01x04 - Back in Time

[bunniefuu]

God, it's like
time is crawling.

How long have we been here,




God, it's like time
is rocketing past us.

Well, we're just gonna
have to stay here

Until we find a way to
win over the p.t.a. again.

After all, they seem to think that
someone here embezzled from the fund.

None of you know

What "embezzled"
means, do you?

Isn't it a device that sexes
up the dullest of clothing

With the excitement
of spangles?

It means "stole."

Someone stole it.

Grabber, no grabbing.

This mp3 player
is incredible.

I got it with the cash
we bedazzled from the p.t.a.

Well, i don't know
why i'm here.

I already got
my rich boyfriend

To let us host
a p.t.a. breakfast

At his house while
he's out of town.

He's in
show business,

So there's always bagels in the freezer.

Although,
to be honest,

He is getting
to be old news.

It does feel like we're
stuck in detention,

Like those characters from
those movies in the eighties.

Those movies
were so contrived.

There was always this
well-meaning nice guy

Who tries so hard to impress
the hot, flighty girl.

Wow. you're so well-meaning
to rember that.

But then there's the
jerk who has no problem

Impressing the girl
with his strength,

Even though he doesn't
have a brain in his--

Desk-breaker.

Well, let's not
forget the goofy

Best friend
of the nice guy

Who always comes up
with a nutty scheme

To help him win the
flighty girl back from the--

Hey, why don't
we k*ll ennis

But make him move like he's still alive?

Ooh. how 'bout the suck-up who
blabs everyone else's secrets?

Oh, and, ennis,
they wanna k*ll you

And make you move around
like you were still alive.

Oh, yeah. there was
always one of those.

We lost him.

I always love
the outcast girl,

You know, the real dip
who nobody notices.

How 'bout
the outcast girl,

The real dip
nobody notices?

Oh, right. please take
your hand out of my a*s.

I always enjoyed the
crazy foreign character.

Of course, these days, we'd never have

Such an offensive
ethnic stereotype.

Oh, god. i think we're
describing ourselves.

We're just like those
high school students

In those movies
from the eighties.

Well, you know what? it's time to
break free from those stereotypes.

Gasp.
the throat-clearing

Humorless authority
figure's coming.

I see no one has
come up with a plan

For what we
should tell the p.t.a.

During this breakfast.
ennis?

Ennis thinks
he and i

Could do a show
for the p.t.a.

No, we don't.

Oh, ennis, stop being
such a fussy gus.

My head
really hurts.

That's because there's
a song trapped inside.

Don't. stop.

Thinkin'
about tomorrow

Fleetwood!

So in other words,
nobody has anything

To present
to the p.t.a.

Well, i guess that means we'll
have to cancel the breakfast.

But won't that mean
we're out of the p.t.a.?

I suppose so.

You're all free to go.

So that's it?

That's all
there is?

Yeah, that one did seem
to wrap up kind of quickly.

That's it?

Done by yescool
WwW.addic7ed.com

So, good cheesecake, huh?

It just seems like
we spent so much time

Talking about movies
from the eighties...

You'd think something
would have come of that.

Well, speaking of
the eighties,

You remember how tv shows used
to show clips of prior episodes

To pad when they didn't
have enough content?

The characters would all sit
around remembering things.

Well, who has
more memories than we?

Why, it seems like just yesterday
when careless old stuart here

Had gotten into my
hormone-replacement capsules and...

Come on, guys.
let's show the boys

What we think of 'em.
jump up and down, everybody!

All, synchronized:
ha ha! ha ha ha!

Of course,
the laughs

Weren't always
at stuart's expense.

Why, i rember
the time this one

Sat up on
a dunk tank and...

What else?

How 'bout the time i got
into it with a giant chicken?

Ha ha ha ha!

I- is there a-- ha!
no clip?

So that's really
all we've done.

Wow. we gotta make
some new memories.

You guys
have a minute?

Yes! oh, please. like 16.

Well, i broke up
with my boyfriend.

Yay!

I mean, "why?"

It was because of
something you said.

Good.

I mean, "what?"

Well, you said
we should stop acting

Like eighties movies
stereotypes.

Well, that's great.

It is time for all of us
to grow up.

Well, i'm ready
to throw off

The shackles
of sexual ambiguity

And find out
what i really am.

I suppose
it's like pool.

You don't know if
you're stripes or solids

Until you get a ball
in some hole.

Innuendo.

Well, i'm not really
eager to "grow up,"

Because that basically
puts me in the grave,

But i'll
follow the crowd.

You're right.

I'm ready to stop
bein' the girl...

Anyway it's
a good thing...

That nobody notices.

The p.t.a. brunch got called off.

You're talking. i got it.

'cause i need the
weekend to get my stuff

Out of his incredible


Which between
you and me,

Is practically a shrine to huey lewis.

You know, if you've got
the house this weekend...

And the parents aren't
gonna be coming...

Let's party like the high
school kids we're no longer like.

Party.
party. party.

Whoa. i thought we
were trying to grow up.

Oh, yeah, and i do always
hook up at parties,

So this time,
to be more mature,

Whoever i hook up with,
i'm going to marry.

Because i always
hook up at parties.

Party! party!

Ok, but listen.

Nothing can ruin
this party quicker

Than an uptight
authority figure.

And i know this sounds funny
coming from me, the blabbermouth,

But please, let's all promise that
we won't say a word about this to...

Sue, they're throwing a
party and not inviting you,

Because someone said you were
some kind of an authority figure.

I don't wanna tell you
who it was, but it was...

Me! i'm such a blabbermouth!

Time, date, location.
i know.

I even told her how...

Larry hung his head

When he found out
you were coming,

Which i was
surprised about,

Because i always
thought he liked you.

I don't know why he
would do such a thing.

Well, i will be
attending your soiree,

But don't tell a soul.

Don't you worry.
my lips are...

Sue's coming.
sue is coming.

Yes, i just
told you that.

Sorry. i jumped the g*n
on that one.

Everyone thinks i don't
know how to have fun,

That i'm
the responsible one.

Well, tonight,
i'm going to cut loose.

I'm breakin' out
the fondue.

Of course,
that's kinda messy.

So, happy, there's a party
tonight! i want you to clean up!

Interpreter, british accent:
i shall cleanse my body

And be the escort
you dream of.

Escort? oh, paddington bear
and tea biscuit knickers.

He misunderstands
her meaning.

Oh, no. he's making
a horrible mistake.

Your interpreter thinks you're
making a horrible mistake.

What's
wrong with me?

Happy's gonna
blow you up!

I am such
a kiss-a*s.

I'm going to get noticed
at this party.

I don't care
what it takes.

My whole life,
i've been mocked or ignored,

Like carrie
in that eighties movie.

I was even humiliated
in front of my entire school.

I can't believe it.

You really think
i look like carrie?

That blood was
supposed to be for me.

I'm tired of bein' the girl
without egg on her face.

Well, honey, if you wanna
change who you fundamentally are,

You've gotta look
deep within...

My wardrobe!

Montage.

I come home
in the mornin' light

My mother says,
"when you gon--

Michael sembello:
she's a maniac

Maniac on the floor

Aah!

You know what? maybe we're
trying too hard to blend genres.

Well, there she is.

Are you gonna ask
miracle to the big party?

I don't have a chance.
i'm a loser, rember?

No, that's perfect.

Miracle always
dates a loser

After she dates
a successful guy,

And who's a bigger loser
than you?

Uh, thanks.

Miracle, i'm, uh, really
excited about this party,

And i know that i'm
kind of a loser,

But i was thinking that if
you're not going with anyone--

Ennis: hey, miracle.

You, me, party.

No dinner. no verbs.

I'll bring my bass.

Nice way to ask,
you loser.

Ok. sounds like fun.

Vroom vroom!

Oh, yeah.
the bike's not mine,

Some rich
sophomore's.

I sit on it and go,
"vroom vroom," when he's--

Oh, god!
here he comes! run!

What a loser.

Hmm. wait up.

Wow. the loser
competition's gonna be

A little tougher
than i thought.

Yeah, i thought that would
be a slam-miss for you.

Well, you could
always make her jealous

By going with
someone else.

Yeah, right.
with who? you?

Well, actually
you're not too far off.

My sister polly would go
out with you in a second.

Well, it's a bit
of a crazy scheme,

But it is
worth a try.

Thanks, best friend.

Oh, no.
that is what i am.

I'm still just the best friend
who helps the leading man

Come up with a crazy
scheme to get the girl.

When do i get my chance
to be the leading man?

Like dustin hoffman
intootsie

Or joyce hyser in
just one of the guys?

Hey, maybe i can
be the leading man

And have
a crazy scheme.

Wow. now i'm
actually wondering

How we're gonna fit
all this in.

Well, hello.

You must be that handsome
hunk of subpoverty-level income

My leading man of a brother
stuart was filling my ears with.

P- polly?

Gotcha! ha ha ha!

No, it's me, stuart,

But you should have
seen your face. ha ha!

Oh, i'll go get
the real polly.

Polly, your special
visitor is here!

Oh, great!
i'll be right down!

I'm just throwin' a
blouse over my boobies.

Well, you must be
that loveable loser

My stud of a brother
was prattling on about.

S- stuart?

Stuart?

Oh, tee hee.

I suppose we do
look a bit alike.

Stuart will find this
so amusing.

I'll go tell him.

No, no, no. stu--
or, polly--

Mm, just-- mm, don't.

Impatient boys
don't get treats.

Where are you going?

Ok, knock it off,
stuart.

I know you're polly.
what?

Come on. you have
lipstick on your face.

Wh-- of course i do.

I just kissed
my sister good-bye.

She happens to be
a very good kisser,

Which is something that i would
think that you would be grateful for.

I would never pretend
to be my own sister.

But you did just that
when i came to the door.

You son of a--

Ah heh heh.
wait a minute.

Oh, that must have been polly pretending
to be me pretending to be polly.

And all my doctors say i
should stay on my medication

Or risk putting myself
and others in extreme--

I gotta tell polly
about this.

She has a very male
sense of humor.

And an adam's apple.

Yes, we're all very
concerned about that lump.

That's why this date is
so important to her.

Don't drive away.

Come on. come on. come
on. come on. come on.

Honestly, no sooner do i
put this lipstick on

Than my brother
kisses it right off.

Oh, no.

It's my eve's apple,
isn't it?

You're worried you'll
look like a loser

If you're seen with me,
aren't you?

A loser. right.

Just the kind of guy
miracle is looking for.

Ok, we're gonna go,

But we're gonna
make this quick.

There. a little trick i picked up
from stuart when he dresses as me.

And don't let him
fool you.

He does.

Wow. this place
is amazing.

I keep thinking that when i
grow up, i'm gonna get a place--

Aw, crap. i'm 40.

Still, i thought i had
a lot of huey lewis stuff.

This guy's a bigger
huey-head than me.

Yeah. actually,
he is huey lewis.

Oh, ding.

You're kidding me.
last thing i heard

Wasi want a new drug.
what's he been doin'?

He's actually been
developing a new drug.

He's been working
on something that makes

Younger women attracted
to older guys.

Does it work?

Who knows?
i haven't taken it

Since before i stopped
being attracted to him.

Although i did take one
tonight for old time's sake.

Did you say
you were 40?

I don't know.
i wanted to look young,

But all this
eighties stuff,

It feels so cheesy.

Are you kidding?
you're a dish.

And there's nothing people like more
than a cheesy dish from the eighties.

Get ready for some
of mama sue's

Reagan-era
government-cheese fondue!

Yeah. yeah. yeah.

This is your fault, suck-up.

If you hadn't told
sue about the party,

People would be paying attention to me!

My only hope now is
booze goggles, but--

I can get booze.
i used to get booze

For all the popular kids
in high school,

But then sue found out,
and i had to stop.

Booze? you can
get some booze?

You can get booze?
nice. booze!

Nice!
booze! yeah. nice.

Booze. yeah.
you gotta get some booze.

Gotta get some.
can you get some?

Well, sure. i can
do a booze run.

Booze. can you get some?

Not to brag, but i've got an aarp card,

So i get
a 7% discount

On anything that
will k*ll me faster.

Well, go, man.
go get some jager.

Go get some
jagermeister.

Jagermeister.
meister.

Get some meister.
yay...germeister.

Slight problem.
we all rember

What happened
with my car.

Remember how funny
and yet scary that was?

Ha! no?

Look, just take
one of huey's cars.

He buys a car from every
movie he does a soundtrack for.

That's the power of love

Ok, let's just find miracle
and let her see us together.

If anyone asks,
you are polly.

Of course i am, larry.
heh. honestly, i think

You're the only person
who won't believe me about that.

Hi, stuart.
i'm settin' up

The fondue station
upstairs.

Please tell me
you broke into

Some of that vintage
government cheese, sue.

Oh, you know i did, stuart.

Who was that?

It's sue, our boss.

You responded when she
called you stuart...

By calling her sue.

Of course i did.

If-- sue, is it?

Thinks my brother came dressed
up as a make-believe sister,

I'm not gonna correct her.

Put yourself in my shoes.

Those are
stuart's shoes.

That's stuart's whole
outfit under your dress.

Impatient boys
don't get treats.

You're not a woman.

Oh, did you want proof?

Is that what
this is about?

Is this just some ploy
to get me to show you these?

Is this real enough for you?!

You-- you man!

You man, you.

Larry,
you're with someone.

I-- i never thought
of you that way.

Oh, i'm sorry if it
makes you jealous.

No. i'm just surprised
that stuart

Took those pills
to grow breasts again.

Hi, stuart.

Hi.
pills?

We've only got,
like, 3 memories, larry.

God, it's like if it's
not your flashback,

You just tune out.

Well, if you'll
excuse me,

I'm gonna go put
some powder

On my scro-- varies.

You know, larry, you're like
the g*y best friend

I've always wanted
to share my secrets with,

And here's my first one.

I'm gonna
sleep with ennis tonight.

I know when it's the perfect
time to change my tires.

So, you like music?

I told you i'm a giant
huey lewis fan, so no.

But i don't know. you think it's
ok that we're in his bedroom?

Oh, please.
he's as clueless

As this crazy woman who
claims to be his wife. heh.

Yeah. uh, you know,
i- i'm gonna go check something.

What am i doing?
i can't sleep with her,

Because then i'll
have to marry her,

And then i won't be able
to sleep with her again.

I need something to make
the incredible feelings

That are coursing
through my system go away.

Helen! thank god.

No! i'm over here.

Oh, even better.
what are you doing here?

Trying to find something to
make sue's cheese taste bad.

How 'bout you?

Trying to resist miracle,
but it's too hard,

And it's not fair
to my zipper breaker.

No, ennis.
stay with her.

I'd rather not have
the competition,

Just one night, please.

Oh, there's no competion
for you.

You're a talking
toilet brush.

That's so unique.

Huey's new drug.

Well, the worst thing
that could happen

Is that it'd make young people
attracted to old.

It's hip to be square

Gotta get
that jagermeister.

Oh, what's the address
of that liquor store?



Vhat is the passenworden?

Um, i'm looking
for jagermeister.

Right this way.

I want a new drug

One that won't make me sick

One that won't
make me crash my car

Or make me feel


Oh, no. what a mess.

Well, i said i wasn't going
to care tonight. where's happy?

Interpreter: oh, god, this
is exactly what i'd feared.

Poor man doesn't realize
he's only here to work.

Soon he's certain to be
laid low and humiliated.

He'll be needing a drink.

Where the dickens
is willard?

I'm telling you,
you're in danger.

Saturday, normandy
beach, they're coming.

Danke,suck-up.

Oh, god, i am.

I'm such a suck-up.

Miracle? ennis?

Where the hell are they?

He's probably already asked
to take her home.

Oh, the things
he'll do to her there.

But you can't just give up like
the allies did in world w*r ii.

Hey, everybody,
sue's fondue

Has got everyone
up in a lather.

It's practically
an orgy up there.

I want a new drug...

Ennis, miracle,
don't do it!

Ennis and miracle?
they're down here.

Oh, no.
i gotta stop him.

I can't. i'm sorry, miracle.

You move too fast.

I need to move slower,
like-- like...

Well, like the pace at which
this fondue would travel,

Should it be poured
off a balcony, say.

Wait! don't put that zipper
breaker away just yet.

Maybe you and i
could hook up.

I'm sorry.
for some reason,

I feel like you're
too young for me.

I guess i'm only attracted
to older toilet brushes.

Why won't
you look at me?

Am i so horribly
disgusting to you?

Kinda, a little bit. yeah.

Where is that toilet brush?

What's the point?
i'll never get noticed.

I shouldn't even
have tried.

No. i shouldn't have
tried to change you.

Look how foolish it would make
me look with bright red hair

And tennis ba*ls
in my dress.

Zip, please.

And that crazy paint
on your lips.

No, forget it.
i'll use mine.

There. oh, my god.
you're beautiful.

I am?!

No, not you.

You.
me?

No.
me?

Wrong.
me?

No.

No.

That's the best-lookin'
thing i've seen all night.

I'm not g*y,
straight, or bi.

I'm a my-sexual.

Oh, great.
once again,

I don't get to be the
one covered in blood.

Oh, god, i'm so sorry.

I just couldn't
let you leave with him.

You did this?

I-- i just wanted
to be with you tonight.

He's such a jerk.

And i thought you were
my g*y best friend.

I was going of you.

You're the jerk.

Jerk. i-i'm not
the jerk. i'm--

I'm the nice guy
who's defending her honor.

Actually, that's
what i was doing.

That's right. ennis is the nice guy.

He wouldn't
touch me all night.

I wouldn't.
it's true. i'm nice...

He's nice.
really nice.

Not like you.
you're the jerk.

You're the jerk.
not him.

I'm nice.
i'm protecting her

From making
a mistake tonight.

That way, i can use
my zipper breaker on her

Whenever i want without having
to worry about a husband.

Heh heh. i'm nice.

All: aww.

Don't aww that.
that's not worth an aww.

Oh, they're not awwing
that. they're awwing that.

Interpreter:
oh, no. here it comes,

The moment of heartbreak.

So sad to see such an earnest
older man such as happy--

Get over here, you
gorgeous hunk of over 50.

Oh, my. i did not
see this coming.

He's not the foreigner
being asked to work after all.

What's happy sayin'?

Where the hell's
the guy? get the guy!

Oh, kippers upon hasting.

I'm the guy. it's me.

I'm the oblivious foreigner who
thinks he's part of the g*ng,

But has only
been invited to work.

I guess none of us are who we
thought we were. i'm the jerk.

And i'm
the nice guy.

Who still gets
to have sex later.

I'm the dip.

I'm the couple who can't
keep their hands off other.

And i'm the flighty girl
who flips from guy

To girl.

And i'm the best friend.

Guess that means you're still
the authority figure, sue.

Actually,
i'm the screw-up,

Because i forgot to disinvite the
parents from the p.t.a. breakfast,

And i just got a text
that they're on their way.

Oh, no. and look
at this place.

Don't worry. i've got
one last crazy scheme

To not only win over
the p.t.a.,

But also create
the greatest memory

Any of us
will ever recollect.

I just hope
there's time.

God, why did we
waste so much time