01x13 - Send In The Clones

[bunniefuu]

I do solemnly swear that everything

I am about to tell you is true.

A spill of weirdness from

another dimension turned my

hometown into the center of

weirdness for the entire universe.

Don't believe me? Just watch.

You don't find answers

to life's great mysteries

at a science fair,

unless it's held in eerie.

Then it can bring you face

to face with one of the big

questions, like, how come

dads are sometimes dorks?

You didn't tell me that you were

involved in the science fair, Michelle?

I have to, Dad, counselors

to Ripley's science class.

Am I detecting a lack of enthusiasm, huh?

I wanted to do a major

scientific conundrum, like,

how come Loch Ness Monster

photos are always blurry?

Or why trailer parks attract tornadoes?

Instead, I have to do beans.

The relation to plant fertilizer to

increase fava bean production.

That sounds like a great project.

You know, beans,

beans, a magical fruit, you

know, the more you

eat, the more you eat.

Dad, it's beans! It's not edgy,

it's not exciting. I feel like a dweed.

Well, if you approached it with

more of your natural curiosity, I'm

sure that you would find it both

rewarding and somewhat less dweevish.

You know, you're right, Dad.

I like beans. I'm excited by them.

No, that's the spirit.

Maybe I can sprout ready-made burritos.

Oh, Mitchell, I remember

when I was stuck with a project.

I hate it when parents pull

generational rank on you.

Yeah, it was about your age.

My dad was never my

age, and even if he was,

the planet has definitely

evolved since then.

You know, I'll throw when you

look at it from the other side.

That's my way of peace.

Depothesis. Parents forget

what it was like to be a kid,

and believe you're going

through the same things they did.

They become boring.

There's no scientific way to prove

this theory. It's just based on fact.

Okay! Yema!

I think.

What a trip!

Who are you?

Eddie, you?

Uh, Mitchell.

What are you doing up here?

I'm trying to find out why I got

this green thing stuck in my navel.

I don't know if I'm liking it or not.

It's all right, Mom.

Don't go anywhere. I can't. I get busted.

Yema, I have my experiment, bro.

I always wear goggles, son.

Dad, was this jar important?

Mitchell, sometimes I wish you'd be

more careful. That was my appendix.

Your appendix?

I had it removed when I was swimming.

Just about your age.

I don't know why I hung on to it.

Just one of those stupid things

you do when you're a kid, I guess.

No.

Couldn't be.

Couldn't still be in the jar.

Oh, sure. It lasts forever.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Dad. I'll replace it.

Well, I did have it removed for a reason.

Could you excuse me for one minute?

Oh, I hope you don't mind.

I was getting cold, so I helped myself.

This drunk long has some dude named Edward.

Oh, right. That's my dad.

Cool tasting clothes.

Yeah.

Now I know why Mom does this shopping.

Hey, look. My stem fell off.

I must have been right.

There's going to be some logical

explanation for how you got up here.

You know what? I just woke up.

First I thought I was

in this far out dream.

You know what's strange?

Like, my name's Edward.

Your dad's name's Edward.

We like the same clothes.

And they fit perfectly.

No.

I just cloned my father.

What?

Uh, nothing.

I don't know.

Can I eat with you?

I got a major case of the munchies.

Uh, here.

He's on.

It's not much, but it worked for Superman.

Whoa. Cool. I can see better too.

Mom? Dad?

This is Eddie.

He's my partner for the science fair.

Nice to meet you.

Have we met before, Eddie?

Yes. You look very familiar.

Um, Eddie's not actually from

here. He's an exchange student.

Well, when I was Steve's mochacho.

Will you join us for breakfast?

Uh, thank you, ma'am.

Your mom's out of sleep, ma'am.

You just missed our daughter, Carrie.

Is she and her human pyramid too?

We're all competing in the

Tri-County Championship.

We're having scrambled eggs.

I hope you like them.

Mmm, my favorite.

We're all the best.

Why, thank you.

You know, Mary Ann and I met

over a plate of these very eggs.

And as I'm fond of saying,

it was love at first bite.

Well, these are definitely the

most far-out eggs I've ever had.

Edward used to say exactly the same thing.

It's, uh, quite a get-up there, Eddie.

Do you normally, uh, dress like that?

Well, sir, it's better than the

anonymous shirt and tie conforming.

That most people get suckered into.

And your parents don't mind

your wearing your hair like that?

I guess not.

You gotta let your freak flag fly, huh?

At least while you still got it.

In a way, this was going

as well as could be expected.

My dad didn't realize he was

having breakfast with himself,

and my mom hadn't noticed

that Eddie had the hotspot.

I was thinking maybe I could learn

something by spending time with this guy.

Wow.

You don't have to get up to

change channels or nothing.

Come on, Eddie.

I'm gonna be like for school.

Oh.

Let's skip.

Schools are for fish.

I used to think that way.

Then I realized I wouldn't accomplish

much in life without an education.

See me and the man, she

pressured for me to think.

She would buy into the system, right?

Young man.

I'm not sure I like- Eddie, I

think it's time we went to school.

That's right.

Let's go.

Okay.

See him out.

Kind of.

There's something about that boy.

You sure it's all right for

Mitchell to hang around him?

You don't seem kind of goofy.

Well, you weren't

much different at his age.

Just a little cuter.

Come on.

Mitchell, be fine.

But I never skip school.

I bill every Friday, man.

No cuter teacher wants to be

there, so you don't learn anything.

I say we checked out the

big classroom called light.

I can't believe you skipped school.

Skip.

Present tense.

Let's go.

Okay.

I couldn't believe it.

I was skipping school to hang with my dad.

And in Eddie's words, I was digging it.

This is so cool.

It's like lava.

It's all so good.

I haven't sold one of these in years.

It's the system, man.

I think everything needs a purpose.

But stuff like this is just fun.

You know, man, I've got some

tie-died shirts you might be interested in.

Or how about some more Supergirl?

It's, uh, on special.

Yeah.

Anything you need, Mitchell?

Yeah, I guess I'll have some fava beans.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit,

the more you eat, the more you.

What do you need the beans for?

I gotta start my stupid

science project over again.

Mitchell, you're getting

caught in the system's games.

Like your dad.

You gotta do what you want.

Well, that would be nice.

But, hey, I got a great project.

Dig it.

Electricity from a potato.

A potato?

Yeah.

You can run black lights.

Even your stereo system.

Hey, Mitch.

What have you been?

Uh, I got hung up.

Stanley, this is Eddie.

Peace, bro.

I gotta find some albums

to play with our petite.

Mm.

Who's he?

This isn't gonna make much sense.

It's perfect sense.

You had a plant fertilizer

to a 25-year-old appendix.

Mitch, what else would happen?

Well, how was I supposed to know?

Maybe Crawford's got some weed K*llers.

Stanley, he's my dad.

He's a lot more exciting than my real dad.

Get a grip.

He's a bean gone berserk.

Before you know it, he'll be stomping

areas if it was a balsa wood Tokyo.

Stanley, he's just a kid like us.

Ronald!

Well, not exactly like us.

But if I can get to know him, I

might understand my real dad better.

Playing with fire here, amigo.

I know, but I've got to do it.

The establishment don't want

people to have this knowledge.

It's alive!

It's alive!

Not only do you win the science fair,

but after you're done, whom for us?

Well, this is great, Eddie.

You know, if we made a

few adjustments, we could

turn this into the worst

stink b*mb, or your smell.

That'll show what we think

of their stinky science fair.

I don't think we are.

You know that would be kind of fun.

Mitch, your dad's not going to

like you pulling a stunt like this.

I mean, the science

fair is only one day

long, but he'll be mad

at you for a long time.

Don't be a part of the system, Stanley.

We got to show the establishment.

They can't push us around.

Yeah.

Can I tell you, let's go for it.

No!

I'm not getting in trouble on

account of some whack job appendix.

What?

Uh, Stanley?

Well, you heard me.

There's some wonky science

experiment gone wrong.

Some mutant bean that

turned into Mitchell's dad.

Uh, Eddie, don't ask me for an explanation.

Well, with those fava

beans last night, it turns

out I planted them in a

jar with my dad's appendix.

And I think you're him at 13.

I'm going to turn into your dad.

Bummer.

Oh!

I'm really going to turn into that.

So, anybody for dessert?

There's pie.

Why not?

We're not watching our waistlines, are we?

Maybe we ought to.

Yeah, Mrs. Taylor is a great cook.

That was some roast beef.

And those potatoes.

Oh!

Love it first bite.

And speaking of

potatoes, Eddie and I are

thinking of changing

our science fair project.

Oh, yeah?

We're going to generate

electricity from a potato.

You're not doing that experiment.

It's inappropriate.

How can a potato be inappropriate?

It just is.

No potato generator, Mitchell.

Just forget about it.

Wait a minute.

It's our science experiment.

You can't tell us what to do with it.

When you get a little more

experience with life, you'll understand.

You mean, oh, buy the system like you did.

Stop asking questions, get comfortable,

and let the man do what he wants with me?

Listen, Eddie.

I know you think you know what

you're talking about, but guess what?

You don't.

So I don't want to hear

another word about potatoes.

And that's final.

Eddie, wait!

I knew I should stop.

But like all mad scientists, I had to

see my weird experiment through.

And as always, you're

destined to turn up, Adri.

I'm not turning into him.

No way.

I'll solve him.

Why will I solve him?

I wish you'd change your mind.

We could get into a lot of trouble.

Like Eddie said, you're either part of the

problem or part of the solution, Stanley.

Spoken like a true vegetable.

So just me?

Where's this larger than it was last night?

It's got more wires.

Eddie put them on.

He thought they'd look cool.

By the way, where is Eddie?

Oh, he's checking out the competition.

Making sure no one else

is doing our experiment.

You mean getting electricity from a potato

or being assisted by a clone appendix?

Stanley, if you don't want

to be here, you can leave.

Now stick.

You might need all the help you can get.

Besides, I want to be here when

you put your new dad in the mulcher.

This is nothing.

Come back at noon and see

how much juice it's really got.

This is going to be so cool.

Hey, where's our power

to the potato banner?

Oh, the paint wasn't dry.

What's the point of the message if

nobody knows who's coming from?

You're right.

I'll go get it.

Right on.

I see you're going ahead

with your experiment.

Eddie's idea?

Well, not totally.

Your friend Eddie is quite a little rebel.

We're just having fun, Dad.

No, don't get me wrong.

I used to be somewhat of a rebel myself.

Cue?

Yeah.

That's why I didn't want you

to do your potato experiment.

See, when I was your

age, I entered a science fair

to make a statement

against the establishment.

With the potato?

Yes.

A lot of people don't

know this, but with

the right wiring, a potato can be

turned into a pretty good stink b*mb.

No kidding.

Yeah.

No, what I didn't know was too much wiring.

That stink b*mb can turn

into a volatile expl*sive.

Well, you know, seems quite silly

now, but I almost blew up the school.

Mitchell?

On behalf of the citizens of

Erie, I'd like to welcome you all

and invite you to see how fertile

the imaginations of our youth can be.

Things incorporated our sponsor

this year and, well, every year.

Hope one of the projects

displayed here today

can be turned into

a saleable invention.

And of course, bigger profits.

To that end, they've chosen two of our

leading citizens and myself to be the judges.

Like me.

Like you very much.

So enjoy yourselves as we make our rounds.

We'll be back soon toward

the prizes to our winners.

Eddie, we have to take

apart our experiments.

Are you kidding? It's just eating up.

A few more degrees and whoa!

Eddie, my dad says we made something

more dangerous than a stink b*mb.

Dad's always says stuff like that.

He's a scientist, Eddie, and he

knows what he's talking about.

Come on, man, the potato's ticking.

We gotta get out of here.

It's really good to stay.

Eddie, it's dangerous.

Only if you try to turn it off.

I'm sending my message, Mitchell,

and no one's gonna stop me.

Well, that's one terrific tuber.

Nick Harvard!

Mitchell, very impressive.

Stanley was just explaining how it works.

Nick Harvard, you have to clear

out this hole before that thing goes off.

Goes off?

You mean it might mash us?

I'm serious.

With the correct wiring, a potato

becomes a volatile expl*sive.

An expl*sive?

Yes, sir.

Where'd you hear that one?

My dad?

Nick, your dad's pulling your leg.

Probably worried to spuddle knock

the bottom out of his utility stock, so

You have to believe me.

Listen, little fella.

I've been around more

potatoes than most folks.

I've seen them turn into everything

from cheesecake to sausage ba*ls.

But I ain't never seen one

take out a science, mayor.

Stanley!

The lives of everyone

in this hall are at stake.

I told you that one.

My dad.

My first dad.

Do you have the plans?

Yeah.

So, Eddie, here things are heating

up with the old science fair, huh?

Yeah, they're gonna get real hot.

Right.

Eddie, is Mitchell with you?

No, sir, Mr. Taylor.

I wouldn't want to be a

bad influence on the boy.

Eddie, I'm sorry about

being harsh last night.

It's not your fault, man.

You're over 30.

That's what happens.

Actually, that's what happens

when you become a father.

That's may surprise you, Eddie,

but you and I are a lot alike.

So I'm told.

I think what I'm trying to say is

that I made mistakes growing up.

Everybody does.

Nobody likes to be told what to do.

No.

You're right.

Nobody does.

But try and look at it this way, man.

There's plenty of mistakes to

be made out there in the world.

Dad's job is just keeping his kids

from making the same ones he did.

How are we being exactly what he wrote?

Follow the green wire

to the potato's third eye.

Okay.

Okay, now pull out the blue wire.

Oh, there's no blue wire to pull out.

Okay.

Find the black and yellow wire.

Okay.

Um.

Stop!

Dad's job is keeping his kids from

making the same mistakes he did.

Dad's job is keeping his kids from

making the same mistakes he did.

Dad's job is keeping his kids from

making the same mistakes he did.

Okay.

Just green and red wire.

Well, it says whatever you do,

never, ever cut the chocolate.

The chocolate?

No, no, no.

Well, I mean this chocolate

where it says we fly nothing.

You look at it, it's off!

Stanley!

You are not pregnant, I get out!

Better green.

Dad's favorite color is red.

No!

Cut the green wire.

Why'd you come back, Eddy?

Dad's job is keeping his kids from

making the same mistakes he did.

I never saw Eddy after that day.

Next morning, all that was

left of him were his pajamas,

a dried-up bean pot, and

a shriveled-up appendix.

Your mother told me that

Daddy's gone back home.

Sorry, I didn't get a

chance to say goodbye.

I'm pretty sure a part of him

will always be with us, Dad.

Son, even though we had a

pretty good disagreement here, I

I'm proud of you for that.

I'm also happy you didn't

vaporize Main Street.

How come you didn't go through

with your stink b*mb, Dad?

Oh, friend stopped me.

His name was Mitchell.

Actually, you're named after him.

I thought I was named after Uncle Mitch.

Nah.

We just told him that, so he

would kick into your college fund.

Really?

Really?