02x04 - Katrina

[bunniefuu]

Hey everyone, it's March Madness when we

crown the defining disaster of the Bush

presidency. Here are the brackets. We're

down to the Final Four, Iraq, Katrina,

the subprime mortgage meltdown, and my

dark horse pick, the upcoming w*r with

Iran. If everything keeps going my way,

I'll rake in 35 bucks from my office

pool. Well, thanks America, and sorry I

ran.

Tonight's episode, the one where little

Chaney almost took a dump on the couch.

It looks like a train is about 5 minutes

from making landfall. Rummy hit us with

the lightning and Thunder.

Starting to run.

All right, Connie, start loading. Why do

I always have to do the looting when we

play Katrina?We stick

you on the roof to wait for female

to save you a heck of a job,

Barney. Now let's unleash the furious

wrath that is Katrina. Katrina, Katrina.

Yay yay, yay.

Go shady go.

All right, now here comes Anderson Cooper

to be a big bummer. Make everybody feel

guilty. Jeff, go 360.

All right, I think it's time for the

levees to break. Remember that **** storm

around?What in the

world? Don't you knock, Laura?

Oh, my goodness, Dad, what have you done

to your brother? Oh, for the love of

Oleo George, this looks bad. We better

take him to the vet. Hold on crowning.

Ah, that's the ticket, remember?

Just ignore what's coming out of Chinese

butt pop. It was an act of God. Oh,

you're in big trouble, Mr. I want your

friends out of here in this place cleaned

up by the time we're back. Or else. Who

says I don't give a **** about New

Orleans Ferrara. Let's

go, puppy. And don't forget the punch

card where two visits away from a free

delousing.

Well, I guess when disaster strikes, the

real heroes roll up their sleeves, both

literally and as a figurational type

device.

Little George better have gotten this

place cleaned up.

Mom, Pop, welcome home. I just want you

to know how much hard work I've done

cleaning up this mess. This room really

has a bright future.

Oh my God, this place is still a mess.

Did you really think we'd fall for this?

Well, I'm cleaning up. This whole room is

a long term job. It's going to take

patience. It could take six

days, six months, six years. Oh, heck.

I'm willing to stay the course even if it

never gets done. Little George, in the

time it took you to make that banner, you

could have cleaned this whole house.

Well, I didn't just make this banner. As

soon as I finished it, I made that

better. Ah, that's it, Mr. You're going

to your room without dinner.

Bar but we must be resolute. We

can't cut and run.

Jesus H Crisco, look at these bills.

I don't know what we're going to do with

that boy. He won't take orders. He's like

that charming Jack Bauer. I can't think

about Jack Bauer right now. Have you seen

this mortgage bill?I

told you we never should have refinanced

the White House with one of those

subprime loans. It's not my fault I was

taken in by that fuzzy little *******

Garfield the cat. Oh,

George, does this mean I can't get the

breast enlargement surgery I want? Good

Lord, woman, how big do we have to make

those things? I want them on the floor.

I'm sorry, bar. The only thing ballooning

around here are these payments. Our

mortgage has jumped to more than 180,000

a month. I'm afraid we're going to have

to sell the house before the bank

forecloses. But, George, this is our

home. We were born in this house. We grew

up here and built this house with our

bare hands. And when?Laura came and they

outlawed dancing. You and ET kept riding

your bike. I think you've had enough

afternoons filled with Xanax and Netflix.

I'm sorry I got caught up in the fake

memories. I don't want to leave here.

What are we going to tell little George?

Oh, geez. I don't know. Oh, wait a

minute. What if we send him down to help

with the reconstruction of New Orleans?

It would give us time to sort things out

with the house. Great. And then we'll

send the boy to Chocolate City. And maybe

with little George out of the. We can

also visit Chocolate City. It's a new

candy factory. They give tours. They also

have a room where you can put it in

my pooper. Oh, you always playing hard to

get. Now, come on, let's go tell little

George we're sending him to New Orleans.

And then I'll let you pull some Mardi

Gras beads out of my French Quarter.

Well, I I do like those shiny beads. We

don't want to take a break, but we need

a little more time to finish coloring in

the show. Say we're already running

out now. Bryce, you watched us too fast.

I can't believe your dad can force all of

us to go to New Orleans to work on

the endless ongoing reconstruction

efforts. Executive privilege is a *****.

Hey George, look, New Orleans.

Oh my God, this is unbelievable, the

incredible scope of the destruction. No,

all the houses look tiny, like some

kind of dollhouse or something. I guess

all the New Orleaniacs are miniature.

It's just a perspective, George. Hey,

there's miniature people out this side

too. We'll see how many people are

everywhere. It's time you came to terms

with your giant body.

Listen, you're going to need to make some

big changes around here if you want me to

be able to sell this place. Like what? I

would convert the Situation Room to a

screening room, turn the waterboarding

tub downstairs into a jacuzzi, and lose

the depressing fetus pictures in the

breakfast nook. Then the placenta colored

drapes won't make any sense. Speaking of

color, the outside of this place needs a

coat of paint. Something a little zazzier

than white would be good. Tuscan yellows

are very hot right now, but it's called

the White House. We're going to list it

as the Zazz House. Well, that that is

zazier.

Open up. It's Sean Penn, you cheap

FEMA ********. All right, guys, Just like

we rehearsed. Hey, hey, hey, h*, h*.

New Orleans has got to go back

to the way it was before the

hurricane. If we're up

to it, maybe even better. Good effort,

g*ng. We'll work on the chant later.

It's less for collie dude. And what are

you still doing in New Orleans? Don't you

have to be in Hollywood punching out

photographers or something?I'm using my

super intense personality to clean up

this disaster once and for all. Or too

bad you didn't use it to clean up the

interpreter. Now, that was a disaster

around week. Third act. Where am I? Well,

we're going to fix things here. If we can

just get the money from FEMA. These

people are entitled to open up, Brownie.

These people demand to be heard. Yeah.

Oh crap, it's Sean Penn. I bet he thinks

I got Oscars in here. Hey, it's my old

crawling little brownie. Oh, hey, little

George. I will take care of this, Mr.

Grever. Come on in before Sean Penn goes

all Sean Penn on my face. Hey, hey, hey.

Bath time, Marara.

What's up, little brownie? What brings

you back down here? Didn't your dad get

fired? They were going to fire him, but I

guess they forgot. They forget about a

lot of stuff down here. Where is he now?

He's off working with the Army Corps of

Engineers, designing himself a snazzy new

suit. Oh, so you're in charge? All this

money. Great. We needed to help out the

tiny people in New Orleans. Although up

to this point, they've all been

disappointingly large. Oh, cheer up,

George. I'm sure we'll find some

miniature people somewhere. What am I

saying? This yes man thing is getting

ridiculous. Well, gosh guys, I'd love to

give you some of this money, but it's

really all I have to heat the place.

Well, that makes sense. We didn't want

you to catch a cold. Yeah, I'm sure the

many poor will understand fire. Good. You

want a U.S. Army amphibious as*ault

vehicle? There was some kind of mix up

and instead of FEMA housing trailers, we

got those. I'm not sure what happened to

those FEMA trailers. This

neighborhood is all clear. Let's moveout.

Thanks anyway, Brownie. Well, it looks

like we might have to do some real work

and fix New Orleans ourselves. Unless

it's your words your mom said. No more

banners. We'll be

right back after a visit to everyone's

favorite wall, the Little Bush Joke Wall.

What did the Ducks say when it got to

Iraq? I don't know, George. What? This

place is a quagmire.

Vintage Little George.

Grammar at my turn around. Who they

say to who say I don't know.

Little training. What do you say, Holy

Shiite. Good one, Chaney. I just hope

it's not too Sunni.

Gentlemen, tear down this joke wall.

Well, get back in your coffin, Daddy.

Well, we got to take a break, so it's a

Guantanamo, guard said to his c*ptive.

Stay right there or I'll Taser you in the

nuts.

Oh, George, I hope we find a nice buyer.

Then at least our home will have a good

home. I'd like to make you an offer. What

is it, little Giuliani? I think you'll

find it more than reasonable.

It's it's just says 911. You play

hardball. I like it. How about this?

This one? This one says 911 too.

Exactly. Excuse me, friend. What do you

want, Tiny Kucinich? Would you consider

selling just the doghouse?

I think I'd like to buy this house.

Wonderful. Mitt, do you have a co-signer?

Jesus is my co-signer. And when should I

expect him?Any day now. Sorry,

we're looking for a buyer who can move in

before the apocalypse. Oh, I'm sorry,

we don't want to buy any magazines from

you. Try next door. I'm not selling

magazines. Candy bars for your basketball

team, no. He must must

be a g*ng recruiter bar now. I told

you ***** already. I'm not joining. I

represent the whole country. Huh.

Helping the people of New Orleans is hard

work, but really satisfying. Yeah. It

feels good to make a difference a little.

Trent Lott, I think your house is better

than ever. Little George. You're truly a

St. Have some lemonade. Hey, don't want

some food? Please. We don't have anything

to spam. Yeah, do our way there. When

life keeps you lemons, make lemonade. But

you won't even give us a lemon.

We need them for our lemonade. What are

you guys doing rebuilding here?This place

doesn't need help or you're trying to

sell our lemonade Falcon and or snowman.

The people need real help. Schools,

hospitals, dramatic monologues from

brooding actors, you know basic services.

Come on, I'll show you all right, Dead

man walking show us away. Carlito's way

That's a 2 for see what I did there

I. This is what

I'm talking about. Now come on, let's

unload this lumber and start building

these homes.

So while they're doing the hard work,

what kind of managerial type bossing

around do you want us on ice? To his

friend from Colors. I need you guys to

head over there and start rebuilding that

school so the children have some place to

grow and learn.

This is going from bad to worse How it's

fixing the school going to make anyone

happy. What are we going to do? Let's

flag What are these people like piles of

junk, the smell of water damaged carpets,

rooftop parties. Well that is all true,

but they need some bigger a well

organized government run release effort

plan time again con I like it. No, what

they need is a surprise Mardi Gras.

What's a surprise Mardi Gras? It's just

like Mardi Gras only a surprise. But

think about it these people. Mardi Gras,

I mean, they're the only ones that have

it, so why not bring it to them now? They

won't be expecting it and then bam,

surprise Mardi Gras right in their face.

How are we going to do it? Our answer is

right there. Great idea,

little George. We can use this lumber to

make a great float. Wrong again, Con,

you're obsessed with being wrong. We're

going to give the wood to Brownie so we

can burn it, and then we can use this

money to make the best surprise Mardi

Gras float ever. You were

right, little George, this money really

did make the best of. Cried Mardi Gras

float. Ever.

With the destruction of the three levees

protecting New Orleans, the landscape of

the city changed dramatically. Hey, wise

world Doing your impression. Wise world.

I saw that movie like 50 times. How's it

going? I forget. Not now. Just imagine if

you were down there. I can't hear Austin

Powers say psychedelic. No, no, no, no,

no. Say. Oh, behave, Donkey. What is

wrong with you? Little George Bush

doesn't care about black people. Sure I

do. You know, my favorite movie is White

Chicks. Wait, that gives me an idea.

White Chicks 2 black. Starring Mike Myers

and of course Mike Myers. Now give him

some of your black makeup, dude. We got a

movie to make. Let's go, people. Clear

the set.

All right, bar the realtor sent over all

the beds, little Ralph Nader, little Mike

Huckabee, little Ron Paul, these guys

can't possibly think they'll ever live in

the White House. Now, dear, don't get

upset how they have a right to make a bid

for the White House, just as we have a

right to laugh at their pathetic

attempts. Down here, the more

serious offers. See there's Clinton,

Romney, McCain, Obama, woman, Mormon,

nutjob, black. Well, at least there

are no Jews.

You know, oh God, it's Little Joe

Lieberman. Pretend we're not here.

Hello, my bride

bagels anyone?

Hello.

All right, g*ng, let's do a best surprise

Mardi Gras ever checklist. We got plenty

of Best surprise Mardi Gras ever beads

check on wild.

Well then, let's rock'n'roll.

Come on, enjoy. The best surprise

Mardi Gras ever.

What the hell are you doing in surprise?

It's 4:00 AM. And it's not even

Tuesday or February. That's why it's a

surprise ****** ***.

You're dying down.

Ground is time to get down.

What the best surprise Mardi Gras.

Go **** yourself, Mr. Cheney.

That's working. The whole town has turned

out. They love it. We don't love it. We

want to k*ll you.

It's a guarantee, you guys. I

know I can now run them this

auger wall. Bam. Switch them up a

notch now. Guarantee we'll be mine. Oh

mine. You're ruining all our hard

work and good deeds. Good phase. If you

want the good base, you're going to have

to show us a little skin.

Now we got them, they're trap.

Time to give this town a good scrub.

You're like Mr. Clean Little George, only

less ba*ls and less game around. Hey,

there goes Kanye West Little George

Bushes. I care about black people and

there goes I am slam but stay cigarettes.

Ooh, now I've got oceanfront

property high 5 Freddy.

Well, I don't know if New Orleans is

better or worse, but I'd like to think we

put a few smiles on a few faces. And if

nothing else, I think they were really

surprised, I'll say. And by the time

they're done swimming and playing around,

it'll be time for next year's best Bryce

Mardi Gras ever. Well, the best surprise

Mighty cry ever.

George, do you think we'll be OK in our

new home? We'll get by bar. I'm sure

we'll feel right at home at the Hojos

next to the bus station. And I can do my

presidenting on my laptop if I sit close

enough to the Starbucks.

Oh my, the buyers here, I can't believe

we're really losing this place. Well, the

real estate agent said it was down to two

people. Let's see who the next occupant

of the White House will be.

Well, hey, Mom and Dad, we're back from

rebuilding New Orleans. Oh, son, did you?

Did you learn your lesson? Oh, yeah, sure

did. When you flood New Orleans, it

tastes just like gumbo. And that dogs. I

meant, did you learn your lesson about

taking responsibility for your actions

instead of hiding behind catchy slogans

on meaningless banners? Oh, yeah. No

banners. Quick out the banner.

Well, I'm glad you had fun, but we've

got some bad news. We have to sell

the house. We don't have enough money to

keep it. Sell the house. My bedroom, too.

I'm. I'm afraid so. It's every morning.

Look, the float is made of millions of

dollars. No more mortgage.

Looks like I saved the day again. And

they say the government relief money

isn't getting to the people who need it.

Here we go again.

And now a post show press conference with

little George. I just shotgun to you.

Who? And it's hitting Sarah. So make this

quick here. Whatever happened to your old

pal Brownie at FEMA? Oh, that guy. He

left to pursue other interests. I believe

he's now ******* over African Americans

in the private sector. You flooded New

Orleans twice and you haven't shown the

slightest bit of remorse. This is my

promise to the American people. I will

keep flooding New Orleans until I get it

right. In fact, a Chinese get the CIA to

blow up those levees again. I got. Just

my looking sorry face. How's this?

Looks like I'm sorry, doesn't it? I'm

not. Don't you think it's insensitive to

use the tragedy of Katrina as a kids

game? Yes, I'm glad you asked. In fact,

that tragedy was so much fun to play,

I've turned it into an awesome new board

game.

You're all getting one to take home free.

Oop, that you? Who's reached my who? Who?

Good night and God bless. Oh, forget it.

So you're saying no one is driving? I'm

saying I jammed my guitar on the gas

pedal like they tell you to do in that

song, while my guitar gently drives. 55.

Well, I don't know if New Orleans is

better or worse, but I'd like to think we

put a few smiles on a few faces. And if

nothing else, I think they were really

surprised. Hey, Kanye back. Man,

he sure got fat since the flood

started. It's called bloating, little

George, I think it's called. Well, so

long, New Orleans. Better luck next year.