03x02 - A Serious Journalist and Your Brain on Drugs

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Georgie &
Mandy's First Marriage...

- McAllister Auto.
- I'm in jail.

We were hanging out
after the show, smoking,

and I got arrested.

Smoking ain't ill*gal.

Depends on what you're smoking.

Connor don't smoke pot.

Well, actually...

This has cost you $2,500.

It's only money.

That I can't pay back.

Fred, would you like
to have dinner with me?

- I would love to.
- Whoa.

MANDY: I'm here with local farmer

Wade Larkins and his pig Petunia

who has a very unique skill. Wade?

She can tell you when it's gonna rain.

I don't like food being smarter than me.

Then there's probably
a lot you can't eat.

So how exactly does she tell you?

She snorts once for
rain and twice for no rain.

You don't say.

Okay, Petunia, is it
gonna rain tomorrow?

[SNORTS TWICE]

Well, there you have it,

no rain.

Hope you're not coming
for my job, Petunia.

Nah, she's going to the
slaughterhouse next week.

MANDY: Oh.

Well, this took a dark turn.

For Channel Nine News,
I'm Mandy McAllister.

And that's breakfast.

And that's my most successful child.

Hey, you got a minute?

What can I do for you?

I just want you to know
how happy I am here.

Your happiness means the world to me.

[LAUGHS]

I just think I could do stories

that are less...

I don't want to say
"dumb," but I think I have to.

People like dumb.

No, I... I know, my husband

is one of those people.

But I can do things that
are more hard-hitting.

No offense, but

this whole thing doesn't
exactly say hard-hitting.

Oh, thanks.

But I can tone it down.

You know, put me in
some glasses and a blazer

and watch me take down City Hall.

Who's the mayor of Medford?

Maybe we start with medium-hitting.

Have you seen Connor today?

- I saw him earlier.
- You did?

Was he acting weird?

Yes, which is normal for him,

so, no.

Come on, this is serious.
He's been spending

a lot of time up in his room.

What if he's getting high up there?

Maybe he's just playing music.

Which is what people
do when they're high.

Hey.

There he is.

Come here.

Oh.

[SNIFFS]

Are you trying to
see if I smell like pot?

You're sharp. That's a good sign.

Goodbye.

You can relax, Mrs. McAllister,

I think he learned his lesson.

He just took two Pop-Tarts.

That's what the pot
people call munchies.

Your husband ate the rest of the box.

What's that called?

Hey.

How was your day?

Great. We are going out to dinner

with my boss this weekend.

Why?

You saw that pig story.

She's a star.

Well, she wants to
get to know me better,

and I want to show her

that I can be taken seriously.

So you're bringing your child bride?

Georgie is a successful businessman,

he's a great people person,

and when we're at dinner,
do not bring up your age.

You concerned she might
think you robbed the cradle?

'Cause some would say I
robbed the old-age home.

[AUDREY LAUGHS]

You think that's funny?

Oh, come on, that's the
smartest thing he's ever said.

Corrected by actumaxime
For Addic7ed

Relax. You look great.

But do I look professional?

Kind of depends on the profession.

I mean, I wouldn't ask
you to unclog my toilet.

Georgie, no jokes, please?

I really need this to go well.

Sorry. Just trying to help.

Since when do you wear glasses?

They're my mom's.

And they're making me nauseous.

Mandy, you're beautiful,
you're smart, you married up.

You're the whole package.

Thanks.

And I won't say nothing
that'll embarrass you.

I'll just talk about
how wonderful you are

and CeeCee and my job.

Oh, please don't try to sell her tires.

Don't have to. Tires sell themselves.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

It's open.

Hiya.

What's up?

I just came from a routine checkup,

and in the waiting room,

they had some really
informative pamphlets,

and I thought... [CHUCKLES]

"Connor might get a kick out of these."

"Your Brain on Drugs."

See, the egg is your
brain 'cause it's fried.

By drugs.

"Marijuana: Gateway to the Gutter."

That's a cautionary tale.

First pot, next thing you know, heroin.

Well, I've been scared straight.

Thanks, Mom.

Read the last one.

"Crack is Wack."

Okay, "wack" is slang for bad.

Do you think I'm stupid?

Well, I didn't know it.

How many times do I have to tell you?

I'm not doing drugs.

Don't give me attitude.

I am just trying to keep you safe.

By treating me like a child?

Well, you've certainly
been acting like a child.

For your information,
I was tried as an adult.

I don't know what to do with you.

You have a criminal record now.

Oh, please. Bill Clinton smoked pot.

[SCOFFS] Well, of course he did.

He's a Democrat!

This place is nice. Good choice.

Thank you.

Now, let's see.

What looks good?

I'm getting the biggest steak they got.

I don't care how many
people they say it's for.

So, Georgie, you aren't
at all what I expected.

What'd you expect?

Honestly, I just assumed you'd be older.

I get that a lot.

How old are you?

- Uh...
- He's my age.

He's just got that baby face.

I got hair coming
out all over the place,

just not here.

But enough about us.

Yeah. Uh, we're being rude.

How old are you?

Georgie, you don't ask a woman her age.

She asked me.

Well, the important
thing is we are all over 21,

so let's drink.

Cheers.

[GROANS]: Ugh.

Mandy tells me you own a tire store.

Yep, McAllister Auto.

- Best prices in town.
- MANDY: Uh, careful.

Once he starts talking
about tires, he does not stop.

I have trouble hitting the brakes,

which we also do.

How'd you two meet?

Uh, laundromat.

He used to run the one over on Third.

The one with the
gambling room in the back?

Uh...

I used to go to that place all the time.

- Really?
- You're kidding.

Whatever happened
to that lady that ran it?

That's my meemaw.

- I loved her.
- Us, too.

In fact, we named
our daughter after her.

You have a gambling room
in the back of your tire store?

I wish. Getting rich the
legal way takes forever.

You know, ill*gal gambling

is the kind of meaty
story I would love to cover.

Nice segue.

One of my many journalistic skills.

Hold that thought.

I'm just gonna run to the ladies' room.

Okay.

Rocky start, but I think we're okay.

[GROANS]

Why are you still drinking it?

It was eight bucks.

Oh, no.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Look, it's not that big a deal, okay?

They're just having dinner.

They're on a date.

Please don't make a scene.

[SIGHS] Give me some credit.

I know how to behave.

Great.

I'm just gonna take your steak knife.

I am done.

- With...?
- Connor.

Whew. Dodged a b*llet. Okay.

I should've listened to you.

You messing with me?

No. You were right.

This doesn't feel safe.

I have coddled him, I've protected him,

and look what happened.

Oh, now, you can't go blaming yourself.

Yes, I can.

From now on, he's all yours.

Bring down the hammer.

So we're gonna do things my way?

Exactly.

'Cause I was right.

You were right.

Say it again.

You were right.

Slower.

You guys ready to order?

I lost my appetite.

I told him not to eat so
much bread, but men, huh?

That's it. I got to say something.

- No, you don't.
- What's going on?

This is a little weird, but his
mom's on a date over there.

Why is that weird? [GASPS]

Is she having an affair?

Of course not. My dad passed away.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

That guy's a jerk

who's just trying to
use her to piss me off.

Excuse me.

Oh, Georgie, don't...

[SIGHS] He did.

He is younger than you, isn't he?

Ain't this a pretty picture?

What are you doing? Did you follow us?

No. We're here with Mandy's boss,

so y'all need to git.

Whoa. Now, you might want to watch

how you talk to your mother.

I got this.

You better watch how
you talk to your mother.

You know, I was kind of hoping

- we could talk about some work stuff.
- [SHUSHING]

You're ruining Mandy's work dinner.

We are just minding our business.

You are the one who is making a scene.

If you don't like it, go somewhere else.

No, we are having a lovely time.

I don't want to hear the
nasty details of your date.

George Marshall Cooper,
go back to your table right now

or there will be heck to pay.

Dad would be rolling in his
grave if he saw you with him.

You know, we can go someplace...

- We're not going anywhere.
- Yes, ma'am.

And I would like some wine.
Would you like some wine?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Yes.

GEORGIE: Look at that,
another glass of wine.

One date with him and she's a wino.

How long ago did your dad pass?

A couple years.

Oh, that seems like enough time

for your mom to go out on a date.

What do you know?

Georgie, your food's getting cold.

Put some in your mouth.

You know what?

I'm gonna sit next to you so
I don't have to look at them.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- This weird?
- Little bit.

I'll go back.

Sure wish there was
somewhere else I could sit.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

[MARY CLEARS THROAT]

You doing okay?

Oh, fine.

So, have you always lived in Medford?

No. We did a stint in Galveston
when Georgie was little,

still knew how to respect his parents.

Galveston.

Great song.

♪ Galveston, oh, Galveston. ♪

He needs to see that this is my life.

Okay, I tried.

I am the mother, and he is the child.

Well... [SIGHS]

technically, he is a grown-up.

Only 'cause I didn't k*ll him

when he dropped out of high school.

You might want to slow down a little.

Another man who thinks I
can't make my own decisions.

No, no, no, just a man who's regretted

his share of angry drinking.

[SCOFFS] I'm not angry.

I'm thirsty.

[PLAYING QUIETLY]

We need to talk.

- No, we don't.
- Hey.

You live in my house,
you're gonna hear me out.

I get it. I messed up.

I owe Georgie a lot of money.

I disappointed everyone. I'm a loser.

Come on, don't you think

you're being a little
hard on yourself there?

What would you call it?

You were with friends.
You did something dumb.

It happens.

I mean, it usually
happens in your teens,

but at least you got it in before 30.

You're not mad?

I'm not thrilled.

But I'd rather you be making
mistakes out there than

never leaving this room.

Thanks.

As long as you learn
from those mistakes.

I did.

And it won't happen again.

Good deal.

- Dad?
- Yeah.

This talk is not what I expected.

Surprised me, too. Don't tell your mom.

That was quick.

Yeah, it doesn't take long
to bring down the hammer.

I should've let you do
this a long time ago.

Well, you learned from your mistake,

and that's what's important.

People think Sheldon was difficult,

but that one... taken years off my life.

You know, I was a
little bit of a hellion my...

When he got Mandy
pregnant, did I cut him off? No.

I supported him because I love him.

I'm gonna get the check.

No, we cannot leave before them.

Well, you know, call me
old-fashioned, but I like it

when my date seems even
a little bit interested in me.

I'm interested.

Really?

Where was I born?

Where was I born?

Right here in Medford.

And then, after you got married,

you went to Galveston for a stretch,

and that's where you had your twins.

[SCOFFING]

Show-off.

[SIGHS]

Why don't I take you home?

No, I am having a good time!

- Well, I'm not.
- Well, then maybe you should go.

Oh, here's a story you can do.

An expose on Fagenbacher Auto.

I think you mean "exposé."

No, it's "expose."

You don't exposé a crime.

Can we get the check, please?

How do you want to do this?

Split it?

How much younger?

Excuse me for interrupting.

- What do you want?
- I'm going.

She finally wise up
and kick you to the curb?

[SIGHS] Just please...

get her home safe.

He seems great.

I'd go out with him.

Jim!

I just saw some long-haired guy
walking towards Connor's room.

He's probably a friend.

It's not the first one today.

Well, maybe he has more than one fr...

You're right, we should go check.

What is going on here?

I'm selling him my Jupiter-4.

Well, he is gonna have to buy
his marijuana somewhere else.

Yeah, take a hike.

It's not pot.

It's a synthesizer.

Why would you sell that?

I have to pay Georgie back.

Well, good for you.

No, not good.

He loves those instruments.

Well, he screwed up and now
he's making sacrifices to fix it.

That's called being a man.

- I can come back tomorrow.
- Stay.

Do you really want to do this?

No. But I need to.

Be good to her.

Wait.

Take some of these.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Do you know how humiliating that was?

Fred has been nothing but
nice to me, and you ruined it.

Now my boss thinks I'm a joke.

Why are you ganging up on me?

She's the one dating
jerks and getting drunk.

He is not a jerk!

[CRYING]: And now...

he hates me!

Then tonight wasn't a total loss.

Yes, it was.

I'm gonna be interviewing livestock

for the rest of my life!

Oh, I loved that pig interview.

But you get how I could
be doing actual news, right?

Like crime and politics.

No, that stuff makes me so sad.

Do more pigs.

Finally something we agree on.

Wait.

I had pork chops tonight.

[SOBBING]: What if that was Petunia?

Oh, no!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I'm coming. I'm coming.

Oh.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [SIGHS]

Did I wake you?

No, no.

I've been up for a couple hours.

Hoping to die.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, I've been there.

I figured you could use a
hangover care package.

Coffee, aspirin

and the greasiest
breakfast burrito in town.

Really? After how
awful I was last night?

Oh, I seen worse.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

[MARY SIGHS]

Maybe this is just a little
too complicated right now.

Maybe.

But I hope we can still be friends?

I'd like that.

- Well, I should go to work.
- Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Oh.