01x06 - Haunted House / Hot Dog

[bunniefuu]

I want to take a moment to recognize Mr.

Barry Bonds. Now here's a guy who

understands that just because you cheat

to win, that doesn't mean you didn't win.

Well, that's my motto. Keep swinging for

the fences, America.

Tonight's episode, the one where.

I forgot, watch it yourself.

This is awesome. You've hacked into the

e-mail accounts of all the little Dems.

Yeah, I learned how by hacking into my

dad's E calendar so I can check on the

daisies. Going to beat me sometime. We

should really talk about your

relationship with your father. Oh, that'd

be great. Sometimes I just feel so alone.

Not now, Romney. We we got emails to

read. And soon we'll have transcripts to

read from Little Cheney's wiretapping

program. So what do you think, Bill?

Oh sure, Hell, you can wear my pants.

Ramarak got the old communication. I

never thought I'd say this, but invading

people's privacy actually makes reading

fun.

Man, I just love ketchup so much. Then

why don't you marry it? Maybe I will.

Hey, hey, you should say the Jay packed

little bill just sent to the Lewinsky

twins. What are you talking about? Well,

let's just say little Bill's politics

aren't the only thing that been to the

left. Ramp, Bubba. Plump. You've tapped

our emails. This is an outrage. Wow,

John, I've never heard you so mad. Well,

if you've done nothing wrong, then you

got nothing to be scared of. That's why I

ain't scared of nothing. Except giraffes.

They're long necks. Just ain't natural.

That's weird. If you're so brave, why

don't you spend the night in the attic of

the White House? And why would I do that?

You don't know. Of course I do. Now tell

me. OK. It all happened the day the

founding father signed the. Institution.

Well, we're done here now. The country

should run smoothly with no problems for

thousands of years. What do you say we

headed to my lake house? Awesome. All had

the sl*ves start packing up the boat. So

they headed up to Franklin's place on

Crystal Lake. That's when things started

to go terribly wrong. The 1st to go was

Sam Adams.

Now that is a nutty mix of wheat and

hops.

They couldn't sign their way out of the

horror that befell them. These wax sealed

scrolls are coming from inside the house.

The last to be horribly m*rder*d was Ben

Franklin, who was right in the middle of

inventing an early form of Viagra. Oh,

get ready baby. All I have to do is get

some lightning to hit this kite and then

the red codes won't be the only ones

coming.

From that day on, they vowed to haunt the

attic of the White House. For some

reason, that doesn't scare me. Then we

dare you guys to sleep in the White House

attic tonight. No problem. I don't think

that's a good idea. You know, I was born

with an inability to tell a good idea

from a bad idea. Now, come on. A dare is

a dare.

Well, it's almost 630. I think I could do

about 10 minutes of the wheel. After

that, the only valves I'll be buying are

Z's. You kids have fun sleeping in the

terrifying attic.

Ram around, Ghost. Ferrara. Yeah. You

sure this is a good idea,

little George? Yeah. There's there's

nothing to be afraid of after

you caught. Hey. See, this ain't

so bad.

Hey little George, look at this old

ghost story I found. It's called the

Constitution. It says that there should

be separation of church and state.

That only Congress has the power to

declare w*r.

The government should be run with a

series of checks and ballots, says AH.

Get out of here rammer. Too pretty todie.

We are the ghosts of the FoundingFathers.

Psychs.

Shinkies. He's right. It's Ben Franklin,

Sam Adams, John Hancock, Thomas Jefferson

and the Headless Go from George

Washington. Your actions defy the

Constitution. You and your family have to

stop trampling on the words that this

country was founded on. Oh, wait a

minute. You're the dude on my lounge.

Bills Ram around. All about the Benjamin.

Ram around. That's right.

Hey, where's Marie Antoinette going?

Look at that, George help. What in

the world Bar? It's 8:30 at night. This

would better be good. That creature was

trying to take my head. The ghost of

George Washingtons headless corps. I knew

this day would come. You get lost Mr. Try

to get some rest here.

Now we're going to do to you

what you and your family have been

doing to the Bill of Rights. Yeah,

just got ignored. No, we're going to

trample you.



Mommy's hands while she's in bed.

But if they're not careful,

we're gonna have to send

them to Guantanamo. No one

will ever know. We're a

lot like scooby-doo, but without

the tiny Jew.

Climbing in the canoe. Shampoo

a kangaroo.

So little change can break

up the wireless naps don't

move back.

A little You're gonna get

a Cheney snack unless you

have a heart attack.

Now what? A God's green **** is going on.

Oh, George, are you violating the no fly

zone over my wreck? Ram around low

hanging fruit. OK, OK, that's enough.

Now, what is going on here? It's 9:00 in

the middle of the night. Little Cheney is

molesting my wife again. There's a black

kid in my bed. Yeah, Bob, there's a bunch

of ghosts up there trying to get us.

Well, it certainly is an odd night. Now,

I can barely function if I don't get a a

solid 17. So let's all try to get some

rest now. Wait, little George, this

piece of the ghost shirt says it was

made this year from all recycled

materials. I'm around union label.

Ramara. Are you thinking what I'm

thinking? That we should get some tacos?

No, that those founding fathers are

really founding phonies. I would have

said phony fathers, but either way is

cool. Oh, wait a minute, g*ng. I'm

getting a funny feeling those ghosts

aren't the real deal. Are you getting

that feeling Because me and little Rummy

just said it. Yep. Now let's go bust

those ghosts the best way we know how.

ill*gal wiretapping. Oh my, I hope there

aren't any ghosts up there. Yeah, ghosts

make me so afraid. You're going to wish

you never raised the dead.

Good job training

snack. Now it's

time to unmask these Continental Con men

and find out who really founded the

United States.

The little Democrats. I should have

known. We were just trying to teach you a

lesson about trampling on our civil

liberties. We were hoping you'd be so

afraid of the White House that you'd

never want to grow up and become

president. Yeah. And then maybe me or Al

could.

Well, I guess we all learned an important

lesson. Would you have to tap my phones

or read my emails to tell me what it was?

Who's up for some milk and cookies?

I was just talking to the little

Republicans, but I do have one question

for the little Dems. Which one of you

played the headless George Washington?

But none of us was playing

George Washington.

Let's roll. Some commercials.

Tonight's episode, The one where I bring

hot dogs back. Oh wait, that's a

different one.

Why?Breakfast is ready. No breakfast for

me today. It's hot dog day. I got to

save space for all the HD's I'm going to

eat at lunchtime. HD stands for hot dogs.

Said I'm done there. Did you hear that?

He's so clever. Well, he is smarter than

his brother who appears to be eating his

ball. Jeff, you've got to remember

to stop eating when the food runs out.

And it is hard.

Mom Pop, Ashokan, what do we do?

I can't catch him.

Nice shot there bar. My goodness, it

feels like my head is simply reeling.

The blow to my cerebral cortex must have

opened a neurological path to my

occipital lobe. Either that or when mom

hits you with the frying pan, you got

undone. That's not funny.

It's like a sitcom joke from 1980. What

you talking about, Willis?

All right, it's time for school. I can't

go to school in this purple and green. I

look like a special needs kid.

You guys just laugh at everything. What's

wrong with you people?

This guys good.

Oh, brownies. Nothing compliments a hot

dog like a brownie. You're doing a heck

of a job, brownie. You're talking to your

food, kid, huh? Where you're doing a heck

of a job too, brownie. Get it, Brownie?

Because your skin color, it's different,

not the same as mine. You want a falafel

or not? What you talking about? Giant

female Willis?

Where's the hot dogs at? No hot dog

day anymore. The state is mandated that

we have a more multicultural menu. Today

we're having falafel from the Middle

East. No, this injustice will not stand.

You cannot spread democracy at the point

of a g*n. Well, it's not so simple. Say

nothing is simple when you're precious

oil companies are involved. Quit pointing

out holes in your father's foreign

policy. Now let's take you upstairs and

give you your flea dip. I'm not a dog,

but it would be nice to get rid of

these fleas. All right, g*ng, we got to

figure out how to bring Hot Dog Day back.

We could talk with the principal I don't

negotiate with. We should just burn the

school down fire walk with me. But then

we'd have nowhere to eat hot dogs.

Oh, wait a minute. I know how to get

our hot dogs back. Let me be frank. I've

got a sausage gesture I think you'll

relish. It's a real Weiner. You following

or do you need to catch up? Hey, little

George, what about mustard?

OK, not mustard. Now let's go down to

that school and convince our friends in

the cafeteria to bring back Hot Dog Day

the best way we know how. You mean with

a great song? Nope. An extraordinary

rendition.

I tortured romance again.



Attention, children, From now on, every

day will be hot Dog day.

Just hold on a second, little Mikey

Moore. Why can't you let sleep in Hot

dogs lie? I've got video of what you

and your cronies have been up to. I'll

reveal it all tomorrow when I show my

new documentary Frankfurter 911. Is this

another boring movie that only features

you? This one isn't just me. I have

an exclusive tell all interview with his

brother Jeb Bush.

Round, round. Round A2 jab. Round, round,

round.

You know, you can't say you represent the

people if you don't even know at a

supermarket scanner is saves like some

kind of weird voodoo. No, that's your

economics policy. That's enough, young

man. Little George, Are you ready for

school? Well, I'm not going to school

today. Why not? Because stupid smart Jeb

snitched on me and now there's going to

be a huge scandal. We do not reveal each

other's scandals in this family. Wouldn't

it be easier to just not have scandals?

Whose whose side is this?Did you

have an affair with Michael Dukakis? I

did let Duke ride the tank once.

But he was wearing a helmet.

Now, what's this all about here, little

George? Well, we were just having some

fun with the cafeteria staff blowing off

some steam. Or like a frat prank. You

know, just a few bad apples. Well, he is

old enough now to hide his own scandals.

I just remember the three things I taught

you first and I then cover up. And as a

last resort, blame it on little Rummy.

Very good, young man. Why can't you be

more like your brother here? This is

institutionalized corruption. All right.

Dang it. I think this whole smart Jeb

thing has gone far enough. Barbara, call

that behavioral specialist I worked with

in the CIA. Last time I checked, it was

OK to disagree. In this country, that's

what it means to be an American. Only the

Republican Party can decide what it means

to be an American. Well, George, you

handle your scandal and I'll handle this

one. Yeah, bar

grab the boy.

You're used to dirty rats and ********

being in your hot dogs. Now meet the ones

behind them. Dang it. We got to act fast.

Oh, come on, g*ng. Let's do this thing.

What is this thing, Little George? I

don't know yet, Little Rummy. I'm trying

to listen to my gut. Wait, hold on. It's

trying to say something.

My gut is saying.

And I think that means take our friend

little Mikey Moore for a sit down. Either

that or eat some potato chips just to be

safe. Let's do both. Thanks for

coming there, Nigel. It's boys a tough

case. Leave it to me, Mr. President.

So are you here to teach me? No,

I'm here to unteach you. That's not even

a word. Exactly. It's an unword. And I'll

be unteaching you a lot more of them.

Let me tell you about it. With an

unsong. Oh, I love music. Well, we won't

be hearing any because it's an unsung. Do

you Der stand? Don't you mean understand?

Now you're getting it, huh?

The rain in Spain stays mainly in

the plains. No, you're still not saying

it right. The correct answer is.

I also would have accepted soiling

yourself. This is inhuman

that we're holding you against your will.

Know that you're eating delicious potato

chips in front of me without sharing. I'm

afraid we can't let you show your movie

The way it is. That censorship. You can't

ban my movie. You're right. You know,

ever since we brought hot dogs back,

there's an awful lot of Middle Eastern

food that's going to go to waste.

I hate to bully you around. I

hope you don't falafel about this from

now on. Maybe you'll hummus a new

tune. What about mustard?

You're tougher than I gave you credit

for, but this should do the trick. What

are you going to do to me? Remember that

part of A Clockwork Orange where they

erased his brain? Yeah, I remember that

scene. Well, you won't. After I erase

your brain, you're going to force me to

watch a brainwashing film? Yes. And if

that doesn't work, I also rented

Sleepless in Seattle. No.

Oh hey g*ng, little Monkey Moore wanted

me to introduce this film for you. I hope

you enjoy this expose on me and the guy.

Usually behind this door, hard working

immigrants are making nutritious meals

for our nation's school children. But

yesterday, something so fun, something so

utterly fun. Something that can only be

described as fun, fun, fun. But don't

take it from me, the great fat

windbag. Mikey Moore, take a look at

the video for yourself. OK you guys,

you better hide. I'm coming to find

you. I love playing hide and seek.

Snuggle. Pile a few bad apples. This

is consensual. Now I think you'll be

surprised what Jeb Bush has to reveal

about his family. Jab go ahead, I think

that who cares what I have to say. Check

out this video by my brothers awesome

rock band Woo.

You've done it again, little

George. Hello, Oscar. And hello

Oscar Meyer.

Hey mom Pop, I took care of my scandal

that a boy. Now did you deny cover up or

blame it on rummy? Well, even better dad.

I came up with a new way. It's a

combination of censorship and t*rture. I

call it the Patriot Act. Good

job, son. Sir, I'm afraid he's too far

gone. There's nothing I can do, thank

you. And there's nothing any of you can

do once I tell the New York Times. What

kind of parents?

You. That's your take,

Bump.

It's good to have your backside.

Look at that right on the carpet.

And now a post show press conference with

little George. All right, guys, let's

hurry up while my Ritalins kicking in.

Are you? Do you really think your use of

t*rture was justified? Run away, Jones.

Who says we tortured anybody? I checked

with my good buddy little Alberto

Gonzalez, and he says it wasn't t*rture.

As long as we don't call it t*rture. And

we're not. So it's not. But Sir, some of

these techniques could only be called

t*rture. Your questions are t*rture.

They're torturing me now. Don't make me

send you to. CIA black site.

And do we get to keep backing? It's in

black, but can we keep talking? Yeah. Do

they just. Can we do like the 10 minute

extra thing like on the movie? We should.

We should we should 10 minutes. Yeah.

What movie was that, Chris?Cameron Crowe

and. Amy Hecker, let's get

Mike in here. Talk about Scientology. All

right. Seriously, though, is there

anything anyone missed? Wants to talk

about mentioned? Yeah. Just thanks to

everybody supporting the show. My special

lady friend actually is really like,

loves you now because she's a very big

fan of the Sex Pistols. And you covered

them on the first episode. That's an

episode. This is. She's like, really

like, in love with Chris, has a lady

friend. That's what I heard.

And you can now take her out today.

Because of this show. Exactly. Yeah,

exactly. It was really fun doing little

homages to all of our favorite music and

super fun show. Glad a few people out

there like it. Keep watching. I want to

say that I've said this to you personally

before, but I want to say it, you know,

for the record, that done it didn't have

to keep us in the cast when it went to

Comedy Central. They could have, you

know, recast everything and they didn't.

And it's obviously made a huge difference

for us. Career. Absolutely so so I've

said it to you personally. I'm going to

say it to you publicly on the record.

Thank you for. Well, it's certainly a

test. I mean you guys are both very

talented and and bring a lot to the parts

and you know, if if you didn't, then he

wouldn't come along, but we still

appreciate that. We don't you know, it's

not you guys are both great guys. It's

not just because of that, it's you're

very talented and bring a lot to the

show. So thank you. Well, thanks, we

appreciate the answer. We had to keep me.

I mean, honestly, I know it's like let's

wax each other's cars time, but. It

really is a pleasure to work on the show

because everybody is is truly a delight.

And I can't think of anything else that

I've ever worked in with, whether it be

an office or anything production related,

where people were so nice and talented

and good and and so chill. You know, I

don't want to take this opportunity to

say screw all of you guys, I hate this

show and I quit. Yeah.

Screw you. Ladies

and gentlemen, that's Opus. Moresky has

left the building. Beer #50 it's only a

matter of time. James, don't drink. James

Egan walked out about two weeks ago

saying and tonight's episode, the role of

Opus Moresky will be played by Adolf

Hitler. And the Oscar goes too. Over

here. Mom, you want to say something? No.

Can't remember the name. Jay. What are

you gonna say? We've talked over Jay. I

was going to say and scene. Any special

ladies you want to talk to?

No. All right,

mom, special gent out there. Oh no, this

is getting a little uncomfortable now.

Okay, great. I don't even how about how

about a how to a big thank you to

all the ******* out there. Yeah and West

side especially my wife Kim and Gary was

music supervisor. Well, I can say to my

to my ex fiance, thank you for nothing.

In fact, thank you for not being here and

allowing me to do this for full time. So

thanks to all the ladies. Thanks Melanie.

Bye everybody. Bye, bye, bye. See you

next season. Bye.