01x01 - Mystic Mayhem

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell
Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil
paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight
Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills
Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other
they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell
Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

- Hey!
Huh?

- What the--
- Easy there!

- Hey, I'm shopping here!

[dramatic music]

[both grunting]

♪ ♪

- Whoa!

- Ah!
- Not cool, dude!

- Ah!
- You gotta watch

where you're going, man!

♪ ♪

- This way.

[growls deeply]

- [whines]

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

[dog growls]

[instrumental hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

[guests talking indistinctly]

♪ ♪

- Huh?
[laughs evilly]

- Ya!
- Ha!

- Hoo!
- Ah!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Yellow Submarine,
are we clear?

- Affirmative, Red Rover.

- Copy.
Right, boys.

It's go time.

♪ ♪

- [laughs evilly]

♪ ♪

[record scratch]

[dramatic music]

- Cow...
- A...

- Bun...
- Ga!

all: Cannonball!

- Whoo!
[muffled speech]

Whoo-hoo!

[all cheering]

- Ha! You must be this rad
to ride that ride.

- Uh, based on our velocity
and entry angle,

I concur.
We rad.

- You guys crushed it!

Give me five!
Or three.

- Couldn't have done it
without you, April.

Our girl with the plan.

- And keys to the roof.
- Hmph.

- Let's go bungee dunk
on the hoops at Rucker Park.

- Game on!
Just one thing first.

"Wet Floor"
and "Dry Pool."

Our work is done here.

Donnie, can I hitch a ride?

- No probbles.

- [grunting]

Uh-huh!
Uh-huh!

- Huh?

- [whimpering]
- Aww.

Oh!

Hey!
Hey, guys, hold up.

Poor thing looks lost.

- [growls]

- Aww.
Hey, little guy.

[cutesy voice]
What you doing here?

[kissing noises]
Come to big Raphie.

[laughter]
What?

Pets love me, all right?

I am at one
with the animals.

- [growls]

- Aww.

I didn't get this drenched
from the cannonball.

- It looks so weird.
What is it?

- Maybe it's some kind
of nuclear St. Bernard.

- [angry scoff]
- [gasps]

- Ooh!
Humans!

[whispering] Initiate plan H.

- Um, excuse me, sirs.

Can you direct us
to the local

science fiction convention

that we are currently
dressed for?

- [nasally] Snazzy alien turtle
outfits, huh?

- We are just typical,
normal humans

who got lost
in the middle of our normal,

everyday human lives.
Nailed it.

- [quietly] Dude, you gotta
make it to rehearsal.

- [Russian accent]
Give to me creature.

How you say...

Pretty please...

Or I'll destroy you.

- Really?
You think you're gonna step

to our friend?
Rookie mistake, hoss.

- And if you step to my friends

for stepping to you

for st--stepping to me?

You're gonna have
to step to me.

Mm-kay?

- You do not intimidate us,

with or without
your fake nerd voices.

- That was actually
my real voice.

- Well, you better
get intimidated,

'cause we're like nothing
you've ever seen.

- What's wrong with my voice?
- Mm?

[dramatic music]

- Whoa!
- No way!

- Dude.
- Jumping Jack Flash!

- Whoa!
- Whoa.

♪ ♪

[growling]

♪ ♪

- So...
You guys from Jersey?

- Really, Leo?

- What?
I can't make a joke

in the middle
of the craziest thing ever?

That's how I cope.

- Whatever.
This is our chance

to finally use
these babies.

Weapons ahoy!

- We agreed to reserve "ahoy"

for ship-based adventures,
pal, please.

[snarling, barking]

- Guys, I got this.

[electronic fanfare]

Fibonacci!

Oh, no.

Ah, no, n--
oh, no, no.

That's so bad.
- Dog thingy!

[rock music]

- Hey, it plays fetch.

And teleports, which is--

oh, my gosh, it teleports!

- [growls]

[zapping sound]
- Ah!

- Donnie!
- Pro tip:

the inexplicable glow-y wave--

extraordinarily painful.

[groans]
- [gasps]

- All right, Mikey.
You take the one

that looks like
a broken toaster.

I'll take the guy that looks
like a fancy trash can.

- They look exactly the same,

and they don't look
like either of those things!

- Hey, where are you going?
- [snarling]

- You had to ruin
cannonball day.

[dramatic music]

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[metallic ringing]

[awkward music]

- [growling]
- My swords!

- [laughs]

[snarls]

- I don't need weapons
to beat you!

I got my rad skills!

[grunts]

[dramatic music]

- [coughs]

Mikey, ninja mode.

[disquieting music]

- [growls]

[growls]

- Okay, uh, there's a chance
he can still see us.

Ah!

Plan double-B!
- Yeah!

- Brother-ball!

- [triumphant cry]

[various martial
cries and grunts]

- [low growl]

- Ha! h*! Take that!

Had enough yet?

- [growls]

- My 'chuks!

- Hey, why don't you pick

on someone my size?

[bell dings]

- [loud barking]
- Ah!

Ooh!

Ah!

[coughs]

[grunts]
Ah!

[high-pitched cry]

Ah!

- Hey, trash can
and toaster boy!

If you know
what's good for you,

you'll leave my friends...

[quietly] Alone.

What the--

[ominous music]

No!

No!

♪ ♪

- I have the agent
and the vial.

Hyah!

♪ ♪

all: Whoa!

[bicycle bell rings]

- Sweet shortcut.
Wait!

This is not a shortcut!

[screams]

- Ah!
Good to know.

- [whines]

- The dog thingy!
- Hey!

April!
No!

Oh.

April!
- I think she's okay,

'cause there's no, like,
April bits on the ground.

- Hey, April, are your bits
on the other side of the wall?

How do we get her
out of there?

- And--equally important--

where is "there"?

- Oh, hey!
I've seen this before!

In fact, we all have.

[foreboding music]

In Splinter's
do-not-touch cabinet.

- You're right.
It's just like the symbol

those creeps have.

- Should we just ask him
for it?

- And what do we say if he asks
why we want it?

That we need it to go after
our best friend,

who disappeared into a wall

after our priceless weapons

were destroyed
by mystical jogger guys?

- Shh!

Okay, here's the plan.

We gotta get Splinter
out of the room.

[TV voice-over in Japanese]

Hey, Pop.

Any chance we could have
the living room tonight?

- [slurps]
Mm?

[laughs]

[coughs]

And I thought purple
was the funny one!

- I told you guys
I was the funniest.

What if I hooked it up so that

you could watch in bed, huh?

Wouldn't that be even lazier?

- No!
My butt is asleep,

just how I like it.

Now, leave me be!

They're about to break out
the scorpions!

[laughs]
[TV voice-over in Japanese]

[laughs]

- Plan one didn't work.

New plan.

All right, listen up.

We need ten chickens,

a gallon of rubber cement,
and--

- Leon's got it.
- How'd you get it?

- You know he always passes out
after milk and cake.

- [snoring]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- A few hours ago,
I would've called this

foolish and impossible.

Now I just call it foolish.

- Say what you want, Donnie.

Raph'll pull it off,
'cause if he doesn't,

we'll lose our best friend
forever.

- Mikey, don't say that.

You know he chokes
under pressure.

- Leo, he's even more
self-conscious

when you talk about it.

And then you can smell
his fear.

- Stop talking
about my fear stink!

[dramatic music]

[awkward music]

♪ ♪

[grunting]
Come on!

Stupid wall!
Oh!

- How about we let
the artist of the crew

take a poke at it?
- I say give him a shot.

I mean, he can't do any worse,
respectfully.

- Hey.

[smooth music]

- Mm.

[dramatic music]

Oh.

[triumphant cry]

♪ ♪

- You beautiful fools.
It worked!

- All I had to do
was believe in myself.

- Okay, uh,
what do we do now?

- Cannonball!

all: Cannonball!

[dramatic music]

[pained grunts]

- Land safely...
Aha!

Oh, whoa!

- Whoa, whoa.

- I can smell Raph's
amazement stink.

[awed music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa.
- This is crazy.

- Exactly what I expected.
- Are you kidding me?

- Psst!
Hey, guys, over here.

- April!

[laughter]
- Missed you!

- Yeah.
- Donnie, where are we?

- According to my calculations,

we are in
a tertiary meta-verse.

- Actually,
I've been exploring,

and we're
in a mystic hidden city

deep under New York!

- That was my second guess.
- Whoa.

- So where's the dog thingy?

- He's in there.

[dramatic music]

[all gasp]
- Oh, look at the color scheme.

Whoa, I'd love to do my lab
in this style.

- Hey, there's the little guy.

And the delivery guy, too!
- [growls]

- We gotta help them get out!
- Someone's coming.

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

- If you're the guy
that keeps calling

about the calamari, fine,

it's pig butts!

But the crab cakes are real.

- I assure you,
I have no interest

in your petty cakes of crab.

- But we would love
to hear more

about those pig butts.

- Ah!

- So nice of you
to return my vial.

♪ ♪

You are about to be part
of an experiment

that will change
the very nature of humanity.

- All right!

all: Hm.

♪ ♪

- This dude looks like trouble.

- Yeah,
and if I've learned anything

from "Jupiter Jim" movies,

glowing green
usually equals bad.

♪ ♪

- So...
is this gonna hurt?

- It will...

if I'm doing it right.

♪ ♪

- Hey, that wasn't so--

oh, ow.
Okay, this part hurts.

This part--oh!
This part hurts.

Ah, that hurts!

- Oh!
- What's happening to him?

- That is messed up.

[eerie music]

- [gurgling yell]

[uneasy groans]

- Yeah, jury's in.
That was imitation crab.

- I just got used to acne.
Now this?

[screams]

- [laughs]
Should we go after him, boss?

- The mutation worked,

just like it did
all those years ago.

- Mutation?
You mean like us?

[gasps]
Could we be--

- Part imitation crab?

- [laughs]

You are not kidding, are you?

- I'll deal with you next.

- We can't let
that sheep-horned weirdo

do anything to that dog!

- But except for Donnie,
we're out of weapons.

- Note to you: Next time,
make your weapons

out of high-grade titanium.

- Guys, who needs weapons?

We're ninjas!

Leo's got his mad skills,

nobody flips better than Mikey,

Donnie's got
that big old brain,

and I got, uh--
- A friend who knows

where there's a room
full of weapons!

- Ah, thank goodness.
We were so dead.

[rock music]

all: Ah!

♪ ♪

- No way!
- Whoa!

- It's like if magic
and science had a baby!

- Oh, yeah!

- These'll do.
- Hey, yo, guys!

How about we take
the glow-y ones?

- Oh...

- Oh, dibs on the sword!

Oh, boy!

- Hot soup!

- Boom!
Huh-ha!

♪ ♪

- What about you, Donnie?

Don't you want
a glow-y weapon?

- No, I'm good.

I'll never let you go.

This looks interesting, though.

- Oh, yeah!

- Let's go save
that dog thingy!

[disquieting music]

♪ ♪

- [laughing]

- Finally,
after all these years,

I can continue my work.

[loud impacts]

- Yah!
- Whoa!

- [laughs]

- What?

- All right, you incredibly

unusually buff bookworm,

give us the little guy,

and you'll walk out of here
with your horns still attached.

- Shouldn't we also stop him
from creating crab-men?

- Good note.
Okay, give us the little guy,

stop creating crab-men--
- Imitation crab-men.

- [exasperated sigh]
- Okay, good note.

Stop creating
imitation crab-men...

- And a ride home,
and a limo

with a hot tub
and pizza!

- Stop creating
imitation crab-men

and you'll walk out of here...
- You're... beautiful.

- Raph, why don't you take it
from the top again?

- Here goes.
First, you apologize

to the dog thingy--
- Let's do this!

April O'Neil!

- Oh, my gosh.
She just ran in.

- [straining, grunting]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I hate this!
I hate this!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Gah!

♪ ♪

[ominous music]

- Whoa!
- Oh, my gosh.

- Whoa, whoa.
- Dude, seriously?

- Ah!
It looked at me!

♪ ♪

[all groaning]

- [roars]

- This one's got
a little spice.

- Capture those specimens!

- Cowabunga!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Yah!

- [roars]

♪ ♪

- Hot soup!

Oof!

Whoa!
Whoa!

♪ ♪

- No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

- Look out, guys!
- Whoa! Whoa!

♪ ♪

- Ha!
Nailed it!

- Accidentally impressive.

With a little bit of training,

you could be as formidable
as I'd hoped.

- [coughs]

- It's okay!
I got this!

- Okay, well, great,

and since you're
surrendering...

- [laughs]

Baron Draxum

does not surrender.

- Okay, well, when he get here,
we'll deal with him--

oh, h*, h*, I see.
You're doing that whole

"sinister talking
in the third person" thing.

- Only Raph can use
the third person!

All right, guys, time to put
our training to use.

- What training?
You guys have been training?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Cowabunga!

all: Ha!

- Ah!

[all yell]

- Ah, oof!
- Ah!

- And that's why
Baron Draxum--

- Ooh!
Oh.

I'm sorry, boss.

- Ha!
[grunting]

[comical music]

[dramatic music]

- Oof!
- April!

- You did not just do that
to our friend!

Ha!

- Huh?

- [laughs]

- Whoa.
Magic weapon--

Whoa!
Whoa!

Oh! Ooh! Oh!

[yelling, screaming]

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Ah! Ooh! Oh.

- Whoa!

Mikey, that was awesome.
How'd you do that?

- I don't know, man.
I was just

swinging my weapon,
like this,

and all of a sudden...
- [laughs]

- Just like that.

- Let me try.

Magic weapon, magic weapon,
magic weapon, magic weapon!

Ah, yeah.

Magic weapon!

Ooh!
Ow.

Mine works, too.

- Can't wait to find out
what mine does!

[dramatic music]

Ya!

- Hm?

- [uneasy laugh]

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa!
Ah!

Get.. me.. off... this... ride!
Whoa!

- And that's why I like
fighting the old-fashioned way:

with impossibly futuristic
high-tech weaponry.

[grunting]

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

Just like I planned it!
- Look out!

- Oof!
- Ah! Oh! Ah!

- You fight
like untrained buffoons,

but under me, you could become
true warriors!

[dramatic music]

- We don't spend
enough quality time together.

- Oh, please not now, Mikey.

- How are we gonna save
the dog thingy now?

- Donnie's on it.

♪ ♪

[visor alarm blaring]

Wait a second!
Ah!

- Turtles, why are you trying
to stop my plans?

We are all in this together!

- Ah, hey, I don't know
if this is part of your plan,

but the lab's about to explode.

♪ ♪

- Aw, nuts.

[buzzing]

[all yelling]
- Little guy!

Can you do your thing
and get us out of here?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[all yell]
- Ooh!

Oh, no!
Splinter's doohickey!

- Man.
Are you okay, boy?

Or girl?
You sure were good

through all that mayhem.

Hey, mayhem!

That's a cute name.

- We just defeated
a boss villain.

We're heroes!

We deserve a name
like Mad Dogs.

[dramatic music]

- Mad dogs?
You don't think something

like Mutant Ninja Turtle Teens
or... I don't know.

Maybe--we'll
keep brainstorming.

- Huh?
- Hm.

all: Oh!

[ominous music]

- Huh.
That can't be good.

- We should go.
People's blinds

are starting to open.

[dramatic music]

[rock music]

♪ ♪