07x07 - Road Trip: From Brad to Worse/Road Trip: Doll Day Afternoon

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong ba*ls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[glamorous music]

♪ ♪

- Thanks for taking the Tip Top Studios tour

here in glamorous Hollywood, California.

On your way out, please be sure to hit the gift shop.

It's what pays my salary.

- That tour will be great for my article

on Hollywood hot spots!

- This was literally

my fave part of the tour. [laughter]

- Boy, that shark sure was cheeky!

- [laughs] It must have thought you were a rump roast!

[laughter]

- If anyone asks, we're not together.

[gasps] Look!

This is where they film the Dakota Rhoda movies!

She's a young girl archeologist

with a real flair for adventure and style.

I just gotta take one little peek.

- What am I gonna do?

We start the movie tomorrow,

and I don't have an actress to play Dakota Rhoda.

No Dakota, no movie! - [gasps]

- What happened to the last one?

- She turned . - Oh.

- This is my chance to be a star in a real-life movie!

Ooh!

[adventurous music]

[wild animal noises]

[pop music plays]

Mwah! Mwah!

- Did you just enter with your own fanfare?

Also who are you?

- Lola Loud, your new star.

My card.

- "Lola Loud, your new star."

Never heard of you. - Sorry.

Nora Nussbaum does not work with nobodies.

- That's right. I need someone with buzz.

- Eww. Flies are more my sister Lana's thing, but--

- [laughs] No. I mean buzz.

That name everybody's talking about.

I only hire actors with buzz, hon.

It's a buzz kind of biz.

- [groans] Hmm.

[chuckles] Oh, you better believe

I'll get the buzz, babe.

Okay, everybody, listen up.

If I can make this director think

that everybody's talking about me,

I'll be the next Dakota Rhoda!

- But everybody already talks about you, Lola.

- [snorts] I think she means in a good way.

- Are you sure you want to do this, sweetie?

Stardom can be a lot.

- She's right, kiddo.

You know, being with The Doo-Dads

has taught me two things:

all cowbell solos should be under minutes,

and being a star isn't always what you expect it'll be.

- [scoffs] Please.

I've been dreaming of this my whole life.

[crowd clamoring]

- Lola, please, sign my baby!

[glamorous music]

[crowd cheering]

- Lola! Lola! - Lola, over here!

- [laughs] Make sure you get my good side.

JK. I only have good sides.

Am I right? - Lola!

- [chuckles] Whoopsie. Sorry, Lori.

Uh, in my defense, your face does feel like wet cement.

You could use some toner.

- Ugh. Get off me.

- What do you mean you don't have

a big Hollywood director discount?

I never pay full price for socks.

- I love you, Lola!

- I'm literally your biggest fan!

- Oh-hoh! There she is!

- Back it up!

Lola Loud deserves some stinkin' space!

You people are vultures!

♪ ♪

- [snickers]

- [over PA] Next on our Lola Loud Sightseeing Tour,

the smoothie shop where rumor has it Lola Loud often visits!

- Look, it's her!

[both gasp] It's Lola Loud!

What are the ding-dang odds?

- [giggling]

- Thanks, guys, but no more pictures today.

[sighs] Okay, fine,

just ten more.

[cameras clicking]

♪ ♪

- But don't you understand?

I have to have Lola Loud in my next movie!

It's gotta be Lola!

- Egads. How do you expect me

to make a film without Lola Loud?

My directing career will perish, pass away,

cease to exist, babe.

- Lola, you've gotta say yes!

[as Mr. Coconuts] Come on, doll!

We don't want anybody but you

in our latest talkie!

- Please, please, please!

You have to be in my film!

- I beseech thee, be in my film.

- Ignore those losers, toots!

You and I will make motion picture history!

- You're all out of luck,

because she's going to star in my film!

Lola, you've got more buzz than a beehive.

Will you be the new Dakota Rhoda?

Say you'll do it.

- Hmm, I don't know.

I need some time to think about it.

Done! Where do I sign?

Hello!

Your star has arrived!

Nora, angel, I'm thinking I'll start

with a deep tissue massage in my trailer.

And that should take us through to lunch.

I'll have sushi and a mango sparkling water,

heavy on the sparkle.

Mwah, mwah, mwah. Kisses!

- There's no time for any of that.

You're filming your stunts today.

- Oh. Isn't there somebody who does that, darling?

What are they called? Oh.

Oh, yeah, that's right, a stunt person.

- Sorry, hon, Dakota Rhodas perform their own stunts.

But relax. It'll be a breeze.

- Ah!

[tense music]

[whimpers] - You're gonna run,

grab the vine, swing across the mud,

and land on the other side.

Any questions? - Just one.

Still no on the sushi?

- Okay, people.

On your marks!

And...action!

[adventurous music]

- [grunts]

- Cut.

- Ugh.

[panting]

[grunting]

Whoa!

Phew!

Ah! Oof!

- Cut.

♪ ♪

- [panting]

[sighs] - Cut!

That was perfect, Lola, hon.

Okay, everybody, back in five to film

Lola's fire-eating scene.

- Huh? [cries]

[coughs, groans]

- Quiet on the set!

And...action!

- That treasure has to be around here somewhere.

- Cut! Lola, sweetie,

your Dakota Rhoda feels a bit flat.

Why don't you try different vocal styles?

- [chuckles nervously]

[Southern] Well, hush my mouth!

I do declare that treasure must be somewhere

'round these parts!

[Valley Girl] Like, that rad treasure has to be,

like, totally around here.

[robotic] The treasure must be here.

[c*ck] Blimey, governor!

I'd wager my tea and crumpets

that treasure's right here under me sniffer!

[clears throat]

[normal] How's that, Nora, darling?

- Oh, ditch that c*ck accent!

That last voice you just used, it was perfect!

- But that's my normal voice,

the one I was using before.

- Love it. Do that, angel--but better.

- [groans]

Ugh.

Being a star is a lot less glamorous than I thought.

- Miss Loud? Nora wants you to practice

for the wrestling scene,

so she told me to bring your scene partner by.

This is Keith.

- [gasps]

[tense music]

[snake hisses]

[screams]

[phone rings]

Lola Loud speaking.

- I'm with the "Tinseltown Tattler."

Is it true you're not a natural blonde?

- Ugh! How dare you!

- [sighs] Miss Loud?

- Keith, be a doll and let him in.

Now listen here, have you seen my hair?

- Thanks, Keith. - It's nature's perfection!

[grunts]

- Miss Loud?

Thanks, Keith. Miss Loud,

we have some script revisions for you.

- Just hold still.

- Ow! - I'll be back with the rest

of the pages.

- [gasps]

Youch! - Next question:

does Lola Loud really buy dresses off the rack?

- [growls] That's it!

Thanks, Keith.

[snake hisses]

- Lola! Sweetie! What's up?

- Well, it's just,

I'm so grateful for the chance to be in your movie.

- Naturally.

- But I have to quit.

I thought being a movie star was gonna be a lot of fun.

But it's just a lot of work.

I guess I'm not ready for all this.

- Digging the honesty. So refreshing.

So I'm gonna be honest with you.

You can't quit, hon. You signed a contract,

which means you're done when I say you're done.

- And when will that be?

- When you turn .

- Ugh!

- Where's Keith?

We're filming his close-ups next.

- He refuses to come on set

until he gets a sun lamp in his trailer.

- What? You tell Keith I can find

another classically trained Burmese python!

I won't work with divas!

- Hmm. Won't work with divas, huh?

Daddy, you were right about what you said before.

I should've listened.

- Right? Those cowbell solos hit minutes

and the crowd really turns on you.

- Uh, no, I mean being a star isn't what I expected.

So I need you guys to help me get off this movie.

Will you, please?

- That's a cinch. Getting kicked off junk is

what we Louds do best.

- And now they're bragging about it.

- Aw! Bring it in!

You guys are the real stars--

in a behind-the-scenes kind of way,

in case that wasn't clear.

- Okay, Lola, let's go for a take.

- And just do whatever the heck you want, Lola, doll,

because everything you do is sheer magic!

- Who or what is this?

- My personal acting coach.

I only take direction from him.

He knows how to speak "Lola."

- Don't stand there gawkin'.

Get me a cappuccino!

Guh! Whoa!

[groans]

- I'm the only director here!

Now let's do this for real. And--

- [straining]

- What do you think you're doing?

- I don't like my trailer in the sun,

so she's moving it to a shady spot.

I have to protect my delicate complexion.

- All right, whatever.

Quiet on the set! And--

- Wait, wait! Move it back to the sun.

I need to work on my tan.

- [straining]

- And-- - Wait!

Changed my mind. - [straining]

- Wait! - [growling]

If you're finished, I have a movie to sh**t!

- Oh, no!

I'm shiny!

Makeup!

- Are you kidding me?

[both coughing]

- Ugh, all this powder's making me thirsty!

- On it, Miss Loud.

- Blech! This juice has pulp in it!

Where's my personal pulp checker?

- I'm so sorry for the mix-up, Miss Loud!

- [growling] - Pulp-free coming right up!

Wah! [grunts]

[electricity crackling]

- Agh!

You are fired!

- [gasps softly]

Oh. Aw.

Guess that's show biz!

I'll show myself out.

Come, family. My work here is done.

- [growls]

- Really quick, I have a script

I'd love for you to look over. - [growling]

- We'll circle back!

[upbeat horn music]

♪ ♪

[car horns honking]

[horn blares] - Hello to you too!

And they say people in the city are rude.

- Okay, kids, listen up.

This is our last stop on our summer road trip,

and we have a packed day!

Lunch at Goddess Greens,

Great Lakes City Tower,

and a concert series in the park.

- Sweet! When do we get to see the Casagrandes?

I can't wait to tell Ronnie Anne all about our trip!

[cell phone rings] - Hey, Booboo Bear.

- [gasps] - Guess where I am?

Ah!

- [as Lori] Literally Mount Rushmore!

[imitates static]

Oh, losing reception, babe!

Call you later!

- Mom! What was that?

- Um-- [chuckles nervously]

We would love to visit the Casagrandes.

But my last travel piece

for the "Gazette" is due tonight,

and we have to hit all these places.

There's just no time to stop by.

- Yeah, if we wanna get everything

on your Mom's list done, they can't know we're here.

We-we'll visit them another time, okay, kiddos?

- I guess so.

Plus, I don't want to miss that concert.

- And I want a glamor shot from the top of the GLC tower,

looking down at all the little people.

- I don't know you guys. I feel weird about this.

[cell phone rings]

Hey, Booboo Bear.

[indistinct speech]

Yeah, we're still at Mount Rushmore.

Of course I'll think of you

every time I look up Washington's nose.

[indistinct speech]

- Aw, thanks for understanding, sweetie.

Okay, g*ng, first stop, Goddess Greens!

Hope everyone's hungry!

- Yeah, just in time.

You don't wanna see me hangry.

- Move it or lose it, buddy!

- [sighs contentedly] I love this city.

- Whatever you're into, Great Lakes City has it all--

that is, if you have time to do it all.

- Hon, I'm not sure I'm cool enough for this place.

There's nothing on this menu but emojis!

What am I supposed to order, the dinosaur or the winky face?

- I'm sure everything is fabulous, hon.

Jesse said this was the trendiest

restaurant in the city.

- Oh, it totes is. It's Carlota's fave spot.

She comes here all the time.

- What? Why didn't you tell us?

- Lynn, it's fine.

It's nearly impossible to get a reservation.

What are the odds that Carlota got one

at the same time as us?

- Hola!

I have a noon rez under Casagrande.

Mwah, mwah!

[all gasp]

- [whispers] We have to get out of here!

- I didn't even try the food!

I'll have nothing to write about!

- If Carlota sees us, you'll be writing about the end

of your friendship with the Casagrandes!

[tense music]

- Hi, Carlo--

[all panting, shushing]

- Ah!

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

For the best bite in the city,

grab a Warrior Wrap at Goddess Greens.

It's perfect on the go.

- Huh? Oh.

[elevator dings] - No city visit is complete

without stopping by the observation deck

of Great Lakes City Tower.

- Rad!

- Whoa. Literally so cool.

- Worship me, little people!

- Agh, great view!

And I'm pretty sure we won't have to worry

about any Casagrandes up-- [Sergio squawks]

- Hot pretzel, twelve o'clock!

[pigeons cooing]

[tense music]

Lunchtime, boys!

[both exclaiming]

- Sergio! - Dang it!

[yelling continues]

[elevator dings]

- Mmm. Mmm!

[squawks] Needs mustard!

- Ah, man! You guys got a whole pretzel?

All I nabbed was some peanuts.

- [gasps] Carl too?

They're right by the elevator!

How are we going to get out of here?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[all whimpering]

♪ ♪

- By my rough calculation,

factoring in our combined weight

and this platform's capacity,

I'm afraid we're-- [gasps]

[all scream] - Goners.

- [grunting]

- If we don't make it, I just want to say,

I love you guys!

[all scream]

And I'm sorry I spilled pickle juice

in the back of the RV and blamed it on Lily.

- [gasps] I knew it.

♪ ♪

[all scream]

all: Phew!

- We're alive!

- After dropping by to take in the view,

it's time to unwind with some live music

at the GLC Jazz Festival.

[all panting]

- Huh.

[crow caws]

These signs are a little confusing.

Whoa!

What on earth does this mean?

- You can't build a sandcastle here.

What's hard to understand?

[jazz music playing]

[crowd cheering]

- You rock!

I mean, you jazz.

Y-you get what I'm sayin'!

- Well, we did it.

We saw everything we needed to see for my article.

- Ah, that's a relief.

For a second there, I didn't think we'd be able

to avoid the Casagrandes.

[Latin guitar playing]

- [gasps] Is that Hector and Bobby?

[all gasp] - Let's move, people.

[all panting, gasp]

[tense music]

[all panting, gasp]

♪ ♪

- We're doomed.

- [whimpering]

- [gasps] Maybe we can dig a tunnel out of the park.

[grunting]

- [whimpers]

I have a better idea.

[sneaky music]

[all exclaim, panting]

Thanks. You guys jazz!

[all gasp]

♪ ♪

[all whimper]

- Quick! In here!

[all sigh]

- Why does this place look familiar?

♪ ♪

- Uh, 'cause this is literally the Casagrandes' building!

- Ugh, great move, Stinkin'!

We're in the belly of the beast!

[all exclaim]

♪ ♪

all: Whoa--oof!

- [panting] That was close.

We'll just wait it out a few minutes

and then sneak back downstairs.

And I'm sure we all need to catch our breath anyway,

right?

Just me?

[breathes deeply] All right!

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

It's locked!

[straining]

Oof!

- My laptop's in the RV,

and I need it to type my article.

If we don't get down there, I'll miss my deadline!

- [winces]

Wait! I have an idea.

I saw this in a David Steele movie.

It's gotta work.

[sneaky music]

[vocalizing spy music]

[humming]

Huh?

Oh, come on!

- Thanks for trying, Lincoln, but we're out of time.

There's only one option.

We have to call the Casagrandes.

- No, no, no! They can't know

we've been here the whole time!

There's gotta be a way off this roof!

all: Dad, no! - No!

No, no, no, I can do it!

- Louds?

What are you all doing here?

- Rosa! [laughing nervously] Hey!

We were, uh, just, you know,

uh, trying out Lisa's new teleportation device!

[chuckles] It works!

Nice job, sweetie.

- Oh, jeez.

- O-M-gosh, really?

I thought we were hiding from the Casagrandes.

- Uh... - Oh.

- What? Hiding from us?

I don't understand.

- We weren't hiding. Well, maybe a little.

But only because we had something important to do.

- [gasps] - Not--not that you're

not important, I mean, uh--

Lynn, help me out here?

- Well--well, you know, Rita had a "Gazette" deadline,

and, well, you know, we thought--

- Don't trouble yourselves.

I won't take up any more of your time.

[sighs sadly]

- Ugh, we have to fix this.

- But what about your article?

- Some things are more important, Lincoln.

So the whole point of not telling you was

to spare your feelings, but clearly by sneaking around,

we've hurt you even more.

- Yes, you have.

You could have been honest with us.

We would have understood.

- [crying] We messed up!

[all apologizing]

- Can you guys ever forgive us?

- Claro que sí. - Obviously.

- Of course!

- Mm, I'll think about it.

I need time to heal.

- Hm.

- [gasps] I'm healed.

- Rita, go finish your article.

I don't want you to miss your deadline.

But after that, maybe you can all stay for dinner.

- We'd love to.

As our summer adventure comes to an end in Great Lakes City,

I'm reminded that it's not always what you do

that makes the trip.

It's the people you spend time with.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

- I hope everyone's hungry!

- Smells divine! - Ooh!

- Yes, please! - Tamales!

- Hey, isn't that your RV?

[tow truck beeping]

- Ah!

- Well, I guess we're staying the night.

- [squawks]

Hope you don't mind my snoring!

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪