02x06 - Sidekick Ahoy!/The Hidden City Job

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half shell, Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil Paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Heroes in a half shell ♪

♪ Turtle power Rise ♪

[booming]

- Red Fox. Thank the moons.

The evil count and his robot vampires ambushed me.

Side note--that black hole machine's about to suck up

the galaxy in six seconds.

- In six seconds?

Leaping light years. There's only one thing to do.

[shouting in slow motion]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[machine whirring down]

[upbeat music]

- Yeah! - Whoo!

- Sometimes I think he won't save the galaxy in time,

but then he does!

- Um, are we still movie marathoning,

or is that the real Jupiter Jim signal?

- [groans]

Oh, boy. I hope that's not--

and it is.

- Well, if it isn't my alien turtle allies.

A pleasure.

Alas, I was hoping my signal

would bring back to me my dear friend Red Fox.

- You mean the one you kidnapped,

like how you kidnapped everyone else?

You're not gonna kidnap us, are you?

- No. Of course not.

Can you ever forgive me for acting like--

- You're forgiven!

- Then it's good that you've come.

Red Fox has abandoned me,

and an alien invader threatens life on Earth.

I need help.

One of you four must become my new sidekick.

- Gasping. - Your Jupiter-ness,

I would be honored to be your--

and now I'm tearing up here-- sidekick.

- Guys, I get it.

When we were toddler mutant ninja turtles we all dreamed

of being JJ's sidekick, but he's not a real superhero.

Remember, he's a crazy actor who thinks he's Jupiter Jim.

- But--but--but fun?

- Fine.

You three have your fun, but if any real crime--

- Okay, Mr. Jim. We are in!

- Sham-pow!

Tryouts will begin stardate now.

- Ugh.

Just make this stardate quick.

♪ ♪

- Huh? Whoa.

D, the captain's chair is not for sidekicks.

- Though, as JJ's biggest fan, maybe you deserve to sit in it.

♪ ♪

Hmm.

♪ ♪

- What's this?

- What?

Leo, a sidekick, sitting in the captain's chair?

For shame.

- Minus one space point for blue.

Everyone starts with space points.

First to wins.

- He couldn't have started at zero?

- Blue, minus another space point,

for asking questions about space points.

Now, the reason you're here...

- Wow.

You've got to tell me who your yarn guy is.

- This is the alien I've been tracking.

Scorpion.

I don't know what he's planning,

but he's been spotted at the b*mb factory and the zoo.

- [groans]

- Let's go ahead and get this competition started,

so Leo can lose more points.

- Trial one--weapons.

If we are to handle Scorpion's alien powers,

you must be as proficient with my tech as Red Fox was.

Now, engage. Winner gets a space point.

♪ ♪

[phone dialing] [cell phone rings]

- Ooh, give me one second. I'm getting a call.

Ugh!

[device beeps] - [laughing]

That is what you get for playing space camp

with Captain Coo-Coo.

- Trial Two--mortal peril.

Often, I'm in danger.

More often, you're in danger.

- It's like living inside a Jupiter Jim comic!

- Scorpion may capture you,

so show me who's got the best screams of helplessness,

so that I can find you.

- By the rings of Jupiter, save me!

- Save me pretty, pretty, pretty please!

- Save me, and I'll throw in a free month of IT support!

- Ha! Look at you guys.

Fake whining over clearly fake acid.

[slurping]

all: Ahh!

- It burns!

The sweet, bubbly acid burns!

Oh, wait, it's just soda.

[chuckles]

- Trial three.

Trial three-- taking out henchmen,

because Scorpion may have minions.

- Jaw drop.

Wow, you spare no expense on your training exercises.

- Still silly, just expensive silly.

- Space points for every hench bot you take out.

- Sidekick ahoy! [grunts]

Oh, that's cheating.

- Just preparing you for when allies suddenly become foes.

[laughing] - Like this!

- Nice, orange. Plus one space point.

- You know I don't like to share.

- Well, I've made my decision.

- Probably best to let the losers down abruptly.

- Agreed. Red, you're my new sidekick.

- What? - Me?

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

In your face! And yours.

And yours. And yours again.

- What? You didn't even want the job.

- That was before I won.

- Red wasn't even in the competition!

- Yes, but he's red, and I'm used to red sidekicks.

- You wouldn't understand. It's a red thing.

- All right, Red Fox ,

let's go save the world from Scorpion.

♪ ♪

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

- Have you seen a man who looks like a scorpion?

Snitches get stitches. I understand.

♪ ♪

- Come on, pal. We know you know something.

- [groaning]

♪ ♪

- Sidekick montages are fun.

- Can you believe Raph stealing our fake sidekick job?

I don't think I'm overreacting

when I say he is no longer a member of this family.

- Wait. Maybe this is a test.

Sir Jupiter wants us to keep fighting to be his sidekick.

- And I know exactly who can help.

- That loony goofus is still obsessed with Scorpion?

All those years saving the galaxy together,

and not a single "thank you," thumbs-up,

or patronizing hair ruffle. That's why I left.

- He's out there looking for you, you know?

- Leaping light years. Really?

I mean whatevs.

Let that hot dog find another sidekick.

- Yeah, whatevs.

Ah!

Did your tail just-- [gasps]

Are you a mutant?

- No. What's a mutant?

- Oh, so you're a yokai then?

- Uh, yeah-- I mean, no.

I mean this is-- this is just a costume.

- Dude, no need for secrets here.

[dramatic music]

- Whoa. You're--you're real turtle men?

- Real as rain, baby. - Look, guys,

I just want to move past this whole cosmic kerfuffle

and focus on the serious art of acting.

- Two minutes until you're shot

out of the space alligator's nose, Ms. Fox.

- Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get into character,

before I climb into the snot cannon.

♪ ♪

- I really thought that camel alien

was going to spill the beans. [cans clattering]

Someone's following us, Red Fox .

Quick, duck into that zoo storage facility.

- You mean into that creepy and poorly-lit dead end

with probably no exits

and where we'll be totally trapped?

Sure thing, boss! Having fun is fun.

Gotta say this part isn't all that fun.

- [laughing]

You walked right into my trap.

- Scorpion.

- Wait. This is real?

- You may have found my stinger bombs and vat of acid,

but you'll never foil my plan, space freak.

- You're a real alien? - Alien?

No.

My coworkers at the zoo locked me in the scorpion pit

where I got bit by some glowy, green bug.

- A mutant? Of course.

Wow, Raph really whiffed on this one.

- Now, once you two are blown into bits,

and your bits are dissolved in acid,

I can carry out my truly evil plan of exterminating

my old coworkers and that one camel.

[laughing] [devices beep]

- In all my years with Red Fox, we never got trapped together.

I blame you.

- Sham-pow! Real sidekicks in the house.

- Hold up.

You made your own alien Scorpion plus bombs and acid?

Respect.

- No, no, guys, it's all real! Dude's a mutant!

- Pretty sure he's an alien.

You three, free me so I can stop the stinger bombs.

- Don't listen to him. This ain't a Jupiter Jim comic.

You gotta defuse the bombs yourselves!

- Sidekicks defusing bombs?

What is this, a Lou Jitsu movie?

- [grunts]

[all shouting]

- Ah!

Guys, Red's right. Real acid.

Real mutant. - [grunts]

[laughs] [grunts]

- Ah! Ah!

- Feels like it might be time to stop listening

to our comic book leader and do our real leaders thing.

- [screams]

[exciting music]

[devices beeping]

- [snarls]

[device beeps]

Ahh! [breathing heavily]

Okay. Well, try to stop this.

- Ahh!

- [snarls]

- Red Fox one? - Holy nebulas!

You've come back to me.

♪ ♪

- Defeated by a band of freaks! [grunts]

- We can still see you.

You have to move before the smoke clears.

- Oh, peanuts. - Good grab.

A million space points, old chum.

- A million.

I still have a chance though, right?

- I've done it again, for the th time.

Jupiter Jim saves the galaxy.

- Ahem.

- With the help of his sidekick Red Fox.

Thank you, my friend.

- You thanked me! That's all I ever wanted.

Consider me no longer space mad at you.

- Tough news, turtles.

The sidekick position has been refilled.

Farewell.

- Well, I guess we learned our lesson.

Stay away from actors.

- But if anyone is still looking for sidekick work,

I am interviewing.

- Pass. - Minus one Donnie point.

- Okay, Senor Hueso, my beloved brother Donatello

and I had a bit of a spat, so what kind of pizza says,

"I'm so sorry I called you a selfish, egg-headed weirdo?"

- [groans] I don't know.

Hawaiian? - Ooh.

Donnie considers pineapple and ham "incompatible."

Like I said, a weirdo.

- [groans]

[suspenseful music]

- What? All right.

Get out, you miserable cur!

- Okay, I'll get the Hawaiian. Mama mia.

- [grunts]

[both grunting]

- Capitan Piel?

What brings you to this dump? How are things?

Mmm. - [shouts]

- My brother is here. He is up to no good.

- Hueso, I have gone straight. No more crimes.

No more piracy.

- I don't believe you! Huh?

[grunts] Ah!

- My brother, I come to you for help.

- I will help you. - Huh?

- To the door. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't just kick out your untrustworthy criminal brother.

He's family. So what do you need, skin man?

- Just a favor.

I have given up my own life, but to be fully free,

there is one last debt I must repay.

So I humbly ask your help on one last mission.

- No.

I do not need my life shaken up like a cheap vinaigrette.

- Ah, I knew it was a mistake

to expect you to give me a second chance.

- Wait.

I know a brother squabble when I see one,

and there's no one better to un-squabble you than moi.

- Aren't you here because you had a fight with your brother?

- And if someone didn't try to up-sell me on Hawaiian,

I'd have fixed it by now.

Capitan Piel, you can count on us.

Vamanos!

[upbeat music]

- So what is this mission of yours?

And it better not involve theft.

- Ah, is it theft to take something

that already belongs to you?

Three weeks ago, someone stole from me the one item I need

to pay the most crucial debt of all.

- An ethically-acceptable heist.

What's the plan?

- We must infiltrate an auction tonight

for the Hidden City elite.

There we will find the treasure we seek,

but to fit in with the glamorous guests,

we will need a fancy ride to fly us to the auction house.

- A simurgh? We can't afford--I knew it.

You are stealing one. - I'm sorry.

Without bones I do not gesture very well.

We will tame a wild simurgh. [squawking]

- So what's the deal? Break it like a bronco?

Kiss it like a coyote? Ride it like a rainbow?

- Sure, hop on. - Rah!

Yee-haw! [squawks]

Ooh. [groans]

[both laughing]

See?

I'm un-squabbling you two already.

- Let's get on with it. Piel, play the jaunty tune.

- [chuckles]

[flute plays]

♪ ♪

Ha, ha! We have caught its eye.

Dance the joyful dance.

- I will dance,

but the childlike joy will not be in my heart.

♪ ♪

- Yeah! [squawking]

- She has accepted us.

Great work, my brother. Now, get into the joey pouch.

- What? No.

- Hey, my invitation is for one.

I will need to sneak you two in.

- Hueso, if your brother asks you

to get in a joey pouch, you get in a joey pouch.

Now, what's a joey pouch?

[suspenseful music]

- That chicharron stuffs us into a joey pouch?

He is just using us.

- Man, I gotta get one of these for the lair.

♪ ♪

[squawking]

♪ ♪

- She's taken the Hidden City by storm

with her new battle nexus champion

Shadow Fiend, and now,

she has us all under her eight iron thumbs.

Give a mandatory warm welcome to your host,

Big Mama!

- Hello, my money-tacious monsters.

Are you ready for a little biddly-boo?

- Piel, you did not tell us

this was her auction. - Ah, si.

Si, but only because if I did, I knew you wouldn't come.

- Remember, this is all to raise money

for my favorite charity--

me and my upcoming fantabulous battle nexus wizbang.

- Hmm. Since I wish to live,

I will be not taking from Big Mama today.

- What? You can't quit on your brother.

When Donnie needed me to pull his baby tooth did I give up?

No.

I kept yanking and twisting and pulling till it came out.

Sure, it was the wrong one, but it was a big tooth.

- Fine. Let's get this over with.

- Here's the plan. We are after item .

That's three eight. Once the items are sold,

they go back into the impenetrable vault,

so we must--absolutely must get item

while it is still backstage.

- Item sold. - What?

- Take it to the impenetrable vault.

Now, onto item one.

- Who does item first? - Ah, well, this has been fun.

Shall we get a nice falafel?

- It's gone into the vault! - No, we can still get it.

We just need something to sell.

- And open the biddy-wids on item two.

- [clears throat] Uh, we have item ..

I do not think this will work.

- Yes it will. Just read the card.

- [sighs]

Item .. The turtle Adonis.

Behold, the exquisite physique, the chiseled chin and--

- Stop the auction. - [shouts]

[shouting] - [teeth chattering]

- [grunts] I love it.

I had no idea we had an item this scrumulent.

Take it to my private gallery.

- No.

I mean I will give you one doubloon.

- I guess I don't want it that much.

Sold. Take it to the vault.

both: Ahh!

[both shouting and grunting]

[rattling]

- We're in. Now, to find item .

- Wait.

We are alone in a vault with no means of escape,

and Piel is nowhere near. We have been set up.

- Dude, chill. Bros always have your back.

We'll find item and he'll be right outside the door,

ready to whisk us away in that snooze-tastic joey pouch.

Hey, hey, hey. Here it is.

It feels empty. I shall open it.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [squealing]

- Ahh!

- It is a banshee box!

[metal clanging]

I knew it. - Huh?

- He is using us as bait while he steals something else.

[sirens blaring]

- Classic brother betrayal.

My brothers do that all the time.

[grunts]

[tense music]

[both breathing heavily]

♪ ♪

Hey, our birdie.

[grunts]

- Ah. - Piel?

- Hueso! Leo!

I was just coming to get you.

- You were not. You set us up to take the fall,

so you could pull off another one of your crimes.

- It is true that I used you as a distraction,

but I knew you and your clever partner would escape.

- Liar, liar.

Although you do have a great point about how clever I am.

- Believe me, Hueso.

I just wanted to get this treasure back for you.

- For me? - Si, hermano.

The last debt I had to pay was to you.

Something I took from you many years ago.

- [gasps]

My jewel-encrusted pizza cutter!

This was a gift from Papa.

- I took this from you because I was jealous that

Papa never gave me anything so nice.

- Papa bought you your first ship!

- Well yes, yes, but that was after the pizza cutter.

By then, I was already scum. But I always felt guilty.

I even made my pirate flag in your image,

as a way of saying I love you.

[dramatic music]

- Aw, see? Brotherly love never dies.

I'm so glad you got back together.

Anyway, we've been surrounded by g*ons for some time now.

[all snarling] - Hah!

[tense music]

[all shouting]

- Yes.

- No.

- [grunts] - A turtly-boo.

What is with you and stealing from Big Mama?

Oh, well. - [stammers]

I've been itching for a good thrashy-diddle.

- Uh, guys, the clever one is wondering

if you know a way out of this?

- Maybe.

Piel, remember how close we were as children?

- Ah, skin and bones. Together again?

[electricity sparking]

♪ ♪

- Wow, you guys are handsome.

- Leo, do not stare directly at Don Suave.

[Spanish guitar music]

- Oh, giggly-bee. [giggling]

♪ ♪

Ooh! - Guino.

- [squeals]

- Milada. Carisa.

Sensual. Fuego.

Besito.

[booming]

♪ ♪

Machismo.

♪ ♪

- Ooh!

Mm! - [squawks]

[sneaky music]

- Thank you, pepino, for helping me to reunite

with my beloved brother.

As a token of gratitude, a free pizza.

- And you know what I'm gonna do?

Share it with my beloved brother.

♪ ♪

[grunting]

Ah.

- Oh, you were so right, Leo.

This joey pouch is a tropical paradise.

- Pizza? - Ugh, Hawaiian?

- Just eat it, you weirdo. - [squawks]