- MAN: you're late.
- I know, I'm sorry.
- I-- there was
a lot of traffic...
slate, please.
- traffic.
- slate.
- uh, Liam Liu.
- profile.
So, you know
Kung Fu?
Uh...
What color belt
are you?
Uh...
I-- I don't
have a belt.
Oh, you know what I love?
I love suspenders.
- You don't know
martial arts?
no...
It says on your resume
that you know martial arts.
Is-- is there martial arts
in this commercial?
I thought it was
for toothpaste.
- where are you from?
- New York City.
Uh, Queens, actually,
but I went to Dalton,
So I retain
the same elitist...
- no, I mean
what's your ethnicity?
oh, I'm Chinese.
You speak Chinese?
- not fluently.
- (chuckles)
Is says here,
"speaks Chinese fluently."
I'm sorry, is--
is there Chinese
in this commercial?
I thought
it was like...?
Okay, thank you very
much for coming, Liam.
What?
That's it?
I didn't even
get to read yet.
Well, we're looking
for Japanese, actually.
WOMAN:
don't be sad.
What?
You look sad,
don't be.
It's--
it's my car.
You know, it just
got towed because of
a few parking tickets,
Which is why
I guess I'm here
Utilizing L.A.'s
fabulous, you know, public
transportation system.
Well...
somebody told me,
I don't know who
whenever you
are sad and blue
and you're feeling
all alone and left behind
just take a look
inside you and you'll find
you've got to hold on,
hold on through the night
hang on,
things'll be all right
even when it's dark
and not a bit of spark
sing some sunshine
from above
spreading grace
of sunny love
- mm-mm-mmm.
- (claps)
Hey, that's--
"Rays of Sunny Love"
is great,
but I still don't
have my car.
Well, think of it
on the bright side--
And what's that?
You never would have gotten
to meet me, silly goose.
Do you want to get
a cup of coffee with me?
You see, if I go home now,
then I'll be home alone,
and it's a little scary.
How old are you?
Why? Is it ill*gal
to share a caffeinated
beverage with a minor?
I-- I really shouldn't.
I mean, it just
wouldn't be logical.
What if I'm the one?
The-- the one?
If I am, then you'd feel
pretty stupid not having
a cup of coffee with me.
I guess so.
I mean, I'm not saying
that I am the one,
There's just always
that possibility, you know?
And isn't that
what life's about--
possibilities?
I-- I really shouldn't.
You can do anything
you want to.
It's the beauty
of living.
Wow.
(laughs)
(rock music playing)
Liam:
every time I go out
on something, Joe,
It's always for some
Kung Fu, deli store,
- computer Chinese--
- you're a little Chinese guy.
You're gonna go out for roles
for little Chinese guys...
I was born in New York!
How about-- how about a role
for somebody born in New York?
Nobody asked you to quit
college and try your hand
at the lucrative world
of motion picture and
television acting.
What-- what am I gonna
do with a degree?
I'm gonna spend
eight hours a day
trapped in a little cubicle,
raking one of those
desktop zen gardens.
Hey, I'd prefer that over
spending all your damn time
- with Malibu Barbie.
- Her name is Adelaide...
- all right.
-...And she's
a really sweet girl.
You-- you haven't even
given her a chance.
- She's 16 years old.
- She's applying to Stanford,
did I tell you that?
Anybody can
apply to Stanford.
You want some of that?
At least I don't go
online to meet girls.
Hey now, God invented
match.com for a reason,
and that reason is me.
(laughs)
Look, one even replied
to me last night.
- You wouldn't
like her, though.
Why?
- She's Asian.
- Ah...
No, but I'm happy
for you.
I hope she
love you long time.
Thank you.
Look, I gotta go.
It's late and I gotta
try to write something.
I'm still blocked,
you know?
- You know, most writers have
to write something first...
(cell phone ringing)
...before getting blocked.
You can't be impotent
without first being potent.
- and what the hell
was that?
What?
I know that
that's your dad calling,
Because you got that
stupid little ring
so that you know
it's your dad calling.
And by the way, he knows
you send him to voicemail.
- He doesn't know sh*t.
- Yes he does, because
you push "end."
You can't push "end,"
it only rings twice then
goes to voicemail.
- You gotta let it go
all the way through...
I don't want to talk to him.
Why? He's the one supporting
your hedonistic lifestyle.
My dad's a drunk.
My dad's insane.
You don't know my dad.
Forget about your dad.
And forget about Malibu Adi.
Check this blonde
at the bar out.
She's gorgeous.
- Which one?
- The one in pink...
- The place is
swimming in blondes.
with the straw...
Sucking on that straw like
she knows what she's doing.
Dude, she's like
an 8.9... at least.
- 8.9?!
- Yeah.
Let me tell you something,
my friend.
This girl represents
everything that is wrong
with this society--
From her fake t*ts
to her fake nose,
to that-- that fake
f*cking smile--
you see that?
--to her fake
f*cking Dior bag.
How do you know
her bag's fake?
You know what's the worst part?
She gets away with that.
She gets away with not having
anything close to resembling
a real personality.
Bag looks real to me.
(girl laughs)
Let me guess--
Capricorn.
- Libra.
- Close enough.
You wanna
buy me a drink?
What makes you think
you deserve a drink?
Uh, because I'm
a good person,
by Hollywood standards
anyway.
By normal standards,
I'm a f*cking as*h*le.
Do you-- you think
I'm a good person?
Well, I don't even
know you.
Well, the truth is,
I think you're
really cute
and I was compelled
to meet you.
And normally
I wouldn't succumb
to my compulsions so easily,
but I'm trying to embrace
a new philosophy of life
that involves succumbing.
And, I mean, if-- if I
have to succumb,
I'm glad I'm
succumbing on you.
Hey--
Think of this drink as...
as an investment
for the possibility
of mutual growth
in this potential
relationship.
And years from now,
when our daughter jumps
into your lap
and asks you, "Oh, how did
mommy and daddy meet?"
You can look at
this drink
as the best investment
you ever made.
But I-- you know,
I gotta know
if you're really
committed to continuing
this conversation
before I waste my time,
and just go-- be talking
and nothing happens.
I'm Georgia,
by the way.
Ge-- what a coincidence.
That is my favorite
confederate state.
(phone rings)
ANSWERIMG MACHINE:
This is Liam. I'm not here
right now. Leave a message.
(beeps)
Liam, this is Mark Liu
your father.
Where are you anyway?
It's 2:00 A.M.
You should be at home--
it's dangerous to be
out there, you know?
So many STDs.
I don't want you
getting hepatitis.
Understand?
I hate talking
to machines.
- (bashes machine)
- (beeping)
Do you want
to call him?
Sorry.
You're not a very
rich guy, are you?
What gave that away,
the generic brand cola?
You don't got
a lot of stuff.
So maybe-- maybe
I'm not materialistic.
Did Jesus have
a lot of stuff?
No, but Jesus
was poor.
So, what do you do
for fun?
This is pretty fun.
I mean, you know,
what do you do for...
excitement?
(kisses) Good night.
(sniffles)
(quietly sobbing)
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just
have allergies, you know?
You crying?
Your face is wet.
No, I'm okay.
Just go to sleep.
(sighs)
sh*t.
Hey, wake up.
Wake up,
you have to go.
- What?
- Wake up,
you have to go.
- I'm late.
- Why?
- Because I'm late.
- Why?
Because I'm late.
I feel like I'm talking
to Helen Keller over here.
You promised me
breakfast.
Uh, there's a bagel
in the fridge.
Knock yourself out.
(sighs)
(car approaches)
- I made you something.
- What?!
See...
I love brownies.
I know, silly monkey,
that's why I made them
for you last night.
Thanks,
that's so sweet.
Oh, what can I say?
I'm a sweetie pie.
Mmm.
Mmm, they're good.
What's that?
"Ecole d'Art."
what is that?
I'm applying to
an art school in paris.
What about Stanford?
Ugh, Stanford
is boring.
What?
That's what you
want to do with
the rest of your life,
is paint fruit and people
dancing at tea parties?
I mean, you're
a bright girl, you know?
You need
a real education.
Well, shouldn't you do
what you're passionate about?
Yes. Yes, that all
sounds great now,
you're doing
what you love,
you're doing what
you're passionate about,
but in 15 years
it won't be so great
when you're-- when you're
selling cotton candy on
the Santa Monica Promenade.
So it's about money?
I just don't want you
to regret this.
Fine, I won't go.
I have something
important to ask you.
You're in high school--
what's important?
You know,
condescension is not
the way to a girl's heart.
All right, I'm sorry.
What do you want
to ask me?
I'm sorry--
I'm so "sowwy,
- I'm so sowwy!"
- Oh my goodness,
- That's pathetic.
- I know, I'm sorry.
I can't do it
like you can. What?
I was going to
ask you...
if you wanted to come
to the Junior Prom with me.
The Junior Prom, wow.
Sorry, Adi, I can't go
to the Junior Prom with you.
Why not?
Why don't you go with--
with, you know, Alex,
or Botar or Hawthorne,
or whatever they
name them nowadays.
'Cause I don't
love them, Liam.
(bell rings)
All righty.
Out of my car, kiddo.
Who are you calling
"kiddo," buster?
You know what?
You'd better be careful,
'cause one day
you're gonna lose me,
And it's gonna
break your heart into
a million little pieces.
I could be the best thing
that never happened to you,
And you'll regret it.
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
but soon and for
the rest of your life.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have an algebra test
to attend to.
(kids chattering)
- (Adelaide grunts)
- All right, I'll see you
in another life
when we're both illustrious
Parisian libertines.
Or at 3:00 P.M.,
whichever comes first.
Heads up, blondie.
Coming through.
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Two messages.
Liam, it's Mark Liu,
your father.
(speaks Chinese)
Where are you, anyway?
Call me!
(beeps)
Machine:
Monday, 1:09 A.M.
Liam, why you not
calling me?
Your grandmother is dead.
This is Mark Liu,
your father.
(beeps)
Machine:
Monday, 1:45 A.M.
(beeps)
(touchtones)
(ringing)
- FATHER: hello?
- yeah, I got your message.
Yeah. Maybe if a few
more relatives die,
You'll actually come back
to New York, huh?
Will you give me a break?
I'm just trying
to make a living
for myself out here.
Oh, making a living
for yourself?
Without me sending you
checks every month,
you'd be out there
in the street with
all the others.
"to be or not to be."
You know,
I'm sorry I called.
She left you
a house in Shanghai.
Wait, what--
what did you say?
- She left me
her house?
Yeah.
Why-- why-- why did
she leave it to me?
- I've never even met her.
- because your last name
is Liu, that's why,
or did you forget
who you are, huh?
- How much
is it worth?
(humphs)
That should last you until
the end of the month.
You know, I'm sick of you
criticizing my life.
I have the right
to criticize it--
I'm paying for it!
What about you?
I can smell the whiskey
on your breath
right through
the handset!
I'll tell you what,
I'll come home today
if you tell me you're not
holding a bottle of Jack
in your hand right now.
Yeah, that's what
I thought.
You know what?
I don't need your
g*dd*mn money.
What are you
gonna do, huh?
Peddle cappuccinos
at-- at Starbucks?
Well, like you said,
I got 500 grand, right?
That ought--
that ought to last me
till the end of the month.
I am your father, Liam.
Why do you hate me?
Because you k*lled
my mother!
(dial tone)
(Samba music
playing)
Lilly comes when
you stop to call her
Lilly comes when
you look away...
Bunny!
Lilly leaves kisses
on your collar
Lilly Lilly
Lilly Lilly, stay!
What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- What's wrong?
Come on!
I have to go to
Shanghai in a week.
Why are you going
to Shanghai, silly rabbit?
My grandmother died.
I'm sorry.
I never met her
or anything,
but she-- she left
her house to me.
My boyfriend has
a house in Shanghai!
That's really cool.
Uh, could you please not
call me your boyfriend?
So anyway,
I have a cousin there
who found a buyer
for it, so I have to
go and sell the place.
pressed up against
the glass
he prays
that she will last
now he's living
with his mother...
Dance with me, bunny.
Lilly comes
when you stop to...
- I don't want to.
- come on!
Lilly runs
when you look away
Lilly leaves
kisses on your collar
Lilly Lilly Lilly,
stay! Ah!
Lilly comes when
you stop to call her
Lilly runs when
you look away
Lilly leaves
kisses on your collar
Lilly Lilly
Lilly Lilly, stay!
Lilly comes
when stop to call her
Lilly runs
when you look away
Lilly leaves
kisses on your collar
Lilly Lilly
Lilly Lilly, stay!
stay stay stay!
So can I go with you
to Shanghai?
You have school.
But see, I don't have to
go to school,
'cause I am
a natural genius.
Some people are just born
natural geniuses and we
can't help it.
This natural genius is gonna
stay right here in L.A.
Please.
Call me every day?
Every minute
of every hour.
Will you miss me
so much, like, your
intestines will bleed?
My intestines
will spew buckets
and buckets of blood.
Oh, that's the sweetest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
I'll see you
when I get back, okay?
-Okay?
- Yeah.
Bye, Liam.
Bye.
(sighs)
(rock music playing)
JOE:
dude, do I look okay?
Yeah yeah yeah,
you look fine.
- Listen, Joe?
- Yeah?
Um, I need you to do
something for me while
I'm in Shanghai.
What? Want to
renew your subscription
to "Barely Legal"?
- it's-- it's Adi.
- oh, enough with Adi!
Come on!
I'm just--
I'm gonna lay out
a general rule here.
Okay?
In America,
if you hook up
with a 16-year-old girl,
you go to prison
for roughly 20 years,
And I'm not talking
about Culver City.
This is not about that.
It's not about hooking up.
Look, you're the cool
older guy right now.
But in 10 years,
you're just gonna
be the old guy.
Just-- just take her to
school in the mornings,
that's it.
- and make sure that--
- Liam, she has parents.
She's not
Little Orphan Annie.
What do you want me to do?
Give her some clam chowder
and send her to bed?
sh*t! She was doing
just fine before
you got there.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
- I just--
- no no no no.
I'm right.
I like to hear that.
All right,
never mind. Forget it.
- sh*t.
- What?
Well, she was
supposed to be
here an hour ago.
She stood me up.
She stood-- no,
she stood me up.
Maybe she just got
lost or something?
No, she thinks
I'm ugly, a Republican
- or both.
- yeah, what's with
the brown suit?
- I mean you look
like Ronald Reagan.
I asked--
I asked you about this.
What-- that's probably
what happened.
This is what Darwin was
talking about when he said
"natural selection,"
only I'm the one
that wasn't selected.
Joe, women are
absolutely everywhere.
Okay? You see that girl
at the counter?
- Yeah.
- What do you give her?
Solid six.
You flip her around,
you get a nine.
Go talk to her.
- Come on, dude.
- What?
- No, I can't.
- Why?
- That's ridiculous.
- Why is that ridiculous?
Are you kidding?
Don't you think
it's a little psycho,
just walking up
to a girl?
Yeah, it's psycho
if you shank her in
the shower afterwards.
All right.
I'll just walk up and...
Yeah, don't bring
a knife.
I'm not bringing the knife--
I'm just...
I look like Ron Reagan!
Yeah, on a good day.
(whispering)
Hesitation leads
to masturbation.
(clears throat)
- Hi.
- Huh?
Oh.
Hi.
Is this the butter?
I hope
your plane crashes.
- Maybe he's her brother.
- They kissed.
What, is she
Angelina Jolie?
(sighs)
Can I order a big
bowl of shame, please?
(jet engine whines)
Hey, that's me.
- You're Liam?
- Yes, Liam.
- How nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Where'd you get this?
- Your father send to me.
- Do you like it?
- Uh, I don't know.
Oh, my name is Ling Ming,
your cousin.
- Ling Ming?
- Yes.
- Your name rhymes,
that's beautiful.
Thank you.
Come on, let's go.
Why didn't they
give you the house?
Actually, I'm not part
of Liu family.
The family name is just
passed on through the sons.
My mother marry
into Ming family.
Ah. So where
am I staying?
Uh, Jin Mao Tower.
- tower?
- yeah.
- I'm staying
in a tower?
Yes.
What am I, Rapunzel?
(rock music playing)
this reaching height
15 miles high
nothing but the sky
shining in your eyes
this reaching height
15 miles high
nothing but the sky
shining in your eyes.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So, do we tip them
or something?
- Not necessary.
- No?
(lock beeps)
Please.
Hey, how do you
say "thank you"?
(speaks Chinese)
- Uh, "shialo."
- No no--
No gratuity necessary.
Oh, it's okay,
I'm not being gratuitous,
just giving you a tip.
- Thank you.
- Oh no.
We don't need to tip
for anything here.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- This is like
Jewish heaven.
Yeah.
(speaks Chinese)
Wow, look at that.
- If I have--
- Oh sorry.
If I have a house here,
why am I in a hotel?
Uh, house empty,
all furniture is gone.
But don't be worried.
We'll meet the buyer tomorrow,
You'll get money
and then go back
to America.
- it's no problem.
- okay.
So what about tonight?
What's the plan, Stan?
- You're Stan in
this scenario, by the way.
okey-dokey.
What do you want to do?
("Let the Music Play"
playing)
(Liam singing flatly)
we started dancing
and love put us
into a groove
as soon
as we started to move
the music played while
our bodies displayed
through the dance
and love picked us
out for romance...
(crunching)
What the hell is this?
- Wasabi pea.
- You can say
that again.
Wasabi pea.
- (laughs)
- (door opens)
Ah.
(speaking Chinese)
(speaking Chinese)
You... America!
- yeah.
- You want to go
for company?
Go--
go for what?
For "company"? Hmm?
- yeah yeah yeah.
- yeah yeah yeah.
Nice nice nice.
You must be have
much money. Girls!
(speaks Chinese)
American!
Smile, please.
(speaking Chinese)
Pick.
- Uh, pick?
- Do you like?
Um, I--
help me out here.
I don't know...
- Which one should I pick?
- Is up to you.
Whatever your taste.
I don't want to hurt
anybody's feelings.
You won't
hurt feelings.
- Just pick.
- I was never picked
for dodgeball,
It always hurt
my feelings.
Okay, it's not big deal.
Just pick.
- Um...
- Ah!
Look, you like. Hmm.
Have your eye on Amy.
Amy?
Is that her name?
Yeah. Amy is very sweet.
If you can touch
her smell.
(clucks tongue)
Ew, touch her smell.
Okay. Okay?
- okay.
- mmm. Amy.
(speaking Chinese)
- Aha!
- Hi.
Hi.
Woman:
bye-bye!
LIAM:
She's crazy.
Do you like her?
- Um...
- (laughs)
- My name is Amy.
- Amy? My name is Liam.
- Liam?
- Liam.
Mmm. Funny kind
of name.
Yeah well,
I'm a funny kind of guy.
So you come here often?
First come here.
Oh, first--
first come here.
Um... I like
your earrings.
No no,
not him. Me.
- Oh.
- I like the--
You know.
- Oh, thank you.
- They're very round.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
That's my
favorite shape.
Okay, don't talk to him.
He's not even there.
- Okay.
- Don't you have to
go somewhere?
All right.
...Her say, yeah yeah
come a little bit closer,
you're my kind of man
so big and so strong
come a little bit closer,
I'm all alone
and the night
is so long...
You--
you should sing.
No, I do not sing.
If I sing, everybody
in room will run.
No.
No, I'm sure
you're not that bad.
Trust me, that bad.
Okay okay,
I believe you.
Hey, you want to--
you want to go?
- uh...
- you want to go?
- LING: I know,
yes, I know...
Okay.
No no no!
Us-- you, me.
We go.
Both of us.
Uh, you want me
to go with you?
You-- you want to--
You want me
to want you to go...
with me?
I'm confusing you.
Let's go.
You wanna go?
Um...
Yes?
You, me.
You me, both.
One two, go.
(lock beeps)
Oh. Nice room.
Thanks.
Great view.
What you want
to do now?
Whatever.
You tell me.
(phone ringing)
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
- Hello?
- Is this my very
sexy Chinese man?
- How'd you get this number?
- I have my ways.
Remember,
I'm a natural genius.
I just got in
a couple of hours ago.
Well, why haven't you
called me? I wonder,
I wonder.
My cousin was showing me
around a little bit.
Oh, what have you seen?
Um...
I saw a guy
on a unicycle,
saw a K.F.C.
That's about it.
Uh, I'm going to
take a shower, okay?
(Liam whispers)
Okay okay!
Is-- is someone there?
Um, I ordered
room service.
The girl was
just bringing up
a late dinner.
You know I can't really
take that airplane food.
Yeah, you and your
sensitive digestive tract.
How's, uh,
how's Shanghai?
It's beautiful.
My hotel room
is on the 85th floor.
I can see Japan
from my window.
And how's it look?
Let's just say that if
they're planning a sneak
attack anytime soon,
- I'll know.
- can I use your towel?
- (whispering) yeah yeah.
- AMY: oh, I find.
- Who is that?
- Uh, television.
Listen, I'm--
I'm so tired.
Can I call you
tomorrow?
- I miss you, bunny.
- Okay.
I'll be back soon.
Get-- get out of
the house, all right?
Go hang out
with Summer or Marissa
Or one of the other girls
on "the O.C."
- Bye, Liam.
- All right, bye, Adi.
Okay, I finish.
What do you want?
Tell me.
You know what?
- I'm really tired.
- Okay.
- Do you want to
go to sleep?
Sleep?
Yeah, I was-- I was
on a flight, you know,
for-- I don't know--
- mm-hmm.
- you know?
- An airplane.
- mmm.
- Do you mind?
- No, I no mind.
Because I like you.
You're a really
beautiful girl.
Thank you.
So, it's okay?
Okay.
All right.
Good night.
Good night.
(beeps)
(quietly sobbing)
(knocking on door)
LING:
hey, Liam?
Let's go!
(knocking)
Wake up,
sleepyhead.
(car honks)
(speaking Chinese)
Mama!
- So this is it, huh?
- Uh, yes.
(door unlocks)
(baby crying)
Your grandmother lived
upstairs for six years.
Your father born here
and grew up all his life.
Be careful.
Lots of history
in this house.
It's a shame
we're selling,
But nobody here
to take care of it.
Wow.
This view is amazing.
Yes,
that's Huangpu River,
The most important
shipping artery
of Shanghai,
Divides the city
into east and west.
Come on,
let me show you.
This was
your father's room.
The whole family
slept here.
This place is great.
I love it.
Yeah.
(doorbell buzzes)
That must be buyers.
(speaking Chinese)
(door buzzing)
- Ah...
- (all speaking Chinese)
- This is Mr. Wu.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- (woman speaking)
- nice to meet you.
Yeah.
Um, I've never been
to Shanghai before.
So I'm surprised
by how modern it is.
You know?
The architecture.
Very modern.
Okay.
Uh, I like your tie.
Oh.
Oh, look at that.
(chattering)
So Liam, uh...
Mr. Wu say
this place
is so great.
Uh, it's
unbelievably cheap.
Yeah, if you call
$500,000 cheap.
No no no,
it's not $500,000.
It's 500,000 yuan.
How much is that
in dollars?
Mm, maybe--
maybe a little less
than $60,000.
- $60,000?!
- yeah.
No no no no.
I'm not selling this place
for 60,000. That's crazy.
Are you crazy?
This view is worth
more than $60,000.
- Yeah, I know.
- My shoes are worth
more than $60,000.
Tell them no.
Tell them I'm not selling.
That's ridiculous.
Okay.
(speaking Chinese)
(couple arguing)
Liam:
What happened?
I told her.
I can see that.
So, what are you
going to do now?
Hey.
(man speaks Chinese)
- uh, Jin Mao, please.
- Qin Gao?
- Jin Mao.
- Qin Gao?
- Jin Mao.
- Oh!
(man singing)
- Out.
- No, this is not it.
- Jin Gao.
- Jin Mao!
Jin Gao!
Jin Mao!
Mao-- Jin Mao.
It's a hotel.
- hotel?
- yeah.
Oh, h* Tao!
Nope, not the place.
h* Tao.
This is nothing.
- Jin Mao.
- (cow moos)
- Tin Gao?
- Jin Mao!
Bin Gao?
Look at my mouth!
Jin Mao!
(muttering
in Chinese)
It's like trying to get
a ride from Dr. Seuss.
Yeah, what?
- Oh.
- Oh! Oh yeah,
Look at that.
(carnival music
playing)
Get out!
What?
Why you stop?
Why you stop?
I'm not getting out.
Jin Jiang!
Jin Mao!
Get out of here!
Jin Mao!
- Jin Jiang!
- Jin Mao!
It's famous!
It's the tallest
building here!
- Jin Jiang.
- You've been driving me
around the city all day!
- What are you,
a f*cking idiot?
You f*ck-a*s!
- You f*ck-a*s!
- f*ck-a*s!
- You f*ck!
- You f*ck!
You f*ck!
Where you going?
Get back here.
Get back here!
You f*ck!
You f*ck!
You're a f*ck!
- Jin Jiang!
- Not Jin Jiang!
Jin Mao.
Jin Mao Mao Mao Mao!
All right--
Jin Jiang Jiang Jiang!
You're gonna k*ll me.
You're gonna k*ll me!
You are gonna k*ll me!
You're gonna k*ll--
You're gonna k*ll me!
No no no,
Jin Jiang! Jin Jiang!
I need a drink.
I need a drink.
You're gonna drive me
to drink.
I need a drink.
Like a-- you know,
you take me to a bar?
- Bar?
- Drink.
- Okay, okay.
- Drinking. Yeah.
Yeah, suddenly you know.
- Uh, excuse me?
- Yeah?
You guys know how to
make a chocolate martini?
- What's that?
Chocolate martini?
You know martini?
Yes, of course.
You want a martini?
A chocolate martini.
It's martini,
But you add some chocolate
in it for flavoring.
Okay?
Okay, I do.
A regular martini
with chocolate in it.
- Chocolate martini.
- Uh...
(both speaking Chinese)
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Liam.
Micki.
You speak English?
You speak German?
Why would I speak German?
We're not in Germany.
Why would I speak English?
We're not in England.
Because everybody
speaks English.
If that is true,
then why even ask me
in the first place?
Let me guess...
You're an American
and you think the world
revolves around you.
You probably don't even
speak any other languages
besides English.
That's not true.
I speak Ethiopian.
(speaks mock-Ethiopian)
That means, um,
armchair.
Well, why don't you
speak Chinese?
- Because I'm an American.
- You're not an American.
Your face is Chinese,
your hair is Chinese,
your eyes are Chinese,
your skin is Chinese.
But you probably
don't even know anything
about your culture.
It's a pity you don't
even speak the language.
I know more
than you think.
Your drink.
60.
Yes, I can see you
are very wise.
(clears throat)
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
So what are you that
you're so cultured,
a pilates instructor?
What is that?
Never mind.
Hey, you want to
get out of here?
This conversation's
depressing me.
Eat your drink first.
(laughs)
It's so beautiful.
I never realized how
beautiful Shanghai is.
Most of these
buildings were developed
during the opium wars.
Refresh my memory.
Robert Downey Jr. won
the opium wars, right?
Who's that?
Never mind.
(laughs)
You're so cute.
And so funny!
Yeah, but you don't laugh
at most of my jokes.
You're still funny.
Are all Americans
so funny?
You should know.
You've been there
three years, right?
I use sense of humor
as a defense mechanism
when I'm nervous.
At least that's what
my analyst says.
You're in analysis?
Yeah, ever since
the second grade
when I asked out
Erin McGrath.
She called me a doody-head
and then pulled down
my pants during recess.
(gasps)
That is horrible!
I can't really blame her,
Because I was
quite empirically
a doody-head,
But then I got really
self-conscious about
my p*nis size.
Uh, I mean,
you know, it was small.
But I was seven,
and I think for
a seven-year-old
that it was--
it was a decent size...
I think.
Are you nervous?
Yeah, a little bit.
Do I intimidate you?
You have no idea.
How was that?
I'd say "let's go
back to my place,"
But I don't know
where it is.
(phone ringing)
Hold on.
Hold on.
- Let me get this.
- Hmm?
I have to get this.
- Hello?
- Adelaide:
I wrote you a poem.
You want to hear it?
Uh, yeah sure.
"I woke up lonely
the day I died,
the sun never sang
to me so bright,
the songs of heaven that
dance inside my eyes
watching as eagles fly
and time stands still,
and as I paint
the pavement red
and I turn blue,
I thought of you
and only you,
in the darkness
you will come
to dry my tears
and rescue me
from the plastic cups
and empty faces,
my Shanghai Kid,
my one and only,
for you I wait,
only god can stop me."
Now if it totally sucks,
you can tell me.
I wrote it in like
five seconds, anyway.
No, I like it.
Um, you know, I got to
get off the bus.
- Can I call you later?
- Yeah.
- Uh, bye, Adi.
- (phone beeps)
(dial tone)
Who was that?
Your girlfriend?
No, she's just
a friend.
Just a friend?
Give me a break.
She's 16.
Why are you friends
with a 16-year-old?
I don't know.
Excuse me.
(whispering)
Ah!
(laughing)
(jazz music playing)
(Liam and Micki
laughing)
(imitates jet fighter)
What's that?
- Oh, tea egg!
- Huh?
- Tea egg.
- Egg?
- Egg.
- Egg. Let's get some.
I'm hungry.
Hey, tea egg!
Hello hello hello.
Wake up, wake up,
back to work. Hello?
Hello hello.
(speaks Chinese)
- How much?
- One yuan.
One?
One yuan?
- One.
- That's like 12 cents.
I want uh... 12.
- 12.
- (Micki laughing)
How do you say "12"?
(laughs)
Is this good?
Wait wait, hold on.
Taste test.
Why you buy
so many egg?
Good. I may not be
a smart man,
But I know a good
bargain when I see one.
Wow.
What?
In this light,
you are stunning.
You're a stunner.
I'm-- I'm actually
physically stunned.
Well, you're not
the ugliest guy
I ever met either.
- Okay okay, relax.
- (laughs)
So why would you sell
a house that has been
in your family
for 100 years?
What am I gonna do?
Move to China?
Why not?
You're Chinese,
aren't you?
Why not?
Why don't I do anything
that makes any sense?
Why did I drop out of
Columbia and move to L.A.?
To be an aspiring alcoholic?
Why is that
the only girl that I
can stand being sober with
for more than an hour--
present company excluded--
happens to be 16?
Why can't I look
my father in the face?
You're right.
I spend my entire life
running away
from anything Chinese,
including my father.
But I come here...
and I feel like
I belong here.
Here I'm not a Chinese guy,
I'm just a guy.
Don't move here
just for me.
Do you want
to see me again?
- Of course.
- Would you miss me
if I left?
Would you miss me?
You are the most
amazing girl I've ever met.
(traditional Chinese
music playing)
(making martial arts
noises)
Man over P.A.:
the white zone is for immediate
loading and unloading--
Hey!
Chow Yun-Fat!
Hey!
Who you calling "fat"?
Oh no no, I'm sorry.
It's not-- it's not him.
It's the guy from
the ramen noodle package.
And you're the noodle.
So, how was
the People's Republic?
- Oh, it was amazing.
- Yeah?
It's so
beautiful there, Joe.
It really is,
and I met a girl.
What, like
a Chinese girl?
- I met a Chinese girl!
- No way! Really?
- Yeah.
- Really?
Well, what's her name?
- Her name is Micki.
- That doesn't sound Chinese.
She's beautiful.
She's smart, sophisticated,
- funny...
- And she was with you?
You're sh1tting me, man.
It's a shame
you had to leave.
Actually, I'm gonna
move there.
- What?
- I'm moving to Shanghai.
- When?
- Next week.
What...?
I-- I just, I came back to,
you know, get some things,
say goodbye.
Well, it's pilot season.
There are no Asian
guys on television.
You know that.
What-- did you
tell your father?
Does Adi know?
- Anybody?
- Not yet.
Well, don't you think
you ought to tell 'em?
- I will.
- No, your father's gonna
be a little surprised.
You know, I don't--
I don't give a sh*t
what he thinks.
Listen to yourself, man.
You're moving
to Shanghai for a girl!
A Chinese girl,
for god's sakes.
This is not just
about the girl.
Then what is it?
It just--
it feels right.
I'm Chinese.
I've gotta go
back to my roots.
(laughs)
All right, slow down,
Kunta Kinte.
You don't even
speak Chinese.
What the hell
are you gonna do?
- What, drive a rickshaw?
- I can learn Chinese.
Learn Chinese? Liam,
you barely speak English.
Don't call me "Liam."
Liam is my sl*ve name.
- Cute.
- Wait, come here,
Come here.
- What?
-That's her.
Wow. She, uh--
she sure looks like
every other Asian girl
in Monterey Park.
- What?
- Look, you want to
move somewhere?
Move to Monterey Park.
It's lovely.
I'll miss you too.
Come on, get in.
And give me
five bucks for parking.
- So you came back early.
- I know, the sale
fell through.
- Oh, you didn't
sell your house?
No.
What are you gonna
do now, baby?
Well-- please don't
call me "baby."
Baby baby baby baby
baby!
- Look, I have
something to tell you.
Good news?
-In a way.
- Let me guess.
- You're pregnant.
- No, that was last month.
I got it aborted,
remember?
Oh that's too bad.
I always wanted to
be a father.
(both make
martial arts noises)
Ah!
So what's this news?
(sighs)
This is hard to say.
Oh, spill it, buster.
Come on.
Well, I think that
we should stop--
-Oh Sugar Sallies!
Can you get me those, please?
Yeah yeah, sure, sure.
Oh, you're the
bestest boyfriend in
the whole widest world.
Yeah, okay, Adi.
You know, you're a great girl.
You're beautiful
and smart and strong,
and you shouldn't be
hanging around with me.
You should be
with a guy your own age.
I'm gonna be 17 in,
like, two weeks.
What are you,
eight years older than me?
(sighs)
Big deal.
You look like you're 12.
I'm even almost taller
than you.
Look, it's not my fault
that my epiphyseel plates
fused prematurely.
- Epiphysial.
- Epiphysial.
- Did you drink milk?
- Yes, I drank milk.
Whole or 2%?
Did you drink fat-free?
What percent milk
I drank is not the point.
The point is I can drive
and drink alcoholic beverages.
Not at the same time.
What's your point?
Look, Woody Allen
is with a woman 35
years younger than him.
Woody Allen has
three academy awards.
When I get three
academy awards, I can
date 12-year-olds if I want.
I met someone.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Is it a girl?
(laughs)
No, it's a squirrel,
actually.
What are you talking about,
"is it a girl?"
Well I don't know.
You are pretty metro.
It's a Chinese girl.
I met her in China.
MAN:
What can I get for you?
We're gonna take
a Sugar Sally...
You were gone
for like three days!
- Three days!
- (whispering)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I don't know
what you want me to say.
I feel
so shitty now.
Don't feel shitty.
Let's go get
the Sugar Sallies.
No, f*ck Sugar Sally!
f*ck her up her sugary a*s!
You're dumping me
for some Chinese girl?
We were never
really together.
Oh right, I forgot.
I'm only 16.
How are you gonna
maintain a relationship
With someone
I'm moving to Shanghai.
What?
I'm moving there.
To Shanghai?
Who moves to Shanghai?
No one does that!
- No one moves to Shanghai!
- I don't know. Lots of people!
I don't-- I don't know!
It just feels right.
You're just gonna
leave me here to rot?
Leave you here to rot?
You live in Beverly Hills,
for christ's sake!
I wish I lived
where you lived.
Can we please just go
see this movie? Please?
I'm gonna get you
a Sugar Sally.
Don't you have
any feelings at all?
Your grandmother died.
Don't you feel sad about that?
(lasers fire)
(expl*si*n)
I mean, don't you
feel sad about anything?
You're like a f*cking robot,
and now you're going to China
For some girl you've only
known for two days?
Do you really think
you're gonna find what
you're looking for out there?
You need to calm down.
I'm going outside.
Wait. Just--
just wait!
I like you, Adi.
I really do.
It scares me
how much I like you.
Then why are you leaving?
Because I feel
empty here.
I, like--
it's like I'm pissing
my life away.
L.A. Is a cold
and desolate place,
Adi, it really is.
It's like sucking
the life right out of me!
Maybe it's you, Liam!
You ever think about that?
Huh? Maybe it's
you sucking the life
out of yourself!
You're just a kid, Adi!
Go home.
Don't go to Shanghai.
Please don't go!
It'll be a mistake!
You know it'll be a mistake!
(folk music playing)
fell in love
with a girl
lost my hold on
this whole world
sad to say,
it's sad but true
there's nothing more
that we could do
but love
just don't quit
so hard to see
from where we sit
love just don't quit
it's not a box,
there ain't no lid
holidays
time of year
call them close
and hold them near
some souls come
and some don't show
round and round
and round it goes
but love
just don't quit
so hard to see
from where we sit
love just don't quit
it's not a box,
there ain't no lid
some years pass
in a day
some things change
and some things fade
some days it seems
like nothing's new...
- (Liam and Micki laughing)
- you have me and I have you
'cause love
just don't quit
hard to see
from where we sit
love just don't quit
it's not a box,
there ain't no lid
give it out
and let it in.
(horn honks)
- Junk!
- ALL: Wha!
- Yeah yeah.
- (all speaking Chinese)
Uh, excuse me, Messieurs?
Do you speak-a
ze English?
I need a-- umbrella.
Umbrella?
(all speaking Chinese)
Raining, raining.
(speaks Chinese)
Dude, dude, they have
umbrellas right here.
- Right there.
- Thank you, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
(speaking Chinese)
Hey, 10, 10.
- LIAM: ech.
- MICKI: it's good,
You should try.
It's so shiny.
I'm gonna get blinded by it.
No, but it's dessert.
You like.
Let's go to McDonald's.
This food is scaring me.
Oh, that stuff will
k*ll you faster than poison.
Somewhere out there
is a bunch of angry,
feetless chicken.
- (laughs)
- "Ah!"
Didn't your mother
ever tell you not to
play with your food?
I don't know,
I don't have a mother.
Everybody has
a mother.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine,
it's just...
I don't really
remember her.
I mean, I have
memories but...
I don't know
which ones are real
and which ones I created
because I needed them.
You don't have to
talk about this.
No it's-- it's good.
It's good to talk about it.
What happened?
Well, it was
my birthday,
I was six,
and we were coming
home from dinner.
We didn't have
much money back then,
so going out to eat
was special, you know.
Um, so I wanted to
order something special.
And after looking over
the menu for 30 minutes,
I saw that they
had turtle soup.
And I thought, "whoa,
wouldn't it be cool
to go to school on
Monday and tell everyone
that I had turtle?"
Mmm.
But on the way
to the bathroom,
I saw the live turtle
in the kitchen,
and I started crying.
I could--
I could never eat such
a beautiful animal.
And so I burst
into the kitchen
like a knight
rescuing a princess,
I grabbed the turtle
and I-- I burst out.
Right? And after my parents
calmed down the kitchen,
My mom said that I could
keep-- keep the turtle
as a birthday present.
So it was sitting
on my lap in the car,
and my father
was driving.
He-- he may have
been drunk.
I'm-- I'm not sure.
But they started
arguing in Chinese.
Every time they argue
in Chinese, I know
something's wrong.
Uh...
The rest is a blur.
Next thing I know,
the car is flipped
upside-down on the side
of the road,
There's this shard
of glass jutting from
my mother's neck,
Blood's dripping down
her white blouse.
I never did find out what
happened to the turtle.
You want to go
see a movie?
They have
movies here, right?
- Of course.
- I'm gonna go to
the men's room,
then we can
go see a movie.
(film characters
speaking Chinese)
I can't watch this.
Why not?
Because the rock sounds
like Richard Simmons,
that's why not.
Who's Richard Simmons?
Never mind.
Who's the rock?
I'm gonna get
something to drink--
I'll be right back.
Okay.
(touchtones)
- (phone ringing)
- Hey, you've reached Adi.
she's not here right now
to take your call.
I know because I'm her.
(beeps)
(tires screech)
(men speaking
Chinese)
Get in the car!
Did you say "get in the car"?
Why would I get in the car?
(speaks Chinese)
Get in the car.
Okay?
Okay?
Yeah.
You hit me.
Yes, very good.
Very smart.
And people are
always complaining about
American education system.
What do you want?
Where are you from?
Here and there.
I get around.
Where are you from?
I'm from Los Angeles.
California.
It's beautiful there,
isn't it?
- It's okay.
- Beautiful women too.
I've never been myself,
But I watch
Hollywood movies...
Like "Charlie's Angels."
You've seen
"Charlie's Angels"?
It's not one
of my favorites.
Um, I found the--
the plot to be lacking.
(guffaws)
plot?!
Who needs plot when
you have crazy American
women running around?
Right?
Something doesn't
make sense to me.
You see, you have
"Charlie's Angels"
And the crazy
American girls,
yet you still feel
the need to come here
and steal our women.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I'm talking about
my girlfriend, Micki.
Lately she's been
acting very strange.
Always busy.
Do you know what
she's doing every day?
I have no idea.
Who do you think
you are, huh?
You Americans think you
can take anything you want.
- I don't think that.
- You don't think that?!
Who discovered America?
Who discovered
America?
- Christopher Columbus?
- (laughs)
I forget--
that's what you learned
in school, right?
But I want to find out
how he can discover
A country with already
Where are they now?
They welcomed you
with opened arms
And you k*lled
them all.
I guess we had
different textbooks, huh?
Look, I'm Chinese.
My parents
went to America
As immigrants.
You will never
be Chinese.
You were raised on
cheeseburgers and pizza.
You may think
you have discovered China,
but we have been here
for thousands of years,
and I am not going to
stand around and watch you
take what's rightfully mine.
(speaks Chinese)
(grunts)
(birds chirping)
(speaking Chinese)
Hi. You-- you have
a phone that I could use?
A telephone...
I can-- I can use?
(man speaking Chinese)
You-- you have a-- can--
Hi, you have a phone?
Phone?
(speaking Chinese)
Jesus.
Sir, do you have a--
do you have a phone?
Hey!
- (speaking Chinese)
- Hey!
Ma'am, ma'am,
can I use your phone?
Please please please?
(continues talking)
Here, look look look!
- Look, I give you--
I give you this,
(phone beeps off)
You give me--
you let me use that.
Okay? Can I use that?
I'll give you money.
Oh-- look! Look!
This is all I have,
okay? Take it.
Take it. I'll give
it right back.
I'll give it right back.
Be right here.
Ma'am, please please.
Thank you.
See? Good, happy.
(touchtones)
Thank you.
Micki!
I wanted
to tell you, Liam.
I really did,
but Jai Li is not
the most reasonable man.
He gets violent.
Does he beat you?
Who is this guy?
We are
to be married.
That's terrific.
Congratulations.
Am I invited to the wedding?
You don't understand.
(speaks Chinese)
A-- a bowl
of won tons, please.
Won tons!
Won t-- won tons.
- (speaks Chinese)
- Yes, thank you.
What don't
I understand?
Do you love him?
It's not about love.
Then what?
I used to work
as a waitress.
And about a year ago,
Jai Li comes in,
Throwing his money around,
Telling me how beautiful
I am and how he wants
to take care of me.
So this is
all about money?
You see, that's why
you would never understand.
What don't I understand?
You know, you're what
we call a gold digger.
How many siblings
do you have?
I don't have any.
I have five,
Three sisters
and two brothers.
How much does
the average American make?
I don't know.
Maybe $35,000.
I make $1,200 a year.
My family,
all seven of us,
Live in
a one-bedroom apartment.
My father died
years ago,
leaving my mother
to raise all of us
all by herself.
So no, this is not
about love.
I'm with Jai Li to ensure
my family have a better life.
So you're gonna
stay in a loveless,
a*usive marriage
For the rest
of your life?
Trust me,
there are worse things.
(speaks Chinese)
Thank you.
- You're hungry.
- Oh...
getting the sh*t
beat out of me,
spending the night
in a ditch can be
pretty consuming.
But on the upside,
I did my cardio
for the week.
Go back to America.
What about you?
I'll be fine.
(speaking Chinese)
(Adelaide laughing)
Have you ever seen
Sinatra in concert?
-Nuh-uh.
- What about Billie Holiday?
How old do you
think I am?
Well, my favorite's
Nat King Cole.
You listen
to Nat King Cole?
My mom used to play
a lot of old records
when I was little.
She'd sing
to me a lot.
You're still little.
(sighs)
What's wrong?
Just miss her,
that's all.
Just unfair.
I mean how can someone
die from lung cancer
When they've
never even smoked?
I know what you mean.
How?
Um...
I don't know.
I-- I don't,
I guess.
Do you talk
to your mom a lot?
Every night.
Really?
Yeah, right before
I go to sleep.
You're a good son.
Ling Ming:
hey, Liam?
(snaps fingers)
Liam?
Liam, just sign this,
and then you are
all set.
I can't.
(speaks Chinese)
(couple shouting
in Chinese)
Okay, this was fun.
Call me the next time
you want to do this.
Hey hey!
Can you help me
transfer the deed
to someone else?
I-- I cannot
accept this.
Jeez Louise, if you
learn anything in life,
learn that when somebody
gives you a house,
you don't say
you can't accept it,
you say "f*ck yeah!"
Go ahead, try it.
- Okay. f*ck yeah.
- f*ck yeah!
- (laughs)
- All right,
we'll work on that.
No one has ever done anything
like this for me before.
All I know is
if you marry Jai Li,
you're gonna regret it.
Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
but soon
and for the rest
of your life.
Oh.
Can you do me a favor,
Um, before you kick me
out of your house?
Anything.
Can you read one
of these letters to me?
Of course.
This is
from your father.
"My...
(speaks Chinese)
I have missed you
these past few months
and I regret that
I cannot be with you
during this
vulnerable time.
I hope that my mother
is taking good care of you,
because she is
so excited
to become
a grandmother.
I am working hard
in Suzhou
to save enough money
for us to go to America.
I hope to
make enough... money
so that we can go
before you give birth.
I want our son
to be born there,
so he can become President
of the United States one day.
Please know
you will always
be with me.
Liu Yi."
Wow.
Yeah, I'll say.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thank you
for everything.
Hey.
Dad?
Dad?
Dad?
- Dad?
- (snorts)
Hey.
(crying)
I loved her.
I know.
I'm sorry.
You forgive me?
You look skinny.
I-I-I take you
to lunch.
I'll take you to lunch.
I have a job now.
I'm peddling cappuccinos
at Starbucks.
(laughs)
My son...
I cannot believe it.
You work for the man, huh?
- Working for the man?
- Yeah.
Like the kids want
to say, huh?
Nobody says that, Dad.
Sure. You've been
away too long.
That hippie down the street,
he say it all the time.
(laughs)
One at a time.
(mexican music
playing)
Damn, I missed
that taste.
What about this girl?
Over there,
the blonde.
Like a 7.6, 7.7?
- What do you think?
- She's okay.
Okay?
What, you don't want
to play anymore?
Joe, you ever think
that assigning women
a numerical value
between one and 10
based on artificial
qualities is--
that's kind of
superficial.
Look, if you don't think
she's cute, just say you
don't think she's cute.
You know what I think?
I think I made
a big mistake with Adi.
Liam...
You can come up with a list
of hundreds of qualities
that-- that you think
are important in
another person,
but in the end,
the heart wants
what it wants.
You spend your entire
life fighting that,
I mean, god, you just--
you go crazy.
Yeah, I'm sort of going
crazy just listening to you.
- Sorry.
- So...
You could ramble on
about it with me
for the rest of the day,
Or...
Or... You could call her.
You know, no.
I'm not gonna call her.
I'm gonna go over there.
- I got it,
I got it.
Thanks.
How you gonna get there?
You sold your car.
I'll-- I'll walk.
I'll walk, I'll run,
I'll fly over there.
All right,
catch you later.
Come on,
nobody walks in L.A.
(whispering)
You see that guy?
Hi.
Hi.
I made
some bad decisions
and I'm trying to
get them right
I've chalked them
up to living
and I've stored them
out of sight
I've gotten
a reputation
of running
from a fight
when the situation
gets out of my hands
sometimes you've got to
go to stay
let the ace of spades
fall where it may
drop the masquerade
like a live grenade
and give it
all away
we had a conversation
it was more
than what we said
we had a destination,
we could see it up ahead
is it my imagination
running rings around my head
trying not to face that
slipping away
sometimes you've got
to go to stay
let the ace of spades
fall where it may
drop the masquerade
like a live grenade
- and give it all away...
- (doorbell rings)
What are you doing here?
I came to see you,
and I know I'm probably
the last person you want
to see right now,
and I wouldn't blame you
if you slammed the door
in my face.
I mean, I deserve...
to get the door slammed.
MAN:
Who is it, sweetie?
Just... chinese.
Great.
- Go to Paris.
- What?
I want you to go to Paris.
I want you to see the world,
I want you to do what
you're passionate about.
When I was in Shanghai,
I had a lot of time to think.
I mean,
nobody spoke English
And the movies
there suck,
but I realized
how badly I treated you.
I mean, you have
so much heart.
You can sing to the world,
and I always made it seem
like you needed me.
You don't,
you never did.
I'm the one
who needed you.
And I was scared--
Scared of you growing up,
scared of you waking up
one morning
and realizing that
you didn't need me,
scared of you going
off to Paris
and seeing a whole world
out there without me.
But I'm not scared
anymore.
And I love you enough
to let you go.
I mean, you dump me
and then you have
this epiphany
in Shanghai, and now
you're sitting here
basically giving me
permission to live my life?
And by the way--
news flash:
I'm already
going to Paris.
You are?
Next week.
Great.
Perfect.
That-- that's what
I wanted to hear.
Um...
You're gonna--
you're gonna learn so much,
you're gonna meet
so many interesting people.
And if you run
into Gerard Depardieu,
tell him that I loved him
in "Green Card."
Why do you make it
so hard for me to hate you?
God, I'm starving, so...
you need
some cash, bunny?
ADELAIDE:
No, I'm fine, Dad.
Oh, okay.
So, where's the food?
I-- oh, I left it.
I left it at the restaurant.
So...
Is this goodbye?
More like
"See you later."
Okay.
I-- I'll just...
That was weird.
Yeah.
You read the copy?
LIAM:
Uh, yeah, sure.
Woman:
just start whenever
you're ready then.
- LIAM: just looking...
- WOMAN: right into the camera.
Do you have
genital herpes?
It's just... lately
I've been feeling
itching and burning
around in my genital area,
and...
"how-- how did
this happen to me?"
I ask myself.
Was it that-- that girl
in Puerto Rico?
I knew she
wasn't a virgin.
But will I ever be able
to love again?
Will anyone love me?
Am I supposed to spend
my entire life alone
because of one
drunken night?
This is what I felt
before I tried Provium.
Provium daily
suppressive therapy
can help reduce
the frequency of outbreaks.
Make the most
out of your life.
Ask your doctor
if Provium is right for you.
Wow, that was amazing.
You know, I really
believed you had
genital herpes.
Do you?
Uh, no.
No, I don't.
Well, I don't think
we need to see anyone else.
(giggling)
Oh, sorry.
I'll miss you.
(whispering)
"Go to Paris."
So stupid.
God damn it!
So stupid.
Hey!
Either you came to
see me or you ordered
a mail-order bride.
I saw you
with that guy.
He's one of
my instructors and he's
as g*y as a pineapple.
You still remember me?
Bunny, you're
my every other memory.
How'd you know
I was coming in?
I called your dad.
God, you're like obsessed
with me or something.
I'm more than obsessed.
I'm-- I'm daffy about you.
Daffy like the duck?
Daffy like a duck.
(quacks)
Uh... Oh, these are--
these are for you.
Thanks.
So you think
we have a chance?
Anything's possible.
It's the beauty
of living.
moonlight's
raining down
and I chose
amazing love
shining like
a morning tree
sitting close
and as it rose
swinging on
a high trapeze
far above
the crowds I see
all I need
is love spinning round
the circus grounds
take me and bring me
home again
I see everything
in front of me
it's love and only love
can bring us home
fires burn
from sea to sea
warming me
and I am free
open doors
in front of me
only time knows
where they lead
everything
I'll ever need
standing there
in front of me
all I see
is love spinning
round the circus grounds
take me and bring me
home again
I see everything
in front of me
it's love and only love
can bring us home
only love,
only love
love spinning round
the circus grounds
take me and bring me
home again
I see everything
in front of me
it's love and only love
can bring us home.
(classical music playing)
(Chinese music playing)
(choir vocalizing)
(classical music playing)
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Shanghai Kiss (2007)
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Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.