07x12 - Party Fowl/Sleepless in Royal Woods

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[thunder rumbling]

- Spirits, hear our plea.

Take us to the underworld post-hastily.

♪ ♪

[thunder rumbling]

[all gasp]

Aww.

[somber organ music]

- Apologies, dear friends.

I'm afraid my spell work has suffered since my exile

aboard that cruise ship.

- Sigh.

Big sigh.

- Worry not, Lucy.

We shall get to the underworld someday.

- It's not that.

Tomorrow was the anniversary of my tragic arrival

on this earth.

- Huh? - Hm?

- My ninth birthday.

[somber organ music]

- My condolences.

- How dreadful.

- Aww, why must normie society insist on celebrating life?

- I'm afraid my birthdays are even worse

than a typical normie celebration.

Every year, my family subjects me to the same traditions.

Yawn.

They start the day at a frightening pitch.

all: Happy birthday, Lucy!

[party horns blowing]

- Then they force me to wear

the traditional Loud birthday sash.

I suspect it's never been washed.

- Hey, it's my booger from my third birthday!

- [gags]

Then I'll be subjected to the dreaded bouncy castle,

a family birthday staple ever since my dad

got it on clearance.

- See, Rita?

I told you we'd get our money's worth.

[laughter]

- Whoa!

- Then there's the singing.

Oh, the singing.

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Sigh. Finally, the t*rture ends.

- Now in French, les dudes.

all: ♪ Bon anniversaire a toi ♪

♪ Bon anniversaire a toi ♪

♪ Bon anniversaire... ♪ - Groan.

[all gasp]

- I wish my family would just forget about my birthday.

- Perhaps I can make your wish come true.

Let's see.

Hmm, bilingual spell, binding spell.

Ah, here we are, birthday-be-gone spell.

In order for this spell to work,

you must gather your loved ones before the sun sets

on the eve of your birthday.

- Gasp. It's almost sunset.

I'll have to work fast.

- Dinner, everybody!

Ah! Where's the ding dang table?

- And where are the ding dang chairs?

- Ahem.

Please, follow me.

[spooky music]

♪ ♪

[barking, meowing, chirping]

- [whimpering]

- Hello?

I've literally been waiting here for minutes.

- Oh, hey, honey.

Lucy, what is this all about?

- Well, with my birthday on the horizon,

I thought we could celebrate early with a sunset dinner

and, um, poetry slam.

- I'm in!

I love a good slam.

[grunts]

- Unnecessary.

- If you'll please take your seats,

I'm eager for you all to hear my poem.

Wink.

Ahem.

Gathered 'neath the setting sun--

wait.

Where's Leni?

- [giggles] No, Gavin, you hang up first.

No, you. No, you.

No, you!

[grunting, chirping]

[gasps]

Oh, no. Gavin can't swim.

Gavin, hold your breath!

- Now, where were we?

Gathered 'neath the setting sun--

wait.

Where's Lisa?

[electricity crackling]

- Lucy, it's far too chilly outside for al fresco dining.

But once I get this weather modulator working,

I can alter tonight's temp to a comfortable degrees.

That works too.

- OK, now, if there are no more interruptions--

[engine revving]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- What the dickens?

- [screeches]

- Ahh!

Get off me, you flying fiend!

- Gathered 'neath the setting sun,

this past year is almost done.

My birthdays come.

My birthdays go.

At sunrise, you'll never know.

- [clears throat] Great poem, sweetie--

very abstract.

- Yeah, I was moved and junk.

Can we eat now?

- [screeches] - Patience, Fangs.

Bertrand said we won't know whether the spell

worked until sunrise.

- Mmm. Good casserole, Dad.

Carpet hair garnish was a nice touch.

Mmm. [chuckles]

- [gags]

- Mmm, mmm.

- Hmm. No screaming siblings.

No noisemakers.

Could it be?

Lola, tell me, is today special for any reason?

- [gasps] Lucy, I almost forgot.

Today is my weekly mani-pedi.

Thanks for reminding me.

- Yes, the spell worked.

This is cause for celebration,

if we were the celebrating type.

Ha-ha.

Good morning--

- Out of my way.

I'm late for a Moon Goats rehearsal!

- Toodles! I have a date with Gavin.

- Sure, I'm always available

for a last-minute Gigglin' Geezer set.

I'll be right over.

- Ah, ignored per usual.

Perfect.

- Breakfast time, kiddo.

[crow caws]

[tense music]

I've got a spooky birthday breakfast for a spooky--

Oh! Oh, OK, that's a wall.

Happy birthday, kiddo.

- Huh, I forgot about the ghost pancakes.

That was actually kind of nice.

Still, I made the right choice.

Fangs, this is the life, an all-day marathon

of "Vampires of Melancholia" with no one to bother us.

[crow caws]

- Greetings, birthday ghoul.

- Gasp. You scared me.

- Bleh, you're velcome.

Ha-ha-ha. - Ha-ha, ha.

- For your birthday, I thought we could watch

your vampire show together.

Plus, I found some fan theories for us to debate.

Do you think Tristen is a shapeshifter?

Yay or nay?

- Wow, that was kinda nice.

[sighs] Sigh.

And they all lived on happily ever after.

The end.

[crow caws]

- Happy birthday!

- [chuckles]

Best present ever.

[sniffles]

Fangs, I've made a grave mistake.

Friends, thank you for coming on such short notice.

I need your help.

I want my birthday back.

- Huh? That can't be.

- Have you fallen ill?

- Or been bewitched by a sorcerer?

- Just hear me out.

I only remembered the birthday stuff that I didn't like

and not the really cool things my family did

to make me feel special.

And now I just missed all of it.

[sobs] What have I done?

- Wait, good news--

the birthday-be-back spell.

In order for this spell to work,

you must gather your loved ones before the sun sets

on the day of your birthday.

- Oh, great, this again.

- [screeches]

And I only have an hour.

And some of my siblings aren't even home.

- Fear not. We'll help.

- Morticians Club, engage bat mode.

- Squeak, squeak, squeak! - [squeaking]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[fast organ music]

[cheering]

[electronic music]

- Ah!

♪ ♪

- Welcome aboard!

I hope you took your calcium supplements

because I'm about to tickle your funny bone.

Also, they're just good for you.

[grunts] - Hey, ladies and worms.

Why are there gates on cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in there.

Ha-cha!

- [snoring]

- [clears throat]

- Wow, tough bus.

- Hello?

My time is valuable too, you guys.

- Hurry, everyone. Take your seats.

- Lucy, sweetie, what's going on?

- Uh, encore poetry slam.

[knuckles cracking]

- Don't even think about it.

- Let's get started.

My birthday's gone, and I'm filled with regret.

[bagpipes playing]

My birthday's gone, and I'm filled with regret.

Please bring it back while there's sunlight left.

[wind whistling]

I hope this worked.

Family, is today special for any reason?

- Lucy, I almost forgot!

There's a new episode of "Prison Pageant Wars" tonight.

Oh, and it's also your birthday.

- O-M-gosh, why are we not celebrating?

- Quick, get the sash.

- And the bounce house.

I told you we'd--

- Get our money's worth, yes, honey.

- Hug.

- Um, dude?

You feeling OK?

[thermometer beeps]

- Eh, degrees.

That's normal for Lucy.

- I'm just glad to be spending my birthday with you guys.

- Did anyone make a reservation at Jean Juan's?

Move it, people. Lucy only turns nine once.

all: Happy birthday, Lucy!

- Hello?

- [screeches]

- Um, what is happening?

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[school bell ringing] - All right, team.

We need a story that's gonna top last week's feature,

"Water Fountain Etiquette with Clyde."

Any suggestions?

all: Hmm. - Ooh, I've got one--me!

- [sighs] No, we're not doing another piece

on your ab routine, Rusty.

- Yeah, we're still sifting through the complaint letters.

- Say what you want.

There's one name on everybody's lips.

[device beeping]

- [gasps] My extraterrestrial life detector.

An alien must be close.

- Afternoon, chickpeas.

Got another box of mail addressed to Rusty.

- What did I tell ya?

[device beeping] - OK.

The alien should be right here.

- [grumbles]

- [gasps] Mr. Bolhofner!

An alien must have taken over his body.

I've got to save him.

Ah!

[grunting]

Resisting is futile, alien!

- You've got two seconds to tell me what

the blue blazes is going on!

- Don't panic, but there's an alien inside of you, Mr. B.

- [growls]

- I can totally prove it.

See?

It's flashing, which means--

low battery.

[chuckles nervously]

Let's just call this a whoopsie.

- A whoopsie?

Why don't we call it two days' detention

for tackling a teacher, Gurdle!

- You OK, Zach?

- We saw everything.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, at least it's only two days of detention.

[all gasp] - What?

What's the big deal? I've had detention before.

- Yeah, in elementary school.

This is middle school.

The bullies are bigger, and so are their wedgies.

- [shudders] - Yeah.

Lynn once told me about a kid who went to detention,

and the other kids gave him a wedgie

so hard it stunted his growth.

- [shudders] Oh, great.

What am I gonna do?

- Don't worry, dog. I gotcha.

Welcome to Rusty's School of Hard Knocks.

Zach, you are about to learn how to survive detention

from a certified baddie.

- Certified baddie?

Didn't you go to the school nurse for a mosquito bite?

- It was on my knuckle, Stella.

It was very painful.

Now can we please get back to business?

Lesson number one, make a strong first impression.

Rusty Spokes Players, it's show time.

'Sup? Name's Rusty Bones.

Anybody got a problem with that?

Clyde, your line.

- Golly, not me.

I'm too intimidated by that sick physique.

- Me too.

Did you see that news story on his ab routine?

I can't stop watching it.

OK, I'm out.

- Stella, I thought you were a professional.

Now everybody in position for the next scene.

Lesson two, establish your dominance.

You want to go straight up to the toughest kid in detention

and show him who's boss.

Scene two. And action.

- [snoring]

[gasps]

[laughs]

I'm Meathead Larry, the toughest kid in detention.

Who talks like this?

Sorry. [clears throat]

So, Rusty Bones, you think you can take me,

Meathead Larry?

- Oh, I know I can.

Check it. [grunts]

These are heavier than I thought.

- [gasps]

- I, Meathead Larry, am never messing with you again,

Rusty Bones.

Parentheses, dramatically bursts into tears.

- Ugh, that's stage direction, Lincoln.

How am I supposed to work with amateurs?

Last lesson, instill fear with a tough backstory.

And action.

- Hey, new guy with the perfect hair,

what are you in for?

- Oh, a teacher got chalk dust on my leather,

so I trashed his whole classroom.

- Hope you didn't irritate that mosquito bite.

- Stella, the Rusty Spokes Players

will no longer require your services.

[bell ringing] - [gasps]

[gulps] - It's detention time.

You ready? - Actually, yeah.

I'm surprised I'm saying this, but thank you, Rusty.

Your lessons were all super helpful.

- Of course they were.

Now take these, so the bullies can't

see the fear in your eyes.

- Rusty, I can barely see in these.

- The darker the shades, the tougher the dude, my dude.

- OK, strong first impression.

[pounding on door]

Ah!

["Baa Baa Black Sheep" instrumental playing]

[chuckles nervously]

[laughter]

OK, don't panic.

Just establish dominance.

[laughter] - Huh?

- You're in my seat, punk!

[rock music]

Oh, so you want to be a tough guy, huh?

[grunts]

- Look at this poser. What are you in for?

Did you lose a fight to a printer?

[laughter] - Good one, Anderson.

- I know it's a good one, Pablo.

- [voice cracking] The name's--

[clears throat] The name's Zach.

Bones, uh, Z-Bones.

I'm in here because I had a rumble with the Hof.

Yeah, I didn't like the way his 'stache was looking at me,

so I was all, "You got a problem, huh?

Want some of this? 'Cause I'm serving it up hot."

[laughter]

- You fought Bolhofner?

Yeah, right.

- OK, chuckleheads, in your seats.

And thanks a lot for the shiner, Gurdle.

- Huh?

- Just checking in before I head out

for my daily swim in the gym pool.

And don't even think about making a run for it,

not like you'll get past Rocket anyway.

- [snarling]

[growling]

- Whoa.

So, Zach, you really did take on the Hof.

- [giggles]

[clears throat] It's Z-Bones, punk.

- To Zach!

- And Rusty for teaching him.

Yeah!

Whoo, whoo, yeah!

- You guys should have seen it.

They totally think I'm one of them.

- Honestly didn't see this one working out.

No offense, Rusty.

- None taken.

- Now all I have to do is get through tomorrow's detention,

and I'm home free.

- You couldn't have done it without me.

- I have return--

oh!

[groans] What's with these doors?

- Watch out. Don't tackle me.

- There he is!

- Do you like my jacket, Z-Bones?

It's just like yours.

- Listen, we've been talking.

And now that we know you're one of us,

we want to bring you in on a little fun today.

- Oh, sure. Like volleyball?

Comic books? - Oh, no.

Way more fun than that.

- All right, you know the drill by now.

I swim. You stay.

Rocket door. Cap snap.

- Let's do this.

- [snarling]

- You coming, Z-Bones?

- Oh, uh, the fun involves leaving the room.

Cool, cool, cool.

[chuckles nervously] So where are we going?

The teacher's lounge?

I do hear they have excellent decaf.

[laughter]

- Z-Bones, you slay me.

- What's, uh-- what's all this for?

- Oh, just booby trapping the place.

It's about time we get revenge on the teachers

who put us in detention, right, guys?

- You're going to do what?

I mean, uh, I've always found

that whoopee cushions do the trick.

Yeah, like who tooted?

Not me, ha! It's hysterical.

- You're not chickening out, are ya?

Good.

- Anderson, that's a lot of cement.

Taylor, where'd you get that jar full of snakes?

Pablo, I didn't know they made glue traps that big.

[whimpers]

[laughter]

- [growling]

[growling, pounding]

- I can't wait to see the look

on the teachers' faces tomorrow.

- Yeah, they'll probably be all, ahh, ooh, ah, ha, ha!

[laughs] Right, Z-Bones?

- [chuckles nervously] Yeah, totally.

- All right, you're all free to go.

- [snarls] - Ah!

- You guys go on ahead without me.

I forgot my, uh, nunchucks.

Can't leave without them.

- That Z-Bones is a wild card.

- [groans]

[clattering]

I can't let this happen.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Well, well, well, just as I suspected.

- I was actually replacing these

with, uh, more dangerous ones.

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

- Oh, phew.

We thought you were taking them down.

- That's totally what he was doing, Pablo.

- [sighs]

Look, I'm not the tough guy I was pretending to be.

I didn't actually bare-knuckle box Bolhofner.

I tackled him because I thought an alien

was living inside of him.

That's who I really am.

And you can wedgie me to oblivion,

but I am not gonna let you pull your prank.

The teachers don't deserve this.

[knuckles cracking] - You know what?

Saying that took some serious guts, newbie.

Guess you are pretty tough after all.

- Yeah, and if we're being honest here,

I actually didn't want to do

the whole booby trap thing either.

- Oh, my gosh. Thank goodness you said it.

Me neither. I don't want more detention.

The "My Fair Lady" auditions are coming up.

[in c*ck accent] I was born to be in that show, guvnah!

- Well, I was only doing it because I thought

you guys wanted to.

- So, Z-Bones, you're into aliens?

That's pretty cool.

- I've been saying that Bolhofner's

an extraterrestrial for years.

- It would explain a lot.

- So it turns out that I just needed

to be honest with those guys, and everything was cool.

- [scoffs] That might work for you,

but us tough guys have a different code,

and I'm sticking to it.

[mosquito buzzing] - Hey, Rusty.

Watch out for that mosquito. - What?

Where?

[screams]

Ouchie! Nurse, please!

[laughter]

- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪