Wedding Year, The (2019)

[bunniefuu]

Mmm, here we go.

sh*t!

Whatever.

I think I'm gonna

get the pants as well.

Oh, my God, this is amazing!

Look at this stuff.

Ooh, yes, please.

You are so welcome.

Morning!

Mara, you

finding everything alright?

Oh, hey, Ellie!

Do you happen to have,

like, a red belt?

Ooh, I don't know, let me check.

By the way, you're late again.

I got to gear up!

No way!

You know the rules,

nothing over a $100.

Remember when you got guacamole

all over that beautiful

Saint Laurent?

It washed off!

Kinda.

Mara!

What are you doing?

Oh, stop.

You got to wear

the expensive sh*t

to sell the expensive sh*t.

Did you do your

make-up high again?

Ellie, I'm not a degenerate.

I did my make-up

and then I got high.

Well, you need to

get your sh*t together

because there's a girl who

wants to try on something

from the bridal section.

Oh, no, don't make

me go over there.

I know, it's t*rture and

it sucks your soul out.

But that's where the money is.

So, go make some.

And smile.

Smiling!

Absolutely not.

She looks like a hippie.

Like she's getting

married in a barn.

Grandma, that's the point.

She is getting

married in a barn.

Let's go back to Vera Wang.

This thrift shop is

giving me shingles.

It wasn't on your list.

Thrift shop, ugh!

But I came in here

last week and I found this,

and I love it.

Well, ivory is just very modern.

And it's a good deal.

It's a disco-onesie.

I won't pay for it.

I'm sorry, did I

hear barn wedding?

Even the sales

girl thinks it's gauche.

Actually, I think

it can be beautiful.

Sounds to me like you're planning

the perfect wedding, um...

Kelly.

I love your

necklace, by the way.

Thank you.

Actually it was

my grandmother's.

Well, you have lovely taste.

It's timeless.

That's what you should

wear for your wedding,

something you'll still

love in 50 years.

But this outfit is not

quite marriage material.

Kelly, you're a kind

of girl who stands out.

This lace-sleeved jumpsuit,

it's so background dancer.

But this vintage ivory gown.

Uh!

I mean.

That is stunning.

How much is it?

Most people set up payment plans

for the pieces in

our elite collection.

This one with the

crushed-diamond inlay?

It's my dream gown.

Let's try her on.

My hairdresser's step-brother

dates one of Meghan

Markle's stylists.

This piece is exactly like

the one Meghan wanted to wear

at the royal wedding.

The queen, though?

Total buzzkill about it.

Oh, honey, you look beautiful!

Lovely.

Love it.

I need to take

a picture of this.

It's too good not to.

Yeah.

Smile!

Just right around this corner.

Are you, uh, are you okay?

Yeah.

Thanks.

You sure, 'cause you

don't seem like it.

I just saw my boyfriend

hooking up with

another girl outside.

I wanna leave.

But he's sitting by the

door, and my phone is dead.

Hey, say no more.

I know a way out the back,

and I will call you a Lyft,

we'll get you out of here.

Mm-hmm.

I can't ask you for that.

Yeah, you can.

Girls got to have each

other's backs, all right?

And you deserve so much more!

Hey, look at it this way.

You found a swan,

you've got your out.

Now you can go be you.

Come on, let's get

you out of here.

Get you in that Lyft.

You never know,

maybe he'll be cute.

Hey, girl!

Hi.

Alex Feinberg, what is wrong?

This cute guy just

completely blew me off.

It's fine, it's

nothing, it's fine.

It's fine.

I'm gonna die alone.

I think you need this.

- A lot.

- Thank you.

Look, I keep telling you,

you're never going to meet

someone wearing cargo shorts.

And I keep telling you

that they're functional.

You look like a carpenter.

Trust me.

I work in fashion.

Hardly.

Please.

Today I sold a sick vintage

gown to a barn bride.

Do you remember when

my sister got married?

You compared her

wedding to genocide.

If words can k*ll,

then vows can m*ssacre.

Well, she's happier than ever.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, she

doesn't say hi, by the way.

Oh, she'll warm up

to me, give it time.

Now this, this is something

that I can't get over.

Put on some jeans!

Okay, I don't

think you understand

how many things I can fit.

I've got my wallet

and keys, okay?

I can't.

And a beer, which

you'll thank me for later.

I have chap stick and

sunglasses in here, some, some,

you're not even listening to me.

Oh, I know what you're doing.

Wait for me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Pre-game or booty call?

Neither, dinner.

God, you're awful.

Thank you.

No one is gonna buy you

dinner on a first date

at nine at night.

Stop being so cynical, Alex.

I believe that there is

a guy out there somewhere

- dumb enough...

- Horny enough.

To buy a girl an expensive meal

the first time he meets her.

Now, help me find him.

Okay, I will swipe for you,

so you don't feel shallow,

even though you are.

You're the best.

- Okay, this one is...

- Hot!

But do we think he'll

actually buy me dinner?

Hmph, no.

Okay, okay, into it.

He's a chef, it's meant to be.

There is an alternative to

dating for food, you know?

And that is?

Dating for love.

Ew, don't be disgusting.

Let's see.

I will have the balsamic

and mustard-glazed chicken,

and I'll start with

the tuna "tartar".

Very good.

It's "tartare".

Whatever.

And for you, sir?

Uh.

Whoa, jeez.

Uh, I'll have the side

salad and this bread.

Really great.

You can, uh, keep that coming.

Hm, yeah.

Had a late lunch.

Mm.

Excuse me, uh, before I

settle on the chicken,

talk to me about that special.

It is a bone-in, 16

ounce Wagyu beef rib eye.

And it is by far the

best thing on the menu.

Ah!

Well, then it's settled.

I'll have the steak!

Excellent choice.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Hungry, aren't you?

Mm, mm-hmm.

Um.

Okay, hold on.

I'm not a celebrity chef, okay?

I make minimum wage at

the diner down the street.

I make minimum wage, too.

Would you like

to get outta here?

Okay.

Whoo, all right!

Great, I'd like to have

my lights on this month.

What?

Nothin'.

All right.

There you go.

Wow!

Those are some fancy pancakes!

Right?

Yes.

Come to mama.

Why is this so good?

Well, I've been making

pancakes since I was six.

Mm.

Grandma told me never

to fear the flavor.

Plus, I just graduated

from culinary school, so.

- Oh, well.

- Yeah, yeah.

Where you from?

Virginia.

Moved out here for a girl.

Didn't really work out.

Then why'd you stay?

I wanna bring the South

to Southern California

and open up a restaurant.

What would you call it?

Mara's.

Smooth.

Right?

You liked it a little bit.

A little bit.

Thought so.

But until then, cooking

here is fun, too.

They let me create a salad.

Ugh, I hate salad.

No, no, no, you

wouldn't if I made it.

It's kinda uncool to

hustle dating apps for food.

It's called using people.

Men use women all the time.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I don't.

Guess I'll just have

to sleep with you then.

Am I making you nervous?

Do I seem nervous?

No kitchen?

No, but it's cheap.

How much?

1500 a month.

Oh!

Good deal!

Right?

Do you have a condom?

Uh, yeah, hold on.

Um.

Where is it?

I have one, I know I have one.

Ah, ah, okay, I got it.

Organized, yeah.

- My bad, I was just...

- Shh.

Just shh.

Yeah, I'm sorry, she just

stepped into a meeting.

Yes, I'll go ahead

and take a message

and I will have

her call you back.

Hello.

Thank you, bye.

Well, someone is glowing.

Who is this?

Hello!

Mara, meet Charlie.

Charlie, that's Mara.

You got another rescue?

Yes, Mara.

Another one.

I do not blame you, this

one seems really sweet.

All right, fill me

in, how was last night?

It was fine.

He made pancakes.

Oh, he made pancakes?

Yeah, and did you, did you

have these pancakes last night

or this morning?

A lady never tells.

Both.

Oh, Mara Baylor,

you little sl*t!

Shh!

Hey, Jim.

Hey, Alex.

It's good to see you.

All right, so,

what was his flaw?

What do you mean,

what's his flaw?

You know what I mean, you're

always looking for a flaw.

Well, maybe he doesn't have one.

And who knows, I may never

hear from him again, so.

Don't look at me.

Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

Enjoy.

Well, he's got a good a*s.

He's got a great a*s!

You know what?

To great asses.

Hm.

Look at us.

You're in skinny jeans,

I have a boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Yup.

Wow, look at you,

you're growing up.

And my jeans are so tight,

I can't feel my legs.

You know, you should

really show your work.

Mm, I don't know.

I don't think I'm ready to

jump into that just yet.

I think you should jump.

You become an artist

the minute you start showing

your stuff to the world.

I guess.

Hello?

Hey, sis.

Jessica?

Why are you calling me?

Oh, my God, what's

wrong, who died?

No, what?

Is it that weird

that I'm calling you?

You're late.

Sorry.

So no one is dead?

Shut up, I have big news.

I am happy to announce

I'm getting married!

What?

I'm getting married!

To who?

Brian.

Why are you marrying Brian?

Um, because he asked

me and I love him.

Ugh, last Christmas, Brian

clogged mom's toilet so bad,

even the plumber said he's

never seen anything like it.

Mara, all boys are gross, okay?

Yes, but not all

boys are scary dumb.

Brian thought euthanasia

was a country.

And after the train wreck

we call "mom and dad,"

why are you even getting

married in the first place?

Damn it, this is exactly

why I never call you.

Just because mom and

dad had a rough time,

doesn't mean that you and

I need to protect ourselves

by being alone forever.

So you're not at all worried

that Brian won't just

up and leave you one day

for his shrink, and then,

you're stuck with a baby,

a clogged toilet and...

Mara, can you just

say you're happy for me?

I'm happy for you.

I'm getting married!

Hm.

Mara, what the f*ck?

My sister's getting married

to clogged-toilet guy.

Oh.

Oh, that's exciting.

Ugh, whatever.

There you go, Luna.

Robbie, wassup, man?

I miss you.

I'm on speakerphone with Violet.

Big news, bro.

Violet and I are

getting married!

Yeah?

Yeah, I knew it.

Congratulations, man!

I'm so happy for you.

You know we all love Violet.

Look at you.

My big brother just getting

married and whatnot.

Oh, you know, I thought

he would never ask.

I was just waiting for the

perfect moment, you know?

Oh, perfect moment.

I made the perfect moment.

Put on some Jagged Edge,

popped a bottle of bubbly.

And then she said...

Marry me, or get out!

And now I'mma be Mrs. Harrison.

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t, I got to

go, I got to go, man.

I love you, though.

Congratulations.

Give Violet my love,

I'll talk to you later.

Not going to her wedding.

You got to be kidding me.

Why?

Seriously?

Ugh!

Wow.

Oh, my God!

Do you even know

this many people?

Ugh.

This is insane.

So how many does

this make altogether?

Me, fifteen weddings.

Is this karma?

I call it payback.

You know, most

of them are Jake's.

Learn from my mistakes,

Alex, never date an old guy.

Jake is 29.

Exactly, he's in his deep 20s.

If I go to these weddings,

I'm gonna meet everyone.

Jake is going to meet everyone.

Oh!

Yeah.

That, that's part of

being in a relationship.

If I go, I'm committing

to being his girlfriend

for, like, a whole year.

And?

Who knows what I'll

be doing in a year?

I could, like,

be living in Austin or Tulum.

You're exhibiting

zero logic right now.

Tulum is a one-week trip, tops.

Mmm.

Yeah, you're right.

I have no choice.

I am breaking up

with Jake tonight.

Oh my god.

Yes, yes.

Jake?

Jake, wake up, we need to talk.

Jake!

What, I'm up.

There are way too many

weddings and I'm freaking out.

It's giving me anxiety, and

we need to do something.

It's like the

middle of the night.

Can we do this in the morning?

No, we need to cut some now!

I don't have the money for it!

Traveling, wedding

gifts, the outfits,

committing to you

for, like, a year?

- What?

- What?

Huh?

Nothing.

Uh, okay, yeah.

It's a lot.

It is a lot.

And it gets expensive,

but between your

high-school friends

and my college friends,

your sister and my

brother, who do we cut?

Okay, so I thought a lot

about this while I was peeing.

Uh-huh.

And I think that we should

make a drinking game of it.

We go through each wedding,

and if we don't

agree on something...

Whoever wants to keep the

wedding has to take a shot.

Exactly.

I'll go get the vodka.

Alright.

Did you slap me?

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Sara's the sh*t.

She was in my top eight all

throughout middle school.

I've never even

heard of Sara before.

She's my cousin!

She talked me through

my first period.

In high school, we

threw him in a dumpster.

There was blood everywhere.

And he almost got crushed

by a trash compactor.

And Becca was cool about it!

Dope.

I'll kinda have to go

to Gilman's wedding.

I don't care if it's

his second wedding.

That man taught me how to fish.

We spent all day on the river.

Me, Murphy, Murphy's dad,

Murphy's dad's special

friend Svetlana.

Slevana?

Oh, my God.

He was doing Svetlana.

I actually don't

know who Lauren is.

Maybe she worked in a LA store.

We salt-crusted a

sea bass together!

You guys must've

really connected.

Maybe she was in that

one yoga class I took.

Maybe I just went

to camp with her.

Was Lauren the

girl who got lice?

Oh, Lauren!

She was in my band!

You had a band?

Yeah, I did, until Lauren joined

and then she kicked me

down to background vocals.

Seven weddings in a year.

It's gonna be fun.

Yeah, we'll see.

What?

I don't know what it

is about a guy in slacks,

but you look super-hot.

Is that right?

Oh, that is right.

Between you and your suit,

me and my side boob, mm!

Yeah.

You look good.

Here.

It may get cold.

Uh, thanks, but no thanks.

Okay.

Jake, who's that?

Remember the

girl I moved to LA for?

That's Nicole?

That's the girl who dumped you?

Yup.

She's like a supermodel.

Nicole is not a supermodel.

She did cheerleading for the

Broncos for a little bit,

but that's about it.

I need more makeup.

I need my face to be

better than her face.

Nicole doesn't

really wear makeup.

Just a little lip gloss.

That's just her face

and a little gloss?

Yo, Harrison?

- Oh!

- Oh, sh*t!

What's up, man?

What's good, boy?

Good to see you, man.

Uh, Gilman, my girlfriend, Mara.

Mara, Gilman.

Trash-compactor dude!

Yup!

Still got the scar

and everything.

Yo, remember Miller?

With the hair?

Dude's going bald, you

got to come see it, bro.

No way.

It's crazy, it's a joke.

I'mma take him.

- We'll be right back.

- I'll be back, I'm sorry.

Okay.

I'll be fine.

I'll be okay.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Please do not come over here.

Please turn around.

Mara, right?

Uh, hi!

You must be Nicole!

- Hi.

- Uh-huh.

Oh, my God, you're adorable!

I mean, I heard Jake was

dating someone younger,

but he really robbed

the cradle, didn't he?

Youthful glow.

Not all of us can be so blessed.

But you can't be older

than, uh, what, 32, 33?

I love the jumpsuit.

It's so revealing.

How sweet!

Cool, uh, necklace.

Oh, thanks!

Yeah, Janet got it for me.

Early birthday gifts.

Janet?

Jake's mom.

Oh, we're really close.

He didn't tell you?

Another Scotch, please.

Maybe you should slow down.

They haven't even passed

out the appetizers yet.

f*cking rehearsal dinners.

Why do people have weddings

before their actual wedding?

And, no, I will not slow down

because I only know

two people here.

My boyfriend, who is currently

at his high-school reunion,

and his ex, who is that.

Damn.

Yeah.

That is exactly why I need

another Scotch, please.

Alright, I got you.

I'll make it a double.

Thank you.

That sl*t!

Are you gonna let her

clown you like that?

Oh, hell, no.

Are you sure you

don't want any water?

You seem really drunk.

Shh!

Mara, where you've been?

I've been looking for you.

Dance-off, b*tch!

Whoa!

Oh, Mara, how much

have you had to drink?

Now!- - I'm sorry,

you wanna do what?

She's trying to steal your heart

and I'm gonna stop her from

doing that, by dancing.

Okay.

Are you ready to be owned?

I'mma own your a*s.

I'm gonna.

You think you can twerk?

Oh, you think you can twerk?

This is how you twerk.

Well, I can twerk better.

I can do the split!

Okay.

Alright, mm-hmm..

Mm.

I'm gonna throw up.

You have to, okay.

I'm gonna throw up.

There you go.

Alright, okay, get it out.

There we go.

Good job.

Uh-huh.

You alright?

Well, I'm finished.

Okay, let's just go to sleep.

Come on.

Okay.

Happy birthday.

Goodnight, y'all.

Wait, where is my camera?

Mara.

Give me my camera,

did you steal my camera?

Mara, no.

I'll come, I'll come back.

Get her out of here?

We're just gonna go.

Don't you touch my camera.

Don't you touch my man.

Is everyone staring at me?

Yup.

Tell me this isn't real.

It sure is.

Oh.

Oh, snap!

Are these Eggs Sardou?

Egg so what?

Uh, poached eggs,

artichoke hearts.

Really?

Uh.

There's alcohol in that.

Yes.

I love single

people at weddings.

They're only here

for two things.

Free appetizers and

amateur hook-up hour.

That's why they're

always the first ones

to storm the raw bar.

Why?

Duh, aphrodisiacs.

Ah!

Ooh!

Okay, see?

Look.

Look at what he's doing.

He's saying whatever it takes

to get his lips on her oyster.

That's gross.

I know.

I love it.

I can't look away.

Well, I'm gonna look away.

Looking away, looking

away, looking.

Oh, there's Alex.

Aww.

He found a crush.

That guy?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I think I

can make that happen.

Uh, I don't know if

that's a good idea.

Alex will talk to

him if he wants to.

Come on, I'm trying

to win some points

with your best friend.

I don't know, Jake.

Thank you so much.

Jake!

He's cute.

Who's cute?

The guy you've been staring at.

Don't play dumb.

I'm not playing du.

This is a, this is a beautiful

golf course, by the way.

Do you golf, Jake?

I do.

You know what?

You should man up and

let me be your wingman.

I don't.

No?

Okay, that's fine.

I'll do it.

No, no!

Hah, do not engage with Zak.

I am being dead

serious right now.

Like, uh, if there's

a fire, let him burn.

I mean it.

But you already

know his name is Zak?

I...

Mm-hmm.

Great.

You would make a really

cute couple, though.

Just saying.

So good to see you.

I'll talk, I'll talk to you...

Go on.

I can do this.

Yes, you can.

Go get him, tiger.

Okay.

- Oh.

- It's a thing.

I can do this, I can do this.

But, yes, I mean,

it's cool to see it.

I can't do this.

Nope, can't, I can't do this.

It's okay.

You'll get him next time.

Hey, Zak, right?

Yeah. How's it going?

Jake.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm here with my

girlfriend and our friend.

I'm gonna k*ll him.

Alex.

He's got a good a*s.

He's got a great a*s.

We now invite all guests

to take their seats

as the ceremony

is about to begin.

Okay, come on.

It's okay, calm down.

Oh.

I got you, man.

You can thank me

at your wedding.

Ow!

I haven't had a titty-twister

since middle school.

Guys, stop!

I'm sorry, Mara, but your

boyfriend's being a d*ck,

and now I'm gonna beat his a*s.

Like, that's how you

beat someone's a*s?

Do men even have

twistable n*pples?

Well, it's more in the

pinch than it is in the twist.

- Oh.

- Hey guys.

You havin' a good time?

Yes.

Uh, sorry.

Sorry, that was stupid.

I was teaching him

some dance moves.

Oh, cool.

Hey, who are you sitting with?

Who I am sitting with?

I'm,

don't, I don't, nobody.

Uh, well, do you

wanna sit with me?

Yeah.

Great.

Cool.

Told you I could do it.

Mm-hmm.

Now we're reading

from First Corinthians.

"Love is patient and kind."

Love is not jealous or boastful.

It is not arrogant or rude.

Love does not insist

on its own way.

"It is not irritable

or resentful."

God, is it almost over?

It feels like it's been years.

You've only been here

for, like, an hour.

What?

At least we're not standing.

Yeah, you'd think they'd wear

something more comfortable,

being stuck up there and all.

Like, put on some sneakers.

Shh!

How can you even

focus on her shoes?

I can't get past her hair.

It's, it's like a

canary got in there.

Well, I don't know

what's in there,

but it is much

bigger than a canary.

Shh..

How do you think we'll

f*ck up this wedding?

Well, I think we're

already doing it.

But there's no

person in the world

I'd rather f*ck

up with than you.

Chosen to recite their own vows.

I promise to love you

with a love that's everlasting.

Ripped.

Ripped straight from Google.

You think so?

Oh, yes.

Gotcha.

Not just for today.

"Not just today, but

for every day forthcoming.

I will love and cherish."

Wow, he didn't even try.

I know.

I can't wait to start

a family with you.

Think they'll make it?

With plagiarized vows?

No way!

And they're way too

touchy-feely with each other.

It's like they're trying

to prove something.

I give them six months, tops.

That's it?

Well, I mean, you got

one month of married bliss.

Obviously.

And then he starts to leave

his underwear on the floor,

she stops shaving her legs,

and then all of that resentment

starts to bubble

up and then, boom!

Divorce central.

You've really thought

about this, huh?

By the power invested in me,

I now pronounce

you man and wife.

They're really going for it.

Get a room!

What did she say?

She said, "Get a room," Gary.

What the hell did we eat?

God, and I'm gonna die!

At my wedding, I'm gonna die.

Ellie?

Mara, make it stop.

I can't, honey.

Please.

Oh, God.

At first I thought

that it was cholera,

but it turned to be

those goddamned baby eels

at last night's

rehearsal dinner.

Yeah, that, that

makes more sense.

I'm gonna k*ll Marcus.

Are you, uh, gonna be okay?

Yeah.

It's nothing a

c*ck can't fix.

Hey, sweetie.

Uh, have you thought

about what I said?

Like, maybe just cancel

the whole reception.

We are canceling nothing!

And f*ck you for choosing

that weird restaurant,

you bougie prick!

Okay.

Love you.

Okay.

Okay, like, um,

all of my bridesmaids,

they got sick too.

So, congratulations, Mara.

You're my new maid of honor.

Oh, me?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you'll be great, okay?

Just, just make your

speech funny and then sad,

and-and then make it cute.

And then make it sad

again and then hopeful.

Oh god, it's coming

the other way.

I usually like

my tenderloin rare.

Not like tartare rare,

but if I can get a nice price

on a good piece of meat,

you can't really beat that.

You just like cube up the

steak, little parsley,

ah, drop of raw

quail yolk on it,

just let it ooze all over it.

You think he would mind if

I had some of that fish?

Stop it!

Stop it right now or

I will m*rder you,

right here in front of everyone.

Would you like a

bite of the fish?

Oh, it's time.

Okay.

You're gonna do great.

Shh!

Hearing your voice

stresses me out.

Well, thank you.

You're gonna do great!

Good evening.

My name is Mara Baylor.

It is an honor to

be here with you,

celebrating the union of

a very special couple.

Thank you for joining this

remarkable evening of love,

friendship and commitment.

Regrettably, Ellie's

sister has taken ill,

so the privilege of maid of

honor has been passed on to me,

Ellie's

apprentice.

I would now like to welcome you

to the wedding of Ellie

Williams and Howard Lee.

It's Marcus.

It's Marcus Lee.

Oh, my God!

Howard's your ex.

sh*t!

Uh, Marcus.

Uh Marcus.

I meant Marcus.

Sorry honey.

So when Ellie and I met,

she needed a salesgirl who

didn't steal the merchandise,

and I had just gotten fired

from the MAC counter for,

well, stealing the merchandise.

God, that was such a

strange time in my life.

I had this roommate

from Craigslist.

Gosh, she was such a b*tch.

And this girl,

no joke, kept a

snake in her room.

Like, a live, legitimate snake.

And she would deny it.

But, like, I would see

her take mice in there,

and they would never come

out, so you do the math.

Mara, please, focus.

Right, yes.

Yes.

Yes, uh.

Oh.

Oh!

Ellie and I have such

a funny relationship,

it's really, it's

really, really great.

She tells me I spend

too much time on myself.

I tell her she doesn't spend

enough time on herself.

But every day I get

her to close the store

a few minutes early.

We go out to the back alley,

smoke a little bit of

weed, talk things...

Seriously, Mara, stop.

No, I don't smoke weed.

But, but, this is good.

But the one thing Ellie will

always make time for is Marcus.

I'm so sorry for screwing

up your name earlier.

Seriously, that's on me.

My bad.

I really think...

I think we need to,

like, you know, wrap it up.

Yes.

To Ellie and Howard!

sh*t, f*ck!

I did it again.

I'm so sorry.

To Ellie and Marcus.

May your love grow each day

and never forget

to omita la angula.

Oh.

It means, skip the eel.

Whoo!

Yeah!

You crushed that.

What?

Like, I put people in pain?

No, you were you.

You were perfect.

You always are.

We really bring out the

best in each other, don't we?

We really do.

So I was thinking, maybe

we should move in together.

Wow!

What do you think?

Um, well, we are kinda

hemorrhaging money at the moment.

Romantic.

I think we should do it.

- I was thinkin' tomorrow...

- Just shut up.

I think those

sheets made me itchy.

Should've stayed

at the nicer hotel.

Seven weddings means we can

never stay at the nice hotel.

Where the hell is our ride?

Should've gone with Lyft.

I mean, it keeps saying that

he'll be here in 10 minutes

and then it's 15 and then five,

and then he's here.

And now he is in the

ocean, 20 minutes away.

Come on.

Let's Bonnie and

Clyde this b*tch.

What?

Mara, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

g*dd*mn it!

Come on, you know

how to ride, right?

Alright, okay.

Give it to me.

Go, go, go, go.

Okay, alright.

Here we go.

Hey!

We'll bring it back, I promise!

Good evening.

Leave it out front.

Come on.

You wouldn't believe

what I just got.

What's that?

So, the bride got an

extra room to change in.

Guess who's sleepin'

there tonight?

- Oh.

- Ooh-ooh!

Ow!

Oh, my God, this is beautiful!

Ah!

Rich-people hotel

rooms are the best!

I would like to note

that this is the first wedding

that we handled like

responsible adults.

How many more weddings

do we have left?

Two, three.

Oh, my God!

My sister's wedding is next.

She's gonna be a

complete nightmare.

I'm gonna have to

take care of her.

And then it's your

brother's wedding,

we'll meet the entire family.

Hey, Mara,

tonight just focus on us.

Hm.

Oh.

Smile.

Always askin' me to smile.

I love it when you smile.

Now put your hands

above your head.

My hands above my head?

Yeah, like a, like

an underwear model.

Oh!

Okay.

Hey.

What?

Let's stay like this forever.

I don't think we can afford

to stay like this forever.

You know what I mean.

I have to tell you something.

Yeah?

What is it?

It's scary.

Okay.

I think.

I really love you.

Let's get married.

What?

Marry me.

Holy sh*t.

See, this is what

growing up feels like.

Adding a little

stability to your life.

So what did mom and

dad think of him?

But, seriously, marriage

is a real commitment.

Barbara, you started screwin'

around during our honeymoon.

What do you know

about commitment?

Oh, my God!

Do I smell rosemary?

I think I smell rosemary.

Yeah, that smells

fantastic, Jake.

Thank you.

Would you like to try it?

See if it's missin' anything?

Oh, it's very good.

Very nice.

That's the sophisticated

palate for ya.

Nobody is, is worldly

as you, Barbara.

How's Guillermo, Barbara?

Hm.

Who's Guillermo?

Guillermo's the man your father

thought I f*cked

on our honeymoon.

So embarrassing!

I'm not embarrassing.

Your father's embarrassing.

Just trying to give

these kids some advice.

Oh, advice from you.

That would be a miracle.

This is our little

miracle, right here,

that she came out

of this monster.

You know, isn't Little Miracle

what we used to call your-

- Hey, you know what,

I had trouble one time gettin'

a hard-on, imagine that.

Amber alert over here

probably likes the smell of

cigarettes and boxed wine.

Do you like that, kid?

God, I feel like I'm

watching fetish porn.

So, Jake, you hittin'

Coachella this year?

No, just, come here.

They like Jake.

Mom's slam piece loves him.

What did your

parents talk about?

Uh, themselves.

They just fought per usual.

They haven't spent that much

time together in 20 years,

and they still hate each other.

Yeah.

Well, that's mom and dad.

Makes you wonder why anyone

would get married

in the first place.

Mara, if you don't

wanna marry Jake

, like, if you're

at all unsure...

It's not that,

I didn't say that.

It's just,

we've only been dating,

like, nine months.

That's a good amount of time.

The-the only thing matters

is, do you love Jake?

Of course, I do.

If I didn't, I

would've just said no.

That would've been way easier.

Look, it takes more than

love to make a marriage work.

It's about choosing

what's important

and what you can do without.

Take me for example.

I freaked out this morning

before the ceremony.

But should I marry Brian?

If I marry Brian, what

am I missing out on?

Who am I missing out on?

Firemen, perhaps?

Maybe a soldier who just

got back from Afghanistan?

The kind of guy that scares

you, but in a good way.

Like, you never know

if you're gonna make

it out of sex alive.

That doesn't sound safe.

This is super hot.

I am still freaking out.

I have so much to do.

I have to change his savings

into a joint account,

I have to figure out his will.

Like, do I keep everything

or do I have to share

some with the family?

What were we talking about?

Soldiers.

Cold feet.

Good mornin'.

Mm.

I need coffee.

Well, I'll do you one better.

Homemade eggs Benedict

for my fiance.

Mm, later.

Well, I just poached the egg.

There isn't really any later.

Okay, coffee comin'.

So, I was thinkin'.

A new restaurant just

opened up down the block.

And if you don't have

any plans for later.

You're welcome.

Hey, how's it goin'?

Good mornin'.

Thanks for comin'.

Alright.

Where's your camera?

Back in LA.

I'm dead.

You should've stopped me

before we started

those tequila shots.

What are you talking about?

All you have to do

is sit there and eat.

I'm the one who

has to be charming

for your family and

sh*t all weekend.

Ooh!

Yes.

Mara, you're f*cking savage!

Ah!

I call it resourceful.

Hey, man, where's Violet?

I haven't seen her all mornin'.

Still in our room, passed

out in her wedding dress.

She'll, she'll be down soon.

Violet's never been

good with Champagne.

Hm.

Mm, something sweet

I can actually eat.

You're gonna eat one of those

or just play touchy feely?

Save it for you wife.

I'm just gonna...

I may have to have a

long talk with that boy.

Have you tried the eggs

Benedict, Mrs. Harrison?

They're amazing.

Oh, now you want eggs Benedict.

Mara, why be so formal?

Call me mom.

So when are y'all

movin' back to Virginia?

Hm,

uh, we were never going

to move to Virginia.

What in the world is so

special about Los Angeles?

I mean, it's nothin' but

avocados and traffic.

Well, Janet, Mom,

our lives are there.

Our friends, my career.

She's, like I said,

it's a conversation.

I thought you worked at a store.

You know, we-we just

got a new Target.

No, actually, I work

in a small boutique,

uh, but I'm also

into photography.

I can see why you

wanna marry her, son.

You're gorgeous.

Thank you.

How many babies

you're gonna put in her?

Dad, no.

How about five children?

None.

How about we just have none?

I mean, all women want babies.

Comes with the territory.

Do you accept Jesus Christ

as your Lord and Savior?

Just tell grandma

you believe in Jesus.

I believe in Jesus.

Hallelujah.

We're gonna have the ceremony

at Pastor Watkins' church.

Oh, P-Pastor Watkins.

Yes, sister.

I'm seein' peach.

Are you on the Instagram?

I don't really...

Did you see that Throwback

Thursday I posted of Jake.

Senior prom,

you and Nicole.

Oh, you were so happy back then.

Yes, but I am pretty happy now.

Okay.

You know, Jakey likes his girls

with some meat on their bones.

Mm.

Have you seen Nicole?

Mm, mm, mm.

Not as much back as Nicole,

but you can work with it.

Dad, uh.

Mara, tell us all

about your family, baby.

Your parents, how long

have they been together?

Oh, they were married

for maybe about ten years.

Oh, they died?

Oh, no.

They're not dead,

they're just divorced.

We do not divorce.

Well, in certain circumstances,

some people, they...

There are no split branches

up in this family tree.

We just wait for them

to dry up and fall off.

That means, to death.

You made your bed.

A deal is a deal.

I will!

That's it.

Will you excuse me for a second?

Oh, hey, baby.

You alright?

Well, I see why

you left this place.

She ain't no Nicole.

Oh, sh*t.

So this honeymoon,

where are you guys going?

Going to Maui.

Ah, Maui.

When do you leave?

Uh, tomorrow.

Yeah.

How's mom with her?

- I mean, she's, well, she's not...

- What?

Hello.

Jake, we have a runner.

Violet took off.

I think she's leaving Robbie.

sh*t!

Well, then, you

got to go get her.

What?

No!

I'm tired, I'm hungover,

I'm still drunk.

I don't want to.

Wait, what?

Just go, go.

Uh.

We got to go.

Violet.

Violet!

Do not make me run in heels!

Ow!

Oh, my God.

Violet, wait up!

Violet, I'm right

behind you, wait.

I can't run in these heels.

Who am I kidding?

How do you get these off?

And she's gone.

Hey, Robbie knows

where Violet went.

Get in.

Okay.

Are you limping?

What happened?

Get in, come on.

- Why is your shoe off?

- I can't run in heels.

Come on, we got to go, we

got to go, I know exactly.

Before she leaves.

Goodness gracious.

I lost her.

She's fast for a

girl in a corset.

Why is she running?

She's getting a cheeseburger.

The first thing that

Violet wanted to do

after the wedding

was break her diet.

Respect.

I know my baby so well.

She says this place has the

best cheeseburger in the world.

So what's the move here?

I'll, um,

I'll, I'll go and, um,

I'll go and talk.

I, I, I can't.

I'll do it.

No, no, I'll do it.

Are you sure, are you sure?

Yeah, I got this.

- Yup, mm-hmm, I got it.

- Okay.

Doin' it.

I don't.

Yeah, she is?

I don't feel like, I feel

like she's not gonna get it.

She's got it.

Hey, Violet.

Mm.

Can I have a fry?

Thanks.

Everything okay?

Peachy.

Come on, we're almost sisters.

Kinda.

You can talk to me.

Why are you running?

Look, I love Robbie, okay?

But his family, they

are crazy as hell.

Ever since we got engaged,

all they do is pester me.

"When are you gonna have a baby?"

How many babies?

Ooh, when you

gonna quit your job

"so you can take care

of all them babies?"

I mean, I didn't even know

that people were

still like this, Mara.

It's like they think I'm some

kind of freakin' breeder.

It's, uh, it's a

lot to deal with.

Mm-hmm.

You know, at first I thought

it was just his mom and then,

you know, his dad and

then his sweet old granny.

But it turns out that

Robbie is just like them.

I mean, look, Jake

might be different, okay?

But I don't know.

Who knows?

Girl, get out!

Get out while you

still can, okay?

Look, look, Violet,

it's easy to run away,

especially, when you've spent

the past six months in the gym.

Eight.

Look, if you really

wanna go, then go.

I, I will cover for you.

But I think you'll

regret leaving

if you don't talk

to Robbie first.

He needs to hear that

from you, face-to-face.

I don't even know

where Robbie is.

Oh, he's in the parking lot,

crying in a small

Korean compact.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, he's crying?

Yeah, oh, yes, a lot.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

You wanna finish any of this?

No, I've already

had three of these.

I mean, I'll take a couple

of these for the road and...

I'll get your bag.

Just gonna up and leave

'cause you don't

wanna have babies?

What else was I supposed to do?

Your family was trying to

inseminate me in the reception.

Well, may,

that's what marriages are for!

They're supposed to put babies.

Yes.

Oh, that's what they're for?

I'm a machine?

I'm just gonna pump

out babies for you?

I thought I was your wife.

Yes.

Oh, oh, this is, this,

I'm pouring my heart out.

Y-you're breaking my heart.

Come on and put

your hands on me.

What's going on?

I love you.

Wait.

So they're back together now?

Oh, my God.

Uh, well, I just

saw Violet's vag*na,

so I'm gonna say probably.

Newlyweds.

Where is it?

We're gonna find it.

Don't worry.

Two layovers and 13 hours later.

But no lost luggage.

Shouldn't have cheaped

out on plane tickets.

Come on, and miss spendin'

the night at Cinnabon?

Yeah, we're never gonna find it.

Oh, my God!

Did we even park here?

I just wanna go

home and take a nap.

This is so annoying.

Ah, Mara, I know that

your car is a piece of sh*t,

but most cars come

with an alarm system.

My car is not a piece of sh*t.

Don't patronize me.

What?

I found it!

Great.

Ugh!

Well, it finally happened.

My sweet baby girl is dead.

I'll call a tow truck.

Jake.

Mm?

How do you picture

our lives after we get married?

I don't know.

I haven't really

thought about it.

Well, picture it now.

We get married, five years

go by, what do you see?

Okay.

I see a house, a

dog in the yard.

What kind of dog?

A rescue.

Obviously.

And inside, we're having a

really fancy dinner party

because we're rich now.

I'm grilling rib eye and

you're making the salad.

Am I taking photos?

Oh, you still do that now?

There's a big bathroom

and an office.

And a guest bedroom

that one day,

maybe,

turns into a kid's room.

Oh, it's in Virginia,

so he or she can get

to know my family.

No.

No?

No to what?

The dog?

No, just no.

Mara, you've been

acting weird all day.

What are you talking about?

All of it.

Weddings, babies, moving and,

I can't, I can't do it.

I can't.

Distractions from my career?

Career?

What career?

Uh, photography.

You take pictures that nobody

ever sees, how's that a job?

What do you know?

I know that you

can do that anywhere,

Los Angeles or Virginia.

I can't do it in Virginia.

Why?

What's wrong with Virginia?

Yeah, it's not about Virginia!

I just can't do it, okay?

You should know that,

you should get that!

What are you doing?

Oh, uh, you wanna get high now?

It's been a long few days.

Okay?

No, you don't get to do that.

You don't get to

just pick a fight

and then decide to go get high!

You're oppressing me!

You're acting crazy!

No, you are!

You live in a

g*dd*mn snow globe,

and I tried it out, Jake, I did!

I tried your home and

I tried your family,

and I f*cking hated it!

You hate my family?

No, you, that,

you know what I mean, I...

I don't.

My parents were so

excited to see you,

and you couldn't,

you couldn't just put your

thing aside for one weekend.

My, my thing?

What's my thing?

Yes, your thing.

You're selfish, Mara.

Okay, you could be doing

so much more, but, no.

You just have to b*tch

and make excuses.

It's like you're too

afraid to get off your a*s!

f*ck you.

Yeah, and I would

chill on the whole

you-could-be-doing-so-much-more

thing.

You're a cook at a diner!

Yeah, well, at least

I'm doing something.

Not your dream.

You can't bring the South

to Southern California

if you're living in Virginia.

Oh, God, f*cking

finger's swollen.

Hey, hey, okay,

look, look, look.

It has been, it's

been a rough few days.

No.

Mara, I love you.

It's not enough for you,

that is never going

to be enough for you!

I'm not the marrying type.

I thought I could be.

But you want someone who'd go

to church with your grandma

and do game nights

with your parents,

someone who'll be home

in time for dinner.

And that's just,

that's just not me.

Okay, alright, okay.

Let's just think about this.

I have been thinking about this.

I've been thinking about this

from the moment I said yes.

It takes more than love

to make a marriage work.

Please, just take it.

So you found the flaw.

I wasn't looking

for one, I swear.

I'm so sorry, Mara.

I asked him about our future

and he could only

talk about his,

like he, like he saw me as

this cookie-cutter version

in his future.

And I, I-I know

where it comes from.

It comes from his family.

And they were shoving their

traditions down my throat.

And I couldn't take it and...

You don't think your parents

didn't scare the

hell out of him?

My parents,

they never should've gotten

married in the first place.

Well, then you

wouldn't be here, would you?

Jake?

Nicole?

Uh, what are you doin' here?

Well, I heard you got a new job.

Well, I saw it on

your mom's Instagram.

But it's so good to see you.

Yeah.

Well, you, too.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear

about you and Mara.

Uh,

how'd you find out?

Also on your mom's Instagram.

Huh.

Hm.

What about you?

Turns out Adam's

a bit of a jerk, so.

Well,

in your face.

Yeah, I guess I deserve that.

Mm-hmm.

Jake, I am so sorry for

the way things ended with us.

It's cool.

Really.

Well, I think we should catch up

over another round,

if you're down.

I don't really think

that's such a good idea.

Oh, come on.

Jake, it's one drink.

Alright.

One drink.

Nice.

Let's move, I don't wanna

keep that food critic waiting.

Okay.

The reduction looks beautiful.

Nice work.

Thanks.

Now let's get back to it.

Okay.

We are so excited to

have you join the team.

We're all about what's fun,

what's fearless and

what's female in SoCal.

Your eye is exactly what

we've been looking for.

But we're curious.

What other wedding

stuff can you give us?

We're trying to break into

the whole bridal fever.

I'm, I'm kinda

done with all that.

But you're our wedding girl.

I've never been a wedding girl

and I never wanna

come off as one.

Again, I just,

look, if you just wanna

buy my old pictures,

I'm happy to give...

They're online.

Day old bread as far

as I'm concerned.

Look, Mara, what

we need from you

is to keep going

to those weddings

and get your camera lens

on the stuff that the

professionals aren't staging.

Mm.

You wanna get paid to

play with the Yankees,

you got to play ball.

Hm.

I appreciate you

meeting with me, uh,

but those weddings,

they wrecked me.

At least the good parts of me.

And I just want to move on

and find those parts again.

Thanks for the latte, though.

Oh, and FYI, this is

Dodgers' territory.

I told you not to

use a sports reference.

I, uh.

Holy sh*t!

Okay.

Well, if you're gettin'

laid, I'mma get laid.

Nope.

Uh-uh.

Glasses.

Ewe.

You'll do Peter27.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Peter, right?

Hey, Moira.

Oh, it's, uh, Mara, actually.

Cool.

Uh, you look different

in your photos.

Oh!

Cuter in person.

No.

Just different.

Hey, you want a shot?

Yes!

Yes, yeah.

Mm!

Thank you.

- Cheers!

- Cheers.

More, please!

We need more.

- Yeah!

- Cheers!

What a p*ssy!

Keep going, keep going.

I have to breathe.

Skol.

Cheers to that!

Whoo!

I just spilled it

all over my face.

I have vodka in my eyes.

Good time.

Whoo!

This is fun.

You know, your picture

didn't look very fun,

but you're really fun.

Oh, gosh.

Mara!

Where are you goin'?

I was gonna make pancakes.

No.

No!

Mm-mm.

What, did I do

something wrong or, or...

Of course not!

It's

pancakes are just really

triggering for me right now.

Okay.

Well, you know, I can

make waffles, if you want.

Listen, I just had sex

with you 'cause I was sad.

That's, you know, pretty mean.

Uh, yeah, well,

girls can be mean, too.

And that's okay.

Great sex playlist, though.

Thought you should know that.

You were really good!

I know!

Alex.

Mara, I have big news.

Zak just asked me to marry him.

We were hanging out and,

I, well, I don't know.

He dropped to one knee

and I thought he lost

his contact lens,

'cause he got these new ones.

They're colored.

I can't stand them.

Alex, get to the point.

And he popped the question.

Mara?

Did I lose you?

No.

Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna

put you on speaker with us.

Hey, Zak, uh, congratulations.

Thank you so much, Mara.

I know it's kind

of sudden, but, um,

we have decided

to just go for it,

and we're getting

married next month.

Holy sh*t.

Uh, well, we got, we

got to celebrate, right?

I mean, pop some champagne.

I'm gonna squeeze you so

hard when I see you, Alex.

I can't wait.

There is more.

More?

We were thinking

about inviting Jake.

He's the reason we're together.

Yeah, I mean, if

he hadn't come up to me

at that wedding, then...

Then, we wouldn't be

having a wedding, you know?

I know.

But we wanna get

your blessing first

because your friendship

is more important

than our thank you.

Okay.

Okay.

Wait, uh, okay, like...

Okay, like, uh, invite him.

Really, um, I'm so

happy for you guys.

Well, thank you, Mara.

Thank you so much, Mara.

We love you.

Love you, too.

Do we give Jake a plus one?

We're not trashy, Alex.

Or are we?

Not with this ring.

Okay.

Okay, now hold hands.

Yeah.

Oh, that's great.

No teeth, okay.

No teeth.

Now, hold your hands again.

Perfect.

Okay, now one without shirts.

Hello?

Yes, well, uh, yeah.

They're, they're all for sale.

Uh-huh.

It's so exciting..

Can I take it for you?

Yeah.

Jess?

What's wrong?

I left him.

I left Brian.

Please don't say you told me so.

Last week I went to happy

hour with my girlfriends,

and they were all gushing

over their husbands

and their fiancs.

And the whole time, I

never thought about Brian.

Not once.

It's like we were just living

completely separate lives.

Look, I love Brian.

I don't dread waking up

to him every morning.

I'm just not thrilled about it.

Do you know what I mean?

Not really.

Well, of course, you don't.

You had a real partner in Jake.

I wish I had that.

I thought you said

it takes more than love

to make a marriage work.

It can,

but it shouldn't.

No.

Okay, well, what about this one?

I'm not going to

a funeral, Ellie.

Okay.

Come on.

Ooh!

Got it.

Touch of glamor.

This could actually

be really fierce.

Oh, my God, yes!

I have the perfect

ballet slippers for it.

Now, this could be

a real power move.

Oh, my gosh!

Do you think I

could pull that off?

You?

Now?

Absolutely.

Hello!

Hey.

It's good to see you guys.

You look great.

- Enjoy the party, okay?

- Okay.

Hello, everybody.

My name is Mara, if you

don't already know by now.

Um, thank you so

much for being here

on this beautiful occasion.

Alex and I became best friends

the moment I saw this video.

Okay.

Oh my god!

What's up, MTV?

My name is Alex Feinberg.

I'm a freshman at

UC Santa Barbara

and I wanna be a contestant

on the next season of the "Real

World/Road Rules Challenge."

MTV, meet my rats.

I don't, I don't

still have the rats.

FYI, the rats' names

were Tek and Ruthie.

And, yes, that is a

reference to "Real World."

And, yes, Alex still

thinks those pants

are as flattering as

they are functional.

Oh!

Now, this video goes

on for another 15 minutes

and it's mostly just

Alex showing MTV

how to make a sarong

out of bedsheets.

So I tracked down

this lovable weirdo

because I knew I

needed him in my life.

And while I now have to share

my lovable weirdo with Zak,

I appreciate them every

day just a little bit more.

Not just for sharing their love,

but for teaching me that this,

the two of you,

that is what a real,

functional relationship is.

So cheers.

Cheers!

To Alex and Zak,

the cargo pants of couples.

Get over here before

I embarrass myself.

Where did you find that?

Hiyah!

Hey, Mara.

That was a really great speech.

Thanks.

Uh, where's Nicole?

We get, like, a drink

sometimes, but that's really.

Can we talk outside?

Yeah.

Yeah.

- You look really good.

- You look really good.

I, I was gonna say

the same thing.

I-I did say the same thing

at the exact same time.

Stop talking.

So, I, um,

that, uh, that food

critic's review, I read it.

Um, it's really something.

Congratulations.

I'm so happy for you.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Uh, and I saw your website.

Yeah.

Really proud of you.

Thanks.

I jumped in because of you.

It's weird 'cause it's like

everything I've ever wanted,

but I just, just...

It doesn't quite feel right.

Yes.

We went to a total of

seven weddings together.

Robbie and Violet's,

Ellie and Howard's...

I think his name was Marcus.

Oh, dammit!

Really struggled with that.

I think I really loved Howard.

Anyways, um, all those couples,

those seven couples, they,

they all had one

thing in common.

What they had that I didn't?

The will to try.

And they all, they all

had their problems.

Look, Mara, I know

that I scared you.

They all pushed through.

I rambled on about

some bullshit life and...

The second that I

had the chance to run,

I didn't take my advice,

and I'm miserable.

This is not you, it's not us.

I wasn't miserable.

I'm still in love with you,

exactly how you are,

for who you are.

Mara, when you took

off that ring...

I know.

I have to tell you something.

It's scary.

Just say it.

I'm still in love with you.

Am I making you nervous?

Do I seem nervous?

Cold feet?

Me?

Really?

It's a big commitment.

Just wanna make

sure you're sure.

I'm sure.

Alright.

Look at this one right here.

Hey.

- Hey, guys.

- Hello!

Hey, guys.

Sup.

You're so sweet.