Drunk Wedding (2015)

[bunniefuu]

Customer service, how can I help you?

Yeah. Hi, my name's Phil

and I'm a filmmaker,

and I just bought your camera.

And I think it's broken,

to tell you the truth, 'cause it's...

What exactly is the problem?

Well, there's no picture, okay, bud?

It's just... I'm just seeing black.

These buttons don't seem to be

doing anything, you know?

Sir, did you remove the lens cap?

Did that fix if?

No. Thanks, though, it's...

I'll figure it out.

Hi. My name's Phil.

I live here with my wife Daphne.

She's a great gal.

Daphne's little sister, Elissa...

Hot. She's getting married

to this great guy named Jon.

Jon, man, you're marrying

my wife's sister,

which makes us brothers.

They're doing a destination wedding.

That means, you go somewhere

and you get married.

And they're going to Nicaragua,

which means

they're going to Nicaragua.

I thought, "Hey, let's get

a whole mess of cameras",

"send them to, you know,

out to all the friends"

"and just have 'em film

all the craziness we get into."

Put it all together in, like,

a nice little wedding video

for the guys 'cause...

- Phil?

- They're both special to me.

- That's Daph.

- Hey!

Where are you?

- Hey-

- Hey-

- Hey. How are you?

- What's going on?

- What's that? A camera?

- Yes, isn't that cool?

Where'd you get a camera?

I got a camera at Best Buy,

where electronics are sold.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

How did the interview go?

Well, I got a camera.

So you got the job?

They're gonna... It's on file.

Why did you buy

a ton of cameras today?

I told you, I wanted to do

a Jon and Elissa video.

I'm gonna make them

an epic wedding video...

No, you're not. No, you're not.

- I'm returning these.

- ...with the cameras.

- I'm returning them.

- Hey, no, you're not, 'cause I...

I threw out all the boxes,

and there are only receipts.

Okay, well,

I'll sell 'em on Craigslist, then.

Baby, don't do that!

What's up, everyone?

Johnny and I, we've been boys ever since

we were roommates in college.

You getting married, brother. I love you.

Sarah here with

my fantastic boyfriend, Ivan.

I can't believe

you're actually getting married.

- Have you seen my passport?

- No, I haven't.

They live eight blocks away,

but they have to get married

in Central America.

- Baby?

- Yeah?

Who's making the trip to Nicaragua?

- Fancy shirt.

- Yeah.

We're gonna have a good time

this weekend, aren't we?

Yeah, yeah.

You've got, like, yogurt.

Tammy!

- Hey! What's up, dude?

- How you doin', man?

- It's been a long time, look at you.

- Give me a hug.

It's so good to see you.

I am tearing that a*s apart

this weekend.

Okay, it's rolling. Get out here.

Yeah, baby.

- Come on.

- Is that good?

It's... Yeah.

- We're getting married.

- I know.

Get on the bed.

- Let's turn the camera off.

- No.

Seriously? You wanna make a sex tape?

Yeah, babe.

- You're...

- So cute...

Sorry.

That was really hard!

I'm a sl*t.

You're a sl*t.

You're such a big sl*t right now.

I am. Don't laugh at me.

- I am marrying a sl*t.

- You are.

You ready to meet my oldest

and best friend in the whole world?

Hell, yeah.

Oh, my God, it's incredible here.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

It's a wedding! It's a wedding!

- Oh, my God!

- What the f*ck, dude!

We are getting married!

- Are you naked?

- Come on, Linc.

- Are you naked?

- Get the f*ck out.

I'm gonna k*ll you!

- Man, it's good to see you.

- Get off!

- Dude, I've got a b*ner.

- I know. I can feel it.

I couldn't wait any longer.

You f*cking sick b*stard.

- Hi, Maggie.

- Hi.

Hi, I'm sorry about this.

I mean, we're used to it with Linc.

Wait, what flight did you get in?

We didn't fly. I drove.

Down through Texas,

crossed the border at Ciudad Jurez.

Dude, you drove to Nicaragua?

Yeah, been on the road three weeks.

I didn't have money.

I didn't have 800 bucks

to spend on a plane ticket.

- I'm not gonna miss your wedding.

- I love you, man.

Hey!

Boss!

So you and Jon have

known each other a long time, yeah?

Long time. Since our tween years, right?

But you're meeting these other guys,

like, for the first time, like me?

- Like these guys?

- There he is!

- What's up?

- Hi.

- Yeah!

- What's on?

We all know what happens

when this guy's around.

Yeah, we've ripped it before,

spring breaks, ski trips.

sh*t's gotta get weird this weekend.

I want you on lock, Linc.

Here's the key, my man.

Totally. Yeah, take my key, too, man.

Hey!

- Everybody take a shot.

- One shot for me.

- I'm getting married tomorrow.

- Yes.

You are.

Yes, Nicaragua.

The thing about this group of friends is,

we were kids together, you know?

And now you guys are the first ones

in the group to get married.

That's like a wake-up call.

We're adults now.

Look at that hot little boy.

I wanna sit on his face.

- Yup.

- Maybe.

We met on the way down

at a bar in Las Cruces.

Yeah, you got so charming

after the shot of mescal.

So are you, like, together now?

- Sort of.

- Yeah, it's a flexible situation.

Well, I'm a monogamous, so hands off.

Okay-

Look at those

pretty Bloom sisters together.

- Hi.

- Hey.

Six blessed years.

- Six years?

- We've been together for six years.

Gee, that's two years longer

than Jon and Elissa, right?

They're getting married.

Thanks for your observation, Phil.

Well, hello, tiny dancer.

- You liking it?

- Let's see. Turn around.

Hold me closer, Cal.

You look amazing.

Runner up, Miss Cuba.

Gotta love it.

- You have no bulge.

- This is perfect.

It's not a vag*na, guys.

- My man, you know what?

- It's a...

Yeah!

Poor Ivan.

- I'm gonna party!

- Oh, my God.

Honey, where's your phone?

It's in my collar pocket.

- Stupid move.

- Well, I didn't do it on purpose, Daphne.

Jon, seriously,

how did this strange person

beat me out for best man?

- Really? Really?

- You never had a chance!

I had a lunchbox in middle school

with Beavis on it.

It is a spitting image

of this guy right here.

Do it, do it.

It's really good.

Yeah, yeah, it's... Oh, yeah.

Baby, they're here, they're here!

Hey!

- Mrs. Carr. Mrs. Carr?

- Hi.

Good.

Right there.

- Mr. Bloom, it's amazing, sir!

- It's gorgeous.

It's f*cking paradise.

Let's cut the crap, you guys.

I know you're nothing but trouble.

I know your reputation.

Whenever you guys are around,

bad things happen.

I know about Nassau,

I know about the motorcycle incident,

- I know about the fire at Sugarbush.

- That wasn't our fault.

I saw the police report, Linc.

You know, Elissa's my little princess.

- She's great. Beautiful girl.

- Fell from heaven.

And this Wedding's gonna be perfect.

And I don't want you jackasses

to do anything to ruin it.

Mr. Bloom?

He got nicer.

- We're home, boys.

- What?

This is what I'm talking about.

This is crazy stuff.

- That is so...

- You know what? Stop it.

- No, no.

- Stop it.

- We are staying here.

- I know.

- Oh, my God.

- That is just not real.

Can I get a minute,

and then I'll take these upstairs?

You forgot one of the bags

down at reception.

Thanks for doing that, baby.

Guy just tried to sell me hookers.

Getting that good stuff, you know.

Here's to the end of a long career.

To my man, Seabiscuit.

There were girls in high school

that never knew his real name.

Do not say that name around Elissa.

- Give me that.

- Okay.

You really done everything

you've wanted to do?

Dude, my life now is so much better.

That's bullshit.

Did you ever bang twins, you know?

You ever f*cked in a boat?

You ever had a golden shower?

Golden shower?

Some chick peeing on you?

Hey, it's all about

having life experiences, guys.

Yeah, Jon, have you ever

seduced a vagrant?

Do not rob yourself

of life experiences, Jon.

Cal will back me up on this.

I'm sure you could find

plenty of down-on-their-luck vagrants

in this seaport town.

Let's just have a great time.

f*cking Phil.

What? Come on.

- He's sweet.

- Okay.

No, he is a m*therf*cking p*ssy.

- Let me tell you something, guys.

- I don't know how I feel about that.

- Let me tell you something.

- Okay. What?

He has been faking orgasm.

What?

- Yeah, he's been faking.

- Oh, God.

How do you even know

that he's faking it?

Because I checked.

- Your vag*na?

- No, I didn't check my vag*na.

I used a condom,

and I checked in the condom,

and there was no cream in the Twinkie.

Sounds like you're not turning him on.

Do you know

how to get him in the mood?

Yeah. I don't need help, thank you.

This is Nica, baby.

We in Nica, boys.

Let's get crazy!

Come on, this is sacred territory.

- Hello, I'm sorry.

- Come in.

- I'll see you in a bit.

- Golden shower, baby.

Give it a chance.

So, we took this ski trip to Vermont.

I was in my room

about to bang this hot-a*s waitress

that had the biggest f*cking t*tties

you've ever seen.

Ivan comes in with a f*cking camera

and ruined the whole damn thing.

Payback's a b*tch, bro.

You guys hear that shower? Right?

Classic Ivan. All through college

he'd run the shower

while he was having sex with Sarah

so nobody would hear him.

Come. Come.

Yeah.

- Oh, sh*t.

- What the phooey, bro.

What the f*ck are you doing?

- Shut the f*ck up.

- What are you doing?

Get the f*ck out of here.

Are you jacking off?

No. What? Are you crazy?

- Look, it was just...

- Guys, get out!

- Get out! Get out.

- Don't touch me.

- Go, go, go. Get the f*ck out.

- She touched me.

- Were you jacking off?

- No, I'm not even...

- You get out!

- Can you do it for camera?

- Just get the f*ck out of here.

- What were you doing?

Come on.

- f*cking two hands?

- Get out!

Did you see that?

She just rocked the door frame.

I don't know anybody

that does it two-handed.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

I'm in there all hot and wet, and hoping

maybe you'll come in after me.

- I didn't know...

- Instead you're out here

watching f*cking porn?

- It's just porn.

- Old poon. You f*cking perv.

Okay, you know what?

Let's have sex right now.

I'm not gonna have sex

with you right now.

Let's have sex... Why not?

Let's have sex...

No, I don't want

any pad of your porn d*ck.

Makes no difference.

Let's have sex right now.

No, that's disgusting. No, I don't want it.

- You just said...

- No. No.

You know what?

I will see you f*cking later.

f*ck you guys!

Man, stand and deliver.

Can I just ask something?

Why two-handed?

- Really, why?

- It's that big?

Why two... Why like...

I've never seen that. And standing up?

Let's all laugh it up.

Let's all really enjoy it.

'Cause you are in for some serious sh*t.

Phil, where are you, baby?

Are you in here?

- Hey. Baby-

- Hey.

You're wearing fancy shirt.

Looking nice.

- Looks pretty good, right?

- Yeah.

Hey.

You brought your Xbox to Nicaragua?

I was just gonna go see

if the guys wanted to

have a quick game before dinner.

Okay-

If that's cool?

Sure. Totally. That's fine with me.

Cool.

But I was going to blow you on camera.

- I was...

- Yeah, let's do that.

Never mind. You gotta go play Xbox

with your buddies so...

No, I don't, I don't.

- This is... That can wait.

- Love you, honey.

- Have fun playing Xbox.

- Daph, come on.

What's up, dudes?

- Nice ball cap, Jon.

- Thank you.

- Hey, mates.

- Yeah, man.

I like yours, too, Isaac.

My name's Ivan.

Ivan. I'm sorry.

Do you wanna play Xbox?

Phil, there are no TVs in the resort.

You look so nice!

Sewing it together.

- Yes, to the ladies.

- Yes.

They walked in on us.

Like, right at the really big pad.

The come pad.

Daphne!

That's sick.

Can we also raise a glass

to Daphne's husband,

for getting us these cameras?

- Yeah, so...

- Wait a second.

He had no business buying those.

He doesn't have a job.

Okay, well, at least he married you

instead of jacking off

while you were in the shower.

- I'm fine with that.

- It's okay, S.

- Yeah.

- I like that idea.

So, I just wanna say that I've known,

you know, Elissa a longtime.

She's my sister-in-law. Beautiful girl.

I actually was fortunate enough

to see her boobs.

- One time. On, like, a trip.

- What do you mean?

We went to the lake

and I saw her changing.

Might have...

I took a picture with my phone.

- And I...

- Don't say this, man. Don't say...

- I jerk off to your wife.

- Don't say that.

Still. I still do this.

Everyone, can I

have your attention, please?

We couldn't get married

without you guys, and...

We're in Nicaragua,

which I don't know if all of you know,

but Jon and I have been here before,

and it's where we fell in love.

Lissy, you're my younger sister,

but in a lot of ways,

I look up to Lissy as my older sister.

We all knew that the reason the boys

downstairs wanted to be friends with us

was because we were friends with her.

Jon, I... You grew on me, buddy.

I grew up with three sisters.

And growing up

I always wanted a brother

to run around and get into trouble with.

You've always been

very supportive of me

and really nice to me,

and it's, you know...

You didn't have to be that nice to me.

There's no denying this guy's

an incredibly handsome man, right?

I mean, just look

at those little baby blues.

The ladies, they've always loved him.

Seabiscuit.

All right, all right, come on.

And then he met you.

And being around a good, grounded girl

really did something to him.

I mean, seriously, it changed him.

You are so much better because of her.

Last year, when Ivan got bedbugs

and then came over to my place,

and promptly gave my apartment

bedbugs as well,

they were generous enough to have me

on their couch for about two weeks.

And every morning

Jon would make coffee,

which seemed like a simple thing,

and then we would all get up

and have breakfast together.

And it wasn't until the third or fourth day

that I realized

that Jon doesn't drink coffee.

Elissa does.

But every morning, Jon makes coffee

for Elissa because he loves her.

- Ready to hit the town, baby.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

I just wanna...

There you go. I got this.

Anybody want a Vicodin?

Yeah.

- All right. Upstairs, upstairs.

- Yeah.

Can we get shots of tequila?

For you, Phil. My man.

One shot here for my good buddy Isaac.

Come on, dude.

Yeah, leave him alone.

All right, guys, come on, let's do this.

Yeah, cheers.

Okay, Phil, no more shots, babe.

You can't handle it.

No more.

Phil's pad of the g*ng now, all right?

We always do two shots of tequila

before we get the night started.

It's our tradition.

Come on, Phil.

Yeah, I'm good. Man, I'm good.

Cheers.

Come on, yeah!

No!

Yeah!

That's the guy from the resort, right?

Should go say hi, man.

Can you tell me what he's saying?

Okay, I'm not repeating that.

Damn, I'm so tapping that a*s tonight.

Really? 'Cause I think she's vibing me.

Dude, I can tell you right now,

she is not vibing you.

Tammy and I have had this whole thing

brewing since college, bro.

Yeah? You've been trying since college,

and you never hit that?

This girl's not

your typical piece of a*s, bro.

She's f*cking mysterious. Look at her.

The whole time we've known her,

she's never hooked up

with anyone we knew.

I know.

We thought she was into the ladies.

Yeah, 'cause she has shod hair,

like a boy?

Like a hot boy?

- Let me show you how it's done, bro.

- All right.

You still haven't sent in

your med school applications?

First off, I gotta get my MCATs up.

And then I wanna concentrate on

getting some more enrichment credits

from the University of Phoenix online.

Dude, I fell like that's holding up

your entire life.

What about Sarah?

You gonna finally pull the trigger?

That's a big question, my man.

That's running around in here.

You gotta figure it out, you know.

She's a great girl,

she's not gonna hang around.

How'd you know

that Elissa was the right one?

You know, did it come to you

in a dream?

Did you have a vision quest?

No, I don't know. I just...

I asked myself whether I could

imagine my life without her, you know?

And the answer was clear.

That makes sense.

What do you think

my answer to that question would be?

Dude, how the f*ck should I know?

- I'm sorry!

- Honestly, come on!

- I need your help, man.

- You're f*cking hopeless.

Yes, I am.

Looks like

Tammy left her phone behind.

- Ivan...

- What's up?

Tammy left her phone behind.

Watch your step.

Hey.

"What's up hottay?"

How about a sensual massage?

I want you face down.

Lights off.

And bare-assed.

Oh, my God. He's so excited.

Yes. Yes.

He's going. He's on his way.

HE'S going?

All right. All right.

All right, let's go.

- Look at him go.

- Go my friend.

Go to your date with destiny.

Come on, boy.

This is incredible.

You want to bust in on me, as*h*le?

Give him two minutes,

then we'll round everybody up

and follow him back.

Make sure

you keep sh**ting. Everything.

What's going on?

It is time for you

to unlock your inner mad man, Linc.

I gave you the key, man.

Guys, just don't break anything.

I can promise you,

that we will not ruin your wedding, Jon.

But things are going to get

very, very rough for Cal right now.

- You ready?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, baby.

It's dark, just like you said.

I wanna feel those soft hands.

No oil?

Dirty girl.

God, you feel amazing.

f*ck.

Yeah, I want that f*cking tongue

all over me,

you sexy little b*tch.

God, I'm so f*cking huge right now.

Oh, my God.

sh*t. He's going to f*ck him in the a*s?

What's he doing?

All right, you know what?

Just go slow, okay?

He's hosing him down.

No, no. Hold on. That's way too much.

Linc!

What the f*ck? f*ck!

- I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

- Why?

- I'm so sorry.

- What do you have to gain from that?

f*ck!

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. It was Ivan's idea.

You are still pissing right now.

I can't stop.

Come here, give me a hug.

It's just a joke. Come on.

It was hilarious.

Ivan, that m*therf*cker is going down.

What's the plan, man?

Linc, get the f*ck out of here!

Dude, it was Ivan's idea.

Yeah, but you did it.

Bro, you pissed on me!

Who the f*ck does that?

Cal, do you know

where your linen closet is?

Phil.

Look what I got.

Ivan.

Holy sh*t.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

I would like to say something.

Quickly, if everyone could...

Could listen for a second.

To my girlfriend, my beautiful girlfriend

of six wonderful years.

I want to marry you

more than anything I've ever wanted

in my entire life.

- We haven't talked about this.

- I'm so sorry.

I have not thanked you

every single second of every single day

for how you change my life.

I have taken you for granted.

Marry me.

I love you so much.

- Yes.

- Yeah?

Like, yes? Really yes, though.

- Yes.

- Absolutely?

Yes.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Cal, come and show us.

Hey!

You were doing shots,

you were doing shots.

- No. No.

- Yes.

Yeah. Okay.

- Guys, is my wife beautiful?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Very beautiful.

Okay. No. All right. No.

You need water, he needs water.

No, I need tattoos?

Yeah!

I must get tattoos.

Jon, in college, I was, like, this close

to getting a huge cobra tattoo

on my chest.

It would have looked so f*cking stupid.

It would look pretty f*cking Phil, right?

Yeah!

- Hey.

- Hey, what's up?

- How are you?

- Good. How are you?

- I'm good.

- You?

You're having fun?

I'm having so much fun. You're so great.

- Thank you.

- I love you.

- I love you.

- I love you.

- I love you.

- I can't wait

- until we're brother and sister.

- Me, too.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What the f*ck, Phil!

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, my God.

Okay, no, Phil...

Stupid!

- I'm sorry.

- Okay.

- That's all right.

- Phil.

I can feel it. It's,

like, pooling in my bra.

Okay, I think I need to go to bed.

You are going to go, too, right?

I'm going to go to bed really soon, okay?

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

Okay, I'm just going to go

wash my boobs.

- Okay.

- Elissa.

Don't leave without saying goodbye.

It's so gross.

- I'm so happy for you guys.

- Thank you.

I'm so happy. I mean, you did it.

You tamed him.

You tamed the Seabiscuit.

- Wait, what is Seabiscuit?

- Oh, my God! You don't know.

Seabiscuit, Jon's nick name

in high school.

What does it mean?

It's like, the horse, like he's a stallion.

A guy loses his virginity at age 13.

He deserves a nickname.

- Thirteen, really?

- Thirteen.

I'm serious. It's incredible, right?

And I feel like it's a good thing,

'cause he started so young

and he f*cked so much,

he got it all out of his system.

And then he met you.

And, like, everything

in the world changed.

You get some sleep, okay?

Jon-Jon.

Come on, man.

We're back together one last time.

It's a dream team. You owe us it.

- Okay, one shot.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

What's up, dude?

Jon! God, you're...

How handsome are you?

Whoops.

Look, you're ready

to get married, right now?

I think I'm gonna go down

into the village

and try to see if I can find

like a medicine man

or a shaman or something.

Come back up here and see

if we can just make things official.

You f*cking idiot.

She loves me.

She loves me.

It's beautiful.

I don't believe you, but thank you.

So, how long do you think

he's been planning to ask you?

I don't know. I'm just in shock.

You know?

I just, like, stared at him all night,

I couldn't even sleep.

Jon-Jon, wake up.

Jenny BOY -.

- good morning, sunshine.

- Let's go, Johnny boy. Big day.

Johnny boy.

- You're okay?

- You're okay.

sh*t.

- Get up my man.

- Man.

This is gonna be a great wedding.

And look who it is.

Girl, come here.

Good morning.

Beautiful bride, yeah!

What the f*ck?

Phil?

Stop it.

Come here, Phil.

Wake up.

Jeez, man.

This is the worst day of my life.

Jon, get up!

Dude, come on.

- What's that man?

- Hello.

Yo, what is that? Is that a scrape?

It's probably just a scratch

or something.

Stop staring at my d*ck.

That's a bite mark.

It's not a bite mark.

Listen Jon, I know a bite mark

when I see it. Okay?

I've studied this sh*t.

They are tooth marks,

there is no doubt about that.

All right?

You had a human mouth on your p*nis.

You had a blow job last night.

sh*t.

You think Elissa did it?

I was in the casita all night.

Elissa never left.

Really?

Holy sh*t.

- I slept very well.

- Yes, you did.

- I'm getting married today.

- You are.

I feel amazing.

- You look beautiful.

- This place is magical.

- Seriously.

- Who sucked your d*ck?

I don't know. I can't remember.

I could never do that to my fiance.

- Shut the f*ck up.

- What?

- as*h*le.

- Just saying, it's a sacred commitment.

Man.

Look who just arrived.

Yeah, man.

You got drunk

and slept in that bathroom.

Who does that, man?

- Phil does, baby.

- You do.

Jon, you got a blow job?

This is nuts, you guys.

- All right, I'm out of here.

- Pally down, Phil.

- I got to go.

- Yeah.

See the old ball and chain.

Get ready for the wedding.

- Phil. Phil. Phil?

- What's up, man?

You know you can't tell Daphne

about this, right?

Dude, you can count on me, man.

I'm going to be your brother-in-law.

It's going in the Bank of Phil,

filed under "B" for bros.

I feel like I'm dreaming. I don't know.

Ivan just posted something

to our video blog.

I bet it's like a little wedding message

from the boys.

Johnny boy. Good morning, sunshine.

Hey, wake up, it's your wedding day.

Is he puking?

Let's turn that off.

Wake up!

This is the worst day of my life.

Wait, what happened? Turn it back on.

It says "file not found."

Worst day of his life?

Did you hear that?

What kind of night did he have? What...

It's... I'm sure it's fine.

- Yeah, it's fine.

- It's fine.

It's no big deal.

They were just drinking a little.

I'm an idiot.

I uploaded it by mistake.

- I don't need this, buddy. Okay?

- Don't worry, I deleted it.

Let me just get this.

Rice thing worked.

Speak of the she-devil.

Hey, Daph-Daph.

- Hello, what are you doing?

- Just hanging with the dudes.

- Nothing. Nothing is wrong or anything.

- Put it down.

- Babe, I'm not hiding anything.

- Put it down, mate.

- Babe, what do you think I'm hiding?

- Shut up.

- Phil.

- Nothing bad happened last night.

Hey. Daphne?

Phil's a little embarrassed about his...

His shirt got ruined last night.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, fancy shirt.

- What?

- He completely destroyed.

So, we have a lot of getting ready to do,

we'll see you at the ceremony.

- Is it ruined?

- Yeah.

It's just some stains.

Just have to run it to the drycleaners.

Fancy shirt will be fine.

There's a big stain

right on the back. Yeah.

Right... What?

- There.

- What the heck, man?

What the heck?

Now, she thinks that's what

you're lying about, man.

Look what you did to fancy shirt!

Are you okay, Daphne?

I just... I really loved fancy shirt.

He has changed a lot

in the last few years.

But the second he gets with those guys,

it's like...

I mean, he just needed to meet you.

- This good girl.

- Sarah, no.

I'm not always a good girl.

Why did he and his friends

get to have all the fun?

I mean, no one even asked me.

I would have stayed out.

I would have gotten so smashed.

I mean, I didn't even let you guys

throw me a bachelorette party.

Now I'm getting married.

So, let's do it.

Let's have a bachelorette party,

right now.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- That's exactly what we are going to do.

I'm getting married in five hours.

We can't let those jackasses

have all the fun.

Yeah, let's have some fun.

I got some fruit salad back in my casita-.

Yeah, or alcohol.

I have an idea.

I mean, what if she finds out?

How could she ever find out, man?

- I don't know.

- Stop worrying.

We are fine. Let's go put on suits.

Phil?

What's up, man?

Phil, what are you doing?

What's going on?

You were being really funny last night.

You were drunk, it was like great,

classic wedding material kind of stuff.

It was...

I thought it would be good

to get hidden camera stuff, so I...

I set up a camera right here.

- You left it running?

- Holy sh*t.

What the f*ck is wrong with you.

I'm going to talk to security.

'Cause that's... That's theft.

Are you kidding me? For real?

So, some girl blew me,

swiped Phil's camera,

and now she is gonna

show it to everyone.

I'm f*cked.

We've been filming this?

All of this? Turn it off.

Ivan, turn it off! Okay?

- Let's not be hasty, though, Jon.

- Jesus!

Delete everything

from this morning, please.

I don't like hearing that, though,

because this is some good back...

You might want this later.

That's all I'm...

- That's all I'm saying.

- Will I?

- Really? Will I want this later?

- Shut the f*ck up.

- No, I don't think so. Sit down.

- Shut the f*ck off.

- Turn it off.

- Turn off the camera.

Ripped Phil's shirt.

- I got final cut, man.

- Shut this thing off.

For room... What room are we?

Hey, come up in four right now.

You have basically handed over

your entire relationship to this girl.

Do you understand that?

She's driving the whole thing.

You're just in the back seat

riding like a little b*tch.

Phil, you don't want to be a little b*tch.

Do you?

No, I don't want to be a little b*tch.

You're a whipped man, Phil.

Okay, so what do I do?

Okay, what's something

that she hates about herself?

She thinks her arms are too fat.

Okay. Next time

she starts giving you sh*t,

you're gonna look at her in the face

and you are going to say,

"Hey, you've put on some weight."

And Phil the man,

he doesn't like that sh*t.

You just want me to

start a fight with her?

Exactly.

See, this way,

if you start fighting with her,

she'll forget the fact that you were lying.

Then we're just, like,

yelling at each other.

Come on dude, toughen up.

You need to seriously get it together.

I do have it together, man. But she...

Look at yourself in the mirror.

Let's have some fruit salad.

Now don't be shy.

- Don't be shy.

- Guys, you got me shots?

It's getting crazy in the house.

Just you wait.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What's happening?

Oh, my God.

- Are you serious?

- Yes.

You said you wanted

a bachelorette party!

Wait, isn't he the busboy?

Not today, he's not.

Yeah!

Yes!

Yeah.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Oh, my God!

I came.

I came everywhere.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Give me your excited strut.

- That's horrible.

- I'm just excited, guys.

- To Johnny.

- To Jon, boy.

Jon-o-lis. Yeah!

You guys can have my leftovers tonight.

- Thank you, thank you.

- How about that?

I have to work so hard,

this guy gets it all.

- Yeah.

- Go, go, go.

Johnny boy.

What if this girl already

showed somebody the video?

That's not an option,

we would have found out by now.

I just think I should probably

tell Elissa before she sees it.

- No.

- I think that's the only move, Jon.

I can never keep something like that

from my fiancee.

What the f*ck are you saying? Shut up.

- It was a fake engagement ring, dude.

- Guys, guys.

Guys, guys, guys, this was our bad.

We're gonna make it right, okay?

We're gonna find out who did it.

We're gonna keep it under wraps.

- Yeah.

- We're gonna muzzle this d*ck-sucker.

Come on.

Hey, guys, last night got crazy, right?

Did it get crazy for you?

'Cause it got crazy for me.

It was like I couldn't even control myself.

You... Did you get like that?

Some beautiful women like yourselves,

you just went to bed early?

I'm not buying that sh*t.

Hi. Love your dress.

Do you mind if I look at your teeth?

Gorgeous teeth.

- Well, thank you.

- Can I see them for a sec?

Can I just look at your g*dd*mn teeth

for a second?

- All right.

- I think I hooked up with someone.

I don't even remember.

Did you hook up with anybody?

You didn't spend time

on your knees last night?

Could I offer you a taste of

one of the most beautiful fruits on earth,

found here in Nicaragua?

It's juicy this time of year.

Okay-

All right, open.

Open. Open up there.

Okay, thank you.

Dude, what the hell was that?

This is Cheryl's bite mark.

And this is Jon's p*nis.

Dude, come on!

- It's a cool d*ck.

- Yeah.

As you can see,

the spread just does not match.

Cheryl has been vindicated

by the evidence.

- What about Linc's girl?

- No, she was with me all night.

You told me you were blacked out.

- Come on.

- Guys.

Quick question for you.

Have you tried

the tropical fruit down here?

- It is divine.

- Knock it off, dude.

- I need her bite mark, g*dd*mn it.

- What is going on?

It's kind of a long story.

We think someone might have

blown Jon last night.

Do you know something?

No, nothing.

Maggie.

Did you just see her face?

It's totally her.

It's not her, okay?

I know her, she's not like that.

You told me that she fellated you

10 minutes after you met her.

- It's different.

- Yeah.

We had an emotional connection.

- Hey, you guys.

- Dude, get down. Jon's coming.

I'm freaking out.

I'm about to get married, okay.

I can't hide this from her.

I have to tell her.

No, no, no, dude, dude, dude.

Dude, listen to me.

I know you want to

do the right thing here,

but you tell her right now,

you're just gonna ruin her wedding.

Seriously, it's the most selfish thing

you can do.

f*ck.

I'm such an as*h*le.

That's a surprising bit of wisdom

from a man who 12 hours ago

urinated in Cal's mouth.

Shut the f*ck up.

I'm just saying, I don't think people

take an option of fish

at a wedding, seriously.

If you allow me to take the reins on this,

I'm thinking two meats...

Baby.

Think two meats,

maybe a vegetable medley.

How's fancy shirt?

Ruined.

It's totally ruined. I ruined it.

Awesome.

This is a mistake.

What is, the wedding?

Yeah, the wedding.

She's making a mistake.

Jon's a great guy.

He didn't look great when

he was puking this morning, saying that,

- "This is the worst day of his life".

- How do you know about that?

Because one of you morons posted it

on some video blog or something.

- And you saw it?

- Yeah, we saw it, Phil.

We all saw it.

- Phil, what the f*ck? Christ.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You guys look really nice.

I think the video is online

from this morning.

She said they saw it.

Daphne said they saw it.

- It's, like, him puking and stuff.

- How much did she see?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Elissa is standing up there right now.

I don't think she would be up there

if she saw that whole video.

- Hey, remember what we talked about.

- Hey, I'm sorry.

- Jesus, keep your f*cking mouth shut.

- Sorry.

What was that about?

Nothing.

I know you're lying to me.

Yeah, I know you're lying to me.

Such a f*cking bad liar,

I know you're lying to me.

No.

- What's going on? What's going on?

- Nothing, Daphne.

- Honey, what the f*ck is going on, Phil?

- Nothing, Daphne.

- What the f*ck is going on?

- You're being a c**t!

You've been a c**t.

You're being a c**t!

Everybody thinks you're a c**t.

You're being a c**t right now!

- We're screwed.

- She's gonna find out.

We gotta do something,

she's gonna find out.

She already broke him.

Daph, I'm sorry.

Yes, yes. Gracias.

This will knock her right on her a*s.

- I'm sorry.

- Guys, don't wanna get dehydrated.

Just ignore me, guys. Just gonna...

- What's going on?

- Nothing.

- I know you're lying to me.

- Just leave me alone.

- I know something...

- Stop being a c**t.

If you don't tell me,

I'm gonna f*cking divorce you,

I swear to God.

Jon got a blow job last night.

f*ck.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Get over there and tell her something.

- Okay.

- Go.

sh*t.

You can't say anything to anyone.

Don't say anything, I'll talk to him.

Friends and family.

We are here today

to celebrate the union

of Jon and Elissa in marriage.

We will begin the ceremony

with a reading

from the bride's older sister, Daphne.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God!

Daph...

Watch her head. Watch her head.

Is she all right?

- Is she all right?

- Oh, God.

- She's gonna be okay.

- All right.

I got her. I got her.

I've seen this a thousand times,

she's gonna be fine.

Dehydration, mild hypovolemia, guys.

That's it.

Phil, two to three quarts of liquids,

pump some electrolytes in there.

She's gonna be dancing in no time

with everybody else.

Come on, enjoy this.

Oh, God.

Jon and Elissa will now

read each other their vows.

I, Jonathan Peter Carr,

take you, Elissa Gabrielle Bloom,

to be my wife.

To have and to hold

from this day forward...

Sorry.

Until death do us pad.

I, Elissa Gabrielle Bloom...

Watch the step.

I can't believe

you guys drugged my wife.

Well, you told your wife a secret, Phil.

f*cking moron.

Why are you filming this, Linc?

You said, "Film everything."

Turn it off!

- Not gonna happen.

- Come on, come on, come on.

Let's go. Let's put her down, Phil.

- Come on.

- Sorry, baby.

- Let's go.

- She's gonna be fine.

I gave her a pill. Wears off in an hour.

What're you doing?

What do you mean, "What am I doing".

I'm locking her in there.

Why are you locking her

in the bathroom?

You know why I'm locking her in there?

'Cause this sh*t was supposed to be

in the Bank of Phil.

So think about that.

- It was in the Banco de Phil.

- It was in the Banco de Phil?

What, did some f*cking bandits

come in?

Come on.

I have to talk to you.

- What?

- f*ck, f*ck.

Last night was really crazy

and I got really drunk and...

Jon, I know.

What do you mean?

I mean, I saw the video.

You saw the video?

No, the video?

Yeah.

f*ck.

It's okay.

It wasn't that bad.

I don't want to look back

at our wedding weekend

and always remember

how you got wasted, and you know...

You serious?

I don't know, because

it didn't seem that important.

Really?

That's how I feel.

- That's how I feel.

- I love you.

- I love you. I love you so much.

- I love you so much.

God, thank you.

- Thank you, you're the best.

- I am so happy.

- We just got married!

- We're married.

We're, like, freaking married. It's...

I love you.

Okay, I am gonna go and get wasted.

Okay, whatever you say.

- Not you though.

- Okay.

You have to watch me inside.

I will. I will.

- Love you.

- All right, that's it.

- Cal?

- Everything good?

Yeah, everything's fine,

we took care of it.

Dude, she knows about the blow job

and she doesn't care.

- What?

- She said it's okay.

I know, I just married the coolest

f*cking woman in the universe.

- Wait, are you f*cking serious?

- Yeah.

Round of blow jobs, please.

Wish you all the happiness

and the best,

'cause now you're on your own.

Okay-

Hear, hear.

Mr. and Mrs. Bloom, everybody.

And it was senior year,

senior in high school,

my parents had just gone through

a very long overdue divorce.

I was supposed to move to Connecticut

and leave the home that I grew up in,

and the friends that I made and Jon.

And I think

it really made us both really sad.

And I remember, Jon came over

and we were packing up

everything that I grew up with,

all my possessions,

and instead of packing the boxes

into the moving van,

Jon packed 'em

into the back of his truck.

And we drove to his house,

where I lived for the next six months

and got to finish high school.

And I don't even think

he told his parents.

I think you guys were as surprised

as anyone

when I showed up at your door.

But you welcomed me

and for that I am so thankful.

And now, as we welcome you guys

into your new family,

I just hope that

I'm lucky enough to participate.

'Cause I wanna be crazy Uncle Linc.

But not in a creepy way.

She's saying you had sex

with her husband last night.

No, I didn't, that's ridiculous.

She said she saw you guys last night,

that her husband got home

at 6:00 in the morning, smelling like sex.

Okay, okay, I f*cked him.

Okay? But I didn't know he was married.

- Wait, you f*cked him?

- Holy sh*t.

He's saying that

you forced yourself upon him.

That's bullshit, he begged me for it.

Also, he said he was single

and his wife is dead.

I'm not doing this right now.

Just take this outside, okay?

Okay, enough.

Okay, okay.

I don't know what you people think...

Oh, my God!

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

Oh, my God. I am so...

I didn't mean to do that.

I didn't think that was gonna happen.

Cal...

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

- Is she okay?

- Yeah, she's fine.

I saw her having shots

with Elissa's mom.

I can't believe that just happened

in front of everyone.

I can't believe I just punched

that poor woman in the face.

Thank you for having my back.

I honestly thought

she might have hurt you.

- I mean, she looked fierce.

- Fierce?

sh*t. I wasn't here, okay?

Have you seen Linc?

- No.

- I'm gonna k*ll that guy.

Linc?

Hey.

It's Phil.

Just wanted to talk.

Ivan's a jerk, okay! Ivan's a jerkwad,

number one.

Jon, you know, he f*cked up.

Why is it my fault?

I didn't suck his d*ck, man.

I'm just gonna check on her real quick,

just to make sure she's okay.

Thank God.

I'm so sorry.

- Hi.

- Where am I?

You're in the bathroom.

Just...

Just stay there, though.

Please!

- Open the door, Phil!

- Daph...

Really, you f*cked that guy?

Here we go.

Baby, I'm just saying,

how could you possibly f*ck that guy

when you got this

standing right in front of you?

Cal, every time we're together,

I can pretty much guarantee

you're gonna try to make this happen.

It's 'cause we got

some crazy chemistry going.

I know you feel that, right?

Come on, this is like animal magnetism

that happens every...

Okay, okay, fine.

Fine, like, you'll think about it?

Fine, like, you've worn me down,

so let's do this.

My casita, 10 minutes.

All right, it needs to go behind.

- You think I was f*cking born yesterday?

- What are you talking about?

Tammy just told me

to go up to her casita.

She wants to f*ck.

Really?

Well, then you should go up

to her casita and f*ck her.

- That's awesome.

- Ivan, I'm not f*cking with you right now.

- This is not a joke.

- We don't do stuff like this anymore.

I'm a married man, dude,

I mean, that's in the past.

- f*ck.

- We're couple of dudes.

What the f*ck am I thinking?

Of course, she wants to f*ck me.

- f*cking tap that a*s.

- Congratulations.

Nicaragua, baby!

It's amazing to me that he's gonna go

have sex with Tammy.

Also, it's crazy that I am getting married

after you guys

put a f*cking ring

in my girlfriend's sundae

without me even knowing about it.

What?

What did you just say?

- No, no.

- It was a prank?

- No, it wasn't a prank.

- It was a f*cking prank.

- No, it started...

- What the f*ck is wrong with you?

It started off as a prank, Sarah. But it...

Are you f*cking kidding me, Ivan?

- I'm not kidding you anything.

- Stop the bullshit.

Stop your f*cking bullshit.

You f*cking got engaged to me

on a prank.

People can't be pushed to do something

they don't really wanna do.

What's wrong with you? Shut up, Ivan.

Shut the f*ck up.

And I thought

for once in your f*cking life,

that you were making a decision

based on something that was real.

But instead, you were just going along

with whatever the f*ck

was in front of you,

like you always do.

You're a f*cking shitty, stupid,

f*cking coward.

And you're not funny,

you have terrible jokes!

And I can't get this f*cking ring off!

And I don't want to be

with you anymore, okay?

You cannot end this.

- I don't wanna be with you anymore.

- I don't want this to end.

And when I see you again,

don't f*cking talk to me.

This is yours, you keep it.

Why would I have this?

I found a camera, too, Phil!

And I am here to tell everyone out there

that my husband locked me

in the bathroom like a psycho.

Well, I'm gonna tell everyone

that you were gonna ruin the wedding.

- No...

- So, I didn't really have a choice.

Phil, let me out of here,

or I swear to God...

You listen to me, okay?

Jon's a nice guy.

And he got a blow job on accident,

that happens.

He cannot get erect by accident,

it's called cheating.

It's called a mistake, you banshee

of a woman! She's a banshee.

g*dd*mn it, Phil,

you're being a f*ck face!

You're the f*ck face,

if you think about it!

Now, open it!

- Baby!

- What?

You're gonna break my rig

that I have out here.

I know you've been faking it, Phil.

- What?

- Your orgasms?

Yeah, I know you've been faking it.

What kind of husband does that?

He fakes an orgasm.

He can't even f*ck his own wife.

You're a f*cking p*ssy, Phil. You're...

Don't call me a p*ssy.

Don't talk to me like that.

I'm a man, okay? I'm a real man.

I've got p*nis.

I've got testicles, all right?

Get on the bed!

Get on the bed.

Get up.

- Is this what you want?

- Yeah.

- You want Phil?

- Yeah.

- You want Phil?

- Phil...

I'm holding you, stay down there.

- You feel that passion?

- Yeah.

You feel the heat?

What's up, sports fans?

As ya'll can tell,

I'm a little tied up right now.

But guess who's on top of me?

So you really wanna know

what it's like to f*ck Tammy?

Are you kidding me, baby?

I've wanted to f*ck you since college.

Did I say you could

put your mouth on me?

That's not okay. Did I say that?

You little... You little

dirty little b*tch.

You like it rough.

Is that too rough?

g*dd*mn!

Shut up.

Stay down.

Linc, dude, what the f*ck?

sh*t, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey, bro!

Looks like the best man won, right?

Wait, Linc!

Get back in here!

Is this the surprise?

- You got it, baby.

- What surprise?

You'll see.

No, no, no.

No, Linc, you are not watching, dude.

Sorry, bro, I'm not into that sh*t.

He's not watching.

Hell, yes!

Wait.

- Get over here, baby.

- Wait, wait, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, dude, come on.

Hey, put your pants back on.

What the f*ck is going on right now?

Linc.

- You're such a cool dude.

- Oh, my God.

I think you're such a cool dude.

Oh, my God.

Dude, stop looking at me.

- Bros!

- No, we're not bros.

- We're bros!

- We're not bros.

- You're f*cking bros!

- We're f*cking bros!

You like it? You like it?

- Stop touching me.

- I'm close, I'm close.

Yeah!

- It's so pretty.

- These candles are amazing.

- We're married.

- Really?

We're married.

I'm making a movie.

- I'm excited.

- Yeah?

Oh, my God.

Get on the bed.

Come here. I've a surprise for you, baby.

- You have a surprise?

- Yeah.

What is this?

sh*t. I forgot.

What is that?

Are you okay?

It's a...

It's a bite mark.

A bite mark?

Why is there a bite mark on your d*ck?

I'm really sorry.

Oh, my God.

You just thought

that you could just get away with that?

Get out of here.

I know that was unexpected

but it was also beautiful.

And I'm just gonna say it.

That was pretty intimate, man.

Linc.

Why are you so upset?

You said you wanted to

bang Tammy for years.

Not like that, bro.

What happened to

new experiences, bro?

You know, there was a moment

when we were both thrusting,

I felt your tip, man.

We touched tips.

- Hey, baby, we're rolling.

- Yeah?

We missed the wedding.

I don't really care.

I don't care either.

I know you don't care.

It's Nicaragua, sf?

Please tell me

your wedding is gonna be this nuts.

There is no wedding.

Phil, we're not getting married.

I f*cked it up. It's done.

What? Get it together, maybe.

Take a page out of the book of Phil.

If you know what's good for you.

Stand up straight,

fasten your big-boy pants,

you go over there and you get her back.

- Tam-Tam, what's going on, girl?

- Not much.

How you doin'? Where is everyone?

Where's Jon?

I don't know. I just spent the last hour

looking for Elissa.

After last night, they could be anywhere.

What does that mean?

Ivan, I can't do this right now.

I don't want to have this conversation.

I just wanna get home.

- Sarah.

- Just go.

When I watched you look down and see

that fake two-dollar ring in that sundae,

something happened to me.

I wanna believe you so bad.

See, that's what I'm saying to you.

It was all real. All of it.

I love you. I wanna marry you, Sarah.

Wait, wait, wait, I'm so sorry.

How could you get that drunk?

I don't know. I don't know. I...

I was with those guys again and...

I don't know.

Look, I made a terrible mistake.

But it's not me anymore, okay?

It's not me.

That's who I used to be

before I met you.

Before I tamed you, right.

The crazy guy. The Seabiscuit.

He meets a sweet, great,

down-to-earth girl

who just changes him into a better man.

Wait, baby, baby, wait.

You didn't change me.

I changed myself

because I fell in love with you.

I wanted to be a better person.

You made me so happy

that I wanted to change.

I'm sorry. I need you.

I can't be myself without you.

This is so beautiful.

That was breathtaking, to witness that.

Jon just ran down there and...

Laid it all on the line, you know,

and Lissy had some things to say.

They worked it out.

They're gonna be fine.

Everybody's gonna be happy.

I'm really happy and they're having sex.

I should probably leave them to the...

Lovemaking.

Yeah, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

Phil, where were you?

We're good.

They're having sex on the beach.

- Really?

- And it's gonna be hot

- 'cause I've taped it.

- Okay.

Phil, that's not appropriate.

Babe, not for the main cut, okay.

But maybe like an unrated,

kind of like, you know, version.

Well, I know another good scene

for the unrated version.

You should ask Cal about it.

Because you guys...

Cal!

Cal! Cal, Cal.

Tell me some stories. What's goin' on?

What happened? How was your night?

I've got no stories.

Bullroar.

Come on, lay it on me. You're Cal.

What I...

I heard there was some sex with Tam?

Phil, I don't wanna talk about it.

You okay?

Cal?

Did you get r*ped?

I tell you what. We get back to LA,

we can have another threesome.

And this time we can have

a really hot girl.

- Tammy, stop playing games.

- No, I swear to God.

That'd be nice.

- Hey, you two. Everything cool?

- We're okay.

- So?

- We're fine.

Don't do that anymore.

- Don't do that.

- Yeah.

Don't do... No fighting.

- Thank you.

- All right.

Did you just get laid?

Girl, yeah!

So, who actually did it? Who blew Jon?

Nobody knows. I mean...

Guess what happens in Nicaragua

stays in Nicaragua.

That's Las Vegas, though.

But we can't use that in the movie.

That's copyrighted.

Yes.

- Bye.

- Bye, I love you, man.

- Okay, guys, come on.

- I don't wanna say goodbye to you.

Bye!

That's a cut.

That's a...

- Wrap.

- It's a wrap.

- What's up, guys? Come on in.

- How are you, Phil?

- Okay, guys, I'm gonna be right back.

- All right.

Oh, my God.

Are these the "save the dates"?

These are amazing.

This is incredible.

We're doing it, guys.

Life is pretty good right now.

- That's not funny.

- I'm just sayin', dude.

- My tip misses your tip.

- Linc.

Guys, a week ago

I got a little package in the mail

from Nicaragua.

I think it's the BJ tape.

Oh, my God.

I haven't even watched it yet.

I was saving it for you guys.

I just made us some popcorn.

Daph's not here.

- Yes, do it!

- Let's do it.

Thank you.

And if you don't mind,

grabbing some reactions

while we watch it.

I think that'd be pretty.

You want us to film each other

while we watch this video?

Yeah, man, outtakes. It'll be hilarious.

- You all know it was Linc's chick?

- No, it wasn't.

She was just a girl I met in Mexico.

Come on, that woman

has shark teeth in her mouth.

Guys, Linc, come on.

- There we are.

- Guys...

Maggie and her sleeping prey.

- She's gonna do it.

- Open wide, Mag, and go fast.

You know you're going to.

It's a goat.

Oh, my God. What's that goat doing?

Come on, goat, do it.

I buy it. Goats are docile creatures.

- Maggie's makin' a comeback here.

- Bullshit.

That's goat's gonna suck that d*ck.

Suck that d*ck, goat.

Yeah, suck that d*ck, goat.

- Wait, what happened?

- What?

What is that?

I think someone's blocking the camera.

- Who is that?

- I don't know.

Who are you?

That's the woman

you punched in the face.

- What? You punched that hefty gal?

- Yeah.

- She's gonna do it, man.

- No way. It was Linc's chick.

No, no, watch, watch, watch.

Big fun's coming.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, my...

- Got it.

- Oh, my God.

- Open that big mouth!

- Oh, my God.

Phil.

Wait, is that Daphne?

- What?

- Wait, what?

I can't keep doing this, Phil.

What's she doing in Jon's room?

I need a man that can get hard.

No, I mean, we fixed that.

This whole information.

I can make people come.

God, what is wrong with her?

She's tripping ba*ls.

I did give her the Mexican Ambien

for her night terrors.

I bet Jon can come.

I bet I can make Jon come.

- What?

- God, please don't blow him.

No, no, no.

Holy sh*t.

f*ck. What the f*ck?

- That's coming out.

- I don't feel good.

Phil, bro,

that wasn't even a blow job, man.

Seriously, she just bit him.

That was the exact medical procedure

that you would follow

if Jon had gotten a snake bite

on his p*nis.

- You okay, Phil?

- Hey, guys.

- Daphne.

- Phil showed you the wedding video?

- Yes, he did.

- My gosh. It's so good, right?

- Tour de force.

- Yeah.

It's so outrageous.

I can't believe

some of the things you did.

It was wild.

- It got a little out of control.

- Yeah.

You guys should be

a little embarrassed.

- Yeah.

- It was humiliating, man.

Baby, you okay?

You're not talking a lot.

- Why don't we take off?

- Yeah.

- Hey, enjoy your night.

- Here you go.

- Holy sh*t.

- That was f*cked up.

Let's go, let's go. Come on.

Guys...

Everything cool, babe?

- What's he gonna do?

- I don't know. Look at him.

- Jesus Christ.

- He looks f*cking pissed.

He's furious.

- No.

- Holy sh*t.

You've been a naughty girl, Daph.

Seems you've been bad. You know?

I've been a bad girl.

- Dude, he's channeling his rage.

- What?

- Yeah.

- Look at him.

- That is pretty f*cking Phil.

- Yeah.