02x01 - St. Patrick's Day

[bunniefuu]

We interrupt tonight's program to bring

you an important message from the White

House. The last week I

endorsed John McCain for president, and

here's why. I'm ******* McCain. This

sounds funny, but it's true.

Well, I'm ******* McCain. He's one sexy

PO double you.

Well, *******. Even though

he's old and crazy. Well,

I'm ******* McCain because I will want

to have his black paper, but I'm

******* McCain. He's the only candidate I

do. And if you've ever McCain, then

you're going to be.

**** Sir. A good thing, right, Mom? Yes,

dear. Now start your show. All right.

Live from animation land. It's Lil Bush.

Tonight's episode. l*sbian Freak Fest.

But I already gave you all my lunch

money. 5 bucks I think. Little Al Gore's

holding out. Give him a swirly voice. Ram

around potty mouth. I hope this is a low

flow toilet. The

swirly nerd gets the turd.

Oh no, little Wolf Blitzer has been here

the whole time. Ramaran beat the press

for Rama.

You're watching BNN, the Beltway

Elementary News Network. I'm Lolo Dobbs

this mornings breaking story. The Saint

Patricks Day parade is next week,

headed by Little Hillary and the

little dams Volunteers are still needed.

In other news, I hate immigrants. Now

let's throw it over to a little

Wolf Blitzer and the situation homeroom.

The place Beltway elementary school boys

room. The scene swirlies the swirliers.

Lil George and his cronies. Cha Chong

the Swirlied, a chubby student who wished

to remain anonymous. Cha Chong,

little crony squad. You guys are in big

trouble this time. So what's it gonna be,

Chase? Another detention that I'll have

to get my dad to pardon me from. I don't

think punishments are getting. Through to

you guys, I have something special in

mind. You 4 are going to join little

Hillary on the Saint Patrick's Day Parade

committee. What Chicheng?

OK, this meeting of the Saint Patrick's

Day Parade Committee will come to order

One 34135 Edwards now.

As I'm sure everyone has noticed, we have

some new members. Look, we don't want

to be here anymore than you. We

volunteered to do this. What? That's like

getting punished without even getting to

do the bad stuff first. Ram around Duke

lacrosse. Can we please start the

meeting? We need ideas. I think the

parade needs to be green, for example, to

promote water conservation. Here's the

theme I came up with. If it's yellow,

let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it

down. If it's green, happy Saint

Patrick's Day and probably flush that

down. And also and if it's little al also

flush it down. Hey,

if we're going to invite the

environmentalist, I think we should

invite the g*y rights activists as well.

I'll start making multilingual signs. How

do you say Erin Gobra in Spanish?

You guys are ruining St. Patricks day. It

should be for Irish people only. You're

not even Irish. Everyone's Irish on Saint

patties day. So anyway, I am Irish you

see, and since I'm Irish I get to

decide who's not Irish and I say no

*******. We should definitely invite

*******. I'll make some tiny invitations.

You know, for a ****** American, meeting

a g*y American and seeing all that

flowing, quaffed hair can be a traumatic

experience. That's why I propose an

Encounters area where the ******* can run

their fingers through the beautiful hair

of the gays. There's insanity. They're

including everyone. These people have got

to be stopped.

Dinner is served.

Good God, woman, what in the name of

sweet, creamy Jesus are you up to?Now I

bought a tanning bed Deer. I want

to be a freckly Irish lass for our big

Saint Patrick's Day BBQ with the Irish

Prime Minister. Well, don't take this the

wrong way, but I'm just going to look at

the boy while we eat our dinner. Oh.

Hey Pop, I'm down in the dumps. The

stupid teacher is making us work on the

stupid Saint Patrick's Day parade with

the stupid little Dems, and they're going

to let the stupid ******* and the stupid

g*y people marching the parade. It's

going to be a l*sbian freak fest. Did

somebody say l*sbian freak fest?Ha ha.

Tell get your mother started. Listen,

son, let me tell you a story about our

family and the true meaning of Saint

Patrick's Day. That's about an ancestor

of yours, Old Obadiah Herbert Walker.

Prescott Bush. I see ya. Old Obadiah was

making a nice living selling blankets

during the plague, but his sales began to

drop when a sudden infestation of snakes

started feeding all the plague carrying

rats. So he did what any good businessman

would do. He totaled his flute and LED

all the snakes out of Ireland. Well,

unfortunately a transporting animals

across international borders while

playing the flute turned out to be a

crime and Obadiah had to think fast so he

wouldn't be implicated. He saw his old

crony St. Patrick nearby and well, he

asked him for help and the matter was

resolved quickly and painlessly.

And that was the very first Saint

Patrick's Day. Well if it wasn't for us

Bushes, St. Patrick would never have died

for our sins. Sounds like some Texas

justice to me. I like it. That was

horrible. Little Dems have no. Business

telling a Bush who should be allowed in

the parade. Oh son, why don't? Why don't

you and your friends have your own

parade? You can exclude anyone you want,

or even g*y people. *******. Especially

g*y people and *******. If you're open to

suggestions, I'd add Puerto Ricans and

puppeteers. As Gray.

Later in this morning's announcement,

shocking footage of Paris Hilton flashing

her butt hole. Followed by an

investigative report. Butt holes? Are

they the new vag*na?But first,

little Hillary is here to get our Irish

up. Little Hillary. Hey everyone,

remember to wear green to our big parade.

It's going to be Shamrockin. Hold the

phone. What are you doing here? Say I'm

here to announce that me and my cronies

will be putting on a totally awesomer and

Shamrock here Saint Patrick's Day parade

and it'll be without the little dams and

their crazy army of bean eating pillow

bitters. No one trusts you guys to run a

parade. You guys don't even know where

Ireland is. Well, sure I do. It's sad,

it's in our hearts. It's like a free

rack, wink. If you like commercials,

you're going to love this next segment.

Little George, what were you doing? We

don't know the first thing about throwing

a parade. You keep getting us into these

things with no plan for how to get us

out. Look, we can't let the Little Dems

win St. Patricks Day, So what are we

going to do, Turd Blossom? Are you sure

Not him? Who the heck are you talking

about? He's talking about the one person

who hates the Little Dems more than we

do. Little Karl Rove.

Some say he was the smartest kid in the

whole school, but he harbored a secret

love for the gritty world of hip hop.

After years of practicing in secret, he

decided to risk it all and share his

rhymes at the school talent show.

I'm a man with a plan. I'm a tragic

trope. Tell me, what's my name? My name

is Nancy Rose. That day, he wrapped his

heart out for hours and hours.

Unfortunately, the only two words he can

write. Were Rove and trove I

got my mind on my robe and

my robe on my trove. It robe

to Rover Trove 2 Rover troll. It's

Rover. I believe I could roll.

I believe I could touch the trolls.

Oh my God it is a troll.

I'm telling y'all it's a roving troll.

That made me sick and there is no

national healthcare plan that will make

me feel better. We'll all remember where

we were on the day of this horrible

tragedy. I'm afraid you're just not black

enough.

From that day on, no one's ever seen him

again. Where the heck was I during all

this? That was the week you and Zac Efron

became best friends. Zach, how did you

get your eyes to be so beautiful? I don't

know, man. Just the way they are. What do

you think of my eyes? You think they're

pretty?Here, your eyes are all right.

Now that guy was a talent. Too bad he's

dead now. Thanks a lot, Rummy. Anyway,

they say a little Karl Rove locked

himself in his room studying the little

Dems, waiting for his chance to bring

them down and living on nothing but Hot

Pockets, Hot Pocket eating Democrat

hater. Sounds like my kind of guy. There

is one thing, George. They say that once

you give him control, he'll own your

brain forever or until he steps down to

spend more time with his family. Well,

that sounds crazy, but I ain't using this

thing anyway, so let's go.

Bar bar, bar, bar tan.

Check that out though, Jeb.

What on earth? Jebby Garfield.

Jab. Now I'm really going to have to

crank this thing up.

Jab smell Arby's. Well, Jeb is smelling

there. Why don't you wrap your nostrils

around us? It's time for Cheney. Okie,

sing along at home.



Clouds run around away.

Away.

Go **** yourself around.

Oh oh, I don't pay. Quit it.

Hello, anybody here? Anybody want

my brain over here?

Welcome, gentleman. I have everything all

planned out for you. Well, do you know

why we're here?I know all

things. Plus, little, Cheney texted

ahead. Anyway, I've been waiting for you.

This parade is the perfect opportunity to

implement my master plan to crush the

little Dems forever. Crush them. I like

it because it makes me think of Orange

Crush. And all this listening has me.

Seriously, Parsh. Come on, g*ng. We

haven't heard his master plan yet, Little

George. All right. Phase One,

Smear the Dems. Smear them like butter on

a Hot Pocket.

All right, we'll just. So

then we'll just go.

So then we're just telling.

Let's get started smearing guys. Looks

like he's going to be laughing for a

while.

Wow, all the smearing is working like a

charm. An anonymous blog this morning

made an unsubstantiated claim that little

Pelosi may have said she wants to, quote,

turn the Saint Patrick's Day parade into

San Francisco. You guys are

fat jerks. Stop trying to give everybody

body cancers. This is not good. We're

getting smeared all over the school. This

could ruin our all inclusive Saint

Patrick's Day parade. We need to fight

back and show everyone that we're tough

and manly. That's easy for you, though,

Hillary. But what about the rest of us?

We could go hunting. Yes. Perfect. OK,

but no g*ns. Yeah, and we can't k*ll any

animals. That would be mean. Great. We'll

go hunting without g*ns and without

hurting animals to show how tough we are.

Yes, Yes, we we can. can.

We We went went to to hunt hunt as as

children, children, we we return return

as as men. men. We've We've captured

captured a a handful handful of of

mushrooms mushrooms and and Moss Moss

from from the the forest. forest. Surely

Surely now now you you can can see see

how how inappropriate inappropriate for

for ridicule ridicule we we are. are.

We We did did it, it, g*ng. g*ng. Now Now

no no one one will will ever ever go go

to to their their stupid stupid parade.

parade. Yeah, Yeah, now now all all we we

have have to to do do is is get get a a

parade parade together together in in

three three hours. hours. But But we we

don't don't have have floats. floats. We

We don't don't have have a a route.

route. What What are are we we going

going to to do?do?

Come Come on, on, little little George.

George. Think Think I I got got a a

better better idea? idea? What What if if

I I use use my my brain? brain? Welcome

Welcome back. back. You've You've done

done very very well well with with phase

phase one one of of my my master master

plan plan body body cancers. cancers. Who

Who came came up up with with that? that?

Round, Round, round. round. Aw, Aw,

shucks. shucks. Round, Round, round,

round, round. round. Now Now don't don't

worry worry about about the the parade,

parade, it's it's all all taken taken

care care of of in in phase phase two two

where where you'll you'll charm charm the

the Dems Dems into into being being a a

winning winning accomplices accomplices

to to their their own own demise. demise.

I I think think this this PowerPoint

PowerPoint presentation presentation will

will make make everything everything

crystal crystal clear. clear. What's

What's that? that? Oh, Oh, that's that's

just just a a sound sound I'm I'm working

working on. on. It's It's this this next

next slide. slide. If If you you always

always say say the the opposite opposite

of of what what you you mean, mean,

people people will will get get so so

confused confused you you could could get

get away away with with anything.

anything. Let's Let's say say you you

want want to to let let the the logging

logging industry industry decimate

decimate our our National National Forest

Forest for for profit. profit. What What

would would you you call call that? that?

The The Decimate Decimate our our

National National Forest Forest for for

Profit Profit Act? Act? No, No, you you

call call it it the the Healthy Healthy

Forest Forest Initiative. Initiative.

Here's Here's another another one. one.

Suppose Suppose you you wanted wanted to

to pollute pollute up up the the sky.

sky. Boy, Boy, would would I I ever ever

you'd you'd call?call?At At the the Clear

Clear Skies Skies Act, Act, then then you

you could could do do whatever whatever

you you want want to to the the crummy

crummy sky. sky. Ram Ram around around

like like Iraqi Iraqi Freedom Freedom

around, around, yes. yes. So So if if you

you want want to to be be non non

inclusive, inclusive, you you have have

to to make make everyone everyone think

think that that you're you're being being

non non inclusive. outclusive. close

close enough. enough. And And with with

the the special special parade parade

route route I've I've planned planned for

for you, you, I'll I'll finally finally

have have my my revenge revenge on on

those those little little Democrats.

Democrats.

Oh, Oh, Hot Hot Pocket. Pocket.

Remember, Remember, George, George, the

the rule rule of of opposites. opposites.

Got Got it. it. Con Con ****. ****. I I

mean mean ****. ****. Hey, Hey, little

little Dams, Dams, you you guys guys got

got a a minute? minute? Did Did you you

get get lost lost looking looking for for

the the special special education

education classroom? classroom? Oh, Oh,

man, man, that's that's hilarious.

hilarious. Little Little hell, hell, we

we do do have have a a good good time

time together, together, don't don't we?

we?We We were were thinking thinking

it'd it'd be be fun fun if if all all of

of us us work work together together to

to throw throw the the most most

inclusive inclusive type type parade

parade ever. ever. We We can can have

have gays gays ******* ******* Puerto

Puerto Ricans, Ricans, g*y g*y *******

******* Puerto Puerto Rican Rican gays,

gays, ****** ****** Puerto Puerto Ricans.

Ricans. What What about about g*y g*y

Puerto Puerto Rican Rican *******?

*******? These These guys guys are are

pushing pushing it. it. Yeah, Yeah, sure.

sure.

Well, Well, I I guess guess we we can can

trust trust them. them. Yes, Yes, we we

can. can. Well Well guys, guys, looks

looks like like we've we've got got a a

parade parade to to put put on on after

after all. all. Let's Let's do do it. it.

Do Do it, it, yeah. yeah. I'm I'm little

little Wolf Wolf Blitzer Blitzer coming

coming up up in in the the situation.

situation. Homeroom Homeroom Nurple

Nurple alert alert level level raised

raised to to purple. purple. How How will

will it it affect affect your your

weekend? weekend? Stay Stay tuned. tuned.

Ah, Ah, the the Irish Irish Prime Prime

Minister Minister is is going going to to

love love this. this. George, George, I I

dozed dozed off off in in my my tanning

tanning bed bed and and while while it's

it's done done an an excellent excellent

job job of of bringing bringing out out

my my freckles, freckles, I I think think

I I might might have have overdone

overdone it. it. I I don't don't feel

feel very very well. well. Oh Oh, good

good God, God, woman, woman, you you look

look like like one one of of those those.

gosh Gosh, Duran during Peruvian Peruvian

ice ice mummies. mummies I I took took my

my temperature temperature with with this

this meat meat thermometer thermometer

and and it it says says my my liver liver

is is well well done. done. Oh, Oh,

that's that's great. great. The The Irish

Irish Prime Prime Minister Minister is is

going going to to be be here here in in



have have time time to to cook cook

dinner dinner for for him him and and get

get your your liver liver removed.

removed. What What are are we we going

going to to do?do?Oh.

So ah. Ah.

This This This feels feels feels so so so

wrong wrong wrong though. though. though.

These These These control control control

top top top tides tides tides do do do

wonders wonders wonders for for for my my

my figure. figure. figure. I I I know

know know it it it feels feels feels

weird, weird, weird, but but but remember

remember remember if if if we we we

really really really got got got a a a

liberal liberal liberal it it it up up up

and and and the the the gayer gayer gayer

the the the better. better. better. So So

So I I I brought brought brought this

this this purse purse purse which which

which I I I made made made out out out of

of of the the the seat seat seat of of of

my my my pants. pants. pants. Buns Buns

Of of of steel. steel steel Thanks

around. around. Thanks Thanks man. man.

man. All All right, right, let's let's

work work it, it, girls. girls.

Oh, Oh, Oh, St. St. St. Patricks Patricks

Patricks Day, Day, Day, your your your

parade. parade. parade. Your Your Your

parade parade parade is is is starting

starting starting full full full of of of

******* ******* ******* Puerto Puerto

Puerto Ricans Ricans Ricans and and and

chicks chicks chicks on on on chicks,

chicks, chicks, including including

including vegans, vegans, vegans,

transgenders transgenders transgenders

and and and retarding. retarding.

retarding. It It It doesn't doesn't

doesn't matter matter matter because

because because today today today we're

we're we're all all all lazy lazy lazy

Irish Irish Irish mix. mix. mix.

Freak fast.

Listen Listen Listen to to to that that

that music, music, music, it it it sounds

sounds sounds so so so inclusive

inclusive. inclusive. anywhere. Dragon

Training. I.

Thousands Thousands of of of freaky

freaky freaky lesbians, lesbians

lesbians, ******* ******* ******* and in

and Puerto Puerto Puerto Ricans Ricans

Ricans have have have come come come out

out out for for for this this this

historic historic historic celebration.

celebration. celebration. A A A g*y g*y

g*y historic historic historic q*eer

q*eer q*eer abrasion, abrasion, abrasion,

if if if you you you will, will, will,

which which which has has has now now now

crossed crossed crossed both both both

racial racial racial and and and state

state state lines. lines. lines. From

From From Washington Washington

Washington to to to Virginia Virginia

Virginia to to to Texas, Texas, Texas,

the the the whole whole whole country

country country is is is coming coming

coming out out out to to to let let let

their their their freak freak freak flags

flags flags fly. fly. fly. I guess I I

there's guess guess no there's there's no

no reason reason reason to to to hide

hide hide these these these babies babies

babies anymore. anymore. anymore. WooHoo.

I I I I I don't know don't don't how know

know much how how more much of much this

more more I of of could this this take.

Don't. I I could could take. take. Don't

Don't Don't worry, worry, worry, we're

we're we're almost almost almost there.

there. there.

That's That's That's it. it. it. Keep

Keep Keep partying, partying, partying,

ladies. ladies. ladies.

Hey, Hey, Hey, let let let us us us out

out out of of of here. here. here. Can't

Can't Can't do do do this. this. this.

This This This is is is not not not good.

good. good. Have Have Have fun fun fun in

in in Mexico. Mexico. Mexico. That's

That's That's the the the real real real

donkey donkey donkey show. show. show.

Well, Well, Well, little little little

Karl Karl Karl Rove Rove Rove plan plan

plan worked worked worked perfectly.

perfectly. perfectly. Not Not Not only

only only did did did we we we get get

get rid rid rid of of of the the the

little little little Dems, Dems, Dems,

but but but we'll we'll we'll never never

never have have have to to to share share

share St. St. St. Patricks Patricks

Patricks Day Day Day with with with

anybody anybody anybody again. again.

again. Except Except Except all all all

those those those lousy lousy lousy mix.

mix. mix. But But But that's that's

that's a a a battle battle battle for for

for next next next year. year. year. You

You You know, know, know, turned turned

turned out out out there there there

really really really was was was a a a

pot pot pot of of of gold gold gold at at

at the the the end end end of of of the

the the rainbow rainbow rainbow parade.

parade. parade. And And And that that

that pot pot pot of of of gold gold gold

is is is you you you guys. guys. guys. Oh

Oh Oh wow, wow, wow, little little little

George, George, George, that's that's

that's really really really 3. sweet.

sweet. That's That's That's not not not

me. me. me. Little Little Little Karl

Karl Karl Rove Rove Rove is is is

controlling controlling controlling my my

my brain. brain. brain.

I've I've Gotta got got to to get get get

out out out more. more. more.

This This This is is is the the the best

best best liver liver liver and and and

onions onions onions I've I've I've ever

ever ever had. had. had. Let's Let's

Let's just just just say say say it's

it's it's a a a recipe recipe recipe

close close close to to to bars bars bars

heart. heart. heart. Have Have Have the

these these Saint Saint Saint Patrick's

Patrick's Patrick's Day. Day. Day.

Everybody Everybody Everybody has has,

has, my my my frankly frankly frankly

Irish Irish Irish lass. lass. lass.

All All All right, right, right, let's

let's let's get get started. started.

started. Little Little Well, Romney,

rummy, Rami, why why why don't don't

don't you you you sit sit sit down?down?

down?Sunburn. Sunburn.

Why Why Why are are are you you you still

still still wearing wearing wearing

those? those? those? They're They're

They're the the the only only only pants

pants pants I I I own. own. own. Well,

Well, Well, that's that's that's the the

luck luck luck of of of the the the Irish

Irish Irish for for for you. you. you.

Where Where Where are are are the the the

little little little Dems Dems Dems

anyway? anyway? anyway? You You know You

know how know how Saint how Saint Patrick

Patrick Saint drove drove Patrick all all

drove the the all snakes snakes out the

out of snakes of Ireland? out Ireland?

Well, of Well, I Ireland? I drove Well,

drove out out I some some snakes drove

snakes of out of my some own. my snakes

That's own. of very That's my good, very

own. Little good, George. That's Little

You very George. did You good, learn did

Little something. learn George. Nope.

something. You I Nope. did didn't I have

learn didn't to. something. have So Nope.

to. the I So way didn't the I way have

see I to. it, see So someday it, people

the someday are way people going I are to

see going learn it, to from someday learn

me. people from me. are going to learn

from me. Remind me in the Reminding Well,

future me hell. and Well. And And that's

that's that's the the the story story

story of of of the the the very very very

first. first. first. Saint Saint Saint

Cronies Cronies Cronies Day Day Day and

and and whatever whatever whatever

happened happened happened to to to the

the the little Little Little Downs?

Downs? Downs? I See. See. see? And And

And they they they formed formed formed

their their their own own own nation

nation nation and and and lived lived

lived happily happily happily ever ever

ever after after after for for for about

about about 3 3 3 months months months

when when when they they they were were

were all all all brutally brutally

brutally slaughtered slaughtered

slaughtered by by by another another

another Great Great Great American

American American hero. hero. hero.

That's That's That's a a a story story

story that that that will will will have

have have to to to wait wait wait for for

for Saint Saint Saint Cheneys Cheneys

Cheneys Day. Day. Day.

I'm I'm I'm a a a man man man with with

with a a a plan. plan. plan. I'm I'm a a

a treasure treasure trove. trove. trove.

Tell Tell Tell me, me, me, what's what's

my my my name? name? name? My My My name

name name is is is Vince, Vince Nancy

bro. Rose. Rose. I I I got got got my my

my mind mind mind on on on my my my robe

robe robe and and and my my my robe robe

robe on on on my my my troll. troll.

trove. It's It's It's road road Road to

to to Rover Rover Rover. trove trove.

Trove to To to Rover Rover Rover Troll.

trove. Troll. It's It's It's robe. robe.

robe. I I I believe believe believe I I I

can could could robe. robe. roll. I I I

believe believe believe I I I could could

could touch touch cut the the throw.

troll. troll. Oh Oh Oh my my my God God

God it it it is is is a a a troll. troll.

troll. I'm I'm I'm telling telling

telling y'all y'all y'all it's it's it's

a a a roving roving roving troll. troll.

troll.