01x03 - The ATM with the Heart of Gold

[bunniefuu]

MARSHALL: When Dad
created Mr. Wilson,

the friendly
automated teller machine,

he had no idea what was
going to happen to Eerie.

Welcome, friend.
I'm Mr. Wilson.

Please enter user
identification number.

Everybody's heard of the
Savings and Loan scandal.

Well, what happened to
my best friend Simon

is even weirder.

BOY: Ready? Let's party.

You know,

Savings and Loans have
been getting a lot
of bad press lately.

Well, time to change it.

Thanks to Mr. Wilson,

doing business at
First Eerie Savings
will be your pleasure.

And now I would like to
introduce you to the man
who made this all possible

Inventor. Sports enthusiast.

Family man.

Edgar Teller.

[APPLAUDING]

Thank you and
welcome, neighbors.

You now have a friend
in the banking business.

Unlike other automated
banking systems,

you will grow to like

and even look forward
to visiting

Mr. Wilson.

MARSHALL:
Dad said Mr. Wilson would
change the banking industry.

And Things Incorporated,

that's the company
he worked for,

was going to test it
right here in Eerie.

Please select a transaction,
Mr. Teller.

Not only is he fast and
accurate like other ATM's,

but Mr. Wilson is also

warm, dependable and
trustworthy.

Plus, he's
there for you,

when you need him


After all,

ain't it good to know

you got a friend?

Thank you all for coming.

MARSHALL:
Around here, good friends
are hard to fine,

especially for a
kid like Simon.

Too bad he didn't
have a bank account.

SYNDI: Encore, Dad.
It was great.

EDGAR:
I was hoping there would
have been a bigger crowd.

EDGAR: How was I?
MARILYN: Oh, you're
a natural, dear

Welcome, friend.

Please enter
user identification number.

S-I-M-O-N.

Some friend.

Knock, knock,
friend.

You know, I programmed
Mr. Wilson to be
not unlike myself.

So, his success has

not only boosted the company
but a nice compliment my ego.

I think this came out
of the Mr. Wilson.

It's a real 20.

You must be
mistake, Simon.

Maybe somebody
dropped it.

Keep it, kid.

And scram.

MARSHALL:
Everybody knows money
can't buy you happiness.

But Simon was
about to find out

money can buy you
big, big trouble.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MARSHALL: It didn't take long
for Mr. Wilson to find out
what I already knew.

In Eerie, people wanted
to be left alone.

Who knows what
weird stuff they were upto.

MR. WILSON:
Welcome, friend.

MARSHALL:
Luckily for Mr. Wilson,

Simon was more than willing
to make a new friend.

SIMON: Yo, Wilson,
how's it going?

Have a nice...a nice day.

MARSHALL:
In New Jersey, we had the
usual convenience stores.

We had a Stop and Snack,

the Pic and Go,

even a Save and Haul.

But here in Eerie, we've
got The World O' Stuff.

Place that invented
one stop shopping.

The World O' Stuff is run by
a weired guy named Radford.

Every time I saw him,
he was in a different disguise.

I can't prove it,

but I think he's in the
Witness Protection Program.

MARSHALL:
The Sky Monster.

Yeah, and like the
advertisement says boys,

"Not just a
tennis shoe,

ALL:
"It's a way of life."

Hey, Marshall.

Mr. Wilson told you
to have a nice day.

Now, the payment,
Nicholas.

Charge it, Radford.

The name is Rolfe.

Rolfe Schvimmer.

MARSHALL: Nic,

this should really
increase your hang time.

NIC: Oh, yeah man.
I'll be getting up.

What's hang time?

Ah, dork, dude.
Oh, man.

It's how high
you're getting up.

So?

Tomorrow's my birthday.

My Dad said he was
gonna think about

getting me a pair of
Sky Monsters too.

Tool.

Well, I'm starving man.
So let's get out of here.
Oh, me too, man.

My big guts are
eating my little guts.

Anybody want
something to eat?

All right.
Yeah, my man!

You can buy me
a jumbo ball
of chocolate milk ba*ls.

Milk ba*ls.

The ba*ls that go moo.

I'll get some for us.

Marshall, my parents
went to the Congo for
a couple of months and

left my brother
Ace in charge.

You gotta come over.

Plus, you guys should see
Ace's new girlfriend now.

She's not a girl, she's...

A woman.

MARSHALL: There comes a time
when you should hang out
with guys your own age.

Fortunately, Eddie and
Nic are about the best
Eerie has to offer.

Hey, thanks for
the eats, kid.

See you over there, Marshall.

MARSHALL:
Thanks, Sport.

MARSHALL: On the other hand,

Simon is definitely the coolest
nine year old I ever met.

For Nic and Eddie,

Simon's coolness lasted
about as long as it takes

to polish off a
bag of milk ba*ls.

Thanks for the chips, Simon,

You got any of
your 20 left?

No.

King for a day.

I didn't know
it was your birthday.

It's not.

I was just trying to
bug that guy Eddie.

I don't think
he likes me.

He's okay.

He just doesn't
know you yet.

So, let's do something.

I think I'm gonna
catch up to those guys.

Oh. Okay.

Well,

let me know if Ace's
girlfriend is a girl or a...

lady.

Okay.

I guess I'll
go home then.

MARSHALL: I felt bad.

I just dusted off
my best buddy.

But a man's got to do
what a man's got to do.

Someday, Simon would
understand that.

[PEOPLE ARGUING]

SIMON:
* Takes one down
And passes it around

* Eighty three bottles
Of beer on the wall

* Take one down
And passes it around *

Wish I had hang time.

* Sixty two bottles of beer

* Take one down,
Pass it around

* Sixty one bottles
Of beer on the wall

* Sixty one bottles
Of beer on the wall

* Sixty one bottles of beer

[HUMMING]

Hello, friend.

Please enter
user identification number.

S-I-M-O-N.

Hello, Simon.

Nice to see...

Nice to see you again.

How are you?

A. Fine.

B. Pretty good.

C.

I've been better.

Well, keep your chin up.

Tomorrow's another day.

Please select your
banking transaction.

Huh?

Help.

Wait...

Mr. Wilson...

Oh, no.

Remember, Simon,

I'm here for you.

Have a nice day,

friend.

MARSHALL: The very next day,
something strange happened.

Simon got the first new pair
of sneakers of his life.

And he paid cash.

You're definitely
getting air, Simon.

Oh, hi, guys.

Hey, those are
Sky Monsters part two.

With bubble soles.

More than just a shoe.

BOTH: "A sky walking machine."

EDDIE:
Happy birthday, kid.

NIC:
Yeah man, happy birthday.

My hang time wasn't
what it should've been.

Well boys, any
other requests?

Mr. Radford...

Uh... Steve...
Steve.

What's the biggest size
ice cream you have?

SIMON:
But the best birthday
present of all was he said,

"Simon, you're such
a good kid and all."
[BURPS]

You know how it is.

"I'm going to
raise your allowance.

"Have a nice day."

Your dad said
have a nice day?

Yup. That's my dad.

EDDIE: So how much
is he giving you?

SIMON:
I don't like to talk

you know, numbers.

You boys getting
enough to eat?

Umm...

You probably think this
will spoil my dinner.

You'll eat every bite.

Simon, I'm
making your favorite.

Swedish chicken.

Would you like
to come for dinner?

Swedish what?
What are you guys
going to do?

Oh, I don't know.
Hey, you got any more
of that allowance, dude?

We're gonna
hang around here.

NIC: Whoa! All right.

Let's go inside, man.

MARSHALL:
I couldn't believe Simon had
passed up Swedish chicken

to hang out with
Nic and Eddie.

Something was wrong.

MARILYN:
Honey, did you write a check
you didn't tell me about?

EDGAR: Uh, negative.

Only four more
Brussels sprouts, eat.

MARSHALL:
I had to find out what was
going on with Simon.

But first I had to escape
from those Brussels sprouts.

It's funny, only one customer
seems to be using Mr. Wilson.

You know, maybe if I came up
with one of those catchy
slogans for Mr. Wilson,

he would do
even more business.

Overdrawn $240.

Where does the money go?

Mom?
Hmm?

Can I be excused?

I finished all my
Brussels sprouts.

Sure.

Mr. Wilson, he's better
than Brussels sprouts.

Nah.

ALL: No. No.

MARSHALL:
Good luck Julie and Keifer?

What kind of
birthday cake is that?

SIMON:
I just got the
biggest cake they had.

It was on special.

I'm sorry I ditched you
the other day.

Ace's girlfriend wasn't
a girl or a lady.

She was lame.

[LAUGHING]

Sound like your mom and
dad are having a party.

My mom's not home.

Oh.

So...

Anything new
going on with you?

Anything
exciting or cool?

Anything...

unusual?

I've been seeing
Mr. Wilson.

So that's how you're getting
the shoes and the ice cream.

How can Mr. Wilson do that?

You don't have
an access code.

You don't even
have a bank account.

I don't need one.

He likes me.
He can't like you.

He's a machine.
No, he's not.

He's my friend.

Wow! Hey...

Yeah!

MARSHALL: It was true.

While I'd been spending time
with guys my own age,

Simon and Mr. Wilson
had become pals.

Good pals.

Extremely good pals.

BOTH:
* One bottle of
Beer on the wall

* One bottle of beer

* Take one down,
Pass it around

* No bottles of
Beer on the wall *

I'd like to get to know you.

Please select
another transaction.

How'd you become
such good friends?

I could have been anything,

a radar g*n,

a garage door opener,

but I wanted to
work with people.

Isn't he the greatest?

Simon, please may I
suggest a withdrawal?

A boy your day does have
expenses, you know.

Simon, I hate to be
the one to tell you this,

but we can get in
a heap of trouble.

All this money is got
to come from somewhere.

Mr. Wilson told me
he gets the money
from the big slurpee fund,

like all those
government guys.

You mean slush fund.

He said just think
of it as my allowance.

Simon, please go out
and have some fun.

And here's some for
your friends too.

MARSHALL: You got to admit,

Mr. Wilson was an
easy guy to like.

I'd never held $100 before.

Unfortunately, that's all
I could do, hold it.

Some how, spending all that
money just didn't feel right.

That didn't stop Simon.

To Simon, money was the
answer to all his problems.

Suddenly, he was cooler,

funnier, older.

Not that he spends
much on himself.

As far as I could tell,

all he bought was some clothes
and that pair of Sky Monsters.

But he sure loved
buying stuff

for Eddie and Nic
and the others.

Young kids, old kids.

All they had in common is
they wanted to be his friend

and spend his money.

Keep it.

Scram.

Hey, Marshall,

checkout my hang time.

MARSHALL:
He was flying.

But like they say,

what goes up,

must come down.

Use Hammerin when
you want to say

thank God I don't have
a headache anymore.

Now, here's tonight's news.

The fire department
had its hands full

with two engine
blazes today.

Problem is, we only
have one engine.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Hi.

It's just phenomenal.

Mr. Wilson did
upwards of $40,000
in business

over the weekend.

Funny that it's all
withdrawals though.

Well...

Somebody out there
must like him.

Well, once the people
get to know him,

how could they help not
fall in love with him?

So, Mr. Wilson is,
you know, okay?

Perfecto, garcia.

Yeah, I'll get him.
Hold on.

It's Mr. Chisel.

Yes?

Big trouble?

I'll be there is
two minute, Mr. Chisel.

MARSHALL: I guess the rule is

if something's
too good to be true

then it's probably
too good to be true.

The rampant bankruptcy
all adds up to one thing,

folks, we're broke.

Busted. Flat outta cash.

Penniless. In the red.

Destitute. Overdrawn.

The well is dry.

MARSHALL:
I decided to follow dad.

It was time to find out
for myself what exactly
was going down.

POLICE: Over a million
Simoleans...

Gone.

There's going to be
a lot of unhappy bank
customers tomorrow morning.

Somebody's gotta pay.

CHISEL:
Let me just say that I will
co-operate in any way I can.

Thank you Mr. Chisel.

We will probably
lock you up for
a few nights

on general principle.

I understand.

See ya, Eddie,

I'm leaving Eerie's
banking needs in
Mr. Wilson's hands.

Stay tough.

Mr. Teller, we'll be
embarking on

a very through investigation
over the next few days.

Whoever is masterminding
this is a genius.

Excuse me?

Don't leave town,
Mr. Teller.

MARSHALL: There's trouble
and there's trouble.

Eating ice cream before
dinner is one thing,

but never had I been in the
kind of trouble where they'd

throw my dad in jail.

MR. WILSON:
See ya, boss.

Have a nice day.

[SIREN WAILING]

MARSHALL: I had no idea
just how friendly Mr. Wilson
could get

with other people's money.

The entire town of
Eerie was overdrawn.

Even the World O' Stuff
was out of stuff.

Everybody was broke.

Everybody but Simon.

James, take these
babes shopping.

Hey Simon,
we gotta talk.

You guys go ahead.

Bye-bye.

What?

What is it?

We gotta give
the money back.

What're you
talking about?

You heard Mr. Wilson.

It's all from
the flush fund.

Slush fund, Simon.

And it's not from
a slush fund.

It's from other
people's accounts.

If you're rich,
it's because
somebody else is poor.

It won't be long before
someone figures out
where the money went.

The money is just
Mr. Wilson's way
of being a friend.

I know he's
your friend, Simon.

But if that money isn't
back by morning,

they're gonna pull the
plug on Mr. Wilson.

They're gonna
arrest my dad.

Come on.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

I don't want to go back to
being regular, old Simon.

I like regular,
old Simon.

I mean, look at you.

The way you act.

These clothes.

We used to hate
guys like this.

But I got all these
new friends now.

No you don't.

Hey, Nic.
Huh?

What's this guy's name?

Dude, what,
are you kiddin'?

It's my old pal
moneybags.

No, really.

What's his real name?

Hey, I don't know.

I forgot too, man.

It slipped my mind.

I'm Simon.

Simon...
NIC: That's cool man. I knew it.

MARSHALL:
We had no choice but to stuff

and lick a
deposit envelope

for every man, woman
and child in Eerie.

Simon would
never be the same.

Neither will my tongue.

Simon, where
have you been?

You know how
lonely I get.

We brought you
something, Mr. Wilson.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Well, I've got
something for you.

Select a transaction, please.

Deposit?

You made a mistake.

Try again.

No mistake,
Mr. Wilson.

We're giving back
all the money.

I'm sorry.

Wait Simon, you can't
do this to me.

Simon...

Simon...

We're hurting
his feelings.

He doesn't
have feelings.

Oh, yes, I do.

I thought we were friends.

You don't have to
give me money
to be your friend.

Wait...

Simon...

Why...are...you...

hurting me...
like this?

Simon.

Talk to me, Simon.

* One hundred bottles
Of beer on the wall

* One hundred
Bottles of beer

* Take one down,
Pass it around

* 99 bottles of
Beer on the wall *

MARSHALL:
It started to
make sense.

The more money we
put back into Mr. Wilson,

the more he acted
like a teller machine,

until almost nothing was
left of Simon's friend.

* 98 bottles of
Beer on the wall

* Five bottles of beer

SIMON: I hate doing this.

MARSHALL:
It probably went back
to the very first day.

No one but Simon would
treat a teller machine
like a real person.

I guess you gotta find
friends wherever you can.

I'm not a...machine.

Goodbye, Mr. Wilson.

MARSHALL: Mr. Wilson was never
the same after we
returned all the money.

Dad called it a short.

I called it
a nervous breakdown.

Even though Mr. Chisel
was cleared on all
counts of bank fraud,

a judge sentenced him
to 1,000 hours of
community service.

Just in case.

The least I could do was
make sure that Simon got to
have a real birthday party,

with his name on the
cake and everything.

Dad seems a lot happier now.

He says Mr. Wilson was
ahead of his time.

And even though Mr. Wilson
didn't change the way
Eerie did banking,

he did change the
way Simon and I
thought about stuff.

SIMON:
You know what's weird?

MARSHALL:
Bedsides Eerie?

They always tell you
you can't buy friends.

But I think you can.

You know, guys like
Nic and Eddie.

But it's like buying
expensive tennis shoes.

They cost
way too much

and they don't
last very long.

Hmm. Can I use that?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]