07x16 - An Inspector Falls/One in a Million

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- [groans]

Where is Mrs. Bernardo?

The cast list for "The Case of the Missing Corgi"

should be up by now.

- Mm, I can't wait to find out who gets to play the lead,

Detective Agatha Mystery.

- Fellow thespians, it is I.

Now, without further ado, the cast list.

Ha ha!

[triumphant music]

[everyone gasps]

[all panting] - Ah!

Oh.

- [laughing]

Ah, sorry, Ed!

- [groans] This is my favorite suede uniform.

Oh.

[overlapping chatter] - Out of the way!

- Let me see! - Watch it!

- Oh, my gosh. I'm Agatha Mystery!

[all straining]

- Congratulations, Luan.

Not only did you have the best audition,

but you already embody the qualities

of a real detective.

Why, just last week, you solved the mystery

of my missing lunch bag.

When you smelled egg salad,

you cleverly deduced that I was sitting on it.

- Ah, gee, thanks, Mrs. B.

I won't let you down.

- Aw, I wanted to be Gertrude.

Why do I always get cast as a mulberry bush?

- Not just any mulberry bush,

the lead mulberry bush!

- Cool! I'm the corgi.

- Looks like I'm Gertrude, Agatha's faithful sidekick.

With the two of us on the case, we won't miss anything.

- "The Case of the Missing Corgi,"

act one, scene one, and action!

- Whoo-hoo! Break a leg, Amy baby!

- [giggles]

- [clears throat]

- Good evening, Detective.

I'm here on behalf of the queen.

Her beloved corgi has gone missing!

- Sounds like quite the conundrum.

- Blimey, sir!

Have you checked the royal dog park?

- Don't be ridiculous, Gertrude.

No dog thief worth his salt

would hide a canine in a dog park.

- Ay, milady.

That's why they pay you the big pounds.

- [gasps] - Aah!

- Cut! - Amy-kins!

Are you okay?

- I think so.

Ooh, it's just my toe.

That sandbag came out of nowhere.

[mysterious music]

- That's weird. The rope's been cut.

- Hmm. [gasps]

And look, up in the rafters.

Someone left behind scissors.

I'm beginning to suspect that this was no accident at all.

[both gasp]

- [gasps]

- I do have my share of nemeses.

- Well, then it looks like we have

a real-life mystery on our hands.

And, Luan, with your natural detective skills,

you're the perfect person to solve it.

- Don't worry.

I'm on the case.

- I'll help.

- [barks, pants]

- Uh, Benny?

- Just staying in character. [laughs sheepishly]

- Off to investigate your first nemesis.

- Ed the janitor's had it out for me

since I knocked paint on his suede coveralls.

- Huh. It looks like he's not here.

- Hm, suspicious.

Maybe he's on the lam.

- Mm, unlikely.

His car keys are still here.

But his galoshes and squeegee aren't.

I suspect he had a janitorial emergency.

[man roars]

[all scream]

- Whoa. [chuckles]

Didn't mean to scare you kids.

Spent the last three hours cleaning the cafeteria--

category five food fight.

And of course, today I had to wear

my crushed velvet coveralls.

Oh.

- Let's go, team.

Ed here has been through enough today already.

On to the next suspect.

- Come on, fess up.

- Uh, I didn't cut the rope!

Yeah, I was backstage, but I was--

I was getting into costume for the park scene.

- A costume you hate

because you really wanted to be Gertrude,

which is why you sabotaged me.

- Nah, it's plausible, Amy, but wrong.

You see, she couldn't have used the scissors

because her costume has no arm holes.

- Good eye, Luan.

I mean-- [barks]

- Well, I guess that leaves one last suspect.

Lyberti is Rex's ex.

And she was totes jelly when Rex and I made it "ofish."

[locker opens]

- That may be true, but on closer inspection,

you'd see that Lyberti is wearing

an oversized wrestling jacket,

most likely given to her by her new boyfriend.

Clearly, she had no reason to be jealous or sabotage you.

Lyberti didn't do this.

- So, Luan, our brilliant detective,

did you crack the case yet?

- The trail went a little cold.

But don't worry, I'm gonna figure it out.

- Hey, Amy, ready to go?

Let me take your bag.

- Rex, what happened to your hand?

It looks like...rope burns?

- What? No.

I--I, uh, scraped my hands in pottery class.

- Our school doesn't offer pottery.

Wait a minute.

You cut the rope!

- [gasps] - [gasps]

- [gasps]

- What a twist!

- I'm sorry, Amy.

But ever since you got cast as Gertrude,

you haven't had any time to hang out with me.

I just thought if I scared you, you'd quit the play.

- Super selfish, Rex.

You and I are through.

- [blubbering] Oh, no!

- Well done, Amy!

I had no idea you had such stellar investigative skills.

In fact, change of plans.

I want you to be our new Agatha.

You'll bring such authenticity to the role.

Luan, you're Gertrude.

- I can't take Luan's part.

- Uh, yes, you can.

You deserve it.

You're clearly the better detective.

[soft dramatic music]

- Okay, everybody, find your mark.

Act one, scene one, and action!

- Good evening, Detective.

I'm here on behalf of the queen.

I'm afraid her beloved corgi has gone missing!

[suspicious music]

- Sounds like quite the conundrum.

♪ ♪

- Huh, that's weird.

- Luan. Luan!

- [winces] - Cut!

Luan, you missed your cue.

Agh, let's take five, everyone.

- You okay, Luan?

- Oh, yeah. Uh, just, uh, forgot my line.

I better go check my script.

- [growling]

- Benny, something fishy is going on.

I have a theory, but I need to test it out.

- Great, I'll help.

I just need a quick bathroom break.

Meet me out by the fire hydrant in five.

[lowering voice] Special delivery for Rex.

Just sign here.

- He's right-handed.

Interesting.

Hmm.

Red stage makeup.

Even more interesting.

Benny, the flowers!

[gasps] She's coming.

Quick, hide!

- [humming]

[gasps, giggles]

- Come on, boy. Let's give chase.

[exciting music]

- Aww.

- Aha! Just as I suspected.

Benny, I know what really happened

with Amy's little accident.

And I can prove it.

Thanks for the cover, Shannon.

- Ugh. Glad this costume's good for something.

- Welcome, everyone.

Sit back and enjoy as we present to you

"The Case of the Missing Corgi."

- Good evening, Detective.

I'm here on behalf of the queen.

Her beloved corgi has gone missing!

- Sounds like quite the conundrum.

- Actually, Amy,

I have an even more interesting case--

how you got the lead role in this play.

[audience gasps]

- [gasps] Egad.

This isn't the script.

She's going rogue!

[groans] How do you close these things?

[screams, strains]

- You created a fake mystery

so that you could solve it in front of Mrs. Bernardo,

knowing that it would get you the lead role.

- What?

You have no proof.

- Oh, but I do.

My first clue was Gertrude's stage marker,

right where the sandbag hit.

Unlike the others, it had a purple mark on it,

just like your nail polish.

[audience gasps] - Oh, my!

- Then I noticed the scissors used

to cut the rope were for a lefty.

But when Rex signed for the package I sent him,

I discovered he was a righty.

But not you.

Catch. - Ah!

[audience gasps] - She's a lefty?

I did not see that one coming.

- You cut that rope.

- But Rex was the one with rope burn on his hands,

not me.

- Cheap stage makeup.

It was in the trash under your dressing table.

- What is she doing?

[straining] Ah!

- Uh, Shannon, the dog park is your scene.

- This is ridiculous.

Why would Rex confess if he didn't do it?

- [laughs]

Because you were working together.

- But they broke up.

- I thought so too, mulberry bush.

But then I sent Amy flowers

and signed the card, "Heart your loving boyfriend,"

to see what she'd do.

And she went running right into Rex's arms.

You see, they never did break up.

In fact, he's here right now, cheering her on.

[audience gasps] - [laughs nervously]

Love you, babe!

- Not helping, Rex.

Ugh, fine. I did it.

I wanted Mrs. B to see me as a great detective

so she'd cast me as Agatha.

- [gasps]

Ah! [groans]

I'm disappointed in you, Amy.

The bruises I just got don't hurt nearly as much

as your deception.

And, Luan, very impressive sleuthing.

When it comes to the role of Agatha,

there's no mystery who should play it.

You, my dear! - [gasps]

[audience cheering]

- What happened to the dog?

- Uh! Wait!

That wasn't the play!

It hasn't even started yet!

- I'm sorry, Luan.

What I did was pretty crummy.

I'm gonna drop out of the play.

- Oh, apology accepted.

But I don't think you need to go that far.

I have an idea.

- Places, everyone!

- [squeals] I'm so excited.

I get to play Gertrude.

- [groaning]

Shannon, how did you walk in this thing?

Whoa--whoa!

Ow! - Ah!

- Oh! Sorry, Ed.

- Ah, great.

Now I got mulberry juice on my cashmere overalls.

That's it! Starting tomorrow,

I'm going back to polyester!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [gasps]

Hmm?

[intriguing music]

♪ ♪

Hon, where are all the groceries?

I--oh.

What are they doing in--

[kids screaming]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oof! [groans]

[bouncy jazz music]

[kids panting] [grunts]

Oof!

[stopwatch beeping]

- And time.

- [panting] That was--

whew--our best run yet.

- You're probably wondering what Clyde and I are doing.

[dishes clatter]

[whimpers] Well, it's a fun story.

A few years ago, to draw in more business

to the Food & Fuel, Flip started a contest

to reward his one millionth customer.

[playful music]

- Nacho, drop the flyers!

♪ ♪

[people screaming]

[chaotic music]

- The end is finally here.

[people screaming]

♪ ♪

- "Flup's one millionth customer contest."

Should we tell Flip he spelled "customer" wrong?

- He also spelled "Flip" wrong.

And yet he got "millionth" right.

The winner gets seconds to run through the store

and take as much merchandise as they can.

To keep track of all the customers,

Flip installed a counter behind the cash register.

Over time, the counter was buried,

and Flip never brought up the contest again.

But Clyde and I never forgot.

In fact, we installed a camera nearby

to keep track of the customer count.

And today's the day we're almost there.

- Lincoln! The tracker just hit ,.

Only customers to go.

- Great--we have time for one more drill,

and then we got to go.

[both screaming]

[phone buzzes and beeps]

- Check it out.

Now there's only to go.

All we have to do is wait for more customers to go in,

then we make our move.

[intriguing music]

[both exclaim]

- Oh, I can't believe this.

Not a single person has shown up.

- [groans] of all the days for business to slow down.

We're so close.

Look at all that glorious merch

just waiting for us to grab it.

[musical flourish]

- Ah! - Stop drooling on the glass!

Nacho just cleaned that.

- [hisses]

- We're just gonna have to take matters into our own hands

and drum up business for Flip's ourselves.

- "Take a trip to Flip's." I like it.

- I'll handle the spinning part.

- Are you sure?

Have you ever spun a sign before?

- No. But how hard can it be?

[grunts]

[playful music]

- Land sakes! - Was that a tornado?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa! - When will it stop?

[loud crash]

- Don't worry, buddy.

I got this.

[big band music]

Take a trip to Flip's.

- Wow, look at that!

♪ ♪

[mob cheers]

- How are you so good at this?

- Remember that summer I spent at baton camp?

Guess my dads were right.

I did develop a skill I'd use later in life.

[phone buzzes and beeps]

- Looks like spinning brought in new customers.

But we're gonna need to think bigger to bring in the rest.

Come on!

[playful music]

[horn beeps]

- Sorry about that.

Bernie keeps distracting me with armpit farts.

[armpit farting]

- I wasn't distracted by anything.

I just wanted to ram into you!

♪ ♪

- All right, everyone.

Step right up and enjoy a shopping trip to Flip's.

- This was fun.

I haven't had jerky in ages.

- The tracker says only one more customer left.

Let's make our move.

- I'd like to buy this, please.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Where's my wallet?

Oh.

- [snores]

- Lincoln, she's gonna be the millionth customer.

We can't let her win.

- Hmm.

- [snoring]

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

[both straining]

- Oh, there's my wallet.

Uh! But where's the store?

Oh!

- [laughs mischievously]

[triumphant music]

- We did it!

We're only one away.

[squeals]

♪ ♪

- You're only one away from what?

What are you chumps up to?

You both seem weirder than usual.

[intriguing music]

- Uh, we're not weirder than usual.

We're at the same amount of weird we usually are.

And if you have a problem with our weirdness,

then, uh, maybe you need to work on your--

uh, on your weirdness tolerance!

[panting]

- Breathe, buddy.

- What have we here?

[both straining]

- Wah!

[both screaming]

- One millionth customer, huh?

So that's what you're one away from.

Too bad I'm gonna beat you to it.

[both gasp]

[grunts] Oof!

- Ha! - Wh-what?

- Remember after baton camp,

my dads sent me to boomerang camp?

Who knew that would come in handy one day too?

Uh, come on.

Let's do this.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa! Oof!

[both scream]

[loud crash]

both: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[loud crash]

- Ah! [loud crash]

Oh, no, you don't. [all straining]

all: Ah! Oof!

- Later, losers.

[both growl]

[both screaming] Ah!

[loud crashing]

Get out of the way!

[all grunting]

Lincoln, I'm not playing around!

You're the worst!

Clyde, stop!

[loud crash]

[snickers]

- Whoa...

- Ah! Eyeball freeze!

- Hey, Flip.

[music playing faintly]

Hey, Flip!

I'm buying this.

[dramatic music]

both: [in slow-motion] No!

No!

♪ ♪

[both grunt]

[cash register dings]

[noisemakers tooting, counter beeping]

[bell ringing]

- Well, look at that.

You're my one millionth customer.

- Yes!

Whoo!

[laughs]

- I--I can't believe we lost--

and that Flip never learned how to spell his name right.

- Oopsie. Good catch.

- All those years of work for nothing.

- [blows raspberry]

Nice try, losers.

Ha!

Okay, Flip, I'm ready to collect my prize.

I believe I get seconds to grab as much merch as I can.

- Knock yourself out, Chief.

- [laughs]

What the what?

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[wind whistling]

[all gasp]

- [laughs]

You gotta get up pretty early in the morning

to fool ole Flip.

Nacho here overheard you dunderheads talking

in the parking lot and clued me in.

So while you were busy tearing each other apart,

I had him move all the merchandise out.

Call it a restocking day. [both snicker]

Oh, there is one thing left.

- [gasps]

Flipeos?

That's it?

- Be careful eating 'em.

[air poofs] - Ugh.

- They're older than you are.

- This is so unfair.

I'm the one who cheats people.

You stink, Flip, and that's coming from someone

whose dad works in the sewer.

- Eh, it's not bad.

- [groans]

[door slams] [both wince]

- Well, we may not have won,

but we did get to see Chandler lose.

- Small comfort in a cruel world.

- [sighs] - And where do you two bozos

think you're going?

I suppose I should say thank you.

While you were trying to get to one million,

you actually gave me the best day of business I ever had.

And that includes the time the supermarket

down the street flooded...

[whispers] Suspiciously.

[both snickering]

I think that deserves a reward.

[both gasp]

Okay, to show my "gratitudinal" thanks of appreciation,

you guys get ten seconds to take whatever you can.

Ready, Nacho?

- Only ten?

The flyer said .

- Fine. I'll meet you halfway.

You get ten seconds.

- But we-- - We'll take it.

- Ready, Nacho?

On your mark, get set, go.

[whistle blows, kids scream]

[jazzy piano music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you. - Ah!

- Got it. Ha!

- [screams]

I didn't know they'd be such pros!

Uh!

[screams]

- That was everything I ever dreamed of.

- Someday, we'll be telling our grandchildren about this.

- Come on, Clyde.

We can celebrate for a little while,

but then we got to start training again.

We need to be in shape to become

the two millionth customer.

- Yeah, I'm not foolish enough to go through this again.

Nacho.

- [grunts]

Ah!

[snickers]

- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪