06x10 - George is Maid to be Ruth-Less

[bunniefuu]

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

This place is a mess.

It's like I'm a kid again,
living with you, mom.

My house never
looked like this.

Right.
If this were your house,

there'd be beer cans
and cigarette butts everywhere

and a sad little Mexican kid
learning how to juggle

so he could run away
to the circus

to have a normal childhood.
I'd be like that...

I was gonna clean it up,
but I'm swamped with work.

I just booked another wedding
and a quinceaã‘era.

So you can't cook,

you don't clean and you won't
discipline your kids--

mom!

I'm just trying to see
what the attraction is.

George, if my business
keeps expanding like this,

I'm never gonna have time
to clean the house.

Okay, I'll handle this.

Max! Clean the house!

He has homework to do.

Well, why else
did we have him?

It's not like he's upstairs
inventing a car

that runs on water or a pencil
that's also a churro--

wait a minute.
That is brilliant.

How much do we have
in the savings?

No!

Hi, guys.

Hey. Ay, diosmã­o,
this kitchen is a disaster.

I told you.

Angie,
you need a maid.

No. No maids.

I don't want some stranger
in my house

going through my stuff,
invading my privacy.

George, we had a maid
growing up, and it was great.

Yeah, they are like
part of your family.

Well, except they have to
do what you say,

and they leave at night.

Though never call them
at home.

Oh, man, you'll just hear

g*nshots and sirens
in the background.

And the--it's depressing.

Well, I remember
when I was a kid,

seeing all the latinos
at the bus stop

waiting to go clean
some rich guy's house.

I don't wanna be
that guy.

It's not like that,
uncle George.

I loved our maid Rita.
She was the hardest worker ever.

You couldn't even distract her.
I'd say, "Rita!"

And she would
keep on working.

I thought her name
was Vicky.

Oh, my god!

That's why she never
turned around!

I really miss
Rita-Vicky.

Come on, Veronica,
I'll take you to dinner.

I was thinking of making
paella for you here,

but something in that old bowl
of rice just blinked at me.

Let's go!

George, it would only be
one day a week.

And it's not like
we're forcing them to work.

What is wrong with giving
a nice latina a job?

You know what?
I agree, Angie.

When can you start?

Senora, the dishes,
por favor, rã¡pido! Rã¡pido!

I told you,
I am too busy.

You know, unless you wanna clean
the house, we need a maid.

All right, fine,
I'll do it.

I mean,
how much can there be?

Do the laundry,
dust the house,

vacuum the living room,
mop the kitchen floors,

clean Max's bathroom.
I don't know why

you're giving me
a hard time on this, Angie.

I work hard for a living.
Get off my back. We need a maid!

Thank you, Cheyenne,
we'll give you a call.

You know what?
I like her.

She has no experience.

She has no experience?
Did you see that tongue stud?

She's got experience!

Not as a maid.

Not as a maid, but you
hire her, and she learns.

She's like that...

I'll handle this one.

Hi, Angie.

Hi, George.

Ruth,
what are you doing here?

Honey,
you remember Ruth?
From the bakery?
Hell, yeah!

From church.
Peace be with you,
sister.

Here, have a seat.

So, Ruth,

did you come here
about the cleaning job?

Well, I saw on
the bulletin board that you

were looking
for help one day a week,

and I need something
to keep me busy.

Well, honey, having Ruth here
would be much better

than some stranger.

No offense, Ruth,
but the person we hire

has to do some
pretty tough work around here.

Oh, I raised three boys.

I can handle anything.

And as a little bit
of a bribe,

I brought you
some muffins.

Well,
no offense, Ruth,

but I'm not making any decisions
based on a muffin.

It's a big deal for me
to bring someone into my house.

Ohh.
There's pudding in the middle!

I can't believe it!

You start tomorrow.
Senora, you're fired.

* all my friends

* know the low rider

After you finish the laundry,
can you do the living room?

Oh, don't worry
about a thing, Angie.

I'll take care of it.
Okay. Oh, I'm making a list
for Ruth.

Do you have anything
that needs to be done?
Uh, no, I got it.

Honey, she works here now.
What is it?

I don't wanna say it
in front of her, Angie.

It's private.
Oh, he needs
his underwear washed.

Hey!

Well, do you?

Yeah, real bad.

I'm running late for my meeting.
Ruth, you have my cell.

George, if you need
anything, please tell Ruth.

I'm not gonna be
in your way here, am I?

No, it's your house.
Do whatever you normally would.

Oh, here you go.

Are you feeling
all right?

Yeah, you know,
just fighting a cold.

Oh.

You feel
a little warm.

I'm gonna make you
some chicken soup.

Really?

Well, you know
what they say--

chicken soup
is a mother's penicillin.

When I was a kid,
my mom's penicillin was,

"hey, fathead,
walk it off!"

I'll bet you're getting sick
because you're working too hard.

Yeah, well, I have put in
a lot of hours trying to break

to productivity record
at the plant.

Did you do it?

Yeah, I did.

Good for you!

Oh, that's fantastic news!

You know...

They gave me
a certificate.

It's not a big deal
or anything.

I mean, in the whole history
of the company,

they've only given out two,
and the letters are in gold.

You wanna see it?

Oh, would you look
at that?

This is going on
the fridge, mister!

No way! My mom never put
anything on the fridge

unless
it was embarrassing.

Oh, that's horrible.

I know, huh?

I got an "f" on a test,
and she put it on the fridge.

So I got her back.

I found a letter to her
from the free clinic,

and I put it up.

That way,
we both failed a test.

Well, this is
an accomplishment,

and it needs to be
shown off.

Put it over
Max's history test.

He only got a "b."

Oh,
I wish I had a camera

so I could take a picture
of you with your certificate.

I got a camera
over here!

Okay, smile!

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing.
This is Ruth.

I-I'm doing some cleaning
for George and Angie.

Oh, you're the help.
Gimme a beer.

Don't listen
to her, Ruth.

This is my mom. You might've
heard of her at church.

After
her last confession,

they found father John
in the shower screaming,

"I can't
get clean! I can't get clean!"

Nice to meet you.

Well, the laundry
can wait.

I think I'll just run down
to the market

and get what I need
to make my chicken soup.

And, you--
you rest yourself, mister.

What the hell
was that all about?

She was just being
nice to me.

She even touched my head because
she thought I had a fever.

You never did that.
Well, I didn't know
you were sick.

Let me feel.
No fever.

But you do have
a little red Mark.

Where?
Here!

Ruth, it hit me!

There.

Again, again!

I think
I got it all.

I know,
but it just feels good.

Okay, all done.

Now you see,
that wasn't so bad, was it?

You said if I sat still,
I'd get a surprise.

Yes, I did,
and it's in the kitchen.

When you told me
you'd never had a birthday cake

when you were a kid,
it just broke my heart.

So to make up for that,

I baked you a cake
from scratch.

What does
"from scratch" mean?

It means I made it
with my own hands just for you.

And there is
one special ingredient.

Love?

Uh, cinnamon.

Oh, oh, but sure, sure,
there's love in there somewhere.

My boys used to love
to ice their own cakes.

So here, you try it.

And--and write
anything you want.

"Thanks, mom."

Oh, how sweet!

Oh, are you--
are you getting sick again?

Your eyes are all watery.

No, it just looks like

there's a lot of cinnamon
in that cake,

you know,
a lot of cinnamon.

Ruth...

What happened?
It's a mess in here.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I meant to get to it,

but we have had
such a busy Saturday.

Sometimes I wish
I could just cross my arms,

blink my eyes
and make things happen.

"Thanks, mom."
You made me a cake?

Uh, that's not for you.

George, can I speak to you
in the living room?
But can we make it quick?

'Cause Ruth is taking me
to the movies,

and she said I could
pick the candy.

I'm gonna pick the ones
that look like worms

and after you eat them,
you're like that...

So, um...

I d--i didn't see you
at church last Sunday.

Because my Saturday night
was still going

on Sunday morning.

His name is Chuck.
How much can you handle?

Well, I would say
save it for confession

but... we can't afford
to lose another priest.

Look, I know
you really like Ruth,

but I think she'd rather
coddle you than do the work.

Negative.

It's been two weeks
and I've talked to her,

but the house is still a mess!
We need to let her go.
No. No way.

She's not doing the job
we're paying her to do.

I know
what this is about.

You can't stand it that someone
likes me more than you.

Sick.

Saint Angie is finally
off her throne.

Saints don't have thrones.

Yeah, that's nice,
correct everyone you run into.

That'll make you more friends.

I just want
a clean house!

And if Ruth can't do the work,
we'll have to get someone else.

You know what?
When I get back from my meeting,

I'll tell her
it's not working out.

No, you don't even know her.
I'll take care of it.

I know I have
a lot of work,

but I thought you two
might like a piece of cake.

Here's one for you
and one for you.

Ah ha ha,
mine's bigger.

Thank you, Ruth.

George, was there something you
wanted to talk to Ruth about?

Ruth...
This isn't working out.

What?

It's just not working out.

Oh...

Oh, sweetie, I'll get you
a glass of milk.

I tried to tell her,
Angie. You saw me.

Angie's gonna be home
any minute.

What do we have left?
The floors!

Go for it!
All right...

Hey, I don't get this.

Just because
your cleaning woman is nice,

you're gonna do
all her work for her?

Hey, man,
it's more than that.

You know, she cooks for me.
She makes sure I'm feeling okay.

You know, she cares.
She sounds more like a mom
than a maid.

Huh. Oh, we're getting into
your weird area, aren't we?

Dad, did Ruth do
the laundry?

Uh, she's working on it.
It's in the washer.

But I need a shirt
for tonight.

I'm going to the movies
with Laura Ortiz.

Hey, Ernie, get me a lemon,
cut it in half.
It'll dirty a knife!

I'm making a call.

Arms up! Arms up!

What are you doing?
Hey!

I'm dry cleaning
the Lopez way.

There, you're all
lemony fresh.

Now just a warning--if you hug
her and she's got a cut,

she's gonna scream.

George, George, George!

We only have time
for one George. What is it?!

Angie just drove up
but we haven't done the table.

Do it.
Okay.

Evening, ma'am.
Evening... sir.

This place looks fantastic.

It's spotless.

Well, you know,
I decided not to fire Ruth.

I wanted to give her
one more shot.

What, you just talked to her
and she did all this?

Angie, I'm a manager.
I got a look

that can get people to do
what they don't wanna do.

Well, how come I've never
seen the look?

You got a ring
on your finger, don't you?

You've seen the look.

Mom, dad, someone stole money
from my room.

What are you
talking about?

Last Christmas
grandma gave me a $50 bill.

And I was gonna use it to take
Laura Ortiz to the movies,

but now I can't find it.
I think Ruth took it.

Hold on a second,

before we start
calling people thieves--

you gave him $50?

You never gave me that kind
of money when I was a kid.

Oh, you didn't need it.

You could never pull a girl
like Laura Ortiz.

If that woman is stealing,
I wouldn't want her in my house.

Why don't I
just call Ruth

and give her
a chance to explain?

Maybe she moved the money
when she was cleaning.

In the meantime, we should
double-check your room. Come on.

What?

You wouldn't have anything
to do with this, would you, mom?

George, please, now I would
never steal from my grandson.

What kind of a monster
do you think I am?

Some kind of half-woman,
half-bat..

That feeds on
children's dreams.

You can fly,
but every time you do,

you become
a little bit shorter.

That's why you only do it
in emergencies.

You know what?

I have been coming to this house
every day since Christmas,

and the money
has always been here.

Ruth's been here a couple
of weeks, the money's gone!

You do the math.
You'll probably get it wrong,

but it's important
that you try.

Oh, look at that,
no one stole it.

It's on the floor.
Max must've dropped it.

Aha!

You checked your bra!
So?

You took the money and you hid
it in there. I knew it.

Oh, I didn't hide anything.
The girls just needed some air.

They haven't been girls
for 40 years.

You know, George,

you're just gonna have to
believe me about the money

because you don't have
another choice.

All right.

Here we go...

Oh, what's the knife for?

If I'm wrong
and there's no $50 in there,

I'm gonna have to
stab my eyes out.

What's going on?

My mom stole Max's money.
Why you trying to frame Ruth?

I wasn't trying
to frame her.

I'm--I'm in trouble, see?

I-I owe a guy money.

His name is... Mike.

Mike rowave,

because, uh,
he heats up fast.

And he has got
a pretty mean enforcer named...

Jimmy the...

Dish rack!

Oh, I am so sorry.

I don't remember
seeing any money.

I-I hope you don't think
I had anything to do with this.

Mom, apologize,
apologize.

All right, fine.

I'm sorry that you've got
nothing in your life,

so to make up for it,

you're trying to steal
other people's kids.

What are you saying?

I-I wasn't trying
to steal George.

Are you jealous
of Ruth?

No.

I just think it's strange
to come in here

and see you
hugging my son.

Why should that bother you?
You never hugged me.

I hugged you plenty.

Yeah?

What,
when you were drunk

and you couldn't stand up
on your own?

Or that time
in the grocery store

where you hugged me
but when you pulled back

there was a steak
in my shirt?

And you said, "be cool,
be cool, be cool,

I'll meet you at the car"?
And you blew that one.

How many 6 year olds
can be cool

with cow blood
running down their legs?

All right, fine.
You got the $50. I'm outta here.

Hey, if you're jealous
of someone else being my mom,

then step up,
give me a hug.
Why?

I don't need
to prove anything.

I wasn't a bad mom.

You remember that
one Christmas

I gave you a coupon
for a hug.

That's because you didn't
wanna buy me a gift.

And then I went
to get the hug,

and you said the coupon
expired the day before.

Why am I even here?

You don't appreciate
anything I do for you.

Fine, if you don't wanna
give me a hug,

I know someone who will.

Mm-hmm, I love you.
Huh, you like that?

How does that
make you feel?
Weird and uncomfortable.

George,
let go of Ruth.
No.

George!

Look...

I was just trying to make
a little extra money.

But I'm sure
the generic heart medicine

will work just as well
as what I'm using.

Where you going,
new mother?

I am so sorry
about this.

We'll see you
at church, huh?

Well, actually, I think
I'll be transferring

to a new church...

One that you don't know about
and can't find.

Are you happy
you got rid of Ruth?

Oh, for god's sake...

You want a hug?
Will that end this?

Yeah, it would,
but you'll never do it.
Well, you don't know that.

I do know that.
You know what? Just forget it.

All right, fine. I'm gonna
prove to you that I can do this.

Let's just
get it over with.

Just close your eyes

so I don't have to see
that needy little face.

Is she gone?

No.

She's just about to hug you.

You smell good, mom.

Ew! I can't do this!

You ready for work?

Yeah. Let's go.

I'll meet you
at the car, mom.

Oh, quela,
I didn't save it!

One more time, mom!
One more time!