08x03 - Only Mime Will Tell/The Winning Spirit

[bunniefuu]

♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like ping pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪

♪ In the Loud House In the Loud House ♪

♪ Duck, dodge, push and shove That's how we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House In the Loud House ♪

♪ One boy, ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

♪ Loud House♪

♪ Loud, Loud House ♪

Poo-poo!

[dramatic piano music playing]

[school bell rings]

[whimsical music playing]

Now, that is how you mime, girls.

I can feel the weight of that punching bag in my very soul.

Don't forget to bend those legs, Spencer.

Here, let me show you.

I'll take the medicine ball... [pants, grunts]

All right, people, warm ups are over.

Gather round.

Welcome to the varsity mime tryouts.

Those of you who succeed will receive their varsity berets.

[magical music plays]

This beret shows that you are among the elite

of the silent arts community.

The best of the best.

So let the tryouts commence.

Places, people!

Act one of our two-act tryout is the physical test.

Students who complete the obstacle course

in under five minutes will advance.

On your marks...

Get set...

Go!

And they're off.

Ruby leads the pack,

but Spencer is skating his way up the outside.

Oh, the drama.

[grunts] Time for the wind fan.

Ah, an umbrella. Way to commit, Shannon.

[grunts] Oh, no.

I seemed to have spilled this very slick barrel of oil.

[laughs]

[gasps] Gasp! Watch out for that wall.

[thud]

Why, that's no wall. It's a box.

A Bernardo bait and switch.

[clicks]

[clangs]

-[panting] -And time!

Bravo! [chuckles]

[panting]

[stomach rumbles]

[Spencer vomits]

Something tells me that was not mimed.

Now that you've all passed the physical test,

it's time for the mental one.

Your challenge is to remain silent for the rest of the day.

Now, according to the rules

of the Official Mime Code Book...

[grunting]

Benny, a little help?

[grunts]

That means "no texting, writing,

or communicating in any form other than mime."

So good luck and goodbye.

[Dad] Heya, kiddo!

We're off to the restaurant

for the big lobster boil tonight.

There's a good shell-ection on the menu.

[chuckles]

[mouthing laughter]

Oh, you're trying out a silent laugh? Cool.

Bye, sweetie! Miss you too!

[groans] Oh!

Get it off, get it off!

[gasps] I'm coming, buddy.

Lynn, hold still!

-[clangs] -[Kotaro] Whoops!

I'm ready to take your order, ma'am.

[engine starts]

-[door opens] -[Lola] Luan!

I need to practice my hairstyling on someone

for the Little Miss Safety Scissors Pageant.

What do you say?

[whimsical music plays]

You're saying your ponytail is outdated

and you need a new hairdo?

Couldn't agree more.

Let's go!

Lola Loud, what can't you do?

She's speechless.

A reaction all too common for moi.

[grunt nearby]

Heyo! I need someone to help me with my deadlift set

before my pre-workout wears off. Can one of you spot me?

Actually, you can spot me leaving this conversation.

How about it, Luan?

You need to... build up those noodle arms?

Ah! Couldn't agree more. Let's do this.

[breathes heavily]

[grunts]

[screams]

I can lift anything! Thanks for the spot, Luan.

[grunts]

Who wants to be a test subject for my experiment?

Love the enthusiasm, Luan. Follow me.

[huffs] Luan, I don't have time for tomfoolery.

Todd, if you please...

[Lisa] Thank you, willing participant.

Todd and I are testing the limitations of the human body.

In just a few moments,

you'll experience a series of harsh

and extreme conditions.

There's a mic inside the pod,

so just give me a shout

if anything becomes too intense.

Capisce?

Todd, proceed.

Commencing phase one, sub-zero temperatures.

Phase two, desert-like conditions.

Fascinating. Not a proverbial peep.

Time to crank it up a notch, Todd.

Let's get this party started.

[crackles]

[wind gusting]

[female voice] Test complete.

[Lisa] Incredible.

Now, let's just do that one more time

to confirm the results,

and you'll be on your wa-- Huh?

Ugh, why do they always run away?

[Mom] Kids, anyone want to join me at the mall?

Gotta make a few returns.

[excited chatter]

I'll take that as a yes.

Lynn, please put Vanzilla down.

[phone rings]

[Deb] Mr. Loud, Fish Lady Deb here.

Listen, we've got a crustacean situation.

I just found out that lobster I sold you this morning

went bad sometime over the Long Island Sound.

It's just so hard to tell, you know?

It all smells like fish.

Anywhoose, make sure nobody eats that lobster

if you're catchin' my drift.

Vomit face emoji.

[suspenseful piano music playing]

[people coughing]

No wait, please, please! Come back!

[sobs]

I'm ruined!

If only someone had given me the message!

[sobs]

[whistling]

Don't make eye contact. Maybe she'll go away.

[sighs] What do you want?

I'm not in the mood for charades, Loud.

What is it, you need-- What, a ride?

Oh! To a restaurant?

Well, I guess I could nosh. All right, hop in.

Where to?

[sighs] Great. More games.

You're kidding me. No Burpin' Burger either?

You've said no to three restaurants already.

Well, I don't know what you want, but I'm having this.

[male voice] Welcome to the Burpin' Burger.

How can I help you?

Still deciding. Hmm...

Let's see.

Double Belcher Combo sounds good,

but do I want that with Chips or Fried Reflux Rings?

Ehh... Maybe you should go first, Loud.

[Mr. Grouse] Huh?

Waiter! Where are the lobsters?

Despite my youthful appearance, I ain't getting any younger.

[gasps] Luan! What are you doing?

Uh... right. Can you just talk to me?

'Cause I don't know what you're trying to say.

Huh! You may not like my lobster,

but plenty of other people do.

[dramatic music playing]

[alarm rings]

[slurps] Ahh!

[customers gasp]

Hey! What the what?

Luan, cut that out. What are you doing?

Hey!

Oh, thank you, dear boy.

-Luan, stop! -Let go, missy.

I got you, pooky!

Oh, magnificent!

-[gasping] -Hey!

Hey! What are you doing?

Ahh!

Mrs. B! Don't eat that lobster!

It's gone bad!

[gasps] Huh?

[sniffs]

[groans]

[all groan]

Luan! Do you know what you've just done?

[sighs] Yes. I spoke.

I broke the cardinal rule of miming.

And now I'm breaking it again by telling you about it.

I guess I'm not cut out for the varsity team.

[sobbing]

Dear sweet baby child, what are you talking about?

Let me read you something from the Mime Code Book.

Lucky for you, I never leave home without it.

[grunts]

All right, let's see...

Ah! Here it is.

"Mimes are to remain silent at all times,

unless another person is put in harm's way."

Luan, you didfollow the rules!

You spoke to save me. You're a hero!

And definitely worthy of this.

Your varsity beret!

-I'm on the team? -Of course!

Oh! I am so proud of you, kiddo.

And thank you for saving my behind.

Well, I guess all of our behinds.

Lynnsagna on the house for everyone!

[customers] Yay! Whoo!

Now, let's get to school. It's almost rehearsal time.

Oh! Hailing a cab. Excellent idea.

Cabbie, Royal Woods High School. And step on it.

Hey, how did they get a cab so quickly?

[bombastic marching band music playing]

[girl] Hup! Hup! Hup!

[exhales sharply]

Congrats, kiddo, you passed.

All right, so just one of you left

to take the Physical Fitness Exam.

-And thus the nightmare begins. -[thunder rumbles]

[grunts] Whoa, whoa...

[all grunting]

Oof!

[grunts]

[whistle blows]

[sighs]

So, the bad news is you failed the test.

The good news is I'll let you try again tomorrow.

The other bad news is that's your last shot.

If you blow it, you don't pass the fourth grade.

But look on the bright side,

I could be your gym teacher for the rest of your life.

[echoing] ...for the rest of your life.

...the rest of your life.

...the rest of your life.

..., .

[coughing]

-[whistle blows] -Okay, everybody.

You're gonna wanna clear out.

Kindergarten gymnastics is starting

and believe me, it is sheer chaos.

I'm mortified.

How did all of you pass the exam and not me?

All I can say is thank goodness

for those SS Fun Time samba classes.

[samba music plays]

And Boris is aerodynamic because of his hollow bones.

There must be some way to help you pass, Lucy.

What about your sister, Lynn? Isn't she "sporty"?

Too sporty, I'm afraid.

She'd make me do torturous things, like sit-ups.

[laughing maniacally]

No, I need something fast and easy.

And that means doing what The Morticians Club does best.

[all] Magic!

Complaining.

Both answers are valid, but I meant magic.

Ooh, I'm lovin' your new spellbook, Persephone.

Nothing like real dragon leather.

A birthday gift from my parents.

It came in the Sassy Sorceress kit.

[in unison] Ooh!

It looks like the first ingredient

for the athletic potion is the hair of a cat,

for nimbleness.

[hisses]

[hisses in pain]

[groaning]

A weightlifter's yell, for strength.

[shrieking voice]

[Boris] Curse these hollow bones.

A whoopee cushion, for greater lung capacity.

[flatulence]

Now it says dip a pair of running shoes in the potion

and then put them on.

Ow.

After those shoes.

[panting]

And they're off to the laces.

This next plan should be foolproof.

If I make you older, you won't be in fourth grade.

Hence, you won't have to take the test.

[all gasp]

Wah.

Whoops, wrong direction.

Whoops, too far.

I have to pee before you change me back.

Can't hold it like I used to.

Just one drink of this "memory-begone" potion

and Coach will forget that you need to take the test.

[whistling]

Mmm...

Um, Persephone, didn't you read this label?

"May cause dizziness or lizardness."

[all gasp]

Next year I'm asking for cash for my birthday.

[panting]

Hear me out, what if we don't turn Coach back?

No test for me, he suns himself on a rock all day.

Win-win.

Sigh. Worth a shot.

There he goes!

Careful, Dante.

You knocked down this old photograph of "Speedy Edie."

Hmm. This says that Edie won these trophies

as a student here back in the s.

She went on to become a famous multi-sport athlete.

Gasp. I know how to fix my problem.

Everyone, to the cemetery. Away.

We should probably change Coach P back first.

And soon.

Oh, dear Edie, thou art so speedy.

I beg thee, come, for I am needy.

[Edie exclaims]

That's gotta be my fastest sprint

from the afterlife yet.

Which one of you guys was clocking me?

'Kay. No one. Great.

So, Bangs, what's up?

I need you to take over my body

and pass my school fitness exam for me.

I'd be eternally grateful.

What're we talkin'?

A hundred-mile course, pushups,

climb the side of a high-rise building?

Swing a bat, kick a ball, and jump through tires.

Wow, what has physical fitness come to in this town?

Well, I'm always up to stretch my haunted hammies.

Edie's in, literally.

Okay, test time.

Sorry. I don't know why I keep doing that.

[grunts]

[applause]

Thanks for helping me pass, Edie.

You were amazing.

That's why they call me Speedy.

That and 'cause I talk fast. And eat fast. And drive fast.

And do everything fast.

Matter of fact, I hold the state record

for fastest time in long distance running.

Is that fast, or is that fast?

[Haiku] Not fast enough.

-Someone beat your record. -What?

Well, how can that be, magic hand box of knowledge?

Well, we're just gonna have to fix that.

Otherwise, those wise guys in the afterlife

will never let me forget it. Bangs!

You have to let me possess you again so I can beat the record.

Sorry, but I've had enough exercise and possession

to last all my lives, past and present.

Oh, I get it.

Thanks to Edie, you pass the fourth grade.

And what do I get in return?

A big... [blows a raspberry]

It's fine. I'll spend an eternity haunted by shame.

And when I float by, they'll laugh.

They'll say, "There she goes, 'At a Modest Pace Edie.'"

[sobbing]

-Fine. I'll do it. -Attagirl, Bangs!

Now, if we're gonna break the record,

I gotta get you in tip-top, tippity-top condition.

This isn't a two-bit kiddie fitness test.

Long distance running requires intense training starting now.

Whoa.

[panting]

Next!

[panting]

Next!

Whew! [grunting]

[exhales sharply]

Huh?

Sigh.

This will help you achieve maximum speed

by strengthening your tushy.

[animals grunting]

[snorts]

I ain't askin' no questions.

When a glowin' ghost lady says get on the tractor,

you get on the tractor.

[effort grunting]

Is that all you got, Bangs?

[grunts]

Now that's what I’m talkin' about!

I'd say it's time to go break that record.

Let's do it!

Alarmed yell.

-[crashes] -[animals grunting]

They've been running since dawn.

Lucy must be dead tired by now.

Look, she approaches.

[panting]

[groans]

We missed beating the record by four seconds.

Well, Bangs, we'll just have to hit the training even harder.

Come on! Let's see some hustle! We got a lot of work to do.

I can't do this anymore. Your training is t*rture.

But you said you'd help!

And I haven't broken the record yet.

Sorry.

[sighs] I hate to do this to you

but I am as desperate as I am speedy.

If you don't help me, I'll tell your coach

you didn't take the fitness exam yourself.

And that means fourth grade forever.

[evil laugh]

Great. Blackmailed by a ghost.

I guess this is what I get for cheating in the first place.

Hey. Where you goin', Bangs?

To make this right.

Let me get this straight.

You wanna redo the test because last time you cheated

by having the ghost of a s athlete possess your body?

Eh, I've heard weirder.

Okay, knock yourself out, Loud.

Here goes nothing. [inhales deeply]

[pants]

Congratulations, Lucy.

-You passed all on your own. -Thanks.

I guess all that training with Edie helped.

[Edie] You're welcome, Bangs.

So, no hard feelings

about me not helping you break the record?

No way. I ended up finding somebody

who was more than happy to help me.

With my speed and his hollow bones,

we'll be unbeatable.

Boris is going to be a champion!

[Boris crashes]

♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud House Loud House ♪

♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud House Loud House ♪

♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is In the Loud House ♪