06x06 - George Thinks Vic's Fiancée is Lion about Being a Cheetah

[bunniefuu]

Angie.

Hey, daddy.

We need your opinion.

Welcome

to fantasy island.

Places, everyone.

Boss, boss,

the plane, the plane.

Shut up, tattoo.

Places.

Angie, he wants to wear this tux
in our wedding. Help me.

This is my lucky tux.

It's the only suit
I brought with me

when I escaped from Cuba.

So wait a minute,
Vic.

Your raft
had a disco on it?

Where's Miami?
That way?

Shark!

We flew here. Stop it.

Angie,
what do you think?

But since you're not getting
married for a couple months,

there's still time
to get a tuxedo

that isn't older
than your bride.

Actually,
we're moving the wedding up.

And I'm in over my head.

Would you consider
planning our wedding?

Well, I'm really booked up,

and I don't know you
that well.

I wouldn't know
what you like.

Oh, Princess.

Yes, daddy?
Yes, daddy?

Oh, yeah, that's going
in the wedding toast.

Excuse me, Lindsay. I-I need to
talk to Angie for a moment.

Please?
No problem. I've got
an mp3 player in my phone.

So, uh, you won't
plan the wedding

because you're still upset
about how young Lindsay is?

* p*mps don't pay,
don't play me that way *

Let's talk
in the other room.

Dad, who's that?

Max, that's gonna be
your grandma.

So do you want to plan
the wedding or not?

Because if the answer
is no,

I'll just take my money
elsewhere.

Well, I'm surprised
you have any money left

after everything else
you bought her--

the--the necklace,
the--the purses, the car.

Daddy, don't you think there's
a chance she could be using you?

Well, Angie, wait a minute.
He's not the victim here.

Think about
all the horrible things

she has to do
to get that stuff.

I mean, look,

imagine being kissed all over
by that moustache.

It--it's like being run over
by a street sweeper, just...

I'm sorry,

but I can't plan a wedding
I don't approve of.

Come on.
She's not using me.

Why is it so crazy that a woman
like Lindsay could love me?

Well, you know, you got
the tall/short thing...

The hot/not hot thing...

The alive/half-dead thing...

I made a list the other night.
What did I do with it?

But it feels like
Lindsay loves me.

Well, then again, it felt like
my first wife loved me,

but after 40 years of marriage,
she cheated on me.

Come, on, Vic.
Look, I'm messing with you, man.

Like, eh, I'm sure
Lindsay loves you.

Ay.

Man to man, do you think
she's marrying me for me?

Of course she is, Vic.
Stop doubting yourself, man.

Hey,
trust your instincts.

Hmm. You are right.
What am I worrying about?

I'm getting married.

Wait, what's that
that you just ripped up?

George, I'm flying on love,
and I don't need a parachute.

Vic, wait!

Lindsay...

There is no love
where there is no trust.

I tore up my prenup.

Papi, now I know
you really love me.

We should celebrate.

Let's buy those diamond earrings
that I saw at the mall

and one of those
cinnamon pretzels that you love.

Oh, Angie?

Are they gone?
Yeah. You know what?

I'm starting to worry
about Lindsay, too.

We should invite her over
for dinner

and see if she's really
after Vic's money.
What made you
change your mind?

I don't want to see
your dad get hurt?

Well, neither do I.

That's why I'm so glad I talked
him into getting that prenup.

Prenup? What kind of man starts
his marriage with a prenup?

Angie,
I didn't get one with you.

All you had was $12

and some stupid dream
about being a rock star.

I wish I had
a prenup right now.

I'd give you $6
and half my pain.

I'm not crying.
I'm frustrated.

* all my friends

* know the low rider

* the low rider

* is a little higher

**

that was a great meal.
I can't wait for dessert.
Mm.

So, Lindsay, why did you
fall in love with Vic?

Well, it was love
at first sight.

When I saw Vic
sitting in the coffee shop,

he was more handsome
than I imagined.

Oh,
that is so romantic.

I hope that happens to me,
but right now I'm still lookin'.

I don't know if you
ever thought about this,

but I'm closer to being 26
than I am to zero.

W-Wait.

Yeah, I am.

Stop hitting on family, man.
It's just lazy.

So, Lindsay, other than
my dad's good looks,

what else
do you love about him?

I know
what you're getting at.

You're worried about
our age difference,

but age is just a number.

Victor is so confident,
that I forgot all about that.

I love your dad
for his heart.

That's good, because
you may have to massage it

on your honeymoon
to keep him alive.

Angie, will you reconsider
and plan our wedding? Please?

I saw your sample book,
and you have amazing taste.

Well, if I take this on,

we have to start planning
right away.

When are you free?

I can do it any day
but Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Lindsay's a Saint.
She volunteers

at the safe harbor shelter
for battered women.

Hmm. Uh, Angie,
can you help me with dessert?

Since when do you
help with dessert?

I'm inspired by their love.

Since when are you
inspired by love?

In the kitchen, woman.

So I think I got
a good read on Lindsay.

Me, too. I think she's really
sweet, and she loves my dad.

"She loves my dad."
Estã¡ loca, "she loves my dad."

She's in it
for the money.

Angie, she's lying
through her teeth.

What? You don't know that.

Angie, I played enough poker
to spot someone's tell.

Every time she said
something that wasn't true,

she played with her earring.
She was like that...

"I love your dad, Victor,
for his heart."

"You have amazing taste, Angie.
I saw your sample book."

She was like that.

That's when I knew
she was lying.

I think you're way off base
about Lindsay.

Am I?
What are you doing?

Don't worry about
what I'm doing.

Worry about your own self.
George!

I'm gonna prove to you
she wasn't telling the truth.

I can't believe
you fell for that.

I didn't fall for anything.
I think she's being sincere.

You know what, Angie?
You're right.

Why can't I
believe people?

How was that?
Was that sincere? Fool.

Hello?

Yes, is this
the safe harbor shelter

for battered women?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know
that was an aggressive tone.

Yes. I'm trying to reach
Lindsay cafferty.

She volunteers there
on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Aha! I knew it.
She's a lying gold digger!

Oh. Oh, oh, no, not you.
You didn't do anything.

Look, no, no, no, you don't
have anything coming to you.

What's going on
in here?

Vic, I called the shelter where
Lindsay says she volunteers.

They never heard of her.
I just thought you should know.

That's impossible.
Why would she lie to me?

Lindsay?
May I speak to you?

Coming, papi.

George just
called the shelter,

and they said
they've never heard of you.

Do you work there
or not?

I can't believe
you don't trust me.

I need to know
where you were.
Okay. You have to know, fine.

Tuesdays and Thursdays
I've been taking Spanish lessons

so I could say my wedding vows
to you in your language.

Pero ahora arruinaste
mi sorpresa.

Oh, she's good.
She went like that...

Oh, Lindsay,
i-i-I'm so sorry. I--

maybe we're not ready to get
married if you don't trust me.

Nosy chismoso.

Lindsay, Lindsay, wait.

Please wait.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

Yesterday you told me to trust
my instincts about Lindsay,

and now you're
accusing her of lying?

Vic, man,
she was touching her ear--

oh! She's an ear toucher,

so I can't marry her now.
Stay out of my life...

You nosy chismoso.

Well, you totally misread
that one.

Something's
not right with her.

Angie, trust me.
I know women.

Oh, yeah? Then what am I
thinking right now?

That I'd like
to be mad at George,

but I can't
because he's too damn hot!

Yes,
I must turn away.

I must flee the room
or surrender myself to him.

Ay, but one last stink face.

So how did you know
that Lindsay was lying?

She pulled her ear, man.

She's got a tell, dude.
Everybody does.
I don't have a tell.

Dude, you giggle every time
you get good cards.

No, I don't.

Not much here.

Fold.

Damn it.
I had a full house. Golly.

Hey, what was Lindsay's lie,
anyway?

That she volunteered
in a battered women's shelter.

Oh, that was her story?
She's cheating.

Well, how do you know?

Because
the lie was too big.

You don't know how many times
I have told married guys

I've been dating--
"keep it simple."

Say you had to work late
or you got stuck in traffic

or you have to pick up milk
on your way home.

Oh, jeez. I didn't realize
how late it is.

Well, where you going?

To pick up some milk.

You know what?
Benny's right.

Yeah, you ever seen
the show "cheaters"?

They follow people around
with a hidden camera,

catch 'em in big lies.
They're always cheating.

That's why I'm a bachelor.

No woman's ever gonna
two-time me.

Dude, no woman's ever gonna
one-time you.

Look,
you should call that show

and have them
investigate Lindsay.

Well, you know,
I gotta do something,

but I'm not gonna
embarrass Vic on TV.

I'll just hire
a private investigator.

Yeah, that's gonna cost you,
like, $400 a day.

"Cheaters" pays you.

You know,
as you were saying that,

I was thinking
about "cheaters."

Did you get the waivers?
Then we're clear.

Okay.

Hi, I'm Joey greco.
Thanks for coming to "cheaters."
Hey.

Listen, I only have a few
minutes. What's your story?
Well,
we think a friend of ours

is getting cheated on,
and we need proof.

How long do you think
she's been cheating on you?

Oh, it's not me, man.
We really are here for a friend.

Guys, the show's not called
"friends of cheaters."

Oh, okay.

I'm the one
who's getting cheated on.

I didn't want to say anything
because I'm embarrassed.

It's never happened to me.

Joey,
I love her so much.

Hey, take it easy. We'll follow
your girl around with cameras.

We'll show you
what we find.

If she is having an affair,

you'll get
to confront her on TV.

All right, but tell
your censor to be ready

because i'm-a go off.

"I knew you were cheating.
¿sabes qu�

Bleep you
and bleep, tu madre!"

All right.

I'm gonna need some more
information about her.

Yeah, uh, yeah. Her name
is, uh, Lindsay cafferty.

She's my fiancã©e.

Oh, yeah,
she's cheating.

Like you're a catch, man.
Is your girlfriend that hot?

You tell me. That's her.

Oh.
Oh.

Whatever.
I don't even like blondes.

But your fiancã©e's blonde.

Yeah, and would I be here
if we weren't having problems?

George, George, George,

the crew from "cheaters"
just pulled up.

I can't wait
to see what they found.

Why are you squinting?

Dude,
are you wearing makeup?

I wanna look good on TV,

but I got some mascara
in my eye.

It burns like hell,
George.

órale, "tr*nny 911."

We're not gonna be on TV,
man.

We're gonna get
the evidence for Vic,

and then we're gonna
bail out.

Hey, George.
Hey, Joey.

Are you ready to do this?

Yeah.

Okay. All right, here.

Roll.

I guess it's time
to know the truth.

We started following Lindsay
a few days ago. Now--

Oh, Angie.
What are you doing here?

The caterer
had to cancel.

Why is there
a camera crew here?

Is it
the home makeover show?

Who's this?

Uh, uh,
this is my sister Angie.

Angie,
it's--it's time you knew.

I thought my fiancã©e Lindsay
was cheating on me,

so I called "cheaters"
to get to the bottom of it.

I don't believe you.
You are such an idiot.

Uh, no, you are,
booger-face monster.

Sisters, huh?

Okay, we followed Lindsay
for a few days.

At first we thought you had
nothing to worry about,

and then she met this man...

That's daddy.

So your fiancã©e's
cheating on you with your dad?

He's family, man.
We're cool with that.

What else you got?

I think
we've seen enough.

Why are you pushing this?

Why can't you just admit
you were wrong about Lindsay?

Look, Angie, I was trying
to make your dad feel better,

and he tore up his prenup
because of me,

so we have
to know for sure.

Excuse me,
but she met another man.

Oh, no.
You were right.

Oh, no!
Not the "cheaters" guys again!

Joey, I told you
for the last time,

leave me alone!

How are we gonna
tell my dad?

First my mom cheated on him
and now Lindsay.

This is gonna k*ll him.

You could just blurt it out,
break his heart

and take a picture
of him.

That's thelopez way.

You are not gonna believe
what just happened.

Let's make it a game.
I bet I can top you.

I just spent three hours
on the phone with your mother.

Really? I didn't know
you two were talking.

Well, I didn't want her
to hear from someone else

that I was getting married
again, but after I told her,

she broke down and said
she made a mistake leaving me.

Can you believe it?

She even asked me
to take her back.

That's great.
Is it?

I mean, I realized I never
stopped loving emelina,

but I love Lindsay, too.
Who do I choose?

Emelina.
Emelina.

But if I go back to emelina,
it's going to devastate Lindsay.

Yeah,
you might be surprised, Vic.

Uh, she's pretty flexible.

It's wonderful, but it's
terrible at the same time...

Daddy, I know Lindsay
is young and pretty,

but what you have with mami
is so much deeper.

Don't throw that away.

Well,
one thing is for sure--

we have to put
the wedding on hold.

Angie, look, would you call
the caterer and everyone for me?
Done.

Hey, George.

There's no way

I can get an impartial answer
from my daughter.

Am I a fool to go back
to a woman who cheated on me?

Well, you're gonna have to get
over that one way or another.

What--what--what--
what do you mean?

Nothing. Emelina's lucky
to have you, man.

You're a great guy.

George, you're lying.
I know your tell.

Vic,
I don't have a tell.
Oh, yes, you do.

You look away, c*ck your head
and say something nice to me.

That is
an excellent observation.

You are a bright man.

All right.

Out with it.

Look, I...
Didn't trust Lindsay,

so I called this TV show
that follows people around.

They found her
cheating on you, man.

It's all on tape.

You forgot to look away
and c*ck your head.

I know, man.
I'm sorry, Vic.

I don't believe it.

She was lying to me
the whole time.

Oh, forget her, Vic.
You're getting emelina back.

Man, the love of your life,
mother of your children.

Eh,
owner of half your stuff!

You can get
some good clothes back.

Well,
I do really miss her.

Hey, thank you for having
my back on this one.

You got it, man.

You know,
it's hard to admit,

but I was always worried

that I wouldn't be able
to keep Lindsay satisfied.

What?

Vic, if anybody can, you can.
Brother, you're a stud.