05x18 - George Helps Ernie See the Cellu-Light

[bunniefuu]

What are they lazy Susan it's not your break time get back to work there are no

parts to inspect was Ernie slowing down the line you might want to wake up Queen Latina

Is the toast ready?

What are you doing sleeping on the job?

Oh, I'm sorry, George.

I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees.

I guess I must have knotted off.

I don't know why they're bothering me so much.

You know, you're supposed to listen to your body,

and right now your knees are screaming,

you're crushing us, eat a salad.

So I gained a couple of pounds.

Couple of pounds, you're huge.

You know, you might want to check your belly button.

I think I saw a cat crawl in there to have kittens.

What are you trying to say?

Your sore knees are slowing down production.

You know, Ernie, maybe if you lost a few pounds...

Hey, you know what?

I'm doing fine, all right?

If anything's slowing me down,

it's you asking me questions while I have work to do.

Now leave me alone. Vamanos.

I gotta go pick up a load with my forklift.

Is it your lunch?

You better take that back.

Don't eat me.

Hey, Mom, ease up on Ernie.

Oh, what do you care?

I'm the manager, and it's my job to defend the workers.

You never defended me.

That's not true.

I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was written about you.

What did it say?

I don't remember. I wrote it a long time ago.

Ernie!

Man, when Ernie wants mini donuts,

there's no stopping him, huh?

How could you lose control of the forklift?

I don't know what happened.

The steering wheel just locked up on me.

Oh my God.

I bet people are already making jokes about me hitting the vending machine.

No.

I said no one makes jokes about my friend in my factory.

I'm scared they're going crazy in the parking lot.

Bobby said if you die, he wants dibs on your tusks.

Hey, Ernie.

How you doing?

I'm fine.

I'm sorry about the accident, Mel.

Oh, don't you worry about it, buddy.

You know what?

Accidents happen.

We can replace that vending machine and the forklift, but we can't replace you.

That's a lot, Mel.

All right.

time to replace lardo what the guys in the shop check the forklift there is nothing wrong with

the steering wheel ernie couldn't turn the wheel because his gut is too big that's ridiculous mel

look his gut might be big enough to accidentally push buttons on the copier but it's not big enough

to jam a steering wheel

How many copies?



Aye.

But I'll tell you this.

If we can't find Larry's cat,

it's not because we didn't get the word out.

It's not just the accident.

He's gotten too big to do his job.

Fire them.

Mel, you just can't fire somebody for being overweight.

No, my lawyer said that if Ernie is slowing down production

and wrecking equipment, those are undue burdens.

And I can fire him for that.

Okay, then you can't fire somebody without giving them a warning.

Ernie's one of our best employees. Give him a chance to lose the weight.

He's not going to be able to do that. These fatties have no self-control.

They're just weak people.

Come on, man. I mean, you should understand. I mean...

You're an alcoholic.

Who told you that?

Someone in the meeting talked.

Margaret F. in accounting?

Whoa, when she's drinking, that F isn't for faithful, my friend.

Just give Ernie some time, okay?

I give you my word, he'll lose the weight.

All right, fine.

I'll give him a month to lose 20 pounds, but if he doesn't...

He's out of here.

Don't worry, Mel.

I'll whip him into shape.

By the end of the month, hey, he'll

be back down to his seat cup.

You can't motivate anyone.

Ernie's not gonna lose that weight.

I just need to think of a way for him to k*ll his appetite.

Mom.

You have any naked pictures of yourself?

That last one tasted like hot dog.

All my friends know the lowrider.

The lowrider is a little higher.

Thank you for watching.

hey George glad to see the accident didn't hurt your appetite oh number eight it was

like a wake-up call I realized how precious life is you gotta save it watch out that's

great Ernie but do you have to deep-fry life and dip it in blue cheese dressing this is ranch

smartass you gotta stop eating and I mean people at the fact you're asking me when you're due man

I know I'm a little huskier but I'm happy with who I am besides it's not what's on the outside

that counts it's what's on the inside yeah and beauty's only skin deep in size doesn't matter

you know who says that ugly people out there with tiny churros

you know you gotta quit making fun of people's appearances there's not a hat in the world that

would fit that head that was mean I thought you people were supposed to be jolly man look

your productivity's down and you crashed a forklift because your stomach's too big

now Tommy's gonna give you a month to lose 20 pounds so you're out of a job I'd like to see

him try and fire me

I'll sue I'll own the plant why are you making such a big deal out of this man lose a few pounds

it'll be good for you no George I'm tired of everyone pushing me around enough's enough it's

time I pushed back for once in my life I'm gonna stand up for my own dignity the ship has sailed

on this dignity thing

God there was a whole cake here this morning

Ernie's coming over, and we want him to lose weight,

so I need to get rid of all the fattening food.

Well, you don't have to eat it.

Why don't you just hide it?

This is for Ernie.

He has no self-control.

Now go to the store.

I want ice cream.

You know, if I close my eyes,

I could swear a little girl is punching this bag.

Come on, visualize something that really annoys you

and hit it as hard as you can.

I want to, but the bag's in the way.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

I thought we were going to watch a game.

Oh, I'm taping it.

I thought maybe we could throw a few punches.

Hey, why don't you take over?

All right, I'll do the shot.

Remember?

Pace yourself, huh?

Start with a couple of jabs.

Then throw in some combinations.

I took it easy. That's connected to the house.

You're going to bring the whole thing down.

George.

It's never going to get a workout this way.

Workout!

Hey, I came over here to watch a game.

What, are you guys trying to trick me into exercising?

Why, would that make you mad enough to chase me around the block three times a week before work?

Cut it out. I don't want to exercise.

Look, Ernie, you gotta do something, man. You're gonna end up as heavy as your mom.

Hey, watch it now.

Ernie.

Your mother is morbidly obese.

You inherited her genes.

If you don't exercise and eat better, you're headed for diabetes and heart disease.

You know, you two would be in a world of hurt if I hadn't just unleashed on that bag.

hey and just so you know i already talked to a lawyer and he sent a letter to the powers

brothers saying that if they fire me i'm gonna sue them for wrongful termination

Ernie, you can't win in court, okay?

Mel's got a real lawyer.

Not a guy who's advertising on the same bus he's riding on.

you know what if you were really my friend you'd accept me the way i am

Because when I look at the two mirrors that I put up side by side of my house,

I'm okay with what I see.

Who wants a nice, healthy snack of carrots?

Nice try.

What?

You're pushing carrots, but you got cake in your teeth.

You're a horrible host.

Thank you.

What happened?

Couldn't get through to Ernie.

It's hopeless.

I've had patients like that.

They fill their emptiness with greasy french fries and deep-fried onion rings.

Bacon cheeseburgers dripping with saturated fat.

Thanks for watching!

I'm gonna make it run. Anyone want anything?

Dad, your boss is here.

Mel, what's going on?

Hey, I just got a letter from Ernie's lawyer

accusing me of being prejudiced against fat people.

Does no one remember how big my second wife was?

Oh, yeah, I remember Cheryl.

She wore that green dress to the Christmas party and you fired that guy who accidentally put an ornament on her.

George, I want you to fire Ernie

Come on, Mel. Ernie's a great worker.

Save it, all right? You gave him a warning,

and instead of losing the weight, he turns around and he sues me.

No, I don't want to see Ernie at that factory again.

Look, this job is all he has, Mel. He's going to be crushed.

Do what I did to my second wife.

Write your ID here on a cake.

That way she was able to get good news and bad news.

What are you going to do?

Well, I think I can get Mel to change his mind if I could get Ernie to drop the lawsuit.

But he still has to lose weight.

I don't know how I'm going to get him to do that.

I mean, he won't even admit he has a problem.

Mae'n gyfranogwr diogelu.

Ernie's eating emotionally to cover up some pain.

The question is...

What?

is Ernie's

He's not married.

He doesn't have a girlfriend.

It's got to be that he's lonely.

The irony is,

The more he eats, the less attractive he becomes to women.

You

That's it!

It makes perfect sense. Subconsciously, he is eating to reject women before they reject him.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You know, there might be an emotional reason behind this.

You didn't hear a word I said.

Shh.

I think I'm onto something.

Okay, he's the team leader.

I thought we were going to the place next door for lunch.

Later. I need a new suit.

Hey, and if you don't listen to me and take Mel to court,

you're going to need one too.

That's a good idea. All I got's my lucky purple suit from prom.

lucky you went with your cousin and she gave birth in the bathroom

can i help you gentlemen

We're looking for a couple of suits.

Now, I know what I want, but my friend here might need some help.

Are we shopping for a special occasion?

Well, I might be in court.

Yeah, I'll be standing up there for my rights,

and my man here will be right beside me.

Oh, good for you.

They'll take our taxes, but they won't let us walk down the aisle.

It's not like that, man. We're not g*y.

It's a weird thing to just blurt out like that, George.

What size pants do you wear?

Oh, well, um, no, I used to be, uh, 36.

But I gained a few pounds since then, so...

I guess I'm, uh, 38, 40.

And what shall we be doing with the other leg?

Hey, man, if my friend says he's a 40,

then he's a 40. Get him a 40.

Okay.

I got a 40 over here.

You rip it, you buy it.

Give me those.

Thank you for watching.

I look around for pants in a different style.

Thanks for watching!

I think I just bought these.

Don't sweat it, man.

They run small.

These are one size bigger.

Try these.

We'll be right back.

Oh

Now we're talking.

Do they fit?

Man!

It's still good.

like they were made for me

Ouais.

I guess I'm gonna have to accept the fact that I'm a 42 now.

Ernie, I brought those.

Those are your mom's pants.

They're a 50, man.

Mel told me to fire her.

You're obese and you're gonna die.

I kind of meant to space that out, but well, you know, here we are.

Oh, my God.

These are my mom's church pants.

And they fit me.

I don't want to rub it in, but they look a little tight in the waist.

I'm wearing fat lady pants.

How did this happen?

Dude, outside of Chicago, your stomach is the biggest beef processing plant in the country.

I tried to stop eating, but I couldn't.

Ever since I moved out of my parents' house, I just started gaining all this weight.

No, Ernie, your life was supposed to get better

when you got your own bachelor pad.

Girls by the pool, parties.

No girl would be interested in me.

Not now. You made sure of that.

What do you mean?

Look, you've always been afraid of women rejecting you.

When you were living with your parents, you used that as your excuse.

When you moved out, you needed another one.

So what did you do, man?

You gained so much weight that you guaranteed that women would reject you.

I was explaining this to Angie yesterday.

It's called a self-fulfilling propylact...

That makes sense.

I never thought of it like that.

God, look at me.

Such a loser.

I'm not a loser.

And you're a good guy with a great heart that...

Happens to be working its a*s off right now.

How am I ever going to lose 20 pounds by the end of the month?

I'm going to help you.

Okay, we'll work out together.

I got your back no matter what, Ernie.

Hey, if Kirstie Alley can kind of do it,

then so can you.

Thanks, George.

And you know what? I'm gonna start the day.

Yeah, I'm going to have a salad for lunch,

and then I'm going to go for a jog.

Yeah, well, let's start with some speed walking.

I'm not too fat to jog.

It's not that. These pants you rip cost $200.

Move it. You're in training.

All right.

Where are you going?

It's the sound of all these zippers. I got to get them home.

Hey, Jordan.

I called Mel.

You ready to weigh in?

Hey, no problem.

Watch out.

I GOT THESE!

Yeah, last night I weighed myself, I lost 22 pounds in one month.

Did you celebrate?

Yeah, I sure did.

I doubled my portion of cauliflower.

Mmm, that was good, huh?

Vegetables, fruits, mmm, I can't get enough of those.

I miss pizza so much.

And fried chicken, and pie, and gravy, and mashed potatoes.

Here's one of your carrots, look, eat one of your carrots.

All right, you've had your month, let's do this.

Remember, anything less than 20 pounds...

And you're out of here.

I think you're gonna be proud of me, Mel.

Yeah.

I've been dieting and working out hard.

I think you're in for a big surprise.

Yeah, not as big a surprise as that scale's in for.

What? Huh? Oh.

What's it say?

Hang on, it's still spinning.

Hey, he lost 17 pounds!

That's almost 20, isn't that great, Mel?

Almost may work with horseshoes and landing gear.

And not when you made a promise.

I don't understand.

I've been working out hard. I counted calories.

This is the hardest thing I ever had to do in my whole life.

Wait a minute.

What were you wearing last night when you weighed yourself?

Oh, I was naked!

I bet if I take my clothes off, I'll make it for sure.

Whoa, no, no, no.

That's all right, that's all right.

Welcome back, Ernie.

Hey, George.

Thanks, man. I could have done it without you.

Just remember, you got to keep it up, okay?

Got to stay strong.

Yeah, what's up?

All right, take it easy.

Congratulations on losing the weight, Ernie.

You know, there is a pool that says...

you won't be able to keep it off.

Are you in on it?

No.

Of course not.

Your health is worth more to me than $50?

Oh, look at this.

Someone has picked the lock on the new vending machine.

Why, a fella could eat anything he wants.

Ernie!

Thank you.

You know what?

I'm not hungry.

Thank you.

Why do those drapes give you strength?

Back to work, Bat.

Hey, Ernie.

Okay.

Self-fulfilling prophylactic.

Um, Nancy, uh...

I was wondering if you weren't doing anything this weekend, maybe we could...

You know what? Never mind.

Yo, Nancy.

Friday, 8 o'clock, dinner, you and me, what do you say?

OK.

She said yes!

Hey, hey, don't jump.

We're on a fault line.