05x08 - George Tries to Write a Wrong

[bunniefuu]

George!

Hey, found this box of junk in the closet.

You want me to throw it out?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

There might be something important in here.

Angie's Special Memories. Now, it's just junk.

Let me see that.

Come on, Angie, there's nothing in here worth keeping.

Look, just a bunch of dead flowers.

That was my wedding bouquet.

And it's just as beautiful with coffee grounds on it.

My radio pole.

this. I've been looking for these for years.

George

These are the letters the priest asked us to write to each other as part of our premarital counseling.

I didn't know you guys went to counseling before you got married.

What, do you have problems, doubts, issues, fantasy lovers?

Yeah, you know, every time I was with her, I kept thinking about you.

Counseling is something you have to do to get married in the church.

George, do you realize inside these letters is how we felt about each other before we got married?

Oh, I can't wait to open them and see how our love grown.

Or dried up and died.

I'm going to open this letter because I could use a laugh.

No.

These are private.

I haven't read Angie's and she hasn't read mine.

on our 10th anniversary, but we couldn't find them.

Why don't we open them this animal?

coming up, you know.

Yeah, I know it's coming up.

In three days?

Thank you.

four days wow already five days

Two days.

Three days.

That's no fair. I had it.

I'm going to keep these so you don't peek.

We can open the letters on Saturday.

You know, I can't wait to hear what you wrote when you were 19 years old.

Hey!

Why don't we make this a drinking game?

We'll do a shot.

Every single time, George used the word dude.

Dude, I love you so much, dude.

Dude, you totally rock, dude.

I'm so serious, dude.

Hey, good night, dude.

I'm going up now, dude.

Honey, I know how hard it is for you to find me anniversaries.

So.

this year. Why don't we skip all that?

just read the letters to

Bye.

but I wanted to buy you something really expensive.

Like that thing you always say you want,

but I always pretend to forget what it is.

What is it again, and where do they sell it?

Nothing we buy could ever be as romantic as we wrote to each other.

I really poured my soul into my life.

I can't wait to read what you wrote.

No anniversary present could ever match it.

Oh, oh.

You remember what you wrote?

I think I said I wanted to bend her like a pretzel.

All my friends know the low rider

The low rider is a little higher

What are you guys doing?

Oh, uh, we're putting a ceiling fan in the bedroom.

I've been asking for a fan in the bedroom for 15 years.

And you've had one, baby!

Bravo! Keep up the good work!

Just remember, it's not a race.

So where are the letters?

Got him.

I want to read what I wrote.

Make it sound like we're working.

Yeah, all right.

It's a soft food?

Oh, man, I'm glad I caught this.

Why? What'd you write?

Sorry I coughed in your ear, but your butt is smoking.

Hey, that's from when we had our garage band.

That's the lyrics to a song we never finished.

Three-alarm butt fire.

Yeah.

Your seat's in heat, and I'm no liar.

I want to stop, drop, and roll,

because your butt's on fire.

You know what? Give me a minute.

I got to rewrite this.

What are you going to sing?

Something romantic, something from way down deep, how I really feel about Angie.

you got anything you are

unspoiled perfection your smile your heart your soul

Slow down.

You're an amazing wife.

friend and mother to my children.

I don't deserve you.

I really, really don't deserve you.

Make some more noise.

I want to read what Angie wrote.

Oh, all right.

What?

What's it say?

Since you're reading this, you already know what I did and you found a way to forgive me.

I'm ashamed I ever hid it from you.

I'm sorry. I love you, Angie.

God.

What does it mean, George?

Well, I'm a 40-year-old virgin.

What else could it mean?

She cheated on me.

Hey honey!

How's the fan coming along?

I'll tell you how it's coming along.

Cheat on it!

And you can have the kids because, Aske, you're the one who wanted them.

You forced yourself on me.

Be patient, honey.

I know how you get when you try to put things together.

Yeah, well, I just put two and two together.

No, no, no, no, don't.

Calm down.

Calm down.

All right?

Angie would never cheat on you.

Yeah, look at her and look at me. What do you think?

Okay, give her a chance to explain herself when you open the letters.

Okay.

She's way too smart for that.

I can't give her time to come up with a good story.

I got to pretend like we're talking.

I'll be like, oh, yeah, really?

Wow, how ironic.

What I'll really be doing, watch out,

is perplexing her thoughts.

Watch out, symposiums.

She'll be putty in my mind.

What the hell are you talking about?

Thank you.

And that's just a little taste, my friend.

Happy anniversary, honey.

Listen, Angie, before we open the letters...

I have another gift I want to give you.

Something very special.

Wow.

I promise you're going to get lucky, but for once, can't we just eat first?

Not that.

Look, I was thinking the most wonderful gift...

give each other for anniversaries.

complete honesty.

Okay, so.

Want us to tell each other everything and clean the slate.

Ask.

for this

years. Why now?

I don't know. It's perplexing, isn't it?

Thank you

Uh

So we'll be completely honest with each other?

Yes.

And no matter how big a secret we reveal, we won't get mad at each other, okay?

We'll have total amnesty.

For total honesty.

the way it should be.

Okay, I'll go first.

I stole these flowers from the cemetery.

You see, I feel so much closer to you.

And Edna Johnson, beloved wife and mother, your turn.

Whenever I run out of minutes on my phone, I use your phone,

so it looks like you're the one going over.

Then I nag you about it.

Okay, I've gotten a little closer. Let's go deeper.

When you dance at parties, you embarrass me and your people.

Well, what are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

and that's at weddings where kids are watching

okay

That hurts a little bit, but...

Okay.

I can take it.

All right, it's your turn, all right?

Don't hold back.

I know you do push-ups in the bathroom before sex,

but it just makes you sweaty and tired.

I tried to have your father deported

What?

You called me a loser

I made a phone call

Your turn

Come on, keep them coming

I don't have anything else

Not bigger than deporting my dad!

Nothing over our whole marriage?

No!

Not even like.

A betrayal from before we were married?

I won't get mad.

I'm sorry I scared you. Remember, total amnesty.

It happened so long ago, it's not even worth talking about.

Come on, Ants, you can tell me anything.

All right.

My dad put $20,000 in a bank account

in case I ever wanted to leave.

What?

Leave me for who?

Your lover?

How does he touch you, huh?

Does he talk? Does he cuddle? Because whatever it is, he's g*y.

What are you talking about? I never had a lover.

My dad thought our marriage was a mistake and he wanted me to have the money just in case I came to my senses, and I

never did, honey.

so you never cheated on me it was just an account yes

I'm sorry I never told you about it.

It was just so long ago, I forgot about it myself.

I don't know.

You can live with that.

Thank you.

No.

So how long after we were married did you close the account?

Uh...

I don't know.

Let me make a call.

The account is still open?

George.

Don't overreact.

Okay, wait a minute.

So the whole time we've been married,

you thought there was a chance we wouldn't make it.

I haven't touched that passbook in years.

You have a passbook? Where is it?

I don't remember.

You're hiding it.

Where's the last place I would ever look?

The kids' baby pictures.

Because, Oscar, when they were little, they looked like Martians.

It's not in there.

Where else would I never look?

Intimacy?

Through communication.

Just touching it burns my fingers.

All right.

What do we have here?

Just give me the passbook.

I'll rip it up and we'll forget about this whole thing.

What's this?

You took the money out in 93.

But I put it all back the next day.

The next day...

About that.

That means you left me.

Look!

It's our anniversary.

Do you want to fight, or?

You want some of the good, Doc.

I can't believe you actually left me for a day and I didn't even know about it.

What happened on October 10th, 1993?

Thank you.

Good stuff's gettin' cold.

Put that stuff away!

I'll do that special thing.

No!

Really? No.

Tell me what happened that day.

All right.

Oh, what's all this stuff?

OK, not now, Mom.

Penny, please. Leave.

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Big fight!

Hey, look, could you throw some wine in his face

so I'll at least feel a part of it?

Mom, out!

All right, I'm just going to go up and see the kid.

Thank you.

Two more.

Please.

Calm down.

Look, Angie, I have to know.

All right.

I'm going to tell you what happened.

I did leave.

But only because you said the most horrible thing to me ever.

What was that?

Thank you.

I don't know.

My mom's moving in with us.

What?!

That's the most horrible thing you've said to me, ever.

Angie, we're broke. She can help us with the bills.

If she moves in.

I move out.

Yeah, right.

I'm serious.

I will leave, George.

Anne, I'll take the kids.

Is that a threat or are you sweetening the deal?

Subtitles by the Amara.org community

You weren't bluffing.

Until you left me and you had $20,000.

I didn't actually leave.

Just got in the car and drove to San Diego with the kids

in a suitcase full of money.

He gave up on our marriage.

No! I just-

Couldn't stand the idea of living with your mom.

What are you laughing at?

I forged Angie's letter to screw with you guys.

Awww.

What?

I found the letters in your room.

I knew you would get curious and read Angie's letters,

so I wrote a fake one and switched them.

Where's my original letter?

Oh, it's right here.

Why would you do that, Mom?

Oh, come on!

I thought it would be funny if I wrote something mysterious.

And then Angie would admit some kind of juicy secret,

like having an affair or something.

Thank you.

Why would you do that?

I was bored.

Thank-

for ruining our anniversary.

I might have hidden a small fortune from you, but you.

YOU

Open envelope two hours early.

And I don't know if I can get past that.

Nice try.

But you're not faking your way out of this.

I'm sorry.

I might have left once, George, but I came right back.

But you never closed the account, Angie.

All this time, I was committed to our marriage, but...

You had one hand on me and one hand on the door.

Look, I think I deserve two-handed love.

But I told my dad I didn't even want that account.

Thank you for watching.

He thought...

You were a loser.

But I said you would be a great husband and father.

And you know what?

He was wrong.

Thanks for watching!

then prove to me you're a great wife and mother.

Let's screw your dad out of $20,000.

So what?

Come on, it'll be easy.

We'll pretend to break up.

You get the money, we'll get back together.

that's a crazy idea i know so we'll have to sell it okay so you pretend to be depressed

and stay in bed and then i'll go out with other people just for a week

That's it. I'm going to end this once and for all

and tell my dad to close that account.

Happy anniversary. What happened here?

I'll tell you what happened, Vic. Our marriage is over. She's leaving me.

I don't know how you think you're going to survive.

You don't have any money.

George, this is ridiculous.

What's ridiculous is you thinking

that I could be addicted to airplane glue

and still have a family.

That I'm a huffer.

You know what? Just go.

Daddy, George found out about the 20 grand.

Would you please close the secret account?

Ah, too late.

I spent the money years ago.

All of it?

Well, I had to learn the hard way

that America is not ready for Cuban fast food.

So, rest in peace, Plantain Express.

That was a great idea, Vic.

Mommy doesn't want to cook tonight, kids,

so how about a bucket of little greasy bananas?

Where do you come up with your little put-downs, eh?

Maybe it's when you drive your used car

to your crappy factory job where you make airplane parts.

They don't even trust you to make the whole airplane.

So.

Are we okay?

Yeah, I think so.

and we never got to read our letters.

I have mine right here.

I'll get mine.

Thank you.

George.

You're an amazing man.

Giving my heart to you will be the easiest thing I've ever done.

Look forward to spending the rest of my life.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, the important thing is that you gave it a try.

Let's hear yours.

Takk for ating med.

Angie

You are unspoiled.

Perfection.

Your smile, your heart, your soul.

You're an amazing wife.

friend and mother to my children.

I don't deserve you.

That's me.

Representing.

even way back then.

Way back then I wasn't the mother of your children. We didn't have kids yet.

Explain that.

Thank you.

Yeah!