05x04 - Uninvited Guests

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[dog barking in distance]

[Tristan] So, I was about


Dunes as far as the eye could see.

Not the place you want to find
yourself in a bind, let me tell you.

And then, all of a sudden, I feel it.

The stab of a p*stol in my back.

You're kidding.

Sadly not.

My blood froze.

What did you do?

[exhales] Nothing else to do.

Turn around and face the enemy.

And there he was.

Tall, mean, slobbering.

It was only the bloody camel
with my whip in his mouth,

- giving me a good prod.
- Tristan!

Thought we were having
a real one for once.

That was a real one.
Honest to God.

He wanted to get back to camp
for breakfast.

Gobbler we called him.

Hungriest camel in all of Tobruk.

Look at this.
Quietest baby in all of Darrowby.

Should pick you up
from the bus stop more often.

Uncle Tristan,
happy to be of service.

[chuckles]

Are you stocking up for me, Mrs H?

You shouldn't have.

Paws off. Thank you.

I have to make that stretch
for all of us and Mr Carmody.

Carmody's back?
You didn't say anything.

Well, couldn't get a word in
around the camels.

Siegfried's gone to fetch him
from the station.

Before I forget, Mr Crabtree were on
earlier about a cow off its food.

It wasn't urgent, was it?

He said it could wait till morning.

But he did sound concerned.

I can take a look now.

Fancy lending a hand?

'Fraid not.
I'd rather stay here.

Put a face to the bow tie.

[Sid] Mr Herriot.
Thanks for coming.

Mr Crabtree.

Your herd's looking promising.

Aye! Building up again,
slowly but surely.

Got some good,
healthy calves this year.

- That's excellent news.
- [barking]

[Sid] Down, boy!

Down!

I see you got yourself a dog.

Yeah, don't mind Shep.
He's a softie.

Just has a taste
for putting the wind up folk.

Cheeky wee joker, eh?

So, you've got a cow needs seeing?

[Sid] Rose.
She won't eat.

Can't work out why.

It might be nowt, but...

I didn't want to leave it too long.

Oh. Don't worry.
We'll get to the bottom of it.

[cow mooing in distance]

Pop them on the pile.

Oh, and there's your clean shirts
from last time up in your room.

Yes, I saw. Thank you.

[dog barks]

Also, couldn't help but notice
both beds were made up.

Yes.

Mr Farnon didn't think you'd
mind sharing with Mr Carmody.

Oh.

[door opens]

Speak of the devil.

[dog barks]

Oh, here he is.
How were your journey?

Long. I'm very glad to be back,
Mrs Hall.

- How's Doncaster treating you?
- Yeah, not too shabbily.

Putting the new recruits
through their paces.

Tristan Farnon, Richard Carmody.

The famous Tristan Farnon.
How do you do?

Hello.

My replacement.
We meet at last.

Technically,
I was James' replacement.

Well, either way, congratulations
on sticking it out with my brother.

Many have tried, few survive.
[chuckles]

[Carmody] I can't see
why that would be the case.

Mr Farnon's taught me a great deal.

It's been extremely stimulating.

Richard's just finished
his finals in London.

Ah, yes. Heard all about
you Royal College chaps.

I trust the celebrations
are suitably debauched, eh?

Not for me.

Right, well, erm...

Well, we can remedy that later,
I expect, in the Drovers.

If it's all the same,
I have things to attend to here.

Such as?

I managed to get
my hands on the bacteria

I told you about
from the university lab.

- Did you?
- Perhaps we could culture them

- together.
- [Siegfried] I'd be delighted.

Omnia probate, quod bonum tenete.

Prove all things,
hold fast that which is good.

Hey! You could have warned me.

Siegfried's multiplied.
Spawned a mini killjoy.

- Oh. Give over.
- [scoffs]

Reminder to keep the mind open.

He might take a bit
of getting used to,

but he's not a killjoy.

He chose bacteria over booze.

Honestly, why do I feel like I'm
about to spend my precious time off

in a library?

- It won't be that bad.
- Easy for you to say.

You don't have to share
a room with the man.

[birds chirping]

[cow mooing]

I can rule out traumatic reticulitis.

She isn't wired.

Any changes to her diet recently?

No, she's had the same as always.

She usually eats like a horse.

Well, a cow with an appetite, anyway.

[James]
Well, that could be our answer.

If her eyes are bigger
than her belly,

it could be indigestion
from overfeeding.

So, not too serious?

Well, nothing
a dose of linseed oil won't clear up.

Start her on a couple of ounces.

She should be much brighter
by the morning.

Fingers crossed.

Thank you, Mr Herriot.

[fire crackling]

When did cribbage
become all the rage?

I had to find something
he couldn't cheat at.

Oh, rot.
You can play next.

I'm about to thrash Richard.

No, thanks.
All Greek to me.

[Mrs Hall]
Why don't you fetch another game?

Perhaps, or even better,
we could venture across the square

for a nightcap.

Escape the clutches
of the pipe and slippers.

[Mrs Hall chuckles]
Well, I'm due on my rounds,

I'm afraid.

Early start.

- Jimmy'll be wanting his feed.
- [groans]

Two for the pair, three for the run.

- Siegfried?
- Yes?

- Muggins!
- What?!

To play Muggins rules,
you must declare Muggins rules.

Muggins rules are always in play
with experienced opponents.

- Just me then.
- [Carmody] You clearly miscounted

- your points, you missed two.
- Enjoy yourself.

[Siegfried]
I was distracted by Tristan.

- Which means they're mine.
- Oh, you wretch!

I demand a replay.

- [Carmody] That's against the rules.
- [Siegfried] I don't care.

[Carmody] Cheat!

- [owl hooting]
- [door closes]

[keys jangle, clatter]

It's alright, it's alright.
It's only me.

- Don't bark, don't bark.
- [dog whimpers]

Siegfried'll have my guts
for garters.

Okay. Night-night, sleep well.

- Oh!
- [dog whimpers]

[straining] Who put that there?

[Carmody shouts]
Wrong bed!

Shhh!

You shhh!

You're in the cupboard!

Does it look like it?

I couldn't see you in the dark.

Why are we shouting
in the middle of the night?

- He has commandeered my bed.
- It was mine before.

It's in my room and in my house.

Oh, for God's sake, why haven't
you sorted this out before?

He vanished off to the pub.

I've been stuck
in military bunks for months.

I've earned the sweet embrace
of my own bed.

[Carmody] No, it's logical I have it,

since I work here
covering the night calls.

How's that logical? If you'll be out
at night, you'll be barely in it.

Says the man rolling in
at 1:00 in the morning.

Well...

Enough!

What do you suggest, Mr Farnon?

You're grown men.

I suggest you resolve it
amongst yourselves.

Quietly.

[door closes]

[birds chirping]

[Tristan snoring]

[snorts]

[groans]

Tristan was happy enough
when he shared with James.

Well, he was still a student then.

And Richard's so amenable.

- Well...
- Once you get to know him.

Might Tristan be feeling
a bit... left out?

No, no, that's not it.

Right.

Anyway, I told them
to sort it out themselves.

[crunching]

[crunching]

Do excuse me, Matron.
Could you repeat that?

And you're absolutely sure?

Oh, sorry about the racket
last night, Mrs H.

Not to worry.

I got back to sleep soon enough.

- [Carmody] I should apologise, too.
- Mm.

I'm sorry Tristan almost
crushed me to death,

thus causing
the entire house to wake up.

Richard, you're to go out to
the Manor, fast as you can.

- [Tristan] Oh, is it Tricki?
- No, it's a snake.

[Tristan] That's an exotic
addition for Mrs Pumphrey.

Smuggled in from abroad, apparently,
by one of the soldiers.

The house has been requisitioned
as an army convalescent home.

[Carmody]
What's wrong with the snake?

Nothing. It's on the loose.

- [Mrs Hall] Goodness.
- [Siegfried] Yes.

Caused quite a stir up there.

[Mrs Hall] I can imagine.

The Matron didn't know
who else to turn to.

[Carmody] Well, I'm delighted
she turned to us.

I adore snakes.

Ever seen one in the wild?

Only the odd adder. You?

Yeah. Cairo's teeming with them.

Let's go find the rascal then.

Er, I'm afraid I have
a full list in surgery.

Let me know how you get on.

It's a big house.

Might be something of a snake
in a haystack.

[Mrs Hall] Tris'll help.

Will I?

[Mrs Hall] Well, it sounds like
you're familiar with snakes.

Only in a very loose, general sense.

Also, he doesn't work here anymore.

Yes, I don't work here anymore.
There is that.

I wouldn't call it work.
More of a favour.

Give you two the chance to get
to know each other better,

- won't it?
- I think we've got a good grasp

of that already,
thanks to the close quarters.

- I couldn't possibly impose.
- You wouldn't be.

Would he, Tristan?

Not at all, Mrs H.

Happy to help.

Did you manage
to get a good look at it?

Thankfully not.

I'm only going off
what the lads have told me.

Which is?

That it slithers about the ward,
under the beds and such.

By the time anyone's dared
to try and catch it,

it's made itself scarce.

Makes me come over all peculiar
even thinking about it.

I don't suppose you gleaned a
description of its size or markings?

I'm rushed off my feet, love.

Snake-sized. Best I can do.

Snakes come in a very wide
variety of sizes and species.

Leave it with us. We'll give
the place a thorough sweep.

It'll be out of your hair in no time.

If that thing gets anywhere near
my hair, you'll know about it.

Right.

I propose we attempt
to think like a snake.

[mutters] Oh, for goodness sake.

Now, where would we choose to hide?

Somewhere warm and secluded,
no doubt.

Best of luck with that.
I'll see you later.

You can't wriggle out of it now.

We promised to find the snake.

There isn't one.

She's only got the lads' word for it.

Which means she's having
her leg pulled.

In jest.

Where are you going?

To find somewhere warm and secluded.

- [door opens]
- Have a nap.

Enjoy the wild-goose chase.

[yawns]

Alright.

Where are all the beds?

Hello, Mrs Pumphrey.

Mr Farnon.
How wonderful to see you.

You're quite well, I hope.

Oh. Fighting fit, yeah.
Thank you.

I'm relieved to hear it.

Looking for something?

I've lost a painting
I'm very fond of.

It's a landscape of the moors,
rendered in oils.

They must've moved it.

Don't they need to ask
permission for that?

[Mrs Pumphrey] Unfortunately not.

Every time my back's turned,
something's been moved or rearranged.

Must be a challenge, sharing
your house with strangers.

It's a minor inconvenience
in the grand scheme of things.

But I did try to take up
the matter with Matron yesterday.

She barely paid me any heed at all.

Preoccupied with the snake,
I should imagine. [chuckles]

The snake?

There's a snake?

Well... that's debatable.

Hello, there.

[Harry] Hello?

Hello, there.
Sorry to disturb.

- Are you looking for someone?
- Yes.

Well, no, not a person exactly.

Erm... I don't suppose
you've seen a snake?

[chuckles] No.

Sure?

I think I'd remember.

It'd definitely liven
the place up a bit.

Quite.

I see you've palled up with Tricki.

He's anyone's for food.

He's good company, though.

[Carmody] Dickens fan, are you?

It's like wading through treacle.

I thought I was the only person
who felt that way.

Library's as old
as this bleeding house.

What would be more to your taste?

Can't beat a good swashbuckler.

How about you?

Scientific periodicals mostly.

Hmm, well, each to their own.

Yes.

Anyway, I should go.

[Harry] This snake you're after...

...could it be venomous or whatever?

Depends on the species.

Quite a few types, are there?

Approximately 4,000 worldwide.

And did you know,
they're the second-largest group

of reptiles after lizards?

- [Mrs Pumphrey] Oh, Matron.
- Mrs Pumphrey.

Any luck finding
that painting you were after?

Er, not yet, no, but more worryingly,

Mr Farnon's just told me
about our uninvited guest.

Nothing to report as yet,
but we're leaving no stone unturned.

You didn't think I should know?

I didn't know you were here.

Well, I am, as is Tricki,

who I imagine looks quite tasty
to a reptile on the prowl.

He could be in danger.

We can't just have people
coming and going willy-nilly.

This is a hospital.

It's Tricki's home.

Not at the minute, it isn't.

Ah, now, I should just...

And if you wouldn't mind
looking for my painting, Matron,

I'd be extremely grateful.

Mrs Pumphrey,
I'm trying to make the best

of being overworked and understaffed.

The painting'll have to wait.

We should really fetch Tricki,
erm, just to be on the safe side.

We could split up.
Take a ward each.

Y-Yes. Good thinking.

Erm, you'd better start
with the library.

Unless you have any objection,
Matron?

Not at all.
Be my guest.

- [dog barking]
- Oh!

Oh, you wee scamp!

He never got you again?

Ah. Ashamed to admit it.

Rose has improved, though, I hope?

[Sid] Well, I gave her
that linseed oil, like you said,

but she's not too clever still.

[Mr Oakley] Morning!

Hello, Mr Oakley.

Mr Herriot.
It's a stoppage.

You can tell a mile off.

Still thanking your lucky stars,
I'll bet.

Feeling any better?

I'm grand, thank you.

So that's the trouble, then?
A stoppage?

There could be some kind
of obstruction, yes.

With digestive troubles they're often
notoriously difficult to diagnose.

She just needs a right good gallop.

My father swore by it.

Best way with a stoppage.

Well, don't let us hold you up.

[Mr Oakley] Cheerio!

I'll try a lavage first.

If there's something blocking her up,
it'll get things moving along.

So... So no galloping, then?

No galloping.

He means well,
but it's an old wives' tale.

It's not veterinary advice.

[Harry] So my mate Ronald's
inside the tank,

minding his own business,
when he hears this rattling sound.

- No.
- Yeah.

Damn thing's only got inside
and made itself at home.

A rattlesnake in a tank?
Their venom's deadly.

You should've seen them
come jumping out.

I've never known men move so fast.

[both laugh]

Sounds like you had
quite the adventure over there.

Well, I never had a mind
to travel before,

but it certainly opened my eyes.

What was the best part?

I couldn't get enough
of the heat and the food.

And some of the sights
was out of this world.

But the best part is probably this.

My ticket back here.

To see my girlfriend and my family.

Don't get me wrong,
I accepted my lot.

I did my duty.
You have to.

But the truth is,

everyone out there
is just counting the days...

...till it's time to come home.

If you don't mind me asking...

...how did you come to be injured?

[clears throat]
Lieutenant Farnon.

- Good to meet you.
- [Harry] And you, sir.

Private Harry Tucker.

Sorry if Mr Carmody's
bombarded you with questions.

Weren't you taking it easy?

Yes, I was, but Mrs Pumphrey
wants Tricki back.

[Carmody]
He'd clearly rather stay with Harry.

You'll keep an eye on him, won't you?

Of course.

- Fine.
- Good.

Yes.

But you're telling Mrs Pumphrey,

and believe me,
she's not in a pleasant mood.

Tricki?

He went that way.

Nice to meet you.

[Tricki barking]

[Tristan] Carmody!

There, there!

[door closes]

- [Carmody] Gotcha!
- [Tricki growling]

Why is he so feisty all of a sudden?

He's bonded with Harry.

Seems to be a great comfort.

That's why I wanted him to stay.

Harry's got him hooked
on titbits more like.

Right, have you got a decent hold?

Yes. He's not a Great Dane.

I were hoping to pick
your brains, Mr Bosworth.

I'm in need of a mattress.

I don't suppose you've got one
to spare in donations?

But... But only if you're sure
it's spare.

I'd hate to take something
I shouldn't.

[door closes]

- Oh, thank you very much.
- That'll be James.

Now, is there any chance someone
could bring it round today?

[James] Hello, there, wee man.

Hello.

Look who it is.

Mummy's coming.
Yes, she is.

Hello.

Good morning?

Challenging.

Sid Crabtree's got a cow
with a blockage, I think.

I'm gonna have to head up
after lunch.

- Did you flush her out?
- Twice. No change.

Ahh, well. It's time yet.
Like watched pots are cows.

I know, but Sid can't afford
to lose another animal.

I want to get it right.

[Helen] Well, what makes
you think you won't?

The postman said
I should give her a gallop.

- Mr Oakley?
- [James] Aye.

Well, he thrives
off telling folk what to do.

I know, but Sid was quite anxious.

I don't want him to think
I'm not being thorough.

Well, give the cow a gallop, then.

[James] You'd try it?

If it's what he wants
and puts his mind at rest.

It's his cow.

It could be rather satisfying
to prove Oakley wrong.

Especially when
it doesn't make any difference.

Two birds, one stone. Eh?

Two birds, one stone.

- [Jimmy coughs]
- [both laugh]

[groans]

No, it's no good.

Stuck fast.

We might have to try
and shin out of the window.

Locked, I believe.
No sign of a key.

Well, let's hope someone passes by.

Who?
This is hardly a thoroughfare.

Mrs Pumphrey
is already looking for Tricki.

She won't rest till she finds him.

You know, it was rude of you
to interrupt my conversation

with Harry.

You asked him outright
how he was injured.

What's wrong with that?

Everything.

He might not want to relive
what happened.

But I asked,
and he was quite happy...

Why don't we try just sitting
quietly for a moment, hmm?

Mr Farnon?

About that snake.

Oh, for the last time,
it doesn't exist.

You might want to reconsider
that hypothesis,

as he seems rather determined
to prove you otherwise.

Mm.

[snake hissing]

Good, old Mr Bosworth.

Much more comfy.

[Helen] Any sign of James?

Not since before. Why?

He's been struggling
with the Crabtrees' cow.

He seemed a bit out of sorts
about it.

[Mrs Hall] I don't mind having
Jimmy if you want to go up.

Oh, I can't give you another job.

Jimmy's not a job.

He's my favourite.

I insist.

[Helen] Well, let me give you a hand
shifting this upstairs first.

No, don't you worry.
I won't be shifting it.

About time Mr Farnon
made himself useful.

[Jimmy coos]

Isn't it?

[Helen muttering]

What a magnificent specimen.

Breathtaking.

Led us on quite the merry
dance, haven't you, Mr Python?

You'll be safe and warm in here.
That's it.

[stammers]
Make sure it can't get out.

[Tricki growling]

[Carmody] I'm beginning to understand
why you didn't want to look for him.

I put it down to laziness,
but it was something else entirely.

Makes perfect sense now.

The last thing I am,
Carmody, is lazy.

You're ophidiophobic.

Petrified of snakes.

[scoffs] I'm not petrified
of anything.

I just avoid them at all costs.

How does one manage that in Egypt?

With great difficulty.

Anyway, don't tell me,
you're an expert, are you?

Nothing of the kind.

This is the first python
I've seen in the flesh.

Read lots about them, though.

Well...

Catching it, that was, er...

that was brave.

[Tricki growls]

She's no better,
but she's no worse, either.

And that's a good sign.

Well, what now then?

Well, the lavage is still making
its way through her system.

Let's wait a little longer
before we do anything else.

She'll come right.
You'll see.

I'm glad she's in your hands,
Mr Herriot.

I've been wondering, erm...

It might not be my place to ask,
though.

Go on.

I hope it wasn't anything
too serious.

Whatever it was
that got you sent home.

Oh, erm...

...it was brucellosis, actually.

Not from here?

Could've been.

I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know.

Oh, it's not your fault.

It was just a fever
every now and then,

nothing of any consequence, really.

Unless you happen
to be flying planes, of course.

Anything doing?

Not yet.

Well, I've finished my round.

I'm ready and willing
to gallop her for you.

No charge.

It's up to you.

She's your cow, Mr Crabtree.

Alright. Yeah.
Go on. Let's give it a go.

Mrs Pumphrey's taking her time.

[Tristan chuckles lightly]

She'll find us.

So long as she hasn't been
speaking to the Matron again.

- Got herself thrown out.
- [Carmody] Why would she do that?

She hasn't been making
herself very popular.

Not happy sharing the place.

And she might not be the only one
who's been territorial.

Am I about to find out
I've done something wrong again?

[chuckles]

I meant me.

Perhaps I overreacted
very slightly about the room.

I apologise.

[Carmody] And I apologise for taking
your bed without asking.

Harry told me a little about
how eager he was to return home.

I must admit, I'd only considered
the logic of the matter before.

Not the feelings
you might have about it.

As I said, slight overreaction.

I'm in your way.
I'll find somewhere else.

I did intend to offer, but I confess
I've grown rather fond of the place.

Skeldale tends
to have that effect on people.

It does.

My parents...

...spend most of the year abroad.

So I grew up in boarding school.

It's been novel
to put roots down somewhere.

Then you'll stay, and we'll share.

Only if you're sure.

[Tristan] I'm sure.

That's if we ever manage
to escape, of course.

[Carmody] Yes.
I've had an idea about that.

Oh, really?
An ingenious plan?

Come on, then, let's hear it.

Help!

- [Tristan laughs]
- [dog barking]

Help!

- Help!
- Help!

That'll do it.
Mark my words.

[Helen] Reckon we'll let James
be the judge of that.

Well, have a look.

I'm not wrong.

[sheep bleating in distance]

Easy, easy.

No, can't be.

Has it made her worse?

[James] No, no.

She actually sounds
surprisingly good.

There now.
What did I tell you?

I promise you it was the timing,
not Mr Oakley.

He must have galloped Rose
at the precise moment

the lavage took effect.

You're alright, Mr Herriot.

I know you put the effort in.

She's on the mend, anyway,
and that's what matters.

Thank you.

I reckon things turned out
for the best, don't you?

The galloping?

Brucellosis.

We're both lucky, in a way.

- Lucky?
- Glad some good came of it.

See you next time, Mr Crabtree.

See you next time.

[barking]

Down! Get away with you!
Get away!

[Shep whines]

Cor, he frightened the life
out of me. I'm sorry.

You alright?

[James] It's Shep.

Loves to pounce on people.

I should have expected it.
It's silly, really.

I didn't mean to scare him.

Where's Jimmy, anyway?
Is he with his Auntie Jenny?

Mrs Hall.

So you could take me
to the Drovers on the way home,

- if you like.
- Oh, I can, can I?

Mm. Reckon you've earned a breather.

I'm fine.

Good for you.

I've had Jimmy, laundry,
and Tristan's bed to contend with.

- So I'm having a drink.
- And I'm not arguing.

- [Tristan] Help!
- [Carmody] Help! Help!

- Tricki?
- [Tristan] Help us!

- [Tricki barks]
- Mrs Pumphrey.

- Look who is it.
- [Mrs Pumphrey] Oh, Tricki.

- I could hear you miles away.
- [Tricki whines]

- Who's being m*rder*d?
- No one.

We were trapped.
The handle broke.

Tricki didn't want to leave the ward,
so ran in here to hide.

Oh, dear. He does take his duties
very seriously.

Maybe he could smell
that dreadful snake

and led you as far away from it
as possible.

Or the opposite, in fact.

Is it real?

Oh, definitely real.

Oh, Tricki.

I'm so sorry.

Would you like to meet him?

[Mrs Pumphrey] Oh. [chuckles]

You see, he might look frightening,
but he's harmless.

Just a long way from home.

In need of somewhere warm to lurk.

Rather misunderstood, I suppose.

[Mrs Pumphrey]
When you put it that way,

he doesn't seem
so dreadful after all.

Just trying to make sense
of where he's ended up.

Poor thing.

You quite alright, Mr Farnon?

Fine. Put the lid back on.

You must be exhausted
after your ordeal in that room.

Leave Matron to me.
I'll give her the good news.

Er, we don't mind
saving you the bother.

Don't look so worried.
I intend to be civil.

Very wise.

You take care of yourself, Tricki.

Be sure to keep the lid
on that box, Mr Carmody.

Goodbye, dear boys.

Come on then, Mr Python.

Let's get you back to the surgery.

Wait. What?
He's staying here, isn't he?

Did something else happen?

No.

I wanted to do
a good job for Mr Crabtree.

It was frustrating,
but we got there in the end.

We don't shut each other out, James.

I'm not.

Alright, there was one thing,
but it was barely worth mentioning.

Him and Oakley.

They both said I was lucky
to have caught brucellosis.

Well, you were, I suppose. Very.

That one visit could
have changed everything.

You don't agree?

I'm not sure, to be honest.

Well, you were sent home before
you finished your training.

That's fortunate in anyone's book.

The training's as dangerous
as the real thing.

Certainly felt that way
when my crew were shot down.

You never said.

I didn't want to frighten you
in case I flew again.

- Still.
- [James] It's alright.

Would it help
if you told me about it now?

[clears throat]

I've made my peace with it.

I'm so sorry, James.

We should go.

- Home?
- Not just yet.

There's something
I want to take care of first.

Mrs Pumphrey.

They'd taken it down
to make room for a notice board.

Turns out they put it
into storage for safekeeping.

Well, don't tell me
it's the wrong one.

Oh, no. It's perfect. Thank you.

[Matron] Caretaker found it, not me.

We've both found ourselves
in rather trying circumstances,

haven't we?

Not quite what we planned, but
we forge ahead as best we can.

You're doing an excellent job
for these men.

I'm sorry if I've made things
more difficult.

I might've been too brusque before.

But I'm not myself
with that snake creeping about.

- It puts me right on edge.
- Oh, well, you'll be glad

to hear that it's been
apprehended and removed.

Oh.

- I might finally sleep tonight then.
- Hm.

I'll be sure to give you notice
in future.

I didn't mean to be a nuisance.

Mrs Pumphrey.

The lads think the world of Tricki.

And it's obvious that you
care about them a great deal.

Yes, I do.

I always wanted this house
to be a haven for them.

I just didn't quite realise
I'd have to move out

as part of the bargain.

This is my father's work.

It's a view from the house
where I grew up.

Oh, you didn't grow up here, then?

Oh, goodness me, no.

I was such a fish out of water
when I first arrived.

But this picture
was always a piece of home.

I think I'll take it back
to the cottage with me.

I hope it helps you
to feel more settled.

Thank you. I'm sure it will.

[growls]

[Mrs Pumphrey] Come on, darling.

[James] Here you go.

Sorry I gave you a fright.

Come on, Shep.

Look what James has brought you.

It's juicy and delicious.

I'm sorry, boy.

Do you think I've broken his spirit?

- [barking]
- [Mr Oakley shouts]

[both laugh]

I think his spirit's doing just fine.

[laughter continues]

[Carmody] I've named him Schrodinger,
after the thought experiment,

because he was existent
and nonexistent simultaneously.

I see.

[Tristan] A private joke.

Although I definitely preferred
the nonexistent version,

which is why
I'm putting my foot down.

He's not coming anywhere
near the bedroom.

I'd be willing to negotiate on that.

Alright.

I suppose you can keep my bed
in exchange for no snake.

Done.

[snake hissing]

[laughing]

What's so funny?

I was pulling your leg. In jest.

For entertainment.

He won't be living in our room.

That would be ridiculous.

Well, then I take back
what I said about the bed.

Have a look at this.

Could that be
the beginnings of scale rot?

We'll have to treat it topically.

Keep him clean and dry
until he's recovered.

Hmm. Oh, Mrs Hall, there you are.

You'll be pleased to hear that, uh,
peace seems to have broken out.

Unaided.

- That's lovely news.
- Isn't it?

I only have one question.

How did you end up
in the manor together?

Mrs Hall insisted Tristan helped.

Is that so?

[Mrs Hall] All's well that ends well.

I think I'd better move on
and head upstairs,

just in case this one gets peckish.

Would you give us a hand?

- Sorry.
- Sorry.

I'm sorry I made a fuss.

I'm sorry for not being
a better referee.

Still, Mrs Hall seems
to have acquired a mattress.

We'll be queueing up
to sleep in the cupboard now.

[both chuckle]

She didn't need to go to any trouble.

No, I said that, but, um,

she's got this huge soft spot,
you see.

I kept it empty for a year.

Your room.

I thought you ought to know.

[Tristan] At one point,
I thought he was going

to throw it around his neck
like a scarf.

- His face was priceless.
- [laughter]

How did the poor soldiers cope?

Luckily, they didn't see the snake.

But Harry was tickled
when Tricki gave us the slip.

Who's Harry?

[Carmody] Served
in the fifth tank regiment.

- Injured in North Africa.
- [James] I'm sorry to hear that.

[Carmody] It was inspiring,
hearing about his travels

and adventures.

Sounds like an interesting chap.

He was.

He made me wonder if I
should follow in his footsteps.

[Siegfried] And join a tank regiment?

You couldn't see me driving one?

Richard, it took three people
to teach you to drive a car.

I'd play to your strengths,
if I were you.

- [Helen] Stick with the vetting.
- That's how you do your bit.

Probably not the best idea
I've ever had.

I can confidently say
it's the worst, my friend.

- [laughter]
- No offence.

None taken.

[laughter continues]

[fire crackling]

Here's to an undisturbed night.

Thanks to you.

[Mrs Hall] Oh, I didn't do much.

No. Just smoothed the waters.

Encouraged a friendship.

Pulled my head out
of a large pile of sand.

Thank you for your efforts.

I do like it when the house
is full... and happy.

So do I.

Although,
where are we keeping the snake?

Carmody will find a zoo
to help us with that.

[Tristan groans]

Oh, Mrs Hall's an angel.

This bed is utter bliss.

Nice try, but it won't work.

[Tristan] What?

You're trying to fool me into
thinking the grass is greener.

But we shook on our deal
fair and square.

It was completely underhand,
and you know it.

If you don't mind, I really
do need to get some sleep.

In spite of everything,

I've rather enjoyed our escapade.

[chuckles]

Yeah. Same here.

You could say you've grown on me.

Like bacteria.

Like bacteria. Exactly!

[laughs]

Good night, Tristan.

[Tristan] Good night, Richard.

I will find a way...

...to get my bed back.

I'd expect nothing less.

May the best man win.

[Tristan laughs]

[sighs]