO PROTESTING

IN SPANISH)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. Yes.

Well, this is indeed

an honor.

Yes, of course I accept.

Yes, indeed. 7:30 sharp.

I'll be there. Goodbye.

Eve! What do you think?

The cosmeticians have

elected me President.

Not really?

Yes. Do you know what

an honor that is?

The biggest men

in the profession are here,

Hertzman, d'Orsay, Factor, DeSano.

And yet it is your husband

they've elected President.

The convention dinner

starts at 7:30.

The President cannot

be late.

Of course not, darling.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in!

Oh, hello, Annie.

Here's your speech

for tonight.

Will you want me anymore?

No. No, thanks.

Oh, I'm so glad. If I can let

a gentleman know right away,

I have a dinner engagement.

You have what?

A dinner engagement.

I can be dressed

in 10 minutes.

You can dress

in 10 minutes?

Zippers permitting.

Oh, so you've found

a friend already, eh?

Why, yes.

I met him in the water.

Do you allow men to

pick you up in the water?

Why not? One weighs

so much less there.

Well, you certainly

have changed.

I never thought you were

the kind of girl that would...

Oh, never mind, Annie.

Run along and enjoy yourself.

I hope you have a very pleasant evening.

Thank you.

The same to you.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Oh, my dear friend, I'm terribly sorry.

We're coming right down.

Eve, you've got to hurry.

You're ruining my career.

Darling, what would

you like me to wear?

First I thought the blue,

but then green is so smart this year.

The trouble is, I look

so much better in yellow...

Look, sweet,

any one of them is all right.

Oh, but, darling,

I can't decide.

Well, why don't you wear one

and carry the other two on your arm?

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

I think I'll have some

corned beef and cabbage.

Make that two orders.

I love corned beef

and cabbage.

Will you marry me?

Because I like corned beef

and cabbage?

Yes, and because

you're real.

No powder, no rouge,

no artificialities.

Oh, you've no idea what a relief it is

after all I've been through.

I know just how

you must feel.

It's nice to see

naturally curly hair too, for a change.

Oh, it's nothing

out of the ordinary.

Yes, it is. Why,

it's just the kind I like.

Now, what is it?

Darling, I just want

to touch up my lips.

What do you think you've been doing

for the last four hours?

Now, don't be cross,

darling.

Your masterpiece is only trying

to look masterpiecey.

There.

Are you ready, darling?

All ready.

It's over!

Yes, all over.

You mean there's nothing to eat?

And I'm starving.

Per signore.

Corned beef and cabbage.

A penny for your thoughts.

ANNIE: (SINGING)

I'm simply wild about you

I couldn't do without you

Corned beef and cabbage,

I love you

You always set me raving

You satisfy that craving

Corned beef and cabbage,

I love you

If I could have you every day

My life would have more spice

And even if I have to pay

I'd gladly pay the price

I see you and surrender

Oh, won't you please be tender

Corned beef and cabbage,

I love you

(SINGING) I'm always happy when you

Are featured on the menu

Corned beef and cabbage,

I love you

Although you're so plebeian

You're fit for any queen

Corned beef and cabbage,

I love you

You fill me with

a strange desire

That haunts me

all night through

You seem to set

my heart on fire

You give me heartburn, too

Really? Why don't you

try a load of

Bicarbonate of soda

- Corned beef

- And cabbage

- I love you

- I love you

What's this pork chop

la Pompadour?

Ah, it is a chop, signore,

with a very fine crme sauce,

potatoes, asparagus, stuffed tomato,

and other fresh vegetables.

It is a poem.

Good. Bring us

two orders of that.

Oh, no, no, Maurice.

Too much starch.

Look, darling, I'm hungry. You order

what you like, but I want a pork chop.

Oh, but you wouldn't have

the heart to eat all those good things

right in front of me

when you know I'm fairly starved.

You order.

Well, bring me a small slice

of very lean ham,

fresh lettuce, melba toast

and, oh, yes,

some mineral water.

Now, order whatever

you like, dear.

What's the difference?

Bring me the same.

Well, it's the exact diet

you prescribed, darling.

Good night and

thanks so much.

Good night.

(HUMMING)

(SINGING) I love you

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

- I told you so.

- What do you mean?

That's that Spanish vestibule lurker

I was telling you about.

How was the

beauticians' banquet?

Well, I don't know,

you see, because when I...

When you arrived,

they'd all gone.

How did you know?

It doesn't matter.

I fell asleep.

While Eve was dressing.

Yes.

That's one method.

Personally, I used to read a good book.

Prosit.

Prosit.

You wanted to go for a swim

this afternoon, didn't you?

Yes.

- But you couldn't go.

- No.

Prosit.

Prosit.

You wanted a good dinner.

Yes.

But you got lean ham

and fresh lettuce.

Yes.

Prosit.

Prosit.

Prosit.

Darling, my love for you

made me jealous.

Will you forgive me?

51, 52, 53, 54, 55...

On a night like this, there should be

no bitterness, only beauty and romance.

59, 60, 61, 62, 63...

One has only to look

at that moon to realize that

love is the only thing

in the world worth having.

68, 69, 70.

I shan't be

a minute, darling.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Darling, I'm out of

cleansing cream.

You could have said anything.

North Pole, gold standard,

bicarbonate of soda,

and nothing could have k*lled my mood

like that hideous little sentence,

"I'm out of cleansing cream."

Now, don't make me

nervous again, darling.

Your secretary must

have some samples.

I'll ask her

to bring me a jar.

What, now?

Well, of course.

How else can I remove my makeup?

Or would you rather

I went to bed with it on?

Do just as you like.

Room 698, please.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Did I wake you up?

No, I couldn't go to sleep.

Cleansing cream? Yes.

Yes, I'll bring it.

She wasn't asleep.

Are you angry because I called her?

No, and I'm not going to be angry

about anything anymore tonight.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Well, come in.

Thank you, Annie.

You're quite welcome.

I shan't be long, darling.

What is it, Annie?

Nothing.

- Tell me.

- Nothing, really.

I'd better get some sleep.

What is it, please?

You haven't enough heart

to understand.

I'm going back to Paris

in the morning.

Annie, I won't allow that.

Oh, you won't? Well, I don't know

how you're going to stop me.

- You don't know what you're saying.

- Don't I?

- But, Annie, please...

- Stop it! Don't touch me.

Don't even speak to me.

EVE: What's the trouble,

darling?

Why don't you answer?

Your darling is calling you.

(SOBBING)

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(HUMMING)

(SINGING) Once I thought a husband

and a lover

Were two men, not one

I thought romance was only

A game of kiss and run

Now I'm both

a husband and a lover

And really it's fun

There never was

a night like this

There never was

a girl like you

Each moment of delight

like this

Is love divided by two

Your loveliness will glorify

That happiness

I have in view

And I'll have even more

If I divide the glory

with you

EVE: (SINGING)

Love that's all one-sided

Leads only to sighs

But when love's divided

Somehow it multiplies

BOTH: (SINGING) My heart

is at the height of joy

No beauty can compare

with you

This night will be

a night of joy

And love divided by two

Kiss me.

No! No!

Don't you love me

anymore?

Oh, how can I love you when

you look like a walking beauty parlor?

- Maurice!

- It's true.

We come to the seashore

and I can't swim with you.

I take you to dinner

and I can't eat with you.

I've become

your husband and...

I tell you, I've had enough.

I can't stand any more.

Well, what are you

going to do?

I'm gonna get myself

another room!

Are you going crazy?

No, I'm just

getting over it!

MAURICE'S VOICE:

Smile, if possible.

Hello. Dr. Lamar's

Temple of Beauty.

But, Madame Bordeau,

your appointment was for yesterday.

- It was yesterday, wasn't it?

- Just a minute, please.

You must have forgotten

to write it down.

But, madame, it was yesterday.

I'm looking at the records.

WOMAN: You'll have to make

another appointment. I'm sorry.

Does anyone know anything about

Madame Curio's liver spots?

One moment, please.

Aren't they down in the book?

Yes, madame, I will.

Are Madame Curio's

liver spots down in the book?

I haven't seen

a thing of them.

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way

about it, madame, but...

Hello. Dr. Lamar's

Temple of Beauty.

I just don't see

how Anne managed.

(DUPONT SCREAMING)

DUPONT: Oh. Look what

they've done to me!

Come quickly, someone.

It's Madame Dupont.

DUPONT: I've been m*rder*d,

that's what happened to me!

Go see what that is,

quickly. Hurry!

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. Oh, no, madame,

the doctor is not here.

Oh, he'll be away for

at least another week.

No, no, really, ladies,

I can see no one today.

Oh, pardon me, madame.

He has just come in.

What is all this?

Well, we weren't expecting

you back so soon.

Where's Annie?

Isn't she with you?

She came back three days ago.

Haven't you seen her?

No, sir.

I will sue! I will sue!

Where is he?

He shall pay for this.

Oh, there you are.

Is something the matter?

Is something the matter?

Look!

Madame! What has happened?

You have ruined my life.

That's what has happened.

But you shall pay for it.

You shall pay!

(WOMEN GASPING)

Look! This is what they

do to you in this place!

Look! My beautiful,

beautiful hair!

You... You idiots! What are you trying

to do, ruin my career?

Such a thing couldn't have happened

if Annie had been here.

Find her for me at once.

I'm taking delivery.

Here's your check.

Wait! Stop!

Goodbye.

Where are you going?

We have a contract

with a nightclub.

I'll sue you!

You shall pay for this!

Oh, what next?

- Doctor.

- What is it now?

Would you care to interview

a new patient?

No!

Wait a minute. I'd better see her.

I've probably lost all the others.

Now, madame,

what can I do for you?

I want to be beautiful.

Oh, yes, yes.

I know. They all do.

What is your husband's

chief complaint?

Nothing.

- Andr loves me just as I am.

- Is that so?

Yes, but I want to

surprise him.

Poor Andr.

Oh, well, that's

none of my affair.

- I'm going to give you a diet.

- Yes?

Lean ham and

fresh lettuce.

Melba toast without butter.

But your husband can eat

anything he likes, understand?

Of course.

At night bandage your ankles,

cold cream your face, wear gloves...

Oh, I can't do it.

Madame, forget everything I've told you

and go home to your husband.

If you want to surprise him,

present him with a pair of healthy twins.

That's surprise enough

for any man.

And if you want further

cosmetic advice, take this.

To reduce,

scrub the floors.

To beautify your face, wash it

in cold water with plenty of good soap,

so that if your husband

wants to kiss you, he can.

That's all.

Doctor, what do I owe you?

Everlasting gratitude.

Good day.

Oh, good day.

Good day, Doctor.

Get me Dr. Max Pascal.

(PHONE RINGING)

Genevieve! Not again.

Hello.

You don't mean it. Maurice!

But I do mean it.

I'm through with cosmetics forever.

Bring over all your stuff

and move in today.

I'll be there in an hour.

Yes, yes, yes!

Goodbye.

A scientific laboratory,

just as we planned.

Well, if I had known

you were going to be so dull,

I would never have

left my husband.

Dull? What do

you mean, dull?

You're not as affectionate

as you used to be.

What did you expect

on lettuce?

Well, rabbits seem

to do all right.

But the doctor is

back in town now, yes,

and he will give your case

his personal attention.

Thank you. Goodbye.

- GRETA: I'm so glad to see you.

- I'm glad to see you.

- Did you have a nice trip?

- Oh, lovely.

Oh, what an

attractive suit.

- Do you like it?

- Oh, it's lovely.

Thank you for letting me

know he was back.

I'd have called you anyway.

He's terribly anxious to see you.

Not half as anxious

as I am to see him.

So, this is the time

you show up for work.

Everything's gone to

the devil around here.

Does that mean

nothing to you?

Less than nothing.

What?

Apparently you didn't believe me

when I told you I was quitting, but I am.

Where are you going?

I'm going downstairs to the taxi

that's taking me to my wedding.

- Why, married...

- Oh, get out.

But, Annie...

You don't know

what's happened.

Now, of all times,

you mustn't leave me.

Why not?

Because I'm through

with cosmetics forever.

That's what you always wanted,

wasn't it?

Yes.

Well, I'm going to turn this place

into a scientific laboratory.

- It's too late.

- Why?

I'm going to

marry Marcel.

Marcel? What Marcel...

- Not Eve's Marcel.

- Yes.

Oh, I don't believe it.

Marcel.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Marcel, the doctor doesn't believe

we're going to get married.

He doesn't? Then the doctor is

going to feel pretty silly

when he sees us

in the newsreel.

Look here, you can't get away with this.

I won't allow it.

Well, I don't know how you're going

to stop it. Annie's in love with me.

I don't believe that, either.

Is this man attractive to you?

- Of course.

- Show me one attractive feature.

Look at that profile.

Can't you see that

his nose is all wrong

and that his eyes are

too close together?

- Say...

- And look at those teeth.

Well, after all, she's picking out

a husband, not a horse.

Go on, just show me

one attractive feature.

Well, he has

beautiful, curly hair.

So, all our work, our mutual interest,

all the things we've been to each other

are to be thrown into

the discard because Marcel

happens to have

a wave in his hair.

Come, Marcel,

the taxi is waiting.

Coming, darling.

What right have you to take her

away from me? I love her.

Yes? Well,

I loved Eve.

Remember? Goodbye.

(CHATTERING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Annie!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Follow that cab! Get in!

Faster, faster.

MAURICE: Don't lose that girl.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Where is he? Where is he?

- Which one?

- Well, they took him over there.

He's been scalped!

MAN: No, madame,

just a toupee.

(ANNIE EXCLAIMING)

Darling, speak to me.

Speak to me. Are you all right?

(GROANING)

- What's the idea?

- I love you.