14x13 - Sandy's Country Christmas

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids:
Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

kids:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- Ready?

all:
SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat bluegrass music]

♪ ♪

- Howdy, folks.

Merry Christmas.

Why don't y'all
belly up to the beach

and sit with me a spell?

I've got a Christmas
campfire story

I reckon you'll want to hear.

This here tale
takes place underwater

in a one-seahorse town
called Bikini Bottom.

[festive music]

'Twas the day
before Christmas,

and every boy and girl
was ready for Santa...

- Hey!

- Except one busy squirrel.

She was using her science
to toil and tinker,

but she found this experiment
a bit of a thinker.

- Aha!

A touch of tinsel
ought to do the trick.

Hey, elf Bob.

- Oh, Sandy Claus.
[slurps]

I found the tinsel.

- Thanks for being
my little elf today.

[panting]

[gasps]

both: Ooh.

- What's this all for, anyway?

- This invention will
revolutionize Christmas.

I'm fixing to reveal it
to the whole town tonight.

It'll be my gift
to Bikini Bottom.

[suspenseful music]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[defeated music]

[sighs]
- Congratulations, Sandy.

- Huh?
- You've done it again.

- No, that ain't right.

I gotta do better than that.

I'll need a few more
ingredients

if I want this to be ready
in time.

[high-pitched whistle]

- What was that?

- Was that--no.

It can't be.

- Slappy, did you
make that noise?

- No, but I did make
a new friend.

[laughter]

- Ugh.
- Yeesh.

both: Huh?

- [grunts]
Ta-da!

- Pa, Ma, Randy, Rowdy,
Rosy, Granny?

all: Howdy, Sandy.

- Howdy, y'all.

- Why didn't you tell me
that you'd invited

your family to Bikini Bottom
for the holidays?

- 'Cause she didn't, SpongeBob.

This here's a good old
Texas bushwhack visit.

[laughs]

- We had to put a few holes

in the family row boat,

but it was worth it to see
our little aquatic acorn.

- Yeah, sis, we came
all the way from Texas

just to spend Christmas with
little old smarty-tail you.

- And not at all because
Randy's on the lam again.

[siren wailing]

- [yelping]

[horn honks]

- Is the coast clear?

- Well, sh**t.

If I'd have known
y'all were coming,

I would have put the kettle on.

- [grunting]
Help me, kids.

- [giggles]
- Tag me out.

- You need help, Auntie Sandy?

- Make him turn blue.

- [grunting]

[bell dings]
- Huh?

[foghorn blares]

- [grunting]

What in the yellow snow
was that?

- [chuckles] Sorry.
That was my work alarm.

Yoop! Yoink!

I got to get to the Krusty Krab
for my favorite shift

of the whole year,
Christmas Eve.

[bell jingling]

- Hey, why don't
we all tag along?

- Oh, we'd just love to.

We have dearly missed
all our deep-sea buddies.

[bluegrass music playing]

[boinging]

- Whoo! Merry Christmas,
Krusty customers.

Aren't the holidays magical?

- I think you mean tragical.

- Who upchucked in your eggnog?

[defeated music]

[coins jingling]

- Sing it again, Mr. Squidward.

We need more Christmas tips.

- [sighs]

[clears throat]

♪ Krusty Krab, Krusty Krab ♪

♪ Eat here every day ♪

♪ Something, something,
Krabby Patties ♪

♪ Don't forget to pay ♪

- Boo! Boo!
- You stink!

- Mr. Krabs,
why do I have to sing?

I just play
my clarinet instead?

- No can do.

I'm using it
as a yule log today.

- What?

[screams, groans]

[yelping]

[clarinet playing off-key]

[sighs]

[groans]

- [laughs]
Howdy, Mr. Krabs.

You sure have a festive
Christmas caroler there.

Bless his heart.

- Thank you, Mrs. Cheeks.

He could stand to bring in
a few more tips, though.

- Matter of fact,
I'm a little something

of a chanteuse myself.

Maybe we could strum up
some tips for you, huh?

- As long as I don't have
to pay you.

- SpongeBob, lights, please.

[exciting music]

- [grunts]

- ♪ Well ♪

- ♪ Christmas is a time
for giving ♪

♪ Christmas is a time
for getting ♪

♪ Christmas is a time
for many things ♪

♪ You know we love
trapeze flipping ♪

♪ Climbing trees
and country living ♪

♪ But nothing beats
the gifts that Santa brings ♪

- ♪ Yahoo ♪

- ♪ Well, Christmas will come ♪

♪ And Christmas will go ♪

♪ But I can't deny
it's the day I love the most ♪

♪ Everything's a-glowing ♪

♪ When your stocking's
overflowing ♪

♪ And Santa's gifts
are wrapped under the tree ♪

- ♪ Yeah, Santa left
his gifts for you and me ♪

[cheers and applause]

- I'm dreaming
of a green Christmas.

Whoo-hoo!

- And I'm dreaming
of a bah humbug.

Good day, sir.

- Hmm.

Come on down
to my treedome tonight

for a big Christmas surprise.

[cheers and applause]

- So, sis, what exactly
is this surprise

you keep going on about?

Or are you giving everybody

the old snake oil
for Christmas?

- [growls]
- Whoa! [grunts]

- This ain't no scam, Randy.

Now, hold your horses.

I'm almost finished.

I'll just add the extra
ingredients I collected today.

And voilà.

- Ooh!
- Wow!

- Yee-haw!

It's finally ready--
and just in time.

All my friends
will be here tonight,

and I want to make this
Christmas special for them.

- I reckon we can help you
impress the fins off this town.

After all, special
is our specialty.

Mm-hmm.
- You really mean it?

Thanks, y'all.

- We got a holiday stunt
spectacular to rehearse.

[laughter]

[festive music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Merry Christmas, y'all.

- Merry Christmas, Sandy.

Say, did you gather us here
for some kind

of big Christmas surprise?

- [giggles]

As a matter of fact, I did.

- But whatever could it be,
some kind of...

breakthrough in holiday
decorative technology?

- Well, you'll just have
to see for yourselves.

- Hmm?
- Huh?

- I present to you
the instant Christmas tree.

Just a few drops of this here
yuletide concoction, and...

whoa, a happy holiday
is all yours.

[cheers and applause]

And to help me celebrate,
my family will perform

their newest stunt spectacular,

Dance of the Nutcrackers.

[grunting]

[magical music]

- Ooh.
[laughter]

[bluegrass version of
Tchaikovsky's "Russian Dance"]

[boinging]

- [grunting]

- Hup!

- Got you.
Hup. Yah!

- Ah!

[cannon booms]

Ah!
[laughs]

[grunts]
[engine revving]

[tires squealing]
- Ooh!

- [laughs]
- Oh!

Ah!
- Yeah!

- Here we go.

Whoo-whoo!
Pew-pew-pew-pew-pew-pew-pew!

[magical music]

- h*, h*--

[sighs] What a night.

Good thing my 364-day
vacation starts tomorrow.

Now, let's see.

Aha, Bikini Bottom.

Saving the best for last.

See you back at the North Pole.

And don't drink all my eggnog!

[alarm blares]

[festive music]

♪ ♪

h*, h*, h*.

A circus show?

Now, that's
the Christmas spirit,

you party animals.

- Oh, Santa.

- Hey, it's Santa.
Santa!

[laughter]

- Boy howdy,
that there's Santa Claus.

- I reckon we ought to make
our finale extra grand for him.

[both chuckle]

Ah.

[both laughing]

- h*, h*, h*.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

- Now this will be
a Texas-sized tree.

- You know it.
[laughs]

[rumbling]
- Huh?

Whoa!

[dramatic music]

- Whoa!

- Ooh!
- Wow!

- h*, h*, h*.

Huh?

Oh, Krampus.

Ow!
[screams]

[all gasp]

Whoa!

[grunting and shouting]

Ow!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ow!

[all groaning]

Whoa!

[squeaking]

♪ ♪

[groans]

- [gasps]
- [whimpers]

- Oh, my.

I hope he isn't too hurt.

[chuckles]

- [grunts]

Santa, talk to me, big fella.

- [groans]

Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny
is here to see you.

- Oh, that ain't good.

Come on, Santa.

Don't you know what day it is?

- Of course.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mwah.
[groans]

- Oh.
- Oh, boy.

- That old elf is one sugarplum
shy of a fruitcake.

- Yeah, bro.

How is Santa gonna deliver
our presents now?

- He's not.

Sandy knocked him
right out of the sky

with her big dumb tree.

- That's exactly
why I don't trust trees.

- But what's the point
of having Christmas

without any presents?

- You, like,
totally ruined Christmas.

[crying]

[all grumbling]

- Oh, no.

This is all my fault.

I'm so sorry, y'all.

- It'll be OK, Sandy.

At least Santa's
having a good time.

- Hey, where are you going?

The party's just
getting started.

[party horn toots]
Whoa!

[party horn toots]

- Oh!

- And so the town
went quiet that night.

One by one,
they put out their lights.

No fun to be had,
no joy to be doing,

just the soft, sad sounds
of gentle boo-hooing.

- [howls]

[soft ukulele music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, I should be
eating pumpkin pie ♪

♪ But instead
I made the whole town cry ♪

♪ What in the world
was I doing ♪

♪ Now Christmas is ruined ♪

♪ I got the Christmas blues ♪

♪ I feel like
I just don't belong ♪

♪ Wish that I could sing
a happy song ♪

♪ Guess I'll just
sit here and stew ♪

♪ And keep a-weeping boo-hoo ♪

♪ I got the Christmas blues ♪

[bluesy harmonica music
playing]

♪ ♪

- Oh, if only
some unexpected fortune

would just appear from above.

- Hey, kin!

- Look what we found!

- It's all Santa's gifts,
I tell you.

- Sure is.

Can we keep them?

- Ooh, did you hear that,
Sandy?

An unexpected fortune
just appeared from above.

- Hold your seahorses,
SpongeBob.

Ain't no use having gifts
if Santa can't deliver them.

- She's right, SpongeBob.

Santa's still indisposed.

- [barking like a seal]

- Meaning Christmas
is still ruined.

[chomps]

[high-pitched screeching]
[both groan]

- [clears throat]

This ain't the first time
we had a year without Santa.

I remember
the Great Elf Strike of 1874.

Our whole town was real blue
that Christmas,

but we made the most of it.

No Santa, no problem.

We Cheeks banded together
and exchanged gifts

all on our own.

The family Cheeks
ain't quitters.

We weren't then,
and we ain't now.

- Granny's right.

Let's do this for Santa.

[all cheering]
- ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪

[bluegrass version of
Tchaikovsky's "Russian Dance"]

- Come on.
You can do it.

Uh-huh.
- [grunts]

- Giddyap, giddyap,
giddyap, giddyap.

[groans]
- [gasps]

- [grunts]

- Huh?

♪ ♪

- Ooh, lookee.

[gibbering]
- [gasps] Oh, dear.

- Whoa!

[jellyfish buzzing]

- [buzzing] h*, h*, h*.

- [humming "Jingle Bells"]

Huh?
[groans, screams]

- [gibbering]

- [screams]

[birds tweeting]

- Ugh.
[laughs nervously]

♪ ♪

- Looking good.

- Whoo-hoo!

[foghorn blares]

[laughter]

[engine turning over]

[horn honking "La Cucaracha']

- Whoo!

- [gibbering]

Good luck delivering
those Easter eggs.

Mwah.

[all cheering]

- Now, Sandy.

Now, Randy.

Now, Rowdy and Rosy.

On Ma, on Pa, on Granny, and--

oh, me.

[laughs]

[all laughing and cheering]

- I think we need
a little musical motivation

to get this job done.

- ♪ Well ♪

- ♪ Christmas is a time
for giving ♪

♪ Christmas is a time
for getting ♪

♪ Christmas is a time
for many things ♪

- ♪ And you know
we like carol singing ♪

♪ Skating round
and jellyfishing ♪

♪ But nothing beats
our nutty family ♪

- [yodeling]

♪ Giving gifts means
I love you ♪

♪ But not like spending time
so happily, hee-hee ♪

- ♪ At Christmastime ♪
both: ♪ At Christmastime ♪

- ♪ Everything's fine ♪
both: ♪ Everything's fine ♪

- ♪ 'Cause we got everything
we'll ever need ♪

both: ♪ We'll ever need ♪

- ♪ We may be miles apart ♪

♪ But you know in my heart ♪

♪ This nut don't fall far
from the family tree ♪

- ♪ Yee-haw ♪

♪ Places, y'all,
and here we go ♪

♪ Round and round
and turn to the right ♪

♪ It's Christmas Eve,
it should be bright ♪

♪ The Krusty Krab
looks mighty low ♪

♪ Come on, SpongeBob,
let's do-si-do ♪

- ♪ I'm so blue ♪
- ♪ I feel the same ♪

- ♪ No Christmas gifts ♪
- ♪ Dad, this is lame ♪

- ♪ Now, folks, don't worry,
and don't you fear ♪

♪ Your Christmas gifts
will soon be here ♪

♪ But there is something
you must do ♪

♪ Or old Saint Nick
won't visit you ♪

♪ Good crabs and whales
should be asleep ♪

♪ No gifts
unless you're counting sheep ♪

♪ So bow to your partner,
go on ahead ♪

♪ Knock yourself out
and go to bed ♪

[boinging]

[bright bluegrass music]

♪ Now allemande left
and fly like a bluebird ♪

♪ Randy and Granny
to the house of Squidward ♪

♪ Walk on your tiptoes,
give him his gift ♪

♪ Don't wake him up, now,
better be swift ♪

- ♪ But what's that noise,
holy mackerel ♪

- ♪ Dagnabbit,
that sound ain't natural ♪

[clarinet wailing]

♪ Sure ain't no silent night ♪

♪ Squeaks and honks
and clarinet squawks ♪

♪ Stop that noise
with Christmas socks ♪

[muffled off-key notes playing]

♪ Now, Rowdy's next
and Rosie too ♪

♪ To Patrick Star's
we skip to my Lou ♪

♪ Now, sneak, sneak,
don't make a squeak ♪

♪ That's a big old gift,
and it's starting to leak ♪

- ♪ It's sand, sand ♪
both: ♪ Everywhere ♪

- ♪ Too late now,
better hop on a chair ♪

- ♪ This Christmas gift
is mighty quirky ♪

- ♪ That's OK,
I think Pat likes turkey ♪

- [snoring]

- ♪ Come on, kids,
you're doing fine ♪

♪ The next stop is ♪

[gasps]
We're out of time.

We'll never finish delivering

all these gifts
to Bikini Bottom.

- Aunt Sandy?

- We brought along
that concoction you made.

Maybe it'll help.

- Oh, it ain't gonna work.

It's running short
on Christmas cheer.

- Well, we can fix that,
right, family?

- Yeah!
- ♪ Bum-bum-bum ♪

- ♪ Christmas will come,
and Christmas will go ♪

♪ What stays are the days
that we say I love you so ♪

♪ Everything's a-glowing when
your stocking's overflowing ♪

♪ And Santa's gifts
are wrapped under the tree ♪

- I love you guys.
- Yes.

- ♪ Gifts are so much better
when your family is together ♪

- Ooh! h*, h*, h*!

- ♪ Whether it's on land
or in the sea ♪

♪ Oh, a holiday with you
is right for me ♪

- Yee-haw!

We made it just in time.

[all cheering]

- Ooh, I have to tell Santa.

Santa!

- [yelps, gibbers]

What the--where am I?

- We saved Christmas.

- Huh?

- Well, actually,
we ruined Christmas.

But then we saved it.

[squeaking]

- What happened?

[peaceful music]

Give me that.
- [laughs]

- The last thing I remember
was a big Christmas tree.

- Then you fell
on your rum-pum-pum-pum.

[laughs]
- We thought you was dead.

- [laughs nervously]
But you're fine now.

And we took care
of your Christmas presents.

- This means I'm off
the naughty list, right?

[crickets chirping]

- Oh, you fixed my sleigh.

Oh, thank you, everyone.

You all deserve
special presents from Santa.

Let's see.

How's this?

- Appreciate it, Santa,
but I already got what I wanted

for Christmas this year.

- We never needed
nothing fancy.

- Yeah.

Who needs presents, anyway?

- Well, we're, like,
totally grateful for ours.

- How'd you know it was us?

- Well, we found a little
squirrel fur on our gifts.

[blows sharply]

- You were also yodeling
on our rooftops all night.

- But we all thank you
nonetheless.

- No need to thank us.

What's important
is that we're all together.

- Uh-huh, but we also got
this big old tree.

Sandy got it souped up for us.

- Figured y'all could
use it as a new house.

[excited chatter]

- Here we come!

- Now, that
is a Christmas present.

Seeing y'all was great,
but nothing beats free stuff.

[laughs]

- Now, let's get
this Texas-sized tree

back where it belongs, Texas.

- Yee-haw!
[laughter]

Yee-haw!

all: Bye.
Merry Christmas.

- And that is the story of how
a family of nutty squirrels

ruined and then saved Christmas
down in the deep blue sea.

I know. I know.
I hardly believe it myself.

all:
Merry Christmas, y'all.

- Whoo-hoo!
- [laughs]

- You all come back, now.
You hear?

[bell dings,
seagulls squawking]